Wedding Bells!
Well, the wait is finally over! On Wednesday, October 8, the love of my life, Miss Rebecca Tubbali Carrao, became my wife, Mrs. Rebecca Carrao Miele.
It was such a busy week, and after all of the wedding preparations, by the time we left on our short honeymoon, we were both completely exhausted. I will be writing my next three articles about this past week. Since many readers of LiP are marrying Filipinos, this article is about the wedding preparations, the wedding itself, and a short breakdown of costs that I hope will prove useful to those getting married here (Those of you who have paid for weddings in the West will be shocked at how inexpensive).
The next article is about our honeymoon in Basco, Batanes, a remote, little-known part of the Northern Philippines, and a very unique and special place. Finally, my mother attended our wedding, and it was her first trip ever to Asia. I will describe some of her impressions and our visit to Claveria and Pugudpud, on the Cagayan and Ilocos Norte border, in the last article.
Our wedding was held at St. Thomas Aquinas Church in Abulug, on a Wednesday. Why did we choose a Wednesday? Well, we made a conscious effort to try and keep as low of a profile as possible. We were completely unsuccessful in this regard. If you marry in a small, provincial town, you WILL be the event of the year, possibly several years, like it or not. Virtually 
everyone in town is related in some way, shape, or form. If you invite two, then up to 15 will attend. The family connections in the Philippines mean that you cannot simply say “no”, so, you plan on a certain number, and increase it at least double. Add in the fact that Rebecca is over *&^%$? years old, never married, and marrying an American and the guest count swells. Rebecca has family all over the Northern Cagayan province. Guests came from two barangays in Abulug, Bulala, Pamplona, and Aparri.
Preparations began on the preceding Friday, when our guest count increased from 800 to 1,000… Yes, you read that figure correctly. Around 200 for the ceremony, the rest at the reception. Rebecca was running around the province looking for two additional pigs for the reception, since her mother was in a full-blown panic about having enough food. Feeding that 
many people required six large pigs, a cow, and two hundred kilos of vegetables, rice, and other food. The reception was at the Carrao family home. A very large tent was set up to one side of the house to seat as many as possible, and several other tents were set up behind the house for cooking and slaughtering. Rebecca’s brothers went and collected as many chairs and tables as they could find, lent to us by the municipality. On the Saturday before the wedding, my mother arrived in Manila and we went to several supermarkets to buy food for the reception, most of which is unavailable, difficult to find, or three times more expensive in the provinces. Several boxes were packed and shipped to Ballesteros on the Florida Lines busses on Sunday. Two days before the wedding, the cooking began in the evening. Keep in mind that there are no banquet halls, restaurants, or supermarkets up there. Therefore, if you run out of carrots (we did), you 
go the 12 km to Ballesteros to buy more, since the market in Abulug only runs two days per week, in the early morning. Cooking continued right up until just before the wedding. The cooks were hired in Sanchez Mira, 30 km away. Hiring local cooks would have meant they would most likely have also been guests, given the relationship between families in Abulug, so that was our choice. Note, that most of Rebecca’s family also cooked, despite having hired help… Not possible to get them to relax.
The nearest bakery for the wedding cake is Tuguegarao, so, the cake needed to be transported up, along typical rural roads, as did the flowers. Both needed to be stored refrigerated from the 32 degree heat, and the church kindly allowed the use of their 
refrigerator. Professional photographers are a rarity in Abulug, so several designated relatives were the wedding photographers. Decorations were done by Becky’s classmates, shipped up from Manila. Finally, the day arrived.
Our wedding was a traditional Ybanag Catholic ceremony, conducted in English, with a full Mass. Father Carlos had the children in the church choir practicing Ybanag love songs late the night before. We offered to buy paint for the church for his fee, and I’m certain it will look very tidy before Holy Week celebrations in the Spring. The day before the wedding, Father Carlos received the documents from Tuguegarao, along with our wedding rings, the arrhae, and the cord. Early that morning, Rebecca visited her ancestors’ graves, and lit candles to ask for their spirits’ blessings.
Traditionally, the groom arrives first at the Church, and waits for the bride, who was late. The town “baklas” were doing her hair and makeup and wanted things just right. (When Father Carlos heard that they were decorating the church, he expressed a deep trepidation that his chapel might end up being bright purple or something… They did a nice job and it looked great!) Our Sponsors, twelve each, were joking about Filipinos always being late. Meanwhile, I was sitting in the heat in a traditional Barong Tagalog, made from pineapple fibres, and not very comfortable (Keep this in mind in a non-aircon church for at least one hour when choosing your garb). The procession to the altar is led by the ring bearer and flower girl, followed by the groom, mother and father of the groom, all the sponsors, and finally, the bride, accompanied 
by her mother and father (Becky’s Uncle accompanied her, since her father is deceased). The bride stops, and the groom walks up the aisle and she takes his arm to accompany him to the altar.
Father Carlos then started the Mass, with his sermon. The Marriage Rite begins, and I present Becky the Arrhae (A small basket with 13 silver coins), and we then exchange rings. We then proceed back up the aisle of the church, collect the Host and Sacramental wine, and, accompanied by our mothers, proceed back to the altar. We kneel before the altar, and are draped with a veil, wrapped by a silk cord. Communion is held, and we go behind the altar to sign the marriage certificate (4 copies), followed by each sponsor. We are then officially married. There is no “You may now kiss”, as in the States. As we leave the church, we are showered with flower petals and, arriving at the reception, showered with rice. This part is Ybanag and not Filipino. Throwing rice is considered bad luck by many Filipinos (Rice is life), but Ybanags consider it an offering as thanks for blessings. We then kneel again, each holding a candle, more prayers are said, then it is time to eat. In our case, Becky is 
related to the Governor, Congressman, and Mayor, so speeches were made, and I was made an “Official” citizen of Abulug by the Congressman’s wife. We dispensed with the traditional “money dance”, since we asked for no gifts. The meal was basically everything you could conceivably make from a cow and a pig. Lechon, Embotido, Menudo, Deep fried battered ribs from the Lechon (really, really, good and a definite “special occasion” dish), Stuffed Flank Steak Rolls (I forget the Ybanag name), Adobo (Both Beef and Pork), about a dozen other dishes from the various parts, Macaroni Salad, and, yes, homegrown rice.
One final, very funny thing that I didn’t expect. I mentioned that Rebecca is a very traditional girl. Well, we had our first (very minor) married argument that evening. As guests were leaving, I saw that she was in the kitchen trying to do the dishes after 1,000 people 
just ate! I told her, “Brides do NOT do dishes on their wedding night!!!!”, took her by the hand, and got her the heck out of there. I certainly got a great girl!
Total costs:
Custom wedding dress – 6,000 Pesos
Food for 1,000 people – 80,000 Pesos
Flowers - 3,000 Pesos
Cake – 3,000 Pesos
Cooking and Wait Staff (8 ppl, 3 days) - 15,000 Pesos
Transport for important guests who are not “well off” (You WILL incur this expense) – 30,000 Pesos
Hotel in Pamplona for Foreign Guests - 20,000 Pesos
Sound System – 2,000 Pesos
Rental for Plates – 3,000 Pesos
Transport for workers - 20,000 Pesos
Barong Tagolog for groom and male wedding party – 10,000 Pesos
Dresses for female wedding party – 15,000 Pesos
Honeymoon - 30,000 Pesos
Candles, decorations, etc. - 10,000 Pesos
_____________________________________________
Total – 265,000 Pesos (US$5,600)
Add in Church fees, and the total is far, far below the cost of even a simple wedding in the States. Certainly less, considering the number of people. Again, we did not want people who need cash to feel any obligations. This wedding, which started to be a simple ceremony Becky’s mother could see, quickly mushroomed. Given the logistics issues in the provinces, and the family obligations, foreigners need to be prepared for many more people than they would normally expect at a wedding and much “last minute” modifications. In the end, though, everyone had a good time, and that really is all that matters. I am truly a very lucky man to have such a beautiful bride by my side, and a new, very nice, extended family, and I say thanks every minute for this blessing. Some Photos:
Good on ya John, may your union be blessed and blissful ! Cheers !
congrats john may u an ur wife have all happy days
This is so romantic. Thanks for sharing and all the best wishes to both of you.
John just one question ” how many god-parents did u have come to ur wedding “..?
Congratulations to you and Rebecca! I wish you all the best!
Congratulations Rebecca and John. May you turn old and gray together.
Beautiful bride & handsome groom – reminds me of our wedding!
Hi John & Rebecca – Congratulations to both of you. Best wishes from the south. Take care!
Brian, Phil, Ellen, Bob, Paul and Feyma: Thank you all for your best wishes!
Phil: To answer honestly, I’m not entirely certain myself. On Becky’s side, Godparents and some very close family friends are usually referred to as Aunt or Uncle. Outside of “blood” relatives, I’m often confused myself. It is even more complicated because Rebecca’s father died when she was only 7, so she was raised by her Mother and a series of Aunts, Uncles, Godparents, and so on. Regardless of “blood” status, if she addresses them as “Aunt” or “Uncle”, that is the same as blood in perception and practice. The closest I can guess is six. Most were our sponsors.
Hi John and Rebecca,
so beautiful and happy. Congratulations and best wishes for a long life of happiness, compassion and good health for you both.
Amazing that you accomplised so much for so many in such a short period of ime. And it all turned out so wonderfully.
The pictures are delightful. Look forward to seeing more. Your descriptions made me feel as if I were there on your Special Day.
Karen
Hi John and Rebecca – congratulations to both of you and wishing you ALL THE BEST… Greetings from Rossana, my mother and me…
Cogratulations John & Rebecca! You had a big wedding as cooking started 2 days ago?!?! Wow ..I can imagine the frenetic energy of people around the house. It’s amazing you were able to remember some details. Great choice for your Basco honeymoon. How do you intend to go there? Plane? By sea? Ok..enjoy!
Congratulations John and Rebecca. I wish both of you many years of joy and happiness!
I am so thrilled for you both.
Many, many good wishes for your fabulous future together.
Hi John!
Congratulations! Your post was really wonderful and brought back a lot of great memories for me, because their are certain characteristics of a wedding in the Philippines that are just so neat and different from where we’re from. I’m glad you had a wonderful time, and hope you and Rebecca have many wonderful years together.
Once again, best wishes to the happy couple!
Wow, John. Congratulations! I wish you and Rebecca all the best, and may you have many wonderful, happy, and romantic years together. (Sigh, wedding stories make me very sentimental.)
Cheers!
Hi john
I think you are lucky, i think your bride is lucky, funny how “lucky” things happen to good people, you both deserve eachother, thanks for writing, very brave, 1000 wow, sounds like the wedding of the year, thoroughly enjoyed the article
best regards
Congratulations and best wishes Rebecca and John!
May you continue to love and take good care of each other
for as long as you both live.
Your wedding am sure brought joy not only to you two,
but to the entire Abulug town as well. They had their wedding of
the decade…a spectacle to talk about for years to come.
Cheers!
Congrats John and Rebecca. may you live a long and happy life.
Congratulations and armest wishes for a happy life, John and Rebecca. I imagine many who read this will indeed be amazed. It points up something my wife and I have talked a lot about recently as a favorite nephew is getting married kater this month.
In the US it’s not at all uncommon for a couple to have a church wedding followed by a very small reception … depending on their financial staus and taste. here in the Philippines (that separating common language thing again), a ‘church wedding’ connotes a big reception as well … the two are just not separated. It took me a couple weeks to ‘get my head around’ the fact that the couple is having a civil wedding because they can’t afford a church wedding … to many American minds a church wedding can be just as inexpensive as one wants, because the cermony and the reception are two different things.
Also the who pays what is almost completely reversed here … in the US it’s still customary that the bride’s family pays for almost everything, here the groom and his family shoulders most of the exspense.
Very useful post to many I am sure, and again best wishes for the future.
Congrats!
Sweet! Congradulations my friend I recently married myself on June 5th 2008 in Cebu. It feels great to have the girl of your life doesn’t it
Congratulations to you John and Rebecca! I enjoyed reading your article, very detailed and romantic. Just wondering, no “You may now kiss”? Wow… In other parts of Phil there is. Hehehe.
Anyway, may you have blissful lives together. Best wishes!
Congratulations John and Rebecca!
Hi John- Sorry for the delay but congratulations to you both may you have a long and fruitfil life together.
Now that said, I don’t want to hear the gory details regarding your honeymoon on your next post hahaha! as you have promised . All you will achieve is making me jealous, however if you still insist I will be forced to read chapter and verse.
Kind regards.
Jim & Marilou.
Congratulations, John and Rebecca: Your comment about number of guests expected reminds me of our parties here in Marinduque. If you invite 100 people, prepare for 200..Otherwise you will run out of food and your party will be the talk of the town and subject to gossips, and ridicule.
Again, I hope you have an eternal honeymoon. My toasts to both of you! Salud, peseta y amor..(Good) health, (more )money and (eternal) love…
congratulations mr and mrs miele. your new journey has begun. thank you for sharing with us all
To all who have sent best wishes, both Rebecca and myself wish to say “Thank you” to each of you.
Dear John M. and Rebecca,
Congratulations and best wishes on your marriage! Hope you have many, many happy years ahead.
Interesting story about the wedding preparations. A thousand guests! Wow!
TO: Mr. John Miele and wife, Rebecca
They say people cry during weddings, well I did (a bit) upon seeing those lovely wedding photos! I am looking forward myself to a wedding with the love of my life.
“Mabuhay ang Bagong Kasal!” (Long live the newlyweds!) Cheers!
hi john and rebecca ,all i can say is that “congratulations and may god bless you both”…its better late to great than never…hehhehehe
congrats!
thanks John i think there was about 20 godparents maybe more at my wedding but not all were invited .Phil R.
Hi Phil R.- Your comment kind of intrigues me. We also had people crash our wedding (especially the reception). However, I am wondering, how did they become god parents if they were not invited?
Congratulations on your wedding. Jennifer and I got married on August 23 in Samar and our costs were very close to your totals. When all was said and done, I came in at just under 250,000 pesos.
I must admit I cried at my wedding when I saw my bride to be outside the church. I guess seeing her dressed in white and knowing she was about to be my asawa brought on the waterworks.
We had people crash our wedding and there were people who tried crashing the reception but they never made it in as there was only one way into the reception and that entry was guarded quite nicely by two uncles.
Again, congratulations and best wishes to you and your new asawa. Clink!
John i hope u don’t mind it i answer Bob ..I really don’t know yet but from what i understand for some reason she has a couple of hundred god-parents everywhere we go we visit her godparents that live in that area and that goes from cdo to butuan including Camiguin island ..so go figure …Phil R.
Obviously, I’m way too late on this article but it’s better late than never.
Congratulations & Best Wishes John and Rebecca!
I enjoyed the article. It’s very detailed. It made me feel like I was there.
Thanks for sharing.
Beth: Thank you!
Hi john & Rebecca best wishes to both of you..even though it was late.as i send some of my wishes on your wife friendster the day of your wedding. prayers for succesful married life god bless..and thanks for sharing of your adventure in philippines…have a nice day ahead..