The wonders of marriage
A few days ago I was lucky to be invited to a friend’s wedding party here in Davao City, the wedding of Ted Padova and his beautiful bride Arnie, who invited guests to a fantastic party at Felis Resort poolside, in a Hawaiian style party with what seems no expense spared.
As I looked around at the guests I noticed that most of the expats who attended were also blissfully married to their beautiful wives, I of course include Bob and Feyma who were sharing a table with me.
I have often heard of guys who have been married moaning and shouting that they were lied to or caught in some honey trap by the wife in order to finance the family, or to be a walking ATM for all emergencies that any family will incur sometimes.
However, I noticed amongst the people I knew well at this party that they all were blissfully happily married, and as most of them I have known for a couple of years or more I knew it was not just an act.
So why is it so possible for people like Ted and Arnie to be so happy, for Bob and Feyma too, when the non stop Internet chatter or bar chatter is that it cannot happen its just for money or the jealousy gene is too advanced in the Filipino and causes non stop arguments.
Maybe, just maybe the reason is that just like anywhere else in the world you have to really know the other person before marriage, warts and all. You really must know the family, that is so so so important here as the family is part of your life. Another reason it does not work is that the people who frequent the bars telling their stories of bad marriages should have spent more time at home trying to make it work!!
Every couple goes through the pain barriers, but whereas in the west a divorce can be an easy option, here in the Philippines technically divorce is not allowed. So marriage here on paper has to be taken more seriously, as the cost to both sides in loss of face and family pressures are huge, and that can be even more debilitating than financial losses.
Ted and Arnie have spent years together before this decision, and one of the things Ted said at the party was that he and Arnie could be so happy with each other playing cards, and just enjoying each others company. To have the ability to live in this country and to find a bride or shall we say a significant other, and to have the pleasure of living in such a beautiful country and to have the pleasure of being cared for, surely means that you have to invest time in making sure you do your part, in trying and learning those cultural differences that should enhance your married life not cause issues.
Come on guys I speak from a different perspective than the rest of you and I know I can be happy, and so can Ted and Arnie. I am sure you can too.
About John
Well said John. Congratulations to Ted and Arnie and many, many years of happiness to them.
Hi John,
Another great article, my friend. Best wishes to Ted and Arnie. May they enjoy many years of happiness.
jonarky
I think Ted and Arnie will be ok. Lets hope other expats learn to love too!!
Henty
I loved the party, they did a great job.
Imagine all that under a tropical Sun
Wonderfully written article, John. Very eloquent, especially the parts about getting to know the family and making a marriage work in a place where divorce is not legal. But do you really speak from a different perspective? On paper, perhaps – but loving, accepting, and celebrating an Other transcends culture, race, age, and jealousy levels, I should think, as the joy of two people in love is at once a universal and intimate joy. Everyone experiences it, but everyone experiences it uniquely.
Congrats to Ted and Arnie. The party looked fantastic, but I hasten to add that, should I get married, there sure as heck won’t be any half-naked men dancing.
Hi John – It was a nice party. I was just kind of surprised at how many people where there that I just didn’t know at all!
Oh well, plenty of new expats coming to Davao all the time, I guess.
I enjoyed your article, John!
John: Well said. I think a lot of the chatter is from people who had unhappy relationships in the West. Your perspective and lifestyle give a different point of view… Uncluttered by the crap that floats around the Net and bars. Hopefully, as you and Migs continue on your relationship, you can experience the same happiness as everyone else (I never understood what the big deal was when I was living in California… It doesn’t impact anyone else.)
I will make a comment here but i am humbled by the talented writers already leaving a comment. John i believe happiness is what you make it if your miserable to start you will be in the end My wife chose to join me on this journey we call life to share that experience together the married is only a formality and her family is to me an added bonus as far as those warning of misconception … misery loves company . You are a happy person and it shows right through in your words john even though we have never met in person I can tell the person you and your “significant other” are. Doubt the doubters and prove the nay sayers wrong. Thanks for sharing John
Hi John, well spoken. There are so many people, who go into marriage without thinking proparly. Especially in the Philippines it`s still to be marriage for life as it should be. When two people fall in love and they choose to be with each other for life it`s better to seal it in marriage.
I like to wish Ted and Arnie all the luck and blessings on there road to happiness. The party was a nice kick off on that road.
I enjoyed reading your article John.
Migs
What can I say? Well said and maybe soon I get to meet your family. After a few beers ok?
Bob
It shows how Davao is attracting so many expats now. Which is great, but also I worry that the very reason we all came here was to get away and experience the new cultures.
That is why Ted and Arnie had a great balance of ex pat and Pinoy, including the excellent entertainment.
John M
Thanks John.
Migs and are very happy and now like most of my friends here in the Philippines are now planning a way to be secure and happy.
I have just come back from Bangkok and I know the Philippines has many problems but it still feels like home.
Tommy
Great comment and for me being a good writer, talk to Migs he despairs at my ability!!
I agree about being happy and carry o forward, sometimes I have to kick myself to stay happy. Lets be honest we are all here once only, so lets smile.
The Filipino is the king of smiles, no matter what is thrown at them
Andrie
Thank you for your nice comments.
I took a video of some of the local dancing,which maybe was not great quality to put in the article but if you have a glass of wine whilst you are watching it..You may enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxOv_weI0ZY
I enjoyed your article. I made the mistake of marrying the wrong woman at the wrong time in my life the first time. Unfortunately it did not work out, but my luck has changed. I met MJ at an unexpected time in my life and she quickly became my best friend. Caring and compassionate are not strong enough words to use when explaining her character. I think that many people that have relationships with their spouses probably did not know them to begin with. I am sure that they also didn’t appreciate what a traditional woman has to offer. While every man enjoys a good looking woman, appreciating the beauty inside is more important. If you can find them both, then you are a lucky man. It seems from the article mentioned above; your friends hit the jackpot. From my limited experience in life and relationships, it seems like this is often the problem with broken relationships. Of course having similar goals and plans helps as well.
BTW, MJ is trying to talk me into renew our vows in her province in Tarlac. Suggestions are welcome….
Hi John
How are you doing? You will be pleased to know it is a beautiful warm sunny day here in England! Although I wrote to my wife for about 5 months before we actually met, we got married 12 days after first seeing each other! That was 20 years ago this coming November and it has been the best decision we both ever made. My extended family in The Phillipines are the best a man could have as well.
All the best to you John
Malcolm
Lataste
You sound like a lucky man and a happy man too. Congratulations.
If you have an invite to go to Tarlac to renew your vows go for it!!
Make sure you send in some pics and invite everyone who reads Live in the Philippines..lol
Malcom
My friend its a beautiful sunny day here everyday. I must admit I miss Scotland as my parents lived in a remote village for 15 years, however I do not miss the COLD.
Five days after meet you marry, wow!
Lets be honest everyone at the time probably said it will never last.
Well 20 years and counting seems to be proving them so wrong.
You never know when you will meet the ONE, it may be in your teens or in your..well lets just say MUCH later.
Keep in touch and enjoy the weather.
Adrie
Glad you enjoyed the Video, not like a normal western wedding video.
And the food was terrific too and the beer was COOL.
Sad to say I just got back from Bangkok and took great video only to find the machine seems to have gone to Video heaven.
Bruce/Bob
With my handsome looks I really turn heads.
Well that’s my excuse
John and Migs you are certainly blessed that you both looked towards each other on a special day and saw that significant other. Make it work guys as we all want to commit to that special other in our lives.
Adreie
Thanks so much.
Your pictures shows hoe happy you both are
Ardie
I have never yet been to Baguio.
I hope to do that soon, and thanks about the comments about Bangkok
Thanks John for the story… I married my husband 16 years ago and now we have a 14 year old daughter. I was so glad to wait and marry a foreigner. we share the same values re: education; the same likes and dislikes although he prefers mashed potatoes and I love my rice (he eats rice once in a while)and we both love basketball and soccer. He is 6 years older than me and we get along pretty much except I am sociable and he is a homebody. I love to go to parties and he wants to stay home to rest after working 5 days a week.
Ted and Arnie (although I do not know you personally)…congratulations and best wishes…and more years to go..and kids as well. Goodluck!!!
Terry
I am so glad you guys are making it work too.
I am eating more rice, but I still run back to my potaotoes lol
Hi, 1st I want to give congrats and best wishes to the newly weds. The right person is the key to happiness in the Philippines.
On the other side I need some specific steps and answers about how to get an annullment/divorce in the Philippines. I ended up in one of those “lied to or caught in some honey trap by the wife in order to finance the family, or to be a walking ATM for all emergencies” type of relationships….that also had some hidden ex-boyfriends that have been denied to the limit.
In my case the woman had left the country for about a year after we were split up and now apparently returned. (married in 2006 and split up in mid 2007, then she went outside country to work and hide from family members). I have been together with someone who is my one and only with no doubt for a year now. We want to get married but I need to annull the first marriage of course.
How do I do that…what are the steps…and is there a cost effective and expediante way.
Lee
This is a minefield and being never married I will leave this advice to others my friend
“Excellent entertainment”! Yes, the fire-eating thing looked really spectacular.
But they know you Bob!
Hi roy – Yeah… sometimes it seems like everybody knows me! It can be flattering, it can also be a problem sometimes! Oh well… not much I can do about it now!
Bob,
I will never be as widely known as you but it was funny a few weeks ago. A friend was in an internet cafe in Gaisano mall. I was to meet him there.
Next to him was a nice Filipina and when she saw me, her eyes lite up and she said “Your American in Davao”
I smiled and said, “there is many Americans in Davao but you can call me Bruce”
Hi Bruce – It can be kind of a funny feeling when you are recognized like that!
A great video John and it shows that it has been a great wedding. I`ve added this video as being a favourite of mine on youtube. I also have rated it 5 stars, because of all the fun and joy you guys had. How I long to have a wedding with my pinay lady myself in the near future and live with her in the beautiful Philippines. It`s like a dream come true.
Ted and Arnie looked great and happy out there. Once again my deepest admiration and congratulations to them.
Thanks John for this video. It builded a bridge for me between the Netherlands and the Philippines.
God bless you all.
Regards,
Adrie Cornelissen
Well, at least I was one of those who turned their heads your way. Some people are just very lucky.
Hi John-I watched your video about Bangkok too. I also made a comment there, because we share the same interest for another Asian country my friend. I`ve visited Thailand several times before and it`s a country well worth to visit. Now that I found true love in the Philippines, I will explore this beautiful country with my fiancee to find a place to settle and to get married. In September we will visiting Baguio City, the summer capital of the Philippines. I`ll gladly like to know some of the great people better in the future, who live already as ex-pats here in the Philippines.
Take care and God bless you all.
Look forward to meeting you guys in the near future