Over a year ago I posted about our helper here that has a teenage daughter from her previous marriage. The second husband of our helper tried to touch the daughter of our helper. He was beat up by the brothers of our helper and the husband was out of the house and he was staying somewhere with his relatives. When the daughter comes here sometimes to our house to help out her mom before. I kept on talking to the daughter and giving her advice to finish up her studies, because that’s the only thing she had right now to pursue her dreams. She’s in her junior year in high school. I’ve heard at that time that she’s already had a boyfriend. The parents of the boyfriend disapprove of her because they’re so young and didn’t finished their studies yet. The parents of the guy even sent the boyfriend to the province during summer break for him to learned the hardship of working hard to earn money. I could tell the relief of my helper when the boyfriend was away.
After the end of the summer when the boyfriend came back, the daughter of my helper and the boyfriend were getting cozy. The parents of my helper were even mad about it. Well the daughter just would not listen to them. My helper would seek advice from me. I tried to talked to the daughter once when she came here to my house. Even though I don’t have a job for her that day I invited her over to talk. When she came here at the house I could tell the changes in her physically. I already had something in my mind and just didn’t asked the girl that day. The next day when my helper came back to work, I asked my helper if she noticed her daughter throwing up in the morning or something. She said no because “she’s not in my house, staying with my sister”. I told my helper to just observe her daughter because I think she might be pregnant. She said okay. After 2 weeks my helper informed me that her daughter was pregnant. She was really devastated. I can’t blame her for that. My helper was really crying here at my house. Just to ease some pain away from her I told her that hey, you are not the only family that suffered like that here in this world. It happens to some members of my family too.
The daughter now is 5 months pregnant. She’s 16 years old, and the guy, he is i think 17 years old. The boyfriend has no job yet because he is graduating in high school this coming March. The parent of the guy said, their son will have to get a job after graduation to support his girlfriend and child. They are not going to help out big time because they have the siblings of the guy to support too. I asked my helper what she thinks of what happened to her daughter. She said to me that “I never fail to tell her that I don’t want her to follow my footsteps. That I want her to finish up her studies. She would just give me a smirk. I told her, I wished I was given the chance to go to school before. I gave her the chance to do it. She never listened to me when I told her not to be out during night time and don’t hang out too much with her boyfriend, she might get pregnant. It happens what I feared for.”
I guess now the daughter was sorry that she’s pregnant at the early age. The guy was not really there all the time to support her emotionally. She knows now that it’s going to be very difficult for them since both of them had no job. They both rely on their parents and relatives for financial support. My helper has 2 other daughters to support too. So it’s going to be a hard ride for all of them. My helper told me that she’s telling her daughter to start saving for the delivery of the baby. It’s not cheap to give birth here even if its in the house with the midwife. They are starting to gather baby’s clothing now. Like I told my helper that the hardship right now is just the beginning. They have to worry about later the food, clothing, medical and the schooling and more.
Somebody from the family were interested to adopt the baby when he/she’s born. My helper and her family are thinking hard and weighing their options. That’s what she told me anyway. I told her to really talk to her daughter and boyfriend about it. Think about what’s best for the baby. If they can handle everything why give up the baby. I told her that it’s not going to be an easy decision for them. I told her to pray and asked for guidance from up above.
I wish them all the luck!
Single mums are the norm here on the Pines, nothing uncommon. In just six houses within 50 metres of where we live there 8 single mums.
Oh I forgot, in our house there is 2, now make that 10.
Lack of discipline is a major factor and a lack of cultural protection. In other words if you go out your back by midnight and your brothers or sisters bring you home. Unless your at least 18 then just forget about going out alone.
When I asked all the single mums, why on earth would want to get pregnant before marriage, I heard every excuse under the sun. I just wished them all the best of luck. Our girls when they turn 18 are going on the pill next year. Then they have a safety net.
Hi Boss – It’s really the unending problems here. I think the government really needs to educate the kids now at the early age. My gosh, young kids now thinks its okay to make babies at the young age.
I can understand when you said you want your girls to be on birth control pills when they reach 18 years of age. Me and some friends were talking about that too. We are on the same page there. It’s really scary nowadays some kids just don’t have self control anymore.
Talking about single mom we have one in the house right now too. Our other helper had a baby before coming here over a year ago. She’s trying her best to provide for the baby. And she’s sorry to had that baby at the young age.
Anyway, thank you for your comment. Have a great day!
It is also a big problem in my province Feyma. Last time I went home, my Aunt had a new maid. An 18 year old single mother of 2 kids. Her eldest is only 3 years old. You do your maths what age she started.
One of my brother’s maid also had a young daughter also single mum. Apparently she chose not to marry the man who got her pregnant because he was irresponsible. Probably a good thing because if she did, and she finds herself a man in the future who was willing to marry her despite her single mum status, finding the money for annulment would be a nightmare. I have lost count of the number of Kanos getting entangled in still-married-but-separated women, with the resulting headache as to trying to get an annulment.
I have come across two nursing students in their final years of studies getting pregnant though. One was a GF’s niece supported by my friend 100% with the aim of bringing her to Australia when she finishes, and the other my cousin’s now wife also supported by an Aunt abroad. You would think that at that stage of their studies, they would know about conception and/or contraception??
Hi Manang Feyma,
First of all thank you for adding me on FB. I can relate to this so much ;my aunt who lives next door has 2 girls, 10 months apart both got knocked up at 18. They were well provided ,dad had a good job, they were in good schools too. The eldest who first got pregnant was even studying would you believe to be a nurse. They were even given big parties for their 18th birthdays, after each party the news of each them being knocked up was like atomic bomb in my aunt and uncle’s yard exploding right smack at their faces.
The eldest, thank god.. married quiet a responsible young man, the kid just took every possible job there was to stand up for what they did and was brave enough to put up with my then human turned tornado aunt. My uncle sent back my cousin to finish school. Now they are doing good. I’m ninang of their boy.
But cousin number two was not quite as lucky, guy who got her pregnant wanted to take on the responsibility but tornado aunt would not want to have them married because she knew how irresponsible my cousin was. She was also sent back to school- two course in 5 years, they took care of the baby and his a nice pleasant boy now (calls me auntie ninang too even if im not his godmother) then when my aunt and uncle thought everything was fine with her she ran away 10 months ago, we discovered she was already a year out of school but keep on leaving the house everyday, took every tuition fee month they gave. ran away with boyfriend #2, got knocked up again, now with a baby girl. last time I went home my aunt told me that my cousin wanted to go home already probably because they were both jobless and barely making ends meet, or she missed the good life she had, my aunt wouldn’t let her come back -to teach her a lesson that life is hard and she needed to be responsible because she had two kids already. Her elder son is my aunt and does really care that mom is no longer with them.
I meant her eldest son is with my aunt.
Hi Speb Freespiritme – Good to see you there as well. Thank you for sharing your cousins story. I felt for you aunt and uncle, the sacrifices they made to give their daughters the good life they deserve. But the kids sometimes are just so ungrateful
You know the story that you just shared it happens to a lot of the families here in the Philippines. So common that parents will take the kids back and send them to school again. Some really did learned their lessons, but some just purely immature kids. Parents or guardians will sacrifice for them to have a good life but some of the kids are defiant. They think they know a lot and really they don’t.
It really reminds me a little bit of what we (Bob & I) experience to some of our nieces. The sending to an expensive schools and giving them the good life. Give them job after what happened but still not satisfied of what we could give. The sad part they were so ungrateful. Oh well, life has to go on…
Really more power to your aunt and uncle and to all the parents and guardians!
Thank you so much for stopping by!
New DOT thrust: “Getting knocked up is more fun in the Philippines”. LOL Young, poor, under aged dumb people making more of the same. It happens too in the US.
Hi John Heitz – What can I say “Welcome to the Philippines”…
It’s fun living here though even with the circumstances….
Mabuhay!
“Thrust” being the key word there, right John? 😉
Bob, now I get it. At first I read it as trust, not thrust. LOL I did not think of that when I wrote it, but it does add to the comment. Thanks
Ha ha… I thought it was an appropriate pun, John! 😆
John Heitz
That’s a pretty blanket statement to make. Having free choice and control over one’s body should a right that should be shared by all women, be they young, child bearing age, rich or poor, married or unmarried. I resent the phrase “knocked up” as it brings to mind a very cavalier attitude. Do you remember how you might have felt at that age? Does everyone always conduct themselves in a “mature” and”responsible” way, even as adults? Have all of us been made to pay the price for risks we might have taken in the past?
As with other issues, it’s not all black and white IMHO.
Its not a black or white issue, its a world wide poverty issue queenbee.
Everybody has a free choice to be stupid. Maybe Feyma can update us all on this girl in a year or two. I bet she will be on her second child. I will not bet on her being married to the first dad or if the first guy is also the father of the second child. I may sound hard ass, but I was trying to be a little funny at the same time. I first got to this country in 1974. I have seen this same thing going on and on over and over again. It’s ok to be horny. It does not take a rocket scientist to know how not to get a bun in the oven when you are still growing up.
Funny you should mention this…one of my house help had a boom boom bye bye baby 2 years ago at the age of 19….while here she had a casual relation with a boy down the street….boom boom baby # 2 is in the oven….guess she did not figure out how the whole thing works teh first time….she has since gone back home to Bukidon to live her life with her parents in poverty!!!
And yet they continue to defeat the RH bills? The country will never turn itself around if this kind of behavior keeps growing.
Mrs Feyma,
Sad story, unfortunately it happens around the world. Too bad alot of these kids have to learn a lesson the hard way. Thanks for the good article and have a beautiful day.
Hi PapaDuck – I know teens pregnancy is a worldwide problems. I wish that kids learn their lesson from seeing other teens struggles. It’s not an easy ride for the single mom and the rest of the family.
Good to see you here again.
Have a pleasant day!
Feyma, You should do 2 contrasting stories of the plight of Teen age/Single Mom Pregnancy, the Philippines vs USA.
I can tell you this is a big problem in the US and a huge drain on all the hardworking taxpayers, what our Government gives them is sickning, from food stamps, subsidized housing, bus passes and the list goes. Now there is a big push to give them free Cell Phones.
Hi Neal – Good idea. I might do that. It would be an interesting comparison. That’s one of the big difference being single parent there, the government will assist you there with everything. Sometimes it felt like encouraging people to have more kids. Now if they will have free cell phone? Wow, I’m speechless….
Here in the Philippines it is very difficult to get any assistance from the government agency.
Thank you for giving me some ideas of what to write about Neal. I appreciate highly.
Cheers!
Having been in the rental business i can tell you hours of stories of how the USA welfare system is exploited by recipients…its an absolute sham!
good point Neil, in the USA they make a living out of wedlock kids.
They do the same here in Australia Brian. What with our $4000 baby bonus for single mums and $6000 if married. And yes, every assistance you can think of under the sun given on a platter!
Neal, Brian
Totally agree. I see it everyday at the jail. People coming in with EBT/Access Cards and also have a pocketful of money alot of gold jewelry. They sell the money on there cards for drugs. It just irks me to see that. All felons and habitual offenders should lose that privelige. The system just gives women more incentive to keep pumping out babies and not having to work.
Hi Feyma,
Teen pregnancy is a tough problem for couples and families all over the world.
I do lament though, the issue of young men and particularly women in the Philippines who for lack of much access to birth control, are made to rely on
“self control” or “self discipline” when dealing with relationships. At a time when any woman might desire to enjoy or explore her sexuality, she must be very careful, and sometimes get locked in to marriage with the wrong person just by circumstance.
Hi queeniebee – I hear you. Problem here is that most people are scared to use the contraception because of their religious reasons. I’ve heard and saw faces of friends as if in horror if I mention about kids should use some contraceptives. The government really needs to use ads on TV especially those teleseryes (TV soaps) here. Lots of parents and young people watch shows like that.
Really the church tried to teach abstinence. But with the internet and cell phones young people had a hard time having self control. It’s just human nature that people had the urge. Really parents should talk to their children about sex education at the early age nowadays.
Thank you for the comment. Good to see you again.
Cheers!
Nice article Feyma, touching on a very real every day subject.
I can’t help wondering how, that if people are afraid to use contraception because of religious reasons, they’re not afraid to get down to the jiggie jiggie because of the same reasons?
The people who look horrified at the mention of contraceptives, in this day and age, need to be hurried along; their day has been gone for forty years now and they’re just taking up space. Perhaps they’re just jealous that their own time for fun and frolics has gone? I just can’t understand how people can’t get to grips with the fact that no-one can foil human nature; you just have to work with it. We’re not cats or dogs, we are supposed to be a more intelligent form of life after all!
Hi Jim H – Thank you.
Well, it is taught that its sinful to use contraceptives. I am more worried really of the growing number of babies popping in this world and go hungry. Just take a walk on the parks here in the Philippines or I should say in the third world countries I bet you, lots of beggars mostly kids asking money for food. I myself walking at the intersection near central bank here in Davao and kids and older people begging money for food. It really breaks my heart.
Honestly the government needs to do something about it. Its really sad seeing kids begging money or anything.
Thank you for your comment. Glad to see you here!
That’s the frustrating thing Feyma; people need to stand up and insist that that teaching is changed. There’s no excuse for it really…it doesn’t say it anywhere in the Bible; it’s just an interpretation by the Catholic Church who want to be able to have control over people.
It only takes one look at the situation in the world…babies that can’t be educated or fed, people begging for food to see how wrong that teaching is…in this day and age. The government should do something about it I agree, but the Church would go to war with them and advise people to vote against them at the next election, or worse, to rise up against an elected government and bring it down.
Agree Queeniebee. My cousin got into this predicament 2 years ago. Has not finished college yet and the girl was a 3rd year nursing student. He wanted to do the right thing and married the girl. Now, he kept applying to go abroad but with no qualifications to offer, has been unsuccessful. And oh, his wife won’t even touch or cuddle the child…..
My wife’s has an adopted brother in the province. The biological mother couldn’t afford to keep the baby boy and his health was showing it. His mother offered my wife’s family $1000 US and it was agreed to. At the behest of my own mother, the adopted mother and the biological mother went to the local authorities to formalize the process. Otherwise, the biological mother would have just dropped the baby and taken off. My mother was afraid that, without paperwork, the biological mother could keep coming back and asking for more money.
Hi Opus – Bless your wife’s family. I’m happy that the boy has people that love and cared for him. Thank God lots of people still had good heart in this world.
Good luck to your family. Thank you so much for stopping by!
Yes, teen pregnancy is a world-wide problem, but it is epidemic in the Philippines… The facts are there and obvious for everyone to see… Young people should be able to see the repercussions of unwanted pregnancy in the PI because it is all around them… A few minutes of pleasure, followed by a lifetime of responsibility… The only answer is education and contraception, both of which are sore subjects in the Philippines…
Hi Keyser – Yes its really is all over here. The problem too the government here don’t have any shelter here for the single moms. They might have like that in Manila but not in the province. I don’t think we have like a grant for the teen moms to learn some crafting or whatever for them to learn and have a job later.
I think parents should talk more to their kids about sex education. I know its not an easy subject to tackle. I know how it feels, Bob and I tried to talk to our teens here at the house on these subject matter quite often. We want that our kids are comfortable in asking questions to us about that subject matter.
I hope people uses something for prevention of pregnancy when they already had more kids that they ever wanted.
Thank you again for your comment.
Cheers!
Please don’t put young people on the pill without looking into all the problems they cause. They seriously affect most women’s attitudes and behavior. My wife and I nearly separated after her being on the pill for a year. After getting off it she is getting back to normal again but may never be entirely the same. Here is a good place to start looking at he effects.
http://search.mercola.com/search/Pages/results.aspx?k=birth%20control%20pills
I know people here don’t like to talk about sex but you really need to sit them down and explain that sex is very addictive and if they start it is nearly impossible to stop. Especially for young people. Pregnancy isn’t the worst thing that can happen either and pills wont protect you from diseases.
young single motherhood is rampant in the RP…you wold thnik that these girls would have seen many of their friends end up pregnant , alone and very little hope of ever gettting ahead in life as a single parent. Its shocking how these young boys go from girl to girl to girl doing this. I call it ” boom boom bye bye”.
Somewhat of a paradox here where sex is such a prudish subject yet most girls lost thier virginity by the time they are 16.!! This place is sreaming for sex education, I feel so bad for these girls who end up impoverished for a lifetime and teh guy just wlaks away !
Brian, Thats where the Catholic Church needs to step in. I think they have a responsibility to do that. In the US there is alot of incentive for woman to keep pumping out babies so they won’t have to work. Working in a county jail it really irks me to see so many people brought in that have EBT/Access Cards with a pocketful of money and alort of gold jewelry. Most of them trade the money on the cards for drugs. Felons and habitual offenders should lose that privelige.
last year when I was here teh RP bishop was all up in arms about the govt. initiated condom program…the bishop was against it !! I have since had serious reservations about the Catholic Church and my association with it.
Personally, I’d say that’s where the Catholic Church needs to step right back out of it, in my humble opinion; they’re the major part of the cause of the problem in the first place.
Papa Duck, I re-read your post there…perhaps you are saying the same thing as me….that they need to step in and sort out the problems caused by their own contemporarily inappropriate approach. I didn’t mean to be confrontational there, sorry.
Well, this is a worldwide problem, but when you see a culture, or sub-culture loose the power of the family unit disaster follows. We learn the most about being parents from our parents, and those who grow up with only one or no parents have such a huge disadvantage.
I enjoy your articles- Miele has such great insight, and his articles are so informative and interesting, Thompson has such refreshing humor and folksy charm, Bob’s articles give us such a good perspective for a westerner trying to understand the culture, but only you can touch our hearts and make us actually feel effected buy your story, Keep it up.
Hi Bill Bernard – I know its really a big problem all over the world but my worries is that in the Philippines the single mom had no help from the government. I know that they had to pay consequences of what they did. Just sad that the baby had to pay for the irresponsibility of his/her young parent. I am telling my young single mom helper to zipped up right now. She doesn’t need to get preggy again.
Thank you so much for your kind word for all of us the writers. I am really glad that you were touched of what I wrote here on the site. It humbles me. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
I hope you continue reading here. See you here.
Cheers!
Seems like this happens all over the world as my own daughter wouldn’t listen to us and at 17 gave birth to a daughter of her own. She has done well though and now years later has a great husband and a second child. She countinues to work and take courses to get a college diploma. I am proud of her and love my grand kids.
I suggest you read the info at PhilFaqs about PhiliHealth as it may help individuals and families like this with medical cost.
http://philfaqs.com/live-there/a-trip-to-philhealth/
foyma
this is so sad but happens not just to filipina girls but to a lot off teens all over and plz for give me if i must say this but it always comes back on mom and dad am i bad to say this as not all teen girl get preg if it was so there would be some think or some one to do something we can do about it ther eis tell them about sex and what will happen if thay sleep with boys is that too hard ii dont think so the more u tell them the better it will be when thay get there boyfriend in there room and just may be then thay will know how to say NO i will wait till i am married…………god bless peter martin tassie…..
i would like to adopt ms. feyma’s helper’s grandchild if the potential adoptive parents change their minds.
Although I don’t advocate others to take the same line as me, being a single mom would be a “death sentence” as far as becoming my wife is concerned. For me virtue is much more important than fertility. A woman who had already so loved a man as to have borne his child could surely not muster the same love-effort again. However, I would be happy to recommend single moms to those of my mates who were interested and available.