Flying to Tuguegarao

Last month, I needed to go up to Abulug in order to pick up Rebecca and Juanito. We are back and forth to the province about every month, depending on what needs to be done up there. Over the course of this year, with Juanito’s adoption in progress and several land transactions (along with a squatter problem), we have had to go to Abulug more often than normal… And it usually involves things that Rebecca must do, rather than my being the helpful Kano husband. Abulug is 120 km away from the closest airport, in Tuguegarao. To get up there, there are three ways to go: Drive, bus, or Fly and drive. Each way of travelling has its’ own advantages and disadvantages, and we tend to use whichever method suits our needs for a particular trip. Of the three travelling methods, we use the bus the most, followed by me driving, and flying the least often.

Here’s how we travel, with the approximate costs, time, advantages, and disadvantages. I hope this is helpful to expats when deciding how to travel within the country… The relative advantages, disadvantages, and costs are roughly comparable throughout most of the country, regardless of  your destination. Note that we normally rent a car up North when I travel (Rebecca never learned how to drive)… At the end, I’ll detail how to do that in the province (No Avis or Hertz in most small provincial towns).

By bus:

Cost: Florida Lines, Cubao or Sampaloc to Tuguegarao, Aparri, or Ballesteros.

400 pesos each way, per person for Ordinary (Small seats, no aircon, many stops)… 12 hours to Tuguegarao, 16 to Aparri or Ballesteros.

650 pesos each way, per person for Deluxe (Same as Ordinary, but with padded seats, aircon, and video… Planned stops every 2-3 hours)… Same time as Ordinary.

850 pesos each way, per person, for Super Deluxe (Wide seats, aircon, videon, one stop or nonstop)… 9 hours to Tuguegarao. No Service to Aparri or Ballesteros. (FX, Jeepney, or drive from there, about 3 hours).

950 pesos each way, per person, for Sleeper (very comfortable Lie-flat seats, nonstop, only one bus per day to each origin station). 8-9 hours to Tuguegarao. No service to Aparri or Ballesteros. (FX, Jeepney, or drive from there, about 3 hours).

Rebecca has been taking the bus back and forth to Abulug from the time she was an infant. Note that there is normally no central bus station in Philippine towns (There used to be a Central terminal in Cubao during the Marcos years, but that has long since disappeared)… Each bus company operates its’own stations along their allotted routes. The locations of the station you depart from depend on where you are going and which bus company owns the route. For Tuguegarao, it is Florida Lines and Victory Lines, primarily, with a few smaller bus companies also. Once you ride a route, you learn where the stops are located for meals, though I must caution tender Western stomachs to be really careful when eating along bus routes. We always take the busses that leave in the early evening, travelling overnight, and arriving very early AM in Tuguegarao (or late AM in Ballesteros).

Advantages:

1. Virtually unlimited amounts of baggage (Generally, for two people, 3 bags / boxes per person… Over that, you buy a “seat” for your cargo, either officially, or unofficially by making a deal with the driver or conductor.) This is an advantage for us since there are times we may be carrying several hundred kg of “stuff” with us to the province.

2. Very cheap way to travel.

3. Ironically, very relaxing. The stops break up the trip, and, if travelling in daytime, a beautiful route with nice scenery.

Disadvantages:

1. It is a bloody long ride, and very hard day… Lose a day up and a day back. Except the sleeper bus, it can be difficult to get much sleep.

2. The bus drivers tend to set the aircon cold enough to hang meat in the bus (or freeze all testicular function).

3. We have had things stolen from baggage on the bus (While we were asleep… an Ipod and Cell Phone)… Keep valuables close at hand.

Driving:

Cost: I pay 2,000 pesos per day, plus petrol (one tank up and one tank back) for a Nissan Sentra (Private owner… Hertz and Avis average 3,500, but you are insured and not responsible for any damage… an issue. Read my earlier article about driving at night). (Average 10,000 pesos for short, up and back, trips… 3 days minimum).

Time: 14 hours minimum, each way (I made it once 13.5 hours, but in bad traffic, it also took 19 hours once.)

Advantages:

1. No need to rent a vehicle up North.

2. Lots of room for baggage and cargo.

3. Ability to stop whenever we want.

4. No problem on Juanito’s car seat.

Disadvantages:

1. Long, hard, drive, with few hotels along the way to sleep over. After going up and back, I need time to recover.

2. Dangerous at night.

3. More expensive.

Flying:

Cost: Despite the low fares advertised, it averages out at 5,000 pesos per person each way after taxes, departure fees, and taxi to the airport.

Time: 2 hours screwing around at the airport, 45 minutes flight time. Tuguegarao flights are ALWAYS late(Every time I’ve flown there, sometimes by up to 3 hours. Still need to get to Abulug after landing, so + 3 hours). Minimum time 6 hours.

Advantages:

1. Despite delays, quick and less stressful. Still have 1/2 day in Abulug on travel days.

2. Relatively comfortable.

3. Flights depart from NAIA Terminal 3… New and stress free.

Disadvantages:

1. Tight baggage weight / pc restrictions (This is a BIG issue with us). Restrictions are more strict on domestic flights.

2. Limited number of flights (One each daily, Air Philippines and Cebu Pacific). The return flight turns around immediately, and each airline departs near the same time, so impossible to fly up and back the same day (You need minimum of one night overnight in Tuguegarao).

3. Most expensive way to travel.

4. Still need to get from Tuguegarao. (Going by FX averages 500 pesos for Filipinos each way, 1,000 pesos for Kanos each way…Unless you are a highly skilled negotiator… The drivers are all in Kahoots, so the rates are fairly standard, including Kano pricing).

Car Rental in Tuguegarao or Aparri:

As I mentioned above, I tend to rent a car when I go up to Abulug. There are a number of reasons behind this, not least of which is that since Rebecca’s mother does not own a car, there is usually some hauling and other tasks that need to be done up on the farm. Additionally, we tend to go to Tuguegarao and then shop, do other chores, before heading up to Abulug. A vehicle makes these tasks much, much easier. As I mentioned, there aren’t many car rental options outside of Manila, Cebu, Davao, and GenSan, so how do we rent a vehicle? Well, the answer is that we rent from Becky’s large, extended family. In Tuguegarao, we rent a Mitsubishi Pajero from an in-law at 2,500 pesos per day, plus petrol. In Aparri, we rent an FX from Rebecca’s uncle for 2,000 pesos per day, plus petrol. Filling the tank on each of these vehicles usually costs between 2,500 and 3,000 pesos for diesel. We are 100% responsible for any damage, regardless of fault (Even a flat tire… I had to get one fixed… You don’t just call Avis!)… Something to keep in mind before making these types of arrangements. Also, when you rent from Hertz or a company, the daily rate clock is 24 hours from when you pick up the car… Expect in these types of arrangements to pay an extra day over the time you rent, because they always count sun-up to sundown as a full “day” . Most Jeepneys and FXs can also be rented by the day, with driver, averaging 2,000 pesos for an FX or 1,000 pesos for a jeepney… The drivers wait for the busses and flights to arrive and congregate there at those times. You just need to ask around at the airport or bus depot… SOMEONE will rent to you there.

Hopefully, you found this article helpful before heading out into the sticks… Again, costs and times are relative, but having travelled in all three regions of the Philippines, they are relatively consistent in my experience.

Of Bellies and Shirts

This short posting is about a serious topic, and everyone reading this should take me absolutely seriously. Well, I am kidding around (So, no offense folks), but this is about something I find most unusual. When you travel around the Philippines, one thing you immediately notice outside of every carinderia, bar, or sari sari store, is the way that the men are dressed. What’s that, you might ask? Why should I notice?

Well, Filipino men have a most unusual habit of walking around with their shirts pulled up over their bellies. Don’t believe me? I’ve seen at least two guys walking around like this wherever there is a group of more than 4 guys standing around drinking beer. Think, “King of the Hill” in the States.  An interesting habit, and one unlikely to catch on outside of the Philippines, and, save for the most redneck parts of America, a mode of dress that I’ve never really seen too much. What am I talking about? Well, here’s a picture of me wearing my shirt in said fashion…. Lock up the kids, avert your eyes if you have a queasy stomach, and get the eye bleach ready… You’ll need it….

>>>>>>

>>>>>>

>>>>>>

Ready?????

>>>>>

Not kidding about the eye bleach….You’ve been warned!

>>>>>>>

Well, here goes….

OK… now, to truly wear your shirt in proper Pinoy style, scrunch it up just below your nipples, and stand there with both hands looking like they are clawing at your belly! Thrust the belly out for proper posture, and don’t be shy! Now, you may not be granted entrance to Malacanang Palace like that, but when drinking beer with the guys outside the sari sari store or with the tricy drivers, you’ll fit right in. It also is certainly cooler, and the shirt acts as a sort of sweatband, keeping your lower extremities dry.

Just one of the happy, unique aspects of life in the Philippines!

Sitting for our family portrait at TriNoma

Last month, we decided that it was time to have a family portrait made of Rebecca, myself, and Juanito. Certainly, since Juanito arrived, we have taken many, many pictures. However, this was the first time that we had a professional take a formal portrait of all of us together.

So, we packed up Juanito into the car, and headed over to TriNoma mall in Quezon City. TriNoma is a somewhat upscale mall here, with all of the major brand stores and things that most expats are likely to need when moving here. The mall is anchored by Landmark, an ultra-modern, upscale supermarket and department store. In fact, that is one of the primary reasons I am writing this article: The concern as to the availability of different items in the Philippines. Yes, the Philippines may be considered the developing world, yet, it is important for people to remember this: There is a hell of a lot of money in this country. Income distribution is widely unequal, and the “have-nots” certainly struggle just to survive from day to day. But what about the “haves”? Well, say that 5% of the population are well off. That equates to roughly 5 million people who are very much high-end consumers, most of whom live and work in Metro Manila. These consumers demand all of the goods that one could find in Europe or the United States, both in terms of quality and availability. In other words, everything that you could expect to find in the West is available here… For a price. That is what expats need to keep in mind when deciding whether or not to move here. Yes, the modern, top-line, feature-laden, LG refrigerator is for sale here, but do you want to spend the additional money to purchase this type of refrigerator, or would a simpler model suffice? These are the types of questions you will need to answer when moving here. What is important to you and a “necessity” or what will be sufficient for your standard of living. Once you head out of Manila to the provinces, availability of “luxury” goods drops quickly… Remember where those with the money tend to live. It is not Tuguegarao.

The point of all this is that a formal portrait by a professional photographer is very much considered a luxury out in the sticks… Not many people in the province can or will spend a whole month’s wages on a family picture. Yes, there are a few photographers out there, but you will need to search for them. Rebecca had never sat for a portrait in her entire life, save for passport photos.  There is a wing at TriNoma where there are 3 or 4 photo studios right next to each other. So, we choose one. Even the pricing was unfamiliar to her… She thought that you pay to have your picture taken, rather than paying for each print that is made. After the sticker shock wore off a bit, we ended up with one museum-quality framed portrait, along with about a dozen prints. The thought that we have at least one really nice photo together made it all worthwhile in her mind. So, below, here’s a couple of the pictures we had made.

Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em

This phrase has been heard by countless GIs over the years. I can almost hear some of the comments coming as I type this article. In recent times, in most of North America, Europe, and Australia, smoking has become taboo, with smokers being regarded as somewhat akin to lepers… EGADS! How dare you poison MY air!?!?!?!? (I’m self-censoring my response, but I think you can hazard a pretty good guess.)

Yes, I too am one of those who smokes the noxious weed. I’m normally reasonably considerate about it… If I am somewhere where smoking is permitted and someone nicely asks me to put it out, I generally do so. I have been highly successful at quitting… I’ve quit dozens of times. Oh, you mean that it is results that count? Well, not so successful.

For those considering moving to the Philippines who are bothered by smoke, you should be prepared to face a lot more smokers here than in the Western world… Welcome to Asia. You also generally will not find much sympathy among the general populace, so, if smoke really bothers you, you need to adjust… It is highly unlikely that the 35 million Filipino smokers will change their habits just to suit you.

Officially, around 35% of Filipinos smoke. Unofficially, just travelling around here, that percentage is too low. Officially, in Manila, it is illegal to smoke indoors in enclosed public spaces, and that law is generally followed, observed, and abided by in shopping malls and movie theatres and the like. However, open-air restaurants and most bars that serve primarily liquor are exempt. Additionally, some places, like airports, generally have enclosed smoking bars on the premises. The Philippines is gradually becoming more smoke-free, and, honestly, even as a smoker, I tend to agree with most of the prohibitions, especially in enclosed restaurants.

However, if you want to be a scofflaw (and not a very good guest in the country, by the way), most smoking fines are under 1,000 pesos, which is easily affordable for most foreigners. In any event, you will encounter many, many smokers here, most of whom start at a young age (as most smokers do nearly everywhere). Cigarettes are among the cheapest in the entire world here, with a standard pack of 20 costing anywhere from 20 pesos (40 cents US) for really awful locally made sticks, to 35 pesos (sometimes cheaper) (80 cents US) for Philippine-manufactured Marlboros, to 70 pesos for imported brands, to 80 pesos at the airport. Most sari sari stores will also sell cigarettes by the stick, or in small packs of 5 or 10. In fact, the only places I know of where cigarettes are cheaper is Russia and Indonesia. Contrast this with an average $5 to $7 per pack in the States or a whopping 5.75 pounds per pack in the UK, or nearly 15Euros in Scandinavia.

This isn’t saying that the Philippine government is pro-smoking. In fact, quite the contrary. The smoking laws are being broadened, advertising prohibited in many places, and a law has been proposed to start putting the same horrid pictures on cigarette packs that you see in Thailand, Hong Kong, and Singapore, among other places. However, with such a large percentage of the population being smokers, combined with general Filipino “live and let live” attitudes, militant anti-smokers will have problems here… That statement is virtually guaranteed.

I was not born under a rock. I know all of the health risks. I do not smoke anywhere near my son. I am generally a considerate smoker out in public. However, If this article seems a bit sarcastic, it is because, quite frankly, I get fed-up with the “holier than thou” attitudes of the smoking Nazis in the United States, and especially the UK. These are normally the same people who drive everywhere they go, putting far more pollutants in the air than my cigarette.

So, for all the smokers who read this, here’s my list of airports that I know of where you can still smoke after security, followed by a hint for airports like JFK and LHR where it is forbidden (Scoff away, Law!)

Asia: MNL, CEB, TPE, KHH, ICN, PUS, NRT, KIX, FUK, PVG, CAN, HKG, SGN, HAN, BKK, MHF, BWN, KUL, SIN, CDG, SUB, MYY, BOM, DEL, ISB, KHI, DUB, MCT, SHJ, AUH, BAH, DOH, KWI, RUH, AMM. (Not allowed… Istanbul, and Beijing, unless they changed back this year)
Australia and NZ: None
Europe: HAM, ZRH, GVA, FCO, FRA, MUC, MAD
USA: MIA, IAD, SDF, STL, DFW (American Lounge only), TPA, RDU, SJU (They closed the areas in Las Vegas).
South America: Every airport I’ve ever been to there allows smoking, except in Brazil.

Stuck wrong side off passport control on a long transit and jonesing for a nicotine fix? Handicapped toilets make a convenient place to grab a quick smoke, since the doors generally lock (Don’t try this at LGW… they are alarmed there). Also, another alternative is to stock up on dip or chew and grab a Styrofoam cup (Both of which are NOT common in Asia, so if you chew and are moving or traveling here, better stock up at duty free or search online for a tobacconist). That also works for most airplanes except those owned by Delta (Where they prohibit it for some reason.)

Mama Sally: A Good Old-Fashioned Horse Trader

Despite the mother-in-law jokes that have been around since time began, I like my Mother-in-Law. Really. I’m not kidding. Meet Sancha Carrao, or Mama Sally as she is better known.

Mama is nearly 70, though no-one will say how old she is, and very traditional and set in her ways. She speaks very little English, but we can communicate easily enough if Rebecca is around. She has very simple wants and needs: Roof over her head, some food in her belly, the occasional pack of cigarettes, and her children provided for. That’s all. She is nearly impossible to shop for: What do you get the person who has nothing and wants nothing? (We’ve given up on this front… It took our wedding to get her to allow us to buy her a new blouse and shoes. She said that she had no need for such frivolous things!) Mama grew up in the province, and has lived there her whole life, except when she went to school in Manila, where she worked as a clerk in National Bookstore, over 50 years ago.

In the Philippines, age means everything… Respect for age lies at the very heart of the family and social structures here, particularly in the provinces. Mama is the matriarch of the Carrao family, and her influence in town is somewhat substantial. When I first met Mama, Rebecca told me to offer “Mano Po” to her and sort of watch what I said. The reason was that if, when we met, Mama did not approve of me, for whatever reason, Rebecca would have broken everything off with me, regardless of her feelings. Age equals wisdom in the Philippines, and wisdom demands respect. Thus, in Becky’s mind, she would have had no other choice but to bend to Mama’s wishes. Indeed, just last month, even though she is over 40, Rebecca was reprimanded for wearing a skirt that was above her knee. Mama thought it was improper for a married woman to be wearing such things. So, Becky went inside and changed into jeans (But she looks good in anything… She certainly has the bum for tight jeans.)

Mama is superstitious, like most people in Abulug, with a very deep Catholic faith. She is a big believer in the miracles at Piat, insisting that she was cured of dengue (Fever, as she called it) after praying to Our Lady. Rebecca’s father died over 40 years ago, killed while dynamite fishing (Two of her uncles were seriously hurt and almost also died), and Mama has an air of sadness about her. I don’t think she ever fully recovered from Becky’s father’s death. Indeed, for many years after he died, Rebecca was largely raised by her grandparents and uncles, since her mother sort of withdrew from life in general.

Since we moved to the Philippines, we have tried to get Mama to come down to Manila, so her and Becky could spend some time together. No dice… She is too firmly set in her ways. Abulug is home, it is where she was born, and where she will die. However, last visit, we were able to convince her to go to Tuguegarao with us for a day of shopping, which is where this story really begins.

We got to Tuguegarao, and Rebecca and Mama humored me by letting me have a “Kano” lunch of Greenwich pizza. We bought all kinds of vegetables at the market, shoes for the kids in Abulug, and were headed home. As I’m passing through Iguig, Mama says, “John… stop the truck!” She was really excited. She saw the roadside stand set up where they were selling brand new bolos. Her eyes lit up and a big smile crossed her face. I said, “Mama, do you need some?” She gets out of the car, almost as fast as I can stick 1,000 pesos into her hands. Rebecca jumps out, too, after sticking Juanito in my lap.

Now, by “bolos”, I am referring to the locally made variety… Cut from an old truck chassis, handles made from an old tire, and ground to a razor sharp edge by a grinding wheel. The stand had around 15 different types of bolos, in all manner of shape and size, for different tasks. Some curved like a sickle, for harvesting rice. Others with a really curved, nasty looking blade, for slaughtering pigs. Yet another on the end of a 2 meter handle for cutting down buko or other fruits. Yet still another shaped somewhat like a tomahawk, for chopping wood or meat. Finally, a long, curved blade for hacking through brush and jungle.

Mama picks up each bolo with an expert eye, testing the edge with each one. The maker calls one of his sons over, who then puts a bolo between his teeth, scurries up the nearest palm tree, and cuts bukos down. He slides back down and gives a buko to Mama, who then proceeds to test the bolo out. Satisfied, the negotiations begin, taking around 10 minutes. Rebecca returns to the car and tells me “Mama is buying one of each.” I give Becky another 1,000, and she goes off. When I see them wrapping the bolos in newspaper, so I load them into the truck (We ended up with 12, at 100 pesos each.) Mama came back with a big smile on her face, happy as a clam. Seems that the maker saw the truck, with me in it, and wanted to charge her Kano pricing… Mama would have none of that. She bargained him below the normal price. I would trust her to negotiate anything (Becky learned from the BEST!)

I’ve come to regard Mama as family… Yeah, she’s set in her ways, but I can learn a lot from her. She has stories about the old days and the old ways that are fascinating, and she still lives pretty much the same way to this very day. Indeed, I am very lucky to have such a Mother-In-Law.

Good Banking News for American Expats

I’m traveling in the States this week, and I had to go to the bank yesterday in order to wire Rebecca some money for bills at the house and the fish ponds. I had a most pleasant surprise when I got to the Bank of America office in Miami. In fact, this was the only pleasant surprise I have ever had at any bank!

On LiP, there have been numerous articles about accessing your money from the Philippines, and even more inquiries from those hoping to move to the RP in the near future. Everyone has to make a living and making banking arrangements before moving is one of the most important tasks you have to finish before moving.

In my case, Rebecca holds a Philippine account, and I have accounts in the States and in Abu Dhabi. Previously, I transferred cash between accounts primarily by using ATMs. This normally worked OK, but I ran into problems with daily withdrawal limits and it could be quite cumbersome if I needed more than 20,000 pesos at a time or the machine ate my ATM card (This happened at an HSBC machine and it took them over 2 months to get me a replacement card… They are now on my permanent list.)

The money laundering and tax evasion reporting laws made ordering wire transfers between accounts in different countries from US-based accounts very difficult, requiring an order in-person at a bank branch (Impossible from the Philippines), or a pre-approved wire transfer order submitted ahead of time, and entered into the bank’s system. This year, the law changed requiring banks to perform these functions electronically, and it now becomes possible to easily request a wire transfer when you are outside the United States. In fact, the surprise at Bank of America was that they are now requiring all wire transfer requests be made online, and they can no longer be effected in person at the branch. Bank of America’s new policy is that unverified transfers can be made up to $1,000 limit with no verification online, and with no limit after a simple online verification that is completed online at the time of the first transfer and takes about 1/2 a day to complete!  The cost of each transfer, no maximum limit, is $30. Needless to say, this new procedure makes my life much, much easier. It now means that all my financial transactions can be done online, shifting sufficient funds between the States, the Middle East, and the Philippines to pay all my bills, no longer needing to use repeated ATM transactions (At least $30 in fees for over $1,000) or visits to Western Union, and so on.

The branch manager stated that Bank of America was the first to offer this service, but she expected that most US banks would soon be following suit in the near future. I personally liked Bank of America’s online banking system, since it was easy to use and quite comprehensive. In fact, I was able to set up the accounts online, simply submitting a signature card when I was back in the States to get everything started. Before I found this out this week, things had gotten to the point that I was seriously considering opening an offshore account in the Bahamas or Macau, simply because of the hassle of transferring money from US banks.

So, for those moving here in the near future, or for those who are already here (set it up next visit back), this option for managing your money in two separate countries now appears to be the easiest, cheapest, and most efficient method of managing your money.

My Japanese Colleagues’ Lambanog Experience

This week, I had some meetings in Japan. The project I’m working on is quite large, in the hundreds of millions of dollars range, and one of the key people involved is moving to a different company. The situation was quite tense, not caused by myself or my company, but involving one of our partner firms on this project. Without getting into too many of the grisly details, this situation really exposed the drawbacks of not being familiar with Asian business culture. There were promises made, hurt feelings, and loss of face, exposing this project to failure before it even gets off the ground.

In my background, my work ethic has always been that I jump into the fray and help out wherever I’m needed… I don’t get wrapped up in titles and roles. Indeed, nearly ten years ago when I first started working with my company, I saw a pile of rubbish sitting in a corner of the office. Rather than call someone to clean it up, I grabbed a box and started cleaning up the mess. My boss walked in, sees me doing janitorial work, and tells me: “John, always remember this… You are paid to think… NOT to do. I appreciate the fact that you are a team player, but your time is too valuable to be helping the cleaning staff!” At the time, I think my nose got a little out of joint. As things have progressed over the years, I have gradually come to see his point. So, my role, as project manager, is to get things moving again and play peacemaker. In my experience, the best way to soothe hurt feelings is to gather everyone together informally, supply plenty of alcohol, and sort everything out (Works every time!).

Therefore, I made a stop in Japan on the way to the States, called everyone into the meeting, and picked up a bottle of 170 proof Lambanog on the way out of town. My colleagues in Japan booked dinner at a restaurant in Kobe that only serves Kobe beef. Your menu choices are beef, beef, or beef… Only the quantities vary, and truly the highest quality meat on the planet. I brought the alcohol, and made a deal with the bartender to make a Filipino version of a famous South American drink… A Pisco Sour. In my mind, Pisco tastes a lot like Lambanog, so we created a new drink in keeping with the Philippines’ Hispanic heritage.

Lambanog is uniquely Filipino, and is made from coconuts that are distilled into a type of alcohol, vaguely resembling tequila or vodka. Informally it is called coconut or tuba wine… The difference between tuba and lambanog is distillation: Tuba is fermented but lambanog is distilled and very potent. Rebecca’s relatives make lambanog up in Abulug, sweetening it (or “Aging” it, as they call it) with Juicy Fruit chewing gum and raisins for around two months. Let me tell you that this aging is important. I’ve tried it right out of the still, and ANY mellowing that is done to the liquor helps greatly. Think the characteristics of drinking a shot of a fine, vintage paint thinner and you’ll quickly get the idea. Lighting a cigar near the still is also not a good idea, and you could probably pour this stuff in your car’s fuel tank and it would combust just like petrol!

I start the meeting, everyone lays their cards on the table, and by the time dinner is over, plied with excellent food and alcohol, everybody is friends again and working hard to get this project moving. So, by the end of the night, everybody is also a bit loopy from these Lambanog Sours (and whiskey and beer). So, I can thank a little bit of Filipino tradition and culture for saving my project. If you want to try these at home, here’s the ingredients… They are really good, tasting something like a margarita, with a frothy head on top:

• 2 shots of Lambanog (I don’t like weak cocktails, so 2 shots… You could lessen the amount a bit.)
• 1 shot Lime Juice
• 2 sugar cubes
• 1 egg white

Fill a shaker with crushed ice, and shake everything together until frothy
Pour into a rocks glass, lime and sugar on the rim
Sprinkle a bit of ground cinnamon on top, and voila!

The bullet just missed Rebecca’s head!

Life is fragile. In the blink of an eye, you can take your last breath. What starts out as a typical, routine day will someday be your last. Last week, I was a bit shaken up when I received a call from my wife while I was in GenSan. It caused me to reflect on how much I love her and how much I really depend on her.

Rebecca was returning to Abulug after dealing with some legal issues here in Manila. She returned back home with me and then had to go back up for our son… We are trying to keep Juanito on as much of a schedule as we can, so Juanito was being watched by my mother-in-law, the yaya, and Becky’s relatives. Rebecca’s bus pulled into the station in Tuguegarao at around 6:00 AM. She went to the ticket window to buy a ticket to Aparri for later in the day. As she bent over to look for her wallet in her purse, a gunshot sounded and the bullet went through the ticket window, shattering the glass, between her head and the ticket taker’s, missing each of them by about 6 inches. In other words, in that fraction of a second that she moved her head, her life was saved by mere chance and luck. Two hours interviewing with the PNP investigation uncovered what really happened.

What happened? Was it a robbery? No. NPA or terrorism? No. Domestic dispute in public? No. So what was it?

The bus station security guard decided to clean his gun and it discharged!

When I heard this, I was really quite angry. Yes, it was an accident. Yes, it was unintentional. The guard wasn’t out to hurt anyone. However, this incident was incredibly stupid, asinine, and could easily have been prevented. Someone could easily have been killed. The guard will lose his job, as he should, and the PNP told Rebecca that he would probably face some charges related to endangering the public (But you really cannot legislate stupidity.)

In the Philippines, you see armed guards at every mall, bus station, hotel, bank, airport, subdivision, compound, and even the local palengkes. These guards are nearly always armed, sometimes with rather substantial weaponry. But how safe do they make you? Are they sufficiently trained? Do they even know how to use their weapons? Would they really lay down their lives to protect people or property for a few hundred pesos per day in wages? The frightening answer is that you may be safer without them there than with them there. Last year there was a major bank robbery in Manila where several customers were killed, and the guards simply ran.

I actually had this article planned for a while. The incident with Rebecca moved it up in importance. You see, last December, one of the security guards at our compound killed himself, also while cleaning his gun. He decided to look down the barrel to see if it was loaded or not. Big mistake, and his last mistake!

Think about this for a moment… How much training could a guard who cleans his weapon in the middle of a crowded bus terminal have received? The answer is obvious. Not much. So, are you really any safer when you walk into the mall and the guard pokes a stick into your bags? Are you any safer at a hotel where they rudimentarily x-ray your bags, but let staff stroll in and out unchecked? Are you any safer when guards to a parking lot look under your vehicle with a mirror, but leave the trunk latched tight? Ask the people killed at the JW Marriott Hotel in Jakarta, the Taj Hotel in Mumbai, or the Marriott in Islamabad. All of these places had virtually identical security equivalent to common Filipino standards, and it did nothing.

I suppose the mere visual presence of security guards may deter some crimes of opportunity, or crime perpetuated by rank amateurs, but the bottom line is that these guards could never even begin to prevent serious criminals from meeting their goals. They likely would not even slow them down. They also serve the purpose of being cannon fodder if anything serious really happens… They get killed, giving more time for a response.

I see many comments from expats or those seeking to move here asking about security and the necessity of living in gated communities. Yes, the guards do provide at least a modicum of protection, at least checking who enters and leaves, and perhaps contacting the police if something suspicious is happening. But I pose the following question to all of you: Would you feel safe with your children around people cleaning their weapons in public without even checking if they are loaded? Think about it a second. Last week I very nearly lost my wife and my son nearly lost his mother.

How can an airline be so inept? (I’m talkin’ to you, PAL!)

I don’t normally rant too much. However, recently, my tolerance for stupidity related to air travel has waned drastically: Security theatre, asinine rules, lack of respect for anyone’s time, blatant lies, and so on. I’m no novice flyer. As regular readers of this column know, I’m in the air on a nearly weekly basis. I understand that things happen due to weather and so on. However, the more that I fly, the less tolerance I have for idiocy and ineptitude.

Over the last year, I’ve been a defender of PAL, despite the numerous problems people express online and elsewhere. If you live in the Philippines, more than likely you will eventually have to fly them somewhere. Yes, there are alternatives, but if you need nonstop or service to some domestic destinations, PAL may be your only alternative. With PAL, if there are no problems, they are generally OK, if a bit disorganized. I mean, it only took 18 months and 40 flights on them to get my Mabuhay Miles card! (If you are thinking retroactive miles credits for flights?….HAHAHAHAHA!!!”).

Particularly endearing to them is the fact that Terminal 2 at NAIA tends to run smoothly, with less hassle. Most airline service into Manila, regardless of airline, is drastically subpar when compared to elsewhere. Far more bureaucracy, rotten service, interminable delays, and endless queues. This even applies to airlines like Singapore Airlines or Cathay Pacific, which tend to be good to outstanding… Except into Manila. Why is this? Well, there are several reasons. First, the Terminal 1 facilities are hopelessly out-of-date and over-crowded. Next, computer and other systems are antiquated, making even routine items a hassle. For instance, in this day and age of e-tickets, why, oh why, should you need a printout of your flight just to enter the terminal? “Security reasons” as an answer is simply a cop out. Next, the weather in Manila at certain times of year is unpredictable, at best. Finally, and this is the most important point, most of the passengers flying overseas are OFWs, who have little say in which airline to fly and little to no voice if there are problems. Their employers simply buy the absolute cheapest tickets possible and send them on their way. The airlines know this, couldn’t care less (How valuable is an OFW’s time to them?), and know that there is no impact on future business. So, you get what happened to me, related below, as a prime example of airline customer service to or from the Philippines.

I was in Jakarta, and the only nonstop to Manila is a red-eye flight on PAL. We board the plane. Captain comes on the mic and we are delayed 30 minutes due to mechanical. OK. No problem. 90 minutes later, we are told to disembark without our carry-ons. OK, so they need to ship in a part, right? 15 minutes later, we are told to go collect our carry-ons, but we will depart at 6:00AM. The flight was supposed to leave at 12:30AM. Here’s the exchange I had with the station manager, at this point:
Me: “Put me on another flight.”
PAL Station “Manager”: “No need. The flight will depart.”
Me: “No it won’t. I need to get home. Put me on Cathay or SQ.”
PAL: “Sir, you will be on that plane!”
Me: “Then why are they unloading the baggage from the hold?”
PAL: “ummmmmm……”
Me: “You are either lying or an idiot. Which is it?”
PAL: “Philippine Airlines regrets to inform you that flight PR9__ to Manila is canceled. We regret the inconvenience. You are all re-booked on flt SQ___ departing at 9:00AM arriving Manila at 5:00PM.”
Me: “You lying sack of sh_t! Get me someone with a brain. Your solution is unacceptable.”
PAL: “I didn’t lie.”
Flight purser who overheard this: “Sir, there was a mechanical problem… What do you want us to do?”
Me: “Hire managers who don’t lie to my face! AND… GET ME TO F’ING MANILA EARLIER!”
Flight Purser and Manager: “It’s a mechanical problem. Not our fault!”
Me: “Mechanical means someone wasn’t doing their job. There is no excuse for lying. Get me on an earlier flight!”
PAL: “This is the earliest flight.”
Me: “Bull! You didn’t even check. Look up Cathay. Look up Malaysian. Look up Lion Air. Look up Air Asia.”
PAL: “We made other arrangements… You are booked on SQ___.”
Me: “NOT acceptable.”
PAL: “But that’s what we booked you on.”
Me: “I’m speaking English. What part of “Not acceptable” do you not understand? Do I need to speak idiot to you? Are you that stupid? GET ME THERE EARLIER!!!! You have wasted too much of my time already. Your time may not matter to you, but my time matters to me!”

This exchange went on for 2 hours, while locked in the departure gate at Jakarta (We couldn’t leave the room). They finally relented and got me to Manila at 2:00PM… 7 hours late. I’m normally not that rude, but to have the manager lie to my face…. He deserves whatever he gets from me. Effectively, PAL’s position was “We screwed up, this is your only option, suck it up and take it.” The 90% Filipino passengers barely said a word. No one wanted to lose face. THAT is why airlines get away with things like this. What is so ironic is that on my connecting flight through SIN, I was told to see the PAL station manager for my connection. When I arrived at the PAL desk, I was told that he was too busy and to come back later. I really blew my top at this point, telling the counter agent to get over here and there was no more room for laziness and stupidity, and that she wouldn’t be done with me. At this point they just gave me my boarding pass and the “manager” sent his assistant onboard the plane to apologize to me. I told her, “I’m not mad at you, but your “manager” is the biggest waste of space on the planet and should be shoveling sh*t out of a latrine, except that I doubt he is qualified to even handle that. He is absolutely useless. He can take his apology and shove it!” She said she would relay the message, but I wrote it down for her, just in case. On top of it all, they lose my luggage, and it is delivered to me in Singapore three days later, after I’ve already departed Manila! Adding insult to injury, Singapore customs confiscated the ½ carton of ciggies I had in the bag (I wasn’t expecting to enter Singapore with them… There is NO duty free tobacco there and it wasn’t worth S$70 duty for smokes). I seriously considered pulling in a business connection (The board member of PAL) to complain after all this, but I try to keep my business dealings separate, since we do not directly do business with PAL, but another of his companies. I do not want to tarnish that relationship, even though several of his managerial staff should either be retrained or terminated. I’ll probably informally mention it at our next meeting, if the opportunity arises.

So, I swore I would never fly them again. I could tolerate other issues, but this incident in Jakarta was simply a comedy of errors. When I fly on business, saving a few dollars in airfare doesn’t matter. I usually pay full fare and can pick and choose without cost being a concern (Except with drastic cost differences.) My time is worth more. I also generally keep my cool, and am relatively laid back. Most of my employees tell me I am even too easy going. However, I will never tolerate blatant lies, saving face or not. The only way to prevent customer abuse like this is to get in their face, saving face be damned (Keeping in mind that I wasn’t yet in the Philippines).

So, what happens? Last week, it is back to Jakarta, then GenSan! I intended to base out of Singapore to Jakarta, flying SQ, and reluctantly taking PAL domestically, given that CEBU Pacific doesn’t like US credit cards. But…. My appointments changed. I had to fly PAL on the nonstop again. The look on the Station Manager’s face when he saw me checking in was priceless (He ran and hid!) It is almost as if we are long-lost buddies now.

Trying to Cope

Regular readers might have noticed that my postings have been less frequent recently. Well, quite frankly, you would not know there is an economic crisis given the current state of our business. In fact, I’ve largely typed my articles and responses while waiting around in airports (like now) before moving on to the next place.

I’ve talked about the computer systems my company makes in previous articles, but in the last year, demand for our product has skyrocketed. In fact, we are opening large offices in both Japan and Singapore in the very near future, with most non-accounting functions moving to Asia in the next few years. I am talking about a company of 35 employees growing into a company of 500 employees in the span of a year. All of the responsibility squarely resting on my shoulders.

Why all the growth? Well, in the marine industry, there is an organization known as the IMO (International Maritime Organization). This organization is responsible for determining the standards of virtually everything that floats and the enforcement of those regulations. Part of the IMO’s mandate is the development of pollution regulations, such as allowable emissions, restricted dumping areas, and so on. There was a convention on marine pollution in 1973, known as MARPOL, and the latest regulations that ship owners must observe, Annex VI, Tier 3, go into effect in January 2016.

What has happened is that this year, the political pressure on ship owners to control pollution is getting very heated, and many large shipping lines are currently trying to figure out how to cope with these regulations. As is usual in issues that have become political footballs, the regulations quickly outstripped the technological ability to comply.

Yes, the Philippines is a signatory to the MARPOL Annex, however, realistically, if someone sees smoke on a ship in Filipino waters, who are you going to complain to? But think for a minute: Where do these ships travel? Japan, America, Australia. The developed world. The places where politics matter.

My company has developed a solution to clean 96% of the emissions from commercial ships. It is a combination of computer software, scrubbing equipment, sensors, filtration equipment, and charting technology. A highly complex solution (from an engineering point of view) to a very complex problem (You cannot ignore the laws of physics, regardless of what the politicians say.)Our customers are guaranteed compliance with all regulations for the next ten years, operating ships that effectively emit only water vapor, and, despite the cost, self-financed, so economically feasible. The regulations are themselves highly complex. Every country is different. Some places, like Canada, go into effect next year. Some, like the Philippines, are at the back of the pack. We are completely unique in the market at this time and have no competition anywhere in the world.

So, this is why I haven’t been so up-to-date recently. My sales and marketing strategy has changed. Customers are approaching me, rather than the other way around. Add in the back and forth I do to Abulug, and you will quickly see why my time is so limited. So, an apology in advance if I am a bit late answering comments, or a bit late in a new article. I have several articles that I would like to write that I have had no choice but to put on the back burner for a while.