I was just browsing the news here in the Philippines. I came across a story of a former actress that died due to cancer. Her hubby was interviewed and he really said that he is lost now after losing his wife. They’ve been married for more than 3 decades now. By the way, they got married at a very young age. So really, as if they both grow up and matured together. That’s the reason why they’re had a very close relationship.
It really got me thinking because she died still a fairly young age. When the husband said that “he is lost without her”. I can’t blame him for saying that statement. When we first came here to lived, I can really see Bob will say that similar lines, because I know that Bob will have a hard time surviving without me. I’m not exaggerating it but that’s just the truth with us. Bob would really get lost if I went ahead of him. Even my immediate family or his immediate family will say that too. They know because if I was out of the house for a few hours Bob will be antsy. I’m not sure if part of the reason because we never been apart for a long time (days) in the States before. He is used to having me at the house all the time. He works at home pretty much since the early years of our marriage. I’m happy to say that he is getting better about it now. For the past few years now he is good already.
When I first arrived in the US, Bob and I really talked about death. At first it caught me off guard. When he explained to me that we have to talk about it since all my family lives far away from us. He has to know what do I want if something happened to me there. Do I want my body be shipped here or be buried there? I told him not to spend the money on sending my body here, I want to be buried there since at that time we’re living there. When we first moved here, that’s one of the things we talked about too. I asked him the same questions if something happened to him does he wants his body be shipped there, he said no need, he wants to be buried here. Our kids know that too.
Me and my friends were together for our summer party there. We talked about that similar subject. Some had the same reaction (the newbie there) as I had before, mostly that were already there for a long time were so open about talking about the topic. But it got all of us friends to open our minds when one of our friend died, she was hit by a car and died instantly. She lives just a few blocks away from us. Her son stayed at our house almost everyday to play with Chris. Luckily she already had a Will made. Everything went smoothly after she passed. She states in her Will that she wants to be cremated. It goes on the will that she wants her ashes be distributed in her property in Luzon, if I remember. Her husband and her son came to the Philippines to do what she said. Bob and I were lucky enough to be visited by her son when they came here.
Honestly, us that have kids we really had to talk and have a “Will” made by the lawyer. Really at the early age we should have it done. I think with the internet nowadays people are already open about death. It’s not taboo to talk about death anymore.
For you expats here in the Philippines, if something happen to you are you wanting to ship your body to the place you’re from? Or do you just want to be buried here? Is it important to you to be brought back to your birthplace? Feel free to say what you think.
Cheers!
The single guarantee of life. Even more inevitable than taxes….
Hi Byron – That’s a nice way to put it. 🙂
Have a great day!
Before I moved over here my youngest brother and I talked about the reason for me moving to a foreign country and in the conversation he said that he did not want me to go because he was afraid He would never see me again. He also had concerns about what would happen if I died over here.. My reply to the first is because all four brothers are scattered by hundreds or thousands of miles we very seldom see each other face to face anyway. At the time My brother Jerry was in China, broth Roger in Wisconsin Brother Randy in South Carolina and I was In Florida. We had been using Facebook for sometime as a means of staying connected and I told him that would not change. As for what would happen if I died over here I told him that if all went according to my plans, that is what would likely happen since I had no plans of returning to the USA. also that I did not desire to be shipped back for burial. Death is final and what happens with our remains will not change anything. For a grieving family a simple memorial service is good enough for remembrance and bonding together those left behind. W e will all leave this life one day and where one dies or where he is buried does not matter. What does matter is how we live our life and that we are happy during our lives.
Hi Joe – You’re right spot on.
*** Death is final and what happens with our remains will not change anything. For a grieving family a simple memorial service is good enough for remembrance and bonding together those left behind. W e will all leave this life one day and where one dies or where he is buried does not matter. What does matter is how we live our life and that we are happy during our lives. *** ——– I really agree with you.
Thank you so much for stopping by. Have a wonderful day!
Hi Feyma.
This is a good subject, especially for the older xpats.
Myself? I would prefer to be cremated at whatever place I died and my ashes strewed into the Sea!
Again, this is a heavy subject to be given thought to by everyone.
Hi Heinz – Thank you. We did have similar thinking about cremation and just scattered the ashes at sea.
It’ is a heavy subject to talk about, but it is also an important topic to talk about too, I think.
Thank you so much Heinz for sharing your thoughts.
Have a pleasant day!
The question of what to do with me (or you) after death should also extend to the family in many cases. If I decide that there is no need to ship my remains across the ocean to be on one side or the other, it is very possible that some members of the family might have difficulty with “closure”. Since I’ll be gone, how I feel is fundamentally irrelevant (forgive big words). But my children and other members of the family will have their own issues to deal with. If there is no funeral (or other memorial type service), and no “body in the casket”, some might struggle with … he just disappeared and never quite get over it.
The topic is essential and must be worked through on multiple layers. The physical issues, the emotional issues and we sometimes forget to consider the spiritual issues.
What really happens to me _after_ that?
Many people presume there is nothing after that…but it should be considered seriously.
Hi Byron – It’s definitely something for the family to talk about, most especially expats and OFW people. Like you said some might want closure, the closure for them might be to get to see the lying body in-front of them. If financially strain, better just buried wherever you are then.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate that.
Have a good day!
Nice read Feyma. I had an American friend die here in the Philippines 2 years ago. He had no wife here so I took it upon myself to take care of his remains. He was duel citizen with USA and Poland. I turned on his laptop and his Skype account popped up. This gave me contacts of friends of his in the USA. Contacting them I found he had a daughter in Poland. So I had to work with the USA Embassy and the Poland Embassy to get permission to dispose of his remains. This turned into a real headache. The Philippine Police would not release the body till I had permission from his daughter to do so. So he is laying in the Funeral Home rotting while I am trying to take care of many papers. To cut the story short, it took me 18 days to get all the papers together. Meanwhile the Funeral Home keeps pumping him up with em-bombing fluid.to try to save the body. I shipped his body to Dumagutte for cremation. Now I ask you, why do you need to buy a casket to cremate someone??? He was a big man so they had to build an extra large casket for him. Then they put it into a crate to ship anyway. Over night trip to Dumagutte and I had to pay two people to accompany the remains. So they put him in a box $100.00 for the box and brought him back to me. I took his ashes and dumped them into the ocean which was his request. What a mess and it cost me P83,000. Guys and gals you must have a plan for when you die. It’s a must. I have a plan that includes casket and service paid for. No problems. Pastor Bud
Hi Bud – What you just shared is one example that expats should talk about this topic. Also have some plans of what to do if something ever happens.
Lucky for your friend that he has you as his friend. You really showed how good of a friend you are to him. Kudos to you. I hope you got a big thank you from his daughter for taking care of her dad.
Thank you so much for sharing. I hope many readers here will take the time to reflect what you just shared to us.
*** Guys and gals you must have a plan for when you die. It’s a must. I have a plan that includes casket and service paid for. No problems. Pastor Bud *** —– A very good and useful advice for all our readers here.
Cheers!
A good topic we all should be very much aware of.
We never know how or when it’s gonna happen.
We have talked a lot about it, specially if my wife should die before me.
What about our house, what about our land?
Will i stay? (Ohhhh yes i will)
We have made arrangement about land in Cebu and our house here in Luzon.
My newest information is that if you are married to a Filipina, you can – as foreigner inherit it, but in case i can’t, we have a arrangement that i can live in the house, till i die. The same with our land, i can build and live there.
All details are ready in worst case scenario: If we both die at the same time – if i die first.
One thing we have to do though. is to make it signed by a lawyer..
It’s not easy to talk about, but we really really have to do it, living abroad or not.
Not just talk, get it written on paper, make a will
It is so important that we try to make the time after a loss, less difficult, do all we can to arrange things ahead.
Maybe people don’t talk so much about it, but then some, will use time and energy to think about it, worry about it.
Get it done, then it is a relief and not a thing to get worried about.
Hi Axel – Thank you.
You shared a very good and useful advice for our many readers here. Thank you for sharing. I really appreciate your effort on sharing here.
Have a wonderful day!
Good article Feyma. Something all expats need to tie serious thought to.
— “Spread my ashes in the sea” evokes a somewhat morbid romantic end to one’s remains but thanks to modern day solutions, there are always legitimate alternatives to this sort of final solutions. There are places in the world where you can have your ashes turned into a diamond and even more practical and less expensive ways of mixing your ashes with a potted plant, say a tree, and literally having your remains planted in your back yard where the loved ones left behind can see the plant grow. If you think I am making this stuff up, here is a link to the “Tree-Planting” solution.
https://urnabios.com.
–Shipping a body from the Philippines to the USA for regular burial will run in excess of $10,000 usd. Then there is the cost of the burial on top of that. One needs to have some really deep pockets to go that route.
Hi Rich – Thank you so much.
I think too many expats go the route as you’re talking about (spread the ashes). Sending the body back to the place of their birth, really cost an arm and a leg. Too many can’t afford that expense I’m afraid.
You got so many ideas there. Some of our readers might want to do that.
*** Shipping a body from the Philippines to the USA for regular burial will run in excess of $10,000 usd. Then there is the cost of the burial on top of that. *** ——- It’s just to darn expensive. Too many can’t do it. Maybe a few will do it.
Thanks for sharing a lot of your thoughts and ideas here. Highly appreciated.
Have a fantastic day!
Hi feyma it’s allways a subject people don’t want to discuss but sooner or later it’s going to
Happen,it’s allways best to have a plan in place money set aside or insurance to pay for it
So you won’t be a burden to your family after your gone,in the meantime walk about with a
Smile on your face life’s to short and enjoy each day ,I see loads of expats in Manila so miserable.
Derek in Sunny pasig.
Hi Derek – So true. Yep sooner or later people have to be prepared.
*** Smile on your face life’s to short and enjoy each day *** —— Absolutely. 🙂
*** I see loads of expats in Manila so miserable. *** ——- I think it’s all over the Philippines. We have some here too in Davao. LOL
Have a good one!
A question.
In the US when someone dies, the hospital hands out your phone number as next of kin to many organizations. I mean respectable ones. Specifically, orgs who want the eyes for research, and other groups involved in organ donation.
Any Philippines equivalents?
Hi Owen – I’m not sure really. We might have here, I just didn’t know.
Thank you for stopping by!
Yeah Feyma you are writing very well about maybe all of us are thinking. I wont brought back where I come from. Here is my new home alive or dead. Back in Germany I was seldom thinking about it but here due we have more family members and more friends with family members you are hearing more about death and you are joining more funerals within one year then your whole live before. Yeah, we should enjoy every day as if it is the last one and that means I have to get back soon to Fr Franco for a yummy Mediterranean meal, espresso and his great liqueur.
Hi Andreas – Thank you. Bob’s thinking along the same line as you too. He said no need for him to be send back there since me and the kids are residing here now. We will be here for the long haul. 🙂
*** Yeah, we should enjoy every day as if it is the last one *** —- Good advice…
*** I have to get back soon to Fr Franco for a yummy Mediterranean meal, espresso and his great liqueur. *** —— Tell Father Franco hello from me. We miss him. We were just talking about him a few days ago. Have a good visit with him.
Good to see you here!
For me I want to stay here.
Hi Luke – Are you talking about the Philippines? Sorry I’m not sure if you live here already.
Cheers!
I want to be cremated, with my ashes distibuted to my wife and kids in various urns. This way I will always be with them whereevr they reside. (2 kids in US and Wife & 2 kids in Philippines)
Hi Chris – That’s a good option too. Something for our readers to think about too.
Thanks for sharing. Have a great day!
Whats the cost to be cremated here…??
Hi Lenny – I think not less than Php 30k. Just heard that from someone just talking about cremation recently.
Cheers!
Another informative article Femya. I guess death comes to all of us sooner or later and in some cases unexpectedly. Recently round noon, an expat neighbour of ours passed away suddenly while tying his shoelaces on his patio. An ambulance was called and he was taken to the local hospital where he was pronounced dead. Soon after his body was then taken to the local crematorium and was cremated later that evening. He obviously had prepared all the paperwork and necessities for the event. Total inclusive cost around 70000 pesos.
I think the cost of a cremation vary as an old friend passed away recently, the cost of her cremation including her chapel service was around 70000 pesos. This included the price of a fancy coffin. To my horror, immediately after the service, just prior to her cremation, her body was taken out of the coffin. Made me wonder what they did with the coffin, maybe use it again…. Filipinos tend to accept death more openly than some western cultures.