A week or two ago, I wrote a column of miscellaneous items, one of which was about a visit from my niece, Sweet, and her fiancee, Heart. They were to be married soon, and I was one of their Primary Sponsors (Ninong). This past weekend was the wedding, and Feyma and I, along with all 4 kids went down to GenSan for the event. It was really a great weekend, and turned out to be much more special than I realized it would be. In fact, attending the wedding caused me to re-evaluate my life, my family, and our family history in many ways.
You see, Sweet, my niece, was one of the flower girls at our wedding in 1990. Not only that, she and Heart were married at the same Church where Feyma and I said our vows. Both of these factors brought back a flood of memories to my mind as I sat there watching the wedding ceremony. Mostly very good memories, with a few not so good sprinkled in for reality. When I first saw Sweet being walked down the aisle by her parents, I felt quite emotional. A tear come to my eye, because to see our flower girl approach the alter for her own wedding, it made me realize how far Feyma and I have come along our respective paths in life. We were both still young when we were married (although Feyma moreso than I). I was 28, and Feyma was 21. It was the first marriage for each of us. Thinking of the family that we have now, it was just a special feeling.
Another thing that was really inspiring to me is that our oldest son, Chris, was a groomsman. For those who are new to the site, you may not know that Chris is mentally retarded, he is a “special child” as they call it here. In the States, I doubt that Chris would have ever participated in a wedding in his life, as what he did this past weekend. With me being a Ninong, and Chris a Groomsman, we sat fairly close to each other during the wedding. When I would look over at Chris with the other Groomsmen, it really made me proud of him. For the first time in his life, Chris wasn’t different from the others. He was “one of the guys” so to speak. He was treated no differently than anybody else. Chris is nearly 17 years old now, and it was very fulfilling to see him more as a “regular person” than ever before. In addition to that, our youngest son, Jared was the ring bearer for the couple. It was also his first time to ever participate in a wedding before.
This whole event really made me evaluate where I am in life, where I still want to go, and of course made me think about where I’ve already been. I couldn’t ask for more than I have when it comes to family. I love Feyma with all my heart, and am so happy that I found her. The wedding was Saturday, and Sunday was Feyma’s birthday, and it was a milestone birthday this year. I’m not going to say how old she is, but it’s up to her if she wants to reveal that. Having attended this wedding, which so reminded me of our own wedding really made her birthday more special to me – it made me realize just how special she is to me. When it comes to the kids, I feel so blessed in that department too. We have three boys, Chris, 17 years old; Aaron, 12 years old; and Jared, 8 years old. In addition, we have one girl, Jean who is 12 years old. I love all of my kids dearly, and seeing them participate in the wedding really gave me a warm feeling in my heart.
The first time I came to General Santos City, when I married Feyma, Sweet was the niece that really warmed up to me. I have lots and lots of nieces, but of all of them, Sweet was my buddy. She would sing for me, perform, read poems to me, etc. when she was only 5 years old. Over the years that I lived in the States, I always looked forward to seeing Sweet again during my return visits to the Philippines. After we moved here permanently, there was a little incident that happened between Sweet and Feyma and I, which drove a bit of a wedge between us. It made me very sad, and for a number of years we didn’t speak with each other. This is one reason why I was surprised when she asked me to serve as their Ninong. At first, I was not sure that I was the right person to be Ninong, because of the incident that we went through. However, on the advice of my Bisaya teacher, Bebe, I decided to go ahead and do it. I put the incident behind me, and I love Sweet as much as ever. Truth is, I never stopped loving her, but it was just hard to get past the incident. I’m glad, though, that Bebe convinced me to put it in the past, that was good advice.
I wish Sweet and Heart nothing but the best in their married life together. If, 20 years from now they can look back and have the same feelings that I have right now, they can consider themselves to be a smashing success. I hope that is the case.
By the way, I’d like to take this opportunity to wish Feyma a belated Happy Birthday! Don’t worry, I gave her a special day, but it is only belated here on the LiP Site! Honey, you are the best thing that ever happened in my life, and I hope you know that! I love you with all of my heart.
Hi Bob. Not much to say but this is probably your best piece ever….
Cheers!
Hi Dr. Sponk Long- Wow! Thank you so much!
Bob
You put heart right out there on this one.
You said things that many others often keep in there head.
Your words here may make others think of what is "Really" important in our short lives.
Thats all I have to say about that! (GUMP)
Hi Neal in RI- Thank you for your comment. I try to put my heart out there in every column that I write. It seems that based on your comment, and Dr. Long's maybe I was a little more successful today than others. 😆
Thanks again.
Yes Bob, the guys above said it.
Just a comment for Chris really and how great it is to see him progressing so well in his Philippine home, great that he feels so comfortable, that he is treated with love and respect and that he gets all the emotional and family support he needs. I have no idea about the US but for me seems like this is a much better place for Chris to be than the UK would be, it is a great credit to the Philippine society that they can take someone with special needs and treat him as a person, as himself. You are obviously very proud of him.
Hi rick b- In the States, the problem for a person like Chris is that his extended family members are too busy with their own stuff to deal with him, and the extra amount of time that he needs, and thus he tends to go neglected a bit. That is also a problem for people like Feyma and I who are the parents of such a child, because extended family members are too busy to assist in taking care of the special needs that he has, thus leaving the parents too tired to assist him as much as they should. This is one of the reasons why we elected to move here originally (among many other reasons as well).
Yes, Feyma and I are quite happy with the way that things have worked out for Chris. He has a pretty balanced life now, and is growing up about as best he can, I'd say.
Thanks for your comment, Rick.
Your a good man Mr. Martin. You also have found the wealth in life that all people strive to find. I am happy for you.
You know Bob, if there were to be only one comment to this post, Dr. Sponk's would be all that was really needed. It's still fairly early here this morning and I suspect many other good things will happen to me today … indeed in a non-demanding way I even expect them too, but if nothing at all good happens, you have just made my day for sure.
You write well about many subjects and have a wealth of knowledge on your 'specialty', living here in the Philippines … but you have a talent for making us feel part of your family and conveying what's in your heart in a way I can only stand in awe of.
I went to a wedding and was a ninong this past weekend too. I _could_ write an article similar to yours, but I wouldn't even try … I can't even begin share with people in the same way as you do. Thank you.
Hi Ron LaFleur- Thank you so much, Ron. I appreciate what you said.
Hi Dave- Wow, Dave, thank you for that. Your words are very kind. Don't shortchange yourself, though, I am sure that you can say some very good things about the wedding that you attended too.
One thing that (I think) made the wedding I attended different from the one you attended is that it was our flower girl getting married in the exact same church where we were married 18+ years ago. Something like that can't help but have an impact on a person, IMHO.
Bob that is so heartwarming. Really nice.
Hi Cathy- Thank you so much. Wow, I didn't realize that this article was very special at all until everybody started commenting. I feel pretty humbled to hear these kind of comments. All I can say is that I only wrote down the things that I was truly feeling inside.
Hi Bob – A wonderfully Sweet story, written from the Heart! (Sorry, just couldn't pass it up, again.) 😉
And a belated Happy Birthday to Feyma, too. Of course, there were enough details to calculate that which was hidden from us. As I mentioned to John Grant, I turned 39 for the 21st time last month. Perhaps "dear asawa-mo" might consider some similar method of counting years – maybe number of sweet-sixteen birthdays? 😀
Hi Paul- I guess I did leave a couple of clues there, didn't I. It's OK, we'll just keep it between us! 😉
Maayong Hapon Bob
I think you are becoming filipinized. ;wink; The Filipine people are much more caring than people in the states and the Filipino people are one of my favorite things about the Philippines.
The not speaking to one another is another characteristic of the Filipino. But after a while they always get back together and all differences are forgotten.
Maayong adlawng natawohan Fema. 😀
Bob,
It was nice seeing the photos, your kids are growing up so well. I am especially happy to see Chris doing so well too.
I have met all the kids except Chris and remember an article you wrote a long time back about the school where he was sent to and how well he adapted to the training. With you and Feymas Love and support, I see how a good young man, special can be used in more than just a definition for him.
Hi Larry- Yep, in some ways I am getting Filipinized, I would agree on that. Thanks for your comment!
Hi Bruce- Thanks for your nice comment about Chris. He really is doing well living here in the Philippines, and I am very happy for that.
This is should have been titled: Evaluating Life, An Early LIP Valentine Presentation. 🙂 Serously, this entry could very well be your public renewal of vows! All the best for you & Feyma, Bob!
Hi roy- Thank you very much! I appreciate what you had to say!
Hi Bob,
You really are a poet, my friend. To borrow an old saying, Heaven isn't just a place, it's a feeling. You've certainly described your personal heaven on earth.
Best to you and your wonderful family!
Hi Henry- Thank you very much, my friend. Yes, when you said what you said about heaven, it really felt right to me.
Hi Bob,
Sounds like you are a very lucky man.
Please give Feyma my best wishes for her birthday.
Tyleen
Hi Tyleen Reynders- Thank you… indeed, I do consider myself to be very lucky. Well… one of my sayings is that there is no such thing as luck, but I mostly say in that in conjunction with Business matters. I believe, in that area, you get the luck that you make for yourself.
Hi Bob.
I too, must say that this is proberbly the best article that you have ever written. Every word is filled with love to your family, being your wife and children, or your nieces.
You made the start of my day a very happy one, and I wish you and your family all the best in the future.
A special "happy birthday" to Feyma.
Hi Preben- Thank you very much! You made my day by saying that I got you started off on a happy day! We've gone the full circle now!
Hi Bob- please wish your wife many happy birthdays for year to come from me, if she is into such wishes from a total stranger!
You wrote: "where I still want to go, and of course made me think about where I’ve already been."
It did not take attending a wedding for me to feel the same thing a few weeks back but it was more like "where I still want to go" that made me start thinking it is time to get going already.
Cannot believe how fast the years go by. Most likely my life is half over and it feels like it has not even started. This is why I am planning this move to the Philippines. Look forward to meeting you!
As stated in an earlier post, for people much smarter then I the age of your wife can be figured out.
Comparing the price of gas with America, well that is another story.
Hi Mike- Thanks for your comment. Yes, life is short – too short. Always try to move in the direction that will make you happiest as early as you possibly can. That is my recipe for happiness in life!
Hi Bob,
Sharing your personal experiences and general thought on various subjects made me feel comfortable to express and share my views to everyone. There’s no doubt that your articles and the rest of the writers touched our lives in one way or another. Although I have not met any posters in LiP Web Magazine, I feel like I have instant acquaintances whenever the opportunity comes our way to meet in person. For you Bob and Feyma, I thank you both for sharing the good and bad experiences in life to us. Belated Happy Birthday to Feyma.
Cheers,
p.s. hope to meet you guys soon.
Hi Teng- Thank you very much for that. We also value your friendship and look forward to meeting you next time you are in Davao!
Hi Bob
I enjoyed this post very much. Like you I have that special Buddy who is also a neice and we spend time together going swimming or to the mall and I hope someday to be there when she walsk down the aisle but not too soon. I'm getting closer to the move and I am really excited.
Hi Bob !! and HAPPY BIRTHDAY Feyma !! i really hope we are as blessed as you and yours are. I too have a nephew who has fragile X syndrome and autism so he is considered by those that don't know him "mentally retarded" or for lack of a better term mentally challanged, but in our family he is treated as normal as anyone else and if we have a family function which includes weddings he also is expected to do his part to the best of his abilities and he knows this cause he is loved as i know Chris knows he is loved from your family all the best bob n Feyma –
Hi Dan Mihaliak- I am glad that you also have a special relationship with your niece too. It sounds like you will have a good time when you move here!
Hi Tommy- That's nice to hear! I hope that your nephew is doing well.
Happy Belated Birthday to Feyma also from all of us here, Bob. I remember the song "The best thing that could ever happened to me"… I am sure, I could also describe my wife Rose like this… – And, very nice post – thanks for sharing it with us…
Hi Klaus- Salamat gyud. Magestoriya ko kang Feyma para sa imo.
keep up with the good works Bob ,,You only get better 🙂 Phil R.
Hi Phil R.- Thank you, Phil. I'm glad that you enjoyed the article.
Hi Bob,reading your article made me feel quite emotional. you are a good man Bob. Being a mother im also proud of Chris even i havent meet yet. He seems a very happy and secure child and have a loving family besides him.
Happy bday to Feyma and many more to come….Hope to meet you March 2009 as we will be in davao for araw ng davaw
Hi Berlin Austin- Thank you for your kind words. I try to be a good person, although none of us are perfect or even close to it. Again, thank you.