Do You Enable Wife Beaters?
Foreigners that live in the Philippines and beat their wives or girlfriends bring disrepute to the rest of us. They also are may also find themselves deceased. Filipino have their own way of dealing with such things. You could also very likely and I hope soon, find yourself deported if your one of the men doing this.
A few months ago, there was a man on Bantayan Island that was known for beating his girlfriend. One such night she went to the police and reported him. Before the next day was over, he was dead. The police said that he died from beating his head into the cell wall.
I asked someone that lives on Bantayan Island what he thought about the situation. The islander motioned with his hands to indicate someone pushing a man’s head into a wall.
It is interesting, that the doctor at the emergency room said the accused died from strangulation. At least that is what was reported in some local news papers. I later found out from a nearby police chief that the official cause of death was a heart attack. You’ll often get a heart attack after having your head bashed in.
Men that hit women to control them need help. They are mentally ill. So let’s help them seek help. They are usually motivated by the fear of being discovered as inadequate. Hint: We are all inadequate.
Men are so much stronger than women. The only time using force against a woman is justified is to prevent them from doing serious harm to someone else. So what if a woman hits you, is it really going to harm you?
You’re strong enough to knock her across the room. One of your “manly” punches could even kill her. When you strike a woman, the world will eventually find out and we will know that you are a coward. That you can’t handle the daily troubles of life. We will know how scared you are! Being discovered as unable to handle life is your biggest fear so this is not the way to keep us from knowing.
If you have a friend that does this, don’t support him. Don’t make excuses for him. Instead, reject him. Any thing else enables this deviant behavior. Personally, I’m pretty lenient on someone that makes one mistake. That depends on how violent the attack was though. Rarely, will that happen only once. When the same deed happens over and over again it ceases to be a mistake.
When the rest of us don’t hold these guys accountable, we enable them to continue abusing the women. Then it reflects badly on the rest of us. Stereotyping is human nature. We like to put people into neat little groups, appropriate or not, we do it. Since a few expats exhibit this cowardly behavior, and we are the ones that are different, the behavior is likely to be attributed to all of us.
I am suggesting that we do not associate with expats that treat women this way. Don’t do business with them. Don’t help them in anyway, unless it is to get help regarding their abusive nature. It may go on more than we know, okay you can’t do anything about the people you don’t know about. The people we do know about should be shunned until they get the help they need.
If they don’t get the help, help them get locked up or thrown out of the country. I wonder how many are here because they cant be in their home country because of the same behavior. One would think, their passports would be tracked. Lately, more people are being arrested and deported upon arrival in the Philippines. The Philippines has setup a task force to identify those wanted in their home country.
For me, being against women beaters is like being against baby killing. Its obvious. I hope it really is a rare thing. However, I know one barangay captain and it is one of the biggest day to day issues for him. Next time I see him, I’m going to ask why he just doesn’t have them deported.
My point here is to stop enabling abusive husbands or abusive boyfriends. I know this enabling is going on. I know of one such person that I no longer associate with. I also see others bend over backwards to support him and feed his ego.
I don’t understand why we would admire wife beaters and woman abusers. I hope this behavior will end. We can reduce the behavior by making it socially unacceptable. Take a look in the mirror and make a change. Do your part to reduce this kind of behavior.
Rusty Ferguson is an American Expat living in Bogo, Cebu.