Expat Wife Beaters

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Do You Enable Wife Beaters?

Foreigners that live in the Philippines and beat their wives or girlfriends bring disrepute to the rest of us.   They also are may also find themselves deceased.  Filipino have their own way of dealing with such things.  You could also very likely and I hope soon, find yourself deported if your one of the men doing this.

A few months ago, there was a man on Bantayan Island that was known for beating his girlfriend.   One such night she went to the police and reported him.  Before the next day was over, he was dead.  The police said that he died from beating his head into the  cell wall.

I asked someone that lives on Bantayan Island what he thought about the situation.  The islander motioned with his hands to indicate someone pushing a man’s head into a wall.

It is interesting,  that the doctor at the emergency room said the accused died from strangulation.  At least that is what was reported in some local news papers.  I later found out from a nearby police chief that the official cause of death was a heart attack.  You’ll often get a heart attack after having your head bashed in.

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Men that hit women to control them need help. They are mentally ill.  So let’s help them seek help.  They are usually motivated by the fear of being discovered as inadequate.  Hint:  We are all inadequate.

Men are so much stronger than women.  The only time using force against a woman  is justified is to prevent them from doing serious harm to someone else.  So what if a woman hits you, is it really going to harm you?

You’re strong enough to knock her across the room.  One of your “manly” punches could even kill her.  When you strike a woman, the world will eventually find out and we will know that you are a coward.  That you can’t handle the daily troubles of life.  We will know how scared you are! Being discovered as unable to handle life is your biggest fear so this is not the way to keep us from knowing.

If you have a friend that does this, don’t support him.  Don’t make excuses for him.  Instead, reject him.  Any thing else enables this deviant behavior.  Personally, I’m pretty lenient on someone that makes one mistake.  That depends on how violent the attack was though.  Rarely, will that happen only once.  When the same deed happens over and over again it ceases to be a mistake.

When the rest of us don’t hold these guys accountable, we enable them to continue abusing the women.   Then it reflects badly on the rest of us.   Stereotyping is human nature.  We like to put people into neat little groups, appropriate  or not, we do it.  Since a few expats exhibit this cowardly behavior, and we are the ones that are different, the behavior is likely to be attributed to all of us.

I am suggesting that we do not associate with expats that treat women this way.  Don’t do business with them.  Don’t help them in anyway, unless it is to get help regarding their abusive nature.   It may go on more than we know, okay you can’t do anything about the people you don’t know about.  The people we do know about should be shunned until they get the help they need.

If they don’t get the help, help them get locked up or thrown out of the country.  I wonder how many are here because they cant be in their home country because of the same behavior.  One would think, their passports would be tracked. Lately, more people are being arrested and deported upon arrival in the Philippines.  The Philippines has setup a task force  to identify those wanted in their home country.

For me, being against women beaters is like being against baby killing.   Its obvious.   I hope it really is a rare thing.  However, I know one barangay captain and it is one of the biggest day to day issues for him.  Next time I see him, I’m going to ask why he just doesn’t have them deported.

My point here is to stop enabling abusive husbands or abusive boyfriends.  I know this enabling is going on.   I know of one such person that I no longer associate with.  I also see others bend over backwards to support him and feed his ego.

I don’t understand why we would admire wife beaters and woman abusers.  I hope this behavior will end.  We can reduce the behavior by making it socially unacceptable. Take a look in the mirror and make a change.  Do your part to reduce this kind of behavior.


Post Author: Rusty Ferguson (42 Posts)

Rusty Ferguson is an American Expat living in Bogo, Cebu.


Comments

  1. says

    hello rusty
    i have to agree with you totallyhere on this article.
    i spent many years growing up with my moms husband very abusive to her in very violant ways.one day when i was 16 they were fighting alot and it ended up he was chocking my mom bad.all i can say is when he woke up after 45 minutes of my fury.he never disrespected my mom again.i think only cowards hit women and never fight with men.terrible to treat gods perfect gift to man in such a manner.deport them all is what i say.
    nice article my friend.
    salamat rusty

  2. Neal in RI says

    Rusty

    So you are “Doing your Part” by merely not associating with this person that you know is a abuser. Isn’t that just the same as turning a Blind Eye.
    If you feel so strongly about this abuse you need to stick your neck out a little farther and help. Its easy to be concerned and condem this behavior but few people will ever “Sack Up” do any more than that.

  3. brian says

    Rusty I agree with you totally but I will play the devils advocate here…I knew a gal very very pretty..nice personality as well…but she evidentally had a thing for guys who smacked her around. The only guys she stayed with were guys who beat her, anyone who treated her as one should, with respect & love ect….she would dump.
    She gravitated to guys who “man handled her” as she put it. Yes I do detest guys who are abusive in anyway, but for a gal to going back to him bruise after bruise I place a bit of the blame on her.
    I know your going to say ..well poverty and yada yada she still has a better life…is bull.

  4. bill says

    your pretty hard on these people

    lol but not hard enough yes a lot of women do seam to look for this type of man but nobody deserves to be beaten these people need help but youll never get it for them as they think that there ok i have dealt with many of these men and nothing seams to help
    yes the only thing you can do is stay away from them women also stay away from them

  5. Dale Head says

    Hi Rusty,
    You are very right in this article and I can see that this bothers you as much as it does me. Do you think that the guys that do this makes them feel tough or something? I would like to take one of these so called fellas and tell him OK Mr. Tough Guy how about beating me up like you did that woman? This type of guy would would probally run like a scolded dog or get down on his knees and cry like a baby. There is no excuse for this sick behavior. I don’t care what kind of past they have had. They need to be put in a concentration type camp for life and let the guards work them over ever once in awhile to remind them how those women or children felt.
    Any man who hits a woman or child is not a man!

    Thanks,
    Dale

  6. Tyleen says

    Rusty
    I applaud your efforts.
    Men who beat their women deserve not only our contempt but a little vigilante justice.
    I am surprised that more of these men aren;t being “counselled” by the women’s brothers. I am a firm believer in baseball bat therapy.
    What are the laws regarding spousal/girlfriend abuse???? Is it different for Kanos???/

  7. Joe says

    When my wife first came here to the United States, she met another immigrant Filipina woman married to a white guy from the church we attend. My wife confides everything to me, even if she promises another person that she won’t share any part of their private conversation with me. My wife told me something disturbing about what this other woman suggested to her. The woman told my wife that if she could start an argument with me, and provoke me to such extreme measures that I might lose my temper and strike her (as in a smack in the face or worse)- that she could then call the police, have me arrested for domestic abuse, get a restraining order, and then file for divorce as an abused spouse. As an abused spouse, my wife could then get an attorney and immediately apply to have her status adjusted to permanent resident status and have the two-year conditions removed as a result of such abuse. Having secured her permanent resident status and an impending divorce, she would then be free to start dating other men. Men who are much older and much richer than I am. Easy targets for a beautiful young asian woman. Of course, my wife would never do such a thing to me- but it is a very disturbing idea. And it probably has happened to some unfortunate guy somewhere who married a scheming gold-digger. Here’s my point- don’t be quick to judge. There may be more to the story than you are willing to hear. If it’s some maniac who enjoys beating his girlfriend for no reason and she doesn’t have the means to get away- I would say it’s probably your business to do something about. Just make sure you have your facts straight.
    PS- I don’t allow my wife to associate in any way with that other woman- who knows what other crazy idea’s she has?

  8. Phil R. says

    Hey Rusty My sisters tought me long time ago not to hit girls ..and it was a hard learning experience for me at 8 years old ..They both beat me up for punching one of them on the shoulder , they are twins … and there is no reason to hit a woman…… I think that is a hard way to have a heart attack .. Phil n Jess

  9. erik cable says

    What I am hearing Joe saying is spot on In America.
    A friend of mine was put thru the court system over a dvc.
    He was arrested and locked up,until he could post bail in the amount of $5000.00 dollars.
    The arresting officers noticed a small bruise of the wifes arm.
    The husband claimed he only wanted his cell phone back from his wife,as she took it from him during a verbal argument.
    She called 911 and told the operator she needed help.
    The couple seperated and divorced after this call to the police.
    She now has 1/2 the cash and a new boy friend.

  10. brian says

    I know of a guy who had this happen he married a Russian gal he meet online…she tried to do exactly that…abuse, cops, divorce = 1/2 his assets of whcih he was pretty well off. Unfortunatly she did not know his background, he grew up in a rough neighborhood and himself was a pretty tough guy albiet u would never know it. Self made man and all. He drove one night to his ( or HER home as she put it ) grabbed her by the throat , put a 38 cal up her nose and told her next time he comes home and finds her here he will pull the trigger, call the cops and next week he will be out on bail and he will find her and pull the trigger…he scared her so bad she pee’d in her pants, she packed her stuff and he never saw her again.He was a basket case for about a month, was pretty hard on him, I was his best friend & he never told me or anyone till about 10 yrs later how he dealt with it. Kinda extreme but as he put it, he was going to giver her a nice life, was loving yadayada and he would have rather burned it all and start over than to be had like that.Sometimes you gotta fight fire with more fire I guess.He died several years ago…i miss the guy…was a good good person.

  11. brian says

    ps: now that i recall, he knew she had a intense distrust of authority being from the USSR and all, and he had a good hunch he could get away with it.Figures…he was in sales..very good at it…

  12. Jason says

    Hello again!

    Ironic that you wrote soemthing like this when in my home town, there is a legal case regarding such beatings. Seriously…can you really be considered a MAN if you can do such a thing to a person that you are supposed to be in love with??? If my wife told me that someone she knew was being beat…”*************” <—-insert evil deed here!

  13. brian says

    Rusty you work hard for 25yrs and some gal who you meet and marry online from russia after 12-14 months decides shes entitled to half your assets, I’m not talking $100-$300 K but most likley 2-3M, hires not one but 2 lawyers to go after everything u have ( no children ) , why? because she had that intention from the begining. George never laid a hand on her, treated her like a queen and thats what he gets? ….sorry but i think she got what she deserved gal or no gal she was out to scam him form the git go.Do I condone it? Never draw a line in the sand for you may be the one to have to cross it.

  14. wildcat75 says

    OMG! After reading all the comments here, i find it quite scary that sometimes (i didn’t say most) finding a foreigners husband is 50-50 chances you got, Rusty this is a good topic and i agree w/ u , a man beating his wife/gf is not man at all but no offense meant to all foreigners but sometimes i found it hard to believed why some men always hurt their love ones, i never tolerate this kind of domestic violence too…..on a safer side i think i still prefer someone i know personally rather than find him on an online site……i know some found a networking worked for them but for me i think not……JMHO….

  15. wildcat75 says

    Rusty,
    The problem is they never caught me at all, before they get closed i already run away so i’m safe !!!! hahaha! just kidding! No i’m not really into a networking, i’m more of a forum fan than spending time on the chatroom and talk w/ them for hrs via webcam….. not my style though….. i agee w/ u too that there are some women who are out there to scam some foreigners that’s why i’m not a fan of these so called networking sites no matter what they say about meeting their better half online….. well it’s good for those who found a true love online but we know that this was not always true…..
    And besides i don’t want to find myself becomes a punching bag of someone i meet online…. ouch!!!joke only…..

  16. erik cable says

    Rusty,

    This friend of mine was found not guilty.
    Turns out the wife made the case look like abuse.
    she even put a scrach on her wrist to show damage.
    Yes I agree men shall walk away before the screaming mate provokes anger.
    This lady came at him with a heavy stick at times to get her way.
    The court system is for the lady.So small,and so much power.$$$$
    ps- the cigar pic is cool

  17. says

    i think Filipino men beating there woman and spouses and cheating on them is a far more prevalent in the Philippines then a couple of foreigners doing so there.not to condone any of that activity by anyone but its pretty common spousal abuse in P.I.

  18. erik cable says

    Rusty,

    I got lucky she is hot.
    She was a live in with her married boyfriend before we met on fh.
    The 2 of them made 3 babies together,who are now teenagers.
    She would often fall to tears when she would talk about her life living with this WIFE BEATER,he hit her almost everyday if he felt like it.She could not escape for no where to go and no income.
    She did finally get out,but I see that this fighting has effected the kids since of well being,and Margie still has nightmares.

  19. Michael says

    I find this discussion quite bizarre. No thinking person condones hitting women however I would be very concerned about condoning a situation where the foreigner appears to have no legal rights and can turn up dead in the hands of the filipino police after a complaint by his filipina wife.
    My filipina wife says wife beating and cheating by filipino men is common but the filipino abuser doesn’t get murdered by the police. Certainly the ones in her neighborhood didn’t get touched by the police – at worse a chat from the barangay captain. My filipino brother in law gives his wife a beating and the brothers say nothing to him.
    I would be wondering if this guy was wealthy.

  20. erik cable says

    Rusty

    Margie is that person you talk of
    I have to be very carefull with her
    She is so worried that I will go to another women that is younger than she is
    Today I shot a videao of a young girl filling my gass tank
    and Margie was so in shock
    she felt that I wanted this girl for a lover
    and she would not talk to me
    I felt something was wrong,and I asked her?
    Finally she told me that I wanted this girl !
    I said Margie,no I just want you honey.
    We need to really treat these ladie’s with alot of comunication and assurance.

    In the states or other places of the world,maybe we continue a fight to long
    Here I think that we need to get to the talking and understanding fast!
    I would hate too have Margie stop to love me so much,because of a simple miss understanding

    I told her you are my one and only !

  21. says

    Rusty
    You have to love Filipino justice!

    They are making progress but tracking wife beaters and sex offenders, but it still is a major problem. In the mean time you are right not to associate with people like that. Also a few posters around town might be in order.

  22. Mike T says

    I’ve been told Filipino justice is equally brutal for rapist, drug dealers and pedophiles, especially for foreigners. It seems like a double standard — treating foreigners worse than natives — but i guess it’s the Filipno way of keeping crime in check.

  23. says

    Rusty, is it true?? We are not allowed to beat our wives or even our girlfriends. What about our girlfriends under the age of 14?? Surely its OK to give them a good thrashing now and then. You know, disciplinary actions only of course.
    Double standards here. No. I cannot believe it!
    Drug dealers?? Do you have any contact numbers for them??
    On the whole I have to agree that wife beating should not take place anywhere and I very much doubt it takes place here any more than in our beloved homelands. So lets not get too terribly hysterical about a worldwide phenomenom. (spelling??)

  24. says

    Hey Ron,

    Had to be really hard to witness that.

    We can’t always deport them but we can refuse to have anything to do with them.

    Thanks for the kind words!

  25. says

    I know of someone that does this and expats bend over backwards to associate with him. Though usually, they end up in a fight with him too.

  26. says

    Neal, after you’ve lived here a little while you’ll have a deeper understanding. I have no proof and the guys been deported once. Pretty easy to sit over in RI and judge me.

    Yes you can do your part by not associating with them and NOT doing business with him. That’s the key, don’t do business with these men. They will be forced to leave.

    So what have you done about men that beat their wives or girlfriends?

  27. says

    I’ve had three significant others in my life. All three of them had strong similarities. There are cues that we pick up about those we are attracted to that we are not aware of. That’s why women often end up with several guys that beat them. They too need help but in the PI how realistic is that. Mental therapy in the Philippines? I’m sure there is some but its certainly a lot different than in the US and more less common.

    I know of a girl that when asked why she stays with her abuser she said “He is generous.” Man is she hot too! They split up and then they get back together.

    Yes, what a woman picks in a man almost always comes from things she picked up in her infancy to five years from her father.

    I hope you’re not saying she likes it. She doesn’t. She might however love him.

  28. says

    Bill, your right, 90 out of a hundred will not even try to change and probably only 1 out of a hundred can change. Maybe its not that bad, I’ve seen paedophile get help these men could too but most wont try.

    I guess we could take the vigilante route and though I know its wrong, it doesn’t bother me when that happens. Its risky though, we don’t know the whole story. We see a woman in a hospital or her face bruised that’s really strong evidence. Still we don’t know all the facts. It does appear that the Filipino way for many is to just handle it within the family. They can stop if it gets out of the closet. A lot of families would only do that in extreme cases, if at all.

    Women often like confident men. Now I find the men that do this to lack confidence and to make up it they often come across in a threatening manly way. But its all a defense mechanism, so they will not be challenged in the first place.

    A guy that is so obsessed with his low confidence level that he constantly tries to hide this low self-esteem in this manner does not want to be exposed for the weakling and coward he is. But this same personality comes across as very confident and some women I think pick up on that and don’t realize what comes along with it until its too late and they are in love.

  29. says

    I think it makes them feel in control. Rape and assault on women is usually about control. When the guy is loosing control is when others are in the most danger.

    Or let the inmates turn them into a woman. Forced gay for the stay.

  30. says

    I don’t know exactly what the law is but they are not officially different for foreigners except there are some immigration laws that could be applied on us as well. It is a violation of immigration laws to even raise your voice to a Filipino or anything other kind of disrespect.

    Families often do handle “family matters” in the Philippines. Not uncommon at all. Not common enough for me to know personally someone it has happened to. I did hear from the grapevine about one such case. The official story was that he died of a heart attack in his jail cell. I don’t believe he was ever alive when he went into that cell. I have no proof, but I think the police helped them cover it up.

    Prison sentences in the Philippines tend to be long.

  31. says

    Joe,

    Wow! There’s no excuse to hit a woman that is not attempting to do you serious harm with a knife or a gun or a weapon. Maybe if she’s a kick boxer it would be okay to defend yourself but that’s the rule in this, it needs to be self defense from something brutal.

    I’ve been hit by a woman and it doesn’t hurt. Nothing she could say can justify my hitting her. When my first wife pounded on my face, it didn’t hurt. in fact, I barely lifted my legs (she was sitting in my lap) and her 110 pounds went flying, two or three feet and she landed on her butt.

    She was probably trying to start something as thee first thing that came out of her mouth was “I’m going to call the police.” I told her “Go ahead.” I don’t think that would have gone badly for me.

    That event drilled home to me that a man has no excuse ever to hit a woman. She can’t hurt me and we are so much stronger that something as minor as my quickly raising the heels off my feet sent her flying. My toes never left the floor.

    So Joe, I hope you’re wife would be unable to provoke you. From you’re avatar, you look like a really strong guy. I hope words wouldn’t be enough.

  32. says

    It is more common for a man to beat his woman than for someone to run this scam.

    Most of the scams you hear about in the Philippines are untrue. Do they happen, yes, they do. Most of the time though, someone is making up the story as if it happened to someone they know. I’ve seen the same stories being told on the web but the names change or the teller is different.

    For the first six months I lived here, I was on constant lookout for some kind of scam. Most Filipino are very good, honest, hard working people (if they can get work) and they are not going to scam you.

    Last month a guy was telling me a story of a scam. I asked him how have the Filipino treated you, has anyone tried to scam you? He’s been here the same amount of time as I have. He said Filipino have been very good to him. I think told him how I had heard that same story many times, sometimes word for word on the web. It happens but its not a common thing.

    I just realized something. We people have a very strong urge to have this us against them mentality. It was probably important during our evolutionary journey. Like tribes. Filipino have misconceptions about kano and kano have misconception about Filipino. We seem to be naturally concerned when interacting with people that look different from ourselves or speak differently. Bound to be sociologist studying such things. :)

    Don’t believe all the stories you hear. Don’t dismiss them either just don’t let others make you believe it happens all the time. It doesn’t.

  33. Neal in RI says

    Rusty
    It is easy for me to sit here in RI and COMMENT on a topic that you wrote about. If you feel I am judging you I really cannot help you on that.

    What have I done? I did my part and defended my neighbor when she was being slapped around by her drunken husband as my wife called the police. I did take a few whacks and got a bit bruised up, not to mention having my vehicle vandalized twice over a 3 month period since then. She ended up geting a restraining order then a Divorce which led to the house being sold and new neighbors moving in.

    It would have been easier just to “Not Associate” with him. But it may have been harder to Look in the mirror.

  34. says

    You judged and that is abundantly obvious.

    What makes you think I saw what you did… You’re in the US and I’m in a different land and culture from you. It is wise for expats t lay low if they wish to stay here. Getting in a fight could get you deported. I don’t know what I’d do if it happened right in front of me.

    I do know that police officers in the US would tell you to stay out of it because many times if you were to interfere the woman will jump on you too.

    If I did get in it, it could kill me. You know nothing about me but if you need to feel you’re better than me, I’ll just agree with you and have that testerone battle over. Feel better?

    I went much further than turning a blind eye. This guy is here with no income. He must make money and people know what he is doing but they bend over backwards to work with him. If you want to beat the crap out of him, go for it but there are more ways to prevent such activity than using my fist.

    Effective ways of dealing with it. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I must be in a bad mood or perhaps you put me in one but I’m having to try very hard to remain civil with you.

  35. says

    Erik, there are girls that will promise you anything to come to the states and leave you as soon as they legally can.

    I doubt your friend gave you the entire story but the fact is he put a bruise on her, he admitted to that and that’s all it takes in most states. These days, in most states, if police get a call to a domestic violence scene and someone has a bruise on them, someone is going to jail. And if he got convicted for anything like assault then he did it. There is no excuse for hitting a woman.

    I don’t think I disputed that a woman might have told her something like that but there are things in Joe’s message that I personally find disturbing. I remember when I was controlling or tried to be but after years of beating my head into the wall, I learned that if I have to control her, then I don’t want her. If she’s not giving me her yes freely, then she’s not giving it to me at all. I’d rather move on and find someone else then waste a moment of my time with someone that I have to force to do anything.

    I wouldn’t dream of telling my significant other who she could associate with and there’s nothing she could do short of threatening my life and that threat would have to be immediate, for me to take action against a woman. Period. I know, I’ve been there. I can’t be provoked into doing it. I’ve been provoked into wanting too but that’s where my brain kicks in. Men don’t hit women and if they do they get what they deserve.

    I had a girl ask me to marry her 15 minutes after I met her online, not the crazy woman and her current boyfriend stalk me. I never for a minute considered her to be a serious candidate. It was clear what she wanted. She wanted the fiancee visa, she told me that. Yes there are scammers out there, but I’ve not run into a single one of them that were not easy to spot and avoid. Some how I ended up in the same city as that girl. Small town Northern Cebu. I think she’s gone now, I sure hope so. :)

    Erik, the scams are not as common as most expats make them out to be. The people that actually live here mostly agree with me on this. I’ve only been here for 18 months but ask Bob, he’s got about nine years under his belt now. Filipino are good people. Sometimes they are desperate to improve their meager existence though and that must be kept in mind when trying to make a love connection here. I wouldn’t say that most of the girls online are being honest, most are not! But I do know people that have made rewarding love connections online, including myself.

  36. says

    Wow Brain, I could never call him a nice guy. I really am not interested in hacking you off but I don’t see how you could condone this kind of thing. They can’t just say there was abuse, the guy has to give them evidence that they were in danger. I’ve been there too. I think most girls could wait the two years to leave and many would do just that. This story saddens me.

    I’m amazed at the guys here defending and even promoting the idea of abusing their spouses.

    Online love is always a risky thing, going international is even worse. I knew my girl as a friend for a year before it became something else and then it took me another year and a half to get here.

    The guys needs to slow down. And if something doesn’t make sense along the way, then its not true and one most move on no matter how badly they want it or her. The net is full of intentionally fake people and people just kidding themselves.

    I know a guy that came her just this week, met his girl in person and things are going very well. I have another friend from the states that came over last week. I’m getting worried about him. I haven’t heard from him. I hope things haven’t gone badly for him.

    I don’t care what the girl has done holding her by the throat and holding a gun up to her head and threatening her life is about as bad as abuse gets.

  37. says

    Yeah the gangsters in Memphis, Tn. like to target Mexican’s because they are afraid to go to the authorities, even if they are legal. I don’t see a lot of difference between the two situations.

    Sorry, I have to call it like I see it.

  38. Neal in RI says

    Rusty
    My comments are a reflection of what I felt in regards to your statement on this abuse topic. If you dont like my comments and or suggestions fine, but dont feel judged as it is not my intent.

    Testosterone battle, not hardly. Just 2 different Guys that deal with things we see that we dislike in 2 different ways.

    Remain civil and adjust your mood accordingly, you are living in Paradise and this is hardly worth getting worked up over..

  39. Spencer says

    I think the cell wall treatment for a wife/girlfriend beater is probably most appropriate, actually. Of course, I would imagine there are hundreds of other punishments that could be meted out, but so that this so-called man (coward) doesn’t add his to the gene pool, I really can’t get too upset about this. Good riddance !

  40. says

    I think the guy was dead before he ever got to the cell but that’s pure speculation with only the grape vine suggesting it to be true. Aa group of Filipino did have a “talk” with im. That didn’t seem to make it to the press though.

  41. says

    Having a sister is probably helpful in shaping the idea that men don’t hit women. I know my sister gave me lots of reason to hit her. LOL When I was seven I did and always got into trouble, even when she hit me first. :)

  42. says

    I call them cowards that roar. Most of the time, these guys are obsessed with how other see them. Most of us care too much about that.

    Its true though, the women are often attracted to that type of man, not for that reason but the air of confidence they usually give off. Its a facade butt they don’t know that.

    I understand the insert name and while I wouldn’t shed a tear for the guy it is better to handle it legally if the authorities will handle it. When a woman keeps showing up with bruises on her, the family needs and will take action. Many times they just scare him out of town.

    I know of someone that was run out of Bogo for such. He eventually got run out of the country for unrelated reasons.

  43. says

    I had a friend for many years, he’s in the states, he was a racist. I hated that about him and sometimes I told him. The guy is a genius. He does binary math in his head. Writes software in assembly language very impressive. Then I hear some of the garbage that comes out of his mouth toward Afro-American and you wonder how he can be so smart and say such stupid things. We are still friends.

    It would be a no-brainer for me to draw a line in this sand on this. Why did she want to leave him in the first place? Doesn’t sound like he was being good to her. Of course, the woman could have been completely nuts too.

    I think there’s a side to this guy you don’t know about. He kept his gun to the head story to himself for 10 years, I’d be surprised if there were not some more abusive storied he kept to himself, I would be very surprised.

    Things, even 2 million things don’t matter. Only people and God matters. I’m going to build a home in the Philippines. I can’t own it. Things could go bad in my relationship with Jessie. If they do, I’ll just start over. No big deal, I left nearly all my things in the states when I came here. They don’t matter. Life is good and I will make it good no what is thrown at me. Already had a lot thrown at me, life does that. You deal with it, hopefully better than I use too.

    There is no acceptable excuse to grab a woman by the throat and threaten to kill her. If my first wife doesn’t deserve it, no one does. Heck she does deserve it, she’s evil but I still didn’t and wouldn’t cross that line. Though I will admit, the idea did occur to me. I wish it had been only money she took from me.

  44. says

    If you’re personality is as pleasant as your appearance you’ll be a great catch for some lucky man, unless you’ve already been caught. :)

    Online is risky, that risk goes up a lot if you move too fast. You can learn a lot about someone online but they can also hide a lot. I wouldn’t shut out the idea of running into someone online but I wasn’t looking for it when I met Jessie. Looking for it, especially for man, is a risky thing. Men go stupid when it comes to the love of a pretty girl. :)

    I am a bit shocked by the guys supporting the idea it is okay to batter someone that wont do what they want them to do. And no matter how they try to sugar coat it, that’s exactly what is happening.

    Expats like to talk about how so many Filipina are trying to scam them, some of the replies on this thread indicate that women are far more at risk online then men are.

    Men should be leery, I’ve met quite a few Filipina online that ask me for money shortly after we started talking. Often in the first five minutes. That is, of course, crazy. In both cases, people need to spend some REAL time together before they get married!

  45. says

    Women often say it favors the man. :)

    If he didn’t get convicted then she couldn’t have divorced him before the two years were up. That’s where this conversation started. Since you implied she was doing the same thing, I thought there must have been a conviction. Sounds like he over reacted. Still not letting him off the hook. He new the situation when he married her, that is what it could result in. He used intimidation and manipulation to get what he wanted. I will not condone that but if you’ve known him for a long time, I understand you sticking with him. The situation I was talking about is grossly different from that. I don’t want to talk about that situation too much, he’s not worth my time.

    I’ll just say that people knows this is going on, don’t like the guy, but hang around him as so many people look up to him. They are enabling him and it needs to stop.

    Thanks, they are hand made in the Philippines. That girl in your pic looks hot. : LOL :) Hope that’s a compliment, its meant to be.

  46. Jason Dance says

    It often happens, but these matters are more likely to be fixed within the family itself. Filipinos are very conservative (at times not..), so going to the police is rather the last thing on the list than first!

  47. says

    Common? How do you know that?

    Does it happen a lot? I don’t know but probably. Probably not as much as you think. Cheating seems to be common, maybe even expected. But, that’s something I hear rather than have a lot of personal knowledge about. I know about my girl friend friends having problems with their husbands. I don’t know of any cases where a man takes their hand to a woman. There are many different kinds of abuse. SOme of it engrained into the culture. The family here puts a lot of pressure on a Filipina.

    Now there are close to 100 million Filipino in the Philippines and only 500,000 foreigners so I’m sure that there is far more Filipino beating their wives than foreigners but the percentage of foreigner abuse on Filipina is likely to be higher.

    BUT, none of that matters. This article isn’t about what the Filipino do, its about what foreigners do. If every single Filipino beats his wife, then it is still wrong for a single Kano to do so. It is also wrong for Filipino to do so. I did just write an article on another site about the treatment of Filipino men toward their wives. Check it out here: Living In The Philippines

    Filipino do not want we foreigners to tell them how to live. They are quite capable of handing these things themselves. We stand out here because we are the ones that are different. Foreigners acting badly affect every one of us. It reflects on the rest of us, that’s just human nature.

  48. says

    These matters are usually taken to the Barangay Captain. I know a Filipina that called the police and they told her to see her Barangay Captain first.

    You’re correct about the family. They often will apply pressure first, they have their ways to do so. When that doesn’t work, they may apply their fist or bats.

  49. says

    There Erik, you hit the nail on the head.

    A woman with babies or over the age of 25 will be hard pressed to find work. Most never can.

    When I first came here and saw the help wanted ads asking for a woman or a man below a certain age, that was an eye opener. One cannot do that in the US. That is instant law suit. This economic entrapment adds to the desperation of many Filipina and the ability to hire people without babies or under a certain age is not something Westerners are going to understand. I’ve heard from Westerners, “She can get a job.” No, they can’t. And if they did, what would they do with their children, they are trapped.

    This is also why a Filipina will often love you if you treat them well and provide for you but the love is real and very rewarding.

  50. says

    I don’t think you need to be disturbed, at least not in the sense that something like this will happen to you. I agree the degree in which some are supporting this kind of abuse is quite disturbing. Really people have brought out just how bad of a problem this is. Made for interesting conversation I must say. I expected 50 comments of people agreeing with me. Sure didn’t get that!

    Barangay Captain is the most likely outcome. The brothers may be beating their wives.

    Expats often take the rare case and make it sound as if it is a common thing. It is not a common thing. Most of the time nothing happens to these men. I do think the family is less likely to put up with it from a Kano. Also, I suspect how harsh the beating is matters. I don’t think it should but before the family will take extreme action to stop it, its got to reach a level beyond which is felt to be acceptable in the society. What is acceptable to me is zero but that may not be the norm in the Philippines. There may also be a difference between what it legally acceptable and what is socially acceptable within the Filipino Culture. I’m not saying its okay, I’m saying it may be this way.

    Westerners are held to a higher standard and I think we should be. Its not our country. When foreigners come in and act badly it puts the rest of us in jeopardy. The government could make it harder at any time for us to be here!

    I appreciate and share many of your thoughts!

  51. says

    my wifes sister received a terrible beating from her boyfriend about ten years ago and my father in law gave the boyfriend such a beating they had to pull him off he almost killed the the boyfriend ,no cops got involved nothing ,but my sister in law went to the hospital for medical and mental treatment was messed up for a while!there was a report filed and the case was published in the newspaper ,and the boyfriends name was mentioned. and he was a real estate broker he lost a lot of clients and revenue and worst thing for a pinoy he lost face among his friends and co workers!

  52. says

    I’d have a hard time with someone beating my little girl. Good for him.

    Glad she wasn’t married, hope she ended that one, she probably had no choice after dad got a hold of him.

  53. says

    HAHA, that’s a Filipina, crazy insane jealous. Well they are known for that but there are exceptions. I’ve never had one get mad at me for saying that, they just laugh and say yes I am.

    Yeah, she’s going to need a lot of reassurance. She probably keeps you on a pretty short leash too I bet. :)

  54. says

    Yeah, the Philippines has recently gained access to an Interpol computer system that helps them identify wanted people that try to enter the Philippines. Quite a few wanted people have been busted at immigration lately.

  55. says

    I don’t think I get hysterical about anything.

    It is a serious issue an will affect all expats.

    I think you’re wrong, I think that the beating of women probably happens more here and with expats the percentage is probably higher for expats than people living in those living in their homeland.

    Many people, certainly not all, become expats in part because they have poor social skills. Many of us don’t have strong family ties from our home land. In some cases, the reason the don’t have these strong family ties is they acted like a jerk more times than most of us do.

    Drinking and alcoholism, I think is also more accepted here and more frequent, increasing the likelihood of violence.

  56. Peter (smith) Bjarnason says

    I’m sorry I used the word “hysterical”. It was a bit strong, and I’m sure you, and most of the other contributors on this site, never quite reach that level of emotion when writing about one expat related thing or another. However I have to disagree with you on all of your opinions on the other related topics mentioned. No need to go into detail, but one thing must be pointed out to you and your colleages on this site:

    Try as best you can, not to “generalize” when you write an article or post a reply. It takes away from the impact it might otherwise generate. Once again, I will not bother going into detail, but I hope you understand what I refer to in a ‘general’ sense.

    Fact is, no two people are alike, be them expats from the same country or expats living in the same country. If one of you is a drunken wife beater it doesn’t make me one and you can bet your last dollar the average (generally speaking) Filipino(a) knows that as well.

    I’ve lived abroad for the past 29 years (I’m 53) throughout Africa, Asia and the Middle East so I know what I’m talking about with regards to this expat subject. Is a Filipino living and working in the USA considered an expat?? Does he or she consider himself or herself one?? I doubt it. In fact I know it. They do not. They are what they are, nothing more and nothing less. So if we take a leaf out of their book, how about dropping the entire “expat” description of ourselves and just get on with living as we want,where we want, and with whomever we choose. Within local acceptable limits of course. That goes without saying and if one is unaware of where those limits lie and goes beyond them for whatever reason then that person must face the consequences and hopefully learn from his or her mistakes. Lots of room in Muntinlupa for those that like to try breaking the law.

    This is merely one persons opinion and should be treated as such. In other words, try not to be offended by my feelings on this subject(s).
    It is probably just a manifestation of a deep seated desire to bring out the best in people. Also, I apologise for getting back to you so late. I lose myself occasionally if I enjoy too much time away from work and I swear I sometimes begin to act like I’m an expat.

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