I let my hair fall down and talk about men

Because I’ve been  feeling uninspired. A sort of  narcissistic post. Think of it as some kind of intermission from all the great articles from the great writers here.  It pales in comparison but indulge please. Yes?

I haven’t posted much about my favorite topic which is…men. Come on I’m single female and I happen to like the opposite sex.  The lack of being with one is adding to the already uninspired state of mind.

The last time I posted something here about my preference for men, it got me all riled up in an amusing sort of way. Well, I’d like to say it hasn’t change and I prefer foreigners more than locals. But  that’s just me… and a few others, I would assume.  Just to validate feelings and choice, there is nothing wrong with that, right?

Take your choice Sugar
Take your choice Sugar

I can’t seem to find that connection to the kind of man I would like to be with. Since my last relationship ended seven years ago, I am still single brown female. Panic button is on. Can you tell? The quest for that elusive one is still elusive.  Oh my gosh, what happened to the men?  Maybe I’m too picky.  I just wanted someone who speaks their mind. Not too crass not too crude, just the right amount of intellect to comprehend and share some things to me. Is that even hard? I always have a lot of opinion on just about anything under the sun. Foreigners tend to talk a bit more than Filipino men. I like that. I like to exchange ideas and talk about anything even if  it’s as mundane as talking about the best flavor of ice cream.

Also foreigners probably don’t care (or do they?) about appearance. I’m not ugly and heavy  but I’m not  stick super model either. What an ordinary Filipino looks like is what I am. I’m artless.

My last relationship was with an American. But as luck would have it things did not work out and I’m glad it turned out that way. Our  personalities clashed and  problems back home for him pave the way for the relationship to end.  I was relieved because I’m not sure that love really existed. Oh sure, it’s there but on a different level and not in that deeper sense. You know what I mean.  But even if that was the case, I still prefer to be in relationship with foreigner.  Many reasons but major would be I can talk or discuss things without feeling the need to elaborate. They get what I mean.

I don’t have standard and I’m not picky (well, maybe I am just slight, intellect and same religion is important) but where are thou men?!

We all know that it’s mostly men seeking and not the other way around.   Some come here for that specific purpose while other would try their luck going to match making sites or chat rooms. You know typical how I met my wife/ girlfriend move. Mostly though the men looking are looking for the type of Filipina that would complete their life and existence (corny meter up, sorry folks), that would love them (even without cash register dollars). I’d say success rate is good. Cheers to the men who found their eternal bliss of love.

And so what about if it’s women seeking?  I suppose culture dictates that it’s men who seek and not the women. I don’t know. What do you think?

I once tried (online match site) not to seek though but just so to abate curiosity. I don’t shun them but as mentioned, I am kind of slightly somewhat picky. Oh all right maybe I’m  much too picky. No disrespect to the men or women and those who are into finding love match on date sites, but seeing their profiles, it’s a  no, thanks for me.

Filipino men are okay. I prefer foreigner.  I’m not in relationship right now but would like to. Oh wow it’s like I’m wearing huge signboard that says  anybody out there?  I’m so shy aren’t I? Ha ha.

Anyone? Hah! I’m kidding! And now intermission is over. I’ll self destruct in embarrassment! :)

Post Author: Sugar (66 Posts)

A Filipino. Living and working in Manila. Has a soft spot for expats. Always have an opinion about anything and everything.

Live in the Philippines Consulting


  1. germs says

    Hi ms sugar,
    nice to read early morning thoughts to ponder. We have the same opinion and feelings this time. Its good to be picky so that you will not have regret feelings in the future when you found your lovey foreigner. Wish you luck . You really have a long hair to post your message.NICE!

  2. John Leick says

    Ahhh, don’t be embarrassed. You have to get out there; guys don’t just come knocking at your door. If I had not recently fallen in love with an amazing Filipina, I’d be asking for your number!

  3. says

    Hi Sugar,

    It’s always a little scary to put yourself out there. However, the only way you will meet someone is to do just that. I wish you well in your search. Based on what I have seen you write here, you are going to make some guy a very lucky man!

  4. says

    “Take the ribbon from your hair, shake it loose and let it fall” end of quote… :-) Some cultures “dictate” that it’s the guys that do the seeking (chasing), But not all cultures. In western countries it is more normal to see woman seek a man and to be very selective in the choice, to find the perfect partner. A perfect partner does not exists, but it can be close. As a wise man said: “It’s not so much about find the right one, it’s more to be the right one.”
    Anyway, i find it refreshing that you are open and direct in the way you seek, surely it will scare some guys away, but those guys are not meant for you anyway. For me to see it is absolutely needed in a relationship, to debate, to talk, to disagree (and agree) to keep the relation alive and fresh.
    So it is somehow a little strange: Many western guys do find a Filipina, because they are sweet, loving and caring and don’t argue to much (they think) in opposite to many western woman. Filipinas are more introvert and more caring for the peace in the home. In general they do not put them self at first, the peace and the family is more important. At least that’s the picture i see.
    I have talked with other guys married to a Filipina and here comes the strange thing, after a while some of them miss the talk, the debate, the arguing, the disagreements. All the things they didn’t want from a western woman. No one regrets the choice though.

    You prefer foreigners, well nothing wrong in that. All the people in here do the same – that goes for me too. By many reasons i prefer a Filipina instead of western woman, a few reasons are mentioned here, but there’s more to it. We all want someone that love us, but it is a 2 way thing, you have to feel and show love to get it back (there is exceptions).

    In respect – John say that guys don’t come knocking at your door. I do not agree, when you are a woman guys do come knocking, but when you are a man woman do not come knocking. Maybe it was from a male perspective John said that :-) Sure no one knocked at my door, it was me who had to do it – a lot of knocking, so much that my knuckles would bleed. I am happy for door bells now…John is right in that sense that if you do the knocking, you are the one to chose whos door you knock, instead of all those coming knocking at you door – not your choise.
    So Sugar – go knock some doors and if it doesn’t open – kick in the door…

    • sugar says

      Axel – Well, maybe I’ll just peek.. if it’s slight ajar.. not really kick..Gotta be cautious… he he. I’m a typical Filipina I’m same as everyone else. I grew up in the city so I’m probably just a bid bolder. Thanks for your thoughts. :)

  5. Ron says

    Sugar your article was an eye opener for me. Being one of the male species I usually don’t realize what the woman thinks in terms of men. There are so many good men that I know that would appreciate a good woman. Too bad its not easier to bring folks together. I wish you the best with your search. Ron

    • sugar says

      Hi Ron – I think most women just like their men to be loving responsible father and faithful loving husband. Thank you Ron.

  6. Christopher says

    Hi Sugar. I hope you find your dream guy soon but from my personal experience, I seem to find a partner when I’m not looking.

  7. James Watt says

    Hello Sugar.
    I have seen many people in Internet Cafe’s on “looking for friends” type websites.
    The chances are there is little or no control, regarding the type of person who posts their details.

    There may be some ‘reputable’ companies who can use filtering to weed out the undesirables, and non compatibles.
    Obviously there is going to be a membership fee of some sort, but it can save a lot of time and heartache.

    My wife and I have seen many mis-matched couples here in Mindanao.

    Kind regards

  8. gerry says

    Good on you Sugar… interesting read. Nice to see a Filipina saying it as it is :)

    Just enjoy your single life now cos it will end at sometime when the time is right for you :)

    I wish you luck :)

    P.S I would love to know what James above means by “mis-matched couples” ?

  9. says

    I happen to be one of those people who still believes in ‘spark and magic’.. either it’s there or it’s not. If it is.. time and love will grow. If not, well.. good luck with that. Better to just move on in my opinion. Currently a Filipina is stalking me. Not ‘knocking’ politely, but stalking.. as in 30 texts a day to where it’s beginning to grind on my g/f’s nerves any time I mention it. Which is another dichotomy.. because if I didn’t mention it, I’d be in trouble anyway.

    It’s fine to pursue someone, whether male or female. But if either person is not interested, best to look elsewhere. Even if that means going some time without a special someone. My motto is, “It’s better to be alone, than to be with someone and WISH you could be alone.” Keep looking, make opportunities and eventually I believe your right guy and you will cross paths.

  10. gerard says

    hey Sugar babe,

    What do you prefer – white, black or a latino lover? Just remember there is a saying – when you go black, you won’t go back! Can you post your full-size pics and I can maybe hook you up with some dudes here in LA. :)


  11. says

    I actually prefer Caucasian men although I have no experience with Filipino men. I tried the dating websites too but I never got anywhere with them. Finally, a friend set me up on a blind date and now we’re happily married. You never know what fate has in store for you. Good for you for not being shy about stating your opinions.

  12. Phil R. says

    “Sugar n spice and everything nice” , they will say this .. I am sure the right person will find you someday ….don’t worry he is out there waiting,looking … :) ..Phil R.

    • PapaDuck says

      The comments are alot less negative than on your first post on your preference for a foreigner. No worries it will all work out for you. Writing and article on LIP i’m sure will give a better chance to find that special man. So just hang in there, he will appear when you least expect it. Take care and be safe.

  13. mimi_dearest says

    Dear Sugar,
    I kinda know what you feel. But having just broken up last year with a boyfriend (OK, a live-in significant other who I refused to marry 2 or 3 times), I’m really not in the market for another. Just the same, I’d like to give you some advice.

    DO register for one of those dating sites (Match.com, Catholic Match, etc.) I must warn you that you may get as many as 100 hits a day. So, do NOT spend your time responding to each one. Try to go for an immediate one-on-one meeting. Chemistry is very important. Also, American males are very poor communicators. They cannot talk about their feelings and they will NOT understand yours. One can overlook these shortcomings, of course, if one knows how to take care of one’s own feelings and to forgive another’s poor choice of words.

    Let me repeat, SET-UP a meeting as soon as you can (preferably in a crowded place like a MALL for a cup of coffee — not dinner — so you can leave within 10 minutes. Pay for your own coffee and carry it to the table so you don’t have to wait to pay. It is NOT rude to leave the Mall without saying “HI” if you do not like the way he looks.) DO NOT TRUST the pictures. Believe me, if you can’t spend 10 minutes with a man, you won’t be able to spend a lifetime with him.

    I’m not sure what the dating scene is like here in the Philippines because the last time I dated was twelve years ago in Upstate NY. Generally, my education stops a lot of stateside men cold. But since I arrived in the Philippines last year, I am attracting a lot of unsolicited attention from younger Filipinos males. I tell them flat out that I’m 58. It scares some of them away, but unfortunately NOT all. I’m attributing this to the fact that they know I am a single RETIRED OFW and they think I’ll be manageable because I’m petite (OK, short).

    I met my last boyfriend on the net and I would’ve stayed with him forever. He was 10 years older than me and came from a different family background but we were both Catholics (albeit not practising). But he made me laugh and I liked his friends. Unfortunately, he did not believe me when I told him I intended to retire in the Philippines (even though I wrote it down in my Match.com profile). He didn’t believe me even when the 20ft shipping container was rolling down the driveway to my storage unit. And we were together for almost 10 years! My ex-husband did not last much longer than that either.

    So, let me repeat. Just because they speak English, does not mean they’re listening.

    Take care of yourself, girl. And Godbless.

  14. Paul says

    Hi Sugar, do not write of the dating sites. I was lucky enough to meet my wonderful wife on one of them. She came from the village of Padada on Mindanao. I am sure there is no chance I would have met her any other way. We now both live and work in Australia and plan to spend half of each year after our retirement in each country. Paul

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