Men of interest (or why I like foreigners better than local ones)

I really don’t know about other Filipina women but I like foreigners more than the Filipino male species. He he.  Maybe it’s just me. I’m weird. I’ll definitely admit that. Weird in a good way.  I don’t have that kind of spark, or that kind of kick  that ignites passion out  of Filipino men. I find them bland and boring.

I’ve never had any relationship with Filipino men. I’ve gone on few dates. Nothing  serious.  But it’s enough for me to realize why I really will not end up with a Filipino.  I don’t want to anyway. I don’t see myself being with one. They don’t really have the same kind of personality that foreigners have.

I’m so shameless, forgive me. I hope I don’t get flack for this. Ha ha.

Even though my previous relationship ended up in failure (fault not mine, thank you very much!), there are reasons why foreign men are better than Filipino men. In the same manner that there are plenty of reasons why many foreigners prefer Filipino women instead of their own.   Well I hope they’re good reasons and not just because of something else. I mean , what do expats like about Filipino women anyway?

Selection of foreign men

Selection of foreign men

In my case, I like  foreigners. I’m going to focus more on western men.  I used to be involved with one anyway.

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So what makes me think they are better?  It’s  mostly personality issues. Characteristics differ so much from that of Filipino men. I find the foreigners to be more easy going, more conversant, more knowledgeable,  more worldly, more cultured, more adventurous, more daring, more fun, more loving. Just more of everything. Am I so wrong?

A failed relationships with American taught me they are probably bunch of schmucks!   But I still find them much better than Filipino men.  Maybe appealing is more of the term.  And as much as I like them, I’m not going to elevate foreigners into some kind of Mr. Perfect because hell, who is perfect after all. If everything is like that, then I might as well get involve with a robot!

I know that to compare is bad (okay, I’m bad), but I will do so.

 

I like foreigners

I like foreigners

Foreigners are more relaxed, easy going, and conversant. I always like to have that intellectually stimulating conversation. Nothing so scholarly type but I can talk about the arts or politics, even business and just about anything and it still would be one heck of conversation. My ex wasn’t really all that glib (neither am I) but hey, there is flow of conversation. With the Filipino men, what are we supposed to talk about? Basketball?

They share more. They help more. Not my family. I’ve never had to ask for any help concerning money. Even without parents, I  manage to live comfortably with siblings.  What I’m trying to point out, when a foreigner gets involved and marries a Filipina, he is marrying her family too. More often than not, that’s the case. I’m not so sure how Filipino men are when comes to giving and sharing money to  girlfriend’s family or wife’s family. I bet complaints will be heard.  Although I know some foreigners may find it annoying, they at least help out and it’s a nice gesture.  I think that’s why Foreigners are more endearing to most Filipino women.

They are more cultured and worldly. Correct? They know more about other things and of life and living somewhere else. And I like that. Learning from your partner is important. Whether it’s the  little tidbits about the farm in Iowa, or the great depression that plagued the US. The Best wine in Napa Valley, or Paris, France.  What   ‘The Mall’ is. You get what I mean? I get more knowledge and learn a a lot more. With the Filipino men, I’m not sure.

They are are more adventurous, more daring. They are brave when it comes to trying out something new. They take the risk.  Sometimes, you need to do that in order to find out the consequences. Of course, not all foreigners are like that.  Some have calculated moves and plans, but generally, that’s how I see them.  Maybe I am mistaken? Filipino men meanwhile still rely and depend on their mothers for a lot of things. Even if they are well beyond their years. I just think. My brother in law comes to mind. Ha ha.

More fun and more loving.  Are they?  With the right one I’m sure that will be the case. The four years I’ve had with my ex boyfriend was okay.  I don’t have any superlatives to add because it wasn’t really that fun and loving.  Although he was generous and we would always go out and he’d treat  my nieces and nephews,  There were times when it was just like that. I just go through the motions. But mostly it was just ho hum. Then he went back to the US.

So that last one was downer. But even with that, I still find Americans better than their Filipino male counterpart. I wonder if I’m right.  I know I am.  It’s how I feel anyway.

Gosh, too  much of  me, myself and I.  Turned out okay.  He he.  Thanks for indulging.

Post Author: Sugar (66 Posts)

A Filipino. Living and working in Manila. Has a soft spot for expats. Always have an opinion about anything and everything.


Comments

  1. Paul Thompson says

    Sugar;
    I was single and working in Scotland for 6 months back in the 80’s, and a Scottish friend of mine complained that woman were drawn to me, over him, and he couldn’t figure it out. The reason was simple, the girls had seen him or someone like him their entire life, and I was new, different and exciting to them. Plus I was on my best behaviour. I told my friend that if he came to visit me in Florida the roles would be 100% reversed. He would be new, different and exciting to American women. He visited me two years later, and that proved my point.
    That might be the reason you feel the way you do?

    • Chasdv says

      Funny you should say that Paul.
      It reminds me of a time when i was working as a Salesman,we had an American guy working with us,he told me if i moved to the US and kept my Brit accent,it could make me a fortune,lol.

      • Paul Thompson says

        Chas;
        So true, in Puerto Rico my club manager was a cute (not beautiful) British girl from Manchester UK, She was a hit with both the locals (men and woman) and the tourist alike. She had worked in a Pub back home and could handle a bar crowd with grace and humor.

        • Chasdv says

          Paul,i can imagine that.
          I use to know a Pub Landlady,big women,ran a pub in the City nicknamed “The Irish Embassy”,always full of Irish construction workers.Those guys could drink and fight,real hard cases,but if she raised her voice,they became good little boys,Lol.

    • Papa Duck says

      Sugar

      A agree with what Paul said. There’s just something about the Filipina that so attracts me over an American. Honestly i have no interest to ever be involved with an American woman. For most of them it’s just there attitude and alot of them are so materialistic, and not to mention alot of them have tatoo’s, which really makes me disgusted when i see them almost everywhere on there body. So degrading. Filipino women seem more pure, real and are family oriented which is so attractive to me. Good job Sugar, hope you find your man soon.

      • Chasdv says

        Papa Duck,
        I feel the main problem with western women now,is the ME,ME,ME attitude,womens lib gone crazy,lol.

      • Chasdv says

        Papa Duck,
        I feel the main problem with western women now,is the ME,ME,ME attitude,womens lib gone crazy,lol.

      • sugar says

        Hi Papa Duck – Some liberated Filipino women have tattoos but they’re still pure, real and family oriented. Still depends on values they have. But I get you mean. He he. Body is not meant to be black board or a wall of art. There are Filipino women are who are materialistic, but for the most part, we’re more of what you said.. pure, real and family oriented. Thank you Papa duck.

    • sugar says

      Hi Paul -Yes, that’s probably the case. Because they are different. There’s something new and exciting. And more ore than the physical aspect , it’s really just the conversation thing. He he. And foreigners are more open to a lot of things. I guess.

  2. David L Smith says

    Hi Sugar
    Im am a believer that there is good and bad in all races, but i guess its a personal choice so i hope you find your dream foreigner. My wife has 3 sisters married to filipino men, one i know is a bit dodgy as he has raised his hands to her, but the other two are kind loving family men who will do anything for their wife and family. Just be careful dear girl as there are a lot of dodgy foreigners around to.

    • sugar says

      Hi David – the ex bf, when he was mad, once threw a laptop and cell on the wall.. but I wasn’t there. One time a fan. I just sat there. He wasn’t dodgy but one time he tried physically threw me out of the place we lived in. Man, he was like 6’2. But I knew I wasn’t gonna be harmed, he’s just not the type to do that. I wasn’t sad though when he went back to the US. I’m always careful. Thanks David.

  3. brian says

    Sugar,
    You sound like the type “H” personality, someone who likes to step out of their comfort zone and explore. Funny thing is when I was younger I always had a feeling I would not marry and American girl, same type of reason you mentioned only in reverse. I bet when you travel you try your best to avoid the tourists traps and go off on your own.

    • sugar says

      Hi Brian – Thanks. “H” Type? He he. All work no play makes me boring and no time for travel. I wish I could. I like to explore. Funny thing about comfort zone, I still sometimes (most times.. he he) live sheltered life. I avoid traps.

  4. Franco Santos says

    Ahh… to each his own. But soon the novelty of “foreigners” also fades! It’s never good to limit yourselves to just one “type” or race.

  5. Chasdv says

    Hi Sugar,
    I think its a case that some people are not prepared to settle for the norm,and like to broaden their horizons.
    I wasn’t particularly looking for a filipina,just hoping to meet someone on my wave length,it turned out to be a filipina,but it could have been any nationality.

    With respect to all,
    I do feel that some of the better educated filipinas are no longer prepared to put up with the male cheauvanistic attitude of some filipinos,they want to be their own women.
    I know Sheryl shares your thoughts.
    Way back she told me,thank God my parents made many sacrifices so i could get a good education and pursue my own career,or i would have probably been married off in the boondocks at 16,have 7 or 8 kids by now,and working in the fields everyday,lol.
    She is a modern thinking,independent lady.

    Regards,
    Chas.

    • sugar says

      Hi Chaz – Yep, there are still those men who just like their women stuck in the house doing all chores and stuff. Full time mom and housewife is tough too. But of course, no one ones to get stuck inside a house and just be plain wife to to whims of the man of the house. Thank you, Chaz.

  6. JC says

    Hi Sugar, I was married to an american woman for a long time. I felt very trapped in a one sided relationship. The more I did the more she wanted,never thankful for what we had. So it was time to do something about it. I told my self that I would never marrie an american again.I was very lucky to have met and married a filipina.She is the best,…..JC

    • sugar says

      Hi JC – I’ve always wondered about that. Mostly it’s men marrying Filipino women and not the other way. I sometimes would see Filipino men with foreign girlfriends or wives in the malls. They look okay and happy and adjusted. But Anyway, most men Filipino or not would still like Filipino women, right? For so many good reasons and qualities. But it always depends on the person and not really nationality.

  7. Jade says

    Hi Sugar;
    You have opened your heart to all of us on the forum. So open and so unguarded.
    I feel in this instance that I will open my heart also.
    I never looked for a girl that I could discuss politics with or to have high level intellectual discussions.
    Why, you might ask…
    My mother was a high level executive secratary, while my father was a scandinavian window washer – think the stereotype: Mr Sviggins from the Carol Burnett Show – he was a wonderful man who had been orphaned at an early age (as had my mother been), he immigrated to the US at age 18 and had assimilated himself rapidly, but he was always a Swedish immigrant with the unshakable brouge, I have it also, and am proud of it. Dad was not quite good enough for mom. She put down his goofy jokes ans crazy foreign humor. He had a “friend” in his 70’s who always laughed at his stupid jokes and made him feel comfortable. He even drove over to her house on his riding lawnmower after he lost his driving license due to macular degeneration, where they shared popcorn, pizza and a TV movie. She was one of his former clients and they became close friends after her husband died.
    I did not want to ever be in such a similar situation and never did pursue women of high status – perceived or otherwise…
    I married a Germain Catholic in the 70’s, not self assuming, at the time, but after 10, 20 years of marriage she became the same as mom. Always putting me down, but I always tried.
    In 2001 she told me to find a girlfriend. I did. I met Daisy, the love of my life in Singapore.
    We hit it off like clockwork, finishing each others sentences and always knowing what each other was going to say.
    Thank you, exwife for your good advice.
    I do not know what Philippino guys like to talk about; cockfights, I donno, at least I do not have to listen to endless football conversations.
    Daisy and I have many other more interesting things to talk about. Never boring, we are interested in what goes on around us, locally as well as worldwide events, we will never solve the world situation, but we are interested and aware.
    Simple mundane everyday conversations are good enough for the both of us. When I say an english word that Daisy doesn’t know, she asks what it means, I tell her and it is hers forever, I wish I was even close to her ability in tagalog.
    I could go on much longer, but this is enough for now.
    Great post, Sugar,
    Jade

    • sugar says

      Hi Jade – For me, I just want to be able to talk to someone on just about anything . Be they mundane or not. You’re mom is interesting. Sometimes a woman has the more stronger personality.. sometimes it’s too much. It comes down to character of the individual. I am much too mundane and less knowledgeable about certain things (though I’m not stupid.. he he.. just sometimes). I am corny too. For me, it’s always just having good conversation be they useless or not. I would never ever put somebody down. I know m place and where I stand.

      I’m glad you and Daisy have a good relationship. Thanks for sharing.

      • Jade says

        Sugar,
        After re-reading my comment I fear that I may have put my mother down. I didn’t mean to do this. My mother and father had a great relationship in the early years. I feel that I was too focused in putting my narrow point across. I respect my mother immensely, her hadrships in her early years would have broken many lesser people. She had a very strong will to survive and she as well as my father did so. She celebrated her 100th birthday last August 18 and I was there in Wisconsin to share her milestone event. She, although teminally ill, was alert and cognisant of the Birthday Party which was attended by over 50 guests. She passed away on November 20, of last year on mom and dad’s 63rd wedding anniversary. Dad has been gone since August 3rd of 1989.
        I am simply not comfortable amidst the controversy that was present in the later years of their marriage, but there was still the love that was there when they first met.
        It seems to me that as I see it from my own mistakes that I made in my first marriage that I am much more careful now with Daisy to never ever cross the line of my own perceived self importance. We are equal in every way, we both have our strengths and weaknesses and will combine them to become complimentary in the best way to each other. We both like to be kinda corny too, ha ha! Dumb jokes and always trying for an opportunity for laughter, that’s our recepie.
        Jade

        • sugar says

          Jade, just enjoy what you have with Daisy. Have fun and love and all that. Too much seriousness causes lines across the face.. Heh.

  8. Lenny says

    The field is limited in both situations.. I am American… but I would not put myself above a Filipino man, as I am sure there are many handsome and good hardworking individuals at hand… It’s a matter of finding the right person, and that can be a chore..After my wife passed away it took me 6 years to find the right compatiable woman, and not in a million years did I think she would live in the Philipphines or I would go to live here…It’s still amazes me… But it’s about 2 people finding each other and the compatibility that they share in all things. Sugar, don’t close the door on the Filipino men here, as modernization had set in here, and you might just miss your soulmate… Thank You for the compliment of American men, however, be very careful there also, as ….I thinking of myself as a “cool dude” can tell you that there are alot …many…A-holes lurking also… People are people, and if you are smart intelligent and of good morals, some one will come along, sometimes you have to go thru 4 5 6 7 who knows untill Mr or Mrs right appears…. There is a class factor in all things some people have lower standards and some have higher and in between,, Just go slow and think clear and good things should come anybodies way….It certainly did for me….One thing I will say though in all sincerity.. I believe… it is much easier to find a good caring loving woman here than in the US….. as modernization have taken away alot of factors from the american woman, but like I said before….. if you look..go slow…. you will find…………….

  9. sugar says

    Hi Lenny – Thanks for that. I just don’t see myself with local. I don’t think I’ll eat my words. However, most men are married. I’m a good one. He he.

  10. Jade says

    Sugar,
    On a slightly different tack… Why you or I or Daisy would not be interested in a local.
    I moved to Florida whe I was 22, at the time I had a casual gf back there, but she wasn’t interested in living anywhere else than in her hometown where everything was familiar and predictable. I had a bit of a wanderlust, of wanting to see what was over the next horizon. When I met Daisy in Singapore in 2001 she was just finishing her contract as a maid, she embraced the excitement of living in Singapore, as did I. She was happy to be finished with her maid contract, and never to do that again. We enjoyed the excitment of the city, going places and doing things neither one of us had experienced before, dancing at Papa Joe’s, watching the movie ‘Serendipity’ which we both thought of as a version of our serendipitous luck of meeting each other, having a glass of wine at the Mandarin Hotel’s revolving restaurant, but not a meal as that was too expensive there, ha ha, what fun. We would love to do it all over again and not change a thing. I think we were feeling a bit adventurous from our own usually rather dull lives.
    I think you feel the same way in not wanting to get trapped in the in the same, same of the everyday. Your wanting to experience the adventure of new horizons. I pray that your dream becomes a reality.
    Jade

    • sugar says

      Thanks Jade, I wouldn’t really consider myself adventurous. The eating of Gnocchi ( Italian food, I think) was adventure. Well, not really. I just I can’t remember the taste. He he. Learning something new be it place or food or whatever, I like that. Thanks again for sharing. Looks like you and Daisy have good thing going there.

  11. dans says

    sugar,

    there seems to be a generalization with your article, I read it twice and for me it appears you are putting down the filipino men or at least you stereotyping it.

    I will just quote you..

    “With the Filipino men, what are we supposed to talk about? Basketball?”

    what makes you think that filipino men will only talk about basketball? you probably with a crowd of men who knows nothing but basketball. do you really believe that filipino men are not intelligent and cannot carry a good conversation?

    I will quote you again..

    “What I’m trying to point out, when a foreigner gets involved and marries a Filipina, he is marrying her family too. More often than not, that’s the case. I’m not so sure how Filipino men are when comes to giving and sharing money to girlfriend’s family or wife’s family. ”

    That statement is totally untrue, although foreigners would extend help to the family you can be sure that most of them would complain about it. – it is just that the western people has a different culture than the filipinos and more often that not, most foreigners are ignorant of “marrying the entire family” concept. is it innate to Filipino both men and women a mutual understanding of helping the partner’s family when in need and if there’s a way to help them, you even don’t need to explain to Filipino men that he is marrying your entire family!

    another quote..

    “They know more about other things and of life and living somewhere else. And I like that. Learning from your partner is important. Whether it’s the little tidbits about the farm in Iowa, or the great depression that plagued the US. The Best wine in Napa Valley, or Paris, France. What ‘The Mall’ is. You get what I mean? I get more knowledge and learn a a lot more. With the Filipino men, I’m not sure.”

    you seemed to be looking for a walking encyclopedia and not a partner, do you really believe that foreigners are more knowledgeable than the Filipinos? do you really think that Filipino will only talk about “the mall” and nothing else? again, it is either you are with the wrong crowd or no filipino men with a good caliber you have ever crossed with.

    expanding your horizon is not limited to foreigners only, if you really want to expand your view, you don’t need to find a foreigner who tasted the best wine in Beaujolais France, btw they don’t make wine in paris, they only sell them! ;-) you can learn from filipino men things you would not learn from the foreigner and vice versa –

    the question is.. how many good, adventurous, knowledgeable, cultured, fun, easy going and conversant filipino men would be looking for a kind of person like you?

    for me, your article is like a clip of job posting where a small print says. “filipino men do not need apply”.

    • sugar says

      Hi Dan – I’m not putting Filipino men , or anyone down and stereotyping anybody. I did say I hope I don’t get flack for this :)

      Thing sentence about Filipino men talking about basketball, it’s just to make point. I’ve known and met Filipino men who are smart, witty, intellectual, kind, and all the and other things I’ve mentioned, they’re married. I like men. I like foreigners and prefer them. The article is just that. Not putting putting foreigners on a pedestal and putting Filipino men down. If it came across like that.. then I suck. Thanks Dan

      PS: About “The Mall”, I’m referring to the one in DC. I don’t think Filipino men will talk about that (unless they’ve been there), maybe talk about Basketball? He he ;)

      • dans says

        sugar,

        I’m sorry for not understanding your “the mall” thing as it was at the end of a sentence after a full stop. why would you expect filipino men to talk about something that is miles and miles away? is that your yardstick whether filipino men are smart enough for you? would you be expecting a westerner talking about the “the Taal”?? of course not, your basketball thing is a bad way to make a point too, it is like saying “all fingers are thumb”

        • sugar says

          Dan, So what would a Filipino men and I talk about? He he. There’s no yardstick of smartness. Point is, I just like foreigners and the reason why I like them. That’s it. And no I don’t expect them to talk about Taal. If they do, great! If not I’ll tell them about it, if they ask. Again, don’t mean to putting down Filipino men down.

          • dans says

            sugar,

            would i qualify to your liking if i were to tell you we can talk about anything? from the ancient civilization cuneiform writing all the way to how a switch gene operate? or how I skydive? you said, there’s no yardstick of smartness and yet you enumerate each one of it, if you like foreigner a lot, there’s no need to point out or say what you don’t like with Filipino men and what Filipino men is like the way you describe it in a general way, a simple statement like “i find foreigner more attractive regardless of their intelligence” is more realistic than to enumerate their “ideal” qualities for you and compare it to Filipino men, you described foreigners as if they all posses the things you mentioned, for a moment think about this, there are nearly 12 million ofw, large number of it are males who are exposed to different cultures, adventure, knowledge etc..etc.. I for one have seen the world and I met many filipino who have seen the world more than I did, so now, you don’t expect foreigner to talk about the “the taal” and you are fine with it while a Filipino men who cannot talk about “the mall” isn’t passable to you? – logic really escapes me. :)

            • sugar says

              I don’t find some foreigners attractive (sorry folks ) that’s why I didn’t mention looks or any physical aspect. It’s what inside and up there that counts. I said in the article comparing is bad, but that I will do so. May be I shouldn’t have. However, I also said, I’m not going to elevate them. Like put them on a high pedestal because, they aren’t perfect. I don’t like local men. I like foreigners. The same way that foreigners probably don’t like their local counterpart for reasons of their own they can enumerate. I also mentioned that. That’s it. Logic is just that. Very clear.

              • dans says

                i am just wondering what would be your take on this, supposed there’s man who has a good level of intelligence could talk about almost anything or possess all the characteristics you just mentioned plus he is a successful good looking man, however he is black and from nigeria, would he be acceptable to you?

                you actually reminds me of my lady friend (she’s in the u.s now), she won’t settle for any nationality but american, an irish engineer who works for BAe courted her and she turned him down, a fil-am doctor also courted her and turned him down too, a guy from texas who is 8 years older than her didn’t take that long for him to have her. – I was like?? wth?

            • Papa Duck says

              Dans

              The bottom line is she favors foreigners, no offense to you. There are alot of good filipino men, but she just favors foreigners. We all have our own preferences. So you just have to get over it. Also your lady friend having preference for americans. It also shows you money has no bearing in who she prefers. Have a good day.

              • dans says

                papa duck,

                I don’t mind even if she prefers a monkey over a filipino men, all i am saying is, she can tell us whatever preferences she wants as long as she will not compare it with a Filipino and looked down on them and generalize every Filipino men as not as good as the foreigner, now i begin to wonder again, is the “foreigner” any kind of foreigners from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe except philippines? or is there another preference of origin, race and color of skin? ;-)

  12. says

    Hi, Sugar.

    I am glad you know what you want. When I was growing up in Philippines. I’ve always looked up the Westerners and am wanting to marry a blonde. I’ve married a Filipina by the way but didn’t survive more than 7 years. I’m in a relationship with another Filipina too. Yes, I’ve dated my younger ideal woman. But didn’t settle with them.

    Foreigners more relaxed, easy going and conversant? I disagree with you there. I find Filipino’s in general are more relaxed. Too relaxed for my liking that nothing gets done. I’ve met both sides and we are all people. It’s all about where you at.

    They share & help more? Not necessarilly, I’ve met a lot of people who don’t. It’s more to do with culture than anything though. I’ve lived most of my life here now. The more I stay here, the more I see the Westerners opening up as opposed to before, because they now have better understanding of other cultures. Bottom line? I find no basis why one culture would share more. Again, it’s the environment…

    They are more cultured and wordly? Oh gosh. Where do I start? Each culture has their own uniqueness. There are a lot of things that I like about Filipinos and hate as well and likewise same with every other race! From your writing it is clear you dont’ like the culture you live in. Perhaps it’s time to ship out of there.

    More adventourus and daring than Filipino? Most of my filipino friends have gone around the world—not literrally, but have travelled in more countries than I can think of, have businesses, changed jobs where my hands and feets can’t handle… sky diving anyone?

    I haven’t done much of what I wrote above because, my lifee turned the otherway where money is more important so I can survive.. No, Westerners are not more adventurous and more daring… they’re just like you and me… who will have some fun when they can as they get exposed to what is out there to have fun with and have adventure with

    More fun and more loving? Us here have a very high percentage of divorce… like Filipinos there’s a lot here who are physically abusive towards their partners….

    What I am saying, Sugar is this… the older I become and see the world more. The more I realize there’s not much difference in all of us. Yes we have different traditions, cultures and traits… place each one of those in the enviornment they’re supposed to be and it will remain normal. Place them out of the box and they will stand out.. good or bad..

    A perfect example would be, we are all under the impression the Philippines are all friendly people, smiling etc.. You know what? when I went home last, I hated the customer service there. It’s non-existant.

    • sugar says

      Hi JC – Yep, I know what I want. Just based from my experience, foreigners are more relax, easy going and conversant. They’re lax but still does a lot. They help more, based from experience and knowing some who really does help. And just because I said foreigners are more cultured and worldly (the one’s I know) doesn’t mean I don’t like my culture and I should ‘shipped out’. Based from my writing, I just like them. ^_^

      About customer service here, I hate it too. Try calling pldt. He he.

  13. KeithF says

    Hi Sugar,
    Interesting article. I was married to my first wife for 15 years until her untimely death. I dated a bit after that and found most American women too materialistic and more or less self centered. I met my asawa online. We have now been married almost 5 years and have 2 handsome boys together. What attracted me most to pilipino women was the core values they still have compared to western women. My wife, and her entire group of friends here in the states, are very family oriented. They all concern themselves with their husbands and family first. My wife does work outside the home now as well, but I know without question, the home and family will always be taken care of and on her mind. Being a long haul truck driver, I go on the road for 7-9 days at a time. While I am gone I know the kids and the home are in good hands. The one thing that gets to me is the fact that even being married and having a joint bank account, she will not use the money for anything, including necessities, until she calls and asks me. Keep trying to tell her to use it for whatever she needs, but she never does. lol

    • sugar says

      Hi Keith – Thanks. Family values, moral values, they are integral part of being Filipino. You’re lucky to have met you’re wife with such values. Decency, and good upbringing, will be passed on to your children and those same values will still be intact. Thank you for sharing.

  14. Roselyn says

    Hi Sugar: I admire your independent spirit in knowing what you want in life. I believe that your choice of having an expat, as the significant other person in life, is that you have the need to nurture oneself. Keep on living.

    • sugar says

      Hi Roselyn -Well, I know what I want, what I like and what I prefer. I hope it’s not bad. I understand what you mean.. but not exactly.. I have the need to nurture oneself?

      You know that quote, ‘I took it upon myself to look after myself’, well, I’m kind of like that for years now. He he.

      • Roselyn says

        Hi Sugar: What I mean by “nurturing oneself” is allowing one to grow spiritually that translates to the individual’s good health, mentally and physically. I believe that you are there now – as you are looking after yourself and not dependent on others. Needing the validation of others can translate into stress which oftentimes lead to depression.

        • Roselyn says

          Hi Sugar: On the light side of the conversation, I didn’t see my type of the ideal expat man in the pictues. My ideal man is a combination of Steve Reeves (Superman), Fernando Poe Jr. (in his youth), and Leonard Nimoy (Star Trek). Ha, ha, just kidding around. Have a great day!

  15. Joseph Inapi says

    Sugar: You’re entitled to your opinion, and so am I: I consider your article to be an affront to all Filipino men.

    • sugar says

      Hi Joseph -I have nothing against Filipino men. They are hardworking loving people who would scrifice and would do anything for their family to be able to provide for their needs and future. I respect Filipino men. The article was not meant to insult their intelligence, their character, their ability, the race, the color, the work, their values, how they are as man, a husband, a father, a brother, son. I have the highest respect for men. Filipino men, any men, anyone who would put their love ones above more than themselves. Again, I’ll repeat. I respect Filipino men! I have no intention to demean, degrade, to offend, to paint all the local hard working Filipino men how know nothing at all.

      The article is based from what I feel and like and and also from experience. The bottom line is I just prefer somebody else who happens to be not Filipino men.

  16. Big Don says

    Mabuhay Sugar…I am glad you know what you want.I also know what I want,and what I want is a Filipina.I spent 20 years trying to please an American woman,and even after I found out it was impossible,I still kept trying.Now,I just want to be happy and live the rest of my life with a Filipina.I came to Manila as a volunteer with “operation smile’ to help build the dental clinic there and I soon learned how different average Filipinas are from average American women.They are as different as a Tilapia is from a Goat. Trust me young lady…I am coming to live in Phils and I will be there until they bury me there.Thank GOD for the Philippines and opening my eyes…

    • Peter shaw says

      Hi Big Don…I caught your response to Sugar and saw that you worked for Operation Smile in Manila. I did the same in Cebu City after I retired. Consequently, I became enamored of the country and its people. I have returned each year for the past six years and continue to be fascinated as I learn and experience the cultural aspects of the land.

      I would like to compare experiences with you if you are so inclined.

      Thanks to Sugar for initiating interesting points of view.

  17. Liz says

    Hi Sugar,

    I admire you speaking out your preference in men…..but I must say I disagree with the things you enumerated as your basis for preferring foreign men…….Its your choice, but pls keep in mind that there are many different types of people regardless of race. There are many foreigners who beat their wives, who bum around just like our typical ”tambays” in the Phils. Its nice to meet people from other places, and its easy to get the impression that they have been to the world but the fact is they are curious about the world outside theirs too just like you…….
    I am not saying you change your preferred race about men but pls do consider changing your basis as to why you choose foreign men over our kabayans. Because it could be dangerous for you to fall for a foreign man thinking that he is the kind of man you enumerated above and find out late that he is no different than the typical ”tambay” kind of men, hiding under pale skin, blonde hair and blue eyes.
    One thing I would like to point out, and it seems that many of our kabayans have this delusion that foreign men are ”galante” and dont mind helping the girl’s family. Of course there is nothing wrong with ”helping” the girls family, within reason of course. And its because they can. What little amount to them is already big enough to help some ”emergencies” that usually occur in a typical Filipino household. But you may not be aware of this, many foreigners do not understand ”helping” nanay and tatay or ate or kuya. Some even complain and whine about it and start to tell people that they were made as walking ATM by their Pinay gf and her family. I hope that a foreign guy’s willingness or NOT to ”help” doesnt make him a good or bad foreigner in your perspective.

    • sugar says

      Hi Liz – Thanks. And well, it’s okay to disagree. if every else just agrees, it would be boring. No exchange of ideas and all that. Nothing to be learned. Growing up, I live sheltered life but I’ve also experienced, the world inside and outside the country..though usually just vacation.. We’re not rich by any means, but my Mama made sure we get to experience life and other stuff.

      I don’t have such high standards.. just someone who can hold a conversation. I don’t regard all foreigners like their the most brilliant piece of mankind. But I like them. I don’t think that is bad. Thanks for comments.

      • says

        Sugar,Liz & all. This is an interesting subject. It seems that subjective & anecdotal based reasoning seldom offers definitive conclusions reasonable people can agree on. Having said that,I would like to make a very general statement. I have many Pinoy friends & I in no way wish to offend them. First of all,I have noticed Pinoys can make outstanding fathers. Back to my statement. During my first lengthy visit to the Philippines,I returned to the U.S. with the following impression/opinion IE: The Pinay has everything an American man wants. The Pinoy has nothing an American Woman wants. Now,for those of you ready to pounce on me for telling the truth in general,please understand,that conclusion/opinion is based on cultural & ethnic realities & has less to do with individual character. If my comment seemed offensive or argumentative,please remember if it was not true,You wouldn’t see Kanos marrying Pinays by the thousands. If it were not true,you would see AirPlanes full of lonely American woman headed for the Philippines. There are millions of lonely American woman.Why are they staying home,while the men are heading to the Philippines for love/romance & marriage. Sugar might just have part of the answer from the Pinay side. Sugar’s honesty stands out here (whether you agree or disagree).

    • Peter shaw says

      Hi Liz….I really enjoyed reading your response to Sugar. I consider your observations to be “spot on” without being caustic or defensive. Your articulate and clear writing style was a was refreshing and impressive….thanks.

      Peter

  18. peterjoy says

    Hi Sugar,

    A good posting mate and yes like u i will never ever get married to a australaian girl and in my own mind it had to be a filipina why i dont know part from thay make a man happy and now how to look after a man better then most so god bless filipina girl tha are the best….peter martin tassie

      • Peter Shaw says

        Sugar….I have spent a good deal of time traveling between the U.S. and the Philippines.
        I have lived in the provinces, the barangays and the city ( Cebu ). I find the provinces more appealing and generally showing more the truer nature and intrinsic sweetness of the filipino people in their day to day living circumstances.

        I am seeking a Filipina woman to enjoy the rest of my years with in that I have appreciated and admired their devotion to family, their loving nuturing of children and their natural affection and respect for a decent man.

        That is not to say that I have not experienced very clever and manipulating Filipinas! Their natural beauty and youthful appearance often belies calculating purposes in attracting foreigner.

        I am reversing the conversation in that I am seeking your advice in finding and choosing a Filipina who is sincere, honest and respectful of a true commitment of lasting love.

        Could you, from a Filipina perspective, offer some hints as to what a man might look for in the character and behavior of the Filipina that might show sincerity and honesty or a lack of it.

        Thanks for any suggestions.

        Peter

        • Biz Doc says

          hi peter,

          pending sugar’s reply, may i, as a resident pinoy, make a recommendation?

          see if you can join civic organizations in the city where you think you’d fit best, in terms of lifestyle and livelihood. social relationships are the threads that bind pinoy society, and once people get to know you better and vice versa, you’ll get the chance to be introduced to single women who share your outlook and preferences. if you’re catholic, there’s always a parish organization you can join whereby women who make the effort to live their faith serve their local community. good luck & all the best

          cheers,

          • Peter Shaw says

            Biz Doc

            Thanks for your suggestions…I’ve been burned a couple of times and I don’t want to rpeat the experience….I will be returning to Cebu soon and follow your advice…greatly appreciated!

            Peter

  19. jonathan says

    Sugar,

    I was contemplating of commenting on your article since yesterday and I would really like to avoid hurting comments…but….like you, I have an opinion to say. Your comparison sucks and this article is short of being racist and stereotyping of Filipino men. “Sigh”. I don’t like it really. I’m not as articulate as the other commentators but Dans had nailed it. So I agree with most of what he says. Sorry Sugar, but in this article you’re not that sweet. :(

    • kikas_head says

      Ditto.

      This article unfortunately just perpetuates old tired stereotypes. It is just as offensive as the articles that I have seen a thousand times talking about why Filipinas are the best. It kinda bums me out that the same old stereotypes are being spread around.

      I can only hope that it is the people you have run into–I know that since I have moved here, I have had the exact same conversations with people that I do in the US. I do NOT expect people here to know loads about the Great Depression the same way people here give me a pass not being fully versed in the Spanish Occupation.

      It could also be that if all the foreigners you meet are here, then they are likely to be more adventurous being that they have traveled overseas. Less than 30% of Americans have a passport. Perhaps if you were abroad, you would meet more Filipinos that are “…..more cultured and worldly”. Either way, you must be hanging out with the wrong crowd because there are tons of highly educated, well traveled, cosmopolitan people here. You cannot have deep conversations with your coworkers? What about your classmates from college?

      Finally, not to knock people from the flyover states, talking about “little tidbits about the farm in Iowa” is, to me, the antithesis of worldly.

      • sugar says

        Hi kikas_head – I’ve traveled outside the country but only for vacations. I’ve met people of different kinds. the people I hang around with are good people. Professionals. But I can also be with anybody no matter what social class. And for the nth time.. I like foreign men more than local ones. What is so wrong with that?!

    • sugar says

      Hi Jonathan- Short of calling me racist, it’s ok. He he.

      I somehow compared what I felt like from being out with local and then going out and being with a foreigner and living with one. But it came off as me offending and stereotyping Filipino men. What I said in reply to Joseph Inapi’s comment sums up everything.

      Anyway you, can say mean things to me or to my articles if that’s how it feels to you. I’m not articulate too like the others. I write what I feel and what I know and how I’ve deal with foreigners. Having lived with one, work for one, been acquaintance/ friends with them, having an expat manager at work, dealing with them. I mean, I like them more than the locals. Thanks.

      • jonathan says

        Hi Sugar,

        I won’t say mean things to you but the way your article was presented, it was a “downer” for us Filipino men (I read it like 10x before commenting). Hoever, I totally respect your preferences and opinion. Hey, we are living in a democracy and if people would think the same way it would be such a boring place, isn’t it? Keep on posting “controversial” issues so readers like me who lull to sleep in the office would be stirred-up in this boring place called Saudi Arabia. hahaha..

  20. El Moro says

    True Love is Blind… It knows no boundaries, creed or color. I like coffee, black and No Sugar please… That’s a preference and not an opinion…

    • sugar says

      Well, it’s always good to have preference and an opinion. Me, I don’t like coffee. I prefer milk. It probably has more benefits. That’s a preference and my opinion…

      • El Moro says

        Hi Sugar,

        Am sorry to disagree with you on this point. I believe,we can’t have the best of both worlds at any given time. Preference doesn’t need justification or opinion for that matter. That’s ours for the taking and no one will quarrel with us. You like foreign men? American men? Fine. That’s you’re preference and you don’t need to justify, compare nor unleash highly opinionated statements. Opinion enters the picture when settling an argument and during times when the issue is devoid of any conventions or rules. “Ito ay akin lamang dalawang sentimong napag ipunan sa ating masayang kuro kuro” (Just my two cents worth of contribution). Too much sugar will kill you. (Now, that’s a fact and not an opinion). Yes, milk is fine. I love it too. Goat’s milk fresh from the farm. (Of course always unsweetened). Peace sugar…

  21. David L Smith says

    Hi Sugar
    I think you are ok to have your preferances, most of us are the same. Maybe you should have concentrated solely on the good points of both westerners and phil men as im sure you have men in your own family you respect and love very much. It does seem like you have made a case of these against them and highlighted only the good points you see in westerners (in your opinion) and then gone on only to list the faults you see in Phil men(in your opinion)…Most Phil men i have met on my travels are fantastic guys and there is so much i admire about them. I would love to have their ingenuity and skills , give them some scrap wood or metal and a couple of tools and they can make just about anything. There of course many other things i find good about them. Even in Australia i have met many OFW and i have seen how they have struggled to be away from thier loved ones for so long while they are working and sending money home to support their familys. I have never met one yet that would waste money on going to hotels drinking and gambling, they are bloody hero’s in my book. I wonder how many westerners would make the sacrifices they make for their familys. A lot of westerners i have known useally do a runner when family life gets to tough for them. I have many faults myself, im not ashamed to say, but now i have met an angel of a wife who accepts me for what i am i believe she is making me a better person…as i said before there are good and bad in all races so maybe it would have been better just to highlight all the good points of both sides .

  22. Bryan G says

    Dave – the hard working OFW is the worst thing that happened to the Philippines.A culture of dependency is fostered and it means that every member of the extended family believes that they have the right to be supported by their overseas relative.I have worked in the aviation business with Filipinos since 1977 and it took many years to come to this conclusion.Like you I initially thought that the culture of family support was something to be praised but the hardship that it causes to the individual worker who denies themself the benefits of a better life in order to subsidise what in many cases is a lazy member of the family, is in my opinion a very high price to pay. Many OFW’s return after many years overseas no better off than when they left as they have given away the fruits of their many years of hard work.

    • dans says

      bryan,

      As an OFW myself, I agree on some of what you said, but i think a hard working OFW isn’t the worst thing happened to the Philippines, there are 12 millions OFW as to date and majority of them have build their own houses or had their children finished college, not all filipinos has a culture of dependency or has fostered that culture, it’s true that OFW helps the family in anyway they can but within a limit, I’ve been an OFW for nearly 20 years now and still counting, my mother never asks me of anything or my siblings, even my extended family never asks me to support them, of course there are times where they needed my help and mostly it is a real emergency, a matter of life and death emergency, other than that, nobody asks me of anything, and I know many Filipinos has the same situation as I have. Not all individual deny themselves the benefits of a better life just to satisfy the need of their family, more often that not most OFW’s enjoy themselves abroad, You are correct there are many OFW who comes home with nothing and sometimes they are a lot worst than when they left but don’t ignore the large number of Filipinos who comes home with a lot, the one who succeeded outweighed the one who failed.

      • jonathan says

        Dans,

        Once again, you had my brains picked and totally agree to what you said. Being an OFW myself, I’ve been working my butts off since 1992 and have sent my eldest daughter up to college and now she’s independent and happily (I hope) working on her own. I never asked her for anything else in return, just to see her happy with her life is enough for me. But Bryan has also some points although I don’t believe that the hardworking OFW’s was the worst thing that happened to the PH but the resulting dependency of the successive governments on the income that our heroes bring to the coffers. The inaction of the governments to turn around a struggling economy into one of the major power players at least in SEA has not been realized up to now. The money was never wisely used to improve infrastuctures and create a better business climate to support local jobs.

        • Biz Doc says

          hi jonathan,

          re: “…the resulting dependency of the successive governments on the income that our heroes bring to the coffers… The money was never wisely used to improve infrastuctures and create a better business climate to support local jobs.”

          i’m not sure what income you refer to. are you referring to the exit fees that OFWs pay before departure? or the remittances they send the family thru commercial channels?

          i’d like to know what you mean before giving feedback to your comment. thanks

          cheers,

          • dans says

            bizdoc,

            as with most OFW’s common thought, I think jonathan is refering to both and it might also include other fees such as owwa, poea fees and probably some other fees I am not aware of, DFA alone generates a lot of money just for issuing passports and large applicants are OFWs, the authentication office in malacanang also generate income for documents authentication, nso, nbi, etc..etc.. we must not also forget the sea based OFW who has different fees to pay.

            I could only think that these offices generate a lot of income from the OFW alone.

            • Biz Doc says

              hi dans,

              that’s correct. but the problem really lies in government’s inability to fund the right projects. OFWs’ needs can be taken care of IF there are laws crafted to do so, but with the power of the purse being in the hands of senators & congressmen, that’s not really possible since they have constituencies & dependents to support– whether or not what they’re doing is bad for the country entire.

              the problems we see can be fixed if we remove that fiscal function away from those crooks in office. after all if their job is to craft laws, they have no business having access to the national treasury.

              cheers,

              • dans says

                bizdoc,

                that is exactly what jonathan is saying (on a different perspective)

                “The inaction of the governments to turn around a struggling economy into one of the major power players at least in SEA has not been realized up to now. The money was never wisely used to improve infrastuctures and create a better business climate to support local jobs.”

                I think we are getting off-topic.. :-)

              • jonathan says

                Hehe..guys, both of you are correct. Dans, thanks for explaning my points to Biz (are you some kind of a psychic?)…:)

              • Randy Weis says

                Biz Doc

                Did you read that article in the Inquirer written by phil-am lawyer Ted Laguatan on 04/08/11 about Marcos. Very good. Take care

        • Randy Weis says

          Dans, Jonathan

          I commend you two for being OFW’s for such a long time, being away from your families. You two are among the millions of good filipino men in this world. Sugar didn’t mean to offend you, its just the way she expressed herself and what her preference was. Take care and be safe.

      • Biz Doc says

        hi dans,

        as we know there are different OFW classes– those who work blue-collar jobs, those employed as entertainers & domestic helpers, and those doing technical jobs in engineering, IT and whatnot.

        it seems the only thing common to those that come home with nothing are those who have never had the chance to learn financial literacy and apply what they learned. that’s what’s been missing in our educational system, and it’s just too bad that the people who are now pushing for the needed changes in education are those who have financial products to sell, like the people working for the insurance & pre-need industries who haven’t really shown any record of investment success here in PH.

        financial literacy basics need to be taught— and taught by the right people.

        cheers,

        • dans says

          bizdoc,

          I agree to what you said about our current education, but then again, there are people who never attended any kind of “financial literacy” program and yet very successful handling their own finances, my in-laws are my good example for it, they raised 7 children and they all are professionals, they started with less than half acre of land and now they owned nearly 15 acres with cattle ranch and other livestock.

          • Biz Doc says

            hi dans,

            your in-laws and those like them are very few. God-given natural ability at building wealth was not widely dispersed, hence the need to level the playing field for those who have none by having recourse to financial literacy ” )

            cheers,

            • dans says

              heheh i think if there is any kind of “literacy” program that must be taught, I would vote for teaching a basic “common sense” hahaha just kidding. :)

              • Biz Doc says

                hi dans,

                unfortunately common sense is not enough.

                i only learned the ins & outs of money after i went broke in the late 90s. this after having had a successful run in sales & real estate brokerage. a stint at a bank as BM after that finally gave the the thinking tools needed to figure out how to make money work for one’s self rather than the other way around. i wrote a financial literacy workshop module from what i learned throughout, and copyrighted it for publication purposes. i’ll release it soon as i’m done with post-final edits hehe even my LiPh contributions to bob haven’t been spared with said post-final edits ” )

                cheers,

    • David L Smith says

      Bryan…im not suggesting its the ideal system, but until there are more jobs created in Phil then sometimes people have no choice but to find work overseas. Phil is not as blessed as rich countries such as Australia who can afford to have a social security system which gives you a good standard of living for sitting on your bum all day watching movies. I do agree that there is hardship caused to some OFW like you suggested and thats why i stated they are hero’s in my book to make such a great sacrifice for their familys. And yes as Dans sugested some can even enjoy the benefits of a better life and im happy for them. I would say a lot depends on which country they work in, as some countries like Singapore will employ OFW as cheap labour and other countries like Australia will pay the going rate that all workers will receive, no matter where they come from.

      • Biz Doc says

        hi david,

        OFWs’ continued departure abroad for greener pastures is only a result of the inability of oligarchs to pay the right price of labor in this country. that, coupled with the unavoidable reality of opportunistic & crooked politicians out to make themselves wealthy at the expense of the country is what drives pinoys to work elsewhere rather than here.

        in fact the underlying cynicism is so widespread that you will find successful local entrepreneurs who don’t pay taxes since they don’t want to end up paying for the fabulous lifestyles of the crooks in office. you may not see it, but the country really is rich enough to fuel its first-world aspirations, except the people who end up running the country are those whose interests are not for the country but for themselves and their dependents.

        fixing the culture is the only thing that can turn this beloved country around.

        cheers,

        • David L Smith says

          Hi Doc
          I agree with most of what you posted. I hope i will see the day that the culture of corruption in high office is made accountable. I am sad to see so many parents in Phil scrape and go without neccessities (even starve at times)) just to pay the college fees for their children so that may get an education and work overseas to improve their lot. Its a crying pity for parents to do this, its like a double whammy on them…on one hand they struggle all thier lives to get the children an education only to have to say goodbye to them and rarely see them again as they work overseas. It will be a great day in our beloved country when we can educate our children to succeed in finding well paid careers here.

          • jonathan says

            Exactly David, you nailed it. It’s a vicious cycle actually. If your parents or one of your parents is an OFW, chances are the children in their lifetime, willl become OFWs themselves especially when they got married and have children of their own to support. I once pointed out this to one of my colleagues saying being an OFW is not really a good thing and he got angry at me (lol).

            • Peter Shaw says

              Jonathan

              Your extended period of time working closely with OFW’s has offered you the opportunity to make some astute observations that have caused me to rethink what I had previuosly considered a noble and and unselfish characteristic of the Filipine culture…..that is the sacrifice of OFW’s supporting their families in the Philippines and sacrificing their futures and personal rewards for families that seriously leverage them with false and contrived reasons for their loyalty….Hmmm….Sugar has created a forum for me to learn a great deal from the responses.

        • Peter Shaw says

          Here…Here Doc….I so agree with your comments concerning the insidious political corruption that robs the Filipino people of their dignity and their futures.

          To me, the so- called elected officials are insipid but vicious comedians who prey on the intrinsic goodness of their people.

          It is a beloved country populated for the most part by humble and beloved people.

          Peter

          • Biz Doc says

            hi peter,

            i’ve said this before– it’s the people’s fault for putting crooks in high elective positions.

            to get by, pinoys tend to be interdependent and will turn their attention away when their political patrons do something imperceptibly crooked. people only make a fuss of that same thing and get into fight-back mode when the abuse goes beyond what’s generally tolerated. willie revillame is the best current example as GMA, erap & marcos were in their time.

            if pinoys weren’t such “low-intensity” hypocrites, the rule of law would rule all.

            what do i mean by this?

            pinoys generally take short-cuts as a matter of course and as long as nobody gets hurt, any type of behavior is accepted by society. law itself is a victim of this cultural habit, but people don’t realize that when the law is subject to considerations, law & order suffers.

            the mess you see happening all around the country is there precisely because people tolerate it. however if the rule of law is made absolute, life becomes inconvenient. when it gets inconvenient, people will either complain, or move elsewhere (OFW migration). so as long as society does not see what’s wrong in the little things it tolerates, life in PH will never change, including the corruption in govt.

            cheers,

  23. louie says

    Hi Sugar – Honestly I don’t want to comment about this article of yours for a simple reason that you’re a lady and a kabayan. I may not agree with some of your descriptions here, but we all have our own opinion of different things and we have to respect people’s views. But as one of your kabayans who wish you well, perhaps I should say these sound advices from our other kababayans (Liz & others) here can add to your perspective. I not against your preference for there are foreigners who are fine gentlemen, and besides it’s your private life, but I guess it’s a plus factor adding into consideration other helpful comments here for it may do you good also. All the best.

  24. David L Smith says

    Hi Sugar
    Sorry to get your post of topic…Im the guilty one as i was first to mention OFW in my reply to you. Anyway thank you for a very interesting topic.

  25. Lea says

    Hi Sugar!
    I know you didn’t mean to put down our pogi kabayans but your article just did that… you did say “there are reasons why foreign men are better than Filipino men”. We always think that the grass is greener on the other side. Your article seems to be related with the one by Maria Luisa… you should read that…

    When you said foreigners, would that include a fun, loving black pharmacist from Atlanta? Or are you limited to the likes of that blue-eyed, blonde computer exec working in Lexmark? I think by limiting yourself to foreigners, you’re limiting your “options”.

    Just curious..which one will you choose —
    a)– A Filipino mechanical engineer (top 10 in the board), close to his family, have a good job in the UK, built a house for his parents, believes in God, loves basketball, visits Philippines almost every year, was introduced to you by your friend – his cousin.… or
    b)– A white American – manager in Home Depot, divorced with 1 child paying child support, lives in a property owned by his parents, loves football, only goes to church on Xmas (that is if it’s not snowing), been to Vegas and Orlando but thinks Vermont is a different country, you met online, and will come to the Philippines if things work out with you.

    • dans says

      lea,

      I think sugar needs to have a better definition of “foreigner”, I think there’s a misconception of that term, at the back of my head something is telling me that sugar is equating the term specifically to a group of ABC’s (American, Australian,British or Canadian) or perhaps somehow the term is misunderstood completely.

      an indian national living in the philippines is a foreigner too or any non-filipino residing in the philippines for that matter.

          • Lea says

            I mean westerners… You’re right Dans…
            I respect her personal preference, there’s nothing wrong with it. However, the reasoning behind it was a bit disconcerting…

            I am married to a foreigner (not blue-eyed). :) It was not easy at first because I was the opposite of Sugar. I never wanted to marry a foreigner, I tend to look down on them actually.:) However, character and personality match were more important to me. I am not saying that Pinoys do not possess those, I just didn’t meet them at the right time. :) And a bit off-topic here, that’s why I like the employment law here in the US – based on your skills, experience and others and not based on looks (color, race). I’m not saying it works all the time, but it does most of the time. In the Philippines, you need to include your photo, marital status, age, etc.

    • sugar says

      Hi Lea and Dan – The grass is not greener on the other side. A foreigner is somebody who is not a local. Thanks.

      • Lea says

        Thanks for clearing that up. :) I’ll be curious to know your hypothetical answers to my hypothetical questions. :) Good article, btw.

      • roy says

        LOL. “The grass is Not greener on the other side” because “A foreigner is somebody who is Not a local.” I guess that should end all discussions (Sorry Dans & Lea) here on why you like “foreigners better than locals.”

        • Randy Weis says

          Lea

          Money or having a high paying job isn’t always the deciding factor in a relationship. If that’s the case there would be alot of unsuccessful marriages. By the way store managers at Home Depot can earn in 6 figures which would be more than most mechanical engineers. Also i don’t think we need to make fun of Sugar above. All of us are not as articulate as Bob and Paul T., at least i’m not. Have a nice day!

          • Lea says

            Randy, that was intentional. Those options didn’t poke fun to an HD mgr (free ad actually) and seriously, how many MEs really go to UK. It’s for Sugar to make a comparison that despite of obvious difference, she’s still prefer a “foreigner”. If she’ll prefer the Pinoy, which I hope so, then, a “foreigner” is not really what she wanted. Then, she’s not as weird as she thought, she’s like any average woman – wanted to meet a guy who’s fun, loving, etc… plus a good sense of humor. :)

            • Papa Duck says

              Lea

              No problem. I understand what your saying. No matter who she chooses Pinoy/Foreigner as long as she is happy is all that counts. Have a nice day Lea!

    • Paul Thompson says

      Lea;
      You’re examples of the Pinoy verses the Kano, is a tad bias. You presented the Pinoy as the winner, and the Kano as the loser (when it could go either way), could not their rolls be reversed? Something like the Pinoy, who’s a mama’s boy, has never left the compound to find employment and has fathered 3 children by three different women, and supports none of them. It’s easy to make either side look bad. But is that what we really want to do?

      • Lea says

        Paul, that was intentional… the motive was to make her tell me that despite of the differences, she will still choose the “foreigner”. If she will, then, I will respect it, not necessarily agree, but will respect that preference. However, if she chooses the Pinoy, then, it’s clear to me that it’s not being a “foreigner” that she likes… it’s the good (some bad) qualities of the person… which will make me respect her more.
        I assume that I’m way older than her, and I foresee she’ll end up marrying a “foreigner”, but I just want to steer her in the right direction… I think… :)
        As I’ve said, I’m married to a foreigner. However, when I was younger I had the opposite position – that I would never marry a foreigner due to bunch of reasons/excuses. But when I met the right person, who happens to be a foreigner, I had to swallow my pride, i.e., not telling other people aside from family members. :) I’m glad I did.

        • Paul Thompson says

          Lea;
          The heart wants what the heart wants. I’ll assume that’s why there are more love songs than songs about other things. My wife, just like you, had no intention of seeking out a foreigner, it was a chance meeting at her sisters house while I was in country visiting a friend. (her sisters husband). By the same token I was the happy bachelor with no intention of finding a wife anywhere on Earth. That spark can ignite in the oddest ways, we just have to know when it’s the right person. Life will never fail to surprise us!

          • Lea says

            Paul, similar to how you met your wife, my former coworker introduced us to each other, that was in the late 90’s. We communicated first via snail mail letter. I just broke up with my BF then and was on an MPA program, and thought, hey, it’s not a bad way of improving my English. :) Oh, and plus, he’s working on his MBA at U of Mich then. When we eventually met, we just clicked. He went back to MI, and the communication continued, now, with emails. :) The rest is history. If I wasn’t open-minded, I don’t think, I’ll be here typing this response to you. By the way, a good sense of humor goes a long way in a relationship, I know you can attest to that. :)

            • Paul Thompson says

              Lea;
              One never knows what doors will open for them today. One just has to be smart enought to answer the bell.

              • dans says

                Paul;

                how true! many expect to see santa knocking on the door on Christmas eve but a man from postal office is what you will see on that day! disappointment will then follow.

  26. Weil says

    Hi Sugar,

    I like your point of view of being so frank. You are real, not a wise woman. Your heart is lion but I feel you are generous. I wish someday you can make a difference. Cheers for this nice article.

    • dans says

      it is about whether Dr. Leonard Hofstadter or Mr.Howard Wolowitz will fit the bill, definitely Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali is out of the question so as Dr. Sheldon Copper ;)

    • Biz Doc says

      hi larry,

      if that were so, i would wonder how caucasian-looking spanish mestizos based in manila would fail to merit sugar’s attention, including those whose families have extensive business interests not only all over the country, but overseas as well ” )

      those folks make cute babies too!

      cheers,

  27. Bryan G says

    Hi David,
    The OFW is the social security system of the extended family – too many times the worker is exploited by family members who expect as a right that their needs will be taken care of.The extended family of Philippine culture – large families plus cousins, nieces.nephews,uncles and aunts makes for a very large number of dependents. In Australia they will not be exploited to the same extent as in the Middle East or other third world countries there are humane labour laws which apply to all. My experience of Filipino OFW’s ranges from Iran,Saudi, Nigeria,USA UAE over more than 30 years and I have seen the problems and difficulties they experience without much assistance from the local embassies.I am married to an OFW that I met in Saudi Arabia – this week is our 25th wedding anniversary – the best thing that ever happened to me.

  28. says

    I’m married to an American for 7 years now and I hear you and agree with you. But not all foreigners are like the ones you just described. You just have to choose and pray that man is the person God gives you to be your lifetime partner.
    But most oftentimes a partnership with a Filipino and American always ends up successful.

  29. unionjack says

    Sweet mother, this post sure stirred some reactions.

    You have profiled Filipino men in general in a manner that can interpreted as careless and baseless. No offense to you my dear but you said so yourself that you have not had any romantic relationship with a kabayan. You were plucking words form thin air that perhaps best suit a diary and can serve as a reference to read back after a few years and see if you still have the same thoughts and preferences. In that way one avoidsposting to the world words that can be deemed offensive to may very good, clever, successful and interesting Filipino men.

    These generalization you have made could be because you do not know what average Filipino men are really like and instead of perhaps posing your questions to those who have better experience you have rationalised your perceived preference of the “foreign men” by a sweeping portrayal of local men as boring, uninteresting and incompetent.

    Perhaps we should start from within. Do you kike yourself? Will a good man, of good values and character will like you for the virtues, beliefs and character you hold?

    As was mentioned in this thread already, there are good bad and ugly in all races. Good relationships are made up of people who have genuine respect, care and love for each other.

    Cultures vary so much that what is embraced amongs Filipino is frowned upon by others and vice versa. I can tell you first hand that your example of foreign men better in helping family is possibly another post to debate about. Hmmm. To most western cultures., family means husband, wife and children only… These people are the primary and often the only beneficiary of family financial resources. I am sure to a Filipino man who has financial capability i.e. a good job, one need not explain or justify that family assistance includes extended members.

    I have been married 15 years to a western man and have 3 sisters who are married to non Filipinos too. None of us has done this by choice. It was meeting the right man with the right character, that made us feel in love. And gosh , it’s still a road of discovery every step of the way. Somewhere in the union though, one forgets that you are from different nationalities, what becomes apparent is that you are 2 people who have commited to a relationship, a marriage.

    If you get a chance, do travel, explore the world rather than men. You’d be very pleasantly awed by what you’ll learn. Write down your questions, your comparisons and then find answers from your own experiences. Over all, keep an open mind so that you won’t miss out on things and experiences.

    I wish you a world of pleasan experiences.

    • Isagani Cruz says

      I agree 100%, especially with the point about exploring the world (rather than men) through travel. Very well put and insightful, unionjack!

    • sugar says

      Hi unionjack – Careless and baseless? Hmm no… otherwise I wouldn’t write about it. My fault, I didn’t put my words the right way I should have but otherwise,I’m not sorry about my article. I ‘m gonna say this again.. the article is not meant to offend Filipino men. I’m a Filipino too! The comment I made to Joseph Inapi sums up it. You can take a look above. I respect Filipino men!

      I’ve had relationship with locals but it’s not like long term serious one like I’ve ha so I don’t consider them as relationships. I’ve been out with local men. Professional men.The one’s with jobs. But I also know men who don’t have job (I even lent money w/asking in return). But I’ve also lived with an American… and so I know.

      And you know what? The smartest wittiest, funniest, a real intellectual, hardworking, loving husband, doting father, a good family man, a god provider, good voice, plays the guitar, relax, easy going, helpful, worldly, and cultured, daring, adventurous fun loving man. (Basically all the the things I mentioned in the article) I know is a Filipino. He became an OFW about four years ago so he can provide for his family.

      I somehow enumerated what I felt like from being out with local men and then going out and being with a foreigner and living with one. But it came off as me stereotyping and offending Filipino men. I will repeat again. The article is not about that!

      Thanks for your thoughts, unionjack.

      • dans says

        sugar,

        you are contradicting yourself, perhaps another “read-back” and try to absorb the context of your article would help you pin down were you made a mistake?

        • sugar says

          Dans – I’m not. I know my article! I just wanted to point out things! I did not make any mistakes so there’s nothing to pin down. I will say this again, the article is not meant to offend Filipino men ok! Reasoning and comparing foreigners and locals seems to be what’s making everyone (well almost) mad, annoyed, making fun of me. I wrote what I wrote from experience. That’s how I feel that”s how it is. I like foreigners. Thank you.

          • dans says

            sugar,

            you seem to be a smart woman (not wise though), here is what i am going to suggest that you do, collect all of your replies here and write them down on a piece of paper, then sit your articles side by side with your collected replies. – if it requires sentence by sentence or word by word comparison, so be it.

            not to be an english nazi….

            adjectives like SOME, MORE, FEW, MOST are very important when writing an article specially if it’s for public reading, it prevents a sentence or phrases to be perceive with *generalization* – being modest is not really bad at all – try it sometimes. :)

  30. Todd says

    I am a huge fan of Filipinas, but let’s not get carried away. I am sitting in an internet cafe in Manila right now and there is a very pretty filipina with her friends.

    This Filipina is MARRIED to a foreigner and yet has asked me out at least five times in the last week. Her friends are the same. One of the other gals in the internet cafe warned me about her. This is a game she plays. And the cafe lady said many filipinas do the same thing.

    Since I have been here I have had at least 50 women come up to me and want to have some fun and when I tell them I am not interested because I have a fiance they say “well it is ok, she won’t find out.” Amazing. And these filipinas are supposed to be so sweet. LOL.

    Now, having said that I do really think filipinas are terrific for the most part. But there seems to be a real disconnect with many of them. Maybe it is the culture here where so many men cheat. I do not know of one filipino man that does NOT cheat on his wife or GF. So maybe it is more expected here.

    As far as filipinas liking foreigners more….well some do. Some don’t. I do think the American men I see here are more interesting and funny to the filipina. The filipino men here seem so serious.

    There are good men and women from all cultures. And for those of you filipinas that think American men are so great….hmmmm, would you like me to give you the MANY examples of American men that are here RIGHT now that have wives at home, and a GF in every city in the Filipines they visit?

    • louie says

      Hi Todd – re: “This Filipina is MARRIED to a foreigner and yet has asked me out at least five times in the last week. Her friends are the same. One of the other gals in the internet cafe warned me about her. This is a game she plays. And the cafe lady said many filipinas do
      the same thing”.

      I just hope you won’t have a misconception that what Café lady said was true. I assure you not many Filipinas are like that. Those girls you mentioned are not the regular or ordinary Filipina you would meet here in the Phils. Geez even Sugar here maybe doesn’t represent the regular/ordinary Filipinas(not sure of exact word in English). I hope Sugar won’t mind this as she even admitted in her article that she a bit weird and not sure if other Filipinas think the same way she does. Maybe the Café lady were just referring to that group of ladies you met in that Café and not the regular/ordinary Filipinas. Just my two cents. Cheers

      • Todd says

        I can assure you that MORE than a few ARE like that. My friends and I run into them every single day both here and when I am in America. That does not mean all of them are.

        And as far as Sugar…come let’s get real. She writes an article about something she has NO experience with!! Serious, how can anyone like that be taken seriously. Many Filipinas like foreigners, many many many…just because they are foreigners or have blue eyes. I have heard this from Filipinas hundreds and hundreds of times.

        Last week I was here in Makati having dinner with a friend and her friend. The conversation got down to why I wouldn’t mess around with her and her friend. I was sorta stunned. I told this woman, who in all other ways is very sweet, that she knew I could not cheat on my fiance.

        Here is her EXACT comment and her friend agreed: “Todd, see this plate of noodles. What if you had to have these noodles every day, wouldn’t that get boring. Y9ur fiance is this plate of noodles. I am something different and my friend is also. Do you want to eat the same food every day?”

        I was not too happy with this girl at that moment. But I have talked to many filipinas that have the EXACT same attitude. I had lunch the other day with a man that has been living here for over 20 years. We had lunch near Landmark in Ayala.

        This is a nice upscale area of Makati and there are a lot of professional filipinas that have good jobs there. I ended up talking to a few and many of them could have cared less if I had a fiance. Picking them up was 10,000 times EASIER than in the United States. It would have been so easy…they had no respect for the fact I had a fiance or gf. None at all.

        Now, are they all like that? Of course not. But let’s not get on this kick that filipinas are so moral, because that is simply not true. Why do you think Filipinas are so darn jealous all the time of each other? Because they know what the others are thinking.

        • dans says

          tod,

          don’t get me wrong, I hope sugar can learn from how you perceive our women, this should be an eye-opening for her, if she (sugar) perceived foreign men to be very “ideal” men as she enumerated one by one, your perception of filipina women is totally the opposite of her view.

          • Papa Duck says

            Dans, Todd

            I believe Sugar already knows that there are some filipinas that are like that. I wouldn’t think she is that naive to think that filipinas wouldn’t do that. It happens all around the world. It’s human nature. Take care!

          • sugar says

            Dans – I don’t perceived foreign men to be “ideal”. As I said, not all are perfect! But I still prefer them. Its just is.

        • David L Smith says

          hey Todd…u have forget to mention the many thousands of filipinas that would walk straight past you and not give you a second look mate, or are we to assume your some sort of chic magnet that all girls flock all over when they spot you, maybe a movie star..get out of here

          • Lea says

            David, ha-ha-ha thanks for pointing that out. :) I bet he’s good looking fella. He’s hanging out in the wrong crowd, or say, internet cafe. I bet there are good women in any internet cafe, but expecting you’ll meet a good one in few days, chance may be slim.

            • Papa Duck says

              Paul T.

              Me too, but not really hahaha. Don’t need to be a Don Juan because there is no need or desire to be out there in the meat market. Take care Paul!

        • Biz Doc says

          hi todd,

          back in the early 90s when there weren’t too many young white guys in manila, i was shocked to hear a pretty, somewhat-mestiza college classmate relate to me that in a few months she would be giving birth to a kid, fathered by a scion of one of the wealthiest spanish-mestizo families that owned a huge chunk of business in the country’s top 1000 firms.

          she met him in a bar, became his “girlfriend” (the guy had an official fiancee, an heiress to one of the established families), and would be financially supported throughout.

          at my first job in the early 90s i also had an officemate who verbally expressed her desire to get a certain mestizo actor into bed with her. i asked why, and she said she just wanted to know how “good” he was, and once would be enough.

          i realize that girls who think this way seem to see it as “making a score” — whether being attractive enough to merit the attention of someone of better standing (or appearance), or being more attractive compared to her peers/friends who are not able to score someone as desirable, or simply being able to score by having a child or children that would look far more interesting than if the father was a pinoy-looking fellow.

          i think about my own preference for having a chinita-looking wife, and find that i might not be as faithful if my future wife was going to be mestiza or morena. having chinky-eyed kids would be “a score” hehe

          cheers,

        • louie says

          I was not saying Filipinas wouldn’t be attracted to foreigners. What I meant was not many Filipinas would want to have an affair to a guy other than her bf or husband, just like those gals you met in the internet café. What I’m saying is those Filipinas you met including those from upscale Makati area whom you said offering this and that to you doesn’t represent the typical Filipinas. Some others might get an impression many Filipinas are like that which is not true. Most Filipinas are still conservative type Todd. They still look for a guy based on love not the color of skin or eyes. They could be a saleslady in a mall or vendor in a market Cubao, but still have good moral values which typical of a Filipina.

        • Liz says

          If you are engaged Todd, how come you always manage to bump into many Filipinas? Have conversation with them and all? ;)
          I guess Todd and Sugar have both been hanging out with the wrong crowd…..(wrong Pinays and wrong Pinoys)
          There is definitely nothing wrong with liking a foreigner that is your choice, Sugar. But your reasoning behind it seem to be off as many have pointed out tactfully by some, as well as with straight talking by some. And yes, you did have generalized a bit there but I hope you are smart enough to admit where you have thought wrong and learn from it. Others do have a point regardless how tough they sound…….Goodluck to you…….

          • Papa Duck says

            Liz

            Todd’s fiance probably doesn’t know what he is doing. If she finds out he better watch out for the bolo hahaha. Good Day

          • sugar says

            Liz – I wrote what I felt based from experience. I don’t hang out with the wrong crowd. Just because I like foreigners doesn’t mean I look down and put down Filipino men. But that’s how you or as you pointed out, many perceived the article to be that. I’ve said from previous comments, the intention of the article was not to demean, degrade, to insult the character and intelligence of Filipino men. I haven’t thought wrong, Liz. I just said what I feel. I read all what the “many” pointed out “tactfully” or straight talking”, even if it’s making fun of me. Thanks Liz.

            • liz says

              Hi Sugar,

              I am not making fun of you, that I can say. I am sure others like Lea or Dans are just trying make a point the best way they can.
              In many of your response you always end up saying ”I like foreigners”, NO ONE is telling you not to. We do not have the right to tell you what to like. What we are saying is, when you enumerate things that you found in foreigners endearing like that, it is like you never gave much thought on what you wrote. You have contradicted yourself many times in your responses by saying you met intellectual Filipinos and you have learned from them but in your article you wrote that you are not sure whether you will learn with Filipinos…..
              At some point in your article, you asked ”Correct? ” and ”Am I mistaken?”…and here are the rest of us responding to those questions.
              I am not sure whether you are demeaning and putting down Filipinos, but youre putting ”up” foreigners in the wrong way. Talking about farm in Iowa? Great Depression? Wine in Napa Valley? You can hardly call them worldy by knowing those things. And then you proceed to writing with Filipinos, you are not sure if you could learn those. Do you see the double standard? You praise foreigners for knowing things that they should know, and you fault the Filipino for not knowing tidbits about a farm he barely knows where……..Maybe if you have put it this way ” I like it in a foreign man that he can talk well about his OWN history and culture while I find SOME Filipinos that I met could barely talk about the contribution of Capt Juan Pajota in the Great Raid in WWII….”
              Again, this is not about you liking the foreigner but the double standard you seem to have when you wrote this article……….

        • sugar says

          Todd – Most of the Filipinas are not in awe of foreigners ! Now, you and most people here think I am some kind of a Filipina who thinks all foreigners are the best and that I can’t live with out then and I fall head over heels for them. When that’s not even the case. I just I prefer them based from my experience. Thanks.

        • Mark G. says

          Todd you need to get out of Manila and out of the internet cafes, lol! More gold diggers in Manila than anywhere else in the Philippines except maybe AC or Cebu…

      • rebecca Ferry says

        Louie,
        I can assure you that not all pinays are like Sugar, like me for instance i think we’re quite opposite, i’m working and living overseas for such a long time and been exposed to all kinds of women here but my conservative values still instilled w/ me, but then i have nothing against sugar for being brave enough to tell us what she really likes and i admired her for that, it’s just that were different from each other.

        • louie says

          Rebecca Ferry,
          Yup it’s true and that’s what I’ve been trying to tell Todd. I just don’t want him to have a misconception that most Filipinas are like those he met in an internet café and in Makati area, which is far from typical women here. It would be very unfair to Filipinas if they’d be preconceived as like that. I too have nothing against Sugar’s preference. It’s her private life. We respect it. We just don’t want to have a misconception about it, as what we’ve been beginning to witness now, and put other Filipinas in a bad light. For us we are just giving factual information as we can. It would be a disservice to others and us if we don’t do it. Regards kabayan.

          • Todd says

            I am not sure how many times I am going to have to say this…apparently a LOT I guess. I am not just talking about Filipinas in internet cafes. I believe I mentioned I have been in very well regarded areas of Manila and many other places and the attitude is the same….”Don’t cheat on me…but if you would like to mess around it is ok because you wife, gf, or fiance will not find out!”

            My goodness are some of you just blind to what is really going on. I have many many many friends that are with filipinas and they tell me they get the same things from other filipinas ALL of them time.

            The filipina does not like to be cheated on, but many do not have a problem messing around with married men, men that have gf’s, or men that have fiances! I have witnessed this many times and so have many men that I know.

            And my information is FACTUAL. Out of all the women I have ever known the filipina just doesn’t seem to understand that having an affair with a married man is also very wrong on HER part.

            Maybe some of you guys should get out more and see what these filipinas offer when they KNOW you are married. It is not just happening with me, it happens with many men I talk to. In fact it is shocking at times.

            • ian says

              Todd- I find that for a lot- and I do mean a lot- of filipinas their attitude is that they want a guy who will never cheat on them- but that they make it very clear that even tho I have a wife they want for us to get involved. And no, I do not consider myself gods gift to women- but that does not seem to matter. And I know other guys here who find the same thing happening to them also.
              Of course we live in Davao, and not in Manila, so I cant comment on girls in big cities.
              I believe that many of them hope that if I get to know them I will leave my wife for them- but that is just a guess as I have never pursued things, nor do I have the ability to have an indepth conversation with them in Bisayan.
              Sugar has stated her preference very clearly. And I am told that many filipinas feel the same way as she does. It seems that a lot of filipinas have the impression that if they fall for a filipino he will not be working , expecting her to support the family ,end up getting her pregnant, and then leaving her .
              I hear that over and over. I can not comment on whether or not it is true.
              Of course even if it is true for 10% of the male population that is a heck of a lot of guys.

              • Biz Doc says

                hi ian,

                consider for a moment that a HUGE chunk of the PH population lives below the poverty line.

                for many pinays & pinoys, any way out of poverty is a way out. they grab it, whether or not it involves a white guy, a rich mestizo, a successful fil-chi businessman– anybody with means, whether straight or gay.

                i was BM for a bank branch in the province where i met a retired old white gay who didn’t look like one, but had a very young pinoy (teen) gay lover whom he supported financially. the situation appalled me, but that’s the reality many in PH live. pinays who see westerners as their ticket to a better life are no different. and that includes other people from other third world countries.

                cheers,

            • louie says

              And I don’t know how many times would I have to tell you that you are wrong. If you insist in what you believed and then fine. I’m just pointing out to you that perhaps you were just seeing minority of Filipinas not the majority or typical Filipina and I guess you shouldn’t generalized. You need not reminded me to go out more since I’m sure to myself I know Filipinas better than you do. How long have you been here in the Phil.? What I am not aware is that you regarded Filipinas the way you do. And if there are many foreigners who feels the same way you do, then it is sad to know you guys see Filipinas like that. If it’s only a consolation, at least I now have better understanding of foreigners. Maybe I had the wrong impression when I saw some foreigners’ posts here. Nevertheless all is just fine with me at least we learn from each other.

          • dans says

            louie,

            I will try to be more rational here and don’t get me wrong to what I have to say, I am in no way in agreement with what Todd had said, but let us give him more reasons as to why he perceived our women the way he did.

            I cannot blame Todd for thinking that most of our women are cheap, easy to get and “would do anything” just to get a foreigner, for one, the amount of women he met with the character he demonstrated with his post definitely has a huge impact to his thinking about our women, people tend to generalize things if the amount of evidence is piling up – in this case Todd met a lot of cheap and easy to get women and very few of good women, (I just hope that sugar didn’t make to Todd’s List of cheap women.) he maybe with the wrong crowd but since he is a foreigner, he probably cannot differentiate what is “good” or “bad” crowd in the Philippine – remember, most likely Todd knows very little of our culture.

            I must also admit that the increase of poverty in our country is another factor and it is also one the reason why many of our women are desperate to marry a foreigner, some women will shamelessly flirt to a foreigner, some would give a mild signal of flirting, and some would use their charm, with these kind of methods of (for lack of better words) “seducing” a foreigner, one can easily define our women as cheap and easy to get, of course not all foreigner will fall to that kind of seduction, Todd mentioned that he is already engaged with his fiance and shows no interest to these kind of women. – I must commend Todd for being faithful, ,

            Maybe, Todd didn’t realized that there are over 13 million filipinos in manila alone and around 20% or maybe more of that number are women, I maybe way off with the figure, the point is – Todd just met few or maybe a hundred of women and out of that number I would put 98% (i will be generous here) are the ones who is flirting with him – still that very small fraction of population is not a justification to claim that most of our women are cheap.

            We all know that the internet is filled with pornography, from a young 18 year old to 60 year old porn actress/actor, the biggest contributor in the porn industry are coming from the states, of course I will not say that these porn stars are Americans because it can be any race. Also, I would NOT say or generalize that all American women are porn star despite of the millions presence of porn sites from the states.

            • roy says

              Hello Dans,

              Todd’s perception might hurt but that’s just his reality. It could be that wherever he goes he is hit upon by our women. When in the states maybe out of 10 women, only one gets “friendly” with him say, in a coffee shop or bar. But in the Phil, his chance of being flirted upon is increased exponentially. Bear in mind though that these kind of women are obviously women of “ill-repute”–if they are not, why should they approach him to go horizontal with him?
              There is a disconnect about our ideal selves and what we present to these foreigners. Poverty and colonial mentality (White is the best!) create a character. More often than not, the impression formed is that of the predatory nature of our women.

              • dans says

                roy,

                I hear you brother!, Todd in the states is a nobody while in the philippines he is somewhat like a “movie star” having a blue-eye, pale skin, blonde hair, for many of our women especially the one’s who is wishing for the “american dream”, Todd is an easy way ticket.

              • louie says

                Hi Kabayans Dans & Roy,
                I have to disagree with you kabayans. Todd might just happened to be with some adventurous ladies in Makati. I can assure that not many are like that even today. Here in our office, there was this guy from Netherlands who is a foreign observer who worked temporarily in our agency. He’s good looking hunk, blue eyed and all that. He had endeared himself to many our lady officemates. But it all was just like that, they just would liked talking to him, watched him played basketball after office hours and just exchanging pleasantries. Mind you they all watch basketball even if all that was playing are locals. After his stint here and given a plaque of appreciation by our head of agency, he’s now back in his homeland. Never in our mind did we thought he would have an affair here. Unless of course he would court any single Filipina here which of course was not 100 percent sure of getting approval. But I really really doubt he would get an extra marital affair here among our married female office mates. I just don’t want this foreigner having misconception about Filipinas.

              • says

                LOL!!! First of all it is NOT only my perception. It is the perception of many men that I know….many. And when I say many I am not just talking about 10 or so. And I am not just talking about foreigners. Even many filipino men I have talked to say the same thing.

                Some of you can live in a fantasy world and not realize certain things, I choose to live in the real world.

                Most of us DO NOT stand out in the United States, although I do quite well here if I want to. But in the filipines even a below average looking guy stands out and many filipinas will be after you, even if they know you presently have a lady. How can any of you that have been in the filipines dispute that FACT.

                Maybe you ought to get out and see. If you have a wife, gf, or fiance…and you are even halfway polite to many filipinas…they take that as a cue you are interested and many seem to think you are available even if they know you really are not.

                Why do you think filipinas are so jealous of each other? They know what most other filipinas are thinking. Out of all the places I have been I have never met women that are so willing to mess around with a man that has a wife, gf, or fiance. It amazes me.

                Thankfully for my fiance I am as loyal as can be, but if I wanted to I could have had five different ladies every day of my trip without any problem at all. I cannot count how many times in the last year or so I have told filipinas I am with someone only to have them tell me…”Well she won’t find out.”

                I could say a lot more here but I choose not to because most of you simply do not want to face FACTS. But I think many of you know the jealousy of the filipina, so ask your GF, WIFE, Or FIANCE why they get so jealous. And they will tell you! They KNOW what many filipinas are thinking…that is why!

                Then come back and try to argue the FACTS.

                And finally, I am not saying that filipinas are not faithful to their husbands or boyfriends. Because I think most are. What I am saying is that many filipinas are not faithful to their fellow filipinas when it comes to messing around with foreign men.

                How can it be that so many foreign men have a different GF in every city in the filipines they travel to? And these gf’s have NO idea about each other? LOL. Come on now! They try to rationalize it and say it is ok. Nope Filipinas, it is not ok to mess around with a man that has a gf, wife, or fiance. It just isn’t.

                And yes, having blue eyes seems to be a big thing with Filipinas. I guess God, if there is one, helped me out in that regard.

            • dans says

              todd,

              I just hope that in your “real world” the sun does not revolve around earth. lol..
              are you sure your fiance, gf or whatever you call her is not fooling around other men? without your knowledge?

              I will be the first to laugh on a megaphone if it happens.

              • ian says

                Todd- i have posted earlier that most of your post echos almost exactly what my experiences have been here . I do not understand why people are so unwilling to accept the truth- just because it doesnt fit into how they wish the world was .
                Sugar, based on her experiences, and her perceptions, has made certain decisions about what kind of man appeals to her. Who the hell is anyone else to tell her that she does not present the right view of filipina women when she does so ?? Sugar is not telling us what the perfect filipina in a perfect world would do- she unembarrassedly tells us the truth about herself. More power to her!
                And you tell us what your experiences with filipinas have been. Who the hell is anyone else to judge you, and your perceptions. Maybe they dont like your perceptions, but the bottom line is that they are YOUR perceptions and no one elses. There are so many armchair liberals sitting around judging others it really makes me sick ! Comments like ” some people are just plain nasty ” really infuriate me . Its like they think no one else is allowed to have a thought contrary to their own. It would be a sad world indeed if we only allowed people to make comments that were popular , or to allow people to only voice desires that the herd approved of ie sugar going out with filipinos.

              • dans says

                an old adage goes something like this

                Bird with the same feathers flock together.. or… tell me who your friends are and i will tell you who are..

                I guess, these statements really fits into this discussion.

                there is no right or wrong here, there is only a lot of assumptions and different perceptions about a lot of things, you can’t be a winner all the time by simply rolling one dice with one dot on it.

              • dans says

                a truth for someone is not the truth for others, why can’t you accept the fact that your truth is not the ultimate truth for everyone?

              • louie says

                Even though others still embraced this distorted belief about Filipinas, I guess I would no longer argue about it. It’s no use and it’ll be just a waste of time and it’s a sensitive topic. Some have no qualms degrading other nationalities, questioning their morality, even though at the same time admitting to be in a relation to the same nationality they were disgracing. I don’t want to say this, it’s Lenten Season…,but just to clear some things. Since some enunciated that their from US, an American, maybe we could ask to ourselves, which have better moral values, the Filipinas or the American women. Which slept with more men in their lifetime? Again there’s no offense meant here, others just might want to know more about this things since some are making negative pronouncements about Filipinas here.

                Let me just reiterate that we don’t say Filipinas are ferpect and have the highest standard or moral values, we are just saying there might be some information about this article that is not accurate about Filipinas in general. Sugar has written in this article her preference for foreigners(which of course her own to decide), but some others seem to want to squeezed more from what she meant to impart in this article.

                We were saying Sugar maybe doesn’t represent the true sentiment of majority of Filipinas, but some keep on arguing since Sugar is a Filipina, then is it Filipinas’. But some ignored to see many other Filipinas here like Rebecca, Lea and Liz, who refuted what Sugar had said about this topic. These ladies along with Claudette can very well represent the Filipinas and yet some just focus their eyes on Sugar only and those some adventurous girls they met somewhere when commenting about Filipinas. Where is fairness. That said, Sugar we know is a private individual that has her own private life and has the right to her preference, but as one pnoy commenter here rightly said, being a Filipina she is like a sister to many Filipinos, so some pnoys & pnays were just trying to tell her other kabayans own perspective on the matter. They were not imposing on her what they think is the right view of a Filipina should be, they were just exchanging opinion.

                This just my two cent. Again no offense meant. We respect all others’ perception, we’re just saying additional point of view. Let’s observe the Lenten Season. Peace.

        • sugar says

          Hi Rebecca- I was also brought with good moral values! No matter who I do, what I say, wherever I am, whomever I’m with, my ideals are intact. I was brought up with good breeding and good Filipino values. Liking foreign men would never erase that!

          • sugar says

            Jeez, people will think much worse about me. Let me correct that. I meant No Matter What I do my values and ideals will will always be present. Thanks.

            • Lea says

              Sugar,
              Values and what you do are correlated. Your preference for foreigners may, but not necessarily, be affected with your values. For me, it is just that, preference. Some people may say otherwise. What you’re not getting though is – some of us here just disagree the reasoning about your preference. We’re not saying you don’t have good (Filipino) values. If I’m not mistaken, your parents may even brought you up with values of respecting and loving other people regardless of their economic status, color of their skin or level of intelligence. You’re entitled to your opinion, so do we that disagree with you.

          • louie says

            P.S., just to let it clear that the said comparison was only meant for those some you mentioned adventurous Filipinas you met somewhere, and not the upright Filipinas (American women too)which sure knows no other man than their husband or bf.

  31. dans says

    sugar,

    Intelligence does not necessarily comes with wisdom, as you grow old wisdom is always part of it but not intelligence, you might find people with great wisdom but no intelligence, and you will find young intelligent people but no wisdom at all.

  32. Roberto says

    Hi Sugar: Interesting post, but your preference or opinion is yours to have and to hold, something that cannot be legislated against or denied you, because like bodily orifices, everybody has one. Best wishes.

  33. rebecca Ferry says

    Sugar,
    I’m not really sure if finding a partner is just a personal choice or not, i think for me it’s more of a destiny but i respect your opinion at least you know what you want. I have also some preference( color and race has nothing to do w/ it) when it comes to a guy but no one knows who will become our soulmate right?So goodluck to you!!!!

  34. David L Smith says

    RESPECT….or lack of it on this board is appalling. It seems when ever a topic comes up regarding affairs of the heart the todds and others of this world will jump in and take the opportunity to slag the local women. Im married to a filipina so i dont know about some of you other guys but i take offence to putting our girls down in this fashion. While im all for freedom of speech, the key here is that these guys are not in their own country and dont have the right to put crap on the local woman and men here. I bet if a pinoy went on to an american forum and started to slag of the american women he would soon be told to shut his mouth, they would certainly be told where to go if they jumped on to australian forums and critisized local girls.I have really enjoyed reading some of the articles on LIP, but im so sick of seeing this negative crap put out by guys with warped senses of reality that im ready to take a break and give this place a miss. We all know that as in other counties that there are good and not so good women but to generalise so badly that most filipinas are loose, married or not, gold diggers, only after your money etc, etc..is a disgrace and a real put down for the majoritory of women here who are good women who are only interested in loving one man and building a family with him.

    • ian says

      David l Smith- while I do not agree with everything that Todd said, you are certainly accusing him of things that he most certainly did NOT say, and at least Todd has enough respect for filipinas not to refer to them as ” our girls” as you do !
      ” putting our girls down” shows a complete lack of respect for all filipina women ! – which is exactly what you accuse Todd of !

      • David L Smith says

        Ian
        Before you go accusing me of anything my referance to phil women being accused of gold digging and only after your money was not aimed at Todd but to many other ex-pats that have made those comments on this forum in the past. If you were to read my comments correctly i mentioned im so sick of reading this crap put out by GUYS with a warped sense of reality.Second point..I am married to my girl and she calls me her guy…so how you can see that as a complete lack of respect for all filipina women beats me…kindly stop nit picking mate. If i am guilty of offending other filipina ladies by using the term our girls then Im truly sorry and apologise for this as i am only using the term in context to my own relationship with my wife.

        • David L Smith says

          Ian
          What term what would you prefer me to use if not ” our girls”…maybe our wives, our ladies, our partners, our better halfs…always willing to learn so im politically correct mate.

          • Paul Thompson says

            David;
            The term “Our Girl’s”, relating to the ladies we married and love, works just fine for me. Someone who’s always politically corect, is more of a parrot than a person with his own opinion.
            David, I’ll never be politically corect, or would I want to be. I’m agreeing with what you wrote! Please don’t give Lip a miss, then no one would read my articles. (lol)

            • David L Smith says

              Hi Paul
              Thanks for your support. I spent a couple of hours on skype chatting with the boss last night and i related this article to her, at first she took offence but after digesting it all her comment was yes its not nice for foreigners to think of us like this but the importent thing here hubby is how you think of us . She also said if i enjoy LIP then continue to paticipate and just ignore the schmucks, lol..she is younger but already wiser then me i think….and yes as regular reader of your(and enjoy them) articles, how could i leave and send your ratings down, pretty selfish of me to ponder the thought, lol

              • Paul Thompson says

                David;
                Thank you for changing your mind. These type of articles seem to get some people excited, and instead of having an opion they lash out. I understood what Sugar was trying to say. If she had said she liked imported cars over owner jeeps, the discussion would have been the same. She wants what she wants and it none of my business. Enjoy your day, David!

          • Susan says

            Hi David L Smith,
            At least you don’t call your wife mummy or your wife calls you daddy, ha ha ha….(sick) like the locals. It makes me think what kind of fantasy they playing? My husband calls me “The Boss”. I like your comments, at least you don’t trod on anyone’s foot and you gave honest opinions. Thank god you are not giving up on this site, some people are just plain nasty.

            Cheers mate!

            • David L Smith says

              Hi Susan
              Thank you so much for your kind comments…funny thing is that i also call my wife “The Boss ” in jest. Another thing is she will only call me David when she is cross with me so when i hear her sing out “David i want to speak to you”. Its panic stations as the mind is thinking uh uh what have i done now, lol

              • Biz Doc says

                hi david,

                that practically puts you in the same league as pinoy husbands who call their spouses behind their backs as the ‘kumander’ hehe ” )

                i have no doubt that when i get married, i will do the same!

                cheers,

              • Susan says

                Hi David,
                No worries mate. I call my husband darling, if I call him Maurice, he knows that he upset me somehow and not a happy camper. lol

                Cheers

  35. louie says

    Hi David, I agree with you on this. Of course I take offense on what he had say about our Filipinas. Actually I had written not so civilized comments about it, but I realized not all people here on LiP is like him, so I mellow down my strong worded comments. And what’s the use of fighting if he still couldn’t’ understand the difference in what we’ve been trying to explain. It’s the guy like you who are happily married and which I often see here who understands Filipinas better that matters.

  36. says

    I don’t want to engage in saying filipino men are better than foreigner men, because obviously that didn’t sit well in this article… hehehe

    But I do certainly like being married to a foreigner, if only because I feel like I am constantly encouraged to be better in what I do (in my career) without feeling like I am stepping on their “machismo”.

    I have once dated (in law school) a classmate who belonged to an honor society in school. He was very smart and he went on to become a successful lawyer. But when we dated he made me feel like he didn’t like my being “at par” with him.

    The same with the CPA lawyer (then law school) classmate I dated — he said the problem with me was that I was always better than him.

    I don’t understand what’s wrong with a woman who tries to be excellent even at the risk of “being better” than her man. Is it really so bad?

    Anyway, maybe they didn’t represent the majority of Filipino men. But it makes me wonder.. because majority of my colleagues (filipina lawyers) are still unmarried and very few filipino men seem to want to court them. Just wonder.. and am thinking out loud.

    • says

      erratum: I don’t want to engage in saying foreigner men are better than filipino men, because obviously that didn’t sit well in this article… hehehe

    • Lea says

      Claudette,
      Sorry to hear about those unfortunate relationships. What you experience though does not happen to Pinays only, it happens in the US as well, and maybe other places. But then again, it’s not easy to find Mr. Right, that’s why being an open-minded helps. I bet you know some Pinays as well with supportive successful husbands. At least I know some (trying not to say a lot). ^!^ I happen to know Pinoys who are CPAs and lawyers, and they are supportive of their wives.

  37. ian says

    Claudette- you certainly did not give the impression that foreigner men are better than filipino men. What I did think you were alluding to is that foreign men may be more confident in who they are – and dont see an educated/intelligent filipina as a threat.
    However, i think that very much depends on the particular foreigners that you are dealing with, because many women in western countries have exactly the same problem as you describe- with western men – especially the women with professional degrees.
    I think a part of the cross-cultural problem is because western men [ and women of course!] are raised to be more ambitous, to try to achieve more and to better themselves always- than are their filipino counterparts. Of course women like you are an exception.

  38. Allan Kelly says

    Interesting post! It looks like a lot of people took it personally. I think a lot of the people who commented have forgotten one thing. You are attracted to whom you are attracted to. You cannot control that. It is what it is. I have meet Philipina who will only date Philipinos and some who will not date a Philipino under any circumstances. Do what makes you happy.

    • Lea says

      Allan, you’re right, you’re attracted to whom you are attracted to. However, if you read the article closely and the responses here, the issue is not the author’s preference, but the reasoning behind it. It’s her opinon that she made public. She’s trying to defend her preference by “lightly” putting down Filipino men. It’s ok to compare, but you have to do the pros and cons of both sides, not just pros of the “foreigner” and cons of “Pinoy”. It is expected from an average normal Filipino (with an F) to correct her. She did say that she may be weird, and weird to me is not synonym of normal. I also gave kudos to the “foreigners” that voice their opinions as well. I still wish her the best regardless.

      • sugar says

        Hi Leah – If one read the article, I said “I ‘m shameless and hope I don’t get flak” ( for preferring foreigner more than Filipino) but of course, I knew I would. I wrote the article without any malice or intention of offending Filipinos, Filipino men. In reply to the comment of union jack, I mentioned that all the ” pros of ” foreigners” and the cons of “Pinoy” ( as you put it), I’ve seen also with Filipino men. But I like somebody that is not local. Thank you.

        • Lea says

          Sugar, first off, you expected you’re going to get a hit for this article. You’re a smart woman, no doubt, that’s a calculated risk, and voila! -here you go, by the time this article winds down, you may get approx. 200 comments. Not bad!

          Second, you said you’re “shameless”??? Didn’t I just read somewhere here you said your values are intact? Ok, that’s a joke, I know what you mean.

          Third, whatever you replied to unionjack didn’t change the fact that all you mentioned in your article are pros of foreigners and cons of Pinoy.

          Fourth, we hear you… you don’t like locals… nothing’s wrong with that. However, let’s agree to disagree your reasoning behind why you like foreigners better than local men. In writing this article, you expected our opinions, so here you go – just take it with a grin of salt.

          Just be cool with it, consider it tough love. ^!^

          • sugar says

            Leah. I just write. It’s not about if the post gets comments or not. You and (seems to be all) seem to really think way too low of me. I can’t change that. I know myself anyway. Thanks.

            • Lea says

              Sugar,
              I will not speak for the rest but for myself. Just because I disagree with your logic, didn’t mean I’m putting you down. I think you’re a smart and independent woman and knows what you want. If you’re a younger sister of mine or my niece or a close friend, I will exactly say the same thing. If you still don’t get it, there’s nothing I can do. Still, I wish you well. Sensitivity does not only apply to oneself but towards others as well.

    • sugar says

      Hi Allan – Thank you. He he. I’m still alive. I haven’t been murdered.. just condemned and crucified! ;) well feels like it. He he. In the office they know I like foreigners.. My friends know I’m not into local men.. they’re cool about it. Thanks.

      • Allan Kelly says

        Hi Sugar- Lea says she objects more to your “reasoning” rather than your “preference”. She may have a point, but that just your mind finding reasons for your feelings.Well, you will never make everyone happy. Such is life. Don’t let them get you down.

        • Lea says

          Allan, as they say – Who said life is fair? I don’t think it will let her down. She’s an independent woman, in fact, it will make her stronger. Hope she’s absorbing all these free advice. Heck, in the US, that will cost you money. ^!^

          • Clay says

            Sugar,
            Hi , for the past 20 months I have been supporting a Filipina by my choice 100% a female in Cagayan De Oro City..shes a single child…age 21
            She was one of 5 women I had narrowed down a 18 month search from hundreds to.. 5

            YES I said 5..and I gave them all each others phone numbers.
            Brave, bold or dumb? I did it and they did talk to one another..
            What was the point? I donbt know..I just did it..and through it all, I found My cagayan Sweety was the most gracious and remained pleasant through it all.

            Anyways,
            I said I wanted 5 wives to each woman..and each laughed and thought it was ok..in fantasy I suppose..however as time wore on…all the older women…30, 43, 48, 51, all seem to have more of lifes baggage … all have remained friendly with me.
            One married and we no longer are in touch.. The others sometimes email…and or call to say hello..

            My Cagayan Sweety and I laugh about straight noses.
            Sugar, is that why you prefer foreign men?
            ok time to reveal the real reason..Psst I think you are alright, I Love your energy in your writing.

            I continue to support my Cagayan Sweety and we have Vonage and we talk every day.. I sent her a vonage modem box from here and it has my area code..when she calls me its through her computer and when I get the call its a local prefix..

            Better than magic jack…Others with Magic Jack seem to have more distorted static..Maybe their internet connection is slow..

            I dont know…but that is how we communicate..using vonage..its about $33 with tax and in Cagayan the internet is lik4 35-$40 so for unlimited calling..its about
            $75 a month…besides she can use the internet to read news…receive and send me emails.

            So Sugar..what about the straight noses? any comments?
            Clay

  39. Bryan G says

    Some very surprising posts – one thing I found that as a the wife of a foreigner often it was assumed by Filipinos that my wife was an ex hooker or bar girl or that I had another wife back in my own country. This at first made me extremely angry but after a while I would just correct the individual as otherwise I would have lost my cool on a daily basis. Filipinos do not seem to have a good opinion of each other – especially between the sexes.

    • sugar says

      Hi Bryan – I know what you mean. There is a perception that if Filipino women likes to be with a foreigners that it’s because they can get out of poverty or they can go to the US or something like that. And the annoying part is that it’s also Filipinos who thinks like that. When I was living with my ex bf here, we go out they’d stare at us and people think I’m “easy” even when I hardly look , act and don’t dress like one. Oh well. I just laugh it off.

      • dans says

        sugar,

        when you said “And the annoying part is that it’s also Filipinos who thinks like that” – is that referring to *ALL* or *SOME* or *MOST* or *SEVERAL* Filipinos? – I can tell you right now, when i see foreigner/Filipino couples, I don’t have that kind of thinking because it is common for me to see them and I am not going to assume anything about their relationship, intimacy in public or the reason why they are together.

        for fudge’s sake, stop generalizing all Filipinos!

      • Biz Doc says

        hi sugar,

        contrasting what you said here with your reply to rebecca’s feedback to you :

        Rebecca Ferry says:
        April 12, 2011 at 6:19 pm
        Sugar,
        I’m not really sure if finding a partner is just a personal choice or not, i think for me it’s more of a destiny but i respect your opinion at least you know what you want. I have also some preference( color and race has nothing to do w/ it) when it comes to a guy but no one knows who will become our soulmate right?So goodluck to you!!!!

        REPLY
        sugar says:
        April 14, 2011 at 12:06 am
        Hi Rebecca – Thank you. I see a dream house in your destiny! ^_^

        — how come you relate the concept of soulmate with something as completely material as “a dream house” ?

        no wonder other people see what you can’t on what your preference is founded upon.

        think it over.

        cheers,

        • dans says

          biz doc,

          maybe when she sees a couple walking on public , she only sees what “dream house” the girl might get from her partner?

        • rebecca Ferry says

          Hi! Biz doc,
          When i saw Sugar’s reply i feel insulted and decided to just ignored it although i can’t help but wonder what’s a dreamhouse got to do w/ a destiny, anyway i hint something in her comments but decided to stop right here …..

          • Biz Doc says

            hi rebecca & dans,

            her reply being, “…There is a perception that if Filipino women likes to be with a foreigners that it’s because they can get out of poverty or they can go to the US or something like that…”– that just shows where she’s coming from.

            like i said elsewhere in LiPh before, shared values & congruent goals are what makes relationships last. a roof over one’s head is a common enough goal for many couples, but i do know that goal alone is a poor foundation for any relationship.

            i’m sure sugar has other ideas.

            cheers,

          • sugar says

            Rebecca -I’m so sorry you took my comment the wrong way. You said something about destiny, and I agree too. I wanted to let you know that you can also have you dream house, (I remember you mentioning it that through a comment through previous post of mine) and I meant, because you work hard you deserve to have the dream house and it’s in your destiny because of your hard work! That’s what I meant. I even had the smiley at the end of the sentence.

            I’m sad you took it the wrong. Anyhow, I’m sorry.

            • rebecca Ferry says

              It’s ok Sugar sorry for that i didn’t noticed the smiley let’s not take it seriously ok,don’t worry i have nothing against you so whatever makes you happy go for it……

      • Susan says

        Hi Sugar/Bryan G,
        My husband calls it jealousy, specially when they see a good looking Filipina with a foreigner. Good posting mate, there are fair bit of “WOFT’S here, (waste of f*(%!#@ time)
        You like your milk and I like my coffee, the way I like my men, “white and strong with a teaspoon of sugar” (not sweet because it can be sickly).

        Cheers mate!

  40. Dan says

    Sugar I liked your post…and for me..I think you have the right to like what you like and also say so, and you did..good for you…as far as a lot of the comments trying to trash you or get to you…just let them bounce off and smile and be happy, after all its your thoughts and and what you like and want that is most important to you as a person.

    • sugar says

      Hi Dan – Thanks for the support. I know they just want to speak and let me know what they think.. but some are hurtful. It’s okay though. I know it’s not personal. I hope.

  41. Clay says

    Sugar, I think you are pretty easy to understand
    The Filipino woman for me..is my number one preference of all the nationalities I have known .
    Why? theres a certain amount of humility it seems to me..a charm and a submissive ( very admirable quality) a willingness on a filipinas part to allow a man to lead as a man…I suppose so long as he leads with kindness and laughs alot and is not boisterous or..mean spirited..
    Hazel my Cayayan sweety…is young.. but shes not into the BAR or Night club scene.

    She stays home alot…reads..shops…helps her landlady even with shopping..
    YEP you heard that right..
    or read it.. Her landlady comes over and brings food, invites hazel to bible studies..etc..
    In fact recently invited HAZEL to go vacation with her and her husband ..

    I told Hazel she has a new set of grand parents now..They have Hazel run around and pay their utilities when out of town and give her their car to use ..

    A Good Filipina is worth her weight ..well not even gold and jewels can meet her worth…

    So..Sugar, if you like Foreignors…make sure you end up with one..who is a blessing to you…some people are like that…they bless whoever they come in contact with…
    Maybe you can find yourself a single child foreignor..who doesnt have any mother of father..and no brothers or sisters.

    that way no one really for you to have to deal with besides him..
    Clay

    P/S Hazel is a single child.no sister, brothers, mother or father… her grand parents raised her.

  42. says

    Hi Sugar, Wow a great point of view and lots of responses. Kudos on voicing your thoughts! I would like your opinion on a side issue related to your story. I am a 50 year old foreign man living in Cebu with my 25 year old Filipina. One issue that hampers are relationship is other Filipinas staring at my girl friend. I dont know if you encounter this in your relationship but any advise would be welcome. My girlfriend feels very offended when other girls stare at her head to toe when we are together in public.

    • sugar says

      Hi Mark – It must be the age difference. Or They’re shy they just stare.. which is rude. But if people stare just best to ignore it. It happened to me too. Sometimes people would whisper. Especially when we were at the malls. I think maybe it’s because I was with somebody not local they find it fascinating. I really don’t know.I just ignore it people that stare. Sometimes I’d stare back.. then just laugh. My advise just ignore and don’t let it affect your or her. Thanks.

  43. David L Smith says

    Hi Sugar
    On a lighter note a girl at work told me this the other day

    Q: What does every woman call an intelligent, attractive, caring, loving and sensitive man?
    A: A dream.

    she made me laugh, but i also asked her what was her preferance, a local or foreigner, older or younger, and she replied it doesnt matter so long as he has the above attributes

    • sugar says

      Hi David – That’s good. But the line from a song says.. ‘a dream is a wish your heart makes…’ and your head decides? He he. Thanks David.

  44. roy says

    Call me shameless but I insist that I like foreigners. I see myself marrying one. I even lived with one. I liked it (the live-in part) even if it appears to be not part of Filipino “values”, whatever that means.
    Ok, I like foreigners for the following reasons. 1. I find them so smart. I feel like I could talk to them-in english without being corrected. Some men I will not say which nationality tend to correct my english.; 2. Marrying a foreigner and eventually carry their babies will improve my race. I don’t have to explain on this one ;-) ; and finally, foreigners are generous. Or at least they appear to be generous even the dollar exchange is in all time low.
    For those reasons alone, I believe with ever fiber of my Filipina hood that I’d be happier with a “foreigner”.

      • roy says

        Hi Biz Doc, what is the best part? :-) Help me out on this “Gosh, too much of me, myself and I.”–I don’t get it. What I think that could be the “best part” that is often asked is really debatable though. If I included that, the article would suffer the same fate as the article above–the unpleasant task of having to explain your “preferences.”

            • Biz Doc says

              hi roy,

              i had the impression that your comment summed up sugar’s key points, hence the “best part” quoted from the original piece that the summary seemed to lack ” )

              cheers,

              • roy says

                Oh Biz Doc, now it is painfully obvious: I did not read the main post. I saw the title and you can just imagine how I reacted to it. I proceeded to read the responses though bec I had these nagging thoughts of “is it just me” or the title seemed blatantly too direct for my taste. How times must have really changed. It used to be that “foreigners” are the forbidden fruit, at least in pinoy popular culture. Now internet has all these kinds of things.
                So the “best” part pala is a direct quote from the main post. My eyes must have skipped that coz I focused on what’s the post was all about, and its reasons.

              • Biz Doc says

                hi roy,

                in any case your summary did provide a frank recap of sugar’s post, and by now she clearly understands what the fuss is really all about ” )

                this reminds me of a workshop i joined in the late 90s where the facilitators put up posters in the venue that said something like, “No Needs, No Expectations, Just Be”

                looking back, it seems we fellow pinoys reacted the way we did with sugar’s post as if she were a little sister whom we wanted to save from embarrassment. maybe what we really wanted to protect was our (as in we male pinoys) idealized version of the Filipina with her ideal values & ideal character traits, in short, the close-to-perfect Maria Clara.

                on the other hand another pinoy in another pinoy forum online puts it quite succinctly when he said, “what we really want is for our women to be maria claras in public, but maria ozawas in private.”

                when i googled who maria ozawa was, i found myself agreeing with the statement hehe ” )

                cheers,

    • sugar says

      Roy – I guess you’re making fun of me? I’m snot sure. If you are, I don’t think I deserve that and it’s mean. But it’s ok. I take everything in stride.

      If you’re trying to point out something. I get you. I don’t speak good English. I don’t write that well. I’m not articulate like you or everyone else. My grammar is bad. I don’t mind being corrected.

      But then I feel you’re making fun of me and my values just because I lived with my ex bf. You also think that it’s probably the race and me wanting to cute babies. Also, because of dollars. Well, I still have my values and ideals even if I lived with my ex bf. It’s not about having cute babies. And as for the foreigners being generous, the ones I know are generous. Not to me but to the poor people. I’m not rich, nor am I poor. I don’t see and look for dollar signs.

      I want to defend myself. Thanks.

      • dans says

        sugar, roy isn’t making fun of you, he is giving you an example what a “preferences” should be like written in a way what will not hurt any Filipino men.

        • roy says

          Thanks Dans , that’s exactly my point of writing that.

          Sugar,

          I do hope you get it. What I just posted is an example of an article that does not present any argument which is fine, really. After all, who can argue with one’s preference? Everyone agrees here that, that’s yours alone and nobody can take that away from you. The article got in trouble when you gave your reasons that beg for argument, i.e., foreigners MORE cultured, MORE daring, MORE fun, MORE loving etc. That puts you in a position of having to defend your position and consequently, be opened for any attacks. But what I’m saying is not really new. It’s been pointed out by many commentators here. :-(

          That said, I also think that this post could have been delicately handled. On that note though, I wish you well. I hope you’ll have that “foreign-ger” in your life. :-)

  45. Marcos says

    Mr dans and Co!
    Why are you putting Sugar down?Dont tell me you are
    jealous? She is just attracted to foreign guys, please accept it!
    MANY pinoys, not ALL, are quite boring and dont know much about
    the world, thats my experience and my opinion. You should be ashamed
    treating her like this. Walang ulaw.

    • Biz Doc says

      hi marcos,

      apparently dans and the rest have no issue with sugar’s preference for foreign guys, but with the reasoning / logic / basis underlying her preference.

      we’re all discussing her writeup to death based on its merits, and if certain stereotypes are being observed to bleed through the patina of how sugar paints it, they shouldn’t be faulted for noticing and verbalizing what they all can see.

      cheers,

    • dans says

      Marcos:

      me jealous? hmm.. let me see… married for 9 years with one daughter, wife is a filipina med doctor, been to 18 countries and currently living abroad with the family, tasted the best wine in Cyprus, Germany,France and Italy, eaten the most exotic food of africa, trekked some mountain of some SEA countries, walked the great wall of china, baked ourselves in the scorching hot desert of Giza, seen the parthenon and awed about it. – geez I don’t know what to be jealous about.

      walang ulaw? hmm… is putting down filipino men isn’t? who do you think should be ashamed first? I care less if she wants to marry an orangutan or a bonobo, one thing is for certain, not all filipinos is like the way she described.

  46. Rey says

    Well, best of luck on your quest getting a foreigner man Sugar. Let’s just hope good fortune is on your side as there are also like-minded filipinas who got disillusioned when they finally live through it.

    I have a filipina friend who’s intent was marrying a brit man that i keep teasing her she will eventually fall to an indian british citizen with her thinking and after 3 years she did got married to a German dude she met online. She’s happy now as far as i can tell but there are some i know personally who weren’t like a cousin of mine who eventually divorced her hubby after 10 years and then in time got married to a filipino in the US.

  47. sugar says

    Hi Rey – Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Most Filipino women would pick Filipino men. That is the norm. I suppose. I’m different.. and weird and all that… I suppose. :)

    • dans says

      sugar,

      you are not any different from a girl in Zimbabwe or a girl from India or some women around the world who shares the same preferences as yours, you are just an ordinary girl who have a different preferences from a common pinay. I don’t consider you as “weird” as there is no weirdness when choosing a partner for life, However, What I do considered “weird” is a girl sitting in front of the aracibo radio telescope and waiting for a signal from outer space waiting for an alien contact so that she can marry an alien. – now – that is weird!

  48. tony says

    Hi Sugar
    I don’t really believe this was meant to be a serious article other than to cause controversy, so you got what you wanted with over 200 responses. If you really wanted to post an article saying how you prefer foreigners over locals, no-one would have really argued against your post, but I suppose you wouldn’t have got many responses either. You have the making of a good journalist using sensationalising techniques such as stereotyping and taking pot shots at the locals to spice up an otherwise bland article.

    Just my two pence worth.

    • sugar says

      Tony, this I will defend! You and another reader have almost the same comment. Of all that’s been said it’s the most hurtful to me! I wrote the piece from my heart and my head and what I know of. It’s not about to cause controversy. It’s not about getting hits, comments.. Why would I need to that? I don’t care if people leave a comment or not or respond to what I post. If somebody appreciates and read and learn, thank you. If none do so, thanks too. Nobody is forced to read the article. I really just want to share.

      I am embarrassed. I just want to share from a local’s point of vie what’s like to live here and how beautiful the Philippines and just anything to do with Filipinos. I like to write and share things. I shared too much which probably didn’t have anything to do with living in the Philippines and for that I’m very sorry everyone to the regular readers, to the expats.

      • says

        Sugar – you should not feel embarrassed. You wrote based on your feelings, nothing more. Some people took offense, but hey, that should not be a concern to you because you were being honest. I have seen so many western fellows talking about how they prefer Filipinas, and bad mouthing western women, I see no difference here.

        Don’t worry, sugar.. blow it off.

    • dans says

      tony,

      I don’t think the article was meant to stir controversy at least not for me. My personal impression of the article is, the author is so callow and shallow, re-phrasing carl sagan . “shallow reasoning require shallow mind.” :)

      • Roselyn says

        Dans: You are entitled to your opinions. However, you should write an article in LIP so that we can see your viewpoints. You’ve attacked the author here. Let’s see how deep your reasoning is and how deep is your mind.

    • Dan says

      Tony..I do not think Sugar made her post to see how many hits or comments it could get or to see how many people she could creat controversy with. I think she really shared how she felt and that is what she wrote about. It could be that those that left their put downs comments and made fun of her are the ones that have a problem.

  49. Gary says

    In the Red corner, Suger and the foreigners (Western male LIPpers). In the Blue corner, Pinoys (atypical Filipino LIPpers).

    I see both points of view. I admire that the rips haven’t been overly personal, of course we all take it personally when being ripped.

    In the infamous words or Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along?”

    • sugar says

      Hi Gary- Well, I’m tough. I can handle things. Many said it’s not personal anyway, that’s what they said. So ok. Anyway, the saying goes like if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen.. or the Philippines. He he. It’s hot. I can take the heat. :)

      • Gary says

        Sugar, there are some personal shots, but what can you do? Keep you chin up, I hope to see you continue to contribute to LIP. I stronly agree with what Bob said above.

        This is a very special week coming up – I wish you and everyone a very blessed Holy Week.

  50. David L Smith says

    hey Sugar
    While not agreeing with parts of your article i do respect that your an honest writer and probably wear your heart on your sleeve. Your article has been out there getting dissected for analyse for over a week now and many have shown offence to what was said. But i do believe if you have made mistakes they are honest ones, and probably because of your youth. As many wise people who have had more life experiences have already pointed out, that when it comes to falling in love you can throw preferances out of the door because your heart will decide who is the one that you want. It is not your heart telling you now that you prefer foreigners those thoughts are initiated by the calculating mind, so i would not be surprised in the least if a local swept you of your feet one day, hahaha…and im sure of one thing Sugar, that if that happened you would be honest enough to tell us you got it wrong…but anyway i hope all your dreams are realised.

  51. Roselyn says

    Hi Sugar: You are to be commended for sharing your thoughts in your article. Please continue to write from your own experiences and your heart. I enjoy your articles. I may or not agree with you all the time, but I truly find your articles to be informative.

  52. Liz says

    Hi Sugar,

    I may not agree on your article but I’d like to say Happy Holyweek to you! And I agree with David L above…..:)

    Liz

  53. Gary Wigle says

    Wow Sugar, I sure think you are one honest lady. I think many people missed the part that the local men that you meet are married. Stay true to yourself Sugar. KEEP writing!! I can’t wait until the next article. I might not comment on each one but I sure do read them.

    :-)

    73,
    Gary in Tagum City

    • sugar says

      Hi Joe – What money? I like foreigners because of money? Yikes! I’m not rich by any means, but I live comfortably.. because I work hard and earn my living.

  54. Craig says

    Hi Sugar….and everyone else in here!

    Not too sure how I came to this blog site, but it is fascinating to read. I was simply trying to find out more about Panabo City before visiting sometime. Had to laugh at your “foreigner” addiction though, as it seems focused upon the Americans! Hey Sugar, meet up with an Aussie guy and you will never fuss over the yanks ever again. Well, maybe not all of them (depends upon the original heritage….but if they come from original convict stock, they are real men), humour (it’s how we spell it!), strength of character, physical build, integrity, honesty, we even help out our mates (we kind of owe the yanks that!)…it’s all there.
    Anyway, get an Aussie guy! then you will have something to write about. x

    • sugar says

      Hey Craig – Mate, you Aussie? Ha ha. Well, if you’re searching anything to do with living (or in this case visiting) the Philippines, this site is the best. Anyway I like like all kinds of men. :)

  55. robjohns says

    Very interesting article and even more interesting responses. I am an American and have never been to the Philippines but have traveled the world some and have met many Filipinos on my travels (Hong Kong, Saudi Arabia, Europe, just to name a few places). I’ve even had relationships with Filipinas both in the US and overseas (Hong Kong specifically). Here are my observations:

    1. Filipinos both men and women are hard workers overseas. As far as “hired help” they rate at the top of the pecking order in Saudi Arabia because not only are they good workers but they are usually educated and very intelligent (other workers in Saudi are often from Sri Lanka, Pakistan, Yemen etc.). One Filipino who worked for my father in Saudi became a very close friend of the family and we had a lot of respect for him… he was/is an excellent man and would be in any culture. Unfortunately all foreign workers are treated poorly in Saudi Arabia and I would discourage any Filipino’s from seeking work there (especially women as you will become a virtual “slave” and be subjected to horrible things). In Hong Kong they are also known to be excellent workers and are preferred over many other nationalities. The women in Hong Kong don’t get treated as well as they should but it’s at least a little better than in Saudi. They work you very hard and the Chinese are not very kind masters IMHO… but at least you are not a “Slave” as you would be considered in Saudi.

    2. The Filipina I was involved with in Hong Kong was an amazing woman. One of the most beautiful and smart women I have known… but also very desperate for a better life… one that she really did deserve. Sometimes where you are born or live really does determine what you can do in life (unless you are lucky). I asked her one time why she left the Philippines and liked western men. She told me there was very little opportunity for her in the Philippines and that all Filipino men were lazy and just sat around most of the day. Of course she meant the ones who stayed in the Philippines because obviously the ones who left are very hard workers and excellent men as far as I have experienced.

    3. American men and Asian women are looking for each other IMHO due to cultural reasons. American women have been spoiled and don’t want to respect men as “men”. They have been taught through school and the media to constantly “hen peck” and even hate men for being who they are. Most American women think the only difference between a man and a woman is that one has a sexual organ on the outside and the other the same thing just turned inside. Of course that is not true as there are lots of other differences between men and women physically, emotionally, and mentally. American (or other western) men really want a woman who is a “real woman” and will accept and treat him like a “real man”. Not something to constantly compete against. Asian women (including Filipinas of course) are attracted to American/Western men for similar cultural reasons (although I can only really say I have experience dating Filipina, Japanese, and Korean women). Many Asian men (not all) tend to be somewhat “old school” in the way they treat women. Even though I would be considered “old school” (aka patriarchal by American feminists) I am much more modern in the way I treat women than most Asian men I know. The best way to describe this is I treat them more as a “partner” rather than a “possession”. Now that is not to say that “all” Asian men treat their woman badly because I know that is not true… I have Asian male friends who are very kind and nurturing to women but that’s not usually what I find overseas in country… that’s more Asian men in America. Specifically about Filipino men the one who was good friends of my family in Saudi I know any woman would be happy to have him (well maybe except all these western feminists) and he was also a good father… but he didn’t live in the Philippines.

    4. Opportunity. This is an important thing for Asian women wanting to meet western men. Truth is most anyone from a developing country would love to get into the first world. They love their country, family, and people but once you have watched enough TV to see how people live in the west it’s hard to not want that kind of life. Americans and other Westerners who have not traveled a lot don’t really fully understand this. It’s a rough world out there and we have been very blessed in the west with a relatively easy life. Thats not to say everyone loves our “culture” but the lifestyle and opportunity that we have is something very special.

    OK to sum up this very long post:

    It’s opportunity and culture that have a lot to do with Asian women and Western men. Places like the Philippines are super but for many women who don’t leave the country their choices for men are somewhat limited because many of the best ones are overseas working… or as Sugar points out “married”. So because of this I don’t think Filipino men reading her post should take it too hard because I think ultimately I think Sugar WOULD be happy to have one of the excellent Filipino men who I have met overseas… they just are not available to her. That being said I know if I were a Filipino man reading her story I would probably be upset too… but really I think it’s just the way it was written rather than what she really meant. Sorry for such a long story and good luck to you all!

    • sugar says

      Hi Robjohns – Thanks for reading. Your points are well taken. Filipinos are hardworking. The Filipinos OFW are mostly educated ones.The work hard to earn living. It is sad though to see some of them being poorly treated. There are tons of opportunities here. Still, I think people prefer to go abroad and have that higher salary that can help them provide better life for their families. It’s nice to know you’ve meed many a good Filipinos out there.

      But to sum it all too. I still, don’t see myself ending up with Filipino. Just not my type.

  56. Kevin says

    Wow. I’m a Filipino guy and based on what i have read. it sounds like we are the most unluckiest, unromantic, not-dependable, most boring, not to physically attracting race of men that are not worth marrying/loving by any women of all races. and it shock me that this thought came to a fellow Filipina but its alright. it your choice in life and we had nothing to do with it. do what you think is better for your self and your life and i hope you find true happiness.
    And i want to say this to all American men who is planning to have relationship with Filipinas. if you finally found one treat them well, love them to the purest for you guys are lucky that Filipinas loves you more than us :D

  57. says

    I have lived in the US all my life as a natural citizen. In July I plan to move to the Cebu area. I have known my girlfriend (Filipina) for two years now and we have a great relationship.

    Almost every week, either a foreigner or Filipino is asking my girlfriend for a date. I am used to this since my last wife was also a very beautiful woman, it “comes with the territory” as we say, so I don’t get jealous about it. But when I ask her, “Why would you choose to love me, when these handsome, wealthy or important Filipino lawyers and foreigners are all wanting your attention?”

    She gave a very similar answer that you did. That she finds I treat her with more respect as a person. We have great conversation, learning from each other. She enjoys learning of the experiences I consider ‘normal’ but to her are foreign and interesting facts and stories about my culture. (I feel the same way about her life’s story.) While I don’t consider myself ‘daring’.. I have done skydiving, solo-camping, business ventures, some travel and am a very independent thinker with very clear opinions on various issues.

    So, here in my country.. I’m kind of boring, almost invisible. I have lots of “female friends” who are wonderful women.. but they are all looking for the suave, foreign man that is tall, dark and handsome. Foreign men do great here, women just melt over them if they’re even half-way decent looking and have some basic manners. And I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with that as an ‘initial’ attraction. Just so long as there is real love that grows from it.

    • sugar says

      Hi Henry – good luck on your move to Cebu. its a really great city! as for your girlfriend choosing you over some wealthy Filipino lawyers, you lucky dude! it’s her a choice and , dare I say made a good good one? Respect is important and she got that from you… plus love! never lose that! :)

    • sugar says

      Hi Henry – Good luck on your move to Cebu, I’m sure you love the city! as to your girlfriend choosing you over some ‘wealthy important lawyers’, well, you lucky dude. Respect is important and something you mentioned she probably didn’t get from from other (local) men, plus love too so.. so don’t lose that and keep the love burning.

  58. says

    As a side-note.. many American women here have the complaint that men here are NOT conversational enough, not helpers around the house, not adventurous enough. So perhaps what it is is that the truly ‘adventurous’ men LEAVE the US and end up on the other side of the world. ha! And as someone mentioned, when in a strange land.. try to be on your best behavior as possible always helps.

    And of the ‘good men’ that are available, they are either quickly taken by smart women who know a good man when they see one.. or are ignored by the majority of women who are looking for excitement over character. Just some thoughts.

    • sugar says

      Henry, I guess if one can’t find the right man or woman that interests then try and look somewhere else.. as long as respect and the sincerity of feeling is there. Ugh why is my answer sounds corny.. he he Thanks for sharing your your thoughts.

  59. sugar says

    Henry, perhaps in some ways it’s the same here, that locals don’t really any excitement with the men here. He he.

  60. nirmala says

    hi sugar,
    i have had a love marriage though with an indian like i am. but he is from the north of india and me from the south. i was always attracted to north indian men since they are fair and tall and he always liked south girls since they have dusky complexions and almond eyes.
    god has made humans such that they always get attracted to total opposites. it facilitates inter religion, caste , creed marriages which is vital for the human species to evolve.
    i always thought that foreigners were cute and they thought i was beautiful . they didnt like girls in their own country.and men in my country that i was a plain girl next door and liked foreign girls
    when you make a choice, let it be a person who loves and respects your wishes and desires and dreams and dont bother abt looks. really !
    i am lucky but i have seen relationships go way rotten.

  61. Luis says

    I’m a Filipino Male, originally from Paranque.

    I currently live in the United States. I have also traveled to China and Indonesia in the past and lived for many years in the Philippines. I can tell you this, you will find ignorant people everywhere, not just the Philippines. If you think you cannot relate to your Filipino coworkers, its the same situation here in the United States. I don’t relate to my coworkers either. The vast majority of people here have never been abroad and have a very narrow view of the world. Also, Americans are generally a disconnected people. The inherent individualism here in the U.S. has made many people self absorbed and disconnected. I don’t even talk to most people in my office. As kikas_head said only 30% of American citizens have Passports and can go overseas. That being said, those that have never traveled (the majority of them I might add) have a very narrow viewpoint of the world. If you think that Filipino men talk only about basketball I know Americans who only talk about Football and Nascar. So therefore your stereotype about foreign men being more helpful, more easy going and more conversant is simply not true. It depends on the individual.

    I also am aware that not everyone here in the US is like that and have met many who do have a sense of community, are helpful and very friendly.

    Currently I am seeing a Vietnamese woman and am very happy with her. I dated Filipinas for most of my life and have many Filipina ex girlfriends. I could probably write an equally provocative and offensive article on how Filipina women are shallow, gossipy, religiously bigoted, petty, social climbers and how I prefer other Asian women to Filipinas. However, I know that not all Filipina women are like that and that many are compassionate, loving, caring, devoted and loyal. Furthermore, I have a mother, she is Filipina and is a wonderful person, and am thankful that she could provide an alternative example how Filipina women ought to be as opposed to how some are. Writing an article like that would be unfair to those women in my life. I also know that when I was in the Philippines a lot of the reasons for my failed relationships were simply because I didn’t feel financially secure enough or stable enough to make a real commitment and I was also in a period of life where I was living for the moment and wanted to explore. As I migrated, took on new responsibilities and grew out of that phase I realized where my shortcomings were.

    There are two morals to my response

    (1) No one nationality or group of people has the monopoly on ignorance. I have met many ignorant people in all places I have been to. Furthermore not one group of people is ,more intelligent or more conversant than the other. Wait til you come to the States and see how disconnected many people here are.
    (2) You can choose to constantly blame the other people (Filipino men) for your failed relationships with them. However, the nature of a relationship is shared responsibility. The only person you can really change is yourself not the other person. At some point you will have to examine yourself and see what it is about attitude that you bring that gets you these boring types of Filipino men.

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