Cambridge as an Actual Farm!

In 1990 Ellie moved back to General Santos City from England, I was still employed in Africa at the time so I could only join her during my break periods! Once she had renovated the existing dilapidated house into a livable domicile she moved onto the land so that she could be on top of the construction all the time!

Some of the local people asked her if she would like to continue with the Rice Farm and if so they would assist her, for a price of course so she agreed as the land was doing nothing anyway so she decided to try to make a little extra cash from it! The local Farmers moved in with their Carabao Powered Equipment and started plowing the land, removing the weeds, constructing the Dyke’s, flooding the rice fields and plowing and leveling until they were satisfied that all was good and once they were happy they sewed the rice seed into the prepared fields! It did not take very long for the new rice shoots to break the surface of the water and when they did the color of green was really fantastic, it was a new life green and very satisfying to see!

As the Rice grew there were other thing to do as fertilizer had to be applied to the plants to make them grow healthy and commercial pesticide were added in order to stop the insects from eating the shoots! Weeds were also a problem as they would strangle the plants if they were not removed so periodically we would hire the traveling gang of female weeders who were very hard working and skillful at what they did! They also captured plenty of Rice Frogs as they worked and they would cook them up for their snacks! These Rice Frogs were only small but very delicious!

The only real problem that we had with growing rice came from a very mean Farmer who lived near by, his nick name was Saddam and it was a very suitable name for him! He would cut off our irrigation water and divert it to his own rice fields even if they were over flowing, he had no consideration for anybody else and was not very popular with anyone in the community! His action was a pain in the butt really but we would just keep on sending one man to stand by the irrigation to make sure that he did not dry us out!

Once the rice was fully grown, the irrigation water was stopped and the fields allowed to dry out, this was the cause of the next problem which was totally natural! As the rice dried, swarms of small sparrows arrived in order to get their share of the harvest but this was a problem I was expecting as even back in England I made ready for a bit of farming and purchased a state of the art electronic machine which was guaranteed to keep birds away for an area of 10 Hectares and more but unfortunately no body told the local birds about this, it did not work on them at all so really it was a complete waste of money so we reverted to the local time tested method of getting a gang of kids with tin cans on a strings to scare the birds away! Strangely enough, the stupid bird eliminating machine worked very well on swarms of grasshopper! They never mentioned that in the handbook!

When the rice was dry and ready to harvest it was all hands on deck to get the harvest in before the birds got too much but once it was all in along came a man with the machine towed by his carabao which separated the rice from the stalks! For this service it was a share deal, for every so many cans of Rice or Palai as it is called his share would be one can of rice! I cannot remember the share but it was OK! Once the machine guy and the harvesters each got their share we took our rice to a nearby mill to have the hulls removed and the rice polished, once again the payment for this was a share and at last we could actually see our total share of the harvest which was good for us as we did not have to buy rice for quite some time!

After a couple of harvests of rice we were advised to grow Corn or Maize as its locally known by so once again, in came the Carabao guys to plow the fields, remove any weeds and get the land ready to plant! The planting was done by everyone in order to make it quick so even children followed the men who made holes with sticks for the seeds to be dropped into then the soil was pushed back into the hole with a workers foot to cover the seeds! As the Maize sprouted and was growing, Fertilizer and Pesticides were applied as required and plowing was done in between the rows by Carabao Plow without destroying a single plant! Growing maize was much easier than Rice as it was much less labor intensive and also the water requirements for Maize was much less than Rice!

When it came to harvesting the Maize there was a group of people who specialized in this work and would clear the whole field on a share basis as usual so we did not really have much to do with the harvest except to keep an eye on the people doing the harvest! Once all the heads were gathered in, all the outer leaves were stripped off by hand and the heads and seeds were dried out in the sun! Once dry, the machine guy once again appeared and removed the seeds from the head and again got paid by share! One thing with a Maize Harvest was the fact that you could see your harvest immediately unlike Rice where there was still another step to finishing the final product! Some of the harvest we kept for animal feeds and some for our own use while the rest we sold in the market! The stalks were cut down and taken away by by people to feed their livestock then Cattle and Carabau were put into the fields to clear the stubble a bit more and also do a bit of organic fertilization for free!

The problem in a way for growing both Rice and Maize was that we had to pay people to do every step of the work which reduced our profit quite considerably, also our land was a bit small having only about 1.5 hectares to farm where 4 hectares would have been much better! For a local farming family who does all the work themselves the profits are larger but usually after they have paid off their credit to everyone they are really no better of than we managed!

As this was going on, Ellie was playing with the seeds which we had shipped out in our container from England but this was not too successful! The Tulips and Daffodils we brought out were planted but without a bit of cold weather to activate them they never woke up! The other flowers grew but were not at all like they should have been! Short border type flowers grew about 3 feet high and had tiny flowers and the taller flowers grew normally but again with tiny flowers! Even Roses produced only small flowers! The vegetables fared no better as the local insects had a field day with them so we gave up on the imported seeds and tried the local varieties which grew no problem but unfortunately when ours were ripe for the picking so was the harvest of everyone else in the area so the bottom fell out of the market and there was no profit to be made!

One thing that did grow easily was Aubergine or Egg Plant! Ellie grew a lot of this to feed the workers so we all had Egg Plant fried in egg with breakfast, also for lunch and dinner was an Egg Plant recipe, even at break times many times we had an Egg Plant something or other! After a while of the Egg Plant diet something mysterious happened and many of the mother plants died off, I am sure that the workers contributed to this problem somewhere along the line!

Also on our farm we had a mixture of Animals and Birds: Cows, Carabao, Pigs, Goats, Sheep, Rabbits, Turkeys, Geese, Ducks, Chickens, Fighting Cocks, Bantams plus Dogs and Cats, even a pet Crow! These were mostly to make it look more like a working farm and were not really for profit but many of them made very good eating! Unfortunately, once the Hotel business got going we had to remove most of our livestock as the guests did not appreciate being woken up by the squealing of hungry Pigs or the Fighting Cocks going off at any time of day or night! The Geese used to chase people around the car park and Toto the Billy Goat found great amusement by sneaking up behind people and butting them from behind! I will tell you more about the Cambridge Livestock but that’s another story!

Now we do not attempt any form of farming now as the area was officially changed from Agricultural to Residential and the land we have is now pretty well covered with things like the Hotel, Dive Shop, Pool, Cottages, Car Park while all other areas are covered with Plants and Trees! We do get good Seasonal Fruits as we do have trees and plants which give edible foods like: Mango, Avocado, Jack-Fruit, Papaya, Star Apple, Calabash, Noni, Cami-as both sweet and sour, Malungai, Banana’s, Giobano, Coconuts, Chico, Cashew, Breadfruit, Chillies and of course Aubergine! Please excuse my local spelling of some of these fruits if it is not correct!

All in all we had a good time playing at being farmers but when you have to pay for every aspect then the profits which could be made are cut back considerably but it was fun doing it! I will recommend anyone to try to do a bit of Farming if you have a bit of spare cash but if you have to employ people to do all the work for you then do not expect to make a fortune at it but rest assured, you will have fun!

When to challenge and when not to

I have become very aware that as a guest in this fine  country, that  it can be daunting when to say something in a situation, or just to leave it , as you will only cause more problems for yourself or look a fool when your blood boils over.

I am often told that Filipinos do not like to complain and in the main I believe that to be true, except I think the more money you have the more you see more Filipinos complaining, especially in Manila,  but not so much where I live in Mindanao.

This week I was shopping, and as always I ensure my iPod is strapped to my ear and playing ,as  the checkout procedures can be a little challenging, even with the excellent packers at each till working very hard. The problem is mostly with coupons, method of payments and recording of items on the till and on paper. So I accept it and listen to a few tracks until , eventually its my turn.

This week I went to the “Basket only” checkouts, but as I walked forward a very determined lady pushed her trolley in front of me full to the brim, followed behind by two employees carrying cases of drinks. Remember this is “basket only.”

I just gritted my teeth and ignored it, mainly as no one else said anything and I did not want to be the silly foreigner complaining.

Then my landlady walked up with her basket and immediately said to the cashier, why is this happening, this is a basket only checkout and this lady was holding up many other customers, to which a groan of agreement from the queue supported her words. The cashier just put her head down, but the determined customer said she was in a hurry.  As she said this ,another employee came to the checkout carrying tubs of ice cream to be added to this ladies shopping.

I let out a laug , this led to other customers making “tut tut “noises, not sure if it was at me or the determined shopper, and then my landlady said something in Tagalog and moved to another checkout.

The lady behind me, who was well dressed asked me if my landlady was a nice lady. I of course replied yes and she said she loved her attitude, and wish she could be as strong as her and complain. I was surprised as although everyone supported the complaint, nobody else would initiate the complaint.

I explained that my landlady had spent several years abroad, to which my fellow  shopper said “Oh, that explains it.”

Now, why does no one complain? Is it because the assumption is that the person is powerful,aggressive or is t that complaining in the Filipino culture has never moved things forward, the absolute opposite to the west point of view.

What do you think?

The call that didn’t come

Again, this week, I am sharing my column from SunStar Davao here on LiP.  This article is appearing in SunStar on Friday, November 6, and the same day here on LiP.  Enjoy the article.

Does PLDT know what customer service is?  It would seem that they don’t, based on my recent experience with them.

I earn my living on the Internet.  All of the money that I earn comes through my work on the Internet in one way or another.  Because of that, it is important for me to have a reliable Internet connection.  If I don’t have good Internet, I can’t earn money!

Because of the fact that Internet connectivity is so important to my livelihood, I have multiple Internet accounts.  I recently got a third Internet account, through PLDT, with their MyDSL service.  I had been a MyDSL customer from 2002 until 2008 and had always been very happy with the service, until May of 2008 when they cut off my account three times for no apparent reason.  Every time I would inquire, they would get me hooked back up, but it was a hassle to never know when my service would be off again.  Because of that, I canceled the service at that time.  I got two different Internet connections with different companies when I had the PLDT disconnected.

About a month ago, I decided to give PLDT another try, since I had been happy with them for a number of years, so I got a third connection.  Having backup connections made me feel secure that I would always be online, and if one was interrupted there were still two more backup connections.

Well, the other day, my PLDT connection stopped working again.  I figured that it was just a regular outage and would resume in an hour or two.  By afternoon, though, and still no Internet from PLDT, I was a little concerned, so my wife went to the PLDT office to find out what happened.

The people at PLDT informed my wife that they had disconnected my account.  Hmm.  Why?  My wife assured them that the bill was paid, and we owed nothing on the account.  PLDT informed her that indeed the bill was up to date, and the problem was an account issue with PLDT’s computers!  Because there was a problem in their own computer system, they cut me off!  They even told my wife that there were “a lot of people with the same problem” and they were all very angry about the fact that they had been cut off.

I understand that problems happen, and must be worked out.  Here is what I don’t understand, though.  PLDT is the phone company.  They know my telephone number.  Why didn’t they call me and inform me that they were having a problem and would need to terminate my account (hopefully temporarily)?  Is that not the way customer service is supposed to work?  Inform the customer of what is going on.  But, PLDT, as they always have done, just cut off the account without any notice.  A simple phone call would have been so nice, and as I say, they certainly know my phone number.

All Saints and All Souls Day!

I just got back from GenSan to visit my family. I went there to celebrate All Saints Day and All Souls Day. Its a big holiday here in the Philippines in honor or pay respects for our love ones who passed away. As what I’ve known since childhood that November 1 is All Saints Day in honor for the kids that died. November 2nd All Souls Day in honor for the adult love ones that died. There was no school(semester break) here for the kids for the said event. Most families will go home to the hometown where their love ones were buried. Like me, I have to go to GenSan for it.

I think really nowadays it doesn’t really matter which day you celebrate. A lot of people now celebrate the day that really is best for them. Like us, we have children and adults that passed. We went to the cemetery on the 2nd of November since one of my sibling has something going on in there church on the 1st. Some of my family members went to the graves on the first of November and didn’t come back to visit the next day with us.

I went to GenSan early morning of Monday. I went to the farm first and went to the graves of my grandparents and uncle on my Mom’s side of the family. I didn’t stay there that long because me and my siblings had to go to my parents’ and sister’s grave. We went there at 1pm and stayed for like 5 hours there. We brought some drinks and snacks. My nieces and nephews were there already waiting for us. It was really nice just chatting there and remembering my parents. It was fun seeing some people really having a big party there.

Restaurants like Jollibee, Pizza Hut, Greenwich, Dunkin Donuts and some other good restaurants even put up a temporary place there. It must be a hit for them, they would not come back year after year if its not making good money for them.

There’s even a layman (from Catholic church) who will pray (lead prayer) with the family there. I am not sure how much they are charging though. I didn’t ask my sister about it. I saw a lot of families asking those layman to pray with them in the graves. The cemetery place really caters now to the need of the people there.  I saw lots of police securing the place inside the cemetery and outside which is nice. Also there were ambulances and red cross volunteers there. That’s why people stayed there overnight. I think the maintenance people were not too enthusiastic about cleaning the big mess that was left behind by the people. I saw people just throw away their garbage on the ground. Don’t even look for the garbage can to properly disposed of it. Oh well, pretty normal here.

Some mausoleum owners there even built room for sleeping. They really had big parties there. Those mausoleums are really costly. Some are even like over a million pesos just for the land. It was just fun for us watching the people there having party. Some even brought hammocks and slept on that. Really, in all honesty its really good that people of all ages showed respect to the love ones who passed on ahead of us.

It doesn’t really matter if your rich or poor for as long as you honor your love one on that day, that’s good enough already.  My siblings just wished I brought my kids. It would be something for them to experience for the first time. Hopefully next year they can go and see what really the events for.

Up North: UPDATE

So very much can and does happen in three months time.  Has it been three months already?  Let’s check the calendar and see.  We arrived home in mid-July and November is replacing October on the calendars.

Yes, I guess we have been here for about three and a half months – time for an update on what could and did happen.   There have been dry, sunny days as well as typhoon-induced windy and rainy days.  There have been good days, great days, and days better left to history alone.  

I’ll highlight the better-known (and reported) incidents.  They are, however, just the tip of this tropical iceberg called Live in the Philippines, Up North.

-:-

HEADLINE:  Katulong – Lost and Found!

As you may know, the katulong who had taken care of our house in our absence, greeted us when we arrived, and helped us unpack is no longer in our employ.  She left us for that “higher calling” of love and marriage, and appears to be getting along well in that endeavor.  After what felt like an eternity of searching, we employed a new, part-time katulong.

An Ilocano proverb fits our situation pretty well:  “Ti napíli makapíli ti kuggangí.”  [He who is choosy often picks the worst.]

So far, so good:  our new katulong is learning the ins and outs of the job and of our expectations.  Sure, as with all new employees, there have been a few hiccups.  We solved those with improved communications, explaining the job’s requirements and limits.  You can’t do well if you don’t know what it is you are to do! 

Progress was positive, then what I believe was the inevitable happened.  You see, our katulong is a fisherman’s wife and has lived in poor fishing sitios and puroks all her life.  Not only was she learning how to keep house for us, she was learning how to keep house, period.  (It’s the often-observed result of a culturally pleasing affirmative answer whenever most pinoys/pinays are asked if they can do something.  “Can you do the work of a katulong?”  “Oh, yes!”)  She now says that we “may not be seeing her for a little while.”  (Translation:  “I give up; I’m quitting!”)

So, it will be back to “search mode” for baket ko (asawa ko) [my wife].  She still has some prospects lined up, and I’m still partial to fried Spam & rice, so things will work out.  (A little cuter this time, honey!)

-:-

HEADLINE:  “The ‘BRO” & Internet Connectivity

Another search, this one a little more adventurous, resulted in putting us “on-line” and connecting us with the world via the Internet.  We sought out, found and obtained “broadband” service through SMART Bro.  Though fate stymied my further search for the “Share It” router and its 2Mbyte service, I remain happy with what service I have.  After all, I have “The ‘BRO’s” word that this higher speed service, which has yet to make its way to the smaller municipalities of outlying provinces, will be available next year.  In addition, I’m sure I could say that my current service is faster than “dial-up” if I had landline telephone service for comparison.

Sure, as with all new systems, there have been a few hiccups.  (I’m getting a sense of déjà vu – seems I’ve seen that somewhere before.)  Ever since the seven-day brown-out that accompanied and followed the show-stopping, three-time appearance of Typhoon Peping in early October, my connectivity has been spotty at best.  (Okay, Paul, enough with all of those hyphenated-words . . . now stop that!)  Service finally came to a halt some nights ago.  A call on the SMART Bro Hot Line resulted in the scheduling of a visit by a crack SMART Bro Tech Team on Saturday, same week.  (The little truck appeared at noon.  Manolito, Mo-Mo and Jackie-Boy had returned and they repaired a bad connection to the feed-cable inside the antenna unit.  THANK YOU, SMART Bro.) Coincidently, the LBC courier showed up the day before the “halt” with the SMART Bro bill that is due in two days’ time.  Do I detect an adventure (”turn over the money and will give you back your service”) story here somewhere?

-:-

HEADLINE:  Rainy Season Nixes Movement

Wet weather continues to keep us close to home though, as reported here, we managed to venture out a couple of times.  This past week has been a little drier than most.  What that really means is that the rains start a little later in the day.  Planning trips or outings that will take longer than half a day is not yet possible, as, by the time you know the weather will hold for the day, there isn’t much time left in the day for the outing.

Sure, as with all . . . (insert your favorite “hiccup” déjà vu line here).  A few outings started out dry but ended up with our damp turn around for home.  There are plenty of dry days ahead of us, so those trips and outings (and their resulting articles and reports) will be on the back burner for the not so dry now.

-:-

HEADLINE:  Wee Hour Wee Visitors

It appears that we had another visit from the “small people,” as our nephew refers to them.  I’ll refrain from saying the name “Aeta,” as I’ve since learned that they don’t really enjoy that label (ditto for “Negritos” or “Pugot”).  For lack of their proper tribal name, then, I’ll borrow on our nephew’s diplomacy and refer to them as “small people,” too.  The chronicler for this visit was our Auntie, the mother of the nephew who related the first visit.  Auntie was more forthcoming and timely in her report.

This episode involved only two small individuals for whom all of the neighborhood dogs barked as before (déjà vu for two?).  One of the two peered in through the gate while the other sat and enjoyed a smoke (Auntie believes it was a hand-rolled cigarette, or something of that nature, as this person’s hands were a bit busy prior to the smoke).  They stayed around for the duration of the latter’s moment of pleasure, only to hasten off again when they detected Auntie watchfully eying them.  She described them as short, stout, very dark almost black, very curly short hair, wearing shirts, shorts and slippers, and being very fleet of foot.  Having a longer look at the “small people” than her son had previously, Auntie was able to provide more detail in her descriptions of everything she witnessed.

Where was your humble columnist during this episode, you ask?  As before, here was a chance for a nocturnal, cultural adventure, AND I SLEPT RIGHT THROUGH IT!  Baket ko (Asawa ko) [My wife] now makes sure that any dog barking at night is answered by my sleepy-eyed gaze and investigation.

-:-

HEADLINE:  Three Strikes & You’re Out!

I guess this is the major story of our first three months.  Typhoon Peping took three good strikes at us, and then was out to sea for good.  It was very similar to my going through the same typhoon three times in five day’s time while stationed in Okinawa during the early seventies.  (What is it with all of this déjà vu stuff, anyway?  Am I repeating unlearnt history?)

My “Fascination with Rice” took a new turn.  The beautiful rice crop that was in the paddies took it kind of tough during those three passes.  Early estimated reports of damage were high, but farmers are replacing those estimates with lower ones.  There were three or four different plantings of the rice crop, with the most damage suffered by the youngest crop (last planted).  Its “flowering” is doubtful and it will most likely end up as just straw.

The first planted crop was close to harvest time, so it suffered “field loss” damage – some of the grains were blown off the plant, leaving others still attached a little weaker and prone to drop off “in the field.”  The result will be fewer grains harvested and marketed.

Damage to crops planted between the first and last is extremely hard to compute.  All crops planted were a hybrid version formulated to withstand excess water and storms.  Though some of these crops were “laid down” by the high winds, signs of resurrection are hopeful.  The worries here are just how long will standing water remain in the fields, will the rice grains fill out properly, will disease or pests infect the crop, etc.

No one will really know the total damage until after the final harvest.  Prices at the market for harvested, un-milled rice may go up a little and help offset the losses a little, but profit may still be a big squeeze for the farmers, not to mention the effects of rice availability, etc.

Personally, my “banana crop” loss is approximately 75%.  I lost one entire fruiting tree and half of the fruit of another.  The remaining fruit on the latter is yet to approach harvest time, so who knows what could happen.  The three typhoon passes also eliminated 100% of the eggplant that was almost ready for harvest.  Three of four malunggay trees snapped in half with most of the remaining leaves being lost to the wind as well (good thing we harvested leaves before the storm).  I still have five calamansi fruits on one bush, and a second bush is trying to recover from storm damage.

(Note:  At the time I am drafting this acticle, Typhoon Lupit [Ramil] is threatening to finish up the damage started by Peping, and throw in some of its own for good measure.  We can only hope it decides to wend its way north an miss The Philippines all together.   We’ll find out later this week just what are Lupit’s (Ramil’s) intentions.  You have to love living here and put up with its storms, or else leave.

Further update:  After snaking around the Philippine Sea for a week, it appears that Lupit had made an abrupt turn to the ENE, lost some of its power – being downgraded to Tropical Storm – and is headed for Okinawa and the Ryukyu Islands.  For this storm, waiting seems to be its worst aspect.  While six international weather services have amended their projections for Lupit to coincide with its current movements, they still warn that “the snake” could turn for us again as well as intensify prior to visiting.  That won’t happen as Lupit was last seen skirting up the coast of Japan, having lost a lot of its intensity and dispersing in cooler, northern sea waters as a low pressure area. 

Harvesting rice has become very hard work.  The fields are still flooded from all the rains, the rice plants are all soaked and heavily laden with moisture; and the cutting, carrying, threshing, etc. is more back-breaking than ever.  Reminds me of shovelling “wet” snow is winters past.

Oh yes:  Lupit hasn’t affected the remaining banana crop.  For the “Bananaphiles” out there, eight hands remain, each averaging between 14-16 fingers.)

-:-

That’s the UPDATE from Up North.  All in all, I make a poor farmer and a merely average resident.  I just hope my article writing is a little better.

Araw ng mga Patay

Yesterday, November 1, was Araw ng mga Patay, a major holiday in the Philippines.  Literally translated, Araw ng mga Patay means “Day of the dead.”  Additionally, November 1st is All Saints Day in the Catholic Church, which is all related to Araw ng mga Patay, or Day of the dead.  It is the day when the family members who have passed before us are remembered and honored.  But, Araw ng mga Patay is actually only half of the holiday.  The second day, November 2, is also a holiday.  November 2 is All Souls Day.

Another name for the two days combined celebration is called “Undas.”  In previous years, although I have heard of Undas, I have never heard it widely used, at least in the area where I live.  This year, though, the name “Undas” is widely used.  I am not certain why, or for what reason the name of the celebration seems to have shifted more to being called Undas this year than it has in the past, but I have certainly noticed the shift.  Perhaps others will comment that they have (or have not) noticed such a shift this year as well.

As a westerner, the Undas season is the hardest thing for me to really understand when it comes to Philippine holidays.  While in many ways, Undas is very solemn, in some ways it is also festive!  You are supposed to remember your loved ones who have passed, and spend time at the Cemetery to show your love and honor of those who have died, yet at the Cemetery it is often a party type atmosphere!  People get drunk, dance and party wildly at the graveside!  People bring plenty of food and spirits to enjoy a lively Undas!  I find it very strange, and hard to understand.

For me, I am a Christian, but I believe that we can remember our lost loved ones any time that we choose to, just by thinking of them, or maybe saying a short prayer.  But, here, they go way beyond that during Araw ng mga Patay.  As I said earlier, food and spirits are brought to the cemetery.  And, do you know, a plate of food is even dished up for the dead person, and served at their grave!

Early this morning (Nov. 2), Feyma rode the bus to GenSan to be with her family for the All Soul’s Day part of the celebration.  Feyma and her family (at least the part of the family that I know) have never been into the whole party scene at the graveside.  But, they will just be paying their respects to Papa, Mama and Feyma’s siblings who have already passed.  Feyma will be gone just one day, and return tomorrow.  I planned to attend the event myself, but I still have some lingering effects from Dengue that cause me to get pretty worn out if I over-exert myself, so both Feyma and I decided it would be best for me to remain home this year.  Mostly, Feyma wanted to be there, though, because this is the first year since Mama passed, and she feels it is important to show her respects at this time.  I support her in that too.

Even after living here for a decade, though, I feel that I cannot fully understand Undas, or even grip a small portion of what it is all about.  It seems so different to me, and unlike anything that I experienced in the West.  November 1 and 2, also, are probably either the second or third biggest holidays of the year in the Philippines.  Easter (Holy Week) and Christmas being in the top three as well.  To be honest, among those three holidays, it would be hard for me to classify which of them is most important to Filipinos.  Holy Week and Undas are solemn (with spurts of festivity, as I’ve explained), while Christmas is more cheerful, to say the least.

Early November is certainly an interesting time in the Philippines.

Live Like a King in the Philippines!

OK, you look at the title of this article, and you think “What is this guy selling?” or “What is he smoking?” Truth is, at age 57, I never expected to live like a king. No offense to my peeps back home (and I have no idea what a peep is, except that is the sound these little chicks following their mother hen make around here) back in the States, there is no way I would be living like a king back in America unless I was Bill Gates or one of the Wal-Mart heirs. It just would not be happening. I would still be at my mind-numbing job at the phone company bored to death and watching the clock. But here I am in the Philippines just over a scant three months, and I am already living like a king.

Dave, or Bonehead (take your pick, they are interchangeable in my case), you may ask, how can you make such a bold statement? How can one live like a king in the Philippines? Well, let me first make one distinction. I don’t call myself a king although my Sainted Patient Wife told me last week that I was a KING! Now you guys out there married to a beautiful Filipina like I am, have probably already heard that from your asawa countless times. And you guys reading this living in America married to a wonderful American lady (as I once was during my brief nine and ½ month first marriage over 20 years ago) have NEVER heard it. No offense to you terrific American ladies, and please note I am 7000 miles away living in a python-infested jungle filled with thousands of huge spiders big enough to stop a Mack truck. And with huge bugs swarming around that will knock you out in a heartbeat if one smacks you in the face. And don’t forget the lizards. Don’t get me started on the lizards!

So I stopped to think what my asawa said, which in itself was rare because I usually don’t remember what she tells me unless it pertains to breakfast, lunch, or dinner, or snacks, or she needs some pesos to buy something. I do live like a king here. We support eight people in our household on around 500 USD a month, and we live pretty comfortable. We have a laundry lady we pay 1000 pesos a month, and a maid which we overpay at 2500 pesos a month (but she is my sister-in-law.) The house and property we live on is bought and paid for years ago by my wife when she worked overseas for years in Singapore and Taiwan as an OCW (old school term for Overseas Contract Worker) and now is called OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker.)  Everyone waits on me hand and foot here. I don’t ask for it, they just do it. Even my mother-in-law, The Feared Giant Lizard Killer with the big bolo, likes me. I’ve got it made, and I know it.

Could you live like a king somewhere else? Probably, but let me see, I am surrounded by beautiful tropical beaches and beautiful Filipinas (that I do not stare at when my wife is with me, but you cannot help but notice them), warm temperatures year round, no snow to shovel, no job to go to, friendly people (including my wife), and a lot less stress. Back home in the States I had to help with the laundry, clean my own bathroom, cook my own meals half the time, and go to work. Let me see, United States or the Philippines? Work, or here we go again, live like a king in the Philippines. But wait a minute, my Sainted Patient Wife just walked by, and I told her what I was writing about. She laughs and says to me: “I said you act like a king around here; I didn’t say you are a king.” Shoot! Had her living in America too long! I’ve just been dethroned!

Crossing madness

Having had the “controlled” traffic rules in the UK all my life, it thus was a shock and half when I first cam to Asia and experienced the NO RULES system. My first stop in Bangkok made me realize London was a controlled traffic flow, and even though had its traffic lights and horns blowing all the time it just does not even match the rules of engagement here in the Philippines.

Now there have been many articles on traffic here, but this time I thought I would write it from the pedestrian of non Pinoy decent, that have to learn to do the Olympic games from pole vaulting over cars that come straight at you, to theb  800m hurdles, where you get chased and have to jump over other pedestrians who are slower than you, no tiome to pass the Baton here. Back in the UK we have a Zebra crossing system that if automated stops the  traffic so you can pass over without thinking you are in the FINAL DESTINATION, and here too in the last few weeks a brand new crossing has appeared, but the rules are a mystery to me.

First of all during it being made the traffic just went up on the sidewalk and scattered the pedestrians in all directions, but it was OK as it was overseen by traffic cops, so we were all in safe hands there.

The first morning of the new crossing, a crossing which is always busy with lane hopping cars,bikes and Jeepney all trying to swerve in front of another vehicle, or stop dead in front of another as to enjoy hundreds of brake lights coming on with the noise of horns to follow. Which incidentally everyone ignores the horns as they are going all the time, so are not classed as anything else but normal traffic noise.Anyway back to the first morning, and several traffic cops were ensuring that us pedestrians did NOT cross the road unless we used the new crossing, and that was great I thought, even when I saw some people who disobeyed getting tickets from the police,pedestrians not drivers.

Then I noticed that the cars shot past you even if you were half way through the crossing, and you still had to keep an eye out for a kamikaze driver who was not going to slow down for a crossing. Funny thing is that these drivers were so quick the police were not able to see them but could see the pedestrians dancing on the crossing trying to avoid the metal. The police just kept calling the pedestrians over.

Well day one teething problems I’m sure. Day two  and the Police have gone so its up to the public to deal with this new format without help. Now the pedestrians try hard to put one foot on the crossing followed by second, but by this time the cras are rocking past them and they have to step back waiting for the never going to happen gap in the traffic.Now I was a little angry over this but being a foreigner I had to try and obey the rules so after a long wait, a long long wait I managed to get on the crossing  with the inevitable horns going from the super powered jeepneys hurtling towards me, and through guts and determination I made it to the halfway point. Some astonished locals were looking at me in amazement, why is he using the crossing? Just play chicken like the rest of us.

Nope, I wanted this to work (Not really sure why), but I was in trouble stuck in no mans land,with cars and jeepneys full of wide eyes looking at this stupid man stuck in the middle of the road.

After a few false tries, I just waited and to my utter astonishment the Jeepneys one by one parked ON the crossing to let people get on and off, and others queued behind. People were getting off on the crossing!!
Now I have metal machines and human beings preventing me from crossing, it makes no sense to me at all.

Over the next few days the road is back to normal, and no one uses the crossing and I play the game of Chicken. I just hope my old legs don’t let me down in the future, or I will be up close and personal with a Jeepney.

Of Bellies and Shirts

This short posting is about a serious topic, and everyone reading this should take me absolutely seriously. Well, I am kidding around (So, no offense folks), but this is about something I find most unusual. When you travel around the Philippines, one thing you immediately notice outside of every carinderia, bar, or sari sari store, is the way that the men are dressed. What’s that, you might ask? Why should I notice?

Well, Filipino men have a most unusual habit of walking around with their shirts pulled up over their bellies. Don’t believe me? I’ve seen at least two guys walking around like this wherever there is a group of more than 4 guys standing around drinking beer. Think, “King of the Hill” in the States.  An interesting habit, and one unlikely to catch on outside of the Philippines, and, save for the most redneck parts of America, a mode of dress that I’ve never really seen too much. What am I talking about? Well, here’s a picture of me wearing my shirt in said fashion…. Lock up the kids, avert your eyes if you have a queasy stomach, and get the eye bleach ready… You’ll need it….

>>>>>>

>>>>>>

>>>>>>

Ready?????

>>>>>

Not kidding about the eye bleach….You’ve been warned!

>>>>>>>

Well, here goes….

OK… now, to truly wear your shirt in proper Pinoy style, scrunch it up just below your nipples, and stand there with both hands looking like they are clawing at your belly! Thrust the belly out for proper posture, and don’t be shy! Now, you may not be granted entrance to Malacanang Palace like that, but when drinking beer with the guys outside the sari sari store or with the tricy drivers, you’ll fit right in. It also is certainly cooler, and the shirt acts as a sort of sweatband, keeping your lower extremities dry.

Just one of the happy, unique aspects of life in the Philippines!

Don’t Blame the Duwende!

The following is an account told to me by my wife Melinda, who was a witness to the events that unfold in this story. She swears that the following narrative is true, and I believe it is always beneficial to my continued well being to believe my asawa.

Tatay Emeliamo entered the hut, saw the great pain wive was in, and then it finally occurred to him why this happening to his asawa: he had not made any preparations to appease the duwende living in the balete tree when he felled the gigantic tree. Tatay ran through the jungle to Buluangan Jordan where his friend the healer, Juan resided. Tatay and Juan swiftly returned to the home place; Juan was keenly aware of the consequences when a duewende is offended.

My father-in-law, Emeliamo, here in San Miguel, Guimaras, in the Philippines, needed some charcoal. He had a massive balete tree in his python-infested backyard in the heart of a jungle. Now Tatay (father) Emeliamo had an immunity to any curses or spells from duwendes (invisible Filipino elves) or manananggals (witches). My Sainted Patient Wife informs me that she also has such an immunity. Several years had past since his daughter Ellen had gotten ill from stepping on the duwende as I related in a story last week. Charcoal was the only thing on his mind, so he whacked down the balete tree after much effort, and proceeded to make his charcoal.

The next day my mother-in-law, Rogelia, woke up with a horrific back pain. Suffering a pain so great that she could barely rise up from her floor mat, she got word to her daughter, my future wife Melinda, to tell Tatay she needed help. Melinda ran out to the rice fields, and told Tatay to come back to the nipa hut; Nanay (mother) needed help and she needed it now! Tatay raced home to see what was wrong.

Juan carefully inspected the site of the now chopped down balete tree, and informed my father-in-law that no, the curse upon Nanay is not the work of a duwende, but Juan the healer sees a hideous pig-faced demon ,that is common in this part of the Western Visayas, lurking around, a lulid. The lulid is the cause of Nanay’s severe back pain, and he must be given an offering of one peso, and a fine sumptuous meal.

The meal was prepared and the peso set out as instructed by the healer Juan. The next day Nanay wakes up refreshed and all the back pain is gone. All is well in the nipa hut in a jungle in the heart of the Philippines. And that would seem to be the end of this story if not for my wife’s eldest sister Marialuz, who as the only child of twelve sent to a private school and well-educated, a skeptic of this whole lulid demon, duwendes, and manananggals business which she perceived as just folk tales. So Marialuz snuck out by the offering site, and took the peso. Her ignorant (to her) family would just think the lulid took it, and she would be one peso richer. But as soon as the lulid’s peso was snatched hundreds of blackbirds darkened the skies above the nipa hut!

But of course you may have guessed already that Marialuz soon took ill. Yes, she was stricken with a extremely high fever. Her mother approached her and asked her if she had taken the lulid’s peso. The blackbirds where still hovering outside and Nanay was not a stupid woman. As a child is apt to do at times, Marialuz first denied the accusation. Again, Nanay asked the question, as she slowly reached for a piece of nearby bamboo kept in a corner of the nipa hut for the occasional caning. Wisely Marialuz admitted to the theft. With Nanay grabbing her by the arm, Nanay had Marialuz place the peso back at the offering site (where all the food had already disappeared, and who am I to deny that the food was devoured by the lulid and not some stray dog or possibly a passing duwende?

The blackbirds flew away with much screeching, and the fever was lifted from Marialuz. Now, all was well at the nipa hut in the jungle. That is, until the next balete tree.

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