Wedding Bells!

Well, the wait is finally over! On Wednesday, October 8, the love of my life, Miss Rebecca Tubbali Carrao, became my wife, Mrs. Rebecca Carrao Miele.

It was such a busy week, and after all of the wedding preparations, by the time we left on our short honeymoon, we were both completely exhausted. I will be writing my next three articles about this past week. Since many readers of LiP are marrying Filipinos, this article is about the wedding preparations, the wedding itself, and a short breakdown of costs that I hope will prove useful to those getting married here (Those of you who have paid for weddings in the West will be shocked at how inexpensive).

The next article is about our honeymoon in Basco, Batanes, a remote, little-known part of the Northern Philippines, and a very unique and special place. Finally, my mother attended our wedding, and it was her first trip ever to Asia. I will describe some of her impressions and our visit to Claveria and Pugudpud, on the Cagayan and Ilocos Norte border, in the last article.

Our wedding was held at St. Thomas Aquinas Church in Abulug, on a Wednesday. Why did we choose a Wednesday? Well, we made a conscious effort to try and keep as low of a profile as possible. We were completely unsuccessful in this regard. If you marry in a small, provincial town, you WILL be the event of the year, possibly several years, like it or not. Virtually everyone in town is related in some way, shape, or form. If you invite two, then up to 15 will attend. The family connections in the Philippines mean that you cannot simply say “no”, so, you plan on a certain number, and increase it at least double. Add in the fact that Rebecca is over *&^%$? years old, never married, and marrying an American and the guest count swells. Rebecca has family all over the Northern Cagayan province. Guests came from two barangays in Abulug, Bulala, Pamplona, and Aparri.

Preparations began on the preceding Friday, when our guest count increased from 800 to 1,000… Yes, you read that figure correctly. Around 200 for the ceremony, the rest at the reception. Rebecca was running around the province looking for two additional pigs for the reception, since her mother was in a full-blown panic about having enough food. Feeding that many people required six large pigs, a cow, and two hundred kilos of vegetables, rice, and other food. The reception was at the Carrao family home. A very large tent was set up to one side of the house to seat as many as possible, and several other tents were set up behind the house for cooking and slaughtering. Rebecca’s brothers went and collected as many chairs and tables as they could find, lent to us by the municipality. On the Saturday before the wedding, my mother arrived in Manila and we went to several supermarkets to buy food for the reception, most of which is unavailable, difficult to find, or three times more expensive in the provinces. Several boxes were packed and shipped to Ballesteros on the Florida Lines busses on Sunday. Two days before the wedding, the cooking began in the evening. Keep in mind that there are no banquet halls, restaurants, or supermarkets up there. Therefore, if you run out of carrots (we did), you go the 12 km to Ballesteros to buy more, since the market in Abulug only runs two days per week, in the early morning. Cooking continued right up until just before the wedding. The cooks were hired in Sanchez Mira, 30 km away. Hiring local cooks would have meant they would most likely have also been guests, given the relationship between families in Abulug, so that was our choice. Note, that most of Rebecca’s family also cooked, despite having hired help… Not possible to get them to relax.

The nearest bakery for the wedding cake is Tuguegarao, so, the cake needed to be transported up, along typical rural roads, as did the flowers. Both needed to be stored refrigerated from the 32 degree heat, and the church kindly allowed the use of their refrigerator. Professional photographers are a rarity in Abulug, so several designated relatives were the wedding photographers. Decorations were done by Becky’s classmates, shipped up from Manila. Finally, the day arrived.

Our wedding was a traditional Ybanag Catholic ceremony, conducted in English, with a full Mass. Father Carlos had the children in the church choir practicing Ybanag love songs late the night before. We offered to buy paint for the church for his fee, and I’m certain it will look very tidy before Holy Week celebrations in the Spring. The day before the wedding, Father Carlos received the documents from Tuguegarao, along with our wedding rings, the arrhae, and the cord. Early that morning, Rebecca visited her ancestors’ graves, and lit candles to ask for their spirits’ blessings.

Traditionally, the groom arrives first at the Church, and waits for the bride, who was late. The town “baklas” were doing her hair and makeup and wanted things just right. (When Father Carlos heard that they were decorating the church, he expressed a deep trepidation that his chapel might end up being bright purple or something… They did a nice job and it looked great!) Our Sponsors, twelve each, were joking about Filipinos always being late. Meanwhile, I was sitting in the heat in a traditional Barong Tagalog, made from pineapple fibres, and not very comfortable (Keep this in mind in a non-aircon church for at least one hour when choosing your garb). The procession to the altar is led by the ring bearer and flower girl, followed by the groom, mother and father of the groom, all the sponsors, and finally, the bride, accompanied by her mother and father (Becky’s Uncle accompanied her, since her father is deceased). The bride stops, and the groom walks up the aisle and she takes his arm to accompany him to the altar.

Father Carlos then started the Mass, with his sermon. The Marriage Rite begins, and I present Becky the Arrhae (A small basket with 13 silver coins), and we then exchange rings. We then proceed back up the aisle of the church, collect the Host and Sacramental wine, and, accompanied by our mothers, proceed back to the altar. We kneel before the altar, and are draped with a veil, wrapped by a silk cord. Communion is held, and we go behind the altar to sign the marriage certificate (4 copies), followed by each sponsor. We are then officially married. There is no “You may now kiss”, as in the States. As we leave the church, we are showered with flower petals and, arriving at the reception, showered with rice. This part is Ybanag and not Filipino. Throwing rice is considered bad luck by many Filipinos (Rice is life), but Ybanags consider it an offering as thanks for blessings. We then kneel again, each holding a candle, more prayers are said, then it is time to eat. In our case, Becky is related to the Governor, Congressman, and Mayor, so speeches were made, and I was made an “Official” citizen of Abulug by the Congressman’s wife. We dispensed with the traditional “money dance”, since we asked for no gifts. The meal was basically everything you could conceivably make from a cow and a pig. Lechon, Embotido, Menudo, Deep fried battered ribs from the Lechon (really, really, good and a definite “special occasion” dish), Stuffed Flank Steak Rolls (I forget the Ybanag name), Adobo (Both Beef and Pork), about a dozen other dishes from the various parts, Macaroni Salad, and, yes, homegrown rice.

One final, very funny thing that I didn’t expect. I mentioned that Rebecca is a very traditional girl. Well, we had our first (very minor) married argument that evening. As guests were leaving, I saw that she was in the kitchen trying to do the dishes after 1,000 people just ate! I told her, “Brides do NOT do dishes on their wedding night!!!!”, took her by the hand, and got her the heck out of there. I certainly got a great girl!

Total costs:

Custom wedding dress – 6,000 Pesos

Food for 1,000 people – 80,000 Pesos

Flowers - 3,000 Pesos

Cake – 3,000 Pesos

Cooking and Wait Staff (8 ppl, 3 days) - 15,000 Pesos

Transport for important guests who are not “well off” (You WILL incur this expense) – 30,000 Pesos

Hotel in Pamplona for Foreign Guests - 20,000 Pesos

Sound System – 2,000 Pesos

Rental for Plates – 3,000 Pesos

Transport for workers - 20,000 Pesos

Barong Tagolog for groom and male wedding party – 10,000 Pesos

Dresses for female wedding party – 15,000 Pesos

Honeymoon - 30,000 Pesos

Candles, decorations, etc. - 10,000 Pesos

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Total – 265,000 Pesos (US$5,600)

Add in Church fees, and the total is far, far below the cost of even a simple wedding in the States. Certainly less, considering the number of people. Again, we did not want people who need cash to feel any obligations. This wedding, which started to be a simple ceremony Becky’s mother could see, quickly mushroomed. Given the logistics issues in the provinces, and the family obligations, foreigners need to be prepared for many more people than they would normally expect at a wedding and much “last minute” modifications. In the end, though, everyone had a good time, and that really is all that matters. I am truly a very lucky man to have such a beautiful bride by my side, and a new, very nice, extended family, and I say thanks every minute for this blessing. Some Photos: