As I mentioned last week in “It’s A Small World” (See, you should have read it.) while Visiting with my new friend I noticed ha had Globe Broadband at his house less than a mile from me.
After my head cleared after the previous days imbibing of those cute little brown bottles of world renown SMB’s, I fired up the Mighty New/Old Honda and beat a path to the Globe Telecommunications Building, okay, the truth be known it’s really just a store front. I was there to find answers to that burning question; “Hey, why does CJ (My new buddy) have Globe Broadband and your favorite customer, Paul, has not?”
Sir Paul, (And yes her hand did scratch her head, a look of shock appeared on her face and both shoulders rose in the world famous Philippine shrug.) We will send a technician to your house right now, and could you give him a ride and Jeepney fare back to town? I responded; Yes, and said; “I will.”
The Honda treks up the mountain once more, arriving at my house and the highly trained technician opens his back pack and waves around this do thingy trying to find a signal. But to no avail, I smile and point to my second roof where the Dream Satellite Dishes are and said; “Son, let’s climb up there.” Low and behold there was no signal, thinking there is a master plan to keep me from having broadband I ask if I could check, I explained that I fully trusted him, but I was taller. Checking that the do thingy was on I waved it like a madman and alas there was not even a trickle of a signal. I swore to all that was holy and not so holy, that there was in fact a Y2K bug and I was the only person on earth to be affected by it.
Why can I go online using my Nokia 3g Cell Phone and nothing else can be done? Yes it gets me online, but it is SLOOOOOOW! So slow that if I want to open a U-Tube on face book, I’ll see it 25 minutes later. So I don’t bother to open them.
Then later in the month my Nokia phone rang, it was the nice lady from Globe Telecommunications who had not forgot my look of rejection when I was told; “No broadband for you!” “SIR Paul, (I can hear the excitement in her voice) I am going to solve your internet connection problem.” She stated!
“Young lady it’s not nice to fool old people.” I joked back to her. Then she explained to me about the Globe TATOO SUPERSTICK! What, another Dongle (See Bob I remembered you taught me that word) Yes a Dongle, she was surprised that the old Kano even knew the word. The following is the information she gave me. P1, 299 per month, with Speed up to 3mbps in 3g areas (Hey that’s me I have 3g!) With Wi-Fi up to 100 meters plus a free Super Stick (Dongle) on a 2 year contract
Oy Vey! Had my prayers been answered? Could this possibly be true? Or is this another trick that fate is pulling on me, to pay me back for my many past transgressions?
That was 5 August 2011, and at 9:00 hours, I will be at the Globe Telecommunications Store Front Building to partake of this wonderful offer. Since I’ve been living here a couple of decades, I will still view this deal with guarded optimization Oh ye of little faith, Paul! It’s not that, it’s all the past bite marks on my butt!
I’m on my way home with my new found treasure, my wife Mayang is driving as I refuse to put my Dongle down. (Wow; that did sound a bit odd!) Buyer’s remorse is welling up within me, questions like; what if it doesn’t work, and I’m locked into a two year contract? I’ve been using my cell phone for years to go online, is it really that bad? Then there’s my cockeyed optimistic belief that all things will work themselves out, in the end, so damn the buyer’s remorse!
I’m home, but I must wait 24 hours for the system to activate. What in the name of heaven will I do for the next 24 very long hours, why that’s a full day! Okay I’ll do something I’ve never done before; I’ll read the instruction manual right from the box, vice searching through the trash for it latter.
It was an easy read, and I stepped back from it thinking, I have no idea what the hell it said. The next day, the waiting is over, I plugged it in to the computer, just knowing that lights would light up, bell would sound and a prompt would appear and guide me to internet paradise. Nada, nothing, zilch, zippo it sat there and taunted me. “Why?” I cried out to Al Gore; “Do you treat me this way, what have I done to offend you?” Okay I never voted for you, but I do restrict the number of Ice Cubes I use in cocktails, doing my part for global warming!
My wonderful wife Mayang hearing my painful moan came to me and she found that the Tattoo Super Stick had to have the battery charged prior to usage. How was I to know that Globe Telecommunications would knowingly send me home with a dead battery? All the manual explained, was, how to charge the battery, not that I’d better do it now! One slow battery charging hour later, I recommence installing my new toy, screens pop up, I do accept, I will continue. But there it is, lurking, hiding in that maze of screens, the one part that is not covered in their manual. But we all knew that was going to happen. Okay, I’ve been without this fancy dancy stuff since 1999 when we moved to the mountain, so what’s another day?
It’s an eternity that’s what it is. But the ref is full of ice cold SMB’s and they will help me pass the time, until help arrived the following day. I’m never too proud to ask for help!
It is now the following day, a rainy Sunday morning; birds are chirping that old sun is trying to poke through those dark clouds with little success, and I’m still waiting. Who will it be? Will it be Marlon the Magnificent my long standing “Puter Guy”? Or my eldest daughter Yohanna May Sanguyo of “The Farm” fame who might be springing forth to aid her dear Daddy?
Stay tuned for part 2 next week; oh it does get better, or worst depending on one’s point of view.