The best laid plans sometimes don’t work out. Even if you are vigilant about double checking your plans, following up to make sure that you are doing the right thing, etc, sometimes things just don’t work out. I got an e-mail a few days ago from a regular LiP reader. He asked me for advice based on his situation, which he spelled out to me. Generally, I try to answer e-mails right away when I get them, but it took me about 2 days to get back to this fellow, because I honestly did not know what I could possibly say to him that would help him in any way. In the end, I wrote back to him and told him that I could think of no good advice for him, but that my thoughts were with him, and I was here to support him morally as best I could. I doubt this made him feel much better, but sometimes just having somebody pulling for you can be comforting, I guess.
First, let me say that this gentleman (I am not going to give his name, because I don’t want to cause him more pain) told me that I had permission to publish his e-mail, so I am not writing this column behind his back. It is my goal with this column to make everybody think about how a situation that you are counting on could possibly turn bad. What would you do in this fellow’s shoes? Honestly, for me, I still don’t know what I would do.
Here is a (slightly edited) copy of the e-mail I received:
How are you?
I have not been reading your blog for a while because I have been busy in a new job but I would like some advice from you as you are a pillar of Filipino wisdom! You may remember me, I told you that I have a house, business and resort in the Philippines, I have a Filipina girlfriend for 12 years. She claims to have been disabled for the last few years and has been encouraged by her doctors to visit the Philippines more often because of the climate.
I understood this and while she went there for months at a time every year, I would look after our children and her other 2 children who are not mine.
This has been going on for 4 years.
I suspected that she was sleeping with her nephew, as he was the one who looked after the resort while we were in UK. Every time I made my suspicions known I was made to look like I am sick and twisted for having such thoughts.
Truth is stranger than fiction though isn’t it!
Yesterday morning after months of arguing and hinting the truth came out. She has been sleeping with him and they have made plans to rent the resort, sell my equipment (worth thousands) keep the money for themselves to start a new life while I am left in the cold and heavily in debt.
I cannot speak the language properly, and have been trying to get some phone numbers of their families to find out the truth. Today I took her cell phones and she called the police to say I attacked her. I did not attack her, she was desperate to keep her secrets to herself that she was selling my stuff, renting the place to some guy from Norway and were going to live in the Philippines together with my children.
The police even took my side and let me keep the childrens’ passports after I exposed her lies to them. Her family know and disapprove heavily for cheating on me but none of them have told me.
I’m such an idiot for trusting these 2 people for so long and not confronting them more when I suspected, they seem to know how to tell such good lies though.
Anyway, now I have nothing, all my dreams of retiring in the Philippines are shattered because of these 2 people. While I was out working my ass off for a better life and retirement for my family this is what I get.
You can use this message if you want, I am really hurting at the moment and I don’t know what to do. I would consider myself as an honest faithful decent person and everyone I know says the same about me, it doesn’t help at the moment because I feel like such a fool.
Thanks for reading
Wow. How depressing. I feel so sorry for this gentleman, but I don’t know how to help him. We have a lot of readers on this site, and maybe some of you might have some ideas of what the next step would be for this fellow.
I have always felt very secure in buying land and assets here, having an 18 year + marriage. However this fellow was with this lady for 12 years already, and still she has destroyed him. To be honest, I am still 100% confident in Feyma, but something like this could hit almost anybody.
To my friend who sent this to me, I hope that you are able to get past this, and perhaps something good will still come from it. Either way, as I told you in e-mail, you have my support and my thoughts are with you. Be strong.
Bob Martin is the Publisher & Editor in Chief of the Live in the Philippines Web Magazine. Bob is an Internet Entrepreneur who is based in Davao. Bob is an American who has lived permanently in Mindanao since May 2000. Here in Mindanao, Bob has resided in General Santos City, and now in Davao City. Bob is the owner of this website and many others.