The Charm of Filipina Beauty

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Today, we have a guest article from Maria Luisa Villaflor.  Maria Luisa has some things to share on the topic of a relationship between a Flipina and a Foreigner.  Thank you for your contribution, Maria, we appreciate it very much. MindanaoBob

A Filipina beauty is such a magnetic  charm that can   make a foreign guy fall in love in a minute. It has been proven in many ways that a Filipina charm is a unique charm that can make a white guy get lost his mind and go crazy without thinking he is already proposing a marriage after a week or a month of  dating . Likewise, a Filipina can also fall in love easily to any white guys, old, young , good looking or fairly handsome, doesn’t really matter sometimes, all white guys are handsome for us.

I myself has a failed relationship with a white man, got two children from him,  the first two years of our marriage was full of sweetness and happy moments , we do things together with full of joy in our hearts, but after 5 years, things started to change slowly , our relationship started to crack down and shook our world into 2 different ways. We separated in the end.

Bride

Bride

Many things to consider and understand about 2 cultures joining together which are  totally different  world from each other. I myself married an American guy, at first glance, I took my chances, dreaming to have a wonderful relationship and marriage .First two years was brightly happy days for both of us, when kids start to get in the way then  those happy moments has began to change. Actually children was not the reason for our failed marriage, it was the cultural differences, I was not open to him as I am now, I was not telling him how I felt when  I feel unhappy or disturbed about something. I almost never share with him my problems with my relatives when they asked me for some help, he would just ignore me anyways, when I tell him somebody in my family need help because they are sick obviously he would not mind, this is one scenario that made our differences gets in the way to a happy and fulfilling relationship between me  and ex- husband .

Before getting into a relationship or planning to marry a Filipina, make sure you have all the key points to understand the whole culture including this extended family system. It means a white man who wants to marry a Filipina will need to understand the whole system, often times, when the member of the family of a Filipina wife ask help for some reasons, then the guy  need to consider or say no. If no then it could cause some kind of ugly arguments about money, then sweetness starts to sour  in the relationship.

Flowers from WowPhilippines

Don’t jump right away, my advice is, if you are planning to have a lasting and endless love, try to visit Philippines a couple of times before pushing the trigger to marriage. I am sure Filipina woman has an everlasting Love in their hearts specially when they treated like a woman by their man.

 

Post Author: Maria Luisa (1 Posts)

Maria Luisa Villaflor is a guest writer here on the Live in the Philippines Web Magazine.


Comments

  1. Miss August says

    Interracial relationships, as all relationships do, pose their fair share of problems. But the tensions that arise from loving cross racially can be overcome with good communication and by settling down with a partner who shares your principles.

    Common ethics and morals arguably prove more significant than common racial backgrounds in determining a couple’s success.

    • Lea says

      I totally agree with Ms. August. The more Maria Luisa describes their relationship, the more it’s obvious that it’s personality differences and not just cultural differences. There are several Filipino spouse that I know that don’t want to help out their spouse’s family as well. It’s not just the “white man”.

      • Papa Duck (Randy W.) says

        Maria

        First of all welcome Maria. I totally agree with both Mrs August and Lea. Comminication and the same principals is the cornerstone to any successful marriage, no matter what culture you are in. As far as helping family out financially, i would be more than happy to pay for education or if a family member got sick. Good article. Hope you are more successful in the future with a relationship.

      • Daniel says

        I agree with you Lea, it’s not just white men. However being a white canadian married to a filipina, I was caustious and went on 4 extended trips to spend with my fiance and all her family before we married. I have to say, that if people dont rush into a marrage which is always a bad idea, they willhave time to understand the culture much better.

        I asked myself, Can I live with the constant need to provide support to her family? I discussed it with my wife before marrage and explained to her in detail the way our economy works, and that I am not a rich man, I was and still am willing to care for her immediate family ongoing, however the extended family I can only help if it is truely needed and if our immediate family is cared for first.

        I had noticed that some in the family would drink and smoke away there income then come crying to us for needed item;s because the general viewpoint is that I am rich. which is untrue. But I found that when the economics is clearly defined and agreed open as it is, there has been no problems between us over money. Extended family members however??? thats another story.

      • gianna says

        I completely agree on your comment. Based on your story, it seems like whenever you ask “help” because a family member is sick, you get sour if the guy says no. Not all men are obliged to help out YOUR family. Yes extended family but NOT EXTENDED INCOME. This story is sick. You make us filipinas look bad. You make us look like women who gets bitter everytime the husband doesnt shell out money for her family. IT IS NOT A REQUIREMENT NOR AN OBLIGATION.

        Please do not say this is about cultural differences. Anyone reading this SHOULD NOT BE INFLUENCED by this story. Grow up woman.

    • Maria Luisa Villaflor says

      Hi Ms. August. Lea and Papa Duck,

      Yes I agree that good communication between two parties involved in a relationship, specially in marriage, by proper communication it can help the relationship evolved into a more loving and fun relationship, in which sad to say I was not like that when I was with my ex-hubby. As I mentioned , I was not open to him before as I am now. Thank you guys . I love your reactions.

  2. Dave LaBarr says

    Dear Maria,

    Great advice about communication between the two prospective couples and not rushing into a marriage. Yes Filipinas may be attracted to an older man but does he realize that most young Filipina ladies want children? Does she realize that many older Americans either don’t want children or for certain reasons can’t have children? Does he realize the strong ties to family and country that Filipinos have? Especially the women. Has he been honest about his financial situation in the United States or will she end up killing herself working to pay off his divorce, alimony, credit card, his children’s expenses? It is heartbreaking what I have seen these wonderful women go through. Yes honesty and communication are vital as is not rushing into a marriage. You have the rest of your lives to be together.

    • Maria Luisa Villaflor says

      Hi Dave,

      I want to be honest with you , If I am not mistaken, mostly Pinays doesn’t want to think what is ahead of them once they jump into the relationship, I cannot blame some Pinays who wants to get out of the country and they forget about the rest of the things about the guy. Sometimes they can only see the present without knowing the future ahead.I am not saying all Pinays think the same way, girls who lives in Manila thinks differently from those who lives in the provinces.

  3. David L Smith says

    Hi Maria
    Your living proof that there is more to a relationship then beauty, because when i read your article and seen your picture the first thing that came into my head is your ex hubby must have had rocks in his head to part with a beautiful woman like you.

    As you mentioned though the cultural differences are the biggest problem to overcome, the language can be a problem to as some of us whiteys , especially us Australians talk with a slang that can be very difficult to pick up, lol…But depite this Im an old fashioned bloke in many ways because i still believe true love will conquer all, even if you need a couple of trys at it, lol…Best of luck for the future Maria and thank you for your article.

    • Maria Luisa Villaflor says

      Hi David,

      Thank You for a very nice compliment, You probably not buy me a cup of coffee when you see me in person, just kidding. As we all know , it is hard to combine two objects from a different world with two different qualities and I guess I was not ready to mix with during that time. As I am growing older I come to understand that any relationship can be very successful and happy by proper nutrition of LOVE and UNDERSTANDING. Kiss.

  4. biz dak says

    IMO, any couple will need to have shared values & congruent goals to have a marriage that lasts– regardless of racial differences.

  5. jonathan says

    Dear Maria,

    I’m wondering about this “all white guys are handsome for us.” Is this really true for Filipinas or is it just your humble opinion? If that is the case, I would like to be white (gonna use those whitening creams, lol). PEACE!

    • Lea says

      Jonathan,

      Ha-ha-ha… I’m with you on that. What’s up with this “white man” references? Is it the inferiority complex in us Pinoys or the slavery mentality??? I guess since I’m married to a “black man” for the last 11 years, I’m an exception to the rule.

      So my advice to other Pinays, don’t be discriminatory in looking for husbands – white, black, yellow or brown – physical beauty don’t last, it’s the inner beauty that matters. Oh, and by the way, get a job as well. Don’t just rely on your husbands. If you want to send 2 balikbayan boxes a year, you better start working.

      • Paul Thompson says

        Lea;
        I agree with you, maybe the term foreigner or Kano would have been a better reference than “White Guy”, and as I know from living here in the Subic Area, we multiracial Kano’s are very happy in our relationships with our ladies from The Republic of the Philippine. But I think Maria meant no insult.

            • Paul Thompson says

              Jonathan;
              Then my work on LIP is done, but I’m still wondering where Maria the lady who wrote this article is. Her comment count will be off the scale soon, and we’ve still not heard from her yet. Bless me she’s good!

              • Ricardo Sumilang says

                As of this minute, if you figure in her responses, the count will easily hit 200,, and it ain’t over yet, Paul. There are still stragglers trickling in from all over the world. And there’s still Dwayne. Hahahaha

              • Paul Thompson says

                Ricardo;
                She”ll hit two hundred while having a cocktail in Hong Kong and never turning on her computer! I am so jealous, and I just wrote about that!

              • Papa Duck (Randy W. says

                Paul T., Ricardo

                Maybe she doesn’t know she has to respond. She really hit a nerve with this subject. Good day gentlemen.

          • Papa Duck (Randy W.) says

            Paul

            Were all confused i think and even haven’t had any brew yet. That won’t be until the Kenny Chesney concert on Saturday. So your half-irish/half american hahaha?

            • Ricardo Sumilang says

              Wow, you live where many of us can only dream about, Lea. The Mrs. and I were just there a month ago in one of our port calls on a Caribbean cruise. You practically have it all – sun, surf, and cheap cost of living. Wish I was still there.

              • Lea says

                Yes, we kind of have it all except it’s expensive here, other islands are even more expensive. Just the other day, hubby splurged on buying a NY Times – $2 in the mainland sold for $5.75 here.

            • Paul Thompson says

              Lea;
              Wow! I’m happy to hear that you are you, and not someone else, as that is never good.
              I finished my college degree in the Virgin Islands, St. Croix campus. That the most of what I remember about that year, But the Diploma that I gave to my mother was my only real proof. I later I owned the bar concession on the daily ferry out of Fajardo Puerto Rico before opening my nightclub on Luquillo Beach PR.
              Enjoy the life, I know I did, or I hope I did?

              • Lea says

                Paul, it is a small world alright. It’s always nice to have this island connection. We’re glad we took the chance of living here temporarily. It’s as close as you can get to living in the Philippines but only expensive, and of course this is not home. Glad to be away from the VT winter as well. I’ve been to St. Croix once and stayed at the Buccanner, very nice. Also, we kept postponing our trip to PR. Hubby’s been there few times, I, on the other hand, always San Juan airport layover. We’ll get there eventually. :)

              • Paul Thompson says

                Lea;
                I see what you mean about expensive, A buccaneer, that a very high price for corn. I’m so sorry for that very sad pun, but it was there and I had to do it. I lack impulse control.
                I also spent a lot of time on the British Virgin Islands, I found them to be more laid back. Do not miss Puerto Rico, both the Island and the people are fantastic. San Juan is, well, San Juan, out on the Island is where the Island really is. Being originally from Boston, I understand the need to skip a Vermont winter.

    • Maria Luisa Villaflor says

      Hi Jonathan,

      First of all you don’t need to spend your dollars on whitening creams, be what you are,save the money instead on your trip to Cebu or Davao. Let me pour in my own opinion about ” All white guys are handsome for us” I myself fell inlove with a white man, and personally speaking I am more attracted to white guys still even now. But I am talking about relationships here, and I want to differentiate the issue of relationship and being socially and globally involved .I love to interact with people from all corners of the world. Now let us face the fact that the majority of the tourists coming in to the Philippines are mostly white guys, except now that Koreans are coming in to the country starting to invade us by means of positioning some of their businesses in the Philippines, probably starting from a small time biz. And what makes them come to visit this Beautiful Island?

      Now let us go back to the isuue ” All white guys are handsome for us” I want to clear this up, you cannot deny the fact that these young Pinays dating an old fat white guys are obviously telling us that they are attracted to them wether it is about the material things involved or something else. Also basically we have strong ties and relationship back in history with americans. Let us consider this fact. Also i did not mention that asians or black races are not attractive to Pinays. This is a different story and I don’t want to elaborate more. All races are welcome to my world as long as they have good and pure intentions. I hope I explained myself enough. Thank You.

  6. says

    I agree that the husband needs to understand the whole system, especially the money aspect of it. Yes, there will be times that the request for money will happen when a family member is sick, but also be aware of the family members that want to suck you wallet dry. I see this happening not only with the kano husbands, but also with the Filipino OFW’s.

    • rebecca Ferry says

      Jakeb,
      You’re right it’s not just happening w/ the Kano husband but also w/ us OFW’s ,i’m the breadwinner of the family but i stopped supporting them ( except my mom) and told them enough is enough.

      • Chasdv says

        Good for you Rebecca,sometimes people have to realise that life is not a free meal ticket,and they actually have to do some things for themselves.
        I’m very fortunate,all Sheryls immediate family work full time in PH,and have done so for many years,so it can be done.

  7. Dwayne says

    Interesting and a volatile subject matter. I will just say what is on my mind. There are of course many very successful relationships between Filipina and foreigner. Whether these start from dating sites, a meet in the mall or personal introductions by and large the key factor initially will generally be one of financial consideration from the Filipina side. Lets be honest if you look at some of the old, pot bellied and ugly foreigners here it is totally impossible this was from mutual attaction. It was money and security on one side and the idea of romance with a hottie or really nice girl on the other. Anyone that suggest otherwise is full of donkey doo. Now as I said many of these relationship prosper because each get more or less what they want. Foreigner gets the hot looking or Filipina he wants and she gets a better life. Sometimes that is an illusion as many guys are boozers, abusers or addictive personalities that can’t succeed no matter who they are with or where. I know this as fact from the variosu gf’s I have had here as they tell me point black what filipina talk about in groups and it ain’t the latest fashion. It’s their men and their money. What he bought them be it house and lot, clothes, etc. I have money and make no bones about helping the girls I see. It ain’t squat (few thou peso month) in the long run compared to what a white girl costs back home. Now this all generally changes once a natural child comes into the picture but all in all it is a financial attraction from the Filipina side. Now of course there are successful relationships. Just look at them on this site. But, most of these started on a financial consideration. I will hope to settle doen with a smoking hot, young (20′s) and hopefully intelligent girl myself and I will give her the financial security and happiness she desires and perhaps she will give me a child and when I die they will get my money. Pretty simple formula

    • Ricardo Sumilang says

      So, you’re saying you can’t hold a meaningful relationship with a white girl back home because of her high price tag, so you move to the Philippines where you find that a Pinay only costs a few thousand pesos a month, eh? What a cheapskate! LOL

      • Ricardo Sumilang says

        Hey Dwayne – you’re saying you can’t hold a meaningful relationship with a girl back home because of her cost, or is it because – to use your own words – you are old, pot bellied and ugly? Another thing, if you have to rely on your money to hang on to women on both sides of the ocean, you must not be a real man. LOL

        • David L Smith says

          phew im glad im of the hook then as im only old, pot bellied and average,LOL
          Actually they do say beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the Mrs says im handsome so i will accept her opinion for the time being. Problem is she wants me to buy her some contact lens on my next visit..

        • Dwayne says

          You guys are all dreaming. You’d have a girlfriend here even if you had leprosy just as long as you have money or perceived to have money. In the states most of you couldn’t get a girl in her 20′s if you tried. Maybe a working girl but no self respecting gal would be with the over 60 crowd found here.

          Back home normal protocol means we as men generally pay on dates but most gals have jobs so there is a sharing aspect of relationships there. However, there are also many relationships in the states where he guys foots most all the bills. No matter the likelihood of the over 60 crowd having a hottie back home oare slim and none unless she is a hottie probably no more than 15 years our junior or you have .

          Please go try and fool somewhere else I know the truth LOL. I have met hundrds of them and I am sure you fit that demographic as well. But if make syou feel bettre than lease kep on picking on me. I know what’s what and laughing all the time.

          Ricardo you are the biggest laugh of all.

          • Ricardo Sumilang says

            Yeah, I’m laughing Dwayne. At you. I’m already happily married. I didn’t have to go through with what you are going through in the States or in the Philippines. I don’t go around buying female companionship. I really feel sorry for you because you think you can buy happiness. If you don’t change your attitude toward Filipinas and treat them like humans instead of objects, they’re going to walk all over you . Once youre money is gone, bye bye baby, no money, no honey. By then, you’d be so old, broke, sick with syphilis, walking around with a cane, and probably very lucky to be able to afford a ONE WAY plane ticket back to the States. Give me a call from NAIA and I’ll help you get on the plane. Oh, if you can’t afford it, I’ll pay for your exit tax out of the country.

        • Dwayne says

          Also I live in the states and am only considering moving here for yes girls but more importantly a better quality of life that is not contingent on money but lifestyle not readily available back in the states unless you truly have millions. Most of the guys here are here because they want girls yes! but truth be told don’t have the money to live in the states any longer. and they can’t find young girls like here. Just today I was talking to a 77 year old man with a 19 year old girlfriend. Both of them smiling and happy.

    • Paul Thompson says

      Dwayne;
      You’ve got me waiting everyday to read your next comment, you sure can turn a phrase. The other thing I like is that you can take the heat for what you write. I don’t agree with most of what you seem to believe, but I did dedicate 22 years of my life, so you’d have the right to say it.

      • Paul Thompson says

        Dwayne;
        After reading more of what you wrote, I can only say I might have made an error in judgment with my defending your right to free speach, please work on making us former Military guy’s/gal’s proud of our work.

    • john maddalena says

      what is this about pot bellies, my mahal call me handsome and sweet all the time,me think see needs glasses,i am 186cms and76kg,no fat and see her first time in person in 16 days.My friends can not understand our relationship she is 19 and graduating nurse while i am 51.For her it was simple she met someone who made her laugh and feel good about her self.As for her family regard them as my own and will be their if needed as we are family.Also communication is number one,we have talked over all the issues that can cause problems in a relationship over the 6 months we have been together,every relationship is different and a relationship must be worked at each day.

      • Paul Thompson says

        John;
        Do what is right for you and your lady, and don’t worry about the naysayers. They don’t pay your bills or speak for you! Enjoy your life!

    • J says

      Dude… You are the typical dude from the USA or anywhere for that matter that looks at beauty only and gets USED by these women. They know how to use men and they DO IT! I will give you the link to an article you NEED to read about trying to find a good woman… READ IT and stop thinking stupid! Beautiful women, as the one that wrote this article, are ONLY good to look at and that is IT. I’m almost 50 and finally met a woman that loves ME. She’s not perfect but her love and heart is and she is beautiful also to me. Maybe not the ‘smoking hot beautiful’ you want but that ONLY leads to disaster. If you do so happen to find this ‘smoking hottie’ and she DOESN’T use you for money to get to the USA then dumps you soon there after and she DOES stay with you forever that’s one in a billion because from what I hear they all do it. I know people personally that it happened to who were in the military. Beautiful women are a curse to men with good loving caring hearts. They will, and do, rip them out and stomp on them. You must either be very yound and naive or old and not very smart nor have any experience with women, one or the other or you would know these things already. I HAD to comment because what you said was unbelievably naive…. You have ALOT to learn in life and from the way it looks you’re going to lose all your money to this ‘smoking hottie’ that steals it from you because you’re not very smart… Say goodbye to everything you have in exchange for a smoking hottie that will trash you and then marry a millionaire.

  8. Don says

    Hi Maria. I enjoyed your article. I am currently married to a Filipina. We have a little girl who is is three and another one on the way. My wife’s family asking for money/support has always been a problem in our relationship. But you and ALL Filipinas have to understand that the immediate family comes first for westerners. My wife should and must put the needs of her husband and children first before her extended family. Your perspective on sending money appears extremely onesided. Living and raising a family in the United States is very expensive. The average cost of sending a child to college for one year can range from $20,000 – $40,000. Not mention other costs associated with raising children: dental, clothing, food. Why should my children or your children have less than the best education and all the wonderful things life has to offer just so you or any Filipina can pay off the debts of relatives or give so and so extra spending money even though he or she is just sitting home jobless waiting for you to send the next remiittance money?

    • Lea says

      Don, you’re right, immediate family comes first. But don’t say ALL Filipinas, some of us do. And it should be regardless of whether you’re in an interracial relationship or not. I do tell them that though we earn $$, we spend $$ as well.

  9. Ricardo Sumilang says

    I hate to be blunt, but when you say, “Likewise, a Filipina can also fall in love easily to any white guys, old, young , good looking or fairly handsome, doesn’t really matter sometimes, all white guys are handsome for us”, you are not speaking for ALL Filipinas!

      • Lea says

        Roselyn: Please, let Ricardo have his own opinion. As I don’t see anything wrong with Maria Luisa’s opinion in this article, it’s her opinion. So does Ricardo’s.

        • says

          Yes, please let Ricardo have his opinion. It is NOT just the opinion of the filipina that matters, although many filipinas sure seem to think so. I touched on this with a comment on another subject on this site yesterday.

          Also, the white guy references are really silly!!! Should we refer to you filipinos as “brown people?”

          Come on! Get into 2011 and wake up. It is actually sorta disturbing.

          I can only speak of the American-Filipina marriages I have seen and know of. Most of them, a really high percentage, are going great. But it cannot just be about the filipina. It has to be about both cultures, not just the filipino culture.

          I do think in many cases that filipinas look at things differently in regards to marriage than their American counterparts. But listen, women are women and men are men.
          Women really want security, both emotionally and financially. Men want similar things but with SEX being a HUGE part of it.

          There are not many foreigners that love the filipines MORE than I do, and I have a lot of respect for filipinas but there has to be attention paid to BOTH cultures. It cannot just be a one way street.

          And guidelines with dealing with extended family members must be dealt with EARLY. Someone above mentioned that with American men the wife and children come first and foremost and that for the most part is true.

          We are willing to help the extended family to a certain degree, whether it is Americans or Filipinos, but the wife (husband) and kids come first. Filipinas need to understand this and respect the point of view of their husbands. It goes both ways.

    • jonathan says

      It’s getting funny here. I have also pointed out this yesterday and I’m still waiting for the author’s reply. Maybe there’s some miscommunication somewhere along the lines. You know, English is not our mother tongue and sometimes it’s really difficult to express our ideas. I still give the author the benefit of the doubt and I don’t think she meant no insult when she said that.

  10. Don says

    Lea, do you have children? Are you married? Remember for every dollar/peso that leaves the immediate household only to be given to relative that is one less dollar/peso going to children’s education or your future retirement. Or maybe you don’t mind working at a fast food restaurant when you or 70 or your chilren graduating from college with $100,000 in student loans.

    • Lea says

      Don, I’m not sure why you’re asking though. I was on your side actually, I wasn’t clear maybe. I said I understand what you meant. However, not all Filipinas that married foreigners think like Maria Luisa. Hence, my comment, don’t say ALL Filipinas. That makes this article very interesting. I don’t agree to most things that she said but that’s her opinion – esp. to the comments we Pinays fall in love easily to “white guys”… NOT true. Though I laughed it off sarcastically, unfortunately, most Pinays think so.

      But to answer your question, yes, I’m married and have a child. And regarding your demeaning comment of working in a fastfood restaurant, no, I don’t mind if I have to. But again, I was hoping you’re not referring to me. My husband and I are both professionals and we contribute to our little retirement fund. I personally do 10%. But I guess, you miss the point. Again, regardless of couples’ race and culture, your immediate family should come first. Otherwise, why get married.

      There’s nothing wrong in helping families, that is if one wants and can. However, if one is struggling and still send fund to undeserving families, that’s when it becomes wrong.

  11. Roselyn says

    Hi Maria Luisa: Thank you for sharing a very personal story. I am married to an Anglo-American and have broken all the unwritten rules of the Filipina woman and the expectations of the Filipino family. I have been a university educator in the U.S. for over 20 years, financially independent, no children by choice, and happy with where I am in my life.

    I attribute my freedom (which brought me happiness and success) from placing my husband first. I am also first in his life. We married young and we are now middle age. We married 30 years ago, first marriages for both of us. Again, thank you for sharing such a heartfelt experience.

    • Lea says

      Apologies accepted. Feyma has previous article/s regarding helping extended families… you get all such kind of views and complaints.

  12. Ricardo Sumilang says

    Sorry, Roselyn, if I gave you the impression that I am taking away Maria Luisa’s opinion. Remember, however, that this is a “Speak Your Mind” forum, where opinions of all shades are welcome, “except flames and personal attacks.”

    I find troubling Maria Luisa’s statement that implies a Filipina can fall in love easily with any white guy because “white guys are handsome for us”. I find that shallow. It unequivocally equates love with race and it equates race with handsomeness. Conversely, the statement also implies that a Filipina can not fall in love easily with a person who is not white, or is not handsome. That’s racism right there. What’s worse, it gives a sweeping generalization of all Filipinas.

    Maria Luisa’s blanket statement mentions nothing about what should be the most important consideration and a pre-requisite for falling in love more than anything else. That important consideration, in my opinion, should be the CHARACTER of the person with whom a Filipina is falling in love. Or, am I old fashioned?

    I believe there are still many single Filipinas out there who seek this quality in men. These are the same Filipinas who did not “flaunt” their white husbands, as if they were badges of honor, when they appeared at Filipino community gatherings, or when they made their weekend trips to the neighborhood Filipino grocery store.

    • Roselyn says

      Hi Ricardo: I see your point. You and I are from the U.S. and our intent of the use of the English language may be different from Maria Luisa’s. Paul Thompson pointed out that he does not believe that Maria Luisa meant to insult. This thread is becoming a racial issue rather the issue of cultural differences, which I believe is Maria Luisa’s point.

    • Tom Ramberg says

      Hmmm It seems that you guys are a bit defensive. I agree that character is an important attribute when choosing a partner. Maybe there is a confusion between love and attraction. The reality is that most meetings nowadays between foreigners and Filipinas occur because of connections through dating sites. Do you really think that character can be demonstrated online? Do you think the guys choose the women with no picture, middle aged, many children and tales of woe? Remember; hardship builds character so by that qualifier these women should be the most sought after instead of the young vibrant model types. I believe that in many cases love develops. Sometimes it is genuine and sometimes it is Stockholm syndrome. Ok just kidding! If your relationship was initiated based on your character that is great. That is ideal but I think that the writer was conveying a reality in many cases.

  13. Dan says

    I quess my take on this is that it does not matter if the man is green and the woman is poka dot, you still have to have the basic’s to make a realtionship work or it will crumble. I would think the best thing to start with is getting to know each other inside out kinda before you said the I do’s., Instead of doing that part latter down the road and then saying I don’ts after you both had all ready said the I do’s. Maria Luisa I did really enjoy your post here on LIP on what you shared and glad that Bob gets some Fillipino peoples ideas on here from time to time on things….I think this helps gives us non Fillipino peoples a little more idea of how it is and and better understanding of the culture and such there in the Phillipines…..after all its Your peoples country….not us non Fillipino peoples country,so thank you for your write up here….

  14. jim says

    Don……….You sound as if you are a very humbel guy. Your much better off staying where you are. Good luck to you, and have a GRATE LIFE! Not much room for ya in the PH.

  15. says

    OMG! I was going to write a post but some of you guys and girls can take “any” statement and put your own twist on it — usually toward some sort of racial slant.

    The bottom line, as I see it, is none of us should “rush into a relationship” but take the time to get to know the partner better before saying “I do”. In other words, as men, we need to think with the head on our shoulders and not the one in our pants. Unfortunately the driving force behind so many of the internet dating sites is the unwritten need to “grab-this-one-before-someone-else-does” mentality. I am referring to both the Filipina and the foreigner in this weakness.

    And, yes, I speak from experience in having survived one hell of a marriage to a Filipina. Things started out great but went downhill rapidly. When the dust settled after that divorce, I was deeply in debt, darn near broke, credit score shot to hell, and pretty much resigned to being single the rest of my life. In hind sight, it was not all her fault — we were both at fault in not knowing each other’s needs and expectations.

    Thanks Maria for sharing your personal thoughts and welcome to the forum.

  16. Tom says

    In the states you can drop $1oo dollars on a girl, date after date, and she will probably burp twice and continue to search single ads with the hope that Brad Pitt will soon be single. Are all American women like this, no… but way too many are. Plus, I like women to be made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Too many American women are loud, nasty, and rude. The typical woman I see in America is cocky, she has a giant tattoo of a dragon on her back (by her butt), and she is about 15 pounds overweight.

    Okay, the fine looking chicks in America… forget about it. I think alley cats are more virtuous than most of them, and that’s if they aren’t lesbians or working at a strip club.

    There are good women in America… at least that’s what I’ve been told.

    Finally, after American women have lost their beauty because they continued to party like it was 1999, nd they don’t turn heads anymore, then, they are willing to finally settle down and be a good wife. The think that ticks me off is that these same type of women will condemn men like me, who are free to find women from anywhere on the planet. They call us shallow, and say we are thinking with the wrong members. Yet, they used their “Assets” to their advantage for as long as they could.

    I thank God for the fine looking women in the Philippines. And for me it is not all about their looks and body; it is about their heart, love, and dedication for their man. At least that’s my experience.

    • Papa Duck (Randy W.) says

      Tom

      I like that description of american women. How about the tatoo on the neck too and a nasty mouth.

      • Paul Thompson says

        Tom & Randy;
        There is something to be said about the girl with the “Tramp Stamp Tattoo” just above the plumbers crack on her over filled jeans. The words that come to mind are, Total Turn Off.
        I have nothing against tattoo’s but I don’t like seeing a girl on the beach (or other locations) who looks like the front page of the Sunday Funnies. But that’s just me!
        BTW: Randy is right, you nailed it with that description.

            • Joseph says

              I agree with all you guys,
              Tattoo’s look awful on women!, and what about all those body piercings, all those metal studs and rings especially on their faces makes a woman look like she belongs in a circus

  17. james browning says

    Hello Maria, there is nothing wrong about being attracted to a certain race, I think Philippina
    women are very sexy,and working here in the middle east and holding an american passport
    I could have married a girl who looks like a model, but I chose the girl next door verry simple
    and caring, for the last 4 years she has been a great wife, yes I have helped put some family
    members through school, there are wants and needs, one of my neice ask me to buy her a
    motorcycle that was a want, and it didnt happen, I dont mine helping them with there needs
    and one day they can pay it foward, I am blesses to be a member of there family.

  18. Jimmy says

    I really appreciate the candid honesty of this article. I am rather surprised by it. This is something so important, that all foreigners need to consider when assessing the alluring notion of marrying a girl half or a third their age; and let’s be honest, that is the main factor which drives men to the Philippines. Most white men would rather marry a woman of their own race, if they could get a 19-year-old white girl, just as most Filipinas would rather marry a man of their own race, closer to their own age, if these boys had millions of pesos in their bank accounts. Filipina marriages to white men are always a use-use situation, but so often the middle aged or elderly men who come here are so hopped up on hubris that they begin to believe the hype, thinking that teenage girls are actually attracted to them, and that they are the only ones doing the using (Filipinas also have this kind of pride, always talking about how many foreigners like to marry Filipinas, without ever noting the fact that they are marrying girls half their age, which is almost totally impossible to pull off in first world countries).

    I am in my mid-twenties, and had a lot of fun with the girls when I lived in the Philippines a couple years ago. But I would never marry one unless she came from a background of money relatively equivalent to my own, which would mean she would have to come from the elite less than half of one percent of Filipino families who rule over the rest of the Filipinos, which would mean she would probably be soulless and evil, as most relatively wealthy individuals tend to be.

    The fact is, there is very little chance that you can marry a Filipina without being utterly drained of your fortune, no matter how rich you may be. She will figure out how much money you have, and she will want it all to be funneled into the pockets of her extended family, until even her eighth cousin seven times removed is living in a mansion with a karaoke machine in every room, and none of them ever have to so much as take out their own trash, let alone work. They will manipulate and traumatize you emotionally and psychologically and use your children against you in ways that would be considered utterly immoral, if not downright evil, in first world countries. I am not in a position to judge these women, and wouldn’t do so, but it is a fact that they simply have a separate code of morality that involves the end always justifying the means when it comes to making their entire families, including relatives so far removed they may have never met them, intensely wealthy.

    I don’t really see a way around this. It seems to happen almost every time. Though I would not say it necessarily happens every time. There is a possibility that a marriage to a Filipina woman can be successful. However, I think this is almost always only going to be the case if there is not an age gap of more than twenty years. In particular, it seems likely to work if you meet the girl outside of the Philippines in a first world country, as then she is already financially secure and working herself to provide karaoke machine filled mansions to every member of her extended family. These marriages can certainly be successful, and this seems to be the sort of situation that the above commenter “Roselyn” is in. But let’s be frank – unless a girl has some very deep rooted psychological issues surrounding her father, she is very unlikely to be interested in a man more than twenty years older than her if she is financially stable.

    I have met old white men who married young girls who appear to be doing well after a few years, but it always seemed that the girl was simply waiting for the man to die so she could loot his corpse, of course stealing all the money from his children of previous marriages to buy mansions filled with karaoke machines for family members she has never met, rather than go through the process of draining all of his blood while he is still breathing.

    I want to make it clear again that I am not judging these girls, I am just stating the facts that no one on this website, of which inter-generational marriages to Filipinas seems to be the theme, is stating. If you do decide to go ahead with such a marriage, make sure you have hidden your money very well, and that your children from previous marriages are well taken care of in the case of your death, and be ready to spend whatever money you have on the girl’s extended family.

    Filipinas are great in so many ways. They are loving and caring and everything else this website claims. But there is a dark side to all of this, which needs to be seriously understood and considered before entering into a situation that will almost certainly ruin your life. There are several other third world nations filled with beautiful and poor young girls interested in marrying men a lot older than they are, such as Vietnam or Cambodia, where the family ties are not so important that all traditional morality is sacrificed in order to make people rich, which are much better hunting grounds for middle aged or elderly men looking for hot young girls. The Buddhist nations are probably the best, as they do not attach the level of importance to the acquiring of massive wealth in the way that Filipinos do. However, they don’t speak English there, so laziness might be a factor in men choosing the Philippines.

    Along with not condemning these girls, I also want to make it clear that I don’t condemn older men who want younger women. I am sure I will be there some day. But when I am sixty and looking for 19-year-old girls, I won’t be doing so in the Philippines.

    I hope this comment does not come across as rude or insensitive. I have tried my best to be polite, while speaking frankly about a rather unpleasant subject, but one which most readers of this site really need to hear.

    Thanks for reading.

    • gerry says

      Jimmy,…. wow …you have so many things that I disagree with in your message but this is the biggest;

      “””The fact is, there is very little chance that you can marry a Filipina without being utterly drained of your fortune,”””””

      Don’t you think that is a huge generalisation ??????

      Methinks that you may have had a bad experience in the Phils.

      • Lea says

        Jimmy seems to hanging out with the wrong crowd… he may be hanging out with some social climber city girls behaving like westerners…

        Jimmy said “But I would never marry one unless she came from a background of money relatively equivalent to my own, which would mean she would have to come from the elite less than half of one percent of Filipino families who rule over the rest of the Filipinos, which would mean she would probably be soulless and evil, as most relatively wealthy individuals tend to be. ”

        Ok, let’s assume you’re making $3k/month in the US. I know some mid-20s Americans earn more than that, and maybe you do. So, using 40pesos exchange rate, that translates to 120k pesos per month. Of course, it is rare to find mid-20s Filipinas earning that. Now, to use your term “relative”, I know a lot of young Pinays earning between 15k to 40k pesos. So, that’s only up to 1/3 your income, but these young ladies have a better quality life than you making $3000/month. Again, that’s being relative using Philippine standard of living. So before you judge and proclaim your wealth, define what’s relatively equivalent to your income.

        Not unless you’re making a $ six-figure salary in your mid-20s, and live in the Philippines, I don’t know what fortune you’re talking about, but if you’re living in the US with that salary, you’re just average my friend.

      • roy says

        How about his definition of ostentatious display Filipino wealth? Mansions filled w/ karaoke machines in every room? Really, that’ what we Filipinos all want? He must have been to many mansions filled w/ karaoke machines in every room in the Phil that you know all too well the theme.

    • David L Smith says

      No problems Jimmy
      BTW….how can i get into supplying the Karaoke machines business, after reading your informed post it seems like it could be a very lucrative business in the philippines.

    • Paul Thompson says

      Jimmy;
      Please tell me more about those “karaoke machine filled mansions” that you seem to have fixated on. Could that be your dream?

      • Mars Z. says

        Ha Ha Ha! Paul, Senior Chief, maybe Jimmy has the inside about the story of why there can never be a Fil-Am US President because there’s no more room in the White House basement for a Karaoke Machine. Oh well…Erin Go Bragh! Happy St Pats to all especially to all Irish Descent and to all successful interracial couples of all races out there.

    • john maddalena says

      mate my fiancee is 19 and i am 51. She will graduate as nurse at end of month and one day earn a lot more then me,she knows i do not have a fortune, i just make her happy with the care, love and support i give her.And she started young at UM because her family had the money to send her their.What is your problem with people falling in love,with us just happened,age is no barrier to love.

  19. james browning says

    Hello Jimmy, I have read so many inspiring stories of American men married to Filipinas
    And having a great life, I personally was married to an American women for 22 years, and
    There is no comparison to the love and affection I receive from my Filipina wife, who is by the way 40 years old and I am 47, it is ashamed that some one who is so young can make
    Such harsh judgments on other nationalities

  20. Don says

    David I was referring to Ricardo’s statement regarding Filipinas flaunting their white husbands. It’s not really flaunting they are just proud and happy and everyone to know it. Too bad Ricardo has an inferiority complex. Jim, I will be coming to the PI in the distant future and I am sure everyone will be welcoming me and my back account with open arms (ha, ha.)

    • Lea says

      I don’t think Ricardo has an inferiority complex. I think he just meant that some Pinays married to “white” man perceive it as if they’re better than others that married to non-white.

      All of us wives, girlfriends, or partners should be proud of you all our husbands, boyfriends and partners regardless of color.

      I know somebody mentioned that we’re making this as a racial issue, we wouldn’t, if the author didn’t start it. I bet Bob is having a ball in posting this one. I for one become visible again online, for a long time of being an audience.

      • roy says

        Of course it is a racial issue. Anyone who is saying it is not is refusing to see what’s the piece all about. Race issue is not only in the subtext-it is very clear from the article. & I agree w/ Ricardo, some Filipinos feel better than the others when they are seen w/ whites or even married to one. On the other hand, some Filipinos think that a Filipina must have worked as a bar girl that’s why she is now married to a white boy.
        I actually cringe over this topic. It’s trouble from the start. The author’s argument over “inter racial marriage” is based over her assumption that Filipinas find all white guys handsome. If this is not a categorical “come hither-look” for white dudes– esp given the fact that the author pointed out that she just separated from her white husband–then I don’t know what it is. An advertisement for availability?

    • Ricardo Sumilang says

      Hey, Don – You want to talk about inferiority complex? Don’t get the silly idea that because some Pinays flaunt their white husbands, they are proud of you. In truth, you the white husband, are actually being used and reduced to nothing but an object, like a stepping stool, in order for the insecure Pinay to project a false image of superiority over the other Pinays who married non-whites. In essence, the inferiority complex resides in the insecure Pinay, not in the observer. You, meanwhile, are nothing but your wife’s disposable convenience.

    • Boss says

      Hey Mr Don Sir, manong, when you come to visit here, palihog ko, don’t forget my pasaloubong. Oh someting simple like jewelry or computa.

  21. dans says

    a lot of marriage collapse easily because of one thing, both parties do not know that there is only “WE” in the marriage and not “I”

    filipinas : there is only “WE” in a marriage.
    foreigner: there is only “WE” in a marriage.

    you two must remember that “I” is the killer in any marriage.

  22. Don says

    How many Filipinas are seen as “flaunting” their husbands if they are black? None. Their is definitely an inferiority complex toward white men.

    • Ricardo Sumilang says

      Hey, Don – You want to talk about inferiority complex? Don’t get the silly idea that because some Pinays flaunt their white husbands, they are proud of you. In truth, you the white husband, are actually being used and reduced to nothing but an object, like a stepping stool, in order for the insecure Pinay to project a false image of superiority over the other Pinays who married non-whites. In essence, the inferiority complex resides in the insecure Pinay, not in the observer. You, meanwhile, are nothing but your wife’s disposable convenience

  23. roy says

    And since she talked about the charm of Filipina beauty, she should be prepared to hear other opinions of Filipinos about “Filipina beauty. Go to any brothels, say in Hong Kong, and find out who offers the most reasonable rates? Thai women. Who is the sexiest? The Thai women! Now, who charges the most? The Filipina. Who is the fattest? The Filipina. Of course, this is purely anecdotal and not by any means have undergone any scientific study. It could be just an observation of lonely-sourgraping pinoys abroad. But the point of the story is no race is above one another. The minute you extol, attribute beauty to one’s race to the exclusion of all the rest, you are being racist.

    • Biz Doc says

      hi roy,

      how about personal preference? doesn’t it count?

      i personally don’t find white (caucasian) girls attractive– even mestizas– in fact i’d like to marry a chinita– regardless whether chinese, japanese or korean– if not a pinay who looks like the real deal.

      i don’t think that’s racist, but your closing statement seems to graze it just a bit.

      cheers,

      • Ricardo Sumilang says

        You just answered your own question, Biz. You preference for the Chinita and your aversion to Caucasian girls is all based on race, no matter how you slice it.

        • Biz Doc says

          i thought preference was merely about ‘personal taste’ ?

          i just don’t see how one’s preferences could be considered as racist.

          i’m chinito myself, and just because i ‘d like to marry one who “looks like family to me”, i shouldn’t have to defend my personal choice against that kind of judgment.

          i certainly don’t have any “aversion” towards caucasian girls or mestizas– i just don’t feel attracted enough.

          i’m sure you’ve been exposed to the term, “asian fetish” hehe but this is different.

          cheers,

        • Tom Ramberg says

          So by your logic the black guys in America with the white baby mommas are racist? I have seen handsome well dressed black men with fat ugly white women. I always thought it was similar to the phenomena of the young beautiful Pinay with the Quasimodo white guy. I admit I find brown women attractive whether they are Indian, Asian, African, or Hispanic. I don’t feel like I am racist but I am not blind to the cultural differences among the many ethnic groups. It is pretty annoying when crybabies insist that everyone subscribe to their idea of political correctness.

          • Ricardo Sumilang says

            Yes, if their preferences are women outside of their own race, they are being racist only in their choice of women. But, listen, to be racist is not necessarily derogatory. It just means that when you prefer brown women over white women, your preference is based on race, right? That’s racism, and it’s not derogatory. Furthermore, it does not necessarily mean that you are a racist person as a whole.

            • Tom Ramberg says

              I actually think that having a physical trait that you find attractive does not make you racist. The preference would be based on appearance not race. Filipinos are a multi-race people much like Americans OMG that makes me a multi-racist!

              • Ricardo Sumilang says

                Tom, you’re getting into physical traits now. It’s not the focus of conversation. You’re mixing apples and oranges. If you’re attracted to a women with nice legs, for example, how on God’s earth can you call that racism? On the other hand, when you say you are attracted to brown women, that attraction is based on race, my friend, no matter how you look at it.

                I know that the word, “racist”, has a derogatory connotation, but you are not being a racist person by being attracted to brown women, although your attraction to brown women is most definitely based on race. How else could it be?

              • Biz Doc says

                hi tom,

                you got it down pat– “preference based on appearance, not race.”

                i do admit getting attracted to chinky-eyed white girls who may or may not have asian ancestry, but have “asian-looking” chinky eyes. scandinavian countries– even some places in russia– have red-, auburn- or blond-haired populations that have that particular “slit-eyed” look normally associated with asians. that to me is what i find attractive– just because i myself am chinky-eyed, like most everyone in my family tree hehe ” )

                cheers,

              • David L Smith says

                Hi Ricardo
                I dont follow your logic mate. In Australia the ladies can be white, brown or black depending on their ancestry, some may have aboriginal heritage , others are born in Australia to greek/italian immigrants. Now if i was to state that my preferance is for the browner skinned ladies in Australia,would that make me racist even though they are Australian ladies the same as me….opposites are a big attraction Ricardo

              • David L Smith says

                oops i didnt mean that i am a lady, if i was of that sex im sure a lady i would not be, hahahaha

              • Ricardo Sumilang says

                David, if you state that your preference is for brown ladies found in Australia, you are are in effect saying that you are attracted to them because their race is brown; therefore, your attraction to them is based on race. What else could it be? The fact that they are Australians by birth or naturalization is irrelevant.

                Again, just like I told Tom above, your preference for brown women, does not make you a racist person per se. It’s just that your preference for brown women makes your preference racist. I think the negative connotation of the word, “racist” may have a lot to do with our mis-understandings. It is perfectly understandable that people don’t want to be labeled “racist”, but they cannot be in denial of the truth when their actions speak otherwise. I am not calling anyone racist. I am just saying that your decision to seek person of other color or race is definitely racism.

                And, Biz, preference for women who have certain physical attributes, such as high cheekbones and almond eyes found in Scandinavian countries and other cold regions of the world, is not racism. I went back to your earliest post on this topic, and you did say you wanted to marry a Chinita, which is considered a physical attribute. THAT WOULD NOT BE RACISM.

              • David L Smith says

                Ricardo…Their skin is brown or could even be white with a good suntan but their race is caucasion . As far as i know thats what the Australian race is classed as unless they are native Australians….So if i did like a brown or olive tanned lady enough to marry then its a case of 2 caucasions getting wed is it not?

              • Biz Doc says

                hi ric,

                it was roy who made that assertion, hence my reply to differentiate personal preference from plain and simple racism.

                btw this topic/article appears to have generated impassioned feedback from all points of the political correctness spectrum! ” )

                cheers,

              • Ricardo Sumilang says

                In that case, David, it’s a case of two human beings getting married. I will congratulate you, and, hope that you would consider me one of your best men. Look, David, we are getting into the philosophical realm of this conversation. It all boils down to personal opinions. I have mine, and you have yours. We can disagree, and still be friends.

              • says

                I’m needing help with knowing if i should pursue a filipina girl half my age. She is 22 and i just am turning 41. I never married and don’t have children. She is very genuine and wholesome. Can I expect to have her love for the rest of our lives or will she leave me once in the states. Can you give me some advice.

              • says

                Hi Dace – You said yourself that the girl is “very genuine and wholesome.” If she is so very genuine and wholesome, why do you need to ask if she will leave you once she is in the States?

                How can we know if she will leave you? None of us here have ever met the girl and we know nothing about you. If what you say is correct and she is very genuine and wholesome, of course she will not leave you.

          • David L Smith says

            Of course Ricardo…Im not the type of person who dislikes people if we have different points of views. Im on this forum to learn what i can from others and i congratulate Bob for running a great forum with such an interesting bunch of contributers in that respect…BTW…my comments about getting wed to an Australian brown skinned lady were purely hypothetical. Im already married to an fillipina lady who is the love of my heart and has turned my life around….cheers Ricardo

            • Ricardo Sumilang says

              I knew it was hypothetical, David, and knew that you already have a one year-old son with your Pinay wife living in Davao. I though I’d lighten up the mood a bit, as I thought it was getting a bit out of hand. In any event… Cheers, David.

  24. louie says

    Jimmy – So you’re hoping this comment of yours doesn’t come rude or insensitive! Are you kidding me? or are you just plain ignorant of your allegations?

    I don’t buy your saying you are in your mid-twenties. By the way and the tone you described your hatred to Filipinas, it’s not a remote possibility you are one those you mentioned “elderly men looking for hot young girls”, but for some unfortunate reason ended up lonely.

    You have mentioned many derogatory remarks against Filipinas, saying there are many other third world nations interested marrying elder guys, citing countries such as Cambodia and Vietnam. You may add Thailand too if you like.

    Have you ever wondered why the govt. dosn’t do much effort in attracting foreign tourist to visit the country for pleasure? and you don’t hear don’t hear Filipinos prodding their govt. to doing this, despite the fact it may generate needed dollars for the country.

    Have you ever wondered why after the Americans left Subic and other military bases here in the Phils. you won’t hear many Filipinos crying over the lost income generated from it.(in fact many Filipinas joined the rallies for the Phils. govt.not to renew the bases leased agreement}

    Let me tell you one not so secret reason, it’s because–NOT ALL FILIPINAS ARE MATERIALISTIC!

    • rebecca Ferry says

      I agree not all filipinas are materialistic majority of them still marry for love and not for money, don’t you know that pinays still hopelessly romantic? (lol),” only in the phils.” she still marry you for what you are even you are the poorest of the poor as long as she loves you so those materialistic pinays are just a minority group.

  25. Pita Mike says

    My wife and I took a vacation to Boracay a few years back, I saw lots & lots of hot scantily clad beautiful Filipinas enjoying the sun, and many were hooked up with older “white guys”. I made the comment to my wife that, “gee, it seems like I’m the only guy here with a wife of the same age”.

    When I regained consciousness, Ii attempted to explain that that was a compliment!!!!

    Yes, I married a hot, sexy 19 yr old Filipina!!! Yee-Haw!!

    Of course that was in 1976, while a squid in Subic. I was 23 at the time and that was 35 years ago this comming May. Yes, we’re still in love, and we still hold each others hand while walking together.

    Is my extended family draining me of my fortune? We’re not rich, but a lot better off than most, even here in the U.S.. If I can not afford to help my family, I let them know, if I can, I do so, as simple as that.

  26. Mr. Tom says

    I remember talking with this dude from America when we were on out way to the Philippines. He was in his fifties, and he seemed like a nice, easy going kind of fella. He told me his story: He was divorced, and almost all of the women he met were completely superficial. The first thing they wanted to know was his job, so that they could try to figure out how much he made annually. Basically he said what I already knew: American women have lost their mystique, they have lost their feminity, and they have lost their values. Now, before someone grabs their keyboard to defend American women let me say that there are good women in America. But, they are very few of them left in my opinion.

    Now, my new friend told me that in the Philippines he was treated like a man, and he could treat a woman like a woman. In America (and in Europe) any traces of male-ness are being eradicated and deemed wrong. The irony is that the war on the males is making real men less, and less available. By nature women are attracted to men who are strong when they deal with the world, yet sensitive when they deal with their family. Most women do not want to be married to weak, feminine men. The politically correct crowd still can’t neuter nature, even though they desperately want to. Anyway, I understand why men go to places like the Philippines. They are treated with respect, and the women are generally very nice, plus most of them are pretty, and they have nice bodies. Is it a sin to say what attracts me to women?

    I’m not as old as most of the guys I have seen in the Philippines. I wanted a women whom I could trust, and I think I found her. She treats me with love and respect, and I pamper her, and I enjoy doing it. I can tell her silly love stuff, which is none of your business, and she loves it… or she just humors my efforts.

    Live long and prosper :-)

  27. says

    Well I read Jimmy’s comment…I am not even sure where to start with a comment like his. There are so many things in his comment that are simply not true.

    Jimmy, most of US on this site DON’T need to hear your opinion…in fact I would discourage new visitors on this site from paying much attention to his comment because it is so far off base it is astounding.

    Jimmy, you must have had a really bad experience for you to make some of the comments you made…but I have a strong feeling those experiences were as much YOUR fault as the filipina.

    It is stunning to me that so many people like Jimmy completely IGNORE the high percentage of American-Filipina marriages that are successful and doing well. It has to be because of a total lack of ignorance.

    I can only speak of American friends and the filipinas they are with, but EVERY one of them is very happy and so are the filipinas.

    On my travels to the Philippines I have literally talked to thousands of American men married to filipinas and the VAST majority are convinced that filipinas make the best girl friends or wives they have ever had.

    The one issue I see with SOME American men, that have had a hard time finding a great filipina, is that they are simply STUPID NAIVE people. They ignore OBVIOUS warning signs. They, themselves, are looking for the wrong type of woman and they will have a hard time finding a quality woman in any country with their ideas of what makes a good girl friend or wife.

    And what is more astounding is that because some men have had failed relationships with filipinas they seem to want to warn EVERYONE about EVERY filipina! Are you serious?

    Any relationship can go bad, and many of them do in the United States. Geez, does anyone pay attention to the divorce rate in this country and the high percentage of other marriages that are dead or dying?

    Filipinas are not perfect, they don’t claim to be. But once you find a good filipina, and it is not hard to do, I am positive you will be convinced that they make the best wives and girl friends.

    • Ricardo Sumilang says

      Dwayne, the above post by Todd is an excellent primer on Filipinas that sounds like it was specially written for you. Pay careful attention to paragraph 7, if you don’t want to end up having to leave the Philippines in your old age broken, lonely, and stricken by syphilitic dementia. Nonetheless, my offer to you stands. I will physically help you get on that last plane out of the country, and I will pay your exit tax.

      The sooner the better. :)

      • Aklan Heat says

        Ricardo,

        Hahahaha!!!! I couldn’t help myself refraining from laughing at your comment especially this one! Anyhow, I like to read your comments whenever possible, so far so good! Hehe… Stay Pinoy! :0)

        • Ricardo Sumilang says

          I get a laugh out of my own comments myself, Aklan Heat, especially as pertains to Dwayne. My wife, who is in the kitchen cooking, thinks I’m nuts laughing all by myself here in the living room.

          • Papa Duck (Randy W. says

            Ricardo

            I think everyone gets a laugh out of Dwayne. He has no one to blame but himself, he brings everything on himself living in a make believe world. Have a nice day brother and i’ll just get back to work.

        • Ricardo Sumilang says

          I’m pretty liberal about it, David. There’s still 8 months to go, and I believe he can still make it. I’m actually beginning to warm up to him, but don’t tell him, hear?

    • says

      Ditto for Todd’s post immediately above. Well said.

      I am sure some of these post are no doubt inspired by failed relationships. Perhaps some of these bitter people (i.e., losers) need to look inside themselves rather than blame their x-partners.

  28. Chasdv says

    Jimmy appears to have many hang ups and is totally confused.
    In the first few paragraphs of his comment,he slags off 95% of Filipinas,and then states “I am not in a position to judge these women,and wouldn’t do so,” after doing just that.

  29. rc says

    Thank you Maria,

    Outstanding advice…so much truth here. I don’t think I’m me and my wife will have problems in the areas you mention, but I’ve read about so many failed Fil-Am marriages that it’s good to consider these issues you bring up.

    But you are so right…I loved my wife within a few meetings on the internet and that was 3 years ago…it’s not just her external beauty that got me…it was her even greater inner beauty that closed the deal for me. We have been apart now over over a year waiting on her visa to finally complete and I’m much more in love with her now that the early days. God bless you.

  30. Gary Wigle says

    Maria brought up one point that no one else has said anything about and that is having children. She and her husband had two. If your marriage is on shaky ground having children will ruin it. So many people have children because they think the children will unit them. It isn’t going to happen, children take a lot of a person’s time and love and if that isn’t there to being with everyone will suffer, children included. It doesn’t matter what race you are. Make sure you have the time and LOVE to give to each member of the family before you plan on children. Just my two cents worth. Race isn’t an issue with me. I don’t care what color skin the person I love has. Can we talk and enjoy life together is the big thing to me.

  31. says

    Hi Maria – After reading all the replies so far I think you will have writers cramp by the time you finish. All I can say is 29 years ago I had no one to give me advice when it was my turn to marry my Filipina. I can assure you she has given me more than I have given her and not only in money but kind as well.
    Of course we had diffrences in the beginning but that was mainly just two people getting used to one another. If you want something to work you will find a way whether your black,white or yellow.
    I think your problem is you settled for an America they can be difficult (only joking).
    Regards.
    Jim.

    • Ricardo Sumilang says

      LOL Jim, do you know Tagalog? Your statement above is an example of what is referred to in Tagalog as “Birong may laman”. They are jokes that have a ring of truth to them, but are qualified by the phrase at the end of the statement, “biro lang” , or as you stated above, “only joking”. The qualifier is an attempt by the speaker, or writer, to soften the impact of a particularly biting statement on the person to whom it is addressed, Among Filipinos, “birong may laman” are usually taken in good humor. But there are times, you may not get a pass, particularly if the person to whom the joke is intended is a sensitive Filipino, or is drunk. Many of the balisong fights at barrio fiestas that oftentimes result in deaths are known to have been the result of such “birong may laman.”

      I am reminded of “Salawikain”, the Filipino proverbs, or sayings, that are steeped in Filipino culture and wisdom. They can be used prefatorily as a sort of disclaimer to a statement when the speaker is about to say something that may offend a particular individual or group. But this is another story. Perhaps John Miele or Claro La Verdad can write something about it.

      .

      • says

        Hi Ricardo – Thanks for the insight but its obvious that you don’t know British humour and our particular ability to laugh at each other without being insulting.
        Regards.
        Jim.

        • Ricardo Sumilang says

          I suppose not, Jim. I have provided the insight with a Philippine reference, particularly because the “joke” was directed at a Filipina. I am not saying that Maria Luisa will take offense; I am merely stating that yours is an example of what we, Filipinos, like to call, “birong may laman.” Cheers.

      • David L Smith says

        Hi Ricardo
        Can you enlighten me on this issue. I have noticed rightly or wrongly that generally speaking the cultural differance between filipino and some westerners is huge when it comes to humour. Most of the British and Australian people i know have a great ability to laugh at themselves and also use well meaning sarcasm to each other to raise a laugh or lighten a serious moment, even in illness and near death i have witnessed this form of humour. Im prepared to be shot down here but i dont think Americans have the same humour and I have been thinking perhaps the filippino dont neither…is there a connection. Im still learning about the culture so dont mean no offence just asking people who have more experiance then me….I certainly dont want to use my only joking humour if i get into trouble for it, lol….My wife has warmed to my humour as we got to know each other better but it did take sometime and i did get into trouble to, lol

        • Ricardo Sumilang says

          Your question is above my paygrade, David. Although I have my own opinion about the possible similarities, connections, and differences between cultures when it comes to humor, I prefer to keep it private for the time being, and would defer your question to others who are more qualified to answer. The one thing that I am sure of is that many Filipinos are very sensitive to slights, whether real or imagined. It’s important to keep this in mind in your day-to-day interaction with Filipinos. It is also not in the Filipino nature to be confrontational, which could explain the Pinoy’s propensity for using proverbs under certain circumstances. In proverbs, statements are cloaked in euphemism and metaphor to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings, but it doesn’t always succeed if you are dealing with a Pinoy who is not only sensitive but paranoid as well.

        • David L Smith says

          cheers Ricardo
          I have picked up some importent information in your reply. I certainy dont condemn anyone if they dont have the same humour as me, after all its your country and people that i want to retire into, so its my responsibility to adjust accordingly and learn how to get along well.I can still fall back on making the mrs laugh and the son is laughing at me already and he is not even 1 yr old so Im sure he is going to learn different humours as he grows.

          • Ricardo Sumilang says

            It’s my pleasure, David. Although I have been away from the Philippines for decades, certain things that I remember about the people and the country stay the same.

        • Paul Thompson says

          David;
          Humour or humor. no matter how it’s spelled it can still be funny. When I spent those two years working with the Royal Navy, I think both-sides learned about each other and could tell when a friendly joke was being passed. While in Australia I found their humor to be a mix of British and American, leaning more to the British side. But it was all funny, if you understand the way it’s was presented. The Pinoy’s I worked with for 30 years, leaned towards more sight gags or slap stick. As they are very careful to try not to offend. Someone posted here, if you have to explain that it was a joke, then it probably wasn’t. I’ll agree with that, but then, I’ve never really had that keen a sence of humor anyway!

          • Paul Thompson says

            All:
            Being called Sarcastic is a mark of a person who just really doesn’t understand real humor. for sarcasm is not it, as it serves a different purpose. It is used to hurt.
            If one is called sarcastic, and they truly are not. Than it’s just the listener who has a poor understanding of the word.

            Sarcasm
            1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.

            2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark: a review full of sarcasms.

      • Biz Doc says

        hi ric,

        we pinoys generally tend to be indirect when prodded to say something that might be taken as offensive by the other party, hence we resort to what you refer to as making ‘biro na may laman’ in attempt to get across without arousing ill feelings.

        the key word is ‘generally’ hehe. i tend to be very direct in person, and only use humor to drive home the point if the person i’m dealing with is generally perceived to be unreasonable.

        cheers,

        • Ricardo Sumilang says

          Generally, yes, reasonable Filipinos will get a good laugh out of “birong may laman”, but don’t count on it to work all the time, biz. A sensitive, paranoid Pinoy more often than not will take offense at a “birong may laman”, particularly if he feels that he is the target of the joke. He may laugh it off initially just for the sake of laughing along with the group, or with the individual delivering the joke. The ill feelings that the joke may have aroused in him, however, is likely to remain and he may be able to suppress it temporarily – or maybe not – depending on his emotional makeup. If the individual is screwed up emotionally and psychologically, you can discern the negative vibes emanating from him toward the person who delivered the “birong may laman”.

          A better alternative to “birong may laman”, when prodded to say something that you very well know may offend the other party, is to use “salawikain”, the Filipino proverb. The “bite” of a proverb is less direct than “birong may laman”, IMO.

          To illustrate how a proverb could work better than “birong may laman”, let’s say you are
          the barangay captain trying to convince the barrio to vote on spending the barangay’s money to repair the barrio bridge. The vote has to be unanimous, but a number of people are opposed to spending the money on the bridge, but would like instead to spend the money on hiring the bands for the upcoming fiesta, for example. It’s your job to get everyone to agree with you.

          You don’t want to offend the dissenters by saying a “birong may laman”, like, “Some people in this barrio are more interested in dancing, than saving lives, I’m only joking, hahahaha”.

          Wouldn’t it be more effective if you quote a proverb as follows?

          “Magsama-sama at malakas, magwatak-watak at babagsak.”
          Translation: “United we are strong, divided we fall”

          • David L Smith says

            Its all to complicated for me Im afarid Ricardo…Im with Jim on this one in that it will be a sad world if people cant have a laugh at each other and not take offence. This sensitivity that you are describing sounds more and more like what we say “having a chip on your shoulder”…But having read what everybody has to say on this subject i think i will be very professional and discreet in my general everyday dealings with filippinas and only joke around with those that have been exposed to western humour by working overseas for a long time or having western partners..it will be hard to curb my natural instinct to say something in fun or jest, but if thats the way it must be, so be it…..What I have noticed on my visits before is that i seen many filipinas tearing strips of an employee in a supermarket or sevice agency…they can be very rude and impatient to their own….. I had an incident myself where this rude woman pushed in front of me in the supermarket line so she could verbal the young girl on the check-out, it was all said in tagalog so i didnt know what was going on, except i noticed the girl forming tears in her eyes, so i said to the lady take it easy i think you have made your point…to which she told me to mind my own business, haha…i replied normally i do madam but on this occasion you have rudely pushed in front of me and taken my space in the line so would you please mind ending this argument and go to the back of the line from where you came from…at this stage a security person came along and told her to settle down and re-enter the line when she was calmer and the girl on the check out who was now very visibly upset was replaced…but i have seen many other cases of this so i wonder sometimes about philippinas not liking confrontation. My opinion is for what its worth that is those phillipinos that are of a higher station then others in life and work seem to be very confronting and abusive to their own that they think they are above.

            • Ricardo Sumilang says

              It’s not really that complicated to understand, David. It just takes time. The longer you are exposed to Filipino culture, the more you will understand its nuances. In fact, you can perhaps use your wife as your personal laboratory, for lack of a better word, to observe and understand the culture. The unspoken words and body language of the Pinoy with whom you are interacting are not that much different from a non-Pinoy. Understand that Filipinos, in general, are fun-loving, easy going, and very friendly people (especially with foreigners) who are receptive to any type of jokes. They love to laugh, sing, and dance. They can go tit-for-tat with you in what we call, “sistehan” (banter), as you may have noticed in my recent exchanges with Dwayne. LOL Don’t you worry, those Pinoys with whom you refer as having “chip on their shoulder”, they are in the ABSOLUTE minority.

              Pinoys are not monsters that you have to pussy-foot around, lest you awaken them and bite you. Just be yourself in public, minus the arrogance, and you’d be OK. Should you commit a cultural mistake, Pinoys will easily forgive you because you’re a foreigner. Afterall, Pinoys almost always aim to please foreigners who happen to be on their soil.

              Going off to the gym now, won’t be able to respond until I get back in a couple of hours.

              • Papa Duck (Randy W.) says

                Ricardo

                Thanks for the good info. I’ll remember it the next time i go there. Hope you had a good workout. Take Care!

              • Ricardo Sumilang says

                You’re welcome, Randy. I think you’d find the pointers useful, but I hope I didn’t give you or David the impression that you have to memorize Filipino proverbs and start using them on the first Pinoy you meet on the street. However, you may wish to leave a good impression with the Pinoy with whom you struck up a conversation, perhaps to show your knowledge of the language and culture. I see no reason why you can’t quote a proverb that is appropriate to the topic of the conversation at hand. Let’s say you’re discussing poverty in the Philippines, you can inject the following quote into the conversation, with a far-away look in your eyes for effect:

                “Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsang nasa ibabaw, minsang nasa ilalim.”
                Translation: Life is like a wheel. Sometimes you are on top, sometimes you are at the bottom.

                Be prepared for a look of amazement on the Pinoy’s face, followed by a gentle handshake, but not the kind of knuckle-breaking handshake you’re accustomed to in the States. Hahahaha, I got carried away there. It’s “birong may laman” at it’s best! Seriously, though, you can, if you want to.

  32. Don says

    Ricardo, let me just start by saying my wife is much better off with me than she was with her deceased husband (Pinoy). He gambled, used drugs, couldn’t support her and cheated on her have you ever done any of those things? So why shouldn’t she be happy and proud being with a white. I am sure you would also if given the opportunity to have a better life would jump at the chance. Let me help you out. How about being my personal gardener? I will make sure I flaunt you to all of our friends when they come over and see our beautiful yard. By the way my amused wife is here sitting beside me as I write this comment.

    • Ricardo Sumilang says

      Don, the subject of the conversation to which I originally responded was inferiority complex, and it was you who brought it up. You implied that I have inferiority complex because I made the observation that some Pinays flaunt their white husbands in front of Filipino groups, as if their white husbands are badges of honor.

      There’s a huge difference between a Pinay who is merely being proud of her white husband, not because of his race, but because of her husband’s commendable qualities, and a Pinay who parades her husband around, for the sake of parading simply because he is white. The difference in the body language of the humble Pinay who is merely being proud of her husband and the body language of the insecure Pinay who flaunts her white husband is pretty obvious. If you are unable to discern this difference, I can’t help you. But, if you’re saying that your wife is merely being proud of you, then there is no need for further discussion on this matter.

      The Pinay who flaunts her white husband is the one who has the inferiority complex, not the bystanders who observe her silly antics. Whatever shortcomings she may feel about herself – in the looks department or status in life, for example – maybe very well be just her imagination. Yet, she feels a strong need to flaunt her white husband (interestingly enough, only around other Filipinos), in the mistaken belief that the presence of her white husband by her side would compensate for her feelings of inadequacy, real or imagined. She may also feel that by having her husband at her side in public places ridiculously at all times is a validation of her attractiveness. Afterall, a white husband could not be wrong. What she may not realize is that sometimes flaunting can produce unintended reaction on the part of the audience for whom it is intended. For example, instead of a validation of her attractiveness, it only magnifies the opposite. Worse, her inferiority complex shines through for all to see.

      My warm regards to your wife.

      • Helena says

        Like Ricardo, I have noticed that there are quite a lot of Pinays who flaunt their foreigner husbands like trophies. Well, this can be attributed to the fact that foreigners here in our country are (let’s just admit it) considered of higher rank – they’re rich, handsome and are better than most of us which is not always true. And Ric, I think most of these women are actually those who really consider themselves lucky for landing a white guy for a husband, lucky in the sense that the guy took her out of the slums and helped her rise from rags to riches, etc. Also, I’ve noticed that there are Pinays (esp the socialites who are ‘rich’ and are living a luxurious life with their foreigner husbands and kids in exclusive subdivisions in Manila) who (maybe not intentionally) look down on those who are not as rich or classy as they are. I was once advised by my husband’s friend’s Pinay wife to always look my best (she’s always fully made up with jewelry and expensive bags) and demand respect esp from the maids/drivers because I’m up here while they’re down there (level in terms of social class). Well, I get respect from my employees by treating them fairly and also treating them with respect.

        I understand why some Filipino women married to foreigners have to put up a front that they are superior than the rest of us. Because most people assume that Pinays are mail order wives and that they’re all over the internet looking for a foreigner husband (well, I know some people who do this), those who don’t want to be known as one of those Pinays do their best to stand out and to be recognized as ‘not-the-maid-who-found-a-rich-guy-over-the-internet.’

  33. says

    Gary Wigle brought up, or reminded us, of the child issue that was written about. Wow!! Is that a big one to me!!

    Listen guys, if you are marrying a filipina that wants to have children (and a vast majority do) you MUST be honest with them. If you do not want to have children, and she does, do you think getting married to her is going to solve that problem? Highly unlikely.

    The ONE issue I have seen in Fil-Am marriages that causes me a lot of concern is the the child issue. Do not take that joy away from the filipina! If she wants to have children and you don’t you really need to get on the same page with her…or move on.

    And the same can be said for the filipinas. Listen ladies, if your boyfriend or fiance has said they do not want children you need to pay attention! Getting married is only going to compound that problem. These issues need to be worked out BEFORE you get married.

    I could NEVER take away the joy of being a parent from my fiance. Fortunately for me I love children and want more…but if I knew I did not want more children and she did, well it would probably be over for us. I honestly think that by not having children with her it would be a major issue down the road and, although she might initially agree, it would bring up a lot of resentment.

    So get that MAJOR issue solved very early on. If you don’t want children then do not be with a woman that does!!! It is not rocket science.

  34. says

    I’ve largely stayed out of this comment section, because, quite frankly, it distresses me how the tone of this article and the following comments have progressed.

    What bothers me is that the conversation is almost referring to Filipina women as commodities or chattel… Not so much directly, but that seems to be the underlying tone of most of this.

    Some of those commenting should look inward first.

    • says

      Hi John – I agree with you 100%. I just hope for their sake my wife does not bump in to some of the respondants on here one day or they may wish that they had kept their commodity opinions to themselves. On the other hand she would probly ignore them rather than come down to their level.
      Regards.
      Jim.

  35. says

    Having lived a long life, and living in and traveling to many countries….I have come to the conclusion a long time ago that people aren’t too much different from each other. It’s easy to stereotype people especially when we don’t know them or their culture.

    I agree with John…..the tone belittles the many fine people here. Are there bad here? Of course. The bad can be found anywhere…fortunately the good outnumber the bad everywhere.

    I feel very fortunate I am with a lady like Joy….it doesn’t matter she is filipina……what matters is we respect and love each other.

    Just my 2 pesos……

  36. says

    Your money is our money, but her money is her money ! Their are none so blind, as he who will not SEE ! Why do you keep saying ” they need some help” When you mean they want some money?

  37. Maria Luisa Villaflor says

    Hello to all the readers and those who visited the LIP website and those who are regularly reading the LIP articles and of course I would like to give my best regards to the LIP website owner Mr. Bob Martin . I thank you all for reading my article and giving your point of views regarding the issue. I apologize for being so slow on responding to all your comments, and I don’t know if I have so much time to answer all and each one of you.. I love reading all your comments and some of them really made me smile, Well guys, I was in Tokyo when the earth quake happened, this article was published on Tuesday, and that day I got back home from Tokyo. I really apologize that I did not able to give a quick reply to all of your comments. I greatly appreciate all your feedbacks . This was the reason why the author, myself was not so responsive at all. Thank You All. My great appreciation for reading my piece of work.

    “Life is Great and Full of Beauty”
    Maria Luisa Villaflor

    • jonathan says

      Hi Ms. Maria,

      It’s good to know that you are not hurt while in Tokyo during the quake. My heart goes to Japan and to those living there. It was really a sad, sad day. Your articlehave really stirred up a lot of emotionally-charged replies and people have spoken-up their heart with varied opinions. Well, I hate to say this, although it’s not required, I suppose, you have a lot replying to do. Kudos! :)

      • Maria Luisa Villaflor says

        Hi Jonathan,

        Thank you for reading my article. Yes you are right , I got a lot of answering to do, I don’t know where to start, I am pretty much late. I guess i need to go on answering some of them.

  38. Chasdv says

    Maria,
    Personally,i feel you only need to reply to those comments directed to you by name,as some of us drifted into personal conversations,lol.
    I have yet to make my comment on your article,but given the number of comments,i thought i would give you a little time to draw your breath,lol.
    Regards,
    Chas.

    • Maria Luisa Villaflor says

      Hi Chasdv,

      Thanks, those reactions really making my day. Keeping me online.I am happy and they are all well appreciated.

  39. Lea says

    Hi Maria Luisa!

    I am glad that you are doing well in Japan. My prayers and thoughts to the victims and survivors of the 3/11 tragedy. Your article did stir a lot of opinions here. I would love to read your replies. Take care.

  40. Pete says

    Maybe its the pinay who should be aware of the “white-man’s” culture and not just the other way around. If she wants to be with the white man then she should understand that white men do not have a habit of supporting parasite in-laws.

  41. DAVID says

    I AM TO MARRIED TO AN FILIPINA BOTH SAME AGE…YES THATS VERY IMPORTANT NOT THIS RUBBISH AGE DOESN’T MATTER LIKE SHE 21 HIM 55..CRAP.
    I GOT MARRIED IN UK AND HAVE SON TOGETHER THANKGOD HE HAS HIS MOTHER LOOKS AND SKIN COLOUR…AND IF WESTERN MEN WANT TO MARRY POOR GIRLS WITH LARGE FAMILIES TO SUPPORT THEN YOU ARE ASKING FOR TROUBLE DOWN THE ROAD….I AM LUCKY I MARRIED LOVELY WOMAN WITH KNOW NEED TO SUPPORT FAMILY BACK HOME..

    • David L Smith says

      Well bully for you David, well done old chap…but your not God mate so dont judge others and what makes people happy. I have a younger wife from a poor family.and i consider myself very priviledged to help them, not trouble down the road like you describe. From my previous marriage in Australia we had no children only a step daughter from my ex-wife previous relationship. My step-daughter has her own life now and i was alone for 21 yrs and the prospect of facing a lonely old age, until i met my current wife and her beautiful family, although poor, they are very proud and humble people who asked for nothing. They readily adopted me and even helped me through a lot of sickness on a previous visit to the Philippines. They are not interested in the age differance between myself and their daughter only her happiness. They have turned my life around for me as now i have beautiful wife with a ready made family whome i treasure, so do you think im going to mind giving help when i can?…Im happy that you consider yourself lucky David…but so do I, so i find your comments rather crap to be quite honest.

      • DAVID says

        THATS YOUR POINT OF VIEW DAVID. L. SMITH….AND I DIDN’T SAY THAT I WOULDN’T HELP HER FAMILY IN THE FUTURE…ANYWAY NO SOUR GRAPES HERE ALL THE BEST..

        • Chasdv says

          David,
          Would you mind not shouting in all capital letters,it makes you appear to be a grumpy,argumentative old man.
          Regards,
          Chas.

          • David L Smith says

            thanks Chasdv
            This article actually ending up depressing me with all the negative comments made about filipinas and their familys, and as you so wisely stated…Each to his own

            • Paul Thompson says

              David;
              I been so depressed over reading most of this, that for the last couple of days I’ve attempted to overdosing on on San Miguel Beer, I’ll try again today!

  42. David L Smith says

    well thank you Mr. Thompson…I consider your praise an honor coming from such an esteemed member of LIP….Note the spelling of honor…im learning, lol

    • Paul Thompson says

      David;
      You are more than welcome,
      I read a lot of books published in the UK, and am adapting to their spelling, also the books printed there have a larger font, saving me money on new reading glasses. It’s a win-win!

  43. Helena says

    I’m a Filipina married to a foreigner. I met my husband at work and we fell in love. We both married young. It wasn’t love at first sight and unlike the author, I’m not one of those who think all foreigners are handsome but luckily, my husband is (handsome ;) Most people here in the Philippines think that if you’re a foreigner, you’re pretty cashed up and don’t get me wrong, but maybe this is the reason why foreigners seem to be so attractive to most of us. (Please don’t get offended – I said ‘most’ not all or do you want me to say ‘some’ :p) Then there’s the ‘American Dream’ – people thinking that life is better outside of the Philippines when this is not always true. My husband and I prefer to stay here.

    What was difficult for me to cope with during our first years of marriage was ‘the pressure’. Maybe this doesn’t apply to all of us (again, we married young) but some people here in the Philippines tend to expect too much if you’re married to a foreigner. People would then assume that you’re rich so when something goes wrong, they expect you to help out (if you have a heart). Whenever relatives from the province visit Manila, ours is the place to stay in because we have a big house in one of the privates villages here to which my husband always jokes, “do people think our house is a hotel?”. My husband and I are both very private people. We are not very sociable. We prefer either going out for dinner with just the two of us or with my family or just staying at home and be couch potatoes. My husband is okay with people staying over but as long as it’s not very often. But of course, when they come knocking on the door without notice, we just couldn’t say NO. One thing I want to point out though is I try my best to protect my husband and the life we’re trying to build. From getting ripped off by taxi drivers to overpricing salespersons @ Greenhills – I’ve got it all covered. lol

    Now I’m not working but I have my own business that keeps me busy. The independence, financial freedom and confidence boost that I get from it is priceless. We have pets but no kids yet. We help immediate family members every now and then and they don’t even have to ask but I’m not that fond of jobless relatives or neighbor who come for a visit with no clear purpose. I am all for working your as$ off to succeed and not depending on other people you think are luckier than you because really, you think it’s all about luck – it is not. There has to be ‘hard work and patience and everything else AND a little bit of luck.

    P.S. I always get this and still get this after years of being married to a foreigner – everytime someone finds out I’m married to a foreigner, then I am asked where I met him and the ‘asker’ would look at me as if expecting me to say ‘through chat’ (I am paranoid, I know). Then, he/she will say, ‘Maybe your husband has a sister/brother/friend that he can probably introduce to me.’ HAHA

  44. cyril says

    wow reading all the comments above made me laughed and frown at the same time…

    i’m a filipina and living here all my life, i just got engaged with an amazing white guy whom i met over the internet… I must say all the comments here gave me so much to think about of my future with my fiance. What we have is true love, i couldn’t be more happy when he proposed to me in front of my family and friends… He is not old, He’s 30 and i’m 24.. Money is not the reason why i said yes though he makes a lot of money for having a great career as a banker. I’m a registered nurse and just starting my career here in phi, i have to sacrifice a lot from waiting for him and putting my life on hold ( b4 i met him i was a bout to go to canada for a job )… i never regret my decisions and now planning our wedding with his parents and friends coming over for our wedding and looking forward on starting our life together…

    I would like to add that i’m not from a well off family, just a middle class, raised by my parents and put up on a good school to have education that will help us succeed in life… I’m so blessed that i have an amazing man in my life who accepted me and my family and treat them like his own. I never ask him for money in our entire relationship though he keeps on offering financial help… My family never pressure me but i promise i will help them once i get a good job and start making money on my own and not bothering my fiance to do it for them…

    There are a lot of good people in the world no matter where they come from… I just hope when i get to the US they will never treat me less of a person because i am married to a white guy whose making a lot of money and give me a bad stare whenever i pass at them… LOL

  45. Doc' says

    After reading the ENTIRE thread, I will add my thoughts;
    “When in Rome, do as the Romans do”.

    While I do believe in, and practice charity, there are definite limits. Any proper husband must place the welfare of his own family above all others, including his own extended family. No one except God can ever come before this most sacred and important responsibility, period. I am engaged to the most wonderful and precious Filipina girl (unlike many, we actually met in person here in the US) and I have from the very start often (& of my own accord) provided money for her family. I do this not because I feel I’m obligated to support her family simply because they are her family, but rather because for now, she is still living with them in Davao. (she had to return when her visa expired and will soon return to the US)

    Understanding the traditions and culture of a spouse from another country is an important and necessary part of any dual-culture marriage but, that does not mean an American who marries a Filipina must take on the financial responsibility of her entire family! While knowing that her family has limited opportunity in PI, that fact does not automatically obligate nor require me to take on the added burden of financially supporting them simply because I chose her as my wife. Regardless of what her family believes or expects, my only obligation is to her and her alone. This especially holds true when she has chosen me as her husband and has willingly also chosen to legally immigrate to the US and assimilate into our culture, society and system.

    “Necessity is the mother of invention”.

    By allowing her family to believe and expect that I will continue to support them simply because she is my wife, I would be doing them more of a disservice than a contribution. Based on my own personal experience I can firmly attest that hunger and need, is a very powerful motivator. Regardless of our birthplace, culture or disadvantages, and as difficult and even unfair (in some cases) as it may be, we all must make our own way in this life. By virtue of good fortune, determination, hard work and blessing, my fiancee has been delivered from the difficulty and poverty of her previous life in PI. Should not the same rule apply to others as well? Financial, or even economic security is not a birthright, it must be earned.

    {Excerpt} Traditional wedding vows contain the phrase, “forsaking all others”. The phrase may be omitted from more contemporary vows, but that does not give us a free pass from adhering to God’s design for marriage. Failure to forsake all others has destroyed untold marriages and has crippled countless others.

    So what does it mean to forsake all others? The obvious answer revolves around adultery, but it goes far beyond that. Forsaking all others includes leaving your parents (Gen. 2:24), as well as anyone else who might possibly come between you and your spouse.

    So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate. (Matt. 19:6 NIV) No one is intended to ever come between a husband and wife. The failure to shift your loyalty from your parents, friends, etc, to your spouse is a central issue in almost all marital conflict. {End Excerpt}

    Maria Luisa’s failed marriage serves as a good example of how cultural differences can destroy the most sacred and beautiful relationship any human can ever have. By allowing the dependency of her family to enter into the marriage (and the consequences thereof) rather than strictly abiding by the principle and structure of a proper God designed union, failure was inevitable. Thanks for sharing your story Maria, may it serve as a valuable lesson to all those who are in, or plan to be in a cross-culture marriage.

    [ As an alternative to direct financial support of my fiancee's family, we are currently developing a plan to periodically ship clothing & other items purchased at garage sales and other discount outlets in the US for resale in PI. This will provide her family with a means of supporting themselves and also maximize the profit potential. Self esteem and dignity are important factors in this plan.]

    • says

      Hello Doc’ – While I admit that my impression could be wrong, much of what you wrote would lead me to believe that you have little understanding of Filipino culture, and also that you probably have never been to the Philippines. Whether you have been to the Philippines is of little importance, probably, but understanding the culture better is important if you are to enter into marriage with a Filipino.

      You said:

      unlike many, we actually met in person here in the US

      What difference does that make? I met my wife in the Philippines some 22 years ago and we have been happily married for more than 21 years. Am I bad because I did not meet my wife in the USA? I don’t see what difference it makes.

      • Doc' says

        Hello Bob,

        Please forgive me if I sounded crass, I didn’t mean to imply anything negative towards you or anyone else. I was simply trying to provide a little background in to our particular relationship. And you’re right, I haven’t been to the Philippines nor do I know much about the culture. (Which is why I visited your site) I am trying to learn all I can about her culture in order to avoid difficulties and also to be as accomodating and sensitive as possible to my fiancee’s needs.

        But to be honest, I do believe there is a vast difference between an American who goes to the Philippines in search of a wife vs one who meets his perspective mate here in the US. While this may not be the case for your particular marriage, one must acknowledge that in many cases it is the American (or foriegner) whom initiates contact with the Filipina either in person in the Philippines, or more often these days by means of the internet and/or “dating services”. (In either case, love is the objective) In my case, our relationship began quite by chance. She was working here and we met without any deliberate or pre-planned intentions. BTW It was truly love at first sight for us both, I knew the first second I saw her that she was “The One” and she too felt the same way. So, in that way there is an obvious difference between the two types of relationships. Furthermore, the differences extend well beyond the initial meeting. She chose to come to the US of her own accord long before we ever met, this from the onset indicates that she was both seeking employment as well as being interested in life in the US. Afterall, isn’t it very often “the dream” of many Filipina’s to come to the US in search of a better life? All things considered, can anyone blame them?

        Subsequent conversations with her confirmed that she was in fact very much interested in immigrating to the US if the possibility arose. This relates to a much different mindset, she did not come here seeking marriage necessarily but was hopeful that she might have the opportunity. And she well knew that if the possibility became reality, that she would indeed be immigrating to the US as the wife of an American. She also well knew that if this were to happen, she would have to accept many changes in her life and she was willing to accept those changes whatever they may be. She made a concious decision to improve her own life and willingly chose to enter into a distinctly American marriage, this includes the vast cultural differences that come into play.
        So in essence, there are indeed many differences between the various types of relationships.

        The real point of Maria’s story and the following dialog is that this type of cultural complexity is something that all of us must deal with to some extent, hopefully by learning from the experience of others one can develop a more considerate and loving relationship with his/her new spouse and thereby avoid similar problems. No one goes into a marriage expecting it to eventually fail, in fact, that is a very prominant factor in why so many Americans seek marriage with a Filipina. I have great respect and admiration for the Philippine people, but their culture and traditions are theirs alone, what works for them in PI does not necessarily work elsewhere, especially with such vast contrast to American culture. This of course does not mean that a spouse automatically drops the obligation and love of their respective families. We all have a moral and practical responsibility to help and support our family, especially in times of stress or an emergency. Importantly, financial trouble is the leading cause of divorce in the US and I suspect the same is true worldwide. It is difficult enough for any couple to survive their own financial difficulties, but attempting to take on the financial troubles of an entire family in addition to one’s own, is a sure recipe for disaster.

        Americans are by far the most generous and giving nation on earth, and we have a long standing history of taking care of our own as well. “Charity begins at home”. In order for anyone to be able to truly help others, they must first be able to help themselves. As is evident from my previous statements/actions, I am not opposed to helping those in need, especially when it is such an important aspect of my fiancee’s culture but, I nor anyone else should ever put at risk the stability and harmony of their own marriage in order to accomodate a cultural expectation. Period.

        Despite cultural differences worldwide, human nature is universal. People are people no matter where they live. We all need and seek love, we all must eat and sleep, we all have distinct needs. It is the pursuit of what is needed in life that distinguishes one from another. Charity is an act of graciousness and compassion for others, not a right. Giving of yourself to another is something that must be done out of true concern and with a sincere heart, it can not be done by force nor under the misguided belief that not doing so is somehow a cultural offense.

        As for me, I will never place the needs or wants of anyone else above those of my wife. She is, and shall forever be, my number one priority. I will unceasingly “Forsake all others” in order to preserve and protect our marriage. IMHO This is what true love is, this is what true love does.

  46. says

    I have lived all my life in the US and met my Filipina g/f while she was vacationing here in the US. It has been two years now together and I’ve learned alot about her culture during that time. But I also have learned alot about HER in two years, as a person.. and I think that is of key importance no matter what the situation.

    The next stage of our relationship is that I am moving to Cebu, but not moving in with her. I’ll have my own place and if all goes well, in a two or three years we will get married. Personally, I think that it’s kind of insane the way some expats marry so quickly when (a) they haven’t dated long enough to get acquainted with the age-difference dynamics (b) they haven’t even adjusted to living in the Philippines yet (c) they don’t know the Filipina they plan to MARRY for more than a few months. Put all these together and I think it’s just being reckless, in my opinion.

    Real love takes time. And seeking it an a foreign land only adds to the learning curve time necessary before making such a big decision.

    • John Leick says

      I agree Henry, and this is exactly what I am doing, being patient. I will move to Cebu next year and my GF will maintain her own place and I will have mine. Marriage is not part of our discussions at all; if it happens one day, it happens. She has the ability to get a US tourist visa. My desire is to be a snowbird, spend my summers here in Wisconsin and winter in the RP. Ahhh, I was so lucky to find a wonderful woman that fits into my plans for the future!

  47. David Tamares-Little says

    I don’t think the failure of Maria’s marriage was a cultural thing. Lack of communication is not just restricted to different cultures. My ex-wife and I were from the same background and culture but once the communication stopped and we lost respect for each other the marriage went down the pan. I am now in love with a beautiful filipino woman. We have our ups and downs but we are determined to make it work. I feel blessed that I have her in my life and once I have sorted out my life here I will move to the Philippines to be with her. She has renewed my love for life for which I will be eternally grateful whatever happens. There is nothing wrong with being different as long as you are prepared to be understanding and compromise when necessary.

  48. John Leick says

    As a guy who extensively travels the RP, has had a long-term marriage to a Filipina, and was engaged to another (now called off), and have a current Filipina GF, here is my advice:

    1.) Communicate, communicate, communicate! Learn those cultural differences.
    2.) Be patient and don’t rush into marriage.
    3.) Stay out of your kids dating pool! I will not date with any more than a 15 year age gap.

  49. peterjoy says

    HI A GOOD POSTING

    As a man happly married to a lovely sweet filipina mom off 3 and have been married now for 8 years and am buying a home there if u find the right girl u wont to be with u must work on it ok and it as not a lot to do with looks but what is in the heart that matters ok and i am know all about his ok as my wife and i live apart as my wife did not get her vica for here in australa ok so i have to work on it more then most on here ok and trust is some thing u must have but i can tell u if u ask me iff i was to have them 8 years back i would still full in love with my dear one yes i would as u dont know that is going to happen to u in this life ok…….peter martin tassie

  50. says

    AMERICAN MAN CONSIDERING A SEARCH FOR A FILIPINA FOR LOVE AND MARRIAGE – HAVE SOME QUESTIONS. I am a 51 year old American man, divorced, interested in finding a loving Filipina for lifelong marriage. From what I have heard, I have some concerns and would invite anyone who has been through the experience or is otherwise in a position to offer solid advice to share their answers to some questions.

    1) HIDDEN AGENDA OF MONEY & VISA – Other than the obvious, such as being directly asked by a Filipina for money/financial help, are there any signs that I could be on the lookout for that a prospective Filipina might be merely interested in money, financial help and visa instead of true love with a foreigner/American? (the concern that she might marry for these purposes, then later, after she has received financial help, as well as a “green card” for permanent legal residence here in USA, that she might initiate a divorce and alimony case, etc).

    2) HER FAMILY MEMBERS’ EXPECTATIONS AND PRESSURE – Is there any effective and diplomatic way to deal with her family members’ possible financial expectations and to help them understand that our Western/American custom is not for a married couple to financially support the wife’s (or husband’s) family members and relatives? It’s not that I lack compassion, it’s that I simply don’t have the financial resources for supporting additional people beyond my prospective wife.

    3) AGE DIFFERENCES – Again, I am 51. A younger Filipina would be preferable and I’m trying to figure out how much younger? Is it really true that “age doesn’t matter” to some Filipina’s? My goal is definitely a quality marriage relationship of some depth with both parties finding real happiness. Even if you marry a much younger Filipina who says that age is not an issue for her, does that lead to problems down the road, in your own experience? What are the most difficult and problematic age-difference dynamics, in your opinion?

    I would greatly appreciate any feedback on these issues and any other good advice anyone might have…

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