Yes, you read the title correctly. The news is that it is possible that there will be a divorce.
Oh, wait. What? You think that Feyma and I are getting divorced?
No, not at all! Ha ha… we have been married for nearly 21 years already, and I don’t foresee any divorce in the works.
What I am talking about is that the Philippines is considering implementing a divorce law.
Currently, there is no divorce in the Philippines. In fact, there are only two countries in the world where divorce is not available, the Philippines and the Vatican. Until about a week ago, divorce also was not allowed in Malta, but Malta now has divorce legally in the country. So, it would seem that the Philippines is one of the last hold outs when it comes to divorce.
It would seem that this is a tough year for the Philippines and it’s relationship with the Catholic Church. There have been two major issues that are being considered in the Philippines, both of which are strongly opposed by the Catholic Church – The Reproductive Health Bill and the Divorce Bill. The Reproductive Health bill deals with the availability and teaching of birth control, so the Church strongly opposes that. The Divorce Bill has yet to be debated at all, but it would seem that the Church will oppose that as strongly as it has the RH bill.
Personally, I feel that the Philippines should change the law to allow for divorce. I am not in favor of divorce, but the fact is that there is already de facto divorce in the country anyway. There are actually two ways that “divorce” is already going on in the Philippines. Firstly, and the most common, is that couples simple separate, and each person goes on to live with other partners. Secondly, annulment is widely used, although it is very difficult, expensive and time consuming to obtain. Now, mind you, I am not talking about an annulment through the Church, I am talking about an annulment through the court system of the Philippine Government.
According to the Social Weather Station (SWS), which is the major polling company in the Philippines (similar to Gallup in the USA), the Philippine public is moving in the direction of supporting divorce in the country. In 2005, SWS did polling to determine the feelings of Filipinos on the issue of divorce. At that time, 44% of those questions were anti-divorce. 43% were in favor of divorce, with the balance undecided on the issue. In recent polling by the SWS, a majority of Filipinos in all regions of the country are now in favor of enacting divorce laws. One interesting point is that the upper classes of Filipino Society are still anti-divorce. Why do you think that would be? Well, to me, it is obviously that it is because annulments are expensive, but the upper classes can afford annulments, and thus are already happy with the option in place.
So, where does President Aquino stand on this issue? Well, before we look at that, let’s see how Aquino stood on the RH Bill. Originally, Aquino supported the Reproductive Health bill. However, he then withdrew his support. Now, he is somewhere in the middle, saying some supportive things, but refusing to fully back the proposal. On the question of divorce, Aquino has come out and said that his Administration will not support the legalization of divorce “at this time.” Perhaps he is watching to see which direction the wind will blow on the issue before making a final declaration of his standing on the issue. The Aquino family has always been very staunchly Catholic, so it is interesting to watch President Aquino’s stands on these Church related issues.
So, for me, I believe that divorce should be legalized in the Philippines. Couples are separating already, or getting annulments when possible. The fact is that the annulment process has become de facto divorce anyway, but it is very difficult for the poor to obtain annulments due to the high price of doing so. So, because of that, I just think that divorce is a practical thing that should happen in the Philippines. It looks like after Malta’s acceptance of legal divorce recently, this issue is now coming to the forefront in the Philippines. It will be interesting to see how it turns out. My prediction is that we won’t see a divorce law prevail this year, but it appears that the country is moving in that direction, and we likely will see it happen in the next few years.
Hi Bob,
Divorce is good for couples who lost the loving feeling. How about the kids?
Divorce will no doubt makes the decision to get married a very easy thing to do. I don’t
subscribe to that.
For me, the Philippines should not legalize divorce. People who considers a possibility of
having a divorce in the future should not get married in the first place.
I’m for discouraging people to get married and for having no children unless they want to get married.
Just more hypocracy from the Philippine upper classes who can get foreign divorces without any difficulty or else they just keep a mistress or two – President Estrada with 5 mistresses scattered around Manila – I did not hear of any criticism by the leaders of the church in his case.
The Philippines is the only country apart from the Vatican that has no legal divorce – it will happen in spite of a reactionary church and political system.
Hi Bryan – Yes, that is another angle that I failed to mention. Many rich Filipinos just go overseas to get a divorce, another option that is not available to the lower classes. The way things are set up in the Philippines, the upper classes have the benefits they want, but the lower classes are left with no options.
Hi Dr. Long – Personally, I think that if a marriage is in trouble, divorce is not only good for the couple, but for the kids too in the long run. I do not like divorce, but at times, it is the best option, IMHO. I am thankful that I have never experienced divorce myself, but I also feel that it should be an option in extreme cases.
Divorce would be a good thing for those women who have husbands that cheat on them. This seems to be a common thing in the Philippines and has been going on for sometime. It happens in the US and other places in the world just the same. So divorce would make it possible for those women to be free of marriage and able to move on. I know plenty of people there that would be happy with divorce being legalised.
Hi Darin – You are right on that. A lot of men here do cheat and keep even several mistresses on the side. Perhaps having the threat of a divorce against them, and the possibility that the wife will be able to take some of the assets, that will make them think twice.
I agree.
Thanks, Lea.
Hi Bob,
I afraid I must respectfully disagree with Dr. Long. I used to be opposed to divorce, viewing it as something that is anti-family. What I’ve learned though, is the lack of divorce is much worse. It is both and anti-family and especially, anti-woman.
In the Philippines, the lack of divorce is a weapon men use to abuse women. They have affairs with other women, beat their wives and treat them like dogs because they don’t have to worry about divorce. Without divorce the men who abuse their wives have nothing to fear. Their wives can’t afford the annulment process, they can’t kick the adulterous or abusive husband out, and they can’t get their half of all their property.
I respect Dr. Long and others worry about divorce becoming an “easy way out” that can lead to many broken families. The truth of the matter is the opposite, the absence of divorce allows Pinoys to destroy their marriage and their family and leave their wives and children as prisoners unable to move on to a good life.
If divorce became legal, part of the divorce law could protect the family by preventing either spouse as a easy way to break up the family. In some U.S. states, a divorce cannot be granted unless the husband and wife can prove they have lived apart for a full year. That gives them time to cool down, carefully think about it, and repair the marriage if they can. And in those states divorce helps discourage spouses from being unfaithful because once the paperwork begins at the beginning of the one year waiting period, neither the husband nor the wife can sell property, mis-use their bank accounts or other assets.
If a Pinoy knew that his wife could file divorce papers and prevent him from selling property or spending all their money, and, further, that after a year she would get half of everything, I think some Pinoys would not mistreat their wives, and by extension, destroy their family.
Hi Kevin – While I despise divorce, and feel it should be a very last resort, I agree with you that it should be an option that is available. The threat of a division of assets is something that could give a bit of power to the woman, for sure.
Take care, Kevin!
I agree with both of you – Bob and Kevin. Oh and please, can we add child support too. 🙂
OK, Lea, you have my vote for sure! Oh, I forgot… I don’t get to vote in the Philippines! 😉
To me, It’s a no Brainer… You live once just as the sun rises and sets. Then its over, man and woman need to be happy and content. And the children need whats good and righteous for them.
Hi Lenny – Yes, I agree that we should all be happy and content!
Bob:
One thing to keep in mind: Even if divorce is legally allowed here someday, I am betting that it will be a long, arduous legal process, much more akin to the old divorce laws and procedures in place in the United States 50 years ago. I highly doubt that it will be the quick, no-fault type commonly seen elsewhere.
Yes, John, the talk I’ve heard on this has been that it will take 5 years or so to get a divorce. Better than what is available now, though.
Hi Bob: I believe that this would be beneficial for the Filipina woman. She does not have to be bound by an unhappy marriage. It could also work for the Filipino man. However, divorce in the Philippines could backfire against the expat man who wish to marry in the Philippines. Many expat men have been divorced before and could marry many times in the Philippines, leaving offsprings without monetary support. The Philippine government could impose tight regulations against the expat men, who visits the Philippines to get a wife. What do you think?
Roselyn – I think that all men (and women) are created equal. There should not be special laws for one person and not another. The law should apply equally to all.
Hi Bob: I agree with you.
Roselyn- is it your experience- or knowledge- that in general expat men who marry filipinas divorce them and leave offspring without monetary support ? If you can support that I would be very surprised.
Is it also your experience- or knowledge- that expat men are seeking to marry many times in the Philippines ? Since I know you are an educator your remarks quite surprise me, since I dont think their is any foundation for them Roselyn. Maybe I am wrong ?
Hi Ian: I have a Filipina cousin who lived with an Australian man (already married to a Filipina in the Philippines) for many years. They have three children. He left my cousin and children for another Filipina woman (a much younger one). They were left without any means of support other than her meager salary as a secretary. They lived very well before he left them. According to this cousin, he did not support his first family either as she reasoned that his children were already adults. In the Philippines, she can’t ask for child support legally. In the U.S., the courts will take care of that.
As far as expat men intending to marry many times in the Philippines, this may not be the case for all. I have been asked many times here in the U.S., that if a marriage fails in the Philippines, how difficult will it be to get a divorce? This is a sincere question from my male colleagues. Many of them have been divorced before and would want to marry again, but want an exit when needed as so many buy into the myth that Filipina women are so available for expat men in the Philippines.
In the U.S., we have so many divorced men who cannot pay child support from previous marriages. This could be out of negligence or the individual is simply unemployed. The welfare system is going broke to provide for single families with children. This scenario could be repeated in the Philippines. It is a very complex issue for the Philippines to address as it cannot afford a welfare system.
Roselyn,
Totally agree with what you say. There really are little options for filipinas there. In regards to Child Support here in the US, I think a majority of the men who fail to pay child support is due to negligence. The State of Florida really cracks down on those men, even of they are only $500.00 in arrears. They will put a warrant out for your arrest and you will have to pay a purge, which is like a bond, to get out. They will also suspend your drivers license too.
Also, Gov Scott here in Florida just signed a bill which requires new applicants for welfare to be drug tested. This could ease the financial situation of the welfare system. Another thing that could ease the welfare system, is take people who are felons or habitual offenders off of food stamps. You wouldn’t believe how many people i see daily who get arrested with the EBT Food Stamp Card and also have a pocket full of money. Alot of them as soon as they get there monthly alloccation, they sell it. There are so many abuses of the system. Needs to be totally revamped. Have a nice day!
Papa Duck, in almost every scenario, you will find that the few bad apples make every apple in the bushel look bad. Pinoys have a word for this. It’s called, “pandamay”.
I’m not sure that I agree with the statement that the “majority” of non-payment of child support is to negligence. Though there is plenty of that, the fact is the child support obligations can be quite brutal to the divorcing husband. In PA where I live, if I had the misfortune of getting a divorce, my child support and alimony obligations would be so high that I would be forced to live with my parents for the simple fact that I would be unable to afford rent on a second place. Thank God my marriage is strong, so I don’t envision this ever happening!
Hey Bob,
Divorce? OK. But it should be limited for only three reasons: Adultery, sexual abuse and physical abuse. Here in the states you can get a divorce for ANY reason.
And the only ones that benefit are the lawyers.
Hi Hudson – Personally, I feel that a couple will not want to file for a divorce unless the reason is serious, whether it is one of the three reasons you put forward or something else. I feel that divorce should be allowed whatever the reason. I sure agree with you about the lawyers! 😉
Hudson, you mean citing irreconcilable differences is not good enough? Just kidding! Seriously, how about emotional abuse? A painful one – but very hard to measure.
I agree with the sentiment of the post, but not sure I can agree with the only one “winning” are the lawyers. If the lawyer’s fees are too high, the client has the right to shop-around for a better deal. Divorce law is not like a PI case taken on contingency and the lawyer getting 30-percent, you typically know the fees upfront. When I handled divorces in Oklahoma, all my services were on what I thought was a reasonable flat-fee basis and any potential client would know exactly what it would cost him/her before they signed on the dotted-line.
From a religious angle I find the Vaticans stand on birth control education absurdly misguided in a Country as impoverished as the RP is as well as the high rate of teen pregnancies/single mothers. Not to get to deep on this it cetainly has altered my view in a negative way on Catholicism of which I am. Divorce? Better than subjecting a family to a living hell which I have first hand experience at a young age. If your that miserable married its better for all to disolve the union.
Hi brian – I was raised Catholic, but at 18 I left to the Church as I also questioned a number of their teachings. I suppose that the Philippines could almost be viewed as a laboratory to view the results of the church’s policies, and it ain’t necessarily a good view. 😉
I have often wondered why the Catholic Church blasts divorce, but then shies away from condemning couples just living together. Man runs off to Manila, shacks up with a bimbo up there, and his wife is stuck in poverty with half a dozen or more kids hanging on her skirt. So she either chooses to live in adultery with someone else in order to provide food and shelter for her kids, or dies a slow death physically and emotionally.
Hard to understand the Church logic on that one. Is “The Church” that uncaring towards Pinays? There’s a real problem with that here, and it needs to be addressed, not dogmatically ignored.
One of the uglier parts of Filipino life and culture.
That’s a good observation, Dave.
First of all, I don’t believe in divorce. Those two so-called parents who decide to split up despite knowing that their young children will suffer the most because of the breakup are two selfish adult human beings who don’t really care for their children. They are selfish because they care only about their own feelings. The feelings and the emotional well-being of the young children should come fiirst before even considering their own. Couples who are contemplating on filing for divorce have to realize that it’s their own flesh and blood whom they will be hurting in the end.
Should a marriage become intolerable to either, or both, the couple should wait filing for divorce until the children are old enough to be able to deal with the break-up of their parents. By “old”, I mean 18 years of age, not a day less. I’m sorry, but this is the way I see it. They were brought to this world by consensual act of two consenting adults who are married to one another; hence, it is the joint moral and legal responsibility of those same adults to ensure that those children are well cared for, not only physically, but, most importantly, emotionally until they reach adulthood. Emotional deprivation is a form of child abuse. In the U.S., a parent or parents could be charged with felony child abuse if they knowingly and deliberately contribute to the emotional deprivation of their child. This being the case, I am surprised that the law hasn’t gotten around to legislating divorce as possible grounds for contributing to the emotional deprivation of a child.
In the event that a marriage has reached a point where reconciliation is no longer possible, I can only say this: Don’t do anything until the kids turn 18. After that, you can do whatever you want. There’s a possibility that waiting it out may result in the two of you getting back together, as time heals all wounds. Meantime, you just have to suck it up.
Ladies, If your man is the philandering type, don’t get mad. Get even. Seduce the pizza delivery boy. Your husband will come around when he finds out you’re doing the same thing he is doing after discovering a pepperoni in your marital bed.
Guys, if your wife is cheating on you, likewise, don’t get mad. Get even. Date your secretary, bang your mother-in-law, but whatever you do, don’t file for divorce until the kids turn 18. She, too, will come around after her lover dumps her. She will come running back to you, and everything will be alright again. LOL
Hi Ricardo – I do not want to sound like I am insulting you, because I am not… but I am afraid that my observations will come across that way, which I hope you will understand I do not intent.
The thing I am questioning is that you are very strong in saying you don’t want the kids to suffer because of divorce. Then you advise people to “get even” by going out and committing adultery themselves. Do you not think the kids will be hurt by this “payback” mentality that you are suggesting. Frankly, I think your argument is way, way off base.
Bob, although the last two paragraphs were made in jest, they were intended to get across the message to not rush into filing for divorce until the kids are old enough to be able to handle the emotional trauma associated with their parents’ divorce. Those examples are a delaying tactic, so to speak, to postpone the formal breakup and need not be interpreted literally.
Hi Ricardo – I am sorry if I misinterpreted what you said, I just took it literally because I saw no indication that it was only a joke.
That said, I feel that the trauma to the child can be much deeper if he is forced to endure the poor relationship that his parents are going through. Waiting until the child is 18 may be more painful for the child than the divorce itself. No way you and I can reconcile our opinions…. it’s an age old debate that nobody can find the answer to.
My main concern is for the emotional well-being of the child. I could care less about the feelings of the adults whom I consider to be very selfish. I believe the child can withstand the bad relationship more than an outright breakup of his/her parents, Bob.
Yes, Ricardo, I understand that is your belief. My belief is the opposite of yours. Our beliefs cannot be reconciled.
Bob, Ricardo,
I went through a divorce in 2004. We had 3 children all boys who were aged 15, 16 and 19. I tried for 10 years to stick with the marriage, but there was no improvement in relations at all, just continued disagreements. The kids new a divorce was coming. I sat down and explained to each of them individually what was going on, and for the most part they understood. They just didn’t want to see us fighting. I provided monthly support of $1200.00 along with paying for half of college tuition, school clothes, computers, money to purchase cars/car repairs, co-sign car loans(big mistake) and any other expenses they may have. Also spent as much quality time as possible with them. They have all turned out great. 2 oldest completed college, youngest is in the Army. If there is domestic violence between spouses, the child should not be subjected to that kind of environment and divorce would be the best option. Thankfully my kids were not subjected to that. Ricardo i understand where you are coming from. I tried to wait, but i did what i thought was best and be responsible. Like Hudson said above, the lawyer is always the winner and believe me that is so true in my case. Take care.
Hi Papa Duck – I am thankful that I never had to go through the tragedy of divorce, and I am sorry that you had to experience it. I’m glad that your kids were able to go through it and still come out good! Congratulations on that.
The lack of divorce laws is made worse by the lack of child support laws -or enforcement of any laws that do exist.Working in the middle east brought me into contact with many Filipina OFW’S who were single mothers or had been abandoned by their husbands. None of them received any support for themselves or their children.The laws are heavily biased against women and any changes will probably make little difference as the legal system is corrupt to a degree that constitutes a complete breakdown.Both civil and criminal courts seem to be completely disfunctional,unable to complete cases in any kind of reasonable time – it appears in fact that many cases are dragged out for years and then forgotten without any kind of resolution – just watch the Ampatuan trial.
I understand you as well, Bob. It would be pretty hard to reconcile our respective opinions. Just hear me out for the last time. Imagine this: the mother is awarded custody of the little boy, and the father is given visiting priveleges of, say, 8 hours every other weekend. Both father and son, who have developed a very strong bond and love for each other, want so much to spend more time with each other, but the law says they can’t. Where is the humanity in all of this? How can it not be gut=wrenching to see both the little boy and the father when they finally say goodbye to one another at the end of the day? Another human being – the judge – who had no previous knowledge whatsoever of the two human beings at his mercy makes a decision that is based completely on written words of the law that is completely devoid of human emotion. My only argument is, couldn’t the parents be more considerate of their son’s feelikngs and wait until the boy old enough to be able to handle the breakup?
Hello Ricardo – under US law, unless the father has done something seriously wrong, there would be no “8 hour” visitation limit. I am sorry, Ricardo, but we just disagree. I can accept that we have different opinions without needing to come back with “one more” argument. I hope you can too, because I see no reason why you and I should argue over something that neither of us can change. We simply have different opinions.
Ricardo, there’s no policeman standing with a stopwatch, it’s really up to the mother to allow a visit longer than what was ordered by the court. If the mother in your scenario strictly enforced the 8 hour visitation when it was obvious the son and father had a great relationship, I don’t think there was much hope for that marriage in the first place.
Exactly, Gary!
Hi Ricardo. I understand your feelings to a point. Yes there are people who can divorce for petty reasons but, where physical and mental violence or adultary is concerned the children are better off if the parents divorce.
Years ago when divorce was expensive here, people seperated and went to live with another person anyway. many of them married again in church, becoming bigamist. So any children born from those unions were illigitimate which had a stigma with it in those days. So what is really the best for the children. Some children a lot younger than eighteen are able to make a sensible decision about their parents divorcing.
The trouble these days I find a lot of young people think they can carry on living just like they did when they were single, they have no real understanding of the word partnership.
Hi Marjorie – How are you doing? Haven’t seen you for a bit.
I agree with you, the kids are better off in many instances. Sometimes, if the couple can make it until the kids are old enough, I agree with Ricardo, but only if they can do so in an amicable way, which is not always possible.
Hi Bob – I’m fine thanks, busy gardening. I have been reading but not commenting very often.
All the Best to you, Feyma and the family.
Marjorie
Great to hear, Marjorie. Good luck with your garden!
Sir Bob. I do not write much nowa days but i read LIP most days. In response to Richardo.
I am one of those kids from a divorced back ground in the Uk when my father walked out
on my mother again i was 12 and my brothers 4 and 2 But while i was going through hell my mother was going through far worse. I spoke with my mother and we decided we did not want him back ,we got on with life it was differcult and we struggled But the 4 of us were far better off as we bonded together and became a real close family instead of living in terror as we did when my father was with us. I leant a lot from those days . All the parish priest could tell my mother was take your husband back that was the only concern ,the beatings she took did not even come into the discussion and some other issues. What i leant from those days i have never forgotton.I was brought up a catholic but what i went through in them days i leant very
quickly that the Catholic church does not live in the real world . People will divorce more so in communities why the only reason the couple are getting married in the first place is because the girl is pregnant.Maybe more focus on birth control would stop the many forced marriages that are doomed to failure.
Hi Frank – Yes indeed, in a story like yours, I feel that the kids are way better off to be rid of the bad situation.
I hope you are doing well, my friend! When will you be back in Davao?
Bob,
I’m one of those who support the RH bill and Divorce and i don’t have to look around to see the problems between the couples coz ive’d seen it w/ my own siblings, my sister is a battered wife since the start of their marriage and my sister attempted numerous time to leave him but she has no job to support his son so she sticked w/ him, my other sister’s husband cheated on her while both of them working in the Middle East and are now separated for quite long leaving their 3 kids w/ her so w/ all these exposure not only around me but accross the nation i will always support this bill, i’m not married yet but for me if love and respect are gone, there’s no point to stick together and suffered in silent, people needs to moved on and deserved a second happiness.
Hi Rebecca – I’m sorry to hear of the experience of your siblings! May they have peace, and a good relationship in the future.
Hi Rebecca: We have a secretary where I worked who is under 50 years of age (in the U.S.) She is an attractive woman, hard-working, and an easy person to get along with. However, she had been divorced three times and has three children. The first husband, she married right after high school to get out of an abusive home. He turned out to be lazy and didn’t want to provide for his family with two children. She was the breadwinner. The second husband abused her physically. The third husband left her for a younger pregnant woman. She gave up on marriage and is raising her youngest son alone. Her two daughters are already married. She said that she is at the happiest time of her life, content to be unmarried, still the breadwinner throughout all her marriages. Sometimes, marriage may not work for everyone.
Hi! Roselyn,
I agree w/ u that marriage is not for everyone that’s why i kept telling my two sisters that as long as they have any means of income to support their children , let their husband go and concentrate instead of focusing w/ their children, Having children i think was enough to give more happiness to a woman rather than keep thinking and worrying about an irresponsible, philandering and abusived husband.
Bob
Life is to short to be married to someone you don’t want to be married to.
Divorce is a choice and we all should have the freedom to make choices.
Simplify the Divorce process and let the couples continue on with their lives in to find the partner they will be happy with to live their lives.
I couldn’t agree more, Neal!
For rich Filipinos here who get an annulment, they better be sure they are not the guilty party, because they can end up giving a big chunk of their property to the “not-guilty” spouse.
There is no such thing as a no-fault divorce here. In annulment where there is deception or fraud, the guilty spouse can pay very dearly for it with his/her property.
Rich people who go to the U.S. to get a divorce do so only if the US recognizes them as a citizen. But under Philippine law, the marriage in the Philippines could still be valid and existing absent a judicial recognition of a divorce decree.
Hi Claudette – The US will grant divorce to non-citizen couples, it happens all the time. In fact, Americans even go to foreign countries for divorce, or did at one time due to cost. Mexican divorces used to be the rage!
Well even if they do, that can never be legal! Even with a judicial recognition of a divorce decree. Art. 15 of the Civil Code provides that (l)aws relating to family rights and duties, or to the status, condition and legal capacity of persons are binding upon citizens of the Philippines, even though living abroad.” Therefore for all intents and purposes that divorce is a sham.
I would argue that it is legal, but not in the Philippines. The divorce would be recognized in any country other than the Philippines, and perhaps Vatican State.
Better to ban marriage perhaps, it would save the bother of having to get divorced? (My tongue is 96.25% of the way into my cheek on that statement). Lot’s of the marriages in the Philippines are “bogus” anyway because of the unavailability of divorce…just pretend the previous marriage never happened, problem solved.
It is inevitably true that people can change over a period of time, and that sometimes people come to dislike their husband/wife. How can it be right to say “tough, you just have to continue hating each other, and you don’t deserve another chance at happiness”.
Personally I love my wife very much, though I note that it does seem to irritate her when I introduce her to people as my “present wife”.
I can certainly understand why your wife would take offense to that moniker! 😆
Hi Bob – It’s always nice to have that happily ever after tale of love and marriage like what you have. For other couples if there’s no love, a big yes to divorce. Better to separate than let kids suffer and see a loveless marriage of their parents. They’re smart, and they’ll know. And maybe they’ll be the ones to suggest it too. Annulment is expensive anyway. And unless you’re annulled, you can’t really marry again.. in church. I think.
Hi sugar – Oh, don’t be fooled… Feyma and my marriage is not all sugar and sweet, we are not perfect. We have troubles just like any other couple does. But, we choose to work through it and stick together. I hope we will always do it that way.
I don’t comment a lot on your blog and other Blogs I read. Do believe I need to comment on this. They divorce in the Philippines would not solve a lot of problems. I think what would happen to be it would get completely out of hand in the divorce rates would go through the ceiling dislike it has here in the United States.
Kevin says that in California that they have to be separated for one year and have good reason to be divorce. I’ve seen divorce papers from all over the lower 48 states here in the US. Over 60% of the divorce papers I’ve seen they don’t have a good reason whatsoever to get a divorce to use a long-term word that means they didn’t get along so the divorce is granted.
It boils down here in the United States if you wanted divorce even if you don’t have a good reason all you have to do is get a better lawyer and you can get what you want very easily. United States it’s become attorneys dream and they’re getting very rich off from the people that get divorced.
Because it’s very easy to get a divorce. United States is now open to every scam artists that wants to marry somebody and be with them for a wild divorce him and take him for everything that they have. I have seen this from time to time and the court setback and do nothing thought it.
Also statistics say that children come in from a broken home is less apt to succeed successfully in life than the family that has stayed together. If you stop and think about it since children involved are the ones that get hurt the worst and in the divorce no one thinks of that and most lawyers don’t care.
Will this happened also in the Philippines were there’ll be so many lawyers for divorce that they don’t even have to have a good reason to get a divorce. Here in the United States from the 50s to the 70s the laws changed so dramatic that you didn’t need a reason anymore for divorce.
I’m not sure if the Philippines have any laws about spouses cheat or beat their wives. Here in the United States we have a law for people to cheat on their wives or husbands. Those laws is never used or very seldom because it has changed so dramatic in the last 20 years. Back in the 50s 60s and even the 70s this law if you had caught your spouse cheating you could call the police and have your spouse and a one as he or she is cheating was arrest it was arrestable charge. The name of this law is alienation of affection. Now if you want to use this law the only thing you can do is to sue the person that you caught cheating with your spouse. And when it gets to court if he or she can prove that she or he was cheating with others before the one charged it is thrown out of court. So this law is merely a jester in this type laws. United States is gotten so far out of hand and if you smile at your spouse the wrong way your spouse can divorce you.
And now our divorce rate in the United States is portion to the 50% mark so that makes no sense to me. The family values. United States is gone to the wayside. In the Philippines have managed to keep a lot of their family values that have the law of no divorce.
Divorce might be okay there if they can keep the laws strict enough to keep it from getting out of hand and it becomes a lawyer’s game. And don’t have a good reason for that divorce.
I also thank divorce in the Philippines is something that most people would not be able to afford is you’ll have to have lawyers involved courts involved. And that takes money to do what the average person makes per year in the Philippines it’s just not in the budget. I think if the Catholic Church would like to stay away from this divorce law than they need to get involved in a different way. Maybe set up some sort of centers for counseling marriage couples. And more consulate before the marriage.
Here in the United States some men they get divorced with children have a tendency later to not pay child support now the children are buried in to our welfare system. Not everyone else has to pay for the fun that that man had and doesn’t want to stand up to the plate and be responsible enough to support his family. This is why statistics say that a child from divorce families has a lower rate of succeeding in life.
And then these men that don’t pay their child support: have more children with other women. I knew this one trucker got arrested and put in jail he didn’t pay as child support come to find out he had 13 children with eight different women. You don’t have to be married to people to have children with them but our laws say that you have to support those children and people get away without doing so. I know they have a problem in the Philippines that they have no laws on child support. So then the woman is stuck supporting and raising the children on their own. This happens already with no divorce laws what will it be like after the divorce laws. will they set child support for that spouse to pay and will that spouse do so and can they enforce it enough to make it work?
I know it has become here in the United States and I surely would not like to see a country that has no divorce and better family values, we do here change into the way of very most other countries with divorce laws. I hope the legislation thanks this through well before they do so. They are the only ones that can make it a good thing or a bad thing.
Hi Ed,
I agree.
In an ideal world there would be no divorce but the fact is marriages break down – for many reasons.30 years ago I was divorced from my then wife – the cause was her alcoholism which made any kind of normal life impossible.I had a young son and daughter – I tried to hold the marriage together until the children began to suffer then gave up. The court gave me custody of my children as it was obvious that my wife was incapable of caring for them. My parents then raised my children for me – with the approval of the court- while I went to work in Saudi to support them. Five years later I met my present wife and was given a second chance to have a decent happy family life – we have two children together and all four get along absolutely fine. If anyone thinks that divorce is an easy option I can state firmly that it is not – in my case it was the most traumatic period of my life which left me in a condition of great unhappiness and distrust of close relationship for several years.It was only when I met my present wife that I felt that I had returned to some kind of normality.Without the divorce laws that exist in my homeland I would have had no second chance – the best I could have hoped for is to have co-habited with someone and have any children stigmatised as illegitimate. The marriages of both the rich and poor can break down – why should it be that only the rich in the Philippines can end the marriage? Is the ordinary citizen to be denied what is available to the wealthy – annulments or foreign divorces ?
Hi Bryan – Thanks for sharing your story, it’s quite touching, and shows the need for divorce in the Philippines.
I believe that legalizing divorce in The Philippines is a good idea, although it could be a bad deal for those foreigners who are in a “marriage of convenience” when considering present property ownership laws. As for children caught in the middle, I believe that it is better that the parents divorce than stay under the same roof, constantly bickering. With divorce would come child support, something that seems less enforced, presently.
I’m sure that, if divorce became legal, the first few years would see a very high volume of applications. At some point, however, I believe that the volume would diminish and the strong cultural beliefs would set the course. I don’t believe that divorce should have restrictions, however, as I personally believe that government has no business in our personal relationships and what may seem to be a less than adequate reason for divorce for some, could prevent future suffering and, therefore, is of value for others.
I agree, if it were to be legalized, you’d have a rush to clear up all of the pent up demand. After that, I believe that divorce here in the Philippines would be lower than in most other countries.
Hi bob well i rekon they should allow divorce in the phills ,they should also promote family planing to ,look we were al young once in the old days if a girl got pregnant out of marriage she was sent to a convent had the baby and the child was adopted out ,when the juices get flowing in a young couple very hard to say no,here they used to adopt out unmarried mothers children now they pay them to have them i know of one case of a young woman who has three children all from different fathers child support for each plus benefits and pension,if you dont want to work what a life it makes a lot of the community angry when a young girl here gets pregnant out of marriage or relationship as in this day and age of contraception it should not happen ,not like when i was a young bloke and you spoke in a low voice to the chemist about what you wanted to buy ,i cannot understand why the church is so against this can they not see the poverty and hardship that it causes to some call me a heathan r whatever but sometimes i think the good lord must role his eyes and shake his head
chris
Hi chris – it seems like pregnancy out of wedlock is all too common these days. Even here in the Philippines.
I say it’s about time this law is changed. We don’t get married so we can divorce. So we have every intention to stay with the one we married. But not all the time it can work out well. Just have a look at Philippines and their extra marital activities. Geez……..rabbits…
Bob, congrats 21 years! Mine lasted 7 years.. no I am not divorced yet but have been separated for 2.5hrs…. to best describe…. mine was a case of .. I lost my wife when she became a mother…and with that in mind.. 3-4years later… I gave up.. and moved on… (thanks to my mum–as I see her relationship with my dad.)…
My mother’s point of view is this…. when you exchanges your vows, in there it says “till death do us part” and she holds that true.. her kids (us) that is… thought she would be better off without him….
Hi JC – The dynamics of a marriage change once you have kids, and it can be a hard adjustment for the husband, because without a doubt, some focus of the wife shifts to the kids. I know it was hard to adjust to that for me, but thankfully I made it. Sorry to hear that it did not work out in your case.
Hi Bob,
I have said this before in this blog. In the ’90’s my exwife told me to get a girlfriend, I didn’t, hoping to preserve the relationship, it didn’t work out. In 2001 I worked in Singapore and met my true love Daisy. We were instantly in love and dedicated forever. The previous marriage was gone after 2 more years. My son had graduated from high school and was on his own. I had been counting the years since he was 5.
My wife Daisy from RP had a previous marriage, and it took 7 years to get the marriage annulled, due to a cantankerous judge who thought he was god. We are now working on the spouse visa. We got married in RP on July 25 2009. A long haul! But we are perfectly matched Hurrah!
Jade
Congrats, John Edward. I am glad that everything worked out for you!