We’ve talked a lot about hiring maids lately, and some comments and e-mails that I have gotten have asked more questions. Like, one person asked “what kind of things will the maid do for you?” Well, let’s look at that!
Firstly, the maid will do most any jobs that are needed in a common household. For instance, they might cook, clean up, assist in caring for the kids, run errands, etc. Consider that most things that are reasonable, the maid will do it. A good maid will do all these types of domestic jobs and won’t complain about it. That is her duty after all. Her service in these areas will extend to the husband, wife and all the kids in the household. Our kids are under strict instructions not to abuse the maid by talking bad to her, or by demanding that she do things that are not reasonable. When I need something done, the maid will handle it. Usually, if I have a particular job that I want the maid to take care of, I will tell Feyma, and let her pass it along to the maid.
Now, this brings us to another question – what kind of things should you NOT expect your maid to do. Well, firstly and most foremost – don’t expect to use the maid for sex. I know a lot of people (both foreigners and Filipinos) who do use their maids in this way. I have even had friends who practically brag about doing this with the maid. One guy told me a couple years ago that “when his girlfriend was not around, the maid was happy to take care of him.” My lord! This is not a smart thing to do. Firstly, morally it is just wrong. Secondly, if you do that with the maid, you are giving the maid a powerful tool that she can hang over your head. If she went to the Police and accused you of sexual misconduct you could easily end up in jail! Another thing – she might threaten Police action just as a way to shake you down for money! It is just not a good idea to have a sexual relationship with the maid. Don’t do it!
Think of this… if you need a girlfriend (or a wife!), it is very easy to find that here. As a foreigner, honestly, if you just go to the mall and hang around for a while, girls will approach you. I know, because it happens to me all the time. Well, I just tell them that I am already married and it makes most of them go away, although some say that they don’t care about that and they go after you that much harder. I guess what I am saying is that sex is available, and you don’t need the maid to get it. Using the maid for that not only will get you into serious trouble, but it will also mess up the working relationship and you won’t get good results in the area of work! So, take my advice – your maid and your girlfriend should be two different people.
As Always Bob you make a persuasive case, a cutting edge peice of journalistic excellence, when it comes to the "Maid" my Gina is just reading what you wrote and laughing ! she said, its not the maid's threats you have to worry about, its what the Filipina wife will do if she has to find out 2nd hand !
I heard that having your equipment sewn back on after an attack by an angry Filipino wife, is always a risky operation and anyway, intensive care in Filipino hospitals is not the best place to be…she says" you have been warned hehehehehehee
Totally agree. If you have to ask your maid for sex–with plenty of women around–you're a pretty sorry excuse for a man. Ever heard the old saying, "Don't eat and s_ _ _ in the same place"? That holds true here. Having a sexual relationship with your maid is a recipe for disaster. Till next time….
If you are solicited by a girl in the mall and you want to make her go away the best strategy is a follows:
Look her straight in the eye and with a solemn face and posh voice say " That can never be for I am a priest, let us sit and talk of your sins "
Scott 🙂
I had a single friend living in the Olongapo area. He decided that his maid was cute, she decided she'd like to be married to an American, he was most decidedly not interested in being married, they did the deed, and it turned out just about as well as you can imagine.
This is your home. There are so many places that one can do such things. I have a different friend who lives in Angeles who likes the bar life, lives alone, and does not bring girls there. He prefers hotels for that sort of thing.
Hi Pete – ha ha… as I wrote this particular piece, I was thinking of some single friends who have indeed gotten involved with the maid. I forgot to include the married guys!
Hi Julius – Right on!
Hi Scott – Ha ha… that's a hilarious response!
Hi Tom – Wise thoughts!
let it be mentioned, that a rather high percentage of home robberies are sequelae of hiring a new maid. The girl lets the bf into the home. It's in the newspapers once a month or so.
Hi Alan – If you take time to search for a maid through friends and such, and check her out before hiring her, you should be able to avoid such problems. I know that we have never had such a problem ourselves.
I agree, Bob. Going through your network of relatives and friends are the best way to search for a maid. These groups usually refer people they already know, which translates to added security for you because you know where the maid came from. That's your maid's stake on working for you because she knows you know where she's from. Till next time….
Hi Julius – Thanks for backing me up on that. I know we have always had success. Usually we have gotten maids from family members who knew the parents, etc.
you are right Bob, there are so many women in the mall that would approach you and never care if youre married… they have no shame ….
Hi Bing – It really is quite interesting to be approached in that way. One time I was in Cebu at McDonald's having lunch and a girl came in and sat right down at my table and was really pressuring me to go with her. I got up and left without finishing my lunch. I was back in Cebu again a few months later, and the exact same girl came to me in McDonald's again!
Hi Bob,
Did you ask her if she was listed in the menu and …does she come with French fries? 😆 I’m sorry, Bob, I couldn’t help it, the encanto made me say it.
Bob
You are absolutely right about this. A couple days ago I heard on the radio about a married guy whose wife was going to be out of town for a month. So he and his wife decided to hire a maid to come in and clean the house while she was gone. The wife left the hiring to the husband who decided it would be fun to have nude maid come and clean the house. He just watched while the nude maid cleaned the house but he did not watch close enough. The maid ran off with over $10,000 worth of the wives jewelry and the husband needed to explain everything to the wife when she came home. I am sure this was bad enough in America but me being married to a filapina I would wake up in the emergency room having something reattached. 😥
Uno Asawa igo ra
You are right. The people you know that are having there service requirements met by the maid are on a dangerous road.
Hi MarcelinaWW – Just to be clear… this didn't happen to me. I was saying that I know friends who use the made for inappropriate activities… not me though! 😯
Hi Larry – Ha ha.. yeah, I heard about that story of the nude maid who stole $10k – I think it was in Florida if I remember correctly, but somewhere in the USA. Certainly, it's best to keep the maid working on household chores… and nothing else! 😀
I was reffering to the incident in Cebu, McDonald?? (post #11)
I'm positive it wouldn't be you, Bob! Feyma would be very "unthrilled" to put it lightly. 😀
Cheers!
Hi MarcelinaWW – Ah.. got it! I was thinking that it was about the column itself! I think I was showing my age! 😆
"This is not a smart thing to do. Firstly, morally it is just wrong. "
Bob – You covered it all right there. If that doesn't stop someone…then nothing else probably will. It's wrong and if anybody has to go to your other points about the problems with it…they deserve what's coming to them anyway.
Hi RichardInSC – Yep, I have to say that you are right on there!
Interesting article Bob,,not to change the subject but I ran across this booking some flight for next week , talk about over taxation!!!
PAL
Ticket Cebu – Manila one way 336.00 PHP
Taxes: 4,062.00 PHP
Total including taxes: 4,398.00 PHP
And to think this does not include the "mayors toll booth"
I'm considering swimming to manila !!!
PS that was for 2 adults
Hi Brian – Yeah, I have heard about those kind of deals! It's hard to imagine that so much of the price is just tax! 😡
Hi Bob, as you and Feyma know; we don't have any maids and we would never hire one. We got a lot of help (washing the clothes, ironing, gardening and many other things) only from family members. We are very happy and satisfied with them and they are happy for an additional income. But, I also know, that such things don't match in very family… 🙄
Sorry: it should be "IN EVERY FAMILY"…
Hi Klaus – Since our maid quit more than a month ago now, we also have had no maid. We just take care of everything around the house ourselves. We do have a live-out labandera who washes clothing a few times per week.
Hi Bob- Ask yourself , as a man, If you are in a happy relationship, why would you even consider abusing the hired help? Im sure you understand where im coming from.
Bob the idea of maids is so unusual for me-at least it ued to be. Marlou had a wonderful maid that became an extended part of our family. She sincerely cared for Marlou and luigi and they felt the same. When I ask Marlou what she misses the most about living in the Philippines the answer is the maid. Its not that Marlou is lazy-the maid was an extension of her daily routine and it freed her up to do the things that she enjoyed-like cooking and baking. By the way if you need a maid our old one is available from what I hear. Shes a good person and as hard a working maid anyone could find. Take care, Ron
Hi Bob,My wife says no maid and she will remove part of my personality if I should venture down that path.So i think your advice is sound and I shall follow it. 😉
Hi Anthony – I think what I hear you saying is that people who are using the maids inappropriately are those who are unhappy in their relationship? That's probably true, but it still is not a good thing to do, right?
Hi Ron LaFleur – Thank for the tip on your former maid. For now, Feyma and I have decided to go without a maid. it seems to be working out well.
Hi Jim – Losing body parts is generally not a good thing! 😆
Tip: Do not hire a family member as a maid. It makes it harder to discipline or to fire should the need arrise. 🙂
Hi Bob: This post is so timely. Just awhile ago, our housekeeper and her family left for the province. They stayed here for almost six months, and have sort of become attached to our own family. When we exchanged hugs and goodbyes, there were more than just a few tears shed. It's not the typical situation perhaps, but I'm glad to have been under the care of such warm, loving people. More than "just" a housekeeper and her family, really; wonderful friends is more like it. I hope that expats would get to experience this as well. (And no, you cannot possibly suspect that the connection is due to my sleeping with her!)
Cheers, and thank you for sharing the very insightful piece.
Bob,
Totally off topic but as you say, you don't have to go very far in the Philippines to get approached by girls. I've often wished I had visited the Philippines when I was about 16 years old. I think it would have changed my view of the world forever.. 😆
Good post! We have had many girls who have lived with us and worked for us over the years. We have been kind and paid fair wages and most have been wonderful and become like extended family. A few have not worked out and have abused our kindness. That's the way it goes.
Here is some advise I would add. If you have children in the home, have your maid checked for TB before the final hiring. A dose of anti-parasitic is also a good idea. Teach your kids to address the maid politely (Ate or Manang) with please and thank yous. It really pays off.
Bob mentioned that he asked Feyma to ask the maid to do things. This is a good practice. Generally, a maid works for the lady of the house, so instruction, correction and pay should come through the wife. This puts a little distance between the husband and the maid which is good. This does not mean that there is no friendliness or that the husband can give no instruction, when it is about his territory, but generally, a maid is in the wife's area of responsibility and she answers to her.
It is a good idea to decide ahead of time how much of a salary advance you will be willing to give. The family of the maid will ask her for help, and she will ask for an advance. We have a policy that they can not take more that one month's salary in advance, especially during the first year of employment.
As Julius has said, find a maid through someone whom you know and respect, and who will be motivated to find you someone good, or say they don't know anyone. I am very careful about who I recommend as a maid because I don't want to be responsible if it goes bad.
Most of our coworkers no longer have 'stay-in' maids. Most of them find that they prefer to pay a little more and have the maids go home when the work is done. This gives the employer more privacy and times when there is no one extra in the house, which is very important to most westerners.
Hi Jeff – That really is a good tip. I have been in that position myself. If you hire a family member, often they will also think that they can get away without doing certain parts of the job and such. It's not a winning strategy.
Thanks!
Hi Migs – I'm glad to hear that your family had a good person as a maid. Just sad to hear that she already left!
Hi Joe Parisi – I hear you! There certainly is a lot here to keep a single man busy! 😆
Hi AmericanLola – Thanks for sharing those good tips too. You have some good "add-on" information for the column that I didn't include, especially in regards to the lady of the house being the one to keep the maid in check. Thanks again!
Hi Bob,
Just want to share about girls approaching anyone in the malls for work or anything at all. What I'm about to write happened to my client, an American priest.
He was approached by a girl in a mall here in Davao for work. Having a big heart and wanted to help, he hired this girl without thinking about the danger of doing so.
One day, the so-called helper robbed his house and took his atm and other cards. Since he never thought this would happen, he just laid his personal data book which contains password, etc. in his bedroom. So you can just imagine what happened next…
He filed a report and informed the bank about the atm. Then, the bank officer told him: "sir, whoever has your card just withdrew another Php10,000.00 ". That happened while he was sitting at the bank..
I think she was able to get P30k total from the atm. 🙁 Very sad huh!
I guess, it's safe to say: never hire a helper without personal recommendations of friends or someone you know.
Thanks and God bless!
Lea C. Walker
Hi Lea C. Walker – wow very sad story! Your recommendation is a perfect way to avoid this kind of problem. 😯
I am just wondering why people need maid.
I don't think people had maids living in home countries.
Why do they feel the need to have maids, houseboys, etc. all of sudden living in Philippines?
Hi khaye – I can't speak for others, but in our case, we wanted to have a maid to help with chores around the house, free up our time to do things that were more important to us, etc.
Hi Bob,
Did you have maids in your home country?
I am also curious what are some differences between the home country and Philippines that drive many people to have maids?
Hi khaye – No, we never had a maid before. In the USA, I would estimate that far less than 1% of people have a maid, it is very rare. As for why we had a maid when we moved here, I would say that my answer in #40 above is the best answer I can give.
Hmmmm not sure if I agree with you Bob, on the maid thing. My maid is so good and I love her so much, I am going to marry her. Only joke Miss Daisy (typical Aussie humour ayaps ).
Hi Bob, this maid thing, Kahaye has raised the point, and we are the same as you mention in the US, i think in the UK, practically nobody has a maid, so, why do we have them here.
Spoke to my Swiss friend who lives nearby me here in central park, he married a Filipina 28 or so years ago, they brought up 2 beautiful children, no maid in Switzerland, no house help, husband (my friend) worked full time, wife brought up kids, did shopping, cooking, cleaning and garden etc etc, all no problem, moved here now and yes without children (because they are now adults and working, the kids that is) my friend lives in central park with his wife, but yes they have a maid.
Its just cultural here isn't it. The reverse case is
My sister in law here had a maid but she lived just a "starter home" in tagum, when she had her first baby, why?. Just like you say Bob, because it could help her , give her some company and free up some time to make life easier
So, not complicated really, first it is in the culture here, second plenty of people need the work, third and probably most practical it is affordable for most people and makes sense to the situation here in the philippines
Hi rick b – I agree with what you had to say. I think it was well thought out and well reasoned. I thought of something else while reading your comment.
If somebody asks – "you didn't have a maid where you came from, so why would you have one here?" Well, anybody who moves half way around the world obviously is looking for some kind of change or changes in their life. If they wanted everything to be the same as it was "back home" they would have just stayed there in the first place. Moving to a totally different place gives us the chance to sample changes, test them out and decide if those things are for us or not. Having a maid is just part of that, in my opinion.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, rick.