Living in the Philippines - A Tale of two cultures - Support networks
A discussion about the pros and cons of having the extended family
I am very interested in the above subject, I want to know how other foreigners have adjusted to being around lots and lots of people in one place, and I am not talking about SM or Robinsons, its not quite as simple as that, before I write about my current post, I would like to say that I will be writing about my observations, I shall make no comment of what I like or dislike, but to merely tell you how I see things and the cultural differences between my life in my home country and that in the Philippines, Bob has alluded to this subject many times.
My object here is to gain a wealth of viewpoints about family life in the Philippines and how it compares to a culture that many of will simply leave behind when we retire to the Philippines, so how does it compare.
Firstly, we all know that there is one major difference between the Philippines and the western world, its simply this, Dependency and its the type of dependency that affects all of us.
In Western cultures we tend to be independant, self sufficient, for example I was visiting a friend recently and we were discussing the economy in our country, we mentioned one or two things paticularly about the U.S.Real estate market and the knock on effects of the sub prime lending market, I know one or two British investment banks have got their fingers burned in this market, and his comments to me were quite sobering.
It kind of went something like this “You know what Pete, I worry sometimes about the future, I have some savings, but the thing is, we dont have that fantastic culture like the Philippines, in their country, you put your children to college/university, and you spend all your life trying to make life better for your children, and later on when you get older, they just simply take care of you, they will never let you go without, hmmm I wish we could learn from that.”
My freinds reply when we sat in starbucks together, kind of stuck in my mind, did I hear myself correctly “We dont have that fantastic culture like the Philippines” those words still ring out today, its the amazing feat we have as human beings of seeing several outcomes of given situations.
Here in the West, we seem to be extremely independant, we look to no one for support, neither morally or financially, we can do it on our own, we dont want Mothers, Fathers, brothers and Sisters, Grandmothers and Grandfathers, cousins and friends telling us what to do, and how we should conduct our lives, we have become isolated.
Lets take isolation somewhat further, with divorce now 1 in 2 in the UK, I have no figures for the rest of the European Union, or the U.S.A. but I dont doubt its similar, there are more single person households than ever before, a recent government report I read in the Guardian newspaper a popular London publication tell us that by 2030 2 out of 4 houses/appartments will have 1 sole occupant, the rush to build condominium style accomdations is rising at a rapid rate.
The 21st century being the information age, we now have a large array of international chat freinds, we consume huge amounts of our time on personal computers in effect locking ourselves away behind multi bolted doors, we relate to each other now by fax modem, Blackberry, Mobile Phone, Voice Mail, picture messsaging, we exchanging photos, and yes here it comes
- partcipate in asychronous BLOGGING !
Is there no end in sight, we have no one to rely on but ourselves, and yet with all of our technology and amusement pastimes, we still find that there is something yet lacking in our lives, thats leads me on to a story I would share with you all.
Actually to make it more applied to our discussion, its about me, yes I have a little story to tell, and here it is: I have been living alone in London for the last 3 weeks, does not time fly, my wife is living at present at the other house in the Philippines, she is due back shortly, but as mentioned above, with all such technologies available to us, we keep in touch by phone card, yahoo, and skype voip, text message and mobile voice call, during the last 3 days, i have succumbed to extremely bad back pain, so much so that on Friday evening I had to spend the day recuperating in bed, it was a boring experience, at one stage I could not even get to the bathroom, needless to say, when you have to go you have to go, beleive me, I finally made it.
What it did make me realize is that it occured to me the hard way, that as I could not get to the kitchen, I could not get anything to eat, or drink, who could I call to help ? its not that I dont have freinds, I do ! the problem is, the nearest one could get hold of was some 89 miles to the West, my parents would always be happy to help, they live 230 miles to the North, and anyway, I am kind of embarassed to bother anyone, I would rather suffer in pain, than bother someone out of their routine, so the only thing open to me, was to call my wife.
Naturally, she sympathised, “Take this honey” “Do that” “Put this one” etc etc, but there was little else she could do, being 6000 miles away, its not like she could pop over on the train, or bus and take care of some of my immediate needs, nope I was in a fix, no cousins, no brothers, no sisters, no mothers, no Fathers, no helpers, no drivers, in fact, no one anywhere within a 200 mile radius to help me out ?
It suddenly occurred to me, my goodness, I could be dead and no one would know about it, until the flies started gathering at the door to my appartment, (time to call Gil Grissom and CSI).
My wife made a comment to me that kind of made me sit up and take notice, she said “Ah honey, in the Philippines you would never have been in that situation, in our house at present its quite, only 5 people around today, not as many as ususal, my wife told me that families are close in the Philippines, there is always a support network around, if you feel sick, someone is there to help, if you need something, someone is there to get it, if you are without, someone will always offer a helping hand.
I think we sure could learn something here, so foreigners have you adjusted to the extended family, I can see one or two pros about having them around, cant you ? sometimes I have made comments about how they just turn up unexpected, or that cousins pop in uninvited, or high school classmates or other freinds are just in the neighbourhood, when I look back, yes I would have to say, that I kind of liked the constant visits, the sitting out at night chatting and having coffee, the laughter and jokes being told, the exchange of ideas, and the brain storming sessions.
Having family in the Philippines seems to be a blessing, I heard that the chinese believe that for one to be without family is a serious loss, almost as someone who is not rich, when I once arrived in the Philippines, I was asked by a hotel clerk, do you have your companion with you Sir ? I answered no I came alone ! she remarked “Sir without a companion ” “But who do you travel with” “I DONT I TRAVEL ALONE” ohhh I could not do that!
Now I understand just how important it is for the Filipino people to belong to groups, in fact look at them and how they travel, you never see them alone, there is always 5 or 6 of them or even more, look at them in starbucks, shakeys, or other pizza or coffee shops, they are always in a group, look at the Filipino families going out to dinner, they are never alone, always out together, there must be something in it, I found it quite some time ago, to have a family is to have security, and a support network that will always be there for you.
I think support networks are so important, thats why I love this blog, because everyone here seems to have the same interests, why I have noticed on this blog, offers of help, advice and recently even offers of accomodation when one is in a certain city, it just goes to show that we in the West have something to learn, I would be interested in all your views on this, my questions are along the lines of:
1. Do you like having family visits at your home.
2. Do you like being part of a big family in the Philippines.
3. Would you rather be more isolated and not have much contact.
4. Do you find occasion when consulting extended family is a benefit.
5. Are you the sort of person who prefers to be left alone and lives more privately.
6. Have you adjusted to the Filipino way of life when it comes to extended families.
7. What are the pros and cons.
All of your views are important, if you would like to comment on my thoughts please do so.
[...] the Webmaster Living in the Philippines - A Tale of two cultures - Support networks » This Summary is from an article posted at Live In The Philippines! on Sunday, August 26, 2007 [...]
Pete
Asychronous
come on Pete give me a chance, ok google will help me….with Angie’s abstract thinking and your vocab well this blog certainly keeps us all on our toes
Nottinghill carnival today but even apart from these events you are right our culture (in uk) is so fragmented, like you say in your piece.
I lived in Africa (4 years Zambia in the 1980’s) and saw how a person trying to get on was held back by his obligations to look after his extended family, this was stronger in my opinion in African culture than it is now in the Phils, and there are good points and bad points
To specifically answer one of your questions, i like the extended family situation, look at the difference Bob has found when taking his family to Gen Sant, and then on to Davao, some problems but look at the pastoral side that strongly comes from his postings, helping neices / nephews / adopting a beautiful daughter, my goodness the good things far outweigh the negative. but there are negatives
Pete, hope you are well enough to enjoy the carnival, too far for me, we live in yorkshire……..for now
Hi Pete your artickle it’s good I like yes I have the same
problem in Athens I am live with my wife. My father and my
mother die many years before I have 3 brothers they are
married but I have not communication you know why europe
system of life. You know I try to go and stay and live in philippines because I like the communication with family
of my wife. In europe you live alone.
1. I like but no every day
2.so and so
6.yes
3.
4.
5.
7.
I forget to make translation because my english is no special.
Hi Pete,
Thanks for the article. I would like to throw something extra into the mix, and really this will be coming from “left field” as far as the article and discussion has gone thus far.
I’m a New Zealander, having been born in England, but I’ve lived in NZ 46 years compared to in England (twice) for 8 years. The indigenous people of New Zealand are the Maori.The Maori people are like the people of the Philippines. They are very family orientated and its not uncommon for mothers and fathers to rear their own childrens children or nieces and nephews for that matter, and even distant cousins. So they are like one large interlocked family in many cases. Incidently although I’m english born and white I go to a church that is 98% Maori people and interact socially with these people week by week.
The one difference between Maori and Philippina/o people is that the Maori people have in the past been dispossessed of their land and I can tell you this has a very large influence on how people and families inter-react with each other. You can see it just in the kind of smile a people have. Because the Philippines has a policy of land must be owned by the Philippine people it creates a stability within the culture. With Maori although they are now (very slowly) having some of their land returned to them they have many problems within their culture and it is caused by a sense of not belonging anywhere because their land has been taken from them. The native indian of America are another example of people dispossessed, along with the aborigine of Australia. Which is why it doesn’t concern me in the least that I can’t own land in the Philippines. I’m happy that my (to be) asawa retains it. (after all we are only custodians of the land on behalf of our Creator anyway)
In a strange way this is beginning to have an affect on the isolation of western culture, but in a reverse situation. Where in the west we may own land/house we have lost our family.
I trust this makes sense to the reader and I’m happy to elaborate on any points not made clear.
Pete,
Your viewpoint hits the mark spot on.
My wife, Emy, and I are now “empty-nesters” with our two sons living over 2,000 road miles away. We have friends, but they’re scattered all over the world. The closest are about 30 miles away. When Emy would travel somewhere and leave me at home (to work), I’d sometimes wonder how an emergency (or worse) would be handled.
You’ve identified an unspoken reason for our upcoming retirement back in the Phils. While we “invested” all of our material wealth in making sure our sons achieved success in life (good home, nutrition, top-drawer education, etc.), we sometimes wonder if they will have the time for a couple of oldies later on in life. They say they will, but we don’t want to place too large of a burden on them (we want grandchildren, not a couple of 60-ish bachelors, looking after us!). We tried to make sure that they learned the ways of their Mother’s culture as well as their Father’s!
When we go back home to the Phils, the extended family envelopes us and all the support we need is there for us. Of course, having others do things for you that you’re physically and mentally capable of doing (because they respect you as an elder and feel it their duty to do those things for you) does take a little adjustment.
Q & A time:
1. Do you like having family visits at your home.
—Yes, so long as they are visits, and not mass migration. A couple of days are fine; a couple of months isn’t.
2. Do you like being part of a big family in the Philippines.
—Most definitely. The more, the merrier!
3. Would you rather be more isolated and not have much contact.
—Mostly a day-to-day question, I think. There are days when I just want to be left alone (not many, but they do occur). Then there are days when I want to be surrounded by family (a few more than the alone days). Most days, moderate contact rules the day.
4. Do you find occasion when consulting extended family is a benefit.
—It’s always a benefit. Their experience and guidance help clear cloudy issues. Even consult from those “less desireable” family members will allow you to “look at the cards they are holding” to determine how they will react to your decisions (sort of a preventive measure, so to speak).
5. Are you the sort of person who prefers to be left alone and lives more privately.
—Same as #3. Privacy is important, but you cherish it more when it’s hard to come by.
6. Have you adjusted to the Filipino way of life when it comes to extended families.
—Quite a bit. Mano po is a must with elders. Making sure all are offered something to eat & drink, too. Respect for siblings and contemporaries produces a firm support base. Enjoying and taking care of the children ensures smiles and laughter (and future support base members!). Of course, there is so very much more-each of these are a sample per age range.
7. What are the pros and cons.
—Too many to list, but they can be grouped:
Pros = it all “happens” whenever we’re back in the Phils.
Cons = it doesn’t “happen” elsewhere.
Hi Richard-I totally agree with you. When I was a child families tended to live closer together Aunts and Uncles Cousins etc were within easy reach of each other. Even close neighbours took responsibility for minding their own neighbours children during holidays and when your own parents had to go on earands etc.
During this era children had manner were generally polite and respectful to their elders and especially to teachers,policemen, church ministers and so on.
Nowadays as you say immeadiate families remain close not necessarry withing easy reach but extended families such as my brothers and their children the Uncles to my children don’t live close by and as such have had no real influence on their upbringing or social welfare.
The reason for this has been mainly due to the constant search for emplyment and subsequent prosperity which necessitates the purchase of land and property.Once the land and property has been purchased it then becomes harder to move around geographically and return to the family seat so to speak.
When most common people owned nothing they tended to stick together as you first pointed out. Perhalps prosperity is the cause of the breakup of the extended family life as we once knew it and that is why people with little or nothing by comparison stick together.
Hi Pete
Enjoyed the article, I am from the US and the story you tell sounds very similar to my own. I was raised on a farm with lots of family always around, but unfortunately as I grew so did progress and tranportation. Now families are as you say scattered all over the world. I recently visited Davao, that is where my wife is from, being my first trip there I didn’t know what I would encounter, I laugh at a lot at the articles on this blog because they are so true. It seemed like my wifes family came out of the woodwork, so to speak, to meet us. My wife’s one Uncle has raised 22 children of his own, Amazing!! I enjoyed it very much because it was something that I was used to as a child.
So my thought about it is that I will be moving to the Philippines very soon to get back to the simple family life I knew growing up. The way I look at it, in the end Family is all we really have.
Hi Pete - I believe that I have found a nice balance. Not the loneliness of the west, yet not the 20 or 30 family members in my house all the time either. As you know, we live in Davao, about 100 miles north of General Santos where my wife’s family lives. We are far enough away that visits must be kind of coordinated and are not a daily thing. However, we do have a support network. The difference is that we have hand picked those who we want to be in that network. We have a number of nieces and nephews living with us here in Davao. It makes for a nice balance - there are always people around to help out if needed. These people also grow into a close family for us too, because we all live together. The nieces are like daughters to me, and my nephew is like a son.
Hi Pete,
Sorry to hear about your back problems. I have a bad back, and knees, something to do with being in the forces, i think…..hehhe. Hope its ok now ?
Well, it looks like youve done it again.
You know, I hadnt really thought about this, but youre right. Our society has changed, I can remember, when i was very young, my grandmother lived on the same street as us, and, I think, 5 of my Father’s sisters too.
Yes, families were much closer than they are now, and I didnt realise, how much I missed it. You see, all of my relatives are dead, or moved away now, there is only my sister, and she is moving away soon.
I have become isolated over the years, fistly, through marriage to Myrna, ( most of my friends didnt like the idea ), and through choice, I think, I just wanted to concentrate on my immediate family, do you know what I mean?
Sure, we have friends, but I am a big believer in family, they are whats really important. I like it, very much, when all the family comes together, ” as long as they know when to go home “, and like you, I enjoy their company. Of course, there are times when I would like to be on my own for a day, but generally speaking, they are welcome anytime.
Like Charlie, it will be a return to the times when I was most happy, and we can forge new friendships when we are there too. We are really looking forward, not just to moving to the Philippines, but to starting a new life.
I believe I can answer a firm YES, to all your Q+As, with the exeptions of 3+5
By the way, did you get my earlier post? I put it on an earlier article.
Ian
Hi Rick,
We are neigbours, we live in Cheshire, but I come from Lancashire, just over the pennines from you.
Ian
Hi Ian
I was born in Cheshire, stockport (stepping hill hosp) and lived there for many years but i escaped some few years ago, its ok here in yorkshire (hudds), the east west divide has eased somewhat, apart from manchester and liverpool, ooouch still the same, where are you from?
Hi Rick, did google sort out the term for you Asynchronous, hahahaha, synchronous is probably similar to instant messaging, Asynchronous is bulletin board messaging, very similar to Bobs Blog.
I like Bobs family setting, he has it all yes, neices and nephews, cousins etc, no shortage of helping hands when required, Bob is quite blessed in this respect, I hope to have that also in the future.
No I didnt feel up to the Notting Hill Carnival this year, I hail from Yorshire also, south actually between good old Donny and Barnsley mate, I came from the Democratic republic of South Yorkshire many years ago, but now I live inthe London area.
Hi Richard, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this post, I could not agree with you more, we are only custodians of the land, I take a similar view, actually all this land ownership is kind of false really isnt it, I mean we buy these plots of land, but really it will be there long after we go, and has been there millions of years before we arrived.
We cant take it with us, there are no pockets in a shroud, and there is no point in being the wealthiest person in a cemetry, its laughable isnt it, I have no problems with my asawa owning the real estate we have, she laughs about it, and says, everyone knows here in the Phil that you paid for it, they know I cannot afford it.
Hahahaha, Filipinos are pretty tuned in to the fact that the foreigner has paid for the land and house, they kind of accept that situation, who care who owns it Richard, I just wanna live in it.
HAHAHAHA
Paul, hi thank you for sharing your thought with us, the answers seem to be pretty well balanced, we like family, but not every day, we like to have them around, but not all the time, we like it when they are there to the help us, but hope they know when its time to go home.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
They are like grandchildren, nice to have, nice to enjoy, but nice to give back when its time.
Hello Charlie,
Best of luck with your mag-anak,hehehehehe, extended family can bring many benefits, and your wife will love you for it if you embrace them, hahahaha, best of luck with it.
Get ready for lots of names to remember, such as Lek lek, tin tin, boy boy, honey girl, sweety pie, precious, peaches, apples, Ning Ning, Mellit, Nong, Neh, lovely, Let Let, Mai Mai or what about Jun Jun, ding dong, bing bong, bang bang,
hahahahaha go for it Charlie. !
Hi Ian, thanks for your best wishes, I wouldnt wish this bad back on my worst adversary, and I consider him a close personal freind, so I wouldnt wish it on him, there is an old saying Ian, remember it, keep your freinds close, but your enemies closer, so I wouldnt put my bad back on him.
Yes Ian sadly our society has changed big time, have you noticed, people just dont care anymore, no one wants to help anyone, you could be in your house for days, and no one would find out if you are alive, we all live a isolated existance.
Thankfully we are going to a country where that does not happen, or at least is not as bad.
I saw your earlier posts, sorry Ian i am struggling to answer my bank holiday is pretty miserable, so I am just taking my time.
Hi Bob, good to hear from you, you certainly have found a nice balance, and I think you have shown us the way forward, I have also started that process of hand picking who I like and can live around, its interesting what you said.
I noticed that there are certain ones you feel that you could have around, and yet there was one person who I strongly told my wife I did not want around, this person was constantly criticizing the size of our lot, the type of house, the workmanship, he is the type of person who says
“You paid too much ! you could have got it cheaper, its not done right, you should have done this ! I could have done that for you, this is not right, your house is smaller than I thought,”
Those are just some of the comments we had by a so called relative, dont know about you Bob, but i dont want that type of relative around, i made it clear to my wife he is not to be at the house, he can come around and say hello, but i dont want him living with us or near us…
I also met some family who are a joy to have around, and immedeatly I met our helper, I knew she was right for us, just as you have alluded to in the past Bob, getting a good helper is important.
I also took to the driver straight away, its interesting Bob, I find that the helper and the driver seem to be like family anyway, and we all sit out and eat, when the meal times comes.
Thanks for your insights.
Hi Pete,
I haved lived alone for 14 years now and I have also experienced the problems that come with that, I once had a serious sports injury and found it very difficult to get around for 3/4 weeks, just going to the loo or getting downstairs to make something to eat had to be planned to coincide so that I didn’t have to move twice. Yes it was difficult but we get though it.
I am single but I do love to have my immediate family(brothers/sisters) around but only for a few days, I am from Glasgow but live in london so don’t get to see them often. I’ve lived in this house for 8 years now and the most my neighbour and I have spoken is just to say “good morning” which is the norm here. I can’t say that I mind that as it gives me privacy whereby in my childhood you could never get privacy.
My mother had 17 children, I enjoyed always having someone around but these days I do like my own company. I’m sure I could cope with an extended family if it ever came to happen but I sure would miss those days of privacy.
I’ve learned good pointers from this site about how to keep visits etc to a minimum which will hold me in good stead for the future.
Interesting post as always Pete.
Hi Pete - I could not have that complainer around either. Too negative! I want to enjoy life, and he would ruin that for me!
Another thing for me - I cannot have a driver. I tried it before, but I didn’t like it. I really enjoy driving myself wherever I want to go. I like having control of the wheel myself. Tie this in with your post about personal security. For me, one of the reasons that I like to be behind the wheel is that if there was any kind of ambush or anything like that, I know that I could do the very best job to get out of the situation. I feel like a lot of drivers would just stop and let whatever happens happen. Thankfully, I have never been in that kind of situation, but I do feel safer and more comfortable being behind the wheel myself.
There is a lot of things to talk about in this particular blog and one could only speak for himself/herself based on his/her upbringing and experiences. The questions posted here connotes the so called “Close Family Ties” culture of the Filipino people. The question is: Is this an advantage or a disadvantage. In my view as a Filipino, it is more beneficial but there are some inconveniences that come along with it. Having a close family ties in the Philippines represents security in terms of needs for self esteem and belongingness. It’s a tradition that we have inherited from our ancestors to uphold intimacy within the family and into their extended families later on when siblings get settled down with their own family. Even within the Philippines settings there is always a lot of adjustments to make when a member of the family got married to a person coming from a different region in the country because each and every family has different ways of showing closeness to there families. But the bottom line is we Filipinos have common ground to adapt the tradition of a close family ties. In a situation where a member of a family or a family ties knot to another culture (e.g. western culture), may it be marriage, business partner, friendship, etc…the period of adjustment and understanding each other’s culture is a thing that both parties should work hand on hand in order to have harmonious relationships. There are only two determinants for this, failure or success. So now let me focus on a single entity which is ‘your marriage’ to a Filipina/Filipino and considering your plan to settle down in the Philippines. Are you ready to adapt the Filipino style of “close family ties” culture? Let me just cite three scenarios that would trigger this ‘close family ties’ culture not so beneficial for other culture (pls. note that these three scenarios below are not always the case in real life):
1) When your wife/husband used to be the main financial provider of her/his family, expect that she/he will still be helping her/his parents or siblings after your marriage;
2) Expect a family or a relative knock on your door asking help or to borrow money; and
3) Expect family visits from time to time without prior notification.
If you fail to adapt or accept the abovementioned scenarios, it does not mean that you will be totally condemned by your extended families. You will be only tagged as “Kuripot” (means Stingy) or “Dalo” (means selfish). It is just that this ‘close family ties’ tradition correlates to another tradition called ‘the sense of gratitude”. When you help a member of a family or a relative, this person would always consider it as gratitude and would try to repay it in whatever way possible. When time comes that you are the one in need, this person will never let you down (e.g. taking care of the elder). There are of course some members of the extended families that does not have a sense of gratitude and perceive as if the world owes them a living. It shall be noted also that not all your good intentions of helping extended family will be a success. So just be perceptive of who is worth a help, help only if you can and it should be coming from your heart. You may consider it as an investment but don’t expect 100% ROI (return on investment) but consider it as a charity.
Hi Rick,
Hey, thats where we live, not too far from Stepping Hill…..small world.
Originally, I come from Ashton-under-Lyne, do you know it?
Ian
Hi Pete,
Im a believer in the ” your family are your closest friends “, and although most of them are now dead, and my sister is widowed, and now moving away with her boyfiend, I still feel that way.
Its not very pleasant, knowing, if we died no one would know, or give a damn here.
Last October, Myrna’s Nanay died, and it is really good to know, that on the anniversary of her death, everyone will go to the gravesite, and hold a vigil. We cannot be there, but Myrna will send over some money, to help with the expences.
I believe that it was ” National Heroes Day, yesterday, in the Phils. That got me thinking.
The one thing that we simply MUST do, when we get there, is to find again, her Tatay’s gravesite.
We recently contacted the American Forces Adiministration, to see if he was entitled to any medals, ( Myrna has nothing of his ), Myrna didnt know him very well,as he died of the wounds which he recieved, during the last world war, when she was a child.
Then, they arrived, and quite a lot of them too. ( James, our Son, is very proud of his grandfather, now He knows what a hero really is, i saw his chest puff out with pride ). So now, she can return to the Phils, knowing that she has done evrything here, find her Father’s gravesite, see her Mother’s grave, and be at peace, before we go to Rizal to live.
That is important too, when leaving your country of origin, to be at peace, with the move, ( get everything sorted out, see everyone, do everything that needs doing etc ),well, I think so anyway.
I for one, am looking frward to the move, a new start, in a new place.
Wont miss the bank holidays though?…..hahahaha
By the way, what do you think of the post I made regarding time deposits etc? Perhaps the financial side of making a move could make an interesting blog? I know that Bob has done one, but from the American viewpoint. Perhaps you could do one from the Brit point of view?
Take care of your back.
Ian
Ian
Yes of course i know A-U-L very well, although it is not my favourite place tameside, seems very unfriendly to me even now and i was / am / from there, do you know what i mean?
i am from stockport and lived there for many years but after working in asia and returning without anywhere specifically to live, i was never going back to stockport, even though most of my family still live there (one of the main reasons for moving away….oooops sorry Mum, although she can’t use a computer and would guess blogging was something to avoid….digressing here)
where in stockport are you Ian? i lived in great moor and hazel grove, went to stockport school and stockport college
i think you are the Ian who was in the army like Pete?
Pete i also know south yorkshire quite well, used to work in sheffield (meadowhall project, i am in construction) so know donny / barnsley area quite well, like you say the republic of south yorks, not very interesting for the non britts but we lived through it, arthur scargill and dennis skinner, dennis still going i think, “KING” arthur dead now i think…..aaah well, don’t suppose him and maggie T will greet eachother fondly in the next world….must finish here am talking gibberish (especially for the non britts and the is a LIP blog) sorry……..
all the best
sorry Pete, replied above to Ian
won’t bore everyone with a repeat, hope your back is better
have you kissed and made up with Louie?
Hey Rick, glad to hear you worked on Meadow hell !, incidentially going off topic, Gina and I were there a few weeks ago, meeting my Nanay ! Gina’s mother in law, I appreciate our non American readers and our far east readership, and by the wasy, our European readership, cos I think we have a reader from the Adriatic or Greek Islands, they wont want to hear about meadow hell, King Arthur I thought he was still around, but as for the Beast of Bolsover, yes he is around.
Speaking of you living in stockport and not wanting to go back, I will be doing a post about that very subject so watch out for it today.
Your comments here nicely sum up my own sentiments about the subject. This is the way I feel about family as I’m sure is also the way they feel about me.
I love the company of people (and family) but I need to have a lot of “dates” with myself. Solitude in healthy doses keeps me well aligned. After all, if I cannot bear my own company only, how can I expect others to bear with me?
As the lines in “The Invitation” (a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer) go:
———————————————————————-
“I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.”
———————————————————————-
So to me, empty moments are just as precious. I eagerly await them with the same excitement as I would company.
Items #1/#2 listed above are critical aspects of the Filipino/western inter-marriage. I wonder how folks have handled these? These are stressors in this bi-cultural marriage and if yours has survived a long time, say beyond 7 years, then you must have skillfully navigated these.
Hi Rick,
I know what you mean re; A-u-L.
When I left, to go into the army, it was a really nice town, friendly, everyone knew you etc.
When I returned, it was a hell hole, and I vowed to move away from there. Now, I visit there very rarely.
We are in the Bramhall area, though more towards Davenport, and the same thing is happening here now, though not as bad.
Ian
Ian
My first flat was on davenport park road, i have fond memories of it, and bramhall is posh, well it is if you come from hazel grove. i live in huddersfield now and it is ok, fine, poor Pete living in london, no wonder he is aiming for the Phils, but seems we all are. This blog certainly helps me, hope it does for you too
Hi Rick,
We live fairly close to Davenport station, round 400 yards away, so, were not in the really posh part of Bramhall…hehehehe. The area is nice, but we have to put up with all the skally’s from Adswood and the surroundings.
Just lateley, they have started coming into Bramhall, and misbehaving.
So you live in Huddersfield do you? I have passed through it often, on my way to Scarborough etc.
Did you have to surrender your passport, at the border? hehehehe Seriously, I agree with you, the Yorkshire/Lancashire war of the roses does seem to have quietened down of late, though I think that the Yorkies have never forgiven us, for winning,…..hahahha, and the dales are very beautiful, during a ” normal ” summer, but not this year, it has been awful, hasnt it?
Ian
Hi Teng
good to read your “3 pointers” (#20). I’ve duly noted these in my memory cells.
Hi Ian
I’m a country boy at heart, having worked and lived on farms for some 18 years here in New Zealand. One of the things I’m looking forward to doing when I arrive in the Philippines is visiting my (asawa’s) Nanays farm and riding the Carabao to the watering hole. Planting rice could also be an experience as well, although not sure how the back will cope.
Hi Rick:
Planting rice is never fun, as the Pilipino song goes. You can ask your asawa about the lyrics and melody!
When I was a kid I used to excuse myself from planting and just did the easier job: uproot rice seedlings from muddy seed bed or fix snacks for the planters.
Sorry, Post #33 is for Richard. A mixed-up between Richard and Rick…Time to get a little nap.:eek:
Hi Richard,
Post # 31: I’m glad that you noted my pointers. Just also note that these are not always the case in real life especially if you set some standard ordinances and it should be with your wife’s concurrence.
Your post # 32: Where’s your nanay’s house in the Philippines. Just beware of ‘ALIMATOK’ (leaches) when you help planting rice.:wink:
HI Richard,
I think te back would give me some problems if I was planting rice….hahahaha, but I know what you mean, when we were there in 2001, we went to a small fishing village in the Illocos Norte region, to stay for a few days, with friends. and i took James out on the back of a carabao. They are so tame, and gentle arent they? The guy who owned it too was a typical filipino farmer, and so friendly. We really had a good time there.
Where in the Phils are you going to? Most of the people here seem to be either in, or going to Mindanao, and I think we are in the minority, as were going to Rizal province.
Ian
Hi Ian,
I’m coming to Mindanao early next year. Will be on the other side of “the hill” (Mt Apo) from Bob. Currently selling my house and filling in all the paperwork for the all important documentation.
Hi Richard,
Yep, I know what you mean, we have got to sell everything yet, so it may be a while before we are there, you will probably beat us to it.
Are you taking anything with you? We had a quote of £29,000 to transfer all our stuff there….needless to say, we decided to sell everything.:grin:
It will be worth the trip for you, ” over mount Apo “, just to get one of Bobs famous dinners….hahahaha.:wink:
Best of luck with your move, and maybe we will meet someday.
Ian
Hi Ian,
No I’m selling everything bar a few items that I will leave at my sons place in New Zealand. The plan at this stage is for my asawa and I to come back to New Zealand after about 6 - 10 months. Whether we just visit NZ for a holiday or to stay I will play by ear, as NZ may just be a little chilly for my wife to be. In that case I’m quite happy to return back to the Philippines as we have already purchased a lot there (in the Philippines) anyhow. I’m a real “green fingers” so I’m looking forward to getting some fruit trees planted and a veggie garden going on the new lot.
Hi Richard,
Good plan, I hope all goes well for you both.
I know what you mean about it being a bit chilly, Myrna still wears god knows what in bed, and she is still on ” Philippine time “, hehehehe
I, for one, will be glad to get rid of the central heating once and for all, you dnt need it there, in the Philippines, do you ?
Ian
1. Do you like having family visits at your home.
Yes, as long as they text first before coming over. We also invite them over for diner fairly often and to outings on samal island
2. Do you like being part of a big family in the Philippines.
Yes, I’m not close with, nor accepted by my family back in the states
3. Would you rather be more isolated and not have much contact.
I went through that in the states, sure I like quiet time every so often but I’m not a hermit nor do I want to be.
4. Do you find occasion when consulting extended family is a benefit.
Yes, they helped me find the house I’m buying
5. Are you the sort of person who prefers to be left alone and lives more privately.
My private life is my own and my wife’s, noone elses. I do not tolerate nor put up with chismis about us as certain members of the family have found out to their detrement
6. Have you adjusted to the Filipino way of life when it comes to extended families.
Certainly, I accepted it before I even came over here to start courting my wife
7. What are the pros and cons.
When my wife and I have an argument I can go over tatay’s house and rink red horse
Seriously, my wife was the breadwinner of her family and most of her extended family, and by marrying her I have removed that. I have kinda filled in for her in that role and some days I feel like the Godfather. They understand and accept that I help them then later on they extend me a favour should I need help with something. My family back home is Italian and my uncle Carl is the “Godfather” of our family right now so it’s something I am used to dealing with.