What would your mum do?
Last week I came out and wow what a wonderful response from across the world, and especially here in my new adopted country. So thanks for the nice words .
Now that I am living here in the Philippines I sometimes am amazed at the contradictions in the attitude to sexuality.
This beautiful country is predominantly catholic and therefore it is amazing to think that in the main being a gay man here in Davao city is more acceptable than in my home country in the UK.
Do not get me wrong I love the UK, and if I wanted to go to certain areas of London I could “mix” in the gay crowds, but thats not me. I have always realised that being in a selective group of any description is not protective but is insular and I knew that I wanted to move in all areas of the community be it gay straight,black,Asian whatever.
I have met many friends here who struggle with the “gay” aspect of the Philippines, as unless they are totally effeminate they call themselves bi-sexual as a sort of safety net. As if its better to say that and not the word gay, however foreigners who are “gay” are not thought of in the same way.
The catholic influence is in all aspects of this country even in Big Brother who have a CONFESSION ROOM, where the rest of the world calls in the diary room.
I have been honoured to meet families of friends here who accept me as a gay visitor, but it does seem that any gay conversation is not included amongst the family members.
One of my well educated friends has been given “pills” to help cure him, even though his sister is lesbian and that seems more accepted, imagine the pressure he must be under and the pressure of his parents to instigate such a thing. Today he was asked to leave the family home because he would not take the cure of medication!!!
I am glad to say that I have NEVER had any problems in DAVAO with being gay, infact the only problem has been with the first world ex-pats, and most of my Pinoy friends gay or straight, boys or girls are just happy to share company in a bar and the sense of fun is more important then your sexuality.
Having said that , as mentioned above, its ok for me to be gay but if my friends who are Pinoy are gay it seems to be a problem, as I have met friends who beg me not tell their other friends or their parents, even to the fact they sometimes use false names when out with me.
I respect what they ask, I might no agree but I remember my own challenges when I was young and coming out to mother dear, she kept asking me when I was getting married, the word being “GAY”, was being polity ignored.
Now my mum is cool with it, I have been out for two decades now and always tell my boss es and new friends, that way its dealt with day one, and then we move on with life.
I admire some of the people I have met who despite no money and big parental and family problems they still deal with the hiding of their gayness, and outwardly always smile.
I am so glad to say that myself and Steve have managed to be like surrogate parents to some people here and they come and talk their hearts out to us, they know we are sympathetic and listen, but rarely give advise on such matters.
Its a different culture and a different time, what was good for me may not be the same for the Philippines.
wow, pills to “cure”. that’s nuts.
i’m glad you feel welcomed by many in the philippines. i do notice that even though the country may still have many lingering problems about homosexuality, it still is more accepting than many other societies. on paper, it doesn’t appear so, being pre-dominantly catholic & conservative.
filipinos are allowed to express themselves. there are gay activist groups, hangouts & festivities all over the country (not just the cities). in my circle, gay & straight people routinely get together & there is no problem about it.
i remember reading about the boy scouts of america banning gay inclined kids. i though that was crazy because we never had problems or any tension in our boy scout days and all through gov’t mandated high school civilian army training (CAT) and college ROTC. we were just kids who were allowed to be ourselves. nobody got “infected” and needed those pills you mentioned.
but many pre-conceived ideas about a devout catholic/christian country (or state), do not apply to the philippines. i remember the controversy about the gibson movie “the passion” seemed lost on filipinos, because the anti-semitic discussion is not present in our history. there are still friends who are confused about the hate shown in ww2 movies depicting the holocaust. i love that about my people. societal & historical animosity is non existent there,
many times, the country defies stereotype. even the chaste catholic ideal is also not exactly followed to a t there (see: estrada, erap).
i do have to say there there is a different standard for foreigners. filipinos have a well-known history of having higher regard for visitors and putting down anything “local”. but there is an opportunity there too. your words & actions may mean more for your friends & they in turn learn for the better.
Hi John - Catholicism has always taken the “Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner” viewpoint in its tolerence for and inclusiveness of ALL mankind.
Unfortunately, many self-proclaimed Christians either ignore this view or misinterpret it all together. The result is often a sneer, an unkind word, or even physical violence against those who are “different” and who should be loved instead of feared or hated.
Fortunately, in this world, there are a few havens like the Phils where mankind come the closest to understanding this message that focuses on LOVE, not on “sin” or “sinner.” More fortunate are those who can live in these havens.
I’m happy you’ve found peace.
Hi my friend! Welcme back in Davao. And you know what “my mum” told you about this topic…
