Give me Money!!!!!
I love walking around DAVAO and I walk in places where perhaps not many visitors go, and during the day time I have never had any problems at all. In fact I always hear the “HI JOE” and the big smiles and the ladies laughing,not sure why they laugh it must be my hair.
One thing that always surprises me is that no matter what area I am walking around be in a very poor area or a middle class to upper class area I am surrounded by smiling kids who always make themselves known.
However I have noticed despite if they are dressed in rags or prim school uniforms after a few seconds I hear the “Give me money”, as if its so automatic like its taught in School. The kids never get money but that wont stop them asking me the same question everytime they see me.
Of course I can understand that a white man may be regarded as a walking ATM to some of the poorer people and of course some guys do not have enough to eat for the day. Do not get me wrong I am not annoyed or insulted by them asking , because there by the grace of god, it could be me.
I just cannot fathom why middle class and wealthy families allow their children to do the same, its so unnecessary and it makes the kids look bad too.
Anyone can explain this to me?
John:
A short story that happened to me about 2 months ago… I was in Cavite to meet with the RP Navy. At the meeting place (I was early), outside the gate, I went into the McDonalds for a drink. Came outside, and, literally, while I was waiting for my contact, every minute, a new kid came up to me with their hand out… I was like a magnet. Then I saw something I have never seen before… A kid, one of the hawkers’ children that was outside on the street, started to come up to me with hand out. The mother (I assume), got up, boxed the kid on her ears with a sharp reprimand, and apologized to me. In every country I have visited where this is a problem, India, Thailand, Yemen, Pakistan, wherever, I have never seen this…. EVER.
Unlike you, I do find it annoying when the kid is obviously not poor or hungry. You touched on a subject that has been on my mind recently, particularly after Becky and I returned from Cebu this weekend. Quite frankly, Cebu seems to be completely overrun with beggars, more so than even Manila,… and they were being quite aggressive (I don’t like strangers to touch me or grab me… possibly I am over reacting, but, HEY!). I generally will give a few pesos to someone elderly, obviously handicapped, or obviously hungry. What drives me nuts are the scam artists… I am not heartless, but sometimes you just want to say “GO AWAY!”.
It’s one of the things (extreme poverty) I’m giving long, hard thought towards in my consideration of moving to the Philippines. Oppressive penury is very, very difficult for me to observe, and always has been. Especially when children are as deeply affected as they always are. How does one cope with this without becoming a hardened-hearted individual ? In my visits to other similarly impoverished countries, I’ve always been a “soft touch” wherein children are concerned, but I do fully understand the necessity of not giving out money to the poor (directly) in a place where you live. How does one deal with this?
You just have to learn to be tough,or you will soon go bankrupt.I was sitting in a cab,in a traffic jam in Davao a couple of months ago,and at least eight kids must have banged on the window asking for money.
I was starting to get fed up with it and when I looked at who was banging on the window,its was a young boy of about six years old who had with him,I presume to be his grandfather.The poor guy had no eyes,just two holes in his head,one arm had been severed below the elbow the other above the elbow.
What im trying to say is these are the people who need help.
Thanks for sharing John. This is a tragedy most people in first world countries have difficulty comprehending. Unless you’ve actually spent time in the poorer areas of third world countries, you don’t understand. Anyone contemplating relocating to the Philippines should factor this into their plans. Whether you’ill be able to endure constantly being around people who are struggling for their day-to-day existence is an important consideration. Once you’ve seen it first had, it permanently changes one’s perspective in life.
To your earlier example about well dressed children asking for money: To them its just a game. It isn’t the money, it’s braggiing rights. To the truly poor children, it’s whether or not they go to sleep hungry that night.
Hi John - Yes, a continuous “Palm Sunday” (everyone with hands extended, palms up) can have a negative impact on one’s charitable intentions. Still, as all have pointed out, there are those who should be helped.
A personal experience: an old Lola, bent over by age and dressed in old but well taken care of “rags,” approaching me outside of a restaurant last December. Her head was hung low, her left hand was barely reaching out while her right hand slightly moved in a motion depicting eating. About three or four young children were near her, pressing to come between us with their “Hey, Joe” hands stretched out toward me.
I took Lola with me into the restaurant and we shared a wonderful meal. Making sure any leftover food was wrapped up for her to take away, I slipped her a hundred peso note trying to make sure no one else saw it. She had the most beautiful smile I had seen for a long time during the entire experience (her gratitude was beyond description).
Upon leaving the restaurant, we were immediately surrounded by the ragamuffin group that beseiged us before. Lola’s smile immediately turned to a stern, motherly look, and she chased the children away with admonitions regarding their poor character (and dubious lineage).
(Many words this old sailor knows in the local dialect are “blue” in nature, and I recognized quite a few in Lola’s rant!)
We thanked each other, and parted - both with returned smiles on our faces.
John , In many cases children begs not because they need to but because they know you have something they want, whether its money,candy or whatever else you’re willing to part.Giving into begging just perpetuates this belief,and conditions children to expects handouts from strangers,especially when they target the local tourist areas Some parents may see this as a lucrative enterprise and may encourage their children as breadwinners on the streets than as students in school.Why bother going to class when you can make more money begging? This vicious cycle just continues on and on into perpetuity.
In spirit of honesty, I do give in to the occasional beggar, especially if the person appears to be in genuine need.Much more beneficial to donate money and food to a local organization or church.
John M
A lot of street children work in organised gangs by adults and are very good as soon as you are surrounded by kids trying to make you move your hands away from your pockets to get the monies and the phone.
You of course cannot lash out as you will be in prison, lucky for me I am big built and no one could move my hands and they eventually gave up, as they did I saw them looking at an adult who shook his head at he kids telling me to move on to another.
Spencer
Its impossible to get use to it, if you do it means you have lost your human touch
John J
You are so right when I was in MANILA I SAW A MOTHER AND SON SUFFERING SO but it would be impossible to help them without the beggars around her stealing it from her.
So after my meal I arranged a “DOGGY BAG” and late at night I found the mother and child sleeping on the street and left a Pizza on the floor and walked off. I looked around once and saw he child smile and the mother would never have known where it came from.
I went to bed a happy man.
David
I could not agree more.
They beg but still have pride.
Paul
Great story and the Philippines is full of those great people.
Julius
I now spend my time and charity mainly on less fortunate friends.
hello john
i would have to say i endured the same stiuation when i was there.i did hear that alot of parents will send thier kids begging so they could bring the money to them.the first time i was in panabo and alot of really young children begging outside the grocery store so i figured id get a loaf of bread for them to share.so i give this young fella the bread and instantly he was off like recieving a football from the quarterback.he didnt share at all.my fiancee laughed at me when i said i didnt know he would do that.so i went back to the store and buy 2 loafs of bread and this time i passed out to all the children there.one day these kids were asking me money and i refused i walked along the street and they went running home and thier family had a satalite dish,washer and a car in the yard.i knew they didnt really need help from me.even sometimes the husband will send his wife to a cafe and scam foreigners for money.i didnt like that situation to much as i knew the family.his wife even went to a different city to spend time with this foreigner just to get money and the husband incouraged it.so i guess some people will go to any limits for money
salamat john
Hi John
I think I have more trouble with overbearing street vendors than with beggars. I couldn’t believe it when they followed me inside an established business amid many hindis coming from me. With one orange vendor that woundn’t accept no: I went to the car and retrived some oranges my wife bought earlier and kept trying to sell them to the boy. After his initial shocked look he started laughing and walked away. I also complain to my wife that I must look like a pervert because I am always being offered porno movies by the street vendors. I always laugh at them and ask them do you think my wife will allow that? As far as beggars go: not much trouble in Gen-San, but I see many in Passay City. One that sticks in my mind was an old man with no hands. Marie gave him coins and I complained that he needs paper money so he can hold it better. I have seen several beggars missing hands and I have wondered if its a common birth defect or a penalty for stealing. I do smile to remember one night walking alone down the street in front of my hotel: I saw a homeless woman that was washing her clothes at a drain pipe. She didn’t look up when I passed. When I thought about her hard life I felt compelled to toss her some money. It was nice to give without being pressured.
Thanks for your blog - enjoy it very much. Tom
I agree with Julius. In Manila, there are so many beggars going around cars in an intersection, a lot of them carrying children with some sort of deformity - no hands, blind, etc. My sister told me not to give to them because this encourages the parents to intentionally deform one or more of their children (to make them look more pitiful) for begging.
i must say i also give to the handicapped and older people very many times.reminds me of one day im walking alone in the park when this little girl mmm mabe 4 carrying a little girl about 2 and the youngest girl held her hand out with a big smile and i couldent turn them away.i buy them some rice and chicken and they seemed so happy.it made me feel good i must say.
salamat john
Hi John
In my point of view it’s a concept of the poor people here whenever they see white men they think that this white men are rich ,kind and easily could extend money to the poor with their soft hearts.
With regards to those middle class children having seen white men give money to the poor, they imitate what the poor children are doing in the hope that they will also be given money just for the heck of fun. I am sure that parents of this middle class and wealthy family kids are not aware of this.
Ron w
I had a big shock a year ago after befriending a family over many months I agreed to help the son through education and give the guy a chance in life and the pleasure on the faces of the whole family made me feel great.
A year later after hearing how ell he was doing I became suspicious.
Investigating led to find out that the money just went to the family I had achieved nothing, needless to say I closed communication with the family.
Tom
Do not know why but like you I see many people with missing limbs, I assume its because through war.
Ellen
If true how bad is that. How could another mother do that to a child, its scary.
Irbo
Good point , maybe that’s it just pure imitation, but the bottom line is that they are still asking and I assume there is an intent to take.
Hi John,
Here’s a story that ties in with your school tuition tale.
My sister-in-law agreed to pay for her nephew’s education in Surigao. She set up a bank account for him and every year while he was still in high school she sent money into that account. When he was old enough to go to college the money was there for his tuition.
Then his parents ordered him to withdraw the money in the account and give it to them. Needless to say, he didn’t have anything to pay his tuition.
So then this nephew and his parents started phoning my wife and demanding that she pay the tuition because she owed them a favour. According to their logic she owed them a favour because my wife had paid the tuition for another nephew ( from an older sister ) and therefore she must do the same for them irregardless of the fact her younger sister had already sent them the tuition which the parents confiscated.
My wife decided to totally cut off all communication with this particular brother and all of his children. She doesn’t have any patience for these kinds of scams.
So it’s not just the kindly white ” Joe ” who is targeted but also the ” Abroads” by their own family members.
john
whipped, whipped, whipped , and kneeling on mongo beans would have been the consequence for this begging business in my family. not to family members and certainly not to strangers. this would have brought and still bring great shame. how shameful, how shameful.
just for a game, certainly not.
Randall
When we hear things like this it really makes you feel like an idiot and think twice about helping anyone, why do not people understand that?
Maria
I think you feel strong on this subject lol
I had learned about the beggars long before even coming to visit Mindanao. If you give anything to anyone, especially a child, all of a sudden you will have a whole bunch of them running up to you wanting money. The situation that has annoyed me for years are those on the internet chats and interactive websites that want to be instant friends and the next line they give you a reason to ask you for money and think people on the other end are naieve enough to send it to them. I was in a chat with someone one night who claimed to be in an internet cafe and told me he had a problem with his gums and his mouth was bleeding all over the keyboard and could I send him $50 so he could go to the dentist. I asked him what is he going to do when the internet cafe operator sees tht he wrecked the keyboard, how much was that going to cost him too ! The stories some of these people come up with, my usual replies to Internet beggars is ” You make more money than I do I was going to ask You for some ” You sit in an internet cafe day after day raking in thousands from people on the internet with your stories, how about sending me some money instead ” .
The first night I was in Mindanao, I went to a free standing ( not in a mall ) Jollibee with local friends there. They advised me to pay no attention to the beggars hanging around outside the place, do not acknowledge their existance by looking at them, making any gestures and to just keep walking. While inside Jollibee, enjoying the food the best way I could describe it was some of these beggars were ” Hanging On The Windows ” outside the place. It reminded me of fish in a fishtank that put their lips on the glass of the tank. This was the first time I had seen anything like this and I just thought to myself, don’t give anything to anyone out there, if you do you will have a whole crowd with their hands out.
Another thing that came to my mind also is something I read in one of Bob Martins blogs concerning Street Vendors. If I remember correctly Bob M mentioned that street vendors and many merchants will sell for less that the asking price. When foriegners come and pay full price it can eventually make things bad for the rest of the people there as well as other visitors by just paying the posted or asking price without offering less first. The same can be applied to the beggars. If no one gave them any money eventually they would stop begging visitors for money and not be such an obstacle. It is difficult to tell the beggars from the scammers so for me, best not to give anything to anyone, Period !
I can be as charatible as anyone else but I will do it My Way, after all it is My Money I am talking about here and I have to work hard for it in a legitimate form of employment. I did do some nice things for some nice people while I was there in Mindanao and I know that the money went where and to what it was supposed to go to. In certain situations, the publicity value of the money I donated to certain things far outweighed the value of the money itself and I know the money went to what it was donated for.
To me, people that beg on the internet and on the street as well make their whole town or city look bad in many ways. As long as the beggars and scammers continue to get money that way the will keep on doing it. As hard as it may seem to resist giving out money or other things regardless of how unfortunate they may ” appear ” , it is one of the few ways to minimise people from doing this.
I seldom mention this but it fits in with this discussion, the way I found out about Mindanao in the first place was from an internet con-artist / beggar. The individual comes into a local chat channel half way around the world from where they are putting their name, address, phone number etc. right into a main chat page. I wondered if someone would really put their real name address etc. on the internet like that as I know I sure wouldn’t . Sure enough, the name address etc. was real as well as many other things, it’s amazing what you can find out by websurfing ! Well, this person never got a dime from me although as a byproduct of all that websurfing did eventually develop into some genuine friendships with people unknown to that con-artist / internet beggar right in their own home town ! Some people who never asked for anything but could have used a little help, those were the ones who got it !
Well as a Black American, with my first name being Joseph, I have heard ” Joe, give me money many times”. My first visit I was in kind of a cultural shock to have so many ask for money. but two stories stand out in my mind. Once in Leyte Province,in the small town of Baybay I gave some coins to old lady as she was begging but I never slowed my pace, just put the money in her hand, and walked quickly away. Waaaaay down the street I see another old lady looking at me, was it possible that she saw me from so far away with her old eyes? Not taking any chances I crossed the street and then lady did the same, I quicken my pace and she did also, finally she caught me, so I had to give her money also
Another time in Tacloban City, I gave coins to small begger girl and walked quickly away.The next day I passed the same girl and I said NO, then she said something in the local language. I asked my companion what the girl said, I could tell she was upset. My friend said she said” well you gave me money yesterday, why not today Joe? Now I usually just buy some extra fruit or rolls. I feel better and I hope it helps the poor kids out a little…Joseph
Bob New York
Good comment my friend, and I am sorry to admit I have been caught a few times by very convincing stories on the chat rooms. I lost small money and hit myself for being so stupid.
But a goof friend lost a huge amount of money on a very convincing con that took months, and as you say they sit in the cafe for hours a day and they only want to get one idiot a week and they are rich.
Who’s the fool them or us?
Joesph
I gave money to a young boy one day his smile made my heart grow and I felt good, the next day all his friends were with him with hands out and I said NO he honestly could not understand it, and looked hurt and bewildered
I don’t give money to beggars. I give money to people who’ve done something worthy for me. Two incidents:
#1 - Outside Heritage hotel in Pasay City my sister was walking and little kids started begging. Against my advice, she opened her wallet to take some money out and before she knew it she was surrounded by a bunch of beggars. I had to pull her out of there and quickly moved her away. She learned her lesson.
#2 - my aunt asked that money be sent to her right away to fix her daughter’s ear infection. Urgent. Money was sent but wediscovered that her daughter had no problems
#3 - friend was told that his cousin had died and that money was needed for burial. Cousin was ill but not dead
#4 - friend sent money for two years to put nephew to school. Found out that nephew was not going to school but had gotten married. Friend was supporting a family!
Trust but verify. Do not give money if you have no means to verify where your money is being spent on.
Adel
I suppose we have to be harsh and hard when people ask for monies, just a few minutes ago a guy with his a mall family just asked me for money. The fact he has not been in communication for near on year did not seem to bother him. I did not stay on the phone long enough to find out what the money was for!!
It sad to see poor kids or even adults begging not knowing that if they are hungry or sick but its just unfortunate because there are too many of them. Its a good idea to give them in kinds rather then money, but it has to be through charitable bodies.
I have found that there is no ‘appreciation” from most of these beggers, have you ever given to one and had them say salamat or thank you? they take your $ and run, only to spit on your shoes the next day if you do not give them more. No sense of gratitude or shame.I am not a cold harded guy, I do and will give to the most needy. The street children I have found a way to avoid the onslaught of more, take some candy and coins and toss them on the sidewalk 10 ft or more away, sounds cruel but while they are distracted running after it and picking it up it gives me a quick chance to disappear in the crowd. the stories of money for school ect ..are a familiar ploy. If you give money to even family memebers it soon becomes “expected” never expect any consideration in return for doing so…only the expectation of giving more.
John in comment of the internet gals, I knew a ‘bargirl” who had no less than 6 foreign ‘boy friends’ all sending her money each month thinking she was “thier loyal girl friend” she was making between 600-800 USD permonth !!! When one of the ‘BF’s” came to town she’d quit the bar for that time till he went back !! And to boot MOST of the girls do this !!!
One girl got pregnant by her pinoy Bf and told each and everyone of them it was their child…several of the guys sent alot of money to their GF and “child” for years before they found out !!
Aldels advice is priceless when it comes to $$ in the RP : Trust…but verify!!
Fun
I have often given kids food but they look upset as its not what they were sent on the streets to get.
Brian
Sorry I have to agree with you and I feel sad in that.
I appreciate the information that this thread has given me , but as one who has not made it over yet it does sound very discourageing.
Tim
I promise you that the problems are small in comparison to the overall feeling of living here. DO NOT BE PUT OFF