The guilt…
… as innermost part of ourselves. Filipinos call it “Utang na Loob”. I still owe you something, or better, I owe you more than that. We are not talking about debts - “utang na loob” goes farer. It’s a more complicated and far-reaching matter, because we have to pay back our personal debts plus high interests, even these debts can’t be express in figures.
“Utang na loob” becomes a “spider’s web of mutual dependencies”. I give you a job and you have to be thankful to me life-long. I also accept material gifts from time to time. In human relations every Filipino is connected to one and another and vice versa because of “utang na loob”.
Is that really so still today?
I met already a lot of Filipinos, who still practice this part of Filipino culture. I also met Filipinos, who tried to involve me into this matter. I gave you a job…
I must say, I am not feeling very comfortable with it. Question of the week: “How do you think about “utang na loob”, my dear reader?
Hi Klaus,
I’ve read about this phenomenon in other Asian cultures as well. It seems as if some relatively minor favor can be conflated with saving another person’s life. In the west, we would only imagine hearing such pledges of appreciation and lifelong debt in the most extreme cases. It sounds like this is ingrained into the culture there very deeply. I’m curious…Is it just hiring or helping another get a job? Let’s leave out saving another’s life, since that is the one case where such oaths of commitment will probably occur in both Asia and the West? What kinds of events seem to cause a Filipino to either expect or give such an enormous commitment (or ‘blank check’, as I might call it)?
Well, it isn’t fair that I ask this of you, since you are asking the question yourself. I’ll join in asking anybody who might understand this to comment. Great topic!
Hi Richard, yeah, sometimes it might be a “blank check”. But I am also curious to read some other comments first, Thanks for dropping by!
Good topic, Klaus! Utang nga Loob or in Cebuano, Untang Kabubotan is a deeply ingrained cultural value. It means, ‘debt of the will,’ and begins when a child is given life by his parents and continues as the parents strive and give their best to make sure their children do well in life. This is not a debt in the normal sense because it will never be paid back. It is the feeling of gratitude and responsibility which motivates adult children to turn around and give their parents a better life when they have a job, even if it means personal sacrifice. This debt of the will extends to others who help you along, your godparents, older siblings, aunts and uncles and sometimes even a beloved yaya. Or the kind foreigner who put you through school, or got you a job, or paid the hospital bill when your child was so sick.
We Westerners are uncomfortable with someone feeling like this towards us. We didn’t do something for them in order to have them repaying it for the rest of their lives! But that is not how they see it. It is honor and gratitude and it is the right and proper way to feel toward someone who has helped them.
A young lady who worked for us when we first arrived in the Philippines is coming with her daughter to spend Christmas with us. I am sure she will bring fruit and who knows what else. The last time we saw her, she came with a live turkey, which she prepared for us when she arrived, knowing we enjoy turkey! She is coming to CDO on the bus (and she gets terribly car sick) from San Fransisco, Agusan Sur. Why? Because she loves us. When she was diagnosed with TB after living with us for four months, we did not send her home, as the doctor advised, but paid for her treatment until she was well. We let her pay us back half the cost of the treatment by working. We came up with this arrangement when she said, “Ma’am, I will just stay and work for you as long as you are in the Philippines!” But she did stay with us for 7 years and we put her through college. She is now a school teacher. We love her like a daughter and don’t feel she owes us anything at all, but she shows her love and gratitude by honoring us with gifts and visits, and it gives her joy to show us she has not forgotten all we have done for her.
It is true that this aspect of Filipino culture can become destructive to relationships within families, but so can anything. In many ways it creates the networking the makes the Philippines function, and makes families close and caring. I think it is one reason why the elderly care cared for in family homes and treated with love and respect, long after they have anything to contribute. I am also sure it is a part of why a young woman who is married to an older man who has been good to her, provided a home and helped her take care of her parents and so on, is happy to care for him still when he is elderly and weak. It is love and gratitude, utang nga loob.
Hi American Lola, thanks a lot for this great follow up. Especially your last sentences and explanations (Filipina married a much older foreigner) are so very true. In our surroundings we just experienced a 81yrs. German, who married a 29yrs, Pinay. And yuou can be sure: it’s love and gratitude, utang nga loob.
Lola,
I just can’t see the downside of this aspect of Philippine culture based on the way you just described it. That is truly beautiful. This is clearly one aspect of this culture that I can truly admire and love. Thanks for sharing that!
Hi Richard, I totally agree with you. Happy season greetings…