Are you lonely today?
I will never forget my first column in a Mindanao daily in January 2003 about loneliness or better explained as solitariness. While being a columnist of “Tinig ng Bayan” (The Voice of the Nation) at the end of the 1980s I remember Cristina Lising-Geronga, during that time Taiwan coordinator for that magazine for Filipinos abroad. She expressed innumerable write ups about this topic. Sure, it was a publication for Filipinos abroad. Loneliness, borne by Filipinos abroad while missing their families in the Philippines became a “normal” expression.
During that time time my mentor Professor Dr. Hermogenes E. Bacareza, Chaplain of the Philippine Community in Berlin, started publishing with me “Ang Mabuhay”. Believe me, “loneliness” became one of the main topics. Loneliness or boredom?
How comes that during the last nine years of my permanent stay in the Philippines I met soooo many expats, who are talking about loneliness and/or boredom???
Of course, loneliness can be painful. Well, ask yourself, how you use your time, if you are really alone. Do you simply let time passes without doing anything at all? Why not use such time productively?
To talk about myself: when everything was done, and we reached the Philippines nine years ago, I decided “to make vacation for one year”! Mmh, you want to know, how long it lasted???
Nobody is perfect. Human relationships, however, can never entirely satisfy all our needs. Friendship with other expats and/OR with my Filipino neighbour might sometimes fail. But let’s learn from each other.
Yeah, and one more thing: reading the bible can be particularly beneficial. The Word of God is “alive and exerts power” and can take our minds off ourselves. Or see it from the other side: Used properly moments alone can help us get recharged mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Being lonely doesn’t need always a case of beer to feel better…!!!
Hi Klaus - I am lucky, as I rarely, if ever, feel lonely. I have so many friends, including you and your family, and I see my friends regularly (as I saw you, Rose and Mutti yesterday!). On top of that, I love spending time with Feyma and my kids. Sometimes, because I keep so busy, I actually long for a little more time alone!
“Being lonely doesn’t need always a case of beer to feel better…!!!”
Klaus, yes, not always, but there are times when one could do worse
Hi Klaus yes the loneliness it’s very serious thing. Maybe
you are with peole and drink cofee and you feel lonely.
Hi Bob, that’s so very true. I feel the same. Sometimes I just only sad, how some expats “drive to survive here”. I mostly ask myself: “How was their life in their home country?” Yup, I am also much more busy now then even 2 or 3 years ago. But I enjoy it…
Sure, I also miss a little bit time for myself alone… But it’s okay.
Hi RichardInSC, you are right, but I met a lot of people (expats), who think the daily case of beer (or what ever else!) helps…
Hi Zois, I am always happy seeing you stopping by from Greece. Loneliness is indeed a serious thing. I enjoy more coffee then beer, to be honest. But if you try “to kill such loneliness” you need more then coffee, beer and what else. As Bob said, you need friends, a family and something to do. In your home country or -even much more- as an expat living i.e. in the Philippines.
Hi Klaus some times the people (anhtropos) feel happy and some times feel lonely . This is life I am jealous to you and Bob
because take decision and going and stay in philippines.
I be afraid my self because the greek custom it’s different
from philippine customs. And I feel tired in greece of this
style life.
regards
Hi Zois, first of all, please don’t be jealous. Everyone of us “can take his life in his hands and try the best of everything” (as a German saying goes). You might feel tired about Greece lifestyle, even I loved it before (including friends and delicious Greek food!). I am sure, you will do the right decision at the right time… Thanks for stopping by again.
Hello Klaus,
As an introvert, I rarely feel lonely. A good book, loyal dog or a friend or two is all I ever need. I believe that being comfortable with, knowing and accepting oneself, dissuades any feelings of loneliness. Though I suscribe to the adage and belief that “no man is an island”, understanding your personality type and how one recharges their internal battery is paramount to living a successful lifestyle. From my observations, I suspect that many Filipinos are extroverts as a result of their lifestyles and upbringing ( group over individual, always surrounded by family and friends, etc) - a very big difference between my wife and I. Boredom, on the other hand, is another issue, and a topic frquently pondered since nearing retirement. I relish (and need) a day packed with activities and structure. I have observed many expats in Pi and elsewhere and believe and surmise that having something constructive to do leads to a happier lifestyle. From my observations and speaking with many expats living in Pi, those with nothing to do leads to boredom, causes anxiety and other mental issues which relief is often sought via drinking. So, pondering what to do with my free time in retirement, I have decided to put my efforts into helping and taking care of the stray, sick and unwanted animals in the Pi. I truely enjoy animals and believe that I can make a difference in those animals encountered. In discussing what to do during my retirement, a very good friend of mine often reminds me to: “retire to something - not from something”.
regards
Harvey
Hi Harvey, what a great and wonderful comment. I am speechless. It’s very true and I can understand you very well. Thank you so much. You help us and many readers also for a better understanding…