Splendid Isolation
Social anxiety is the single most common psychological problem according to innumerable survey results worldwide. The magnificent, gorgeous and excellent isolation, resulting out of being nervous when meeting people is really the opposite. The state of being isolated reminds us of being in a hospital with an infectious disease.
Honestly, I got all those fears before, especially during my first visits in the Philippines. Meanwhile it’s very much different, because I learned to understand ‘Pinoys and Pinays’ - AND, I learned their language.
Does the prospect of giving a speech or going to a social gathering give you the willies? I remember many events, being invited as “special guest” and being asked to hold a speech or even a short inspirational talk. Sige, relax! There are always ways and solutions to help one by teaching ‘never to be nervous again’.
I have been always the most silent pupil in elementary and high school. I was even ashamed to talk to my teachers. Some not so good (?) school records have been the results. I had no idea about a future profession. Everybody started smiling, when I explained to become a journalist. but suddenly, being in college and after a lot of write ups in our local daily, I was ready for anything now, meaning to say: I wanted to become a journalist.
I really learned from my first ‘big boss’ to avoid being nervous while meeting people. I was always prepared. Preparation for any communication situation is a must. You have been invited to dinner party and you know that one guest is a politician. I scanned all papers, magazines and listened to newscasts. I got no problems any more to attend people. “In your opinion, who…” or “What do you think of…” keep the momentum going.
Since my college time up to now here in the Philippines, I was very lucky and blessed to meet the right people at the right time, which kept on teaching me how to avoid splendid isolation. Whether you deliver a speech, approach your boss, or going to an important social occasion, do your homework before. The most polished, smoothly delivered, spontaneous sounding talks are the result of many hours of work and long experiences. The memorable one-liners and moving phrases that went down in history didn’t come from the last minute bursts inspiration.
I learned from Harvard University historian Richard Marius, “that good writing is a kind of wresting with thoughts’. or, as NEW YORK TIMES columnistWilliam Safire expressed before: “To communicate, put your thoughts in order, give them a purpose, use them to persuade, to instruct, to discover, to seduce.”
Trying to avoid too much fear simply means being able to ask for a raise, make a sale, or deal with a family crisis or feel comfortable in social and business situations. Let’s keep in mind, that every one has something that he’s or she’s proud of, and that he or she enjoys talking about it. But you have to make it happen!
What do you think?
For those of you who know me in person yo may not believe that I too was painfully shy until I was in my late twenties. I was always having to do presentations in my job to large audiences and it would make me sick to my stomach.
Now I get nervous but can now cope..I just look ugly now.
I suppose you cannot have everything
Hi John, it’s really difficult to believe. Of course one cannot have everything, but during your last presentation you didn’t look ugly
mmmh - anyway thanks for your comment 
I used to have stage fright too, when giving a speech or talk. For some reason. after several speeches in college and later in business meetings, I was able to control it. I remember, an advice from a friend, that once you are in the stage, just imagine that all the audience are all seating in the “john”, so you are in control.. Funny, but it works for me.
Hey Klaus… I found out that it helps to think of everyone as your close friends too .. easier to talk to when you have some friends around you too …Phil R.
Hi David, funny indeed, but I know it really works also. I got this advice also before… Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Phil R, thanks also for leaving a comment. Great idea from you too.
Hi Klaus. The 5 P’s always works.
“Prior preparation prevents poor performance.”
Hi Dr. Sponk long, indeed, indeed. I just experienced it during a Rotary seminar and meeting in Tagum yesterday. And, I also just prepared by speech for Tuesday being a guest speaker… thanks for stopping by…
Hmmmm…I was also once a shy person during my elementary and high school days (and I still tend to get and feel shy on some days
) so I could really relate to this post. I remember my nails turning blue whenever I have to speak in front of class. 
However, I realized that no matter how much afraid you are of speaking in front of a lot of people you should never give up trying to communicate. It’s an essential human skill. Exchanging ideas and experiences would help a person learn more about life, and this is especially true for us “youngsters”. 
Don’t let the fear of rejection or ridicule defeat you, it gets easier in the long run.
I feel that having the opportunity to communicate with another person should be seen as a gift and thus it be should celebrated. Yes, it’s natural to feel anxious when talking in front of a large crowd or attempting to communicate with a new acquaintance but the key is to TRY. Immer versuchen eh Sir?
Hi Krishna, what a great opinion and comment. During our German classes I could find out, how intelligent you are. it’s a pity, you have to stop it, but you are such a great student, that you will go your way, wherever you will do in and for your future, i wish you all the best, let’s keep in touch. I am sure you will go your way krishna karen… take care…
Some people are borned to be good sales persons or politicians and they can talk and convince people very well. These people may be comfortable in whatever environment (target groups or big crowds). Others are more comfortable among their small groups. A person’s charactor is kind of inborned, but its difficult but still possible to change. I am not too shy but not good on stage. Sometime i try to memorise what i am going to talk to a crowd, some of the time a blank come over me and I am stuck. But it take a min or less to recover. I call it loss of words. Thats me.
Hi Fun, thanks for leaving this very personal comment. I am sure many readers feel like you. During my last speech as guest speaker last week, I was very well prepared - but also “blank came over me” and I “forgot” something to mention. It was good to have an open forum later, so I was able to answer a question regarding my “forgotten topic’… Being on stage is indeed difficult sometimes, but also here I found out: the more practice - the better…