A month ago I wrote about an unsavory Kano and a fender bender he was in, with my car. The subject came up in the comment section, about what I should do about it. There were a lot of good suggestions on how to deal with it.
One approach I’ve heard from other contributors before, is to avoided foreigners completely. I summarily reject that advice and I find it foolish, and also what a lonesome life I would lead here, if I were to do that. For there is nothing wrong with meeting new people, and if they are not a good fit in your life, then move on. All it cost is a little time. The standards you use in your selection of friends are wholly your own. I would never presume to give advice on that. Except, to be wary!
The criteria I use are based on simple rules and have worked well for me as I’ve traveled all over this planet and have set foot on every continent. It is normal that if you run into someone that speaks the same language as you, you will normally gravitate towards them. While talking with them, I’ll listen to what they say, and ask myself if I agree or disagree. Yet I’d never judge the man just because I don’t agree, as I’m not a member of congress, and how’s that workout for them?
I would much prefer to know their attitude on subjects. Do they project negativity? Have they a sense of humor? How well do they interact with their family, are they respectful of the people around them? These are but a few of the things I need to know before I’ll invest a lot of time with someone.
My family is important to me; and how will they be treated by this new person I’ve met?
I was in a restaurant one afternoon with my wife having lunch. 3 guys and their ladies I knew came in and said hi and wanted to join us. The guys sat at my table, while their ladies went to another table. One guy I didn’t know very well asked why my wife didn’t go join the ladies. I failed to answer him, and then I suggested we put two tables together and the ladies join us. You would have thought I’d asked him to lend me a thousand dollars, from the shocked look he gave me. The guys that I knew really well helped me set up the tables so we could all sit together. A week later one of my friends told me that the other guy decided he didn’t want to be around me again. I’ll send him a thank you note.
My best friend, when he returns from sea, does not come all this way to visit with me. I’ll know when he’s in town, and will wait until he’s had his family time with his wife and kids before we have our buddy time. He’ll call me when he’s ready! But the one, who respects that, more than anyone, is his wife, as I’m the only friend who does that, others will show up the first day and expect him to go with them (BTW He won’t go), When he and I do get together, anything we do will always involve our wives and or families. We’ve never had anything but good times.
I enjoy friendships with both Kano’s and Pinoy’s and being a hermit has never suited me well, I require social interaction in my life. But! Just not every day; please!
I was saving this for Face Book, but it seems to fit well here: “If you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’ (Okay I posted it on FB, I couldn’t wait.)
I select my friends as carefully as I choose where I wanted to live. It’s just common sense.
Well it’s time to return to the hermitage until next week. Call your buddy today, make a new friend tomorrow! But “BE WARY”!
Hi Paul: Excellent article. I can’t speak Tagalog and Bisaya anymore, but can understand it very well. My parents brought their younger children to the U.S. at a very young age and we didn’t have Filipino speaking friends nor classmates. During my last visit to the Philippines, my older brother who is part-time retired in the Philippines cautioned me against speaking freely about politics, Filipino movie stars, and friendships with expats. When asked where we are from, he would answer in Bisaya that we are outsiders (“taga gawas”). We travelled in Cebu and Cagayan.
I like your joke about going to jail. It is quite humorous.
Roselyn;
All my grandparents spoke Gaelic, along with English, they used it to talk around us kids when we was young. They never took the time to even teach their children. (my folks plus aunts and uncles)
The thing that makes me smile is I’ve received all of the same advice on topics to avoid here in the Philippines, which are pretty much the ones you listed above. But I’ve often wondered why the same rule doesn’t apply to the Filipino’s? They ask me some very personal questions about U.S. Politics and others, like how much money do I have in the bank, do I know Paris Hilton Etc. A double standard?
Hi Paul T: I believe that it is indeed a double standard. Many Filipinos talk freely without regard to the feeling of others, and yet with us who are considered “expats” we have to guard our tongues. There is a great deal of jealousy among Filipinos, especially with regards to family status and financial situations.
Roselyn;
I’ve found the easiest way to deal with that is to put the same question back to them, if they don’t like it, than maybe they’ll figure out I also don’t like it.
Roselyn;
I forgot to add, if you like that joke, I put one on face book every day or so. A lot are about my younger brother Dan. Like this one today:
Last night my brother Dan was laying in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and asked; “Where the hell is my roof?”
Feel free to look me up on FB, this goes for all LiP’ers.
Thanks Paul T. I will certainly look you up. A humour a day keeps the psychiatrist away!
Roselyn;
I feel that a psychiatrist might be able to tell a person what he’s doing, but never why he’s doing it. Because we’ll only tell them what we want them to know. I’ll agree with you, and stick with humor. (lol)
Roselyn;
A FB comment I used today:
What a shock, after twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that
brought tears to my eyes. When he said, “Senor Paul, tu no habla ingles.”
That would have been funnier if I had used jo vice tu, but it’s corect on face book.
Hi Paul T: Regarding your invitation to visit your facebook page, can you place a link in this article? I didn’t know that there are so many Paul Thompsons in this world. I would like to visit your site. Thanks in advance.
Roselyn;
Thompson is the seventh most common sir name in the US, Every man wants to be called Paul. There in lies the dilemma. But my picture is the same as the one here on LiP. As for a link, I’ll ask Bob how to do it, as I am computer challenged.
Roselyn:
Bob over on the right has a list of “LIP Writers On FaceBook”, just click my name.
Paul T, Roselyn
Good article, alot of good advice. You will know in time who your true best friends are when you need them. Paul when i was asked by someone from my g/f’s family about how much money i h ad. All i would do is smile and say not enough and that would end that subjuct. Alot of her older family talked politics, but i would just listen and not comment, which was the safe thing to do. Liked that comment about being in jail. Reminds me when i’m at work in the jail and someone call’s there mom to come and bond them out. There crying and begging mama to come and get them out and they will change there life. Yea right. And if they don’t they call there mom every name in the book. I just chuckle listening to. Saw the f/b comments with you and your brother about being middle aged, so funny. Good day my friend!
Papa Duck;
That money question is the one that comes up the most often, and yours was one of the best responses I’ve ever heard. “Not Enough!” That’s classic.
I noticed another thing about jail, they all seem to find the Lord while there, but misplace him upon release.
The best advice I ever got from an “old-timer” was if anybody ever asks you a question that you don’t feel comfortable responding to….simply say” why do you want to know?”
Jojo;
You know, it’s simple and it’s a good responce, but just once I wish someone would tell me why they want to know?
Paul
Yea i’ve heard that one before!
Papa Duck;
And now once more! (lol)
Paris Hilton,thats in France,Lol.
Chas;
Oh, but if that was only true, we gave you Brit’s Madonna, and she started learning the Queen’s English.
The French deserve Miss Hilton, but can they teach here their language? And I believe her family does have a hotel in Paris, I think it’s on the Rue de Merdi?
I have many friends here and most are foreigners. Many are people I would not normally have as friends back in the States. I find most are really nice and I am grateful for having these new friends in my life. I find it a little difficult being friends with filipinos as the cultural differences are too great and I find myself answering questions most of the time due to their extreme ignorance of the world outside the Philippines as well as limited education and that is not interesting to me. I am most happy to stick with my foreigner friends most all of the time and I see nothing wrong with this.
Hi Boon;
Like anything else, having/making local friends takes time. I have very many local people who understand those type of questions are inappropriate now. Just smile and say, “Whoa, that’s too much sharing!”
I think you’ll find that if done with a smile and good humor it will cease quickly, they are just curious I guess!
But you have the right to stick with the friends that make you feel at ease!
Hi paul i am planning to come to the Phils ..i have many friends there maybe we can meet… you can friend me on facebook…thx
David;
I went to FB and you and other 3 David’s were listed, but since there was no picture on LiP to match I was at a loss to pick the right guy. It would be fun to grab a lunch when you visit. Let me know the when.
BTW: My picture on FB is the same as here on Lip, Click on my name.
hi Paul Thompson
this was sent to me on face book ok by some one and i wont u to see it i thinkk itis good……..Hi Peter, you need to spend some time first in the country to see and feel if you will survive the Philippines. The only important thing I can say is never ever trust anyone. Also you can not work when you are a tourist in the country. You will need a valid working permit. Please search on all the websites pertaining to moving or retiring to PI……..peter martin tassie……
Peter;
Some truth there about the working visa, and about knowing as much as you can about the area your going to live. But the thing that made me smile was the advice about “The only important thing I can say, is never ever trust anyone.” If that was true, why in hell would he have moved here?
Hi Paul – An excellent article and very appropriate for living overseas. I agree with everything you say. Since coming here to live permanentley I have meet lots of good and interesting people I have also met a few that if I were back home let alone here, I would not pass the time of day with.
Like you I judge a person by how they interact with my family as that to me is important also.
My wife has lived overseas Nigeria and Britain for the best part of 25 years and can tell good un’ from a bad un’ without my interferance.
At the end of the day it takes all kinds to make a world but I know the kind of world I want to live in.
Regards.
Jim.
I have two good friends that live in the Philippines – I have known them for over 20 years and worked with them in many countries.Apart from them I avoid the expat community like the plague as, like Jim, I would not have wanted them in my house back in my own country. That is not to say that there are no good ones – its just that there are too many of the other kind around. I met a fellow Scot at my old friends house – a more arrogant,loud mouthed ignoramus you would never encounter – that put me right off and started me thinking as to why I would put up with this kind of person. The result is that I am now more particular – I have stopped being polite to the arrogant and stupid,I just make sure I do not have to socialise with them.
Hi Bryan G – Well said and incidentally I was being diplomatic with my synopsis on some expats who live here in our midst.
Regards.
Jim.
I think that we assume that all expats are in the Philippines because they enjoy the country and the people.We forget that some are here to get away from something -wives,taxation criminal charges etc. The islands are an easy place to hide – there are no extradition treaties with the UK for instance – a fact that was used by a member of the House of Lords to avoid criminal charges. When he died a considerable number of young women emerged with children supposedly fathered by the aforesaid gentleman – I believe that one in fact was. This may lead to the first mestizo to sit in the British House of Lords!
Did a little research – The child was born to a bigamous marriage so the Baronetcy passed to the good lord Moynihans half brother. It took about 5 years to get through the courts and there was a legal anomaly in that if the childs father had been resident in England the Baronetcy would have gone to him. He in fact ran several brothels in Manila and was wanted for fraud in the UK. He had also been involved with drug dealing in Australia and was a protected informant of the US drug enforcement agency. What a lovely man – if he had lived in the UK he would have been entitled to sit in the House of Lords as a legislator!
Amazing what useless information you can pick up from the internet if you try!
Bryan;
If he offered to buy me a beer, I’d give it a pass. What a charming man.
Jeez – you come pretty cheap! Yes – a fine example of the British aristocracy!
Bryan;
I wager his family is not so proud of him.
Hi Brian;
You said; “I avoid the expat community like the plague’ I for one can’t agree with that, albeit I’ll agree with avoiding those, arrogant,loud mouthed ignoramuses. But to paint the entire foreign community with the same brush, is something I won’t do. But by the same token I’ll respect your right to live, anyway you feel is right for you.
Hello Paul,
What I meant to say was that I avoided groups of expats – I expressed myself badly,individuals I take as they come ,you cannot tar all with the same brush. I am sure you have met at least one of the types I refer to.If you socialise with a group you have to accept all of the members as they are therefore as I said I avoid groups of expats as I dont want to spend time in the company of people I dislike.
Bryan;
Now I see your point, and agree! And yes I met more of that type you spoke of, than I care to remember. I’ll quickly do the sidestep shuffle to get away from them. Although I won’t avoid them until I’ve met them and they prove their worth.
Here is an odd one. I’m talking with a buddy at a restaurant, another guy came up and chatted for a couple of minutes. When he left my buddy turns to me and said; “That guy is one prime pain in the arse.” (I used the British spelling) I then started wondering about my buddy? What a world!
Jim;
Finding the happy medium is the key, or as the old saying goes; “Trust but verify.” Being in the Philippines is no different than being at home when it comes to picking your friends. If the other person is not a good fit in our life, walk away from it. Common sence will prevail.
Senior;
Great words of wisdom for anyone to follow.
My DAD always told us that in our life time you will only have a handful of true friends. Then
you will have friends that are know more than over rated aquaintances.
The world is a basket of colorful fruit each with a unique flavor if you limit yourself to just one kind of fruit you deprive yourself of a bigger expierence fruit salad. Heck if I just stayed with Americans I would hve missed out on the LOVE of my life for 32yrs and counting.
Oh so true Senior I watch how men treat their wives and vise versa. Tells me alot about their character and whats important to them. My asawa always sits next to me I don’t care if your the Pope or a vip know one is more important to me then her. So don’t get upset if you sit across from me at lunch the seat on the right is already taken.
Ah Mike;
You are wise beyond your years, I’ll agree 100% with all that you just said. When you get here this year we will take the ladies everywhere we go, as that is how I’ve always done it.
Senior;
Keeps the wives happy and the Rumors at Bay. Besides someone has to guied us home if we had one to many.
Mike;
One to many? Oh you mean overserved, that’s why I only buy cars with an automatic shift, so Mayang can drive me home.
Senior;
I got a question? If a foreigner marries a Fhilipina and treats her like a second class person. When in fact she she should be the most important person in his life. How do you think he’s going to treat his friends? Is he the kind of person who just uses everything for his delight not caring who he hurts. If so why get married. Just stay single and run the bars there are plenty of drunks and free willing ladies to satify his urges to use people. You know the kind.
Mike;
Yes I know that type all to well, but never for long! (lol)
They get married to have a cheap servant. Feel sorry for the gals.
The local expat group here in Tagum City has a formal meeting once a month. The men sit on one side of the room and the ladies on the other. I have never been to a meeting. I like my wife right next to me. I love her too much to do that to her.
Hi Gary – I attend an expat gathering every week and the wives sit together not that they are banished but they swop recipes and experiances and general chit chat. We lived in Nigeria for 10 years and when Brits got together wives were alway with them but when it was some other nationalites they do also sit apart.
I asked my wife about this and she says it’s like going out on our own, but I know your in sight if I need you.
Regards.
Jim.
Jim;
You summed that situation up, far better than I could. And I liked very much your wife’s comment to you.Excellent!
Gary;
I’m a tad conflicted as I agree with you and I agree with Jim. Normally I like my wife beside me when we’re out. But if she decides that she would like to be with the ladies to swap recipes are just chat, I’m fine with that. But no one else will dictate that to her, or we are out the door.
Seems to me that this is what happens to a point any time Fil-Am couples meet for a “to do.” I know the ones in the states typically involve the American men hanging out by the keg and shooting the bull, and the Filipinas together talking fashion or whatever in their own dialect. Of course, I’m somewhere in-between frantically trying to chase-down my 22-month-old boy who’s doing his best Jim Thorpe imitation.
Brent;
Out by the keg? That would be me for sure, the togetherness and my wife with the other ladies will depend on the situation. A 22 month son, priceless!
Hi Paul,
Last trip there a kano comes up to me on the ferry and states ‘Hey we look like a couple of 7ups in a Coke factory’ which made me smile a bit. On the return trip he found me again, started some small talk and within 10 minutes was belittling his Filipino neighbors for all thier bad habits. Needless to say this didn’t sit too well with me as most are the asawas cousins in town and I told him as much. I guess I put him off a bit as he hasn’t spoken to me since, lol. The guy is married to a Filipina, lives in the Philippines for 4 years and says he couldn’t be bothered learning the language. He won’t last, lol.
Mark;
Those are the classic type of people I’m talking about. How stupid does one have to be to pay to fly here, then complain and moan about being here and how messed up it is here, and yet, they continue to stay?
I told John M (Lip writer) about my bars in Puerto Rico and that I’d hand the complaining Gringo a Travel Agents card, and tell them she’ll help them leave, plus a free ride to the airport.
Love the read Paul! About a week ago I met a guy that seems to be a good guy. He was going to be leaving back to the states but would be back in 6 months or so. He has been here about a dozen times, but I offered him help if he were to need it. I said to him that if he wants I will find a place for him to stay for when he comes back in six months. He was thankful and likes the idea of the hlep.
When ever I see an expat I will go up and talk to them, but some times I get the feel from them that I am bothering them and how dare I talk to them, not all are like that, but some are. Like you said, we like to talk to people that speak our language.
Thanks for the read and sharing with us. The family and I need to make a trip up some time, not sure when it will be but would like to come up and vist the Bay area (hehehe).
Regards,
Bill
Bill;
That’s the attitude we all should try and develop, that was a nice gesture to offer help him that way.
I was at the market with my wife, and about 20 feet away was a fellow Kano also waiting for his lady. The way he was acting, I could tell he was avoiding eye contact with me. Which is his right, hell I’d avoid me if I could. My brother-in-law came over to me, and asked if I knew that Kano? Never missing a chance to joke I told Juhn, that I think the guy was a spy, and was trying not to blow his cover. Because that was how he was projecting himself, which I found to be quite funny. It takes all kinds to inhabit this big round ball! And yes, I left him alone!
Bill;
I forgot to add that I’d like very much to meet you and yours, if you ever make it to the dock of the Subic bay. I don’t know when or if you were here before. Our little slice of the Philippines has grown up to be quite the nice town. Being a former sailor who was here during the wild days of the 60’s and 70’s, I’ve come to enjoy it even more now, it’s a very family friendly place.
Hi Paul
I do find generally speaking that the local women are more friendly to ex-pats then the local men. I dont mean in a way like Todd suggested in a previous post but in just acknowledgement to me. I often pass a couple of locals when the wife and myself are walking to catch a taxi from our house, i always say “good day ” and i would say 7 out of 10 times the man would turn or look away and the woman would say hi or hello with a smile. It bothers me that maybe the locals feel inferior to foreigners or maybe its a cultural shyness im not sure, but it does bother me because i have never looked down on anyone in my life , not all do this , some off the guys have been really friendly and engaged in a short conversation.
Hi David – Try the same greeting in the dialect when you meet locals and see the difference.
I take my little dog a walk every morning around the Barangay and nowadays the locals men and women will say hello to me first even the children. I suspect they are practicing their English while I’m practicing my Bisaya.
Regards.
Jim.
Hi Jim
thank you…i will give that a go, Im back to Davao on May 16 for 4 months so i will start practicing now.
I’ve noticed a more openness in Gensan than Davao. When I jog in the mornings around Gensan, a very high percentage of people greet me good morning, from all strata, some are working, some are waiting for a ride, some are also out exercising. When jogging around Davao, people tend to avoid eye contact with me, and seem very intent on reaching their destination. It might just be the area where I’m at, around Ilustre, perhaps it’s different in a neighborhood setting.
Hi Gary – I go walking a lot in Davao, mostly around my neighborhood. Nearly every person that I pass by talks to me, at least says “hi”. Now.. down around Illustre… that’s a much more “city” area, and I think it’s normal in a big city people are less “neighborly” than in a small place. Just my thoughts.
I’m sure that’s a big part of it – but I’m jogging around big ‘ol downtown Gensan ;o)
Ha ha… don’t forget.. I used to live in GenSan.. I know just how “big” it is! 😉
Hi Gary;
Here in the Subic area the people are so used tosee ing Kano’s that most local people, will say hi, or at least a nod.
I would imagine your neck of the woods has one of the highest Kanos per capita. While nothing approaching your percentage levels, I don’t think Kanos can be considered an oddity here anymore – and certainly not in Davao. For the most part people are friendly, even in Ilustre. I actually really enjoy staying in that part of Davao, it feels like city.
Sorry, a bit off topic.
Gary;
There are a couple of town here on Luzon that also has a high percentage of Kano’s. Up north there is La Union, and close by (45 min. by expressway) is Angeles City. I think by now the entire country should be used to seeing Kano’s.
I agree with Jim. If you are able to speak the local language, the acceptance and friendliness that you receive will be totally different than if you speak English.
David;
Both Bob and Jim are right, you’ll receive more return greetings if you use their language, albeit 90% will reply in English. (lol)
David, sometimes the TRUTH is hard to swallow. Just ask filipinas who have a foreign husband, bf, or fiance why they are so jealous of other filipinas and so worried about letting their husbands, bfs, or fiances out on their own.
If the truth is told it will be EXACTLY what I mentioned in other comments on another post.
This is not my first rodeo, I have been in the Philippine many times and also lived there…in Mindanao and Manila for months at a time. I have met a LOT of filipinas and darn near everyone single one is paranoid about their husbands, bf’s, or fiances hooking up with another filipina.
Why do you think that is? Because they know how many of the filipinas think about foreigners. It amazes me anyone that has been in the Philippines denies this.
But as far as this post…I have met many very nice expats in the Filipines and many that I would not want around me for more than one second. They have no respect for the country, the people, or anything here.
All they do is complain, complain, complain and act like they are the cats meow and because they are from a more wealthy country they are better than filipinos. Not true!!!
Do I want my fiance with me all of the time? NO, I do not. There are times for me and her to be together, which is most of the time. There are times for us to be by ourselves. And there are times for us to be with our friends only. But there is no right and wrong, it is what works for the couple.
I absolutely love being with my fiance almost all the time, but there are times when I want to spend some time alone or with friends just BS’ing. Just find what works for you and your partner.
I do not know the language well, not even close to well. But what I really do well is I am very kind to filipinos and try to get to know them. It is amazing what just being nice and showing interest in their lives can do. It is also really amazing at what being friendly AND funny can do for you there.
Show some interest. When I go to the stores I try to get to know the cashiers and other people. I really try to get them to smile and laugh and if they have kids I get to know the kids. Wow, just doing this shows them you are real and not some ahole that could care less about them and their lives.
So many expats I see could care less about filipinos. Makes me sick.
When I left the Filipines last week I had many filipinos hug me (men too) and wish me well and hoped I came back soon. I had flower ladies, internet cafe people, and all sorts of others really show their appreciation. It made me feel great.
Filipinos are so amazing to me….they have lives so much tougher on a regular basis than I have and yet rarely complain. They are the most respectful and courteous people I have ever met. Just be nice and show some respect…that goes a long ways in the Filipines.
oops
your telling me to show respect…take a good look at yourself Todd. Even if there was a molecule of truth in what you said before,( the very fact that you broadcast it publicly that according to your perception these girls are dying to play around with you even though they know your engaged,and also according to your perception filipinas are the easiest in the world to pick up) does not make you much of a gentleman in my book. A guy with any respect for filipinas would hold those those thoughts to himself…..bully for you that you got a few hugs when you left…it will never change the fact that i despised the put down of the filipinas in your other post. My family is there now and i would say there is about 50 girls in the extended part of the family and i think i know all those girls well enough to know they are nothing like you described.
David;
There is an old country song by Roy Clark titled “Thank God and Greyhound your gone” or substitute PAL for Greyhound, which could make it apply to airports as well. Sometimes people are happy to say goodbye, because they are glad the person is leaving. We all know that one special person who we hug and say goodbye to, and start the party as soon as we see the airplanes contrails in the sky.
Paul:
we do the same here! our eyes are filled with joy when the person we despise the most is leaving.
Dans;
I see you get my point, I forgot to add that he is also doing a great dis-service to his girl friend, as he stated she is a Filipina, does he think she looks at all Kano’s the way he said all Filipina’s do? Or maybe the exception to HIS rule. I hope that’s the case.
Paul:
lol.. david just mentioned it on the other thread, re: “Poetic justice”
Dans;
Well I went to that thread and searched for David’s comment, when it occurred to me, that with my less than a third of the comments that Sugar received, and I couldn’t find that one by Roselyn, what chance did I have? So I’ll just follow my brothers advice; “When quitting is not an option, you can then just give up.”
Paul, David, Dans
Totally agree with all of you. I thought Dwayne was already gone though LOL. Have a beautiful day my friends!
Papa Duck;
The ghost of Dwayne? Say it ain’t so!
David:
that is todd’s self-fulfilling, self-evident truth.
Todd;
That horse is dead, it was beaten to death over on Sugar’s posting. Could be just bury the poor thing and move on.
Further into your comment you made some good points relating to this article subject matter, and I thank you for that, and agree with a lot. But truthfully I don’t care if every woman on the planet finds me desirable, (Which in it’s self would shock me.) it’s only my wife I’m going home to. As I’m smart enought to not put myself into a situation where those shameless lady’s you speak of, get the opportunity to prove you right. That my trick to a happy marriage.
Paul T,
Not sure if you will see this. The asawa and I were talking the other day about meeting other people as friends and what might happen. I told her that if I had a female friend and I started to have strong feelings for that person that I would stop seeing them. I love my asawa and will not let my feelings for someone else that may or may not be ture ruin what I have with her. I hope that makes since. I feel that if my asawa and I are not ment to be together then it will happen on its own. I don’t want the reason that we break-up to be because of someone else. When I was married before I gave up friends because of feelings that I had for them. In the end, my last marrige did not last because of us, not someone else.
Bill;
I was speaking of mostly male friends, as the odds of having a female friend who was not married or GF with a male friend just doesn’t come up that often. But I would tend to agree that if you feel it would not work in your life or upset your Asawa then you are right to let that go. I had just never thought about that side of it, when writing this post.
Well said Paul!
Why, thank you Eric!
Hi Paul nice articel ,the more freinds the better if I only hung out with people I only agreed with all the time I would be very lonely. My freinds and I have some good discussions on polatics and the news and faimly. I find the best friendships I have become my extended faimly. I would have never been so blessed as I am now if I stayed just to myself. Never let one bad apple ruin the whole bunch of bannas(lol).
Eric;
It sure would be difficult to find friends you’d agree with all the time, plus being so boring we might as well stay at home and yell at the cable news. The man’s attitude is far more important that the things we discuss.
Senior;
ThoughtI was done commenting on this article until now. My ship just got hit broadside by a massive torpedo attack from my peers. We were on our dinner break a talking about the Goverment I went to add a comment and out of the blue a couple individuals cut me off and stated.” What do you care about my Goverment,Your a foreigner in my country and the soon you leave the better.” WOW that hurt I’ve known these guys for over 15 yrs and to here that just made me speechless. One of the guys was a marine and did a rotaion in B company in Subic and he always has some degrading comments about Fhilipinas and the Philippines. Most of the time I just let it roll or I’ll just call him stupid. I guess he just never got out of the bars. But for others to join in floored me. I guess I am a foreigner in my own country. So I’ll just quietly do my 24months get my retirment an fade away.
You spend your whole life fighting for this country in the Navy and Law Enforcment and this is what I get a slap in the face. I’m ready to come home.
Senior;
Just to let you know they know I’m married to a Fhilipina and plan on living there. But I didnot except this at all.
Hi Bruce: Your experience is not exclusive to expats only. Filipinos attack other Filipinos as well. This is most common of middle class and educated Filipinos. During my last visit to the Philippines, middle class Filipinos (almost exclusively men), seem to exhibit condescending behaviors towards their Filipina women who are married or have some connection to expats. This can be seen mostly in upscale communities when the Filipina is not educated (no distinguished family connections) and viewed as not part of their class.
Two college Filipino students (exchange students) from the Philippines visit me in my office now and then. ( I teach in a U.S. university.) I asked them about this behavior and both of them attribute this aggression towards jealousy (economic advancement) and “crab mentality”. Don’t give up on the Philippines. There are many people who are decent and will be a pleasure for you to know.
Roselyn;
I’m in Jacksonville Fl and these are my fellow american correction officers to did this to me not Fhilipnos. When I said I’m ready to go home I mean the Philippines.
I don’t think it’s economics as must as it is arrogance on their part. You know the old additude there is the US and then their is the rest of the world.
Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m marching to a different drum and not following the social norms and road maps that Americans or suppose to follow. I just don’t know?
Hi Bruce: I thought that you were stationed in Subic Bay. I’m in New Mexico Bruce, and my American colleagues (all types of nationalities) will blow up from time to time. I’m very guarded as to what I say so that I won’t get broadsided. This must be common behavior for human beings, professional or not.
Bruce
Those are just some ignorant correctional officers. We have a few like that at my sheriff”s office. The way i see it your more American than they will ever be. I know i appreciate everything you did serving our country while in the Navy. Jealousy is probably part of it too. Just hang in there, your 24 months will be done quicker than you think and than you can just fade into the sunset. Just ignore them so you won’t have to stoop down to there level. Take care and be safe
Papa Duck;
Thank you for helping Bruce understand idiots, I agree with your comment.
roselyn,
your assessment about the aggression of filipino men towards the filipina is not accurate at all, I am not a cultural anthropologist or an ethnologist, however, I probably know more about it than you do, Jealousy is just one of the many reasons of “aggressions”, it is also worth to note that the “jealousy and envy factor” is MORE prevalent among the women than men, the most contributing factor of aggression has a lot more to do with the “culture”, as you may know, there is NOT only one culture in the philippines but MANY, there are some provinces or places in the philippines where a foreigner is not welcome in the family due to cultural beliefs or strong family beliefs i.e. some Filipino family or culture believes that their women is only for their men, a good example that exhibit this kind of culture can be found in marawi, maranao people would not let their women to marry a non-maranao regardless of religious belief,
it is a fact that there are MORE filipinas who are involved with a foreigner than men and that only shows the magnitude of “envy” among filipinas, of course envy is not only the reason of filipinas hooking up with foreigners but we should not set aside “jealousy (for economic reasons), envy) as one of the main contributing factor, even a fil-am men would prefer a “local women” than the fil-am women, it is a fact that many fil-am women are more in numbers hooking up with a foreigner than men.
if you will randomly pluck ordinary filipino men from the general public and asks them if it is okay for our women to hook up with foreigner, large result would agree that it is ok.
isn’t it one of the many reason of many breakups of foreigner/filipina marriage is due to “jealousy”, “bad mouthing” coming from filipinas?
Dans:
I always enjoy reading your comments, but this one, I just don’t understand how it pertains to what Roselyn said to Bruce? Please come back and explain this to me! I can’t be that thick, or I just missed something.
paul,
this is about what roselyn has said…
RE: “This is most common of middle class and educated Filipinos. During my last visit to the Philippines, middle class Filipinos (almost exclusively men), seem to exhibit condescending behaviors towards their Filipina women who are married or have some connection to expats”
RE: “Two college Filipino students (exchange students) from the Philippines visit me in my office now and then. ( I teach in a U.S. university.) I asked them about this behavior and both of them attribute this aggression towards jealousy (economic advancement) and “crab mentality”. Don’t give up on the Philippines. There are many people who are decent and will be a pleasure for you to know.”
…unless I misunderstood the post completely, if that is the case, then I apologize to roselyn.
Dans;
Getting older sucks, I sometimes forget the last thing I remembered…
I found the comment you referred to, and beg you forgiveness for my error!
Allow me to apologize to you.
Paul;
I agree, getting older sucks! I hope Alzheimer is not the reason for it!
I am not really sure myself if my response to roselyn has something to do with what she said, or maybe i still have a hang-over from the other thread?
Dans
No Old-timers is not my reason, I’m still as sharp as a rusty saw, and I have the attention span of a goldfish. (I believe that’s 7 seconds, who the hell figured that out?)
I liked Sugars post, but towards the end it was as interesting as reading a dictionary, all the words were there, but not in the right order.
Paul T.
I think you need a couple San Miguel Sttong Ice’s and just forget about it hahaha.
Papa Duck;
My mind has been wiped clean by SMB’s. What were we talking about?
Mike;
Ditto on those tropical warm Subic nights!!!
Mike;
Water off a duck’s back, narrow minded people are everywhere, I bet you can also find them here in the P.I., the trick is to “BE WARY” (do you like how I slipped that in?) You know who you are and the sacrifice you made defending the country. Oh hell Mike, those type of people are not worth either your time or my time to talk about them.
Put your feet up, pop a top, and think about tropical warm Subic nights. Ahh, feels better doesn’t it!
Senior:
Your right I’ll pop a top tonight I’m off and watch a Tiger Game. Heck the He!! with them if they knew what we know they be tripping over each other to get here. NAW Their LEMMINGS were not.
Mike;
You being happy and contented living your dream, is the best revenge against stupid people like that.
As the saying goes “Don’t get even,get ahead” lol.
Chas;
I’d like to add to your sage wisdom “Don’t get even, get ahead”, and after your ahead, chip away at them until they are dust at your feet. (lol)
Hi Bruce
I reckon you have some lousy crew mates on board, however you’ll reach your dream shortly and they will be a distant memory. good luck for thhe future
I found the comment by one person that he did not socialise with Filipinos because of the cultural differences – every country has some kind of cultural differences to ones own. He will never have any friends except those of his own nationality with an attitude like that. The only country that I never had at least one local friend was Saudi Arabia and that was not due to any cultural aversion on my part, but due to the aversion of the Saudis to my culture.
Bryan,
As a Filipino, I do find few progressive minded Saudis come out of their way to befriend Filipinos. I mean by progressive are those Saudis who have experienced other cultures abroad and open to other cultures as well. Saudi culture is very strict and guarded especially when it comes to their families. It is very rare that you can socialize with their families and would be limited to male members of the family only.
Bryan;
The people that won’t socialise with their host nationals, must be very lonely hiding in the back of their compound.
Hi Paul,Your Redsox are not starting out as the Front Runner that was predicted this Spring! I like your approach about anyone…..same here! All the best!
Joe;
Win or lose we Bostonians love our Red Sox, It’s kinda’ like a marriage with that “For better, or for worst” clause. Our mantra: “I’ll give them time, there’s always next year.”
Hi Paul,
And I thought you’re a Ranger Fan. Just joking.
Jun;
And I could be again, they look good this year, any team that beats the Yankees is the team I like.
Paul
It’s still early. There only 4 games back. It’s a long season. Take Care.
Papa Duck;
That’s what I want from Boston, a long season, right into October!
Guess a Sox fan is a Sox fan! We have the same Moto as a White Sox’s fan!!!
Steve;
The Cubs is a team I’ve followed for years, one reason was, I was in love with Wriggly Field, like Fenway park, it’s one of the last couple of original ballparks. Hell in Boston the fans wouldn’t let the city tear down the CITGO sign that you see over the green monster, it was part of our baseball landscape. The taxpayers own the sign now.
I was upset when they tore down Commonwealth Field, even after the Boston Braves moved to Milwaukie
I’ll be friends with anyone that is not a racist, nor a feminist nor in any other way a bigot, and whose sense of humor corresponds to mine.
Goran;
If you play a piano you are called a pianist, but a NACAR driver is not called a racist?
But those three things you listed, would be good guideline for picking your friends. I see your point.
What was this story originally about? I lost track, need to focus, getting all blurry.
OH, yea, now I remember, Gusto mo San Miguel!! Anong Sarap!
Any Arguments????????????
Pita Mike;
Whew, thanks for pulling us back into focus. One must remember just what is important in life!
Paul,
Where I have a house in the Philippines I do not know of to many Ex-pats in the area. I guess I would associate with them if I could find them. I tend to be the guy that enjoys the company of the locals more though. I am more adept at sitting outside around a little table, shirt off shorts on, flops on my feet trying to hear a word or two I can understand. I think they like this as well. I am not putting them down and just trying to hang out with them in a way they do it every night. Now grant it I am not one to drink what they drink as I can not stomach the GSM. Therefore my nephews are on a constant run to the refrig to replenish my SMB’s!
Other Kano’s I know will not do this. They would rather stay locked inside their compounds and not socialize. I can respect them for this also. Just I think you need to have friends within your community also.
There is an understanding that when we get together I want whomever is there to control what they drink. If they can not do this they are asked kindly to leave. I do not want to be the center of attention all night. They are free to talk with me and use interpreters (my nephews) if they would like to talk. I do not like the touchy feely drunks and my family and the people that come know this. This is a great way to get to know your Brngy’s members.
We do this at least once a trip when I go back. Yes usually I provide the “imported” drinks for the night!
So if a Kano wants to come meet with me that is fine. Just know that I try to be friends with my Filipino neighbors and will not turn on them just to be with you.
Hi Steve;
You might have misunderstood my article if you believe it’s an either or situation, because it never is.
Next month we’ll be having another “Pacman Party” for Manny’s next fight. Which we do for every fight, as I’m the only one who can get Pay-Per-View. The last fight on HBO, I had one Kano visitor plus his family. Him and I sat with the guys from my neighborhood and enjoyed the fight. Joking and having a great time, the house was full and the decibel level was akin to NARA Airport with 45 plus human-beings cheering their local hero, and kids running in every direction at once, food was consumed at a copious rate, and a good time was had by all.
All our get together are like that, even when I go to my friends parties. My beer ref. is stocked with different types of beer, and people help themselves to what they want. My bar is well stocked and again any guest can have any thing there. BTW, I’ve found that San MiG. Light is always the most popular beer at my parties, go figure that.
So while your here, you don’t ever have to choose between Pinoy or Kano I know I wouldn’t! Many times when it’s me and a couple of neighbors (I’m the only Kano up here on the mountain) we sit under the mango tree, sans our shirts, and quaf a few ale’s, and pass a quite afternoon.
Paul,
I was referring to some of the comments being made is all. Not so much as your posting. Maybe I just pulled off subject.
I like a Kano visit once in awhile. Helps me brush up on my English. I just wanted to state that, I, living in the Philippines should try to adapt and live with them. Some expats seem to think that the Filipino’s should adapt to them instead.
The only Kano I know in my area only lives a few kilometers from me. But when I visit it is up to me if I want to see him. He does not get out much at all. I would think that would be a lonely life no matter where you are!
Not sure why, but I have noticed that also about the San Mig Lights. My bunch around me prefers the GSM over most anything. They all were hung over for three days after having passed the Johnny Walker Red Label around one night like it was water! I had to drink my San Migs alone those nights!
You have written a very good posting here. I am glad you have friends that you can meet with. I hope one day to visit with you also. Maybe then we could become friends that way also.
Steve;
Ah the comments! my fog has cleared. I also find it odd that people sometimes become hermits, but I think it would probably be the same if they stayed in their home country. I knew guys on the ship’s that I sailed who would retreat to their stateroom after work, and not reappear until the next day. I never understood it but I did respect their right to do it.
That DSM is something I recommend to all Kano’s that they should try. once just to get that over and say they did it.
If you’re ever in the Subic area I’d like very much to meet, and say HI. I’ve met a lot of Lip readers and always enjoyed myself.
Steve;
You know I meant GSM!!!
Must be the fog!
Steve;
My fog is not caused by a low pressure system, I’ll give that credit to the San Miguel Corporation.
over the years 24 or so I have been to phil’s for my annual holidays I have rarely seen other kano’s,,i would probably enjoy there ompany over a sm or two,,and to speak normal speed English…but in the meantime I enjoy mixing with the locals..
and family,,,”when in rome…”
I figure if you feel at home in another environment then you are at home in that enviroment