A week or so ago I bumped into a friend. We were chatting for a few minutes. Then she told me of her problem with a person she cared about, her foreigner friend. It’s not her boyfriend because she’s a happily married. She just knew this friend for quite sometime now. She was telling me that her friend was living here in the Philippines for a while now, he is from somewhere in Europe if I remember. He is a single guy. The foreigner was intending to live here for good.
The problem of my friend now is that the foreigner is dating a lady that has 4 kids. She didn’t have problem with the 4 kids, but she had problem with the lady being still married to the father of the kids. The lady is trying to get separated, but is not totally yet. The lady also has a boyfriend on the side, plus the husband, and all the while dating the foreigner too! The foreigner knows about this too, but apparently is not concerned about it.
She wants me to meet the guy and talk to him. I told her that the foreigner guy is a big boy and can handle himself. And, I told her I don’t have business to be telling him what to do. I told her to let the guy find out for himself. The fear of my friend if the husband and/or the boyfriend might hurt the foreigner and they will get all his money. I told her let him learn his lesson,if he will not listen to common sense. If that’s what happens, let it be. I would not want something bad happening to the foreigner, but its not my business or my friend’s business to tell him any more. I told her that I had a friend before that I also warned him that the law here is so different than in the West, and that the politicians here would really protect their very own people.
Like what I told her, the foreigner will learn when the husband or the boyfriend will do something to him. Here, if the husband or the boyfriend caught the foreigner making out with the lady they can do anything to him. I’ve seen a lot on the news on TV that the lady and the lover get killed by the husband because he find out and caught the wife with somebody in bed. Here if the husband or boyfriend had somebody on the side(mistress) its more acceptable in the society. Like its just the norm here for that. But if the woman caught having an affair, its gonna be a big problem here. I felt that that the husband has the right to do anything. It’s really not fair though. I forgot theirs a lady politician trying to pass a law trying to get a fair right for the woman here in the Philippines. I am against having an affair, why not separate first before going to get involved with somebody.
Honestly I am really debating to write this because I am not so sure if some people will like it. But I also want some people to learn a lesson from somebody. I heard of people saying that it is not an easy place to live here because lots of beautiful ladies to look at and its so tempting for them. Well, its okay if the lady that you are dating is not committed yet to somebody. SO JUST BE VERY CAREFUL though if living here.
I don’t really know what to say more to my friend. I don’t really want to get involved with them. I am just crossing my fingers and hoping for the foreigner to learned his lesson and wake up to the reality. Any advice from you guys really are helpful. I will relay to my friend. Thank you to all!
Cheers!
In your article: "Here if the husband or boyfriend had somebody on the side(mistress) its more acceptable in the society. Like its just the norm here for that."
In the west, this was a very common thing hundreds of year ago. It's still something one sees in the U. S. & Europe, although I'd have to believe not nearly as common as in past times.
Is that really the norm in the Philippines ? I have to ask, even though projecting an approximate answer is difficult: what percentage of married men that are in the upper economic status in the Philippines actually have a mistress ?
The other thing is if the lovers have a spat which is very possible she could tell her husband or other boyfriend and he will seek this guy out. He could be caught by suprise
Feyma
I agree with you about not getting involved. The guy is playing a dangerous game, he may be lucky and get away with it, but others have found out the hard way. The husband can bring charges against the foreigner, which will result in possible jail time.
What I don't understand is why the foreigner would be OK with a married woman, who has a boyfriend on the side, and now seeing him. I can't imagine this woman having very high moral standards, but maybe the foreigner is comfortable in associating with people of his own kind.
I sadly must agree that having a woman on the side is common. It is not just the wealthy that do this. I have seen many men out spending money that could be used for their family on girls in the KTVs. Maybe the wives are in denial, as I don't know the wife's perspective on this. I do feel sorry for his family though, as they usually go without, so Daddy can entertain and impress his honey.
When the foreigner finally ends up in trouble, he will not see that it was all his fault from the very beginning. He will blame everyone but himself. He will badmouth the Philippines, it's culture, and the people, but never himself. I have seen it many times over.
I agree with you Lloyd…it's not like there aren't any available single women to build a relationship with in the Philippines. So why did he go and pick one with a very complicated (well, frankly disastrous) life-style? He seems like someone who's a thrill seeker, ignoring the consequences. He probably would resent anyone who tries to talk sense into him. He's already ignoring his Filipina friend.
So, I agree that Feyma is right not to want to get involved. This guy knows what he is doing is wrong…or he has no moral compass at all. Either way, he's a ticking time bomb. Best to stay clear and wait for the inevitable 'reality TV' moment.
Knew a man this happened to in the U.S. He was sleeping with a lady who was divorced. The ex walked in on them and stabbed this guy numerous times killing him. Also the man who was sleeping with the guys wife was married and his wife was shocked. A person should find the right partner and stay with them for life. Married my wife in the Philippines oct. 18, 1969. Made my choice and have stuck to it. To many split families in the world today. Nothing worse than someone who is jealous. This person should watch his back. My friend did'nt.
As a practice of mine, I will not entertain the thought of being with a separated or married filipina. I am separated myself, within 24 days or so of divorce.
The Philippines separation is somewhat different. There is, as I'm told, no divorce in the Philippines; only annulment that can take much money and years to obtain, if at all.
As was already mentioned, a foreigner can go to jail for being with a married woman. No filipina is so pretty to risk being beaten, jailed, six feet under or money extorted for being with her.
From what I see as a black man, there are millions of available women there. For me, all it takes is one; the right one! I assume the person you are speaking of is caucasian; as such, he will not be lonely here in the Philippines.
Maybe, he needs to get away to Thailand and forget about this "trouble" he's with.
Just my two cents!
Since you asked: Your title says it all. It's not your problem and not your friend's either. He wouldn't listen anyway. Trust your 1st instincts.
I'm not sure if the "destierro" law still applies in the Philippines. If you catch you're spouse in the act and in a fit of rage you ended up killing one or both, you will not serve jail time, punishment is only "destierro" or banishment…you only have to move out and not come back to your community.
"Then she told me of her problem with a person she cared about, her foreigner friend. It’s not her boyfriend because she’s a happily married. She just knew this friend for quite sometime now." – Feyma
Sounds like a Dear Abby problem to me, and it also sounds like your happily married friend may be interested in her foreigner friend for herself. How did she meet this guy, through the internet? And she has known this friend for "quite sometime now"? What's going on? To each his own, but if I were this lady's husband, I certainly would not approve of my wife making friends with guys through the internet. My advice to your friend is to forget about this loser and go back to her husband and kids where she belongs. The man is an adult, and he knows what he's doing. The guy is obviously a connoisseur of the forbidden fruit. Unsuccessful in Europe, he must think that married Filipinas are much easier, no doubt encouraged by his "friendship" with your married friend.
Sorry for being blunt, Feyma, but you asked for advice. What I have given is my honest assessment of this matter, for which I am fully prepared to receive your tongue-lashing :))
Hi Feyma,
I am surprise that it is acceptable behavior for a filipino lalaki to have an affair. I have seen some very jealous filipina and I can understand their feelings after seeing the lack of committment.
Personally, I have no desire to go out drinking and hanging out at bars. If I did decide to go to a bar, I am sure that my significant other would find me.
John R – I thought the same thing that you wrote in your posting. I guess it will be 2 of us getting the tongue-lashing.
To sum this all up there is a old saying. "Oh what tangled webs we weave when we practise to decieve."
Well like one said before love is blind…
…it doesn't have to be stupid though.
I met a married filipina in Iraq. She's unhappily married–so am I.
We didn't "get physical" but were very fond of each other over there.
Since then –over 4 years!!–we've developed a quite loving LDR.
She's in a different country now working at a Ramada.
We both understand our situation. Until I am blessed with enough money to divorce and seek her an annullment –the relationship will remain at a distance.
It hurts a lot—but love endures.
Hi Lloyd – Yeah, I just don't feel like getting involved with them. I don't want to be blamed at the end too.
That's one of the reason why my friend was worried for the foreigner. He could be charged and be in jail. Oh well, maybe he needs it to wake up. I guess he thinks he knows everything here. So will see what happens to him. I really hope for the best for him.
Thanks for your comment and advice. Take care!
Hi BOB G – That's also happening here. But the guy that stubbed the lover might not be prosecuted here(in the Philippines). Oh well, he will learn his lesson later.
Wow, almost your 40th wedding anniversary. Congratulations to you and your wife. Happy Anniversary to you both. Take care and God bless!
Hi Ed Griffin – Wise thinking.
Really he can find a lot of single ladies here in the Philippines. I am not really sure what he is thinking getting involved with somebody who is married already. I am not sure if his stupidity kicks in or just wanting some thrill. I am really tired of hearing some foreigner being scammed here.
Yes he is a Caucasian man. Yeah, maybe he should try Thailand.
Good to see you here again Ed. Thanks for the good advice. Take care!
kamusta feyma
wow this foreigner is in for alot of troubles.there are so many nice single filipina there why go after one with multiple boyfriends or husbands…mabe in his home country he couldent even find a date so he fell for the first filipina he met off the plane..although some people like the drama and sneaking around.it may seem fun at first but it can have tough consequences.
some men like the unatainable or unavailable like some kind of challange.
good luck to your friend but i think you should stay clear of this one feyma
just one more thought
i know its very common for a husband to send his filipina wife to a internet cafe to scam money from foreigners.in one such case the foreigner even came to davao and the husband let his wife meet this total stranger alone so the husband could get some money.i know these people personally and thought of it with total disgust.i guess some people will do anything for money…personally if i didnt have much money i would rather starve than send my wife to scam for money.my 2 cents worth
salamat feyma,,,,,,ps i also know its common here in usa also and not just filipino.
Hi Feyms,
I know love is blind, but I hope this foreigner will use his head, not his thing down there.. 🙂
good day feyma!
iam rose domingo of davao city. i love to write anything and about anything under the sun. i would like to ask if how could i be a member of your writing group in your web magazine. pls reply if i could. thanks a million. i want also to sell any beach or farm or residential lots in samal as it is my work when i was there. i'min malolos, bulacan temporarily but if God permits i will be going b ack home soon.
rose
Rosemarie – I tried to send you information about becoming a writer on LiP, but the e-mail address you gave us is not valid, the mail bounced back to me.
Hi John Reyes – Thank you for giving the reason to write about the Dear Abby thing. I never thought of myself of being A Dear Abby/Feyma here, but you gave me the thought. I would be happy if I could just do a tenth of what she does. Of course she had the degree though. 🙂 More power to Dear Abby…
I have to say though that my friend doesn't or ever need to be with the foreigner friend of hers. She's been successful and her husband too. She owned few houses and her kids were all professionals. She just cared a lot for her friend. She has few foreigner in-laws. She cared for the friend just like the way she cared for her in-laws. Her husband was also in fear for the foreigner. So I would say though my friend has no desire to be with her friend other than just a good friend.
Hey, I can understand what you meant on your comment about my friend. I might also say something like that if I were on your shoes. But I can assure you that my friends intention is good for her friend. No malice on that. I really thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate very much.
Glad to see you here. Take care!
Hi Jack – Lots of lies and deceit. It must be hard to break, its been going on for decades. I think the women nowadays starting to not accept too much. They fight the partner, some by cutting off the you know what of the guy. Some still the same as old days that just accept it. Honestly some guys do the same they will accept the affair of the wife. I guess to everyone's choice really at the end. If they want to fight back or not.
Some people really wants to hang out in a bar or KTV. Then that's when they get in trouble. Hmmm, lots of women there, its normal for the wife/girlfriend to get jealous.
Hey, I really appreciate your thoughts and comments. Thank you so much for stopping by. Take care!
Hi BOBG – Thank you for sharing.
Good to see you here. Take care!
Hi RonW – That's one thing I told my friend. Why he went for the complicated one that he knows lots of available ladies here in the Philippines. Oh well, he will learn his lesson later then.
Thank you for the comment Ron. Take care!
Hi RonW – Yeah that's true. I really hope my friend's friend will wake up and see the reality. He is really acting stupid right now.
Yes a lot of people will do anything(bad)for money.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I appreciate very much.
Take care!
Hi Ann – I have to admit my friend's friend was using the wrong head. He will learn his lesson though if the husband or the boyfriend of the lady his with cut off that head. I hope he will wake up before anything like that happened.
Good to hear from you my friend. Take care always!
Hi ROSEMARIE C. DOMINGO – Good. Just try to email Bob directly at the "contact us" on top.
Hope to hear from you.
Take care!
Hi John Reyes – Not a problem.
Now you got me thinking again here. Honestly I really want to help our Kababayans. If it really helps them why not. If they are comfortable talking to me why not.
Thanks again for the good thought. I have my mind grinding again here. 😉
Take care!