Moving is not inexpensive, even if you are just moving to the other side of town! Imagine moving half way around the world! Certainly you have to spend a serious amount of money to make such a move. Especially if you decide to bring along your belongings, or a significant portion of your stuff, moving expenses will skyrocket. When I moved here in 2000, my wife and I brought along virtually everything we owned. Shipping container loads of household goods was expensive, but in my opinion it was worth it.
Imagine, though, if you were to make such a move and then in only a matter of months or a year you decided to go back home again? It would be a lot of money wasted. Yet, time and again, I see expats who spend significant money to move to the Philippines, yet only stay here for a year or less. What a waste!
I will tell you this, though…. living here is not easy, and it takes time to make the adjustment. As a matter of fact, I am not certain that you can ever fully adjust to life here. What you need to do, though, is to be able to accept that things are done differently here, and you are not going to change it. Accept that, agree with yourself that you will just accept it, and you will be fine. It takes time, though. I’ve been here over 6 years, and I still have a hard time every now and then. It’s only been about a year now that I have been able to release a lot of my preconceived notions on how things should be and just accept the way they are.
Believe it or not, in my experience and by watching others, it seems that the women (Filipina women who grew up here and then lived in the west) have a harder time adjusting back to life here than their husbands do! I have seen this in almost every case of a Fil/Am couple moving here after living in the West.
I anticipated that this is how it would be. I knew it in my bones. Because of this, when my wife and I started thinking about making this move, I told her that if we were to go live in the Philippines, we must both agree that no matter what, we would stay for a minimum of five years. If after five years we could not make the adjustment, we could then return home. However, I said, if we left in under five years we had simply not done justice to the move and given ourselves time to adjust. As it turned out, I was right. In the first few years, there were a lot of times that we just wanted to go home and leave the Philippines in our rearview mirror. Now that I am better adjusted, I am sure happy that I didn’t leave, because I love living here!
How about you, can you make it for the long run? Or will you bug out after 6 months? If you think you may bug out, you might be better to just keep dreaming and save you money.
bob,
your website is very informative and i am happy for you for choosing the philippines as your other home. i am a retired military personnel and wanting to go back there to retire. can you give me some information what type of healthcare insurance i can get. i heard some about certain hospitals accepting Tricare, is this true?? We are also planning to ship most of our household goods will this be a good idea?? how much does it cost?? do you have a reputable lists of moving companies that you can recommend that can take care of the shipment including the clearing through customs there in the philippines. thank you…don
Hi Donald,
Thanks for writing! Nice to meet you!
Yes, indeed, you can use Tricare here, but it must be the regular Tricare, not the premium Tricare (I forgot, what is it Tricare Plus or something like that)? That one is not useable here.
When I moved here, I had a real slew of stuff to move, it filled two 40 foot containers, and the cost was $10,000.
To be honest, it's been so long since I moved here that I don't even remember who I used, or who I looked into for the moving. Sorry I can't be of any assistance on that!
Bob
Why is it difficult for Filipinas when they come back? What are the difficulties? That honestly surprised me. My brother-in law is married to a Filipina and they are planning to move to Davao in three years. By then she will have been here in the states for five years. He's never been to the Philippines. Maybe they are in for a double whammy. She left as a single, never travelled out of the country girl, and will be returning as a wife, mother of two children, and having been abroad for five years. Do the difficulties stem from being exposed to western comforts, or is it that the Filipina experiences such a degree of personal growth during her time abroad that she has mentally out-grown her relatives, or does the exposure to western time-consciousness and efficiency make her less patient upon her return back? You've really got me wondering about this.
Hi Kevin K – Honestly, I have not known a single couple who moved back here that the Filipina wife did not experience a very hard time in adjusting. Exactly as you say, when your sister-in-law moved away she was sort of naive, not being exposed to the luxuries and comforts of the western world. When she comes back, there will be many adjustments to be made.
In answer to your various questions – is it this or is it that? The answer is YES. It is all of the things that you mentioned, and even more. It is too much to go into in a comment. I will write a post about it next week, so you can know more.
My brother recently visited me here in the US. He noticed all the push button appliances that I own. He bragged that in the Philippines all his appliances are "void activated". With a simple order "wash my clothes" they all come back to him washed, pressed and folded.
Ops I mean "VOICE ACTIVATED".
hi bob, i have just found out why my wife is terrified of coming home. as is usual here in the uk, she has plenty of friends (also filipino's), and, as im sure you can vouch for, they talk, and talk, and talk (bless them). well, it seems that some friends of ours went for a vacation to iloilo, and stayed with relatives, poor farmers, with little or no money.
while there, they would try out the food that the locals were eating, (rice boiled in the local water etc), fish from the wetmarket), anyway, they all got sick and had to spend time in the local hospital.
as well as costing a small fortune (no health insurance), they had to provide all the medicines, and also food. this is quite normal for a rural hospital, i believe? so….then it was time to come home, they were fully recovered by this time.
instead of relating this to my wife, and joking about it, what they did was, when my wife told them that we were thinking of selling up, and moving to the philippines, tried to make out that "this is normal, in the philippines".
coupled with this, there is the curse of course, (im working on that one), and the fact that, like you said, the family will be a problem, and will need to be educated,( working on that one too) and all of the other filipina's (all telling her different things). i am going to have my work cut out for me, but i know, when we are there, all the qualms we have had over the past few months will disappear.
by the way, gas (petrol) prices here are much higher than the states, or there, as are cigarettes and many other things, and the electricity bills you are paying are about the same as here too.
of course, the one thing you dont need is central heating, so you only need to get a couple of decent aircon's, or pedestal fans, and some lpg to cook with.
btw, james (our son 12 yrs old), can hardly wait to move, he is looking forward to having the lifestyle that all filipino's share, the beach, basketball, and the life in general, as for me, i will go into that next time.
thats all for now, take care and keep up the blogs.
Ian
I had to laugh Bob when I read your blog refrence your agreement to stay at least 5 years otherwise you felt you would have not given your attempt to settle in the Philippines justice.
Now in my case and at my age if I don't last 5 years it's because I've snuffed it (natural causes hopefully) or Marilou has killed me out of frustration because she has found it difficult to settle.
I'm now beginning to think I cannot win whatever I do Ha! Ha! Ha!
Hi Bob yes speak exactly my wife tell me homesick philippines
but last year 2006 stay 2 month and also the year 2005 1 month
Now thinking in san juan place of my wife nearly 15 minutes
from vigan she is skirt the weather is hot and thinking better
go to live Baguio city I like also Baguio city because we visit
the year 1982 is very nice city. But tell one greek my frient
stay nearly of the relatives of your wife because you don't
know the philippine custom because the philippino is very sensitive
people. And also my wife read the article of the feyma about
the relatives and the family. If she is call relatives in philippines
speak for her have problem no have money no speak for my wife
give money for them but speak please for other relatives my wife work hear in greece speak for them send money for
philippines and now she is thinking wha we are doing. after telephon for the leratives in philippines she is sick.
Hi Bob:
You wrote above that next week you would do an article on why Filipina's find it more difficult to return to the Philippines. I would REALLY like to hear about that from Feyma's perspective also. Would it be possible for the two of you to do a joint post on that one? I would really like Jo {my wife Johanna} to read it and get her reaction to that also. The bottom line is she is half of this equation !!
Hi Bobby – I have those same appliances like your brother!
Hi Jim – We live just up the road from where you will be living! If Marilou starts getting out of hand, just text me, and I'll come take care of her for you! 👿
Hi Zois – Baguio is nice I hear, although I haven't been there. For cool weather, I'd choose to stay in Bukidnon, Mindanao. Now, that place is beautiful!
Hi Wayne – I already wrote the article, but after I wrote it, I asked Feyma to read it and approve it. She read it, said it was perfectly accurate, and I have it set up to post on Monday morning (Sunday night for you). Feyma has written most of what is there before, but not all in one post at a single time. Keep watching!
Hi Ian – sounds like you have a plan together! Good luck with the pending move!
Hi Bob et.al.
I've been visiting your blog since I "discovered" it. Your views as well as that of your staff writers have fascinated me because the situation is reversed; now I'm hearing from foreigners who have immigrated to the Philippines!!! What a difference from always hearing how Filipino emigres are doing in their new host countries. We have enough stories of this kind so it's great to hear from the other side of the fence.
I've lived in Silicon Valley for almost three decades now so I've had enough exposure to many varied cultures around the world, both in my workplace and in the community where I live. I can somehow relate to your comment about Filipinas having the most difficult time settling back in the Philippines. I've thought about moving back sometime and I have not completely discarded the idea… but I tread with caution. It's not easy (though not impossible) to make the transition back. But in my case, I sometimes wonder, why would I want to when I can always go back there to visit and then come back to where I'm more "comfortable"?
I talk of comfort not in the physical sense, such as nicer homes, more comfortable lifestyle, etc. That's not the comfort I'm concerned with. Here in the US, anyways, I look for vacation spots that "brings me back to the basics" — like spending time in a log cabin in the woods with no TV, or phones (although hmmm, now we have the ubiquitous cell phones and blackberries, so scrap that idea), no running water, etc. I've loved these vacations. I'm not afraid of physical discomforts to test my limits.
My biggest challenge is stretching my "emotional" comfort zone. You live in a community long enough and you "absorb" the new ways and they become ingrained that you don't notice you are really quite a different person from how you once were. That is, until you go back with the "new you" and everyone is careful how they behave around you because "iba ka na…" (ie, you're different, you have changed, etc.) That really intrigued me, when I went back there, that inside I felt the same and yet folks were treating me as if I was from outer space. Smile…
One thing they find difficult to deal with (and so do I, with them) is my level of assertiveness and (verbal) forthrightness. When I want something, I will say so. I don't beat around the bush hoping that someone will "second-guess" my desires or "get it" w/o me having to say it. I remain polite though in my communications, w/o necessarily masking my intended message(s). So I try to somewhat tailor my communication style to the Filipinos' (our) level of sensitivity. I'm still perceived as too upfront, too insensitive, too arrogant… etc. And believe me, I don't think I'm any of these. Probably I can take a "yes" on the upfront label but not on insensitivity or arrogance. (Believe me, I take enough courses on the personal development side, in order to successfully conduct my affairs here in the U.S. This is an ongoing thing with me.)
This has been a big challenge for me. Could it be because I'm a woman? Would the same scenario be treated with more understanding if I were a male balikbayan? (I'm both musing aloud and waiting for some feedback. Probably some of your readers will address this.)
I have to learn to "really shut up" if I were to move back there. But that will have to wait then, for when I'm really no longer a working person earning my keep. Right now, I will enjoy the best of both worlds. I have enough Filipino culture here from families visiting and from some friends that I have long-term. I can go back there for visits when I want to and stay just long enough so as not to wear out my welcome and make my circle uncomfortable.
Your blogs are delightfully informative. Keep them up! Probably you and your staff can come up with a downloadable (for-sale) ebook for prospective settlers to the Phillippines. Won't that be a way to monetize your experience/expertise?
Thanks to you all for sharing your experiences. Phenomenal collection of stories!
Hi Angie S. – Wow, I enjoyed reading your comment! Be sure to tune in on Monday (Sunday night for you) when I have a story coming out that talks about Feyma's readjustment here and the challenges she faced. It really echoes a lot of the things you are saying! Many of your descriptions fit our situation to a tee. You are quite insightful!
Regarding needing to learn to "shut up." I encourage you to not do so! The Philippines is changing, and as more and more OFW's come back home after working abroad, we will see a lot of evolution of Filipino culture. Just as the mixture of different races (Filipino and Foreign, for the sake of our discussion) is leading to kids (and even adults now) that are physically diverse, the melding of many cultures will, in my opinion make the culture of the Philippines even better in the long run. It will be a big transition for Filipinos, but in the long run it will improve the country. I believe that this process is inevitable as thousands of OFW's come home in the years to come.
Thanks for sharing your insight!
Hi Angie S.
You write very well. Excellent post. You seem a kindred spirt to Connie Veneracion. She is a lawyer/chef/professor/writer who lives outside of Manila. I think you will enjoy her blogs: http://houseonahill.net/ (Bob, I hope its not impolite to refer to another blog). She is tremendously outspoken, yet I don't think she comes off as arrogant at all. To me she is reflective and thoughtful. She seems to live a successful, happy life in the Philippines so I think it can be done. (Being an outspoken Filipina without having everyone dislike you for arrogance.)
Magandang Asawa-ko summarizes her readjustment woes quite well: "It's because I've become spoiled!" 😉 I'm allowed to agree with that and agree with Angie S.'s observation of "iba ka na" – we've experienced that on visits home.
Close friendships with school classmates (both those remaining back home and balikbayan) have truly helped lessen the readjustment woes, making our upcoming retirement back home possible. 🙂
Hi Kevin K. – Hmm… Connie Veneracion. I used to love to read her blogs. About 2 years ago, I made a comment that was not in 100% agreement with what she wrote, and she banned me from ever commenting again. I felt that what I had said was polite, respectful, etc. just a different point of view, but she went ballistic and banned me from commenting. I lost my respect for her after that. For me, that is arrogant, but it has nothing to do with her being outspoken…
Hi Paul – Interesting comment about the close friendships from school classmates being helpful. You'll read Feyma's experience with that tomorrow.
Bob,
Well in that case, I won't ever mention Ms. Veneracion again. I keep forgetting how new I am to all of this. Yours is actually the first blog I ever "followed" and that has only been for a couple of months now. I have just started discovering new blogs so I can get a handle on the blogging phenomenon. I apologize for bringing her up.
Hi Kevin K – No need to apologize! I am not like her, I don't mind her name being brought up here! If people can get enjoyment from reading her, that's great!
Thanks for following my blog, I appreciate it, and I'm glad that you find it of enough value to keep visiting!
hi bob,
i promised i would tell you WHY, were moving over there.
both myself and my wife (myrna) are 54 years of age, we have a son james who is 12 years old.
we are moving over there, for financial/personal reasons. we own a lovely house here, which has gained a substantial amount over the past 10 years, but now, it is just too big for us to maintain.
plus the fact that, it is so expensive, just to live here !!
myrna had an accident some 3 years ago, and then whilst recovering, she also broke her ankle !
i am suffering from an accident, i had some 25 years ago too, so much so, that i am now "unemployable" !
so….why move to the philippines?
well, its for myrna, and james, here, we now live as borderline poor people, we struggle to pay the bills, have a 12 year old car etc. added to this, myrna is getting very tired with the life here. its too much for her, so…..to cut a long story short, we decided to put our last spare cash, into the house, and to sell it and move to laguna.
we wont be bringing anything with us, just a few clothes, and intend renting a house, buying a car, and just sitting back for a couple of months to get a feel for the place.
our intention is, to put our cash into a bank, maybe HSBC, with some put into time deposits, which should give us enough to live on, until we decide which business we want to enter into.
i am sure, that once there, myrna will settle in very well, " a filipina among filipino's)of course, there will be times when we want to " come home", but im sure they will pass.
as for james, im sure the education system there will do him good, he is a very sociable boy, and im sure he will make many new friends.
the lifestyle/quality of life, will trap us, i think…….hehehehehe
well, thats the reason were moving, at the moment, were halfway through "doing up the house", and will begin de-cluttering, in preparation for the SOLD sign going up…..lol.
keep it up bob, and feyma.
ian
Hi Ian – I hear you! And, I understand what you are saying. For people living on the edge of poverty in the USA, they can come here and enjoy a good life, relatively free of worries about money. Good luck on your move, I hope that it is a huge success for you!
I am a Filipina married to an American. Currently, we're still living and working here in the USA but we have plans to move to the Philippines after 10 years as "early retirement" (we're in the late 30's). I do not think I would ever have a hard time adjusting to my own country or hometown when I go back there. I recently just took a 2 month vacation (after being away from the Philippines for 7 years) , although alone (because my husband had to work ) and I find that living in my hometown is going to be the best decision when we retire (by that time, we're in our late 40's). I am confident that I won't have a hard time adjusting because I absolutely enjoyed my 2-month stay there without any complaints or gripes. I don't see anything that's hard for me to re-adjust when I come back w/ my husband—–except for the "extreme heat" (since I live in a state where we experience the coldest winter and cold weather for about 8 to 9 months), and the "public bathrooms". My friends there are still my friends, and people who looked down on me before still look down on me –so there's really no great expectation or change of "public image" that they hold or expect me to be. The funny thing is , people in the Philippines expect me to speak Filipino w/ an American accent and they say that I do have it. And here in America, Americans say that I have a different accent which sometimes too frustrating for me since people here can demean me based on how I speak English.
Anyway, I enjoy reading your blog . The first time I came across your blog , I spent 4 hours just reading all of your posts and comments. My husbandd had read some of them but because of limited time (and he's not really a mouse-potato like I am), he just read a couple of them but he said he will take time to read all of them since he's also interested in moving to the Philippines.
One thing that concerns him, he is a schoolteacher (Music teacher teaching K-to 6) and a part-time guitarist /musician/composer for a band, —is if there are opportunities for him there. I cannot assure him of that yet although I told him "you wouldn't work hard on your ass as much as hard as you're doing now , if we retire in the Philippines".
Keep posting…Good luck and have a great blessed week!
Hi Bing – I welcome you and your husband to the blog! I do hope that when you settle down here you will find the adjustment easy to handle! If you do, though, I believe that you will be the exception. Good luck!
hi bob.love your web page.i like to read your information on moving to philipines,very informative on all matte rs concerning moving to phil god bless to you and your family’.
Thank you, Geoffrey, glad to know you are enjoying my site!