The last few days have been tough days for me. I am not going to go into detail about it, but I’ll tell you a little bit. It all has to do with problems with plumbing in our house. The landlord has people working on this for us, trying to get it fixed, but it is very slow going.
Honestly, I’ve been hard on Feyma about it, because I am just so mad and inconvenienced that I don’t feel well, and I guess I have nobody else to blame it on. I don’t know for sure why Feyma puts up with me when I get annoyed like this. I guess she loves me, that is the only reason why anybody would put up with me through this little ordeal.
The thing is, this is a typical landlord issue. At least they are working on it, which is more than a lot of landlords do here. It’s just way too slow!
The thing is, I have been complaining of this plumbing problem for several months now, but nobody did anything about it until it became an emergency. At this point, we cannot use our master bathroom, which leaves Feyma and I having to use the bathroom that the kids normally use. That means that 10 people are using one bathroom. That doesn’t work well, and that is why I am not dealing well with the situation.
I don’t like it when I take out my frustration on Feyma, but I suppose that I do it almost every time. It’s one of the bad sides of myself, and I know that I have to change it, because Feyma is good to me, and I should not treat her in the way that I have. I guess part of the problem is that when I get frustrated about a situation like this, I want to talk to the landlord and let them know that I am not happy with the way they are handling it. Feyma, on the other hand, wants to smooth everything over and not show that we are upset or frustrated. So, she kind of holds me back from talking to the people, which makes me even more upset!
Oh well, I am hoping that we will be able to use our bathroom in the next day or so, but I don’t expect that to happen. I think it will be at least a few more days before we can use it. Can I make it that long? I don’t know. I am, though, going to try to keep my temper in check and see if I can do better. No matter what, I am not going to be happy, I just need to not be so mad about it. That is not an easy thing for me to do in a situation like this, but I’ll do my best.
I admit that Feyma is a lot better at keeping her feelings in check in a situation like this. All I can do is try to do better. Maybe if it can’t be repaired soon, I should go out of town for a short trip. That will take my mind off of it, and also get me away from the things that frustrate me at this time!
Not sure if this will help Bob but here goes. Just say over and over "this too shall pass". Look at the bright side what if both bathrooms were out? Ron
Bob,
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Justin
Kamusta ka Bob,
Bob, I know exactly what you are talking about. I use to let things get to me all of the time, I had no patience for things like this. Just driving in the traffic around the Washington, DC beltway each day would drive me crazy. My brothers are the same way though when it comes to this, so maybe it is genetic in someway, I don't know. But the thing I realized is that when I would get this way, it affected the people around me, and for what, just little things that would get solved eventually, just not quick enough for me. As for dealing with the DC drivers, I never did get over that until I moved to Florida, and I love when people here complain about the traffic here..which I find not a problem at all.
I guess what I am saying, is that I realized that some of the things I would get mad about, in the end..weren't all that important to get all that upset about. So, I just told myself that I won't let these things bother me anymore, and since I moved to Florida some 12 years ago now. I really don't let too much bother me now, unless of course it is something serious. Also, when I would get upset, it would affect my blood pressure too, and heck, I am too young for that…so is another reason I changed my ways about getting upset easily.
But that is just me, and how I solved that problem for myself. Besides, life is too short, and we all need to enjoy it the best we can…(sorry for that old cliche, but I agree with it. )
Is another reason, I think I will adjust fine to living in the Philippines, and adapt to the customs there. I am sure there will be times when I may get frustrated, but I will keep my cool, and not make the people around me miserable or uncomfortable. Like I have told you before, I am going to have a HUGE open mind when I come to live there.
I am not going to call this advice, but just my way of dealing with problems like this.
Salamat ahong amigo,
Danny 🙂
Morning Bob,
Frustrating isn't it. I would find it the same especially since I do all my own plumbing here (jack-of-all-trades). I would feel frustrated and helpless if I was in your position since I would know I could likely fix the problem myself but probably wouldn't have the tools there in the Philippines. Did you take ALL your possessions when you moved? Your electrical equipment would likely have been the wrong voltage – 110 v 240? The house I stayed in which was near new had isses with the toilet backing up. Not sure what the problem was there.
Bob
I am the same way. I usually want to resolve an issue without problems, but it seems that problems are a daily occurance here. I am fairly tolerant of situations and try to wait out a resolution, but when things escalate I start to vent my frustration to my wife. I think mostly to express my feelings without confronting the person responsible because one never knows how they may take your displeasure. I know most filipinos do not like confrontations and to make matters worse will tell you what you want to hear, even though they know it may not be true.
It takes a lot of patience to deal with most daily tasks here, that we just take in stride while back in our home countries.
Each day I just tell myself that most things are not worth getting worked up over, and that eventually things will get resolved.
Hello Danny,
Very good advice and I can relate to a extent. In my past I was very hot tempered but now days seldom does anything bother me not because I no longer have a temper but because I just control it differently. What I do is just ask myself will my explosive temper help or hinder the situation and rather Ill even remember the situation a year down the road. In most cases I find that the situations truly are insignificant and if viewed on larger scale are microscopic in their size.
I don't know but just think if Bob would relax and examine his water situation from another prospective he may hopefully feel differently. I mean if ever they get done his water will probably be better and even until that point hews still better off than many of the citizens of the nation who live so far below poverty that they have no running water but rather pump water out of the ground. Truly if viewed in that way the problem is indeed minor as are most problems people face in daily life.
Just the opinion of a half crazy recovering drunk.
Justin
Hi Bob,
Just be careful,when we get mad and frustrated we raise our blood pressure.
If it becomes to much, maybe a chill out trip to Bukidnon or Samal would be good.
Take care,regards Chas.
Hey Bob
Never met you face on, but it sounds like we both have old ladies that keep our tempers in check, unfortunately we may vent on the one who least deserves it.
Im sure you hear this alot as I do"Calm Down"
Don't morph into the "Ugly American"
Would it be easier all around to just take matters into your own hands to avoid the extra blood pressure and have a go at fixing it yourself. Most problems I run into can be fixed with a snake
Hee Hee Hey Bob hang in there ..Remember that you are in a different country ..and they do things different there …I think it has something to do with SIR – Slow In Real-life .. Chin-up Bob just think in a few days you will be writing about the new plumbing and how good it is , or will you ..?? 🙂 🙂 …Phil N Jess
Oh my friend, I really should not be rolling around on the floor laughing…. I sent Feyma a mail yesterday about just this….. As you know we have just moved into a new place. Very beautiful and "lives" wonderfully…. BUT….
In Almost a month I have not had one day that I havn't had either the contractors here, or Dino doing "midnight plumbing". Thank heavens for insomnia.
Won't even go into the boring things like having to get holes for aircon, gas etc. We got here with our furniture on the Saturday morning and the contractor was expecting us to move in, but he had a man varnishing the stairs… couldn't get the furniture upstairs so Dino and I had to carry it all up over the next week. Then the real fun…
All the wiring into the house for PLDT and Sky was damaged. This took forever to get sorted out and lots of mess. We have 3 bathrooms. The master bathroom still has problems, so have 1 to use the loo, 1 to shower, 1 to brush teeth…. Thankfully no stay over guests at the moment.
Now for the fun but, and please don't be envious, we cant all have this, we have amazing indoor water features, coming out of the lights and door bell…. ( I am guessing that DIY electric shock treatment isn't far off). The windows on the one side of the house wash themselves inside and out, and do the floors….
If it wasn't for the fact that the house is so airy and light and I love being in it I think Dino would have insisted on moving at least 3 sets of repairs ago.
I have obviously mellowed here because before I would have been in the landlords office ranting and raving, I know it will do no good, so we plodd on. Dino repairing and me trying to keep him sane and the house looking like it isn't a building site.
And although I realize that what Justin says is true, and we are lucky, on the other hand we are paying not inexpensive rent for a place that should have these facilities. I don't think it is unreasonable to expect them to work….
Good luck, let me know when you are leaving, we will be waiting at the gate with our bags…. oh wait, then the repairs don't get done…. So think of us then. We will be the ones that know 101 things to do with plumbers putty and how to clean it off of basins and tiles….
Hello Bob,
Wow, I thought it the pressure your stressed out by only now do I see it the drainage this time. Look at the bright side though as maybe now while fixing the drainage the landlord could also utilize the opportunity to install you a tank and pump to fix your pressure issue also, that way you'll be out of commission only once but once back in business you'll have benefit of proper drainage and pressure.
Justin
Bob,
I wrote my own contracts and paid by the year, most landlords wanted my lump sum cash so agreed to my term, golden rule is he who has the gold makes the rules. Anyway, Once of stipulations in my contract where I could do any repairs or improvements that I deemed needed and deduct from next years rent and tack interest onto any repair I financed out of my pocket. Should landlord have broken lease and not allow me the deductions the following year then having their appliances or etc sheriffed and held in the hall of justice compound until the outcome of a very lengthy civil trail was a option if they chose to go that route.
Truly, I never had any problems with landlords meeting my demands though. I did not pay high price either, last place I rented only paid 36tphp per year but city councilor who moved in after I moved out paid over double that, guess it just is how well you negotiate in order to make things advantageous to you.
Justin
Bob,
If I chose not to renew contract my money was due to be reimbursed to me with interest. Actually, When I left Cebu the landload owed me 135,000php which she paid. As stated had no problem with landlords that I often read about.
Regarding house I rented for 36tphp per year, that was about 3yrs ago, that house was a 4br , 3bath in gated community, not upscale but gated and guarded. When I left house had water tank, water pump, hot water, philippine marble flooring, etc not bad place at all but rather small as would estimate the square footage at around 1,500sqft.
Truly my entire monthly living cost in Philippines minus my love for high end fire arms was less than your rent if you pay over 36tphp per month rent.
Justin
Hello Bob,
Out of curiosity though why not try asking the landlord to install the pump and tank though as wouldn't cost him much at all since I remember him saying he owned some hardware stores. Could even make it cost him less by offering to pay the labor out of your pocket to save him money. Seems it would benefit him by giving him by improving his property while benefiting you by giving you a more comfortable living condition. Worse fellow can do is say no.
BTW, Do you engage in shooting? If not you should try it as either hunting or going to a range really relieves stress effectively at times you feel stressed out over things like water or etc. Not sure why it works but truly it does.
Justin
Bob,
It is an unfortunate way, but when we are upset we complain to the one we are closest with, plus for me, since I do not speak Bisaya, I rant and rave at Elena to take care of it.
If the landloard plumber does not fix problem and you can get them to cover the cost, I have a plumber I can send.
Bob,
One other thought. Now your trying to assimilate to be more Filipino, you can just go outide and pee on the wall. hahaha
Bob, you know I try to not be a superstitious person ,,, but a week ir two back I wrote something about renting and landlords and you told me how great your landlord was about taking care of repairs.
I appreciated the contrasting view, but there was a thought in the back of my mind that went sort of like. "Oh Bob, I hope you didn't screw up your own good luck there." … just sort of a silly superstition like the guy who says 'my car always starts' and then goe sout to the parking lot and ust gets a click when he hits the key..
Sorry to see the superstition confirmed. But yes, it will pass. Did you not go on your annual retreat? Take one, it will feel a lot better when you get back.
Bob,
Good for you. hahaha.
I joke, "there should be equal rights for women in the Philippines….. women should be allowed to pee on walls the same as men"
Bob,
I had seen that before and it is great. hahaha
I saw this one too and you might enjoy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChkAdoNwSn0&fe…
Bob,
I knew of that product in America. A friend was really into camping and his wife complained she wanted to pee on a tree as men can, so he found a similar product for her to use.
Good article Bob. I don't know how your visa status affects the possibility of being deported for losing one's temper at the wrong person. To vent on the wife is not good, however, to vent with anyone else someone like me bears that possibility of being deported.
I'm curious if your permanent visa insures that you are immune from the fears that I would have.
Hi Bob – Might be time for your annual booster of SIR training. 😉 🙂
Just remember: Both you and your landlord (and/or plumbers) probably have the same amount of time invested in learning the ways you respond to different events. I have to remind myself all the time that asawa-ko spent just as much time becoming a Filipina as I did becoming a 'Kano – and it would probably take a similar length of time for us to fully adjust to the other's ways! 😆
Thanks guys, now that gadget looks like a plan… That poor man,
I have just had workmen here to fix the leaking lights, but they all went away again to return at some point that is unspecified…
Where can I get the booster and can one safely use it daily???
Was going to go shopping, guess not hey?
Indeed that is a breakthrough, getting a goahead like that to just fix what is needed. Not the usual tway things are done at all, so I was wrong, even though you have hit a 's[eed bump', your overall luck is holding up well.
I really understand the frustration with point up problems and not getting action tacken _before_ something busts … and then costs more to fix than preventive meaintenace would have cost.
It's like there is always enough money to have the Jeepney towed to the mechanic with as thoroughly "fried" engine, but never enough money to buy the $10 fan belt that would have prevented the whole mess. Welcome to the Philippines.
Sure, I am here, now cleaning fans and all those other exciting jobs… Good luck. Hope they don't push off too.
Hang in there Bob, I know that things can get really frustrating however just remember there are a lot of people a heaps worse off than you…
Take care of Feyma, she's a diamond by all accounts.
Bob: Sounds like you are in desperate need of a good drain surgeon
Bob you need to make a movie out of it .." The Perils of the CR " staring Mindanao Bob and the cast of LIP. 🙂 🙂 🙂 .. .. Phil n Jess
Hey Bob when life hands you calamansi…. make lemonade ! go to a hotel !! 😉
Bob, relax son. Keep an eye on that blood pressure?After all its the Pines, take it easy. I mean thats why were here right?
When I moved into my partners family home, I looked at it and thought, well what can I build to bring this home into the 21st century. A modern bathroom would help, full shower hot and cold water and a CR that would make GMA's Pres butt proud, some new plumbing, lights so we can see, a pump, a tank, a well, so there would be plenty of water right – Wrong? Life was dandy for 6 months then the water supply went from a dribble to a drip.
My blood pressure was much higher than the local water pressure lol.
After a few weeks I gave up complaining to the water authorities, I used my wife as an interpreter ( I think she edited some of my choice words ). After many promises that water would flow to the normal dribble…..it got worse to at times no water at all………..
So i did whatever any other beaten man would do, look at my 80,000 peso bathroom and just laugh and laugh……..then I took to pitching water from my improvished neighbor's ground well and had an outdoor bucket and scoop bath. LOL
Bob we have the same problem. When I get mad..well my wife takes most of my words……..well makes me feel bad when she just kisses me..hehehe.. as for getting mad about those kind of stuffs..well i am the patient type while my wife..wants it done right away..she wants the orders on time, wants the services done properly…you see the picture..she gets mad about these things and I take the brunt of all her madness..hehehe.
Hi Bob
I just had a similar problem with my son and his car. His car was towed and he felt like it shouldn't have. So he heads down to the police station fuming and ended up having his car kept an extra day because of the way he was acting. Getting irate usually doesn't help the problem especially in the Philippines.
Hi Bob- I would have thought that living in the Philippines for as long as you have, that you would be an expert at "KEEPING YOUR COOL!
Hi Bob, sorry, I am late, because many things keep me busy… I would be frustrated too if such things gonna happened to me. And, honestly, these are also moments, I might get some misunderstandings with Rose (and/or in-laws). Being married 26 years this month, Rose will not take my "explosions" very serious. Mostly a hug, a smile, a kiss – and that's it… . I know Feyma very well. She is very similar… . – Regarding your problems with your landlord: I wish everything will be fine again1 Have a nice Sunday, my friend… .
Hi Bob ,
First i was thinking your wife must be a clone of mine , or vice versa . 🙂 But then i reminded myself that's it's common for the Filipina to avoid any sort of losing face situation .
We have a family that lives on the back side of the property we rent that were former caretakers . Obviously the house no longer needs caretakers but they continue to live there rent free which is between them and the landlord . But we only have one electric and water meter so we get the bill for both families . That's where the fun starts . 😉 It's only maybe a 1,000p a month or so but it does bug me that these people don't understand that you can't have water and electric in Cagayan De Oro for 600p a month . 🙂 At least not with appliances and the like .
My wife thinks we should just absorb the cost difference rather than cause someone to lose face . Of course as an American i was brought up to stand up for your rights so i to struggle with the patience and understanding issue .
As for plumbing problems we have had that also . One of the big problems we had moving into this area was finding someone you could trust to actually do the work in a manner acceptable . Seems everyone here is a " handyman " but that doesn't always translate to knowing what they are doing . 🙂
Just a sample of the many cultural differences i suppose and frankly i doubt we will see change in our lifetimes ( or mine anyway ) . Two expressions come to mind . "patience is a virtue and/or just grin and bear it ". 🙂
Nah, you should have told Fema to pack enough for 7 days away and then told her how clever she is dealing with her own people and to text you when the problem is fixed and you will be straight back. 🙂
You believe that ?, not a chance, you would be amazed how quickly the problem would be fixed, after all she would be worried what you might get up to, Filipina's have a vivid imagination. 🙂
hee hee Bob now that is really funny ..
" she may have never texted me to come back! "
Bob,
I feel your pain. I have had issues with the last two houses we rented. That is a big factor in deciding to buy a place and start building our own home. Our current landlord decided he wanted this house back in Dec 09. Then last week he decided he wants it back before next rent is due. I have been avoiding those contract rentals due to the extra headache they come with. Haha now I wish I had contracted the rent here. No matter though. It is his house after all…
Haven't been able to check out LiP in a while. Hope all is well with you and yours and we look forward to your trip to Feyma's fathers home land.
The poor sewage system there is no help at all or should I say lack of it. I still don't know the specifics of the (individual septic system) I don't know squat about plumbing. I'm not even sure how it's set up in our house in Angeles, or how often it should be maintained or cleaned out. Looks like I better find out before I have a big problem like you Bob. Fortunately the house is only 1 year old. Unfortunately many house built use cheap pvc pipes. many can't handle pressurized water from a pump or they just get brittle with time and break in the walls or underground.
I don't want to pay rent so I have a house that I can move into as soon as I retire from the navy. Come on 2012!! One thing you can count on there is you'll never see your deposit back if you rent.
Hi Bilal – I have lived in the Philippines for 9 years. I have rented the whole time. Let's see… I have lived in five different houses in that time. So far, I never lost my deposit, it has been returned to me each time. So, I don't really "count on" not seeing it again.
Well you have been lucky, I rented two places for my wife over 3 years before we were married and before we got our place, both places were turned back in in better shape then we got it in but still no deposit. Looks like you had better luck Bob.