Today we have a Guest article here on LiP.
If you intend to date someone from the Philippines, it is very important to know some aspects of the local culture that may either be deal-makers or deal-breakers for your date life. The good news though is that many Filipinas have married foreigners before so this is not something new. What is new though is that the modern Filipina may be more outspoken about what she wants, especially if she will be dating a foreigner.
If you want to date a Filipina, you have to go through the proper channels, especially if the Filipina you have your eye on comes from a conservative family. This means you may have to befriend her siblings, friends, cousins, parents and other members of the extended family first and gain their trust and approval. One reason for this is safety – because a foreigner who is able to get along face to face with all these people may be a safe husband for the Filipina you are courting (their daughter, relative and friend).
Dating a Filipina can be a rather long process because of this need to go through the right channels. A foreigner who seems to be in much of a hurry to get married will arouse suspicion because it does take time to get to know someone well enough to marry (in the Philippine context that is). If you want to marry a Filipina you have to show that you are willing to spend much time with all those people (and her of course) so that they will know what you are like in a casual environment.
Sincerity is a very important quality that is sought after in any suitor. So if you are the type to bring along gifts for her friends and family during visits, make sure that you really mean it when you give them gifts and that these are not just to give them a favorable opinion of you. The gifts themselves do not have to be very costly – some Filipino males may just pick up some takeout food from an eating place for the family when he comes to visit his Filipina girlfriend. This is considered a mark of a nice person because you are thinking of the welfare of the friends and family as well.
Dating can also be a long process because the family will want to know how well you can adjust to their values, beliefs and customs. For example, Filipino males are encouraged to bond through drinking sessions at home. So don’t be surprised if her male friends and relatives try to get you drunk during special occasions. You will be seen more favorably if you accept this custom (unless of course it goes against your own beliefs and values or even your religion).
Basically the dating process takes such a long time because the friends and family want to make sure you are a good match for the Filipina you are courting. So it pays to put your best foot forward and go through the right process so that you will be able to date the right eligible Filipina for you.
This article is presented by http://www.filipinalovelife.com. If you are looking for Filipina dating then be sure to visit Filipina Love Life and discover singles from cities all over the Philippines.
Bob, Just a little different than the way I treated/treat my daughters suitors. Once I released them from the basement, age 30 and gave them permission to go to the Pom, and get a drivers license, the boys came. I too look for sincerity as I clean my shot gun. It is good to know that your daughters date is a brave man (hardly trembles as I reassemble the weapon) and is punctual, he promises to get the girl home be fore midnight. LOL just kidding. Let them out of cellar @ 16 and never cleaned a weapon in front of boy friend, usually sat under weapon display though, they did get them home on time too.
Hi Gerald – This is a guest article that was submitted to me, but I think you have some really good thoughts there… thoughts that I think I will take into mind with my daughter!
any particular reason there is no names associated with this guest article? Thats a strange departure from your usual editorial process.
Just wondering.
Hi Joe – I don’t think it should really be a concern. It is a business decision, and is not an ongoing thing.
BTW, the name of the person who submitted the article is Dan. Not sure why that would help, but if it makes the article feel less “strange” I am happy for that.
Hi Bob
Glad you did not write this one. Its more advertising than anything else, nothing wrong with that but it gives a very false impression. Its so alien to everything I have experienced. You yourself have said that the Phils is like living in a candy store etc….Just feels like it was written by someone who has never been there…Its so traditional there and dating takes such a long time but better use an online dating site?
I look forward to tales of Pauls new old Honda and Sugars constant quest to find a descent Kano.
Yes, I found the article very traditional too. I do know, though, that it is accurate for some of the more Provincial or rural parts of the country. It reminded me a lot of how things were when I got married to Feyma back in 1990. 😉
Hi Corjo and Bob,
I agree that a Kano is like a kid in a candy store in the Philippines, but when a beautiful Filipina lands in the US the tables are turned and the shoe is on the other foot. It would have been very easy for my wife to find another man when I brought her here to the US on the fiance visa. I have heard of this happening to others.
Some of what the article talks about sounds similar to my experience. The difference being that I had little doubt that my future wife was going to agree to come to the US with me. I felt it was important to build a relationship with my future in-laws. I personally was looking for a lady with traditional values. I think some make the mistake of marrying a lady without values and end up regretting it later when as I say the shoe moves to the other foot.
I remember the drinking part of the article. I drank beer with some of my future wife’s male relatives and sang karaoke with them. At some point they gave me touba wine I took a sip and it tasted horrible to me. I was about to drink it anyway when my future wife told me I did not have to. She could tell I did not like it.
Hi Jay – I hear you, and I agree. Most any Filipina who immigrates to the USA would be highly sought after!
Hi, everyone!
My name is Paul, and I am a keen follower on Bob’s site, living in Japan with my filipina wife. I just thought, I’d like to write briefly about my experience meeting filipinas from an online-dating-site. With very little time available to take-off from work (long holidays away from the work place are frowned upon here in Japan) I had about roughly 10 days twice a year to fly out and meet my date, or should I say dates. These dating sites made it easy for me to meet a a variety of filipinas within the limited time I had available. I am grateful for these sites because without them, I doubt if I would ever found a loyal and passionate wife from the Philippines. I spent over four years searching, and yes, I met many, from all sorts of backgrounds and classes, even a few scammers, but luckily I was not caught out having done my research on the internet well! The conservative type, well I never met any of them in person except for online. Time was not on my side to follow the way that they wanted the date to proceed, especially the first date. Besides, I had others lined-up to meet as well. I simply told them that I was looking for a woman who is “independently minded, and could think for herself” and behold once said the communication soon broke down, so I simply move on – to the next! One important bit of advice is you must be in complete control of the dating scene. Where you meet, where you go, and whether they bring someone else along with them. If you don’t, you may be led up the garden path, or even to an early grave. Be prudent at all times, and those who happen to be contemplating the online dating scene I wish you well!
Thanks for sharing about your experience, Paul. I am glad to hear that you had a good experience. I believe there are good and bad dating sites. What it comes down to, though, is that a dating site can help you meet people, but it is up to you to take it from there.
Bob,
The only person I had to please and get permission from is Anne as she really doesn’t have any family here.
Hi PapaDuck- When I married Feyma, I had to ask her father’s permission, and he said no! But, some others in the family liked me, and they convinced him. Papa said that he liked me, but he just could not bear to see his daughter move abroad!
Hi Bob,
Do you happen to know any reliable and good Annulment Attorney’s in the Philippines preferably in the San Carlos City, or Bacolod area? Thanks……..
I am sorry, James, I don’t know of any.
If you really want to meet and date a Filipina, I think the best thing is to take a month or two off, and go to the Phils and meet girls in their natural “habitat”. A friend of mine has never been married to a pinay nor has he been there but he keeps telling me how much he would like to meet one for a serious relationship. I explained to him that on my last trip to the PI I spent 3 weeks in Makati with my wifes family. In my off time when I wasnt playing golf, I was usually playing poker at WOrld Resorts. The women that worked their were the most freindly and beautiful women one could ask for. While I didnt flirt or inquire with these women about their maritial state, I sure couldnt help but think that if I were single, I would definetly be trying to romance some of them. Unfortuantley I see way to many foreigners that think the best places to meet girls is Ermita, Burgos, or the old Mabini districts. I never understood that mentality.