Over my years of living in the Philippines, I have gotten more and more accustomed with, and comfortable with the culture of the Philippines. It took time, though, no doubt.
I have a rule, though, that I live by, and my family is aware of. Outside, on the streets or wherever, Filipino Culture is the rule. I try to act in a way, or behave in a way that is in line with cultural norms when I am out and about. Am I always successful in being in step with cultural guidelines here? No way. But, I do my best, and I get better all the time in maintaining that. My rule, though, is that inside my house, we live, or at least I live by American culture. Or, should I say, I live by Bob’s culture, which is a mixture of American and Filipino culture. I live in a way that I am comfortable living. I do not believe that there is anything wrong with that. If people come to my house, they are in the house of an American, somebody who is not Filipino, and thus, they should expect that it might be a little different here than if they went to Juan de la Cruz’s place.
Even given that rule, though, I believe that there are instances where I need to bend a little bit to make sure that my guests are treated in a way that they are comfortable in coming to my house, and are treated properly.
Recently, I heard about a situation with a friend of mine. He is a relatively short-term resident of the Philippines, and is still learning, so I will give him some leeway and not feel too critical of him. What happened was that my friend had a group of workers who came to his house to work on a project for him, some work that he really needed to have done. These workers worked late into the night, even up to Midnight or beyond. They were doing demanding manual labor for my friend. Late in the evening, the workers were hungry, and the maid prepared some food for them to eat, so that they could continue their work. My friend learned of this, and he got very angry. Why was he angry? He felt that he should not have to feed these workers. Also, some of the workers were assigned a task that they had not yet completed, even though they had worked very hard, and my friend was angry that they would expect to be fed even when they did not complete their work yet.
Whoa! Hold on…. Part of Filipino culture is that if you have a guest in your home (even a worker, or workers), you are expected to offer them food and/or drinks. That is just how it is. It comes with the territory. To be honest, if you have workers doing work for you, and you do not treat them well, then you should not expect that they will be happy working for you, and they may not do a good job if they are treated in a bad way like that.
Yes, back in the States, if somebody comes like the Cable man or the Telephone man, it is rare that you would offer him a sandwich or some chips or anything. I don’t think it would be out of line to offer him a glass of water or iced tea, though. He does not expect that he would be offered a meal. If he is there for many hours, he may take a lunch break and go for an hour to get his meal. Here, though, that is not how things work. If you are employing these people, you have a responsibility to feed them too. If you don’t, the workers will feel that you have mistreated them, or that you were not very nice or friendl
Do you remember shat “SIR” is? I have written a lot of articles about SIR. SIR stands for Smooth Interpersonal Relations, and it is the bedrock upon which Filipino culture rests. Offering a worker (or a guest) a snack, or a cup of coffee is just keeping things smooth. It is showing the Filipino people that you want to have a good relationship with them, not be adversarial. Living by the SIR culture will ensure you having a more enjoyable life, having friends, or people who will assist you when needed. Getting angry about having to feed the workers will only ensure that you will have trouble finding more workers in the future, and that these workers will not go home on friendly terms.
So, if you get into a situation where you have a visitor at your house, don’t forget to offer them a drink or some food. If they are hungry, it will cost you very little to feed them a snack, and it will also ensure that you will be more respected for living in a friendly and culturally accepted way. It will also ensure that you will have a lot of friends, and a more enjoyable life.
Yet another good article Bob.
I always say that everything comes full circle, only with more inertia by the time it returns.
I make it a point to be considerate (almost to a fault). So far in my 39 years, it has always worked out to my benefit. I always try to remember that whoever it is in whatever situation presents itself, they are more often than not people, good people and a little kindness will no doubt add to your good karma.
Wait, this was about culture wasn’t it? 🙂
It might have something to do with my upbringing in the south but I would like to think this type of behavior should be the norm regardless of ones culture.
Cheers,
Doug
Hi Kano Doug – Yes, I think that in any culture, one cannot go wrong by simply displaying a bit of human kindness. It may not always fit perfectly with the culture, but it certainly won’t get you in trouble either!
Hello Bob,
I have been speaking to a young lady from Iligan city for sometime and now i want to visit, she said she would be willing to come to manila to see me but i would like to see her hometown and her culture, would it be safe to travel to her hometown?
Hi matt – In my opinion, Iligan is quite safe. I have been there many times.
Hi Bob: I have found that the old axiom usually works ” when in Rome do as the Romans do”
and a little kindness, and compassion pays dividends.
nanghina-ut ko nga anaa-ka-sa-maayong-panglawas sa kanunay.
Hi Roberto – There is a reason why a saying like “When in Rome…” is so popular over so many years… because it works! 😉
Bob..great post and a little food or a lot..and some patience and kindess would have went a long ways for the person you talked about here.One never knows what a little understanding,patience,kindness could have done for this person in the long run.But, I am sure it would been much more benifical in so many good ways than the way he handled it.Maybe some day he will get it together and see the error in his thinking!
Thank you, Dan. I am debating if I should talk to my friend about this in a non-confrontational way, to try to help him understand the error of his way of handling this. I do hope that he comes to realize that he will do much better in the future by using honey instead of vinegar!
It’s not only common courtesy, it is expected that workers in your home will get fed … mirenda — snacks) morning and afternoon and more substantial food if they stay late.
I think this type of complaint is one of the most common I hear fellow Americans ranting about. Really can’t see it myself. I mean what are those guys supposed to do? Leave work and hike to a McDonald’s or something?
Nobody like to be cheated, me included, but many Americans need to examine their level of “thrift consciousness” … some of you … yes, you know who you are … have become absolutely embarrassing in your obsession with cheapness.
Now is the time for some economic expert to jump n with the obligatory “If you pay “them”; more then prices will go up and ruin things for “us”. You’re entitled to your opinion.
I am entitled likewise to disregard it and to treat people who do things for me decently.
And yes, sometimes the plumber borrows my pipe wrench, and in the top drawer of my tool box, where the electrician always borrows a screwdriver, I also keep a roll of electrical tape, becuase he’s always out of stock on tape. Welcome to the Philippines folks.
Hi Dave – I agree fully. I don’t have a problem with people wanting to live cheaply, but there are just some things you should not “cheap out” on, and treating people with respect is one of them.
It’s normal for workers to borrow my tools, when I have something that they need to do their job for me. I have no problem with that. Typically I will offer up front. Such little things are often reflected in a much lower bill, Pinoy price not foreigner-price, depending on the character of the contractor.
I have however learned to ask them nicely to please return them when finished so that the tools will be available next time needed.
On the topic of food and drink, I had one mechanic come to our house to get the 4x working. It turned out to be an all-afternoon job till past sundown. After dark, we had a great chat over some polutan and my gallon of tuba. A few times thereafter when he came by for something taking only an hour or two to fix, or if I stopped by his shop for something minor, his answer when I tried to pay was often “wag na, bukas na lang” (meaning: no charge).
You can’t expect that, but it does sometimes happen, and when it happens more than a few times it’s a good idea to still insist on putting a little money in his hand so that he can buy merienda or a long-neck. What goes around comes around.
Sounds like you and I think a lot alike, Ed!
Hi Bob;
As you know by now with all the workers that come to my house for my wife’s different projects. Your article was a great demonstration of common sense, plus culture. To not feed your workers is nothing short of rude. Since I have the Man Cave in back, we set it up with tables and chairs, so our workers may eat in comfort and then relax during their lunch time. I ensure that ice water is available all day. It might be culture to do it, but it is also the right thing to do. Yes, talk with your friend; you’ll make his future projects go much smoother.
Hi Paul – Thanks for the pointer that I should talk to my friend. I believe I will do that, as I think it will only help him.
Hey Bob – When you go talk to your friend, see if he offers you food and drink. Look as if you’re anticipating something. If no “hospitality” is shown, and he sees your anticipation and asks you what’s wrong, ask where’s your snack.
Seems like a good “hook” to get the conversation going. 😆
Hi Paul – One sad thing about this, which I did not mention, is that this friend is a very generous person with both Feyma and I. He always shares anything he has with us, and offers us food and drinks all the time, even very expensive meals. The fact that he doesn’t want to share even cheap food with his workers makes me wonder why it is different for us. The thought that comes to mind is that it is a racial thing (although Feyma is Filipina), or somehow he considers us “better” than “those workers”, if you know what I mean.
Then, better yet, show up with some street urchins. If Filipinas/Filipinos who accompany you get better treatment, at least the “urchins” will have a meal!
I’m afraid that if and when it comes to racism, all of our best intentions will never change it or rid the world of it. One of the things that can be done to combat it is to take advantage of it. Stick someone afflicted with racism into a situation where it would be totally embarrassing for him/her to “display his/her colors”! There’s no one who squirms better and more than a racist who’s forced by circumstance to hide their affliction!
😉
Hi Paul – Ha ha… that would be something! 😉
Hi bob,
Why not try the “show and do” thing? invite your friend and some “workers” to your house and offer them both to have a snack with same food!
You know? train the “monkey”?
Hi dans – funny thing is that he has been to my house many times and seen how the workers here are treated…. I suppose more training is needed!
My guess is that you are friends – hence get food and drink – while the workers are workers and get nothing (as in America). so probably not racial. Interesting to find out if he has Filipino friends and if, with them, he serves food and drinks.
I think that is a good point, Don.
Hi Bob, I guess being married to a Filipino I’ve had an advantage that I was taught the way these things are often done culturally, from a Filipino’s point of view. When we had our house built, any projects worked on, and now our resthouse built, our workers are always treated fairly. Snacks and cold water or coke twice a day, midmorning and midafternoon. A sack of rice is provided and they prepare their own lunch. Every friday evening, payday, my husband buys two cases of SMB and everybody relaxes and has a good time.
This way keeps morale and productivity high, and workers make a real effort to please us in return with high quality work. My husband’s first cousin is the foreman, and keeps everything running smoothly. A few years ago to show our appreciation on the great job great job he had done supervising and working on our house , and as he is also a fisherman as well as a carpenter, as an extra bonus we took him to the city and let him pick out an expensive high quality fishnet, that he can use to feed his large family.
Manual labor out in the tropical heat is tough, and work goes on six days a week. Common sense and dignity says you have to look out for your people. If you don’t, don’t expect loyalty and quality work in return…
Hi Queenie – Of course, Feyma is Filipino too! 😉 Ha ha… so she has also taught me how things should be done. What you say about the rice, SMB, water and such just makes good common sense, and it makes your workers happy to work for you! I am kind of surprised, you picked up on something that I did not say in the article, at least it seems that you picked up on it. This guy is single and does not have a Filipino partner to guide him.
That ‘s probably true in his case Bob. Of course I didn’t mean to say that Filipina wives wouldn’t know cultural things, but especially with men dealing with other men in a work situation being a Filipino male helps my husband relate more closely I guess.
As you said, we all have to learn how things are done culturally to get along.
Hi queenie – your response raised a thought in my mind (that’s something that I would actually think!). Here in the Philippines, there are so many jobs that are single-sex only. Construction workers, taxi drivers and such are always men. I don’t recall seeing a cashier who is not a woman. Given that back in the states, all jobs are open to either sex these days, how does it make you feel the way it is here? I’m curious. For me, it doesn’t bother me. Kind of brings me back to old times, the US used to be like that too.
Intertesting comment about job segregation by sex. BUT also note that the Philippines is one of only four countries with more female college/university graduates than male and the higher you go in the educational hierarchy, the greater percentage of women. Also, greater percentage of women in politics at all levels, greater percentage in managerial jobs, greater percentage of MBA and law students and greater percentage of presidents (cory and GMA, plus Mrs Marcos was as powerful as her hubband). Very strange: a Catholic country, but female dominated. As one USAID report stated (many years ago), the huband may be president of the company, but he is out on the golf course with his three president buddies while his wife and her sisters run the company. To see this in statistics, see the 2009 Human Development Report (from the United Nations Development Program): On most measures of female empowerment the Philippines is significantly ahead of the US.
Hi ProfDon – Interesting points, and very true in my experience. Well, the Philippines has had two female Presidents already.
Just lurking here.. but I feel that in countries where gender roles are strongly defined, ie the Philippines, there seems to be less of a barrier to women achieving positions of power. Maybe because people don’t feel as threatened because women still have ‘their place’ as determined by the culture.
hi bob – I know it’s kinda late to reply to this topic, I just wanted to make some point, any kind of job is open for both gender, however, it is the person who is actually chooses not to do the job. i.e. being a taxi driver or working in a construction – most taxi driver are males because females don’t want to do the job it is either they are worried of their own safety or they simply do not want to be a driver or perhaps filipinas are inherently “conservative” and driving a taxi or working on a construction for them is kinda “un-filipina”, however, I’ve seen female taxi drivers in manila, the chance of seeing a female doing a male job or vice versa is more prevalent in NCR than in any provinces.
Hi Dans – When I tell my kids about how women do things like construction work in the States, they will hardly believe what I am telling them! 😆
hi bob – I would probably will have the same amazement seeing women working at a construction yard in the states, let’s not forget construction work in the states is very different from the philippines, in the states almost everything is done by machines and can be operated easily by women while in the philippines it is done manually – i.e. mixing concrete. the work really need a muscle.
Not necessarily, dans. There are no machines to carry lumber or do the nailing and such, and women do all of that!
Hello QueenieBee, I enjoy all the comments but can’t resist putting my own when I read your comment. I grew up with workers around, from our house to the “many projects” of my Lola. My father even “imported” workers from his barrio so these guys had to stay with us Mon-Fri. You can’t help but develop some familiarity w/ them. Anyway, there’s a saying in Filipino that says a house built by starving workers is probably not a durable house.
When I came here in the states, I prepare ice cream, doughnuts, coffee, pancit to cable guys, telephone technicians, etc. I was thinking Filipino and would appreciate some company as well.
Hi Roy, That makes perfect sense to me too. In the States if a worker does some work in our apartment, we always provide snacks and coffee and such, just as a common courtesy.
Hi Roy, Like your Lola and father, when our house was being built there were workers here all day long. Most were from nearby, so they could walk home for lunch. Others, depending on how near or far away they came from, would mostly be given lunch. My husband’s cousin would often take co-workers home for lunch too as he lives nearby. Snacks might include bananaques or comoteques (with juice or coke) from a neighborhood gal who cooks them from her tindahan across the street in the afternoon. Also breads and pastries with juice. My mother-in law is notoriously cheap though, and when I was alone one day she saw me making a stack of peanut butter sandwiches by myself for the workers’ snack and she just shook her head…
Our resthouse being built now, is on the coastline in a neighboring town, and that is why workers prepare their own lunch, because we’re not always there. Next door there is a store keeper that provides snacks and drinks and we pay him. Some guys sleep there at night to keep an eye on tools and things…
Also as a courtesy, when the house is finished we’re going to build a small payag out of bamboo on our land for the fisherman to rest, and allow them to still fish from our coast.
I like that saying, roy…. a house built by starving workers…. very fitting!
Yeah Bob–the thought didn’t really come to my mind, but it’s true that many jobs are still very gender specific in the Philippines… Sort of like how the fifties’ were in the States!
How do you feel about it, though, queenie? Do you feel it is sexist, or just accept it as the way things are here? I’m curious how an American woman would view that.
Hi Bob, It doesn’t bother me– it’s just the way it is right now, and I accept that. There are exceptions every so often that I observe. One of the owners of one of the nurseries that I frequent is a young woman, and although she has a crew of men that work for her, she can mix it up with them when she chooses to. Funny thing though, when she comes by to deliver some trees or plants that I’ve bought, she always brings me a bunch of sweet bananas or some sweet snack. Those usually in turn get handed out to our workers when she leaves!
In Cebu city I see a lot more women police now. In recent years when visiting Manila I see many Metro Manila Aids who are women, out sweeping and collecting trash along with their male co-workers. The Philippines hasn’t had a problem electing a female president in the past…
Hi queeniebee – I believe that we should all have equal rights and such… but the way things are here seems to work OK, and I don’t hear people complaining about it. I’m fine with the way it is.
Haha I panicked when I got into a taxi driven by a female.
Ha ha…. I can imagine, roy!
Please see my comment above regarding gender issues in the Philippines. You are incorrect. Here women have MUCH more power than women in the US in politics (Hilary notwithstanding to the contrary), business, in education, and in the home.
Bob: It is just common courtesy to offer workers something… If nothing else at least something to drink while working in the heat. I also tend to tip the grunt workers a little extra since they do the real work, rather than the managers in the office. What’s an extra 20 or 50 pesos if someone did a good job?
Absolutely, John, I do the same on the tipping myself. It’s not like I’ll miss P50, and it can make a big difference for them if a lot of their customers tip them.
Hello Bob,
Very interesting article that hit home with me again.
Everything you talked about is the way we use to be in the U.S. or the way it was in my family 56 years ago and beyond living in a farming community here in my culture in central Texas. My dad, grandpa, uncles, cousins, and everyone one not think of hiring someone to do farm labor without a good meal at lunch time and sometimes breakfast. Going to the farm house at lunch time and getting home cooked meals raised from home ,everything from scratch .Homemade was part of the enjoyment to look forward to going to work. Cool water from the windmill was always provided and a big treat for me was a small bottle of cold Coca Cola at three or four o’clock in the afternoon. And if there is not a way to feed your hired hands at your home you take them to the local cafe at lunch time and buy their meals. And as far as I know most ranchers in my community would still do this.
I use to hear old men and women say that they were from the old school and they had to do and say and believe this or that way . Well I guess I’m am that way now and I see and understand more as I’ve gotten older. So what I believe it boils down to is that people here in the U.S., but not all of them ,are too spoiled and never taught how to appreciate people that are working for you. They need go back and look at their fore fathers and their cultures to know how to get the quality and dependability and future work for when you need them.
There are so many things that impress me about the Philippines and your article on this one and in the past on Sir ,that I can understand and wish more people here were that way today like the Ph. is now.
The Ph. people still have this culture and that is a good thing and this tells me that they still love and appreciate people and people who work for them. I wish I could be there now, but I can’t yet.
Thank you and God Bless the Philippines
Dale
Hi Dale – I can remember, when I was a kid, we never lived on a farm, but there were times when I got jobs on farms. I particularly remember when it was time to cut and bale the hay, I would work for the farmers. We were always fed a good meal, as you say, and there was never a shortage of cold drink to keep us fresh and working hard. It saddens me that my friend would be mad that his workers were fed, because that is just the right thing to do.
Hauling hay is very hard work especially if you’re having to throw every bail on the bed of a truck or pickup truck without a hay loader and then having to stack them in the barn. Oh yeah, been there done that!
Your friend was probally raised in an inviroment that never did that things like that and he was never treated that way and just never knew any better. (to give him the benefit of the doubt)
Hi Dale – You sure are right on that, my friend… hauling hay is back breaking work, and out in the hot sun! I’m glad those days are behind me! 😉
Hi Bob
When I bought my condo and was having some renovations done to it, the condo developer had their handyman do the repairs, I always offered him food. He would never accept, possibly it was a rule by the company not to accept food. My wife worked in Korea and UAE and when she got to the states and taking the bus the first time here we had a female bus driver and she said to me I’ve never seen a female bus driver and I had no idea you could be one here in the states. I think these cultural differences really make it much more interesting.
Hi Neil – I expect that in a place like a condo they probably have full time staff who work for the condo and are not allowed to accept such gratuities. It’s a little different situation there, I suppose.
Hi Bob- When I first had some work done in R.P, my wife explained how it works with the workers and the meals, which I thought was a nice touch. With the workers was a young lad, maybee 12-13 years old helping the guys do their work (labourer),. My wife asked” why the kid wasnt in school this day?” to which one of the guys replied ” Oh he is already graduated”, to which they all had a good chuckle. A fact of life in the Philippines, which makes you want to give them a little bit more.
Hi Anthony – Ha ha… that kid may have already graduated college, my friend! 😉
Bob Australia used to be the same as what Dale describes in the US. My mother would have found nothing at all unusual about offering a tradesman a cup of tea or a meal in the 1950s. Life was a lot slower then; the clock didn’t rule our lives in those days like it does now in the West. Of course things are a lot more efficient now too in Australia – it’s all a matter of the values a society prefers. We’re here, which I guess means we’ve answered the question in a way that suits us.
Hi Ken – Within our lifetimes, the world has changed an awful lot, don’t you think?
Bob
Great article.
I think it is not really a culture thing its just a matter of being considerate and a decent person.
Im sure with your SIR skills you could offer some advice to this Guy. It would probably serve him well if he wants to really fit in in the RP.
I feel your pain on the hay bailing work, did that on a farm when I was about 15.
It had its perks though, the farmer let me hunt deer on his property in the winter.
Thanks, Neal. I agree, just be considerate of others and you will probably be in good shape. That’s a good rule to live by!
Hi Bob,
Great article on common sense and how to treat your fellow man.
That reminds me of that little rule. Treat others the way you would want to be treated.
Oh yea my wife has me trained well I even offer the garbage man a cold bottle of water if I’m out their. 🙂
Hi Michels – Ha ha… the golden rule is a good one to live by!
Bob, you hung your article around a no brainer: food and drink for workers on the job. But what about trying some harder issues: blaring stereo or karaoke into the late hours or just noise in general (you had a problem with this one last month), pushing ahead in lines or ignoring them completely, ignoring all traffic regulations, and so on. As one long thread in the Forum discussed a while back, what about the lack of Thank you, please, excuse me, sorry, I made a mistake, and so on (except as drilled into employees to say “Thank you, come again” in such stores as 7-11)? I had to go to driving seminar (long story) several years ago.
At the end I asked the senior sargent who lectured, What to you do at a cross walk when you are driving: obey the traffic regulations and stop (and have cars pass you on the right and left and kill the people in the crosswalk who see you stopped and walk but cannot see the other passing vehicles on the sides of your car) or do what the Filipinos do – blast through? He answered: you are from another unvierse.
Hi ProfDon – I write on lots of subjects, and have written on the subjects that you mention in the past too. I choose what I will write about based on experiences in my day to day life.
“inside my house … I live by Bob’s culture”
Bob, those of us married to Filipinas know you meant to say “Feyma’s culture” since our sweet little angels certainly know how to get their way and make us think it was our idea all along. 🙂
No, we are both wrong. Feyma and I have an equal say. We both live by Bob & Feyma’s culture.
Hi Bob
Cups of tea etc are still very much the norm here in Yorkshire. Neighbours also do it for your workers if you are not there to ‘slake their thirst’. It’s just second nature to most of us. But I have noticed that its dying out in other parts of the country.
Its true though – if you look after the workers they look after you.
Another thought provoking article though
Marjorie
Thank you, Marjorie.
Atta Boy Bob , That’s the way to do it .feed them and feed them good …snacks and everything ..when we have worker come to my place and work we feed them good ..and when everybody is gone ( wife an househelper) “for some weird reason,then I do the cooking for them ” a big pot of rice is the norm then i cook up some chicken and pork with gravy,bread , drinks and ice cream ….usually there is nothing left when we are done eating, Yea I set there and eat with them too …Oh and 2 BIG bottles of tanduay after work .It is to bad some people don’t think that way .Oh and sometimes they stay at the house for the week so I have 3 meals and snacks a day to provide all week and a place to sleep 🙂 …….Phil n Jess
Hi Phil – Ha ha… what you describe is just like at our house too, right down to the tanduay! And, the guys go out of their way to get the work done, and they do it right, because they appreciate how they are treated!
Maybe I should come down an work for you hee hee ..I love barbecue buffalo wings ..Opps maybe caribou wings here ..Phil n Jess
Ha ha… I didn’t know that Carabao could fly! 😉
do under them as u would have them do under u mate if u tret them bad thay will do the same to u god bless u….
That’s a good rule to live by, peterjoy!
Bob,
Great article.
Jho and I bought furniture for our new home here in the USA. I wasn’t home when the furniture was delivered but I told her to tip the delivery guys. She told me afterwards that she gave each of them a coke also. The delivery men were surprised at her hospitality. Being polite like that isn’t seen very much here.
Sorry for the late comment.
No problem on the timing of the comment, Jack… you can comment any time! Thanks for that too, I enjoyed it.
As a kid I’ve always wondered what made us Filipinos tick. There’s a certain… ‘something’ when it comes to interpersonal relationships that is just different. I attributed it once to the importance given to close family ties, now I realize that’s just one facet of what you call ‘SIR’. It really extends to everything – a sort of network building aimed at harmonizing all personal interactions. From how you treat a cousin a year older than you (‘kuya’) to how you treat the women behind the counter of the restaurant you always eat lunch at (‘suki’).
And it has a bad side as well though – nepotism. The fascinating thing about it is that it is all regulated by a very strange concept for foreigners – ‘hiya’ (or as we Bisaya call it ‘ulaw’). The importance given to the approval/disapproval of your peers. You can do something rude to someone and most of the times they won’t even challenge you about it, preferring to remain superficially genial, but the collective opinion of you goes down severely. The closest thing to it would be the US ‘southern hospitality’ and ‘small town’ interactions.
But yeah, back to the article, I am quite puzzled why he got mad at that, LOL. I would have considered his anger at that gesture to be very very rude indeed. I guess I’ve taken that tradition for granted. Especially those only hired temporarily. It’s weird when I think about it, because we don’t offer them just any kind of food, we offer them the same food that we offer to actual GUESTS, not workers. e.g. When dad hired two mechanics to help fix our (aging, haha) family car, at lunch time mom specifically cooked adobo for them. She even warned us that the food were for the workers not for us, so we better not touch it! (our lunch that day was the usual corned beef out of the can, haha)
It’s always done and it’s the DEFAULT EXPECTATION that meals for workers are always the responsibility of the employer. If the workers work from 1PM to 5PM, there’s merienda at 3PM (orange juice and sandwiches). If they work from 7AM to 9AM, there’s breakfast offered (coffee and pan de sal). Every once in a while, there’s ‘inuman’ as well.
Heck, even in informal volunteer work (i.e. passers by helps you out on something, like changing a tire), you ALWAYS offer them something to eat. Doesn’t matter if it was a big-shot Doctor or a street urchin. This is especially an important custom for women (wives/daughters of the employer) who after all represents the ‘home’ in Filipino culture.
Thing is, we only do it for people we do not regularly interact with or is not accepted as part of our adopted ‘core group’ (i.e. the family, in most cases). In contrast to how we treat long-term employees (like maids). They are considered part of the family/group and thus not offered ‘guest’ food every time, heh. It’s all part of the system of being as hospitable as possible to avoid potential friction between two ‘groups’. Something about always insuring you give the best impression possible to people you do not know, just in case. And it’s not one-sided, the people on the receiving end are expected to reciprocate if given the chance. Even just an offer to reciprocate is good enough. This is tied as well to the custom of always offering to share food if you are eating and someone else arrives who is not (‘Kain tayo?’/’Bay, kaon ta?’ – ‘Friend, let’s eat?’), though paradoxically, the proper response is to NOT accept the invitation, hehe.
In fact, if you visit a home and the host does not go head over heels catering to your every need and just tells you to help yourself whenever wherever, that is actually a very good thing. It means you are now accepted as part of his closest network of kin and friends and he’s comfortable to wait for you to ask for it, rather than expect him to offer food first.
Just think of it as the same thing as the custom of tipping in the US but far more direct. Tipping, however is something that we can never be comfortable with… It’s only really acceptable if you are the one actually handing it to the person you appreciate the work of (rather than just leaving it on the table). Even then, it’s viewed as somewhat ‘artificial’ compared to actually returning the favor someday (which is a given in the concept of ‘utang na loob’) or offering them food/hospitality.
And yeah, as far as sexism goes, look beyond what you see and you’ll realize that Filipino society is actually structured around women. Men are basically just ‘figureheads’, hehe. 😛 Women can be anything they want if they want (I’ve seen women Jeepney conductors here, haha), they might get a few stares but they are not prevented from doing so (i.e. no intentional blocking of advancement and whatnot, except perhaps in the Philippine police force/Military, which kind of copies the US in only having males in the highest positions, heh).
I didn’t even know that was specifically a Filipino custom! I live in the U.S. and it blows my mind that someone wouldn’t give workers at least some refreshments or light snacks.
I agree Christy, feeding a worker, offering a drink, should just be a normal way of doing things.
again i say “Philippines is a house of 701, 107 with lots of dialects and ethnic groups, that is another factor. I can say, pardon but your friends are victims of individual who has high egocentric and a feeling of bitterness towards american, sorry for my blatant word. but this crawls from the past. you should engage yourself as well with different ethnic group here in the Philippines, you might observe and notice differences.
When we built our house in the Philippines way back in 1990, we made sure that the workers were fed & watered. Nothing to do with culture – it just seemed the right thing to do. After all, they weren’t earning much & were labouring in the heat for 10-12 hours a day. Mind you, I was not impressed when some of them helped themselves to my bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label one day when I was out.
Tisk~tisk! “food for thought” as always a great read,, haven’t been here to much lately due to not finding time & other excuses? Here in U.S. I do feed the cable guy and crew ~ just makes it all go better when your enrolling people that are being of service,,, they tend to include some extra in return.
Now, being that is in P.I. I believe that if have not yet been a risk but showing your bud the light it is overdue for him to think about where he is? When I was there 2 weeks ago of my stay of 7 weeks I pumped water, shopped and cooked, I clear dishes, Hell…while on the beach taking a break I dragged in the fish nets with strangers and feed them chips~ just for their smiles and reactions.
Here I even go out of my way doing what’s right & your friend not understanding that rocks are hard & water’s wet may come back to bite him badly! He is (embarrassing & disrespectful) to his family clan as he is also showing that perhaps this is the norm of foreigners to be rude and discourteous?
I know your friend is good & as stated “do in Rome” works well! Why it works @ casa da Roberto is that your eyes and heart a clear to what blessings we have and just imagine any of us trying to do what incredible intense insane measures of strength this good people have & not complain? HA~ good luck there! Even without pay I see them wave transportation by where the road has been trenched while the road fires warn of construction being done. There is a reason why perhaps I don’t invite too many people over there with me beside loving all the attention for myself ( chucking) I just don’t want anything to go disrespectful cause I am in love with Pinoy culture. I am certain that if he wishes to reside there he should get some real culture shock or enlightenment I pray? Be well Sir, God bless you, Fema & family