Over the years since we actually started our business in late 1992 I have seen many people passing through our doors, bar, restaurant and pool. Most have been the kind of people who are totally normal, the kind that have enjoyed what they did during their visit and departed quite happily but then there are some who really stand out in your memory, not particularly because of bad things but lets say that they did things which are not really what you can call normal especially within a relationship.
Many people have come to Gen San in order to meet their future brides, many have been e mailing and chatting for quite some time, arrive here and decide that the girl in question is who they want to spend their life with so they prepare to get married, some even marry at Cambridge Farm.
A main thing that I notice a lot with couples, married or not is that the man does not want his wife or Girlfriend to be away from him at all, whatever he is doing, however boring it may seem to his wife, she has to be there with him. I can fully understand when the man needs her language skills but when he is boozing with his mates he should give the girl a break and leave her alone or let her go outwith her friends.
There are some girls who are the opposite and want to be with the man constantly but I notice that usually in these situations the reason she wants to be with him is because she does not trust the man to be out on his own especially with lots of other girls around.
I know of several married foreigners here who are not taking the marriage very seriously and some, even on the wedding night have been unfaithful to their new brides and continue to do so during their usually short periods of married life. The unfortunate part of such relationships is when children come along, they are usually the ones to suffer from such poor marriages.
There are people who have children but do not let them have a key to the house, they usually have a key to the garden gate but not to the house. I have asked about such situations and have been told that they cannot be trusted in the house on their own! When the kids in question are in their teens, I think that the situation is a bit weird especially when the kids do not have a bad record of any sort.
On more than one occasion I have had guests at the bar complaining about wasting time paying bills and how slow everything is locally. I tell them that I do not pay the bills, my wife sorts that out. The standard answer from the man is that his wife is too stupid to manage to do such thing, unfortunately the wife is usually sitting next to him as the insults fly.
Many Northern European Men can only be called arrogant as they always say that nothing is good in the Philippines and the people are all useless. These men usually tell stories of their high class business in their own country and how they make fortunes from them but live pretty poor existences here. Their Wives and Girlfriends are the ones that I feel sorry for as they have to listen to the BS all the time. The men even talk openly about their sexual exploits before they got married even with their girls in the same company. Many such men I have advised to go back to where they came from if life is so poor here. (Usually in a more assertive tone).
Some men living here are wife beaters and bullies, if the wife complains about the man coming home drunk in the early hours of the morning after being with another woman, waking up the kids and demanding food. Sometimes, on the next day, some poor wives have been seen with the same kinds of bruising and other injuries which happened in similar household “accidents”. One cowardly guy, after his wife had been seen after having the same type of accident several times and had the same kind of cuts and bruises in the very same places, was arrested and put in jail for a few days. This guy has been Sent to Coventry (not to be spoken too) by the more decent people in the city, only the men of similar stature now hang with him.
There is one man here who has been in Gen San for about 25 years but he has really gone over the top in every way. He was married with a couple of kids, he was lucky as he was an only child so his mum bought him a house, vehicle, farm land and sends him money even to this day but unfortunately over the years of idleness he has got as low as possible. He just used to drink beer which was OK then one day he asked me if he could smoke something different in my bar. I told him that he could as long as he did not mind me calling the police and having him arrested for smoking the stuff. He was always going out with a bit under aged girls and in the end his wife left him. He goes to jail regularly for drug offenses and even his passport is years out of date but his Mum keeps sending him money to pay his way out of trouble. This guy will be found dead one day i am sure. He had a very easy life with money every month and a devoted mother who would send him any amount of money that he asked for. He had a nice wife and kids but for some strange reason known only too himself decide to go the The Dark Side. That’s his own choice.
There are people who will not allow rice or dried fish to be cooked even outside the house in the dirty kitchen, they say that the wives will not improve if they keep on eating such rubbish. Non of these relationships last as you cannot dictate what food a person will eat or not eat especially in their own country. When these couples go shopping you see the man buying all the imported stuff for him and the wife really has no much choice during the purchase. In some situations the wife sneaks out to eat with friends or relatives as she cannot eat what she wants at home. Many such ladies have been spirited away by my wife to our kitchen so that they can pig out on their favorite dishes while I keep the man talking in the bar.
There are some girls who are worse than the men at times, they are usually too loud and argue with their man in public which really is a no no here as it shows great disrespect. These girls are the type who will really go out of their way to let everyone know that they are married to a foreigner and if they have been abroad then they can really be a pain in the you know where as they always come out with statements such as: In the US its not like this or I would not except such poor service in the US.
Some girls always have new clothing, new cars, cell phones, MP3 players and anything else that they want and usually treat the man like dirt in public especially if the man is a lot older than her. Some just spend and spend never asking permission or if there is money to pay for their excesses and they do not care either, they have got their man.
Some men will do anything for their wife and treat them like royalty but unfortunately its this kind of man who really gets trod on by the girl. Many girls cannot see when they are really well off.
Some foreign men live with Lady Boys who dress and act just like women but unfortunately you can tell from a distance that they are not as they appear to be. I must say that its totally up to the individuals on their choice of partner he makes but in all such relationships of this kind that I have seen, the man is always very jealous indeed about who his partner even looks at or speaks too.
Many foreigners complain about the relations going to the house and getting fed and being given drinks. This is a tradition over here, even if you go to the poorest house you will be fed as best they can but many people do not look into local culture, they just think of how it is where they came from and abuse the family members behind their backs and call them parasites and scroungers etc. These guys do not complain when they visit a relation and get well fed and watered.
I could keep going on this subject a lot longer but I will stop there. Having lived in a hotel for so many years i get to see all sections of society be it good or bad and over the years I have learned to keep most of my thoughts to myself. With Gen San being such a small place really, it makes me wonder about the intrigues that go on in the big Cities Like Cebu and Manila where there are huge populations of Foreigners, that could be very interesting indeed.
I have a very happy life here as have a lot of people. In many cases I cannot really understand why couples act so badly towards each other but it does happen and from what I have seen its usually the fault of the man but, in a few cases its totally the fault of the girl. Lets face it, its not only here in the Philippines that relationships are strange, it happens all over the world. It would be more interesting if divorce was allowed over here, I am sure that the courts would be full of people trying to break free from a bad marriages.
Chris Dearne, aka "GenSan Chris" is a long term resident of the Philippines. Chris has been living in General Santos City since 1992! Chris owned a hotel in General Santos called Cambridge Farm Hotel, and now also Agatha's Dive Center, formerly Tuna City Scuba Center. Chris' interests include Scuba Diving, Instructing, and Formula 1 Racing.
GS Chris- I think when men are at home and their friends and family are around they act one way, and when they are somewhere that no one really knows them- for SOME of them the “darkside” comes out- because they feel that they really dont have any accountability anymore.
As for SOME of the women- it seems that once they ” have my foreigner” they also feel that they are better than their peers and also have no accountability.
Hi Ian,
I fully agree with you on both points, some really go wild.
Hi chris i skimmed through your article and a couple of things came to my mind ,one was when i visited my wifes aunty we had to go shopping and give gifts ect which at the time i thought was rather rude not understanding the culture there food and clothes and taking them all to lunch i mean in the big picture it cost nothing but it was a bit of a shock coming from the west ,now i am a bit mor ofey with cultural things and now it wouldnt bother me at all ,the other thing was we went to jolly b for lunch one day anyhow there was this young lady with a very short skirt on in front of us and legs you would kill for and a figure oh my goodness very hard not to get caught looking at by soon to be wife ouch! anyway with one short turn all your dreams dissapear as what you thought was a lovely young woman turns around and has a moustache as thick as mine ,to be honest my wife couldnt stop laughing at me, never in my wildest dreams did i think it was a male from the back ,ahh we can all dream hahahaha
chris
Chis: Ha, ha, ha. You’re too funny. I can’t resist.
Hi Roselyn,
Glad to keep you laughing!
Ya! That makes one feel kinda funny for sure when you are looking at the back side of a person and the thought runs thru your mind “wow! what a nice hot woman this is and then when you see the front side you see its not a woman..Its a man!!..It makes one want to make sure they have the right glasses on in the future…
Hi Dan,
You can hardly tell the difference at times.
Hi Chris,
Gifts are the usual from Anyone visiting from overseas. I am sure that your wife got a good laugh seeing you eyeing up a bearded lady of whatever! I am sure it happens to us all.
Hey Chris. Thats really hillarious. I would have paid to see the look on your face. But really a lot of those ladyboys look like beautiful woman. keep up the good work
Hi Chris – I had to laugh at the Andy Capp cartoon. It’s a long time since I’ve seen him in the paper. I don’t know if its just being here in the Philippines but the kind of behaviour that you have described in your article is not common in say the UK, well not in the company we kept.
Since living here full time I have met people who I would not pass the time of day with back home. I have also met some really nice people as well and there are others that I have not made up my mind about yet. What I have found out in my own little Brit community here is by enlarge the wives are responsible and the husbands respectful at least whilst in company.
It is an enlightening experiance living amoungst ex-pats of all nationalities and their wives and partners in the tropics and that is a fact.
Kind regards.
Jim.
Hi Jim,
Some people act totally different when they are overhere. I have to listen to so much rubbish coming from their mouths that on occasion i make an excuse that I have an early dive the next day and go to bed and leave them to the wife!
GS Chris;
It’s a stange world out there and relationships are getting even stranger. My Wife and I have
been married for 32 yrs now and to this day I tell her I Love being married to her. I know that
sounds mushy, but it’s important to let them know that. We’ve been through or ups and downs and knock out drag out fights like any other marrage. But you RESPECT each other
and work through the situation. I really don’t under stand how a westerner can go to the Philippines marry or live with a Filipina than treat them like dirt. If she or he is suppose to be your partner in life than you go out and break your wedding vows, beat and hold total control over them than they don’t need to be married they need to have dog not a wife. It also tells me alot about the man himself
1. He’s a control freck and will even use physical force to control the situation.
2. He probably could never get a woman in his home country because they would not put up
with that treatment and would take him to the bank.
3. Over in the Philippines there is no divorce and men are not charged with adultry so they
probably feel that they have a free ticket to let loose their Libido with out concern on who
they hurt. Bragging rights with the boys.
As far as the Filipina women who do this It’s all about the money and status they are no more than high dollar prostitutes.
I could never treat my wive like that she’s a wonderful and intelligent woman and most of all my better half. And if I did stray to the dark side I BE DEAD! I Old School and love it Morals and Values Baby.
Hi Bruce,
I can only agree with you on all points. i have been married now for 28 years and to see what I think about my wife, read my next article!
Bruce. Amen brother. you are so right. I wish more men had the same attitude as you. good luck, and congrats on 32 wonderful years of marriage.
Hi Chris,
Wow you are asking for it! The old men will undoubtedly try to convince you that they are the best thing that could have happened to their child bride. If it wasn’t for their generousity the wife’s family wouldn’t have the new tricycle or countless college degrees. Sadly these guys confuse financial support with emotional support. I hope to stop by and meet you as soon as my construction project is finished.
Hi Tom,
I have actually met men well into their 60’s and above who truly believe that the local girls actually like them because they are handsom! Eye Glasses Required in most cases.
I am so happy with Meriam! Our world view is very much the same. We talk. Plus she makes me laugh. Mis-treat her? Not me, she is a treasure.
Plus I like it here in Mindanao.
Cheers,
Gary
Hi Gary,
Well said mate, its a great life if you get the right partner!
Chris..Great post here..this one should be a dandy for sure on all the different comments that are comming soon…the cartons were great to look at…things are getting livley here on the LIP mag…one has to love it…
Hi Dan
I try to keep things interesting, I know that not everyone will agree with me but thats a big part of life!
Chris, interested and relevant post. In the provincial capital near where I live in Mindanao, on the radio Filipinos are questioning why the city allows foreigners to “sit in the mall all day and catch our daughters” and “sit drinking all day and fight each other and with us.” All true, unfortunately. Any suggestions on what to do?
I guess one could retort “what are these young girls doing hanging around the mall all day trying to catch a foreigner”?
However, the fact remains that we, as non Filipinos are in a foreign country and our behaviour should be that of an ambassador for our country. It is a crime for a foreigner to shout at a filipino and you can be deported for it; while this is clearly a silly law as it stands, it should certainly be subject to investigation when such things happen in public and perhaps it could work better on a three strikes basis.
Anyway, I treat my wife with respect (except when she actually asks to be spanked…but that’s another story), and when we are having a disagreement, my annoyance in public is better presented by my absolute silence…which drives her crazy and works much better anyway.
I don’t know what to suggest about this behaviour…idiots are just that wherever in the world, but I think being the Kano makes them feel omnipotent. I guess that the better of us just have to behave even more impeccably in order to counteract their craziness. Otherwise, we could set up a foreigner vigilante force perhaps?
Hi Jim
Your right we should always watch our behavior in other countries. We are ambassadors to our countries. That kind of behavior is very embarrassing to me as an american. I can remember when i was in the Marine Corps and on a ship, a few times we left Marines or Sailors behind at foreign ports because they got arrested because of there behavior and there was nothing we could do for them.
Hi Prof,
One cannot put all the blame on the men, there are lots of local girls who are just trying to get their hooks into any foreign man. I see lots of old foreign men hanging out in the malls just watching the girls and many of the score also.
Ladies whoever they are deserve respect at all times, I do not argue with my wife in public, that for private as all families dissagree at times.
Yep, aint love grand! Life here can be a mystery to me. My prospective third gf had actually turned out to be a ladyboy, very pretty mind you but unfortunately I wasn’t into value meals. Luckily he/she had 4 sisters which I am happily with now.
Look I admit I am one of those mean spirited HATE, DESPISE,DETEST the smell of friggen fried dried fish, totally banned inside the house. Outside they can cook anything they want, well nearly, the smell of boiled caraboa skin and cooked coagulated chicken blood sends me off the planet too. Dog is definitely a no no. When they do that I’m outta there.
Each to their own I guess.
You lucky boy; you are with all four of his sisters?
I too hate some of these things, and my wife has learned to respect my distaste for them, and if she wants to have these things then she does so elsewhere, with which I have no problem at all. Right from the beginning, she was well enough educated and sufficiently intelligent to realise on her own that strings of chicken intestines and bags of chicken feet just ain’t gonna work out in a western household.
From much that I have read on these kinds of issues in the last couple of years, it seems that girls who have had been brought up without much contact with the western world via television or perhaps overseas living experience will have trouble adapting to a different culture, and this really needs to be considered by a potential husband. A fit and sexy little body is nice for sure, but which head does one make ones decisions with?
The best of luck with your four girls then Boss.
Jim – believe it or not my wife bought a bag of chickens feet in Dundee of all places – she never cooked them as the kids would not let her!
Hi Bryan – Is that why Dundee FC are in trouble as your wife has bought all the Adidas in the city.
Regards.
Jim.
Hi Boss,
Lucky bugger having the 4 sisters! Sounds like you have a good life there as you have mentioned most of my favorite foods.
Chris;
The man you spoke of, that his mother send him money to live far away. I had a customer who a regular in my bar in Puerto Rico, he lived in a similar way, but it was not out of love or caring that his folks sent him money, it was to keep his sorry self away from them. Could that be the case with your “Mr. Nice Guy?”
Hi Paul,
Could be a similar story but I really think that the mother just sends him money to stay away even though she is a widow.
Mothers Know best!
Seems to be a theme on LIP, with this article & those submitted recently by Feyma & Roselyn. I had no idea all this is going on in Gensan, I’m going to have to pop over to Cambridge sometime & have a cold one B-)
Hi Gary,
Good Idea, Come and have a beer sometime and we can shoot the breeze, maybe it will give me an idea about a new article.
The wife and I have been happily married for 10 years as of September 14th. Like everyone else we have had our ups and down’s but I really respect her, as well as her way of life. I love and respect her family and except them as my own. She treats me and my family in the same manor as well. We have always been able to talk to each other and resolve any minor difference’s that we may have from time to time. We have realy never had any real problems just the occasional misunderstanding, usualy something that was misinterpeted but easily explained.
I must admit that I control all of the finance’s BUT I often offer to let my wife take over this responsability, to my dismay she always refuse’s. I also must admit that the smell of dry fish cooking in the kitchen, as well as the smell of some other filipino dish’s offend my nostrils, however I realize that this is a part of her life, I also realize that it is only a short walk to the front porch or some other outside location if the smell become’s overwelming. I am very sure that there are a lot of things that I do that are not pleasant for my wife, things that seem strange or foolish to her (she always say’s that she married a crazy man. haha) but we are in love so these things are accepted or at least overlooked and ignored.
The real success to our marriage is this: My wife loves me enough to let me think I’m the boss, so I feel good about myself and I love her enough to realize who the boss really is (her) and appreciate the fact that she knows how to stroke my ego. Ha ha ha !
I think these people that abuse there spouse’s have no respect for there husband/wife or themselves, they are realy greedy little control freaks who are incapible of realy truely loving anyone and deserve to be alone in life. They have never experienced true love and it scares the hell out of them !!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Clay,
Your very last sentence is a beauty and well explains what a lot of people know nothing about as they have never tasted true love.
Me and my wife are very happy, she watches the soaps here and I drink beer, what more could one ask for!
Kudo’s Clay, That pretty much sums up my life with my wife, she is from davao city, here family lives in a DDF Village of Mandug. Just past Buhagin, come Jan 31std we will have been married for 5 years, we are only year apart in age, we are in our mid 40’s, i to want to retire in the philippines, we are buying her parents house which is a nice comfortable little place, I too hate the smell of the dried fish, but i just keep a couple cans of air spray whenever she cooks them,
I know you are a writer for this site and you observe things happening around you in the Philippines but I think you would live a much happier and fruitful life if you didn’t get caught up in the misgivings of other people. There are bad people all around us but when we get involved in what everyone else is doing wrong it affects our own life and relationships. Would love to hear more of your articles about the beauty of the Filipinos and this wonderful country rather than negative gossip.
Hi Dan M,
I think that I do plenty of writing about the good things that happen over here. When writing articles a lot of times things just pop to mind, thats how I like to do things anyway.
My next article is what I think is a nice one anyway.
The bad guys do not bother me at all its just that I do not like to see women abused especially in public and also I do not like to people just complaining about the country especially if they have chosen this place as their home.
Thanks for your coments anyway as is shows you read my stuff and that makes me happy.
Hi Chris,
Sounds like Gen San has become the new “Peyton Place”,damn,i’m showing my age again Lol.
regards,Chas.
Peyton Place lol, wasn’t that 60’s?
SHhhhh,my mum use to watch it,not me Lol.
Hi Chasdv,
Wow, Peytom Place, that kind of stirs up memories from the past!
GenSan Chris,
I feel that it’s ok to comment upon the oddballs and weird ones in a not negative way. Variety is the spice of life. It also gives us regular people an opportunity to check our base line, and evaluate our own personal actions. I enjoyed your article.
Jade
Hi Jade,
I agree with you, it takes all kinds of people to make a world and we have quite a melting pot here.
wow…what an eye-opener. i am sooo very lucky!
Hi Mita,
I am very happy to here thay you are lucky, have a great life.
Interesting 🙂 And true for some maybe 🙂 But on the more introspective side, I think young filipina women who marry older men (my husband is 24 years my senior), should ALSO think of the responsibility that comes with it. Someone older necessarily has health issues the woman HAS to be aware of and SHOULD not ignore if she truly loves the man.
If she understands that, she will not spend the money he has like its hers. Its his in his old age, and should be used for him.
Claudette: You are a wise woman and a treasure to your husband. If I may quote Chasdv: “its the quality of the people involved, who on both sides are realistic in their expectations and marry for the right reasons.”
Thanks! 🙂 that was a very heart-warming complement. 🙂
Hi Claudette,
I know a lot of couples where one is quite a bit older, my wife is 10 years older than me, she likes a toy boy. As long as they are happy then I do not see a problem and I truly hope that they can stay happy and together.
That was a lovely comment from Roselyn via Chasdv, I hope things go well for you both in the future.
Hey Claudette
I think your right on target with your comments. Kudos to you. I can tell you are very loving and caring towards your husband and i’m sure he is that towards you.
Abuse comes in all shapes & sizes, it’s just tough when you see it first hand, and on a daily basis.
I’ve been married to my Filipina wife for over 34 years now. She’s still my “Funny Little Honey”, and always will be. I can’t see locking ones own children out of the house, especially if they have committed no crimes, or offenses in the past. Gotta be a bigger picture there.
I don’t look at being the “bread winner” of the family, as mine, and I share what I want. I humbly bequeathed my earnings to my wife, after all bills are paid, and she ensures I am fed and watered daily.
Hi Pita Mike,
Well said, its the sharing that is missing in many relationships, if there is mo trust then things do not last.
Another great article, Chris!
In my humble opinion, it is simply mutual respect that is called for in relationships. I can appreciate that you see a lot of this, if you are one of the “foreigner hang-outs” in Gen San.
Having said this, some of the comments to Chris’s article are nothing more than sanctimonious finger pointing. Having lived in several countries where the culture was very different to my own, I can certainly appreciate when another foreigner, at a local “watering hole” or when coming to my home, would have a few beers & start spitting bile about his Filipina wife/girlfriend or her family, and I know that my wife has experienced similar times with Filipinas married to foreigners, or Filipinas living in Canada and married to Canadians who are not of Philippine ancestry. I’d much rather listen to someone “blowing off steam”, commiserate with them, then try to re-direct him/her to a more positive point of view, than to hear the aftermath of his/her having reached the boiling point and physically or emotionally abusing the other. No, I don’t think that the criticisms should occur in the presence of the other, but it is a good signal for a “friend” to step in, separate the couple & try to help them out.
I would further suggest that it is rarely a permanent character trait that causes such people to act like a-holes, rather, insecurity in their present physical & emotional location. Living in a foreign culture is very isolating for most people. How much more so when those whom are of a similar culture and have been through the challenges are unwilling to show a bit of empathy? To stand back & point a finger at someone who is having difficulties adjusting says more about the one pointing the finger than the one he/she is pointing at. If, in the end, the verbally abusive individual shows him/herself to be unwilling to change, that is the time to turn one’s back, but with an explanation to that person as to why, imho.
Hi Mike,
Yes, I accept what you say, I think that some people actually think that they will get some form of respect by playing the big cheese, sometimes these guys do have their own little gang of similar types who hang out together but its usual that one of them spends more than the rest, this gives him the ticket to speak most.
Nice people do not act like that in reality.
Hi Chris,
Many of these relationships you cited I wouldn’t call personal relationships. They’re more like partnerships of convenience. You know like business or political partnerships. Somehow they just don’t sound right. It’s not only between local girl and a foreign man. I’ve actually worked with a couple of ladies whose marital and love life were just as woeful. Anyway, a long time Filipina friend, married to a Papuan for decades, said it’s a matter of finding one’s soul mate.
Alex
Hi Alex,
Very well put, its sad to see a bad marriage but there are often faults on both sides. My wife has a wet shoulder on many occasions when the unhappy brides tell her their stories and she then tries to give them some advice as to what to try next but it usually does not work.
Just a little information for British/Filipino couples.A Filipina lost her husband to a fatal illness last year in Manila.Married 10 years to a Scot but still Filipino citizen,2 children British citizens,came to UK to live at invitation of late husbands parents now finds she has no right to remain.Our local community will help as much as possible but it will take a great deal of expensive legal appeals with no certainty of success. Many of us including myself could have ended up in the same position as my children were born in the Philippines and due to my working overseas I was married 9 years before my wife could obtain a British passport.
Hi Bryan,
That Sucks, is she was an Afgan, a Romani or from Iraq then she would be welcome but coming from a nice country then she is not welcome, very sad!
Hi Chris,
Latest info we have from an immigration lawyer is that she has a 60-70% chance of succeding in being given leave to remain – it should not even be a question as far as I am c0ncerned. Our local political masters have gone collectively insane in the UK – I have been back here for 6 months and am only now beginning to see quite how bad things are.The latest case is a soldier returning from Afghanistan being refused local authority housing due to”having no local connections” while in the same area a female Afghani refugee and her children are given a £1.2 million house with allowances of £150,000 a year – that is not a missprint! The UK must be the softest touch in the world – those incapable of contributing to society are welcomed while the hard working and industrious such as the Filipinos are excluded.
Hi Bryan,
I am not surprised at that as I stated im my answer to you up the page a bit!
Hi Chris,
My Filipina is quite a bit younger than I. We met in a chat room on Yahoo and hit it off without discussing age until later. She’s funny, bright and irreverent. While in the room we shared a secret bond and used to try and put one over on the other folks in the room who were usually self important blowhards. We grew close and over the course of the next year and a half spent every night chatting for hours. She chatted while at work and her boss finally banned Yahoo Messenger as it (I) interfered with her job but we continued to chat first on gmail then on Pigeon and Meebo. We discussed our lives, our hopes and dreams and fell in love. When it came to the age thing I think we were both a little shocked to find out just how much of a difference there was (30 years) lol. I took a chance and traveled to Cebu where she was working at the time to meet her and our relationship soared. We had so much fun together playing tourist (something she never had time for) and shopping. We both shed a tear when it came time to part. She felt that God had brought us together as two lost souls searching for their soul mate and that the age difference didn’t matter that much as I’m a big kid any way! Now it is four years later I’ve been to the Phils a few more times, met her family and popped the question. We will be married in February and officially start a life together. I respect her and she respects me. We have fun but we have a serious relationship, too. I love her and her family and she loves me. I do not financially support her family but I will help out when I’m around. A few family members (not immediate) have tried to hit me up for ‘loans’ and I usually defer to her judgment. We’ve discussed money and how expensive life in the US is compared to the Phils. I even took Paul T’s advice and told her if we give all our money away there won’t be any left for us, hehe. Her barangay is on a small island and her dad is a barangay official, well known and respected. Our relationship has raised a few eyebrows but overall the people are very accepting of us. I’m sure in the US they will not be as accepting; even my sister termed me a “cradle robber”; lovingly of course. I resent that people get judgmental and read things into our relationship that just aren’t there. I would never demean her in public or private. Men who do that to their wives don’t deserve to have them. I’m a little jealous of all you lucky guys who found your Filipinas early in life!
Hi Mark,
I sounds to me that you two are really well suited to each other and I hope that you have a good wedding and enjoy your lives together in the future!
Hi Mark.
I can totally relate to your story. I met my filipina g/f on the internet too. she is 27 years younger than me, but we are totally in love with each other. She is a very intelligent and responsible person. She is also a successful businesswoman. Her family has no problem with the age difference as long as we love and repsect each other. She would never ask me to support there family because they are very independent. I will be retiring in a few years moving the the philippines. I wish the best of luck and to have along and happy marriage.
while I hate hearing that there are so many wankers with big mouths and small minds who have caught a local, I do love to hear about all the other stories. Interesting to me were your comments about guys with ladyboy gf’s. They all watch em like hawks? Odd. I’m in touch with what seems to be a nice “girl” (yes, ladyboy :P) in Zamboanga but some web comments saying that area is a NO visit zone because of kidnappings give me reason to question a visit. MUCH moreso than the “value meal” haha. Everyone with a good heart deserves happiness I think.
I can’t go to cotabato city as it is way to dangerous for a white guy . Even family that lives there say don’t come .
Hi Tom,
The normal human is probably in no real danger when visiting Zambo. Everyone with a good heart does deserve happiness, I agree with that statement.
Here in the filippines 6 years . Don’treally care much for it as I find many here to be realshit heads , stupid , arrogant . I live in the country , no problems except for an occasional murder that never gets solved . My wife has 2 homes and a business to sustain her and the grown kids .Don’t travel , just sick of the attempted rip offs and BS fees .