Hi readers I got this email from a reader on my other blog. She emailed me privately and asking some advice for her niece’s problem. To be honest I just don’t know what to tell her. I am asking you guys’ advice on what to tell her. I’ve seen and heard too many stories of cheating spouses. I want you guys’ input to what I should advise and tell this lady on what to do. Some of the words in the emails were written in Tagalog. I tried to interpret in English as good and as accurate as possible.
Dear Feyma, I’m a reader of some of your blog. You don’t know me. But I will introduce my self. My name is Mindy. My family lives in Northern Luzon. I am an OFW in Kuwait. I am writing and needing advice for my niece. She lives there in the Philippines. She has been married to her husband for over 5 years now. They had a baby last year. Her husband is a seaman. He travels abroad, works on a ship.
My niece was shocked when her husband came home last March 2015. He didn’t give any money to my niece. He told my niece that he wants to separate. My niece asked him to just stay for their daughter’s sake. The husband don’t want to be married anymore. My niece told me that when her husband started going abroad his family said bad things about my niece. Her husband got help in going abroad financially from the parents of my niece. When my niece give birth to her baby the Papa & Mama of my niece paid the hospital and other bills, until now the husband did not pay them. After the husband went abroad many times, they bought house and car. My niece wants to sell the house and car and all the other properties now that he wants to separate. The husband told my niece that she won’t get anything. He even get all the jewelries and electronics gadgets that he gave to my niece.
It turns out now that the husband is having a relationship with the working student that was helping my niece while she was pregnant. That working student was sent by the parents of the husband. My niece found out the relationship when she accidentally open the private email of the husband because they share a laptop. The husband forget to log out. My niece saw all the emails. He denied but my niece showed him the email. He still denies. The husband abandoned the baby now.
My niece was just so shocked that she doesn’t know what to do. What should my niece do? Salamat sa payo (advice). I will just wait for your reply. Sincerely, Mindy.
Honestly I’ve been hearing too many stories like this. It even happened to our neighbor before it’s the lady that works abroad, similar situation the lady went abroad to work in the Middle East. When she gets home the husband already had someone on the side, so they separate went back abroad and later the lady end up marrying an OFW that she met there in the Middle East. Others too, the lady who works abroad found someone there (abroad) and later the lady will separate to the husband here and she moves in later to her lover abroad.
Too many stories that probably you hear or it happens to someone you know. I want to hear what would you guys advice if it happens to someone you know? I will pass you guys message to Mindy.
I really appreciate any advice given to Mindy or to those readers that were just shy to share here.
I see this kind of stuff happening all the time. Husbands/Asawas leave wives without leaving the country, so that part isn’t the issue. The question is, are they really married? A lot of couples live together, behaving as husband and wife (and calling each other asawa) and raise large families without being formally married. There is no such thing as common-law marriage in the Philippines.
Without the commitment of a formal marriage, it’s easy one partner to abandon the other. It’s not so easy otherwise because of rights (property, etc.).
Of course, I’m only guessing at the situation and I can’t offer any advice. My wife and I have been formally married for over 30 years.
Hi RT Cunningham – Yes, they are married. Thank you for your comment.
Good to see you here. Have a nice day!
There’s really not much the niece can do in this situation. The husband wants to leave and already has another relationship. She is better off letting him go. He may have other women that she doesn’t even know about. If that is the case then he could bring some sickness to her (I think everyone understands what I mean–trying to keep this PG rated).
She’ll have to focus on raising the child. Good thing she has family support other than her husband.
Hi Kevin – Good advice there. Yep, she’s lucky that her parents supports her emotionally and financially.
Thank you so much. Have a great day!
Let him go,,,time to say goodbye.
That’s for sure Ralph. Hopefully she can move on easily. Just hoping the guy will support his kid.
Take care!
The niece should learn not to read other people’s mail even if they shared a laptop. What’s her business reading his mail anyway? Who knows, maybe the husband would still be with the niece if she didn’t confront him. But this is all water under the bridge now, of course.
The niece should not be begging for the husband to stay for the baby. Have a little pride, woman. Your life would be miserable if he stayed. If he cheated once, he will cheat again. Let him go. If I weren’t married, I will probably marry you. LOL
Hi John – Hmm, I don’t know about that. He might also intend for her to read the message. He might too chicken to tell her he is splitting up with her. Who knows really what’s on his head, maybe too busy thinking of the other woman. Sus…
*** If he cheated once, he will cheat again. Let him go. *** —- True, a big possibility. Yep time to let him go and try to move on…
*** If I weren’t married, I will probably marry you. LOL *** —- Ha ha ha, LOL
Thanks for the comment. Have a wonderful day!
sad condolences
Thanks Michael. 🙂
Hi Feyma – the Philippines has tougher law on the philandering spouse; the consequences for a Filipina who caused the break-up of a married couple is longer stay in jail than for a Filipino man. Because there is a child that needs financial support, she should seek legal advice. However, if there is financial restraint, perhaps she should stop by the local DSWD (Dept of Social Welfare Development) for their advice against abandonment of mother and child.
Hi Leona – To be honest I don’t really know what’s the law here. I’m glad you enlightened me. I will forward to Mindy of what you just said. That’s one of the reason Mindy emailed me to seek advice for her niece’s legal option to get child support from the husband. He seems that he is abandoning the child and getting all the properties they owned to himself. He is not giving any money to his wife.
Thank you for the insight. Highly appreciated!
Yes !… let hem go to hell with the other girl he got..and fucos that little baby you have…move on and forget hem like you fullsleep and dreaming..the neice setuation its happen to me..i had two kids from my foriegn husband. He cheated too.my youngest son ask to hes daddy wanna go eat checkin in jollibee..daddy answer..sorry baby i dont have money befor that happen i saw hes wallet had money.
he send money to the girl etc…coz i check my husband wallet again that time he went to the bathroom.. 1 receipt i saw from LBC..and i ask hem nice..who is that girl you send her money?. my husband not answer..
i told hem that dont let me try to get realy mad..i ask hem that if my husband dont like me or dont want me with kids..i tell hem to leave..or dont wait to depport you…i started to get WILD like crazy..
this long story but better i stop here..
about my husband he married me twice..civil and the church…were live in davao now..
She should leave him. I don’t understand how he figures she should get none of the proceeds from the house. If he feels he owes her parents nothing, much less his child, she is better off without him. The new girl friend will be in the same situation soon too.
HI Brian – The husband took everything. I guess he thinks he owns everything they have. His brain is so clouded right now, because his parents and his siblings got involved.
He didn’t even paid the money he owed to the parents of his wife. They paid his way to work overseas. It’s not cheap to apply abroad here. He also owed money to the parents when his wife gives birth (the hospital and doctor’s bill).
*** The new girl friend will be in the same situation soon too. *** — I had the same thoughts too.
Thank you so much for stopping by. Have a great day!
This is sad but my father told me a secret when I was young (almost 60 years ago and he was making an important statement that he repeated it to me from time to time) Absence Does Not Make the Heart grow Fonder. Out of Sight and Out of MInd is more the truth of the world. I feel sad for the lady and the child for all those out there that have been cheated on. It hurts and the scars last in some cases forever. I know the drivers that force the people here in the Philippines to work out of country, I understand the pressure on a person when ones family do not like the wife or the husband. These are the whys, be it working away from the family, I am tired from over work, my mother whispers in my ear about my Mate is bad or I allow bad thoughts about my mate to live inside me. Once cheating happens, once distrust has set in I believe that the marriage is dead and best to move on (best for the children and in this case wife). But I would also recoomend that the wife get a Lawyer. Her husband’s statement that it is all his, is wrong and for him to not support his child after the separtion tells me he is not a man of honor. If he says the child is not his, there are test that will prove it one way or the other. He needs to stand up and support his kids. Plus I believe here in the Philiipines courts will support the wifes right to the home and things inside it. Either way this is something that only the court will decide. But here Divorce is not legel but supporting ones family is required and if the wife can prove her husband is having an affair that is not legel here and he could go to jail if she presses charges. At least this is what I have seen on TV here and what my wife has told me. Either way this is now a legel set of issues. Same in regards to the money owed to the wifes parents by the husband.
Hi Luke – Thank you for the good advice. The husband’s family said so much lies about the wife. The wife regretted now of marrying the husband. She said that if they’re not married at least she can just walked away and no hassles of getting an annulment since no divorce here in the Philippines.
I will pass along all the post here to Mindy. I really appreciate you guys advice here.
Good to see you here. Have a pleasant day!
But on things like this there is no winner.
So true Luke.
Hi Feyma
A bad situation a lot of people get caught in. There is no quick fix. Hopefully things work out for the best.
Hi Brenton – Yep, definitely no quick fix.
*** Hopefully things work out for the best. *** — I’m hoping too.
Thanks for stopping by. Take care!
I agree with the one written response on the cheating husband and the OTHER WOMAN…THEY COULD BE THROWN IN JAIL!..OR FORCED TO MOVE AWAY, from what I studied on this…
I am hoping that the wife has the strength to realize that it will never work.
A good lawyer is necessary…I have a good lawyer there in the Philippines…he is on Facebook…he is honest too!..I tested him already…his name is Ramos law office out of Roxas , Capiz….he is very, very reasonable too!…not the 220k that everyone else wanted!….under 50k!….
Hope this helps and hopefully she can find a good man who will love the baby as much as her…
Hi Dan – Good advice. I will forward your post to Mindy.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here. I really appreciate that very much.
Have a great day!
Walang anuman po, Feyma….
My girlfriend left her husband 6 years ago, after he tried to kill her. The next day, his brother came after her with a gun..he was high on drugs.
She fled Manila and moved back to the provience where she lives with family.
We met on Date in Asia. And the first thing she told me is she could not afford a lawyer for annulment.
So, we talked and I studied up on the law there in the Phil’s. ( we met last august) and close to Christmas I asked if she really wanted the annulment.
I found the lawyer and she did not know about this. I sent the money for the lawyer and he sent the documents he filed. It shows when married and everything else…
Now it is the waiting game when everything is finally completed
Mindy will have to appear in court and show mental incapacity for the annulment.
There will be a doctors report done as well as a video tape of the interview for the judge to see.
There is a prosecutor that will interrogate Mindy on the witness stand in court.
I would do a police report if possible if things get ugly for her proof and protection.
Hope this helps more for Mindy.
The lawyer I chose I hand picked to avoid any scams…so I know this is true for the annulment, as well as the attacks on the girlfriend 6 years earlier…
So, we are keeping this very low key due to the laws in the Phil’s.
So a big song and dance is created when a foreigner cheats on his Filipino girlfriend or wife. What about all the TRUE stories where the foreigner has to leave the Philippines with just the clothes on his back because he has been scammed of millions by his pinoy wife and her family? After 2 years of living here I have heard shocking stories!!Pinoys are all so religious but they are the first to lie, cheat, steal from their foreign partners. This is a great country to live but the majority of filipino people need to learn to respect themselves and learn some HONESTY!!!!
Gary,
I think you need to go back and read the story. Both parties in this fiasco are Filipino and there is no foreigners involved.
Fair enough. My bad. I 100% stand by my comments though!!! I could write a book here on the stories I have heard
Hi Scott – Thank you!
Have a wonderful day!
Thanks Gary for sharing. 🙂
Take care!
This is VERY TRUE. Thank you for your honest comment. You always here the story of the poor abandoned wife when everyone knows it is RAMPANT fraud and scams of marriage and pregnancy of Filipinas seeking money, visas and benefits from foreigners!
Feyma,
It is sad when this happens. And this is not the first time I have heard of this type of situation. All I can say is she is better off without him. However, I really feel bad for the child in this situation, because the child is the one who will suffer.
Hi Scott – Yep same here. I’ve heard too many stories similar like this.
You’re right at the end it is the kid that will suffer. I just hope that the husband will support the kid and help the wife raise the kid even if they’re not together anymore.
Thank you for your thoughts and comment. Good to see you here!
First off, your niece and her “husband” are not married, right? You said so. They’re not married, much less in church, right?
In that case, I’d say go, start life anew, but have recourse to every legal remedy that’s available to you, e.g., support for your child.
And learn your lesson: shacking in will bring you no good.
Hi Abraham – They are legally married.
Thanks for the advice. Highly appreciated!
///After 2 years of living here I have heard shocking stories!!Pinoys are all so religious but they are the first to lie, cheat, steal from their foreign partners. /// This happens, but, for the most part, the expat shares the blame.
You have to learn to be more discriminating. Marrying someone you’ve met at the bar may dramatically increase the chances of your being scammed. Same with marrying one whom you’ve met on Internet, the kind that bares on Skype for a fee.
Try going to church everyday, observe possible candidates who attend Holy Mass daily, see if I’m wrong.
Hey, Bob. how do change my profile picture here, please?
You set your picture by opening an account at “Gravatar.com” that is where the pictures come from, I am not connected with putting up the pictures, it is upt you to choose and put a picture up. Good luck.
First off, your niece and her “husband” are not married, right? You said so. They’re not married, much less in church, right?
In that case, I’d say go, start life anew, but have recourse to every legal remedy that’s available to you, e.g., support for your child.
And learn your lesson: shacking in will bring you no good.
Reply
As I stated on Bob’s Face book page.
1) the Nice needs to get a Lawyer, if she is a legal wife, she has rights in regards to support for child and herself
2) the house and car and other property she also has rights to it, at least a part of it.
3) If her husband is living with another woman, shame on him and in the Philippines that is not legal and from what my wife has told me and what I have seen on the TV’s dramas he can get to spend time in jail for that.
4) The husband needs to support his child, if he thinks the baby is not his get a test done, DNA tests will prove one way other the other. If baby is his he needs to support or he is without honor and needs to have his day in court .
5) If his parents lied about the Nice to her husband that also should be dealt with in court Lieing about someone and damaging them if found guilty can cost money and receive jail time.
Time to have the courts decide where the right and what is correct to do. Do not second guess this
I do not see where it stated they were not offically married. So I am asumming that it is a legel marriage. (either a civil or a church wedding).
Hi Luke – They are legally married, in church (Catholic).
I would advise Mindy to count her blessings (child and supportive parents) and move on. Any guy who will do that is no good and not worth hanging onto. Instead, she should focus on HER family and happiness and go to school to better her education. Don’t go looking for love, love will find her when least expected. Focus on her and her child.
I thought they were married? Not sure whee that information came from.
Walang anuman po, Feyma….
My girlfriend left her husband 6 years ago, after he tried to kill her. The next day, his brother came after her with a gun..he was high on drugs.
She fled Manila and moved back to the provience where she lives with family.
We met on Date in Asia. And the first thing she told me is she could not afford a lawyer for annulment.
So, we talked and I studied up on the law there in the Phil’s. ( we met last august) and close to Christmas I asked if she really wanted the annulment.
I found the lawyer and she did not know about this. I sent the money for the lawyer and he sent the documents he filed. It shows when married and everything else…
Now it is the waiting game when everything is finally completed
Mindy will have to appear in court and show mental incapacity for the annulment.
There will be a doctors report done as well as a video tape of the interview for the judge to see.
There is a prosecutor that will interrogate Mindy on the witness stand in court.
I would do a police report if possible if things get ugly for her proof and protection.
Hope this helps more for Mindy.
The lawyer I chose I hand picked to avoid any scams…so I know this is true for the annulment, as well as the attacks on the girlfriend 6 years earlier…
So, we are keeping this very low key due to the laws in the Phil’s.
Reply
This is the initial statement: “She has been married to her husband for over 5 years now.” But, then, further on: “The husband don’t want to be married anymore.” I took this to mean that, in the first statement, what’s meant is that the couple have been living as husband and wife for over five years now, but that they’ve never been legally married. The second statement I took to mean that the husband scrapped plans of ever making good of the woman. I may be wrong. There are other possible interpretations, but I opted for the “unmarried” keeping in mind that the Philippines is the only country left not counting the Vatican that does not allow divorce. In other words, were they married, and especially were they married in church, I assumed it’d be the first thing that the aunt-writer would make clear, to situate the whole thing. In the Philippines, one simply cannot “walk out” of a valid marriage.
It clearly says they were married over 5 years ago. It has come to the point where the husband wants to separate. He probably would like to divorce, but it is not possible here. He is an OFW, he lives abroad and thinks differently, because he is exposed to other places. The Philippines is the only place in the world where divorce is not an option.
In the event that her husband doesn’t wish to cooperate in filing for a legal separation, her only other option is to file for a civil annulment. An expensive and lengthy process that might even fail if a judge decides that she hasn’t tried hard enough to make the marriage work.
Hi Feyma & Bob- the husband is in clear violation of the Family code under PH Republic Act 9262. There is a free Legal Updates and Guidance by Atty Gerry T Galacio which can be accessed here on Facebook. She could also file a petition in the Family Court in the Municipality in which she resides. Besides, Family Matters are made simple under search engine–Google here in PH and abroad.
Hi Feyma & Bob- the husband is in clear violation of the Family code under PH Republic Act 9262. There is a free Legal Updates and Guidance by Atty Gerry T Galacio which can be accessed here on Facebook. She could also file a petition in the Family Court in the Municipality in which she resides. Besides, Family Matters are made simple under search engine–Google here in PH and abroad.
The sad truth is with all the OFW cheating is inevitable . You cannot live in separate countries for years at a time an expect faithfulness that is only common sense.
Hi Feyma & Bob,
I was going to pass on commenting on this article, but I have come up with some thoughts I would like to share. My wife has a sister whose husband left her for another woman after they had four kids together. My wife’s sister moved her family into an orphanage and she worked there while the missionaries helped her with her kids. The marriage is over. The couple will probably never get an annulment, because it is so expensive. I think it is bad how in the Philippines poor people are denied a way of dissolving a marriage while people who can afford to get an annulment are allowed to and can move on. I am not a big fan of divorce, but think it is bad that the rules are different for poor and rich. I guess it is what it is though.
It’s a sad situation she is in. She should seek legal advice and move on with her life. I am a foreigner living in the Philippines. I have a girlfriend who has children from another relationship. We have been together five plus years. I am no longer interested in staying with my girlfriend. We are not married and I am not obligated by law to support her after we break up. But morally I can’t leave her without a means to survive. So I decided to support her at least till she can stand on her own. A man has to think about the commitments and responsibilities that come with being in or ending a relationship/marriage.
Until the husband is placed in the wife’s situation he will continue to be evil and unfair.
Feyma, respecting that someone else (female) asked you their question, now with all due respect please post your comments and advice in the much more reasonable and more likely context of the “cheating Pinoy wife”