I am writing this article to have awareness on every foreigner that comes here. A few days ago I was at the mall with my nephew Deo and my niece Glenda. My niece Glenda still had more stuff to buy so I told Deo that we will just wait for Glenda outside in the car at the parking lot.
As you notice here in the Philippines at the parking lot of every mall a van or a small bus has a parking space for the out of town trips. A few meters distance away I notice a car that was parking just like us. A few minutes later I saw a foreigner walking across and come to the direction on the parked car thats just ahead of us. As he came near to the car I thought the car was just waiting for him with his driver in it. The car move out for the van with a lot of passengers would get out. The foreigner all of a sudden kicked the car. Me and my nephew were just looking at each other in shock. We thought really that he owned the car and the driver just did not noticed him and moved the car a little as soon as he was approaching. But then we didn’t think that he owned car because he would not have kicked it if he owned it. Plus, he keeps walking away and went toward the other side of the parking lot. I didn’t know then where he went because he was no longer in sight.
Anyway, lucky for that foreigner that the driver did not get out of the car and punch him hard on the face. To be honest I am going to side with the driver on that. The foreigner was wrong to be kicking the car. The car was privately owned by somebody. I think it was just the driver of the family who was inside, I know if the owner was the one driving there was going to be a confrontation happening in that moment. Stupid foreigner he didn’t even think of what will happen to him if the driver got out and fought. Just by looking at that foreigner he looks like he had a bad day. The unhappy one here.
Later that afternoon we went to another mall. We went to the deli section because I was wanting to buy some stuff for Bob. Ahead of us there I saw an old foreigner and his wife they both must be in their mid 70’s. We let them order ahead of us, me and my niece just waited at the other end of the counter. I saw that those people were in the cashier the other saleslady helped us then. We told her what we want and wanted to pay now. The foreigner and his wife were still at the counter. I sat down at the chair I just let my niece pay for our merchandise. While sitting I was hearing the foreigner yelling GO, GO, GO. So I look at them and saw the girl running. At first I thought it was his helper, but later found out it was the cashier he was yelling at. While the cashier was gone the foreigner sat down not too far from me and I could hear him talking to his wife. I could tell his really a demanding fellow. A few minutes later the cashier came back.
The foreigner stood up and went to the cashier counter. Near the cashier area my niece was standing talking to the saleslady about some product. I then saw the foreigner pushing my niece and telling her to move away. I was not going to react if my niece was blocking him at the counter, but I could see that my niece was far from the cashier and had some space for him to pay.
I didn’t really like what I’m seeing I then asked my niece what did that foreigner say and was he pushing you? My niece was kind of scared because she could tell I was kind of mad. I already said that he has no right to be pushing you or touching you. My niece just said that I think he thinks that I am wanting to pay ahead of him and he just doesn’t want that. My niece did not want to pay ahead of him because she knows that the old foreigner was there ahead of us.
I think the wife knew that I was already mad and grab her husband and left right away. When my niece was paying the saleslady told us that they are used to the attitude of that old guy. He has been going there for a while now and that’s really his attitude. He is really rude and demanding. They said that the wife really is a nice lady. They just know by now how to handle that old guy. They said if not for the wife they would have already complained to the owner of the shop. The wife really is a nice lady so they just put up with him.
Gosh I saw some of these kinds of foreigners here. The one that I witnessed at the immigration a year or so ago really open up my eyes. I just hope that at the end these people will not be in big trouble here because they get mad easy. Hopefully lots of people still have the patience to have them here. Good luck to them.
Hi feyma thats not good for us who one day hope to come to live there in davao i have only been there twice but my wife is from the compestella valley and has relatives from davao to montevista and beyond we are purchasing land on samal as my wife went home at xmas to visit and purchased a 300 sq metre lot not much but she says it has a veiw of davao city ,i think that people get older they become more cranky as they realize time is short we quite often encounter elderly people like this here in australia ,i am not condoning this behaour at all as the saying goes you catch more flies with honey than vinegar so if what comes out of your mouth is vinegar then dont expect a warm reception if honey comes out in your words then you will get anything you want with a smile , if he had pushed my wife or daughter i would have had to have done ssomething even a verbal dressing down can sometimes wake people up , i hope your neice is not to shaken by this and remind her we are not all ignorant pigs like the one she encountered
chris
Hi Chris – Don’t be scared away by a few bad behavior of some expats here. Theirs still lots of nice expats that we know here in Davao area.
Good that you purchased land in Samal. As you know we had land in Samal. Our land might not be too far from your land. Ours in Limao.
Anyway, thank you for your comment. Nice to see you here. Keep reading.
Take care!
I am sorry to disagree with you very strongly.
First, loud talk implies that the speaker is hard of hearing, not rude.
Second, LOTS of activities/attitudes in the Philippines are stupid and flat wrong. Visitors should not be required to leave their brains at home when here.
RUDE FOREIGNERS????? does anybody here actually understand the concept of falling in line? First come first serve? At the bank last week I was first in line and 4, 4!!!!! people shoved ahead of me to enter the bank first upon opening. I have been actually knocked down boarding a bus.
What could be more rude than deliberately pulling into traffic thinking “I am fairly sure he can get stopped”? Unloading on the hi-way, on a bridge?!!! On a blind curve? In the middle of an intersection? I doubt there is a single foreigner here who has not seen this.
How about going to a bus station, ship terminal or large mall and being accosted by person after person trying to sell you, JUNK? DO THEY REALLY THINK YOU CAME THERE TO MEET THEM? LEAVE ME ALONE! I actually had 18 men follow me at the pier in Cebu until I responded asking if I wanted a taxi. I counted them. 18 men disturbed me and thought I could not hail a cab. Maybe I am wrong, but I think these guys just did not give a darn about my peace of mind, what do you think?
Now to the guy kicking the car… he is wrong. But my heart reaches out to him. Retribution here is common by Filipino’s. Read the guy’s comment above, he thinks punching the guy in the face is parity to scratching a car. The local justice system here seems to me to have a clear local bias. Maybe it is true, maybe not. But appearances lead to frustrations and attitudes that lead to resolving problems without official participation.
So let me ask you a question;
Do Filipino’s really want to remain in the darkness of ignorance, to protect their pride? Do they really want to continue offending people due to ignorance?
Did the tourism department invite people here expecting them to check their personalities at the home departure terminal?
What is the thinking for making foreigners or anybody else, unable to follow the law because the person in charge wants to make a fashion statement? I have read immigration guidelines and their is NOTHING in it about what clothes are demanded to follow the law. This guy who is in charge is WRONG, and we as foreigners should pity him and tell him so.
Is your post really about rude foreigners, or demonstrating a bias against them? ( no comment here about rude pinoy )
I don’t think that it matters that Filipinos don’t follow the customs of the countries that you or I come from, Abu Farsi. social interaction follows different paths, in different countries, you either accept it, reject it, or move on. Unfortunately, those whom are not willing to “suck it up” and accept things the way they are, create problems for all foreigners. There have been times when I have chastised my wife for not following Canadian customs when living in Vancouver and, likewise, I must accept Philippine customs as they are, when in The RP, regardless of my opinion of these same customs.
If someone kicked my car, whether in Davao or Vancouver, I’d be angry. As I’ve had people cut into line in front of me in Canada, South Korea, Hong Kong, Taiwan, The Philippines & India, I can accept that it will happen and, though it irritates me, will allow it to happen. Why? Because it isn’t important enough an offense to stand my ground. A whispered “Bastos ka” makes the point in a subtle way.
Mike2
Hi Mike – Good point and good advice to foreigners Mike.
If people tried to cut in line in front of me. I let them know on that. The only people that can get away with me on that were the elderly. 😉
Good to see you here again Mike. Thank you for stopping by!
Take care!
Abu, you sound a lot like the type of folks Feyma is writing about. I hope it’s just a difference in our writing styles and language use and not you real personality showing through.
I just published an article on living longer, especially n the Philippines. I can say, though, as an American here close to 4 years now,there are a lot of foreigners who really should just stay home. The Philippines is never going to be the same as ‘home’, and indeed, why should it?
Lately I have been seeing more and more foreigners ‘acting out’. Maybe it’s because of economic conditions and people’s income dropping so that they feel trapped here, I don’t know.
But it’s reached the point I actively avoid eye contact and meeting up with other foreigners when I see them, say at the mall, because lately at least 90% of the ones I do meet want nothing more than to ‘dump’ on me about how much they hate the Philippines, how stupid they think the Filipinos are (this kind of mindless insult comes up even when my wife is standing there next to me, how “backwards” the Philippines is, etc., etc.
It makes me really treasure my few foreigner friends who don’t suffer from this mindless racial superiority complex. You know how you all are, thank you one and all.
If you asked me to list all the things I don’t like about living in the Philippines, quite frankly it would be a long list, but dealing with and being embarrassed by the utterly rude and racist behavior of fellow Americans would be at the top of the list.
I just spent 3 weeks back in the USA and I couldn’t wait to get on the plane to come back to the Philippines .. and one major reason was the anger, nastiness and pure unadulterated racism I saw displayed in so many of my fellow Americans.
So to all you foreigners wihtin the sound of my voise, if you hate it here, the solution to your problem is easy … go home. We (foreigners) are not here to change the Philippines and to ‘enlighten’ the country with our ‘superior’ knowledge.
If you live on the island of Luzon and you can’t afford a ride to the airport … or can’t abide by how ‘the Filipinos will cheat you’ if you hire one for the trip, I’ll be happy to pick you up and drive you on your one-way outbound trip for free.
Do yourself a favor and go back to the land of milk and honey where the streets are paved with gold and all the people are so smart, and leave my adopted country and my wife and all my Filipin0o friends alone … life will be better for all of us.
(by the way I’ve been driving here for years and I don’t have a problem with it .. maybe because I don’t try to tell everyone else how to drive. Go with the flow …)
Dave and Feyma: As I was reading this article, my first thought was that perhaps the old man had dementia or something… Just not all there (In high school, I briefly worked at a nursing home and saw much the same type of thing). Then you said that he had been acting towards staff like that for years…
Dave, I agree with you. The nastiness in the States is glaring… You ndon’t seem to notice it as much when you live there. It is almost as if the concept of “civility” has been lost. This is nothing to do with the economy, though I’m certain that has made it worse. It has everything to do with the breakdown of family structure there, influence of a media that is focused on the sensational, and the constant drive to outdo one’s neighbors. There are certain times I might feel “homesick”, but the feeling passes quickly, usually after hearing something on the news.
The ass kicking the car? Well, he got off lucky… That’s all I have to say on that one.
Hi John – I think you got it right the old guy had some problems. I just hope that the wife will take control of him not letting him go to so many places. He could get in trouble later.
Thank you for your thoughts John. Good to see you here as always.
Take care!
Ya… Dave,
After re-reading my post it seems I am ragging about stuff that is common here. I am and I am not.
Frankly, my life is way way better in the PI than the USA.
The attitude “love it or leave it” is frankly, wrong. Positive insightful suggestions for improvement should always be met with “thanks” not “it is our way, get the hell out of here!”
My reply was about the posters’ thinking that rudeness by those who were born someplace else than those common here is a “problem”. This woman has a bias that needs to be addressed. I highlighted that bias.
I am going to suggest, but I don’t know, that she would also think it is quaint and OK to yell racial slurs at strangers on the street.( HEY JOE!!!) The double standard that I tried to point out in my first post reeks in your post as well. If you think it is so OK here, why are you so afraid to make positive changes in the culture that you love? Why do you feel it is your job to defend any culture, USA or Filipino? Why is an insult to some Filipinos, an insult to your or your wife?
Hey Abu Farsi – It is my wife who wrote the article. For the old guy in the store, if he had only verbally complained, that is one thing. The minute that he put his hands on my niece and pushed her, that is way over the line. She did not do anything, other than standing at the counter and waiting to pay for her goods. Maybe he thought she was trying to push in front of him (which she was not), but even if she was pushing her is way over the line.
Bob,
Thank you for you reply to Abu Farsi. I don’t think I would have been as polite if he had said the same thing about Juramie.
John and I shared a similar thought that it could be dementia. If this is the case, I feel sorry for his asawa. Most times though we have choices in life and we can choose our attitude. There are many people here in the USA that aren’t happy unless they are complaining. Their problems are always somebody elses fault. It is a bad habit to have and break.
Hi Jack – Its okay. I think of Abu Farsi same as the old guy I was talking about. Maybe he also had some problems. I hope he is not as bad as the old guy. I felt sorry for his wife then.
Thank you for the good comment Jack. Nice to see you here again.
Take care!
Bob,
This is my last attempt to say, what I thought was clear in my first 2 posts on this topic.
The world is a rude place sometimes. Rudeness in reply to rudeness only makes the world more rude.
Unacceptable behavior is just that, and also common, no mater where their mother was when they were born.
For your wife to write an article about unacceptable behavior by “foreigners” is racism, and unfair.
She listed events she thought were rude. So did I. She listed only events done by those who appeared born outside of the country, I listed only events of those apparently born inside the country.
She obviously thinks that those who’s mothers were outside the country when they were born are somehow obligated to rise to a far higher standard than those who’s mothers were in Davao when they were born for example. Ugly, stinking, bigotry is the only reason I can come up with for this logic.
I tried to call her on it.
Now if you too think that “foreigners” have some obligation to have “better” personalities, I can see too why you did not get the point as well. Perhaps you think racism is OK, and if that is so, we can choose to differ on that topic.
Hi Abu Farsi – Racism? You’re smoking something, my friend. My wife wrote an article about two incidents that she saw. Specific incidents which she witnessed. She basically said that she sees this kind of behavior from foreigners, and is advising that foreigners should not act this way.
By the way, Abu… my wife is a foreigner. She is a US Citizen, not a Philippine Citizen. She does not have dual citizenship. So, if she is a racist, she is a racist against herself too. Fact is she did not write anything about race, the closest she came to that was nationality, not race.
Hi Hon – Thank you.
Abu Farsi – Get a life.
abu farsi,
“Frankly, my life is way way better in the PI than the USA.”
if that is the case, then you should learn how to adapt and accept how things are in the philippines in exchange to your “way way better life”.
we filipinos will not ever ever change our culture and our way of life just because of one disillusioned and dissatisfied “kano” who wants philippines to be like u.s of a.
if you want to be treated like a piece of junk and a nobody, you can freely leave the philippines and go back to a place called “home of the brave”.
Dans,
Yet another guy who thinks I was ragging on the PI. Not so at all.
I was ragging about BIAS.
“we filipinos will not ever ever change our culture and our way of life just because of one disillusioned and dissatisfied “kano” who wants philippines to be like u.s of a.”
And nobody I ever hear of would expect you to. Now that you have successfully stood up and knocked down your straw man, do you feel better?
abu farsi,
you seems to have many problems in the philippines, you have many complaints, many reason why you hate it, but you are still there and living your life, your problem has a very simple solution as mentioned by many members here, i suggest you take their suggestions. (only an idiot wouldn’t do it, don’t you agree?)
Abu;
If you truly want to find a person with no BIAS, then you must find someone who can equally dislike everyone and everything. Then you can look to that person and say, “Wow they are unbiased.”
Hi Paul – Good advice to Abu Farsi Paul. He needs it.
Take care!
Hi dans – Good advice to Abu Farsi. He really needs the advice and guidance.
Honestly, his kind of attitudes are one of the problems in this world.
Thank you for your comments. Good to see you here.
Take care!
Abu Farsi – Wow, you had the guts to just comment on my one article? You didn’t even had the chance to read all the columns I wrote here. I really want to say something to you but I will just have to hold it off, I know I care more to a lot of our readers here than you. To be honest I hope that this world don’t have(not a lot) people the same outlook as you do.
By the way I have a name my name is FEYMA. I’m pretty sure some people all over the world know who I am, not just a poster. Don’t you think?
Good luck to you and please keep your bitterness to yourself. We don’t need it. Thank you.
Hi Dave – I can’t argue with you Dave. You’ve been living here for a long time too. We’ve seen lots of expats behaving like this.
Thank you for sharing some of your experiences living here. I really appreciate your comments here. As always really good to see you here.
Take care!
You sound like Adam Carolla.
Hi Jun – Sounds like it.
Abu,
If you think that way of the people, and are as unhappy as you seem to be, maybe you should simply leave. The airplanes run both ways.
Hi Mike – Can’t agree you more on that Mike.
Take care!
rude is rude no matter how you put it! If someone kicked my car or pushed one of my family, I think we would definitely have words if not something more serious. Bias is a foreigner always thinking that people should change to fit their ideas. I am a foreigner and don’t like everything about living here, but the good far outweighs the bad. I’m like McDo’s “I’m loving it”.
Hi Abu Farsi – The only thing I can say to you right now PLEASE READ ALL MY POST(articles) HERE. Let me know after you read all of them.
Mmmm…your post goes beyond feeling frustrated by how people act, behave here. (I’m here in northern Phil at the moment.) So why do you live here? I’ve experienced frustrating things in other countries out of ignorance, or just the way things are (that dont suit me). Hell, live and let live or just find another paradise. Alex
p.s. My comment was meant for Abu Farsi. This one stirred a hornet’s nest. Alex
Feyma,
Have you ever heard the saying, “Don’t get mad get even!” This old man needs to be taught a lesson or else he will continue being a jerk.
Hi Don – I hope he will know soon that he should not behave that way. He could be deported. I hope it won’t come to that. He really needs to calm down.
Nice to see you here. Thank you for your comment.
Take care!
Hi Feyma,
Wow. I have heard of road rage before but this is a first for parking lot rage. Juramie and I took a Yellow Cab from the Manila airport last November. The driver was very aggresive. I couldn’t help to think of people reactions if he was driving in the USA.
I am glad you shared this article. I wish this would have an impact on bad behavior by some western men. I was never in a rush when I was visiting the Philippines. If someone jumped in front of me in line, I would just smile at them and wait my turn. It is crazy to let it ruin your day.
Western people are always being compared. I enjoy meeting friends and family in Leyte so the impressions that I will leave behind are much different from someone who never talks or is friendly. I have seen some very animated conversations from daily interactions with each other. I watched Juramie telling friends how I helped wash the dishes and sweep outside in the morning. When she is home in Tagbubunga, she has the speaker phone on and I hear friends talking about some of the things we did together last year. I hope that her friends will have a different impression of a western man because of positive interactions with me.
Hi Jack – Thats new now parking lot rage. Honestly people should be aware right now here in the Philippines, on the news early this year a road rage incident happened last year and someone was killed. The victim was shot by the other driver. The supposed accused in jail right now waiting for his day in court.
I’m glad that you had the patience with you visiting here. It’s not easy to adjust here. Good that you left with good impressions to the people you knew in Leyte. They will never forget that. Thats going to be the talk of the town there. Good for you.
As always Jack nice seeing you here. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Take care!
“Gosh I saw some of these kinds of foreigners here. The one that I witnessed at the immigration a year or so ago really open up my eyes. I just hope that at the end these people will not be in big trouble here because they get mad easy. Hopefully lots of people still have the patience to have them here. Good luck to them.”
Actually, I don’t wish these people any luck at all. They are what we call jerks (actually, there several other, more appropriate names for them, but I’m keeping it clean).
Yes, these are the losers that come to the Philippines and other Asian countries. And there are a LOT of them. They have serious character and personality disorders and they go to other countries because they are so obnoxious, they are shunned by people in their own countries. They live off the good will of people who think, because they are foreigners, they are like some other good foreigners that they have met or been told about. So, they undo all of the good-will built up (often over decades) by good foreigners who really do love the Philippines and it’s people.
These people are despicable and should be treated with the contempt they deserve. Because, if you are a foreigner and you see another behaving like this and you don’t speak up…then what they are doing reflects on you.
I’d say a fair number of Americans I run into when I’m out & about and have casual conversations with come across as though they are escaping troubled lives back home. Unfortunately it seems some are building trouble for themselves here too.
The worst I’ve seen is an American who lived in the same apartment building as a friend of ours. This guy is unbelievable – roudy drunk, skipped out of the apartment owing back rent and utilities, but the worst is verbally and physically abusive to his wife. Rose informed immigration and they said the complaint would have to come from his wife.
hi again well this has caused some fur to fly ,i am in agreance with the likes of dave star , when iwas last there i stayed at a really nice pension housewith a resteraunt and bar ,every night the ex pats would come there and drink on into the night one fellow who will remain nameless bagged the crap out of the phillipinos in front of bar staff and managers and other tourists like me who was dating my wife at the time , i got so pissed with it i complained to the manager /owner about it to tell him to tone it down ,another couple actually left and stayed somewhere else, look maybe idont live there maybe there are things that piss you of there ,we have road rage ,phone rage ,computer rage i thought the phillipines or the p[art i saw was really nice the city was vibrant even at night the people friendly ,so someone jumps the queu who cares it is like the idiot in traffic speeds past you at breakneck speed ,the thing is you are sitting next to him at the next set of lights what did it acheive NOTHING! REMEMBER THIS IS THERE COUNTRY NOT YOURS foreighners /expats should be mindfull of this, these people allow you to stay there in there country i am sure that if you treat them nicely the same will apply
chris
Hello Feyma!
I have arrived in Cebu once again and I already saw my share of “foreign moments”. I think what the problem is that many visitors or expats believe they are still home. You can make the Philippines your home, but you cannot forget that you are a guest in the country and should have enough common sense/respect towards your new countrymen. For example, you mentioned the old man yelling at the cashier…it actually happened today when my wife (dragged me) to KFC. I didn’t say anything and I kinda of regret of not saying anything also…Cebu is my second home and never would I raise my voice or such nonsense unless it was something very serious!!
Remember we chose to come to our own paradise, so lets not make it like or hell back home 🙂
My 2 cents and enjoying my sunburns, hehe.
I think you bring up a very good point feyma and I think one of the main reasons this type of thing goes on maybe has something to do with the westerner’s approach to stress and another factor also creeps in,I have seen it quite often while I have visited PIs mot all but certainly a good few western expats have a view of talking about filipinos as though they need to be educated in life in some way! what we have to see is that it is there way right or wrong “their house their rules”. you can see it quite often in the malls and other main areas very few westerner’s freely chat or say “hi”. maybe it is just me but i love it when a filipino shouts “hey joe” i often jokingly respond with “hey carlo” ” how you doing” it almost instantly strikes up a friendship, so often i see other westerners just put there head down and walk on with no comment, a few months later they wonder why the filipinos dont really talk to them? ok I will cede the point that some will ignore because of the ” give me money ” thing but even on that I have often had to say “sorry i havent got any” and I havent been joking when i said it neither. the one thing I am always told is hey dave your different to the others you speak with us not at us. So from someone who is only at present a visitor to the phils i can see that there are predjudices being carried by some, maybe those people dont see them as predjudices but when you hear locals saying things like that then you can start to imagine why this type of problem comes about!
So I guess what I am trying to say is chill out people this is not the stressed up country you was living in before mistakes and conformation are not the be all and end all of the philippines.
the other point is no matter how forward or backward the phils seems your the one choosing to live there, so leave your piece of the west in the west.
Dave
He kicked a car? What the heck? Who does that?
Okay, I really don’t get the attitudes of foreigners in Phils. I wonder if northerners are more ’emotionally reactive’ or ‘rude’ when it comes to certain demands. Me and my mom felt that way to some northerners we met. Southerners can be rude in their own way though.
Although my blog last week (Are you and average joe) was to combat the stereotypes I recieved from Filipinos, the combatting is happening because I don’t wanna be seen as foreigners like those. I don’t like associating with ’em. I talked to some foreigners here, and I got angry cause they just drink and cuss and say perverted things that made me uncomfortable. It was like talking to a young teen who just went through puberty or something. Many foreigners I seen comment on other sites of exat-Philippines stuff seem like grumpy old me. Here, I am curious, but, I am too fearful to approach and talk to old men here. Back home they seem nice. Here I just don’t like what I seen from foreigners I talked to.
Jawz,
I am surprised that so many foreigners here will not even speak to me. I am from the south also and people there always speak, here they just walk by and don’t acknowledge my existence. Maybe they are like some others on here and just think I will complain or talk rude about the Philippines. I love the people and the culture. Sometimes I wish things would speed up a bit when I am waiting and I see 4 employees talking and not caring about their jobs or their customers, but that is their way, nothing I will do is going to change that. My parents taught me to give respect so then I can receive it. Most of the “grouchy old men” I meet here are from the northeast US or from Europe, but then there are good and bad everywhere. I like to get to know someone before I make a judgment or make any comments that they might take as offensive. oh by the way I fit several of your average Joe examples, but then I am different also.
Honestly it is fear. Like the ones I met who were perverted. I hated to hear what they were saying, and, I disagreed with them. But I always try to smile and be nice. But it feels so fake to me, and I get uncomfortable, so I dunno what to do in those situations.
Other times, I am afraid to annoy people or bother them. Being yelled at scares the heck outta me, and makes me feel bad about myself as if I did wrong (I got this blame-myself-mentality if its not affiliated by strong opinion.)
Foreigners bashing foreigners, or foreigners bashing host nationals. It’s all just a large waste of time and effort. One complaint was driving, learn to drive the same way or keep the car in the driveway, in your country visitors must learn to drive your way. Rude people, just live with it, as they’re not going away. But ask yourself this question: Does that person affect my life, does that person pay my bills or improve your life. If the answer is no, than walk away it’s not worth your time. I have met rude everywhere on Earth, yes even rude people here in paradise! I’ll say it again for the 100th time. If you don’t like it, the airport is right where you left it. And now Dave will give you a free ride. Finial note; Yes this country is flawed, but then the one you left was flawed also, or you’d still be there. Have a great Philippines day!!!
Yep, Paul you are absolutely correct. Live and let live. It’s not worth the aggravation
“Bows” to your response Paul! Same stuff happens everywhere around the world. We just have to live with it or dig a hole like my dog in the back yard to hide from me, hahaha.
“Foreigners bashing foreigners, or foreigners bashing host nationals. It’s all just a large waste of time and effort. ”
Meh, not so much. The foreigners that Feyma is referring to are ‘special’. There are a lot of them too. I met quite a few of them when I was here…an uncomfortable number, to be honest They stand out like a sore thumb. You usually don’t have to even talk to them to realize it…the contempt is written on their face and in their actions.
If you do get the opportunity to hear about their lives in their home country, you usually realize that they are losers there as well. They had to go somewhere else to be accepted and they are screwing that up as well. There are no excuses and their bad behavior does reflect on you and me and any other westerner.
Paul, you aren’t the type Feyma is talking about. You don’t berate people the way Feyma is describing. You are a gentleman. Just be aware that there are many foreigners here that don’t behave as well as you do.
R.C.
Thank you for the kind words, and I am in agreement with your other comments. A few times I explained to the “Ugly Visitor” that I had no time to hear them berate their hosts.
I’ll use an analogy I’ve used in the past. Visiting someone’s country is akin to visiting their home. You may sit where you like, enjoy what is offered, but you have no right to re-arrange their furniture. We are and always will be a guest in the Philippines, and must act accordingly. I choose to live here,, no one forced me too.
Hi Paul – Sometimes simple logic is the most accurate and the most effective. I love it!
Thank You Bob;
Simple is the best way for me! I’m a charter member of the K.I.S.S. Principle.
Really Paul? What if the furniture is horribly arranged? What if the house owner themselves are not comfortable in their own furniture?
🙂 I have my respect for you, Paul. You always come up with funny yet very insightful thoughts. I think I always neglect to tell you this.
Roy;
Thank you!!!
Hi Feyma…
This is a very interesting thread, and your thoughts on some of the foreigners who visit and live there truly echo some of my observations I have had when I have visited.
One of the comments I have heard when in the Philippines…’ Sir Greg you are different from many of the foreigners I have met”.
When I hear that I always ask in what way am I different? Then I hear of the same kind of behavior you spoke about. I can only apologize for their actions and to let them know we are not all the same.
I have also seen foreigners ahead of me in a line acting out over trivial things. I would imagine they would be that way where ever they are. I can only say that I try to respect the people and that if I treat them well, I in return will be treated well. I t doesnt always work, but for the most part it works well for me.
Why these people act this way as a guest is beyond me. But I will do my part to be respectful of your culture and people, and If I get to the point these people get to…..just shoot me!!!!
Kidding aside…..I choose to have my cup half full….not half empty, and I would think their cups are half empty. Looking at life through their eyes is not something I want to do.
I apologize for their actions to you and your niece, and hope you have a great day!!!!
Amping,
Greg
Peace!!!
Abu Farsi, Feyma and Bob also have columns or stories about bad stuff in the philippines. I do not believe that Feyma is bias. The is no perfect place in this world. Feyma was just telling us of an event that she witnessed on that day.
You need to loosen up, relax, enjoy life, maybe drink san miguel beer and count your blessings before you start pointing fingers.
what a topic, like opening a can of worms, i have lived in phil now for two years.i am from the uk where standing in line is a way of life, and even if you tried to jump the queue, you would be politely told, to return to your place, by the person serving, so living in a country, where queue jumping is a way of life, was very hard to deal with, i consider myself, to be a calm patient man for ninety percent of the time, but as foriegners like everyone else we are only human now i can not condone anyone kicking a car, the man was lucky there are over one million unlicensed guns in davao, and i agree that there are foriegners here who should not be here, and in time i have distanced myself from them, but should we have a viewpoint, should we be allowed to complain, the answer must be yes, but its the way you complain, i have had many philippino friends in uk and worked with them for over thirty years, but their character abroad is to keep a low profile, yes sir, no sir, more or less as they are here can we or should we, try and change the philippines, doubt it even if we tried, but we can try and fit in, and become part of it.
It seen that the foreigners that act the way are the ones that have been living there for a long time, ret. military. Not all of them of course, im ret.military myself. I observed a satuation like that in a airline travel agency a while back.He was mad because he couldnt get a flight that day and was giving the girls a hard time, I was the only american there exept him and he was embarissing.because I like to treat people the way I want to be treated.
“I am writing this article to have awareness on every foreigner that comes here.” Feyma
Is this or is this not a warning to “foreigners”? Did you check the Passport of those you were talking about? No? So the only way you knew that they were indeed “foreigners” was that they were Caucasian. Did you or have you made a post of misbehavior of “foreigners” of Filipino decent? I seemed to have missed if you did.
I knew that your post was not about rudeness as you failed to mention rudeness that is part of everyday life here. (why I included rude incidents in my first post and I have been slammed for so doing)
I knew it was not about visitors either, because you have not mentioned those who came from Manila for example to Davao and had “moments of frustration”. ( in any of your posts ).
So, I deduced that you felt that Caucasians here have an obligation to act to a higher standard. There are many very ugly words to describe this thinking, but I will just use “white skin bias”.
Bigotry is everyplace in the Philippines. Racism, is not even challenged or thought bad here. It is common to have a person remark that that person is of such and such tribe, he is of Chinese decent, Moreano, and then make a comment about the stereotype of “those people”. Children screaming “hi joe, give me money joe, give me one job joe, is thought cute. It is part of the place and I just mostly ignore people with that thinking.
This web site is set up for “foreigners” not locals “livinginthephilippines”. Those who post here should be posting with information/viewpoints reflecting enhanced understanding of what it is to be living in 2 worlds. You are the wife of the guy who set up this web page, to answer a need he thought was poorly addressed, and as such, you should have even greater sensitivity than, say, a guy who has been here his first 21 days.
I personally, am really tired of disappointing people who thought I did not live up to my white skin stereotype. I am so tired of meeting people and; having them list people they know in the US; assume I am rich; assume that my wife married me for money (and then look down on her for doing it); Assume that I will never come back when I go “home”; this is a long list. It is such a waste of time and usually remains a barrier to honest empathy with those with witch we are speaking, unfortunately, forever.
Am I really the only person here who is tired of it?
I thought for, YOU, to jump on that bandwagon, HERE, seemed inappropriate. Insensitive at best. And, I tried to point that out to you.
My post was not intended to insult or offend you, but, to let you see the world from my eyes. If you felt offended, then, I apologize. I have a writing style that is aggressive and blunt. It is easy to assume that I am angry when I am only trying to be direct and clear.
“Abu Farsi – Wow, you had the guts to just comment on my one article?” Feyma
Why should it take guts to comment on your article or any article? Is there a hidden agenda here that you are not posting and I am the only guy who “does not get it”?
Abu Farsi – You have internal issues that you need to resolve. Serious issues. Unhappiness will eat you alive.
You know, about a year and a half ago, Feyma was viciously attacked by a reader, because according to the reader, Feyma was anti-Filipino. Now, you are attacking Feyma as an anti-white racist. She can’t win, she is in the middle. Feyma simply posts the truth about situations that she witnesses. It’s not pro-Filipino, it’s not pro-Foreigner, it’s just the truth in her eyes.
Hi again everyone
Abu I dont really know you and from what I have read on your views to this particular issue, I have to agree with bob’s last post I think we can all see that feyma was commenting upon anincident that she witnessed. yes you could be right they could be caucasian philippino’s but if you read the vast majority of replies I think every one assumes them to be of western origin that does not imply that this type of occurence doesnt happen with any other nationalities such as those in the east.I think you should be taking the article into a context that I would imagine feyma was intending and that is informing on the type of behaviour of some and allowing people to reflect upon the actions of such people and the achievement that there action had gained.by taking it personal like you seem to be doing you are making it that people will not make comment on this type of issue with the result being it will escalate all the more. I have read many of feyma’s articles in the past some have been very good and informative others i would say I have disagreed on but I can say that she has never had a biast view to any one particular race. so please without any offence lets stop being narrow minded and take the article for what it is truly meaning to say and that in my opinion is simple no matter what the colour or creed this type of action is not nice not called for and wont be tollerated.
without offence
Dave
Feyma, It is sad that foreign visitors (and many Americans in particular), do not have respect for or try to learn the customs of other countries including the Philippines. I have travelled to and lived in several asian and other countries during my life and having lived and grown up in Hawaii, USA among mostly oriental and pacific islander cultures I know that this is important. It is a sad fact that Most European and several Latin based cultures do not bother respecting others whether in their respective countries or while travelling abroad. Many Americans are of European background and I have observed we often act like the “Ugly American” because we are demanding, impatient, easy to anger and rude. We are so spoiled that we want things NOW and will throw a tantrum if we do not get our way. Many wealthy people I have seen from the US are the biggest offenders. I love my country but many Americans need to get a grip on life and chill out. We need to start acting more mature, being more patient and understanding and be more polite. All to often I have seen the examples you mention first hand and it saddens me. These people do not understand that they are ambassadors representing all Americans so whatever misdeeds they practice reflects on all Americans and the few who are kind, polite and patient like myself are looked on with suspicion and have it that much harder when seeking service because of the numbskulls who precedded us and left a bad example to their hosts. I actually had a chinese woman tell me after reluctantly providing service to me that I must be from another part of America because I was not rude or demanding like several Americans before me she had the misfortune to encounter. I try to represent all that is great about the US. I just wish others will too. THanks for your time and sorry you had to witness these bad apples. Regards, Rick.
P.S. I am considering moving to Philippines to retire and would appreciate advice including what to expect and best places to live on a small income. My email is [email protected]
Maybe I can resolve some of the differences that have emerged in some of the comments on Feyma’s article. My reading of the point of Feyma’s article is that if we, as foreigners, act like the foreign men in her examples, there’s a good chance that someday we will get our clock cleaned – either by being punched or by being arrested. My wife is the mildest, most low-keyed, politest person you will ever meet. When I showed her this article and the responses, however, she said that if she had been the Filipinos involved, she would have either gone to the police directly or gone to a security guard to have him call the police. And we all know what would have happened then. Hence to act in these ways is, as Feyma wrote, stupid on a very practical basis: if we act this way, we are cruising for a bruising. VERY useful advice. So thank you Feyma.
Feyma picked extreme examples for her article. Let me give you one that is less extreme. Awhile ago, I was waiting in a “line” to check in at an airport at a provincial capital. A Filipino pushed in front of me. I said to him in a mild, calm voice, “Please excuse me sir. But there is a line here.” Suddenly I had a VERY angry Filipino poking me in the chest with his umbrella and yelling at me to get out of his country. I had thought him wrong because he had violated a rule of polite behavior, “Stand in line; first come first served” and felt it ok to correct him. He was angry with me since he thought I was wrong for having violated a rule of polite behavior here in the Philippines by having corrected (shamed) him in public and having put myself above him by pointing out that his behavior was incorrect. (I have had the same reaction many times on boarding a plane when I have asked a passenger in back of me not to push to get by me.) So, Feyma, even if the man in the parking lot had just said, “Excuse me, but when you pulled out you almost hit me”, or the man in the coffee shop (if the Filipina had not been your niece), had said, “Excuse me miss, I am waiting to pay”, there might well have been a confrontation.
So to react correctly (or better, not reacting at all) is often difficult since the feelings of “rudeness” and “politeness” have been built into all of us when we were impressionable kids by our parents and teachers. They are “natural” and universal – we think – and we feel strongly when they are violated. These situations arise ALL THE TIME, MANY TIMES EVERY DAY: we think that Filipinos are being intolerably rude in their actions (no matter how innocuous they may seem to them); and they think we are being intolerably rude in our reactions (no matter how mild and polite we think we are). So, after the tenth time in one day that some Filipino jostles by me; cuts in front of me; and then stops (so that to avoid crashing into him I have to literally go up on my toes in order to brake), I stop “sucking it up” (as one commenter suggested) and I say to him, “Get out of my way, stupid” and there is WW II.
To the extent that my analysis is correct, it has several implications for us all:
1. Remember that what Filipinos “hear” may be very different from what we say. If we try to correct their behavior, no matter how politely (we think), they “hear” you saying: a. you are stupid (since you have done something wrong) and b. I, the unknown foreigner, am above you (since Filipinos will only correct someone below him in a hierarchy).
2. As you “suck it up” again and again, guard against the “straw that broke the camel’s back” phenomenon, when suddenly you find yourself reacting disproportionately and inappropriately.
3. To Abu Farsi (and others), do not think that by correcting Filipino behavior (no matter how politely) you will change how they act. You may think they are wrong and, worse, dysfunctional, but their behavior will NEVER change (any more than yours would if you were corrected by a Japanese, for example). At best you are wasting your time and at worst you are on an ego trip, and one that can easily get you into trouble. As my wife says, “That’s just the way it is. Nothing to do.”
Hi guys back again ,i have been reading the posts on this subject and i must say abu farsi that it appears that there is a lot of negativity within your posts ,look dont get me wrong as i still cant work out if you are a phillipino or an american or another expat ,i dont beleive that fema was being rascist or negative to foreighners or pro philipino i beleive that what she was trying to explain was the disgrasfull behavior of a senior citizen who may or maynot have been a foreign tourist or expat living in the philipines , we dont know what his issues are maybe he beleives white is right and all else are wrong maybe he doesnt like girls or maybe he jsut thinks he is a tough guy showing that no one pushes in frontt of me in a queue all i know is that if any man touches my wife or duaghter for any reason in that manner the repercussions of such actions will be very negative on there behalf ,now getting back to your posts it seems that a lot of people here are either misunderstanding you or you are not expressing yourself correctly maybe it would pay to write down your thoughts first then read them and make any changes or adjustments that may upset or put you in a bad light to other readers on this forum , i must admit this is an open forum within bounderys and free speach is what i think the editor wants, to stimulate ideas and opinions about topics raised but we must think before we write our comments constructive criticism is a good thing it helps however bagging does not and for the editor to become involved in another post other than his own says that you are definetily on the wrong track somwhere anyhow i hope that maybe my suggestion may help you to put your point of veiw across more effectivly and not raise the hackles of other forum readers
regards boatcrazy
WOW! I have read the article & comments made. I’m new at reading blogs & making comments back. Interesting reading stuff! I guess these things “can happen” to people, anywhere! RUDENESS is NO GOOD of course! A lot of comments I have read are excellent and seemed to come from intelligent people. I’m Filipino living in U.S. and I’m glad to learn that citizens from another country actually choose to live in the Philippines! Of course, it’s NOT ALWAYS easy! I hope that we reflect from all that was said here and have learned something intelligent. Thanks! :0)
I have visited the Philippines many many time and am moving there with my wife and kids in September of this year. This is one of the things I am trying to get away from lol. Rude people are abound in the US (where im from) and I find the people in the philippines for the most part very nice.
I would never dream of being that rude to people there so it makes me feel bad when I see this sort of thing happen. But on the other hand I have seen Philippino’s do the same thing. (mostly Rich/famous ones)
I dont understand why people can go to another country and act like a fool. I guess people are the same everywhere you go,,, My brother in law (Korean) is this way to a lot of his Filipino employees, it makes me sick.
I guess you just cant get away from this sort of thing no matter where you go.
hi fema also bob long time no see. ive been doing a lot of traviling just to keep employed theas days. pero fema u are rite i also have saw to meny americans in the philippines that think they are better than every one els. they are mostly inches away from death in most cases though. i think every philippino that see,s a bad kano should report them rite away and dont put up with there __hit. thats only my opinion . but if any american can hear or see this tex and if u dont treat your wife or girl with good intentions then i feel sorry for you. thanks again fema and bob. good job with all that you have done and are doing . jerry
Jerry- if an american wrote this post about filipinas and the bad things that some of them do there would be an outrage ! Racism and age discrimination go both ways .
You should also be aware that not all caucasians are American. You say you have been doing a lot of travelling- try expanding your mind when you do so . I think you will find that not everything is as black and white as you think it is. I guarantee that if you do you will find a lot more happiness in your life.
sorry if i offended anyone i was just trying to protect philippinos in there home land.ian i see your point in diffrent areas.
Jerry- I have no problem at all with people who complaint about people who disrespect or abuse others. [ whether they be foreigners or filipinos- EVERYONE deserves respect. ] I think that is commendable . My complaint was first that you put all the blame on americans, when in fact i see lots of arrogance and disrespect of females in the Philippines being committed by guys who are not americans ! [ and just so you know i am not american ! lol]
I also complained because of you remark about ‘”guys who are inches away from death” and that is having an attitude about certain people because they are old ! haha Just remember, one day your parents, and you, and even your children will be old. And old people deserve just as much respect as young people. Just as poor people deserve just as much respect as rich people. And to me that respect is due the same amount everywhere in the world- not just in different areas
I appreciate your saying sorry, even tho I was not offended myself- I just feel that everyone of us has the duty to protect others who are less capable of defending themselves than we are.
thanks Ian , i respect all that you have said. my comments didnt have anything to do with being old. i should have used another term. I am getting older myself.
Hello everyone! This is my very first input in this website. All I can say is that I enjoy reading all the items being submitted here. I must say that we all should be grateful to Bob and Feyma for having this website and for letting folks express themselves.
I am originally from Cotabato City myself, left that province way back in 1965 to join the great U.S. Navy at Sangley Point, Cavite, and retired in 1991. I am now a U.S. citizen residing here in Virginia with my beautiful and darling wife, a pure Filipina from Sumilom Island, Surigao del Norte. Someday, my wife and i will go back to Pinas and retire there. I love the USA for i owe her a lot, and i consider the USA my first love and Pinas my second love.
Take care Bob and you, too, Feyma.
You are right Gerry Boy welcome to the this website……Are there any Surigaonons here?
Kamusta na kamo did-on kuman? Ato na kini, hehehe.
Thank you Gerry Boy – I’m glad that you enjoy our site.
Hello everyone! This is my first time to appear here in the website. I would just say that I am glad we are allowed to express ourselves in this website whether good or bad that may have affected our interactions with other people.
By the way, i am originally from Cotabato City who left that province a mighty long time ago in 1965 to join the great U.S. Navy at Sangley Point, Cavite. I retired in 1991. Oh folks, i met my present beautiful and darling wife in 2002 from Sumilom Island, Surigao del Norte.
We plan to go home to the Philippines someday and find us our own little paradise and retire there.
Thanks Bob and Feyma for your very interesting website. Take care! More power to both of you!
Treating Filipinos with respect is a must. They always treat me with respect, and I will do likewise. Any foreigner who does not should be immediately deported.