Live in the Philippines

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I Be A Plummer

Repairs / by

I mean how just hard it can be, every unemployed guy on my street tells me that he’s a Plummer, and then borrows my two pipe wrenches.  My father, who was a construction engineer, had to hold many trade licensees, electrician, carpentry, and plumbing plus some others. He told me the plumbers’ creed when I was young, and with this knowledge, I can’t fail.

Water freezes at 32 degrees, turds won’t flow uphill

Hot’s on the left, colds on the right, paydays are on Friday.

I now be a Plummer!

I’ve been stuck at home because of all the rain last few months, and decided to undo all the harm my fellow local unemployed plumbers have caused with their damn Buka-Seal over the years. And you thought I just drank beer all day. So, off I go on my quest, to my upstairs bathroom and remove the tank from the base. (Yes, I shut off the water) First I undid the water feed and the two bolts, simple you’d think, but now the Buka-seal rears its ugly head, the bolts were covered with it and they replaced the connecting donut gasket with that damnable stuff. Rock the tank to the left, then to the right and after ten minutes it comes loose. Have you ever tried to clean Buka-seal off of porcelain?

Off to Handyman Hardware in San Fernando, and purchase all that’s required to bring my crapper in to the New Millennium, nine years late, and the only place on Earth that still is affected by the Y2K bug, as the local parts are pure (pardon the pun) crap. Brand new flush-o-meters, new bolts and gaskets imported from Europe were purchased and now I’m on the way home, to tilt my lance at windmills.

Then I reassemble and installed all the new parts (with no Buka-seal), and just a little Teflon tape. I turned the valve and its flowing water with no leaks! Ok, I’m not being 100% honest about that, but nothing that a wrench couldn’t fix. At the Non-union Hall down the road, there was total disbelief over the fact that their Bulk-seal could be replaced with gaskets!

Please don’t tell the Non-Union boss I’m doing this, as I’ve got two more to do, and then the sinks. I will soon be living in a “Buka-seal Free Zone.” I know you’re wondering if my base (commode) is still cemented to the floor. Well, yes, (the why of it is something I just don’t understand) after all I have my limits, but no plummers crack!

Two months have passed since I started my quest, three bathrooms, done, one kitchen sink, done, Buka-Seal banned for life, commodes are still cemented to the floor, me, I’m still wondering why did they do that?.

Now in closing, one last thing I need to know. Were the people who named my crapper “Royal Tern” having fun with me or just couldn’t spell? So remember, we choose to live here, and toilets are very, very important!

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Comments

  1. Good morning, Paul- Remember the story about why there are no toilet seats in many public CRs in the Philippines? The explanation was, people are stealing them. This is where Filipino ingenuity comes in. Filipino plumbers came upon the idea that maybe they should cement commodes to the floor, that way they don’t get stolen. Brilliant!

  2. Paul u hit on my favorite pet pee. You would think that some company would perfect the way a “throne” is mounted to the floor, being in the property mngt. field where leaky closets are a constant maintanance issue, I am baffled why to this day there is not a better system to hold the toilet to the floor. A three point attachment system sure would make a huge differnce.

  4. Hey Paul, if all the toilets were good and nothing broke down or leaked and the water ran hard and you never had a brown out, and all of the moons were lined up, what and the world would you write about?? Do what I do. Take one day at a time. Life is good and if I lived where you live, life would be GREAT………Have a agood day my friend………………..JC

    • J.C.

      All my days are great, as I do live here! Would I be better to gloss over the little annoyances? How about the guy living in Podunk Somewhere, who moves here and then finds out that these things do happen to him? Since I point out the humor in each situation, and explained that it’s just part of life, and to laugh at it is better than anger maybe that would explain my BIO above. “Tongue in Cheek” or was that part missed?

  5. wE HAD AN ADVERT IN A PAPER HERE IN jOHANNESBURG MAMY YEARS AGO IT WAS AN ADVERT FOR A PLUMBING COMPANY. THE ADVERT WENT.
    PATEL AND PATEL PLUMBERS YOU HAVE TRIED THE COWBOYS NOW TRY THE INDIANS.
    AS A DIRECTOR OF A LARGE MANUFACTURE OF PLUMBERS BRASS WARE THIS ADVERT HAS ALWAYS STUCK IN MY MIND. HOW IS THE BEER DRINKING GOING.

    • Frank;
      Since I know that beer is a staple item on the food chart, I will say, “It’s going well!”

  6. Hi Paul – Now you’ve crossed the line! No, I don’t mean the non-union plummer’s line in order to do your “plummin’.” I’m talking about that hair-fine line that separates the non-union plummers from the non-union “‘lectricians.”

    Your “inappropriate” use of Teflon tape for “plummin'” just hacked off the hundreds of non-union ‘lectricians who use that viable substitute for the more expensive and less available electrician’s tape. (Of course, the availability of Teflon tape in a color other than black – a problem electrician’s tape willingly suffers – brings out the “artist” in ‘lectricians.

    Best offer a settlement to grievences before the non-union ‘lectricians walk out and stop refilling broken kano appliances with new “magic smoke.” 😉

    • Hi Paul;
      As I write, there are 10 guys from Local 52, of the Unemployed Handyman Union, marching in front of my house in protest over my besmirching of Buka-Seal. They would not come to the table to negotiate until I ordered that case of Red Horse. It’s settled now!

    • John & Tyleen;
      If you watch one Pac Man fight here on local TV, after the 50th commercial, you would have a good idea what it is, it’s used to seal pipes, holes in your roof, your cars cooling system, pot holes in the road, flat tires, cell phones, Vets use it to treat wounds, and yes it’s a local product.

  10. @john and Tyleen.

    Vulcaseal is an elastomeric, solvent-release temperature curing sealant. It is best used for sealing, patching and filling of leaks, cracks, holes and gaps. In its cured state, it is transformed into a tough, elastomeric material which allows for reasonable motion or movement of connected elements without cracking or losing adhesion. VULCASEAL is a polychloroprene rubber-based sealant, a kind that is peculiar only in the Philippines

  12. I always thought they cemented the commode to the floor because it was too expansive to buy a wax seal for the connection. Wax seal has a good deal of beeswax in it and that’s not cheap here in the PI. Course I could just be blowing smoke with this one.