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Naked and looking like a Sasquatch: Musings on body hair

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When I first started writing on LiP, I wrote about going to the barber here. I go to Newsbarbers, at Ever Gotesco, and a haircut costs around 100 pesos, including tip. Yes, there are cheaper barbers, but Newsbarbers does a nice job, no wait, and quick: In and Out. Barbers here also have no problem trimming eyebrows or digging out ear or nose hairs. Good old fashioned service. No saloon crap. Just cut my hair!

So, I’m sitting there getting a haircut, and the barber says, “too much white…” while holding up a shock of my hair. I look in the mirror, and think, “OK, I’m getting f’***ing old”. So, he says, “I’ll put colors in there for you.” Uhhhhhhhh…… No.

Throwaway Ticket Service - The Business that works while you sleep

I vividly remember my father trying to color his hair. Either it ended up looking like there was a dead weasel on his head, or it came out some weird color, like purple or funky brown. Or, the time he was sweating and the color ran down the back of his shirt.

I’d rather stay gray. I’ll console myself in the fact that I haven’t gone bald, though a Telly Savalas look could be cool… Though I think a sunburned bald head might sting a bit. Had that during my Army years. At least I would never consider a toupee… Speaking of which, I have a suspicion that Willie Revillame wears one. Not sure, but this could make an interesting LiP poll… vote now!

Does Willie Revillame wear a toupee?

Anyway, I digress. Americans seem to have a fascination with body hair. Or lack thereof. I remember talking to my ex-wife when she got back from the tanning saloon. She said, I got a “Telly Savalas”!

Hmmm… “OK, what’s that?”, I ask.

“You know, a Brazilian”, she said.

I just sat there with a stupid look on my face.

She said, “No more carpet!”, pointing down South. “I no longer have to worry about the carpet matching the drapes!”

Ooooohhhhhhh….

I’ve noticed that most Filipinos are not really hairy. Hell, Rebecca shaves her legs with a pair of tweezers. With my Italian heritage, I come from a rather hairy lot. I don’t look like a Sasquatch, like this guy, but a little Nair would never hurt. When I first started traveling around Asia, I noticed that Asian women were fascinated with chest hair. Why? Most Asian men don’t have much, if any. Many years ago, my ex-wife bought this gadget that was supposed to be used for women to remove hair from their legs. It looked like some form of sadistic torture device, with a big spring on a curling iron thing that buzzed and yanked the hair out by its’ roots. One day, I was being my normal, exceedingly charming self when she got angry and put that thing on my chest hair. Naturally, it got stuck in that device, ripping out a big wad, looking something like a birds nest.

Hurt worse than a kick to the cajones.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was on the receiving end of tampo again (One of these days I’ll learn to keep my mouth shut), so, I figured that I wasn’t seeing any customers, things were cold at home, so… Why bother shaving. After tampo was over, I had a decent beard going, and I sort of liked it. Then… It started.

So, I look in the mirror, rather enjoying the minor aggravation I was causing, and, much to my horror, the damn beard was gray, too… Just like my head. I said, “When did that happen?”

I was told, under the sweetest post-tampo voice possible, “That’s not the only place they are grey!”

I am now clean shaven and hair-free…

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JohnM

John Miele is a Citizen of the World, having spent time in many locations around the globe. Currently, he finds himself in Manila, but travels throughout the Philippines. John joined the Live in the Philippines Web Magazine in mid-2008.

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Dan
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Dan

Woaaaaaaa..almost 2 Tampos going there John.Sounds like it all worked out ok….Maybe you instagate a little Tampo some times there for the sweet post tampo sweeeeeeet nothings in your ear?

John Miele
Guest
John Miele

Dan: Yeah, I seem to have a knack for bringing on tampo… Minor transgressions, but still….

Mindanao Bob
Guest

Hi Paul – The issue of the way that Vets are treated with regard to health care and other Vet issues is a national embarrassment.

Personally, I'd rather enjoy life in Davao that get three squares and bed in a US jail, though! 😉

Jody
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Jody

I always enjoy your posts Paul. It seems to me to be much ado about very little. The odds of the US Government fining expats in the Philippines for having no insurance are very remote. These guys are unable to catch people like the esteemed Mr.Madoff living on Park Avenue in full view, never mind trying to catch fellow citizens living in places like Mindinao, Luzon and Namibia. I know there is one New Yorker in Namibia that they would like to fine and possible jail for tax evasion and so far——huge sigh—–according to the Daily News—-no luck.LOL Mind you… Read more »

ProfDon
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ProfDon

My roommate at Stanford, Jim Holtz, a fellow physics major, went on to get a PhD in physics at Cal Berkley with a thesis about lasers (I made the right decision while I was in the PhD program in astrophysics at Columbia that I was nowhere near samrt enough to compete in that league.) Then worked with lasers at MIT’s Lincoln Labs and then with Edward Teller at Lawrence Livermore Labs in the East Bay on using lasers for sustained fusion. Finally Jim started his own company and eventually sold out most of his shares to a large publiclically traded… Read more »

John Miele
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John Miele

Prof Don:

Now, if he had invented fake boobs, then I would be bowing at his feet… such a useful invention!

He was smart. Inventing something that impacts personal appearance always sells well!

Mindanao Bob
Guest

No probs, Tyleen… let's see how it turns out! By the time it's settled, though, you and I will probably be gray and enjoying a beer together somewhere in the Philippines… or already dead! 😉

ProfDon
Guest
ProfDon

Some of us might take umbrage with your remark, “At least I can console myself I haven’t gone bald.” Several years ago my wife gave me a cross-stitched wall hanging: God only made a few perfect heads. the rest he covered with hair.

Mindanao Bob
Guest

Hi Jun – I'm with you 100% on #3. That's really the only decent option for an expat who has no plans to return to the USA.

John Reyes
Guest

Are you a U.S. citizen, Jun? If you are, the concern is over the bill that just passed the House requiring all U.S. citizens to purchase a U.S. based health insurance coverage, or a $15,000 fine, according to Bob. Having the Phil Health Insurance would not exempt you from the U.S. requirement, as it now stands.

Neal in RI
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Neal in RI

ProfDon
The good thing about loosing your hair is its like discovering something new, lumps, scars etc.
Yea right!

John Miele
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John Miele

Neal: 🙂

Mindanao Bob
Guest

Hi Paul – Ha ha… no doubt, my friend! Who said that Politics has to made sense? 😉

PaulK
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PaulK

Hi Paul – Just want to take the time and thank you in advance for funding my incarceration.

(btw, heatlh care provided by the USPHS in prisons is much better and more timely than that provided military retirees! 😯 )

John Miele
Guest
John Miele

Prof Don: Don’t take offense… Sometimes I think bald is better: certainly a lot less hassle!

Mike
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Mike

You tell him, ProfDon! LOL

Neal in RI
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Neal in RI

John
I have one up on you, I have started to develop the “wings” on my head.
You know the balding pattern when you loose the hair on the top middle of you head as the sides continue to grow.
Not shaving for days is a good strategic move when there is a extended dry spell, as when you do shave the rewards are a plenty. Shwing!!

Mindanao Bob
Guest

Hi John – That's exactly right! If Jun is an American citizen, he may have to buy a plan whether he likes it or not!

Jun Trinidad
Guest
Jun Trinidad

Hi John, Yes, I am a U.S. citizen and if this bill also passes the senate the President will sign this into law. Congress and the Senate are not listening to the people that they should be representing. They had all these town hall meetings and yet nobody listened. They are all so focused with their own agenda. Are we going to vote on it? Of course not. Whoever controls Congress and the Senate will have their way. Fair? I don't know the meaning of that word anymore. Taxation without representation. Jailtime – free meals and health care – looking… Read more »

John Miele
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John Miele

Neal: I haven’t gotten wings yet. Wings or no, I’m betting it still looks better than a rug. The problem with toupees is that except for the most expensive (and professionally applied: Like on TV), they always look terrible. I’m just remembering that spray-on hair that Ronco was selling a few years ago… I wonder how much they made from that stuff?

Paul T
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Paul T

Hi John; “My gray hairs are not caused by the miles I’ve traveled, But, to a certain extent, by the stops I made, along the way.” My mustache was the first to go gray in my thirties, and the rest followed soon after. I like the old fashion barber that goes after those wild hairs growing places on my head where years ago were hairless; he trims the stash, hits the bushy eyebrows, and ears and nose, in air conditioned comfort for less than $2.00. Try that in the States. The rest of my gray hair will remain where they… Read more »

Mindanao Bob
Guest

Hi James – Ha ha… well, it's good that I didn't say anything then! The guy might have thought I was crazy!

Good luck on wrapping things up, and making the move!

John Miele
Guest
John Miele

Paul: The barbers here are the true national heroes, that’s for sure! They take pride in their craft!

hudson
Guest
hudson

Ok, maybe the Brazilian thing was TMI. Somethings I just don’t want to know about…Like Janet Reno in a thong bikini…Try to get that thought out of you head.

Ok, but seriously, I’ve been thinking about a toupe’ for my lack of hair also…I worry about it making me too hot….Maybe Telly Savalas had the right idea

John Miele
Guest
John Miele

Hudson:

OK… sorry about the TMI 🙂

Don’t do it! Telly was right. I can’t imagine wearing a rug in the climate here. It has to itch something fierce, and with sweating and everything, I would think that it wouldn’t take too long before it was more trouble than it was worth.

Go natural and feel good!

Jim Hannah
Guest
Jim Hannah

You know, I thought a Brazillian and a Telly Savalas were not the same thing, but maybe I got that wrong. More research required. Personally, I used to cover my little grey bits with a product called Grecian 2000, which didn’t affect the colour of the rest of the hair, but made the grey bits a bit darker. Unfortunately, it got to be that I needed so much of the stuff that I had to buy it in bulk, then eventually could no longer afford it at all, especially since my chest rug started to go white too. In Saudi,… Read more »

John Miele
Guest
John Miele

Jim: Grecian works for a few grays (So I’ve heard), but I think it doesn’t last that long…

I’ll agree with your barber (VERY diplomatic… sounds like a good barber). Men get distinguished, but women getOLD. 🙂 (Just kidding, ladies!)

Mindanao Bob
Guest

Hi John – It's a personal choice. If you think it would suit you, then I suppose it's a great idea! If it's not for you… then it's a terrible idea! Every person is different.

Dave Starr
Guest

Hi John, Thanks for writing. Your question is a good one, but the answer is a whopping "It Depends". You should heed Bob's advice here, and also look at dozens of articles here on LiP, my blog, and many others. In general, for sure you can make your money go farther. A. You have to have income first, you can't come here and expect to just find some. This means you need a steady pension, an online business, or something to give you an assured source. B. More than anything else, you have to want to live in the Philippines.… Read more »

roy
Guest
roy

Hi John, Oprah once declared in her make over episodes that ” hair coloring is the greatest invention; and that nobody should have gray hair for that reason.” I finally succumbed to hair coloring after years of going gray. I still am not comfortable with it (the hair coloring).

Mindanao Bob
Guest

Hi Jody – I think that the Feds can garnish your pension, if the situation is right. And, your wife is certainly right… the Feds are the Feds… they make the rules! 😆

John Miele
Guest
John Miele

Roy:

OK… You are starting to worry me. Watching Oprah????!!!! The makeover episodes????

I think that merely the act of watching Oprah could cause gray… I know… Chicago… hometown… 🙂

Paul T
Guest
Paul T

John;
While transiting from Hong Kong to Manila on one ship, I was on the bridge wing talking to my friend the 1st mate. I asked if the water in Manila Harbor had any special properties, to which he said he didn’t think so, and asked me why.
I pointed out that 30% of our crew were Pinoy, and yesterday they all had gray hair, and as we passed the first buoy their hair was now jet black. It had to be the water.

John Miele
Guest
John Miele

Paul; Funny… I’m certain the look on his face was priceless.

Jawz
Guest
Jawz

HAHAHAHA this article gave me a laugh. I noticed one of my Korean friends, back home, lacked leg hair. And I think my girlfriend doesn’t even shave ’cause none. Me, I got black grass sprouting outta my chest. It is horrifying. And my legs look like a gorilla. Yet, my arms have blond hairs. I get jokes ’bout my arms sparkling like a Twilight vampire. Oh yeah, and my chin is like a plant on speed. Spouts pop up, and funny thing is, is that the mid section is black, the mid-outter of the black is blond, and the sides… Read more »

John Miele
Guest
John Miele

Jawz: Wait until the first time you go way out into the rural areas wearing shorts! My long hair days are long gone. A beard can look cool, though your multi-colored one could be interesting. I used to work with a guy that had black hair, with a natural white stripe down the middle. He had heard every “skunk” comment you could imagine (It was naturally that way… Just the way God made him.)

Paul Thompson
Guest
Paul Thompson

Gary;
I could be wrong, and I am a lot! But I believe your daughter would have to have legally support you before you could qualify for Tri-Care. You would have to be listed as her dependent with the Navy, to enroll. Uncle Sam doesn’t give nothin’ away for free!

Jack
Guest
Jack

Hi John,

Good advice. I haven’t been on the receiving end of Tampo yet. I will remember to grow a beard when it happens. (I probably won’t have a choice since I will be locked out of the bedroom with the bathroom where my shaving stuff is located.)

John Miele
Guest
John Miele

Jack: Might as well!

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