Supporting your spouse’s entire extended family here in the Philippines? This is a question we all must wrestle with while living here, and there is no correct answer. The Philipino has their way of viewing it, and westerners have a completely different point of view. Since I am me and not anyone else (thank the Heavens), I’ll give my point of view, and allow others theirs. (I think that’s fair.) My wife’s family is quite large, as she is one of eight siblings. (They had no television is my only explanation for that.) After we were married, the requests for loans started (Substitute the word gift for loan.) and it became a habit each time I was home from sea. (For those who didn’t know, I was a Merchant Seaman at the time)
Ninety present of the time, on a ship, if a friend comes up and asked to borrow a couple of thousand dollars, without question you hand him the money, it was the same in the Navy, but for far lesser amounts. Within a week or two, or even a month, (If that’s what was agreed too) you’d receive the money back. I also grew up with four brothers and the same rules applied.
After forty plus years of living like that you can imagine my shock, when I found out that, that rule did not apply here in Paradise. I needed a way to enlist my brides help in controlling this “gift” situation, and I wanted to do it in a nice way as to not offend. My wife knew I had a good job, but just not how good a job, as I never told her my salary was over six figures plus a Navy pension. The next time my wife told me we needed this or that for the house, (renting at the time) I’d explain that we would get it in the future as I’d lent that money to whomever. I saw the light glow in her eyes as it dawned on her that she had to do without so they (members of her large family) could spend her money. All future requests were now approved or rejected by the finance committee (My Bride). And very few were approved.
Again this is me, and only my way of dealing with this ongoing situation. I will quickly and gladly help in any medical situation; I have a brother-in-law in Holland, and another in the U.S. of A. who during medical emergencies will reimburse me their fair share. Since I’m the one on site, I provide the up-front money as needed. (Kinda’ like filing a claim with your insurance company.) My brother-in-law In Holland and I take turns with putting the nieces and nephews through collage, and so far seven have their degrees. Notice I didn’t say jobs, just degrees. That’s another story altogether. The U.S. brother-in-law… well that’s also another story, but he’s good about the medical part.
I will not pay for their cell phones or loads, as that is what jobs are for.
I’ve tried to explain to the men in my wife’s family, in-laws and outlaws, my Mango Tree Theory.
There are three types of people, the first being the one who would lie under the mango tree and wait for the fruit to fall, and hope he didn’t fall asleep and miss it, or the second is the man who wants the fruit now and will climb to get it. The third, being the guy who will ask the man who’s climbing the tree, to get one for him. To date the only response I get back is head scratching. The point being if you want something you must work for it. Now that’s a strange concept!
Okay I pay for parties and outings, only because I can, and I receive as much out of it as the family does, and I also have a good time. They help in their own way, with cooking, setting up, toting and cleaning up the next day. This is the side of it that I understand and appreciate.
I did the same thing on the ship’s with friends and with my brothers, just because you don’t have the cash, doesn’t mean you miss the party. And there is no way you can decide who goes and who won’t. Its family after all, and they all go.
Now that’s how I handle living here, I’m open to new suggestions, so log in and give me yours. (This was the serious side of Paul; I’ll try not to let it happen again).
Seriously, Paul, next time you’re up that tree, toss me a mango, would ya? 😯
For some reason, I feel as though I have an itchy scalp. 😆
(btw, Subic TAD coming up in a few weeks.)
Hi Paul;
I asked Dave Starr last week if he knew what TDY stood for, as with most, he didn’t know what it stood for, but of course knew what it was. Now TAD in the Navy was simple “Traveling Around Drunk” on Sam’s dime. Let’s do lunch at my friend’s restaurant on Subic Base. I’ll send you my Cell Number by e-mail..
Paul, seven degrees and no jobs? What gives? I am dealing with this situation right now, as in a sister-in-law who works for us wanting to quit and go back to college. If she’s lucky she might have enough for one semester. As I look around just Dipolog, I see dozens of schools cranking out thousands of students, but I don’t hear too many tales of the grads going overseas to pick the dollar tree. I’m just a graduate of the school of hard work, and hard knocks, no Rhodes scholar, but it seems to me that colleges here are just a money making scheme. They prosper off the hopes of the parents that think their grads are going to go overseas and send home buckets full of money. I dont see that happening here.
I bought a business here, which like most Philippine businesses do not see a lot of profit, but the business buys food for us, and provides jobs for two of my inlaws. That just does not seem to be enough though lately in family eyes. Since the oldest daughter married a tightwad Kano[me], they now are pushing daughter number two to get a nursing degree and start sending those bucket loads of money back home to them so they can live on easy street.
Unlike most people I have investigated the standings of the nursing schools around us, and found a dismal 32% rate of students being able to pass the nursing exams after graduating. That’s the best school here, the worst was only 7% the last time the stats were published online. Now tell me again why college is such a great thing?!?
I am doing OK here with most things, but the monetary expectations that relatives have has really been a strain on my “cultural tolerance level”. After a couple of step, twice removed aunts made a special bus trip here to lay the guilt trip on my wife about a “loan”, and left her in tears, I laid the banking law down. Any requests will be made to me, in English, and I will not allow anyone to badger my wife for money. The aunts left in a snit because I would not fall for the old crap line about having no money for even bus fare home. Duh! you came here with no quarantee that we would even be home, lacking the money to return!
Since then, no more distant relative requests. Amazing how word gets around when the money tree fails to drop it’s fruit. That may seem cruel to many readers, but I have seen too many pesos wasted on stupidity, and I work too hard to feed my kids to see my “loaned” pesos blown on broken down motorcabs, or other such ventures.
Now if I could just find a way to deal with this college scam.
Dave;
I gave my kids what my father gave to me. The opportunity to succeed, I was sent forth in life always knowing where my anchor was. If I failed I could go back home, have my pity party and start again. My girl in Singapore is doing well and has a high paying job, due to her hard work in College, and in her job. But I let her know that as long as there is a breath in my body she is safe. One phone call and she’s on her way home, or I’m on a plane there. She was told by her favorite Ate that she must send money home to her unemployed (with degrees) cousins. So she sends $500.00 every month which her Mother puts into her bank account for her. She follows our advice Na Lang.
I understand your complaint, the constant asking for money and trying to put guilt trips on our wife’s can put a strain on any marriage if we’re not careful and strong in our actions. As to your question as to why with an education my nieces and nephews don’t work? Their mothers and fathers don’t require them too is the only reason I can see.
Dave..Here in the USA a lot of the schools of higher ED..are in a way scaming the young people..It was even in the news more than once.A lot of them were taking advantage of that school student loan thing and a lot of young people are learing some real hard lessons..Going to school on some fancy painted dream by the school..then getting out and no can find job..so it is not going on just there in the Philipines..going on here in USA also..of course nothing wrong with higher education..I just belive that young people or parents need to make some better choices..
Paul,
Your mango tree theroy is very interesting but dead on. When I was an E6 stationed in Subic 86 thru 88 with my wife and 2 kids one more on the in the oven. We experinced pretty much the same thing all of her family 4 brothers and 3 sisters plus kids would always seem to be camping in our house. And it never failed on paydays someone would have a crisis. So at first trying to be nice and mold with the family for my wife sake I gave in. And of course recoup of the money was a no go so it became a gift. Paul, my wife came to the same conclusion as yours did when she could not go out and have some fun because we had no money left. And her being pregnant at the time oh the emotions ran high. She took control real quick if they wanted money they would have to work for her brothers were taylors so they would make the kids school clothes and everyone else would do her bidding. needless to say after about three months they never asked for money again unless it was medical and then they would have to show a receipt.
Now that we will be retiring in Subic Bay in about 36 months I asked her how will she handle her family? She said the same as I did last time work and thou shall receive. Now I can sit back over there and enjoy a cold San Magoo knowing the finances are secured. Heck she might cut me of for not working I didn’t think about that?
Michels;
Working for money? Now that’s an odd concept! It will never catch on, it’s too out there. I’m glad your wife quickly figured out the problem and came up with a great solution. I kept asking my four brothers to support me so I’d not to work, fat load it did for me!
Paul,
It really was the act of mother nature pregnant and miserable in the philippine heat and the constant (I call it begging, but she called it asking for money by her family and friends). Not to mention we were on a ration card at the comissary remember those.
All it took was that one payday we bought our food ration and we gave them some money for some emergency. I went to work OPM and by the time I got back there were about 15 people in my house eating our food like it was theirs. now i don’t mind sharing but they ate everything in two days and left. My wife asked me to buy more food and I replied with what ration card used up and only alittle bit of money till payday. After a week of eating dry fish, rice and kamote leaves and staying home everynite watching tv.
She was struck by lighting I mean she was pissed and did I mention she was pregnant. Thus the next payday they came back and oh my God fireworks bigger than July 4th. Enjoyed every minute of it I just sat back and drank a cold one. And that is what led up to them working for their money or not showing up at all. Now you know the rest of the story. We are still help like yo do Paul with food parties and outing because it the right thing to do and withh continue it when we get back. Sometimes it is better to give than receive, but it still goes through the finance person.
I know it’s long winded but its a great memory to share with someone who can relate to the situation.
The part where your wife figured it out by herself, is when it gets better, we could never explain it. When my wife figured out that her and the girls had to do without, was her light bulb moment. The main point I tried to make in this article is that if she/he is not on your side over this you’ll lose. We just happened to win. BTW: Not longwinded at all.
Paul,
I agree you must cover each others back on this or you’ll lose.
But sometimes just stepping back and letting it roll is a great learning tool exspecially when you try to explain it without success.
I was just their for support and man we both won. By the way I wasn’t broke had some stash hidden. but had to use my poker face.
Great article Paul brought back memories.
Michels;
Hide a buck? Kinda’ like a Hide-a-Key it’s an old idea but it still works.
Paul,
This is great advice. I like the idea of the committee of one. I want to help family but within reason. I will definitely use your mango tree example someday.
Hi Jack;
I retired 10 years ago, to wit I’m on a fixed income now. My freewheeling days as an overpaid underworked Merchant Seaman are done. Helping the family is a good thing, as long as you put strict limits on it.
I suppose that my desire to live on Samal Island, rather than re-vamping & living in the family house in Obrero(Davao) speaks for itself. My wife is also one of eight, Paul, though, fortunately, two live in France. I don’t believe that I’d get any further with the mango tree analogy than you have, but my wife, after almost nineteen years of marriage, is now starting to understand that “more for them” means “less for her”. After seeing much of the beach property development money vanish, I stopped the project until I could be there to supervise & hire my own crew. It seems that, sometimes, one must be cruel to be kind. I do, however, have one brother-in-law(in France) and one nephew(in Davao) whom are setting stellar examples for the rest, by making the most of what we have helped them with and making full use of their university educations. I believe that more of the younger generations in the RP are realizing, perhaps because of the internet, that they hold the key to their own destiny. It reminds me of “First Nations” people in my own country, wherein, the older generations are still sitting back & blaming the “White Man” for everything, yet, the kids are attending universities, obtaining degrees & making a major impact on, both, their own community, & the country, in general.
Mike2
Mike;
My buddies wife had a house built in Cebu by her family, He left the ship to go see his new house, the second day there he hired a bulldozer and knocked it down. Nothing was in plumb, nothing was square. After knocking the house down he found that rebar was used sparingly and the wiring was inferior, yet the receipts for those items were quite high. He moved back to Olongapo after selling the land and rubble. He still rents!
Paul, you’ve found a good solution for a perpetually difficult problem. It’s tough for me because it’s my nature to be very generous. But I always say “Hey, they were getting along somehow before I came along.”
My wife and I still live in the US, but we still face the same thing. We agree that we don’t subsidize lifestyle, and for the most part she’s been able to stand by that. But she says if (when?) we move back to the Philippines she does not want to live in her home town, because she doesn’t want to have to spend her life saying no.
I recently set up a direct deposit of a fixed amount twice a month and told her that was all she had to work with. She can decide who gets money for school, medical needs, or whatever. I consider the money spent the moment it hits her account and never think about it again. She knows that it had better be close to life and death to ask for more money if there’s not enough in that account. And that enables her to tell the family that’s all there is, deal with it.
We do have a younger sister that is a nursing student that should be done next month. We definitely expect her to take the NCLEX and get on with finding a job overseas. I’m pretty sure she’s aware of that expectation.
As for schooling being a scam, it does feel that way sometimes, but the credential is used to weed out people from holding any job, regardless of whether the qualification is relevant or not. That being said, we did notice that the nursing school seems to require an awful lot of internships that require travel. Seems like every month or two she needs a few thousand pesos extra for that. The school is probably getting kickbacks for sending students to work for free or something – wouldn’t surprise me.
Mike;
I agree with you as I am also generous, and when I was sailing I think I had a tad of guilt over all I had and how little others did. As I pointed out earlier after I retired there was less to give away, and fortunately for me my wife already had a firm handle on the money thing. Her family is within walking distance from my house, and our relationship will all is very good. They now realize that we are not the cornucopia of free Pesos. But we will help in a real emergency, to the best of our ability. My two daughters used they’re education to improve their lives, and should stand as an example to the cousins, who squander theirs. Since I never dealt with Nursing School, I can’t speak to that.
Even the serious Paul can make his point with a bit of humor. This may very well be the single biggest hurdle for many expats. For those with a western viewpoint it’s pretty simple, earn your own money durnit. I feel for those who’ve worked hard enough to make decent money overseas, then are guilted by family for their hard earned mangos.
Gary;
My brother in law asked me why western people kick their kids out of the house, (while he’s married and living at his mother’s house at age 42) I tried explaining that westerners raise kids to become independent adults, and we go off on our own to seek success. (Or at least a good portion of us do.) He exclaimed that his kids can live with him forever! Of course still at his mother’s house, who now has his son, his son’s girlfriend and baby living there also? But he’s convinced he’s the better man. I guess I was a fool to have gone to work. (“He don’t need a stinkin’ job”)!
Hi Paul,
You’ve heard of Juan Tamad? The classic Filipino character made into a series of movies by Manuel Conde, a Filipino director. It showed what you talked about. You know, Juan Tamad under the guava (not mango) tree just waiting for the fruit to fall.
I’m in northern Philippines right now, where it is up to 40c and very brown. On the way up from Manila, I was with the from an intl NGO, and we talked about why the country is so lagging when it has the abilities, potential etc. Finally, he said, “we’re just plain lazy!” and laughed.
I suppose you’re wife can now work as a loans officer in a bank considering her vast experience in reviewing loan apps. Alex
AlexB;
It seems that Juan and I both listen to my father (Apple Trees then) if one pays attention to those words, life would be better. I’ve known people so lazy you have to give them CPR while they sleep.
Paul..
I liked how you showed your lovley Wife the light!{your explantion on why she would have to go with out} I am sure since she saw the light that she makes sure that she is 1st in line {and of course she should be 1st in line} and all others might be standing in line for a long time.
Dan;
One of the things that attracted her to me was her quick mind; alright there were many other things too. But (that also) she had a good business sense, while in charge of building our house she readily grasped contractor scams and nipped them quickly. And I can honestly say to you, that she does not ever go without now, as it should be.
hi Paul ” you really have a serious side” hehehe
It is something I have come across even before I am there as a permanent bank manager hahahah. this was just a simple pair of hair clippers (yes hair not hedge lol) one of daisy’s uncles asked if he could loan them “to be fair he did ask previously could he have them”. So i loaned them to him and as I was expecting them back I had promised her bro he could have them when I came to leave! seriously though It is a good method you have got consult the boss first, and preferance goes to medical assistance, It would be good to see the phils adopt a national health plan in the future. then us loan companies might not be quite so out of pocket.
dave
Dave;
Try this; explain that the biggest loan company in the States is HFC, or Harry, Frank, and Carlos. That by U.S. Law you are not allowed to lend money, as your name is Dave. This works, well maybe…
Dave;
I’m sorry; I forgot you live the U.K., so my reference to HFC could have no value to you. I gotta’ remember it’s called the “World Wide Web”. Damn arrogant American’s!
hi paul it is a global economy now so dont worry about the arrogant american bit hahahah, HFC could also stand for how finance collapses and due to the common misconception of the global banking community it was not the icelandic banking system that collapsed it was the royal bank of dave or paul that collapsed and due to this I am banned by the worldwide banking system from conducting any loan arrangements for or against my name and if found to be doing such transactions may be liable to imprisonment or death by firing squad. do you think they would buy it ?
Dave;
Of course you could sell that concept; customers of banks around the world were sold the same bill of goods.
Hi Paul,
Great article and a lot of good responses!
Here are some suggestions for fellow LiP readers in dealing with constant money requests from relatives;
1. Loan some money to one relative. Then when another relative asks for a loan, send them to the first relative to collect it.
2. Redirect the loan request to the neighbourhood 5/6 lady.
3. Make a point of always dressing worse than the person requesting the loan. This reverses the guilt trip and adds plausibility to your story that you’re broke.
4. Politely explain that you’re broke because all your brothers and sisters in the States (or where ever) are too lazy to work and you have to send money to support them.
Also it’s a good idea to put a menu with a pricelist beside the front door of your house. This helps reduce the number of free-lunchers. Follow these suggestions and you’re guaranteed to be one of the most popular Kanos in the village!
Randall;
If you’re not nominated to head up the FED, something is amiss. By far, yours were the best ideas I’ve read on the subject, and if you don’t mind I’ll start using them bukas, or later today if I get hit up for a buck. Seriously Great Ideas!!!!!!
hi paul
wow i wish i had known all this before i cam to philippines the first time.now i have been with my wife for 5 years and been through alot of ventures and loans or as you put it,,,,,GIFTS,,,,,this to anyone thinking about a filipina wife,,,,if you cant afford to support the entire family then dont even bother to go to philippines.dont get me wrong paul i love philippines but not all that goes along with it.i have a friend with a fiancee there and he rented her a house with the conditions of not giving money,,,i suppose her family wont even talk to her now,,,,in america we might make more money but everything cost alot here as well so with the economy as it is makes things difficult for us all.,,,,,no disrespect to any filipinos because i have family here in usa that feels a loan is a gift as well.
Ron;
The phrase “It’s better to give than to receive” was translated into “Receiving is better than a job!” I am not quite sure who you buddy rented the house for, his Girl, or her family. Then it could be all of the above. Sometimes life here is like that movie “The Man Who Came to Dinner” they’ll drop by for a visit, and then you notice they seem to live there.
Pretending to be broke helps alot changing phone numbers from time to time helps to and also changing your meal schedule a few hours will help also shutting the gate and pretending like no one is home works to. sometimes i park my car around the block and walk home and lock the gate they think we are gone.
Jason;
I used to do that in the states with my first mother-in-law, I had no idea that marriage was a package deal. For a year after I divorced her daughter she would still drop by to visit. Then my wonderful Department of the Navy moved me from Florida to California, it is always a great plan to keep a continent between X’s and their family and you. Oh, adding in the Pacific Ocean with that is a plus.
yeah Paul my mother inlaw comes over about everday I dont know why she just helps my wife with the cleanin and cooking I dont really mind shes a nice lady.But she dose wonder why I keep movin the car and locking the gate.
Jason;
My mother-in-law here is great, and a very sweet lady, she’ll sneak over to my house to watch Wow Wow Wee with my wife. My wife explained that she needs to get away from all the un-employed people at her house who fight with each other all day. I hide so she won’t try to wait on me all day instead of enjoying her rest. She told my wife that she should be happy that I drink my beer at home and not in the bars downtown. Yup, she’s a keeper!
Jason;
My mother-in-law will sneak over to my house to relax with my wife and watch Wow Wow Wee, something she can’t do at her house due to a large un-employed crowd that lives there. While here I hide our back in my man cave so she’ll sit and stop trying to wait on me. But she did tell my wife that if I’m drinking beer at home that’s a good thing, as I’m not out all day running the bars downtown. My wife was quick to hand me a beer, after she thought about that. Yup, they’re both keepers!!!
you have to be firm and put your foot down. and just tell them no…..! filipino relatives remind me of children always trying to get that extra something and when you tell them enough is enough they act like children. my wife and i had planned to take a trip with our son in about a year to cebu to visit it has been 4 yrs since our last trip. when one of my wifes sisters heard we where planning on visiting next year she told my wife you shouldn’t waste all that money on plane tickets you should just send us the money you are using for those tickets instead since its a waste of money and you dont need that money anyway since you can afford to come , just stay in the usa and send us that money. I told my wife i have a better idea lets not go to P.I lets stay home .and we wont waste any money because it can stay in the bank. we pay tuition on all 4 of that sisters kids to go to private school and college . i told my wife when that last kid graduates in 2 yrs we are done …..
Mike;
That would be so funny if not for the fact it’s sad. Stay home and send the money! That sound like what a French waiter would tell a tourist. You should take your boy to Disney World and send her the Videos explaining what a great idea she had. Then tell her it cost a fortune!
Hi Paul,
My wife has a technique to ward of moochers. She listens to the request and then states that we have no cash on hand. She will then offer some of her jewelry that they can pawn and redeem. Since most have no plans for repayment they shudder at the thought of high interest or even worse Ate Marie’s wrath if they dont return her jewelry. I have not seen any takers for her offer in four years. She only had her brother use her jewelry twice with good results. The last one that asked declined her offer and then sold one of his cows to pay his debt.
I have to ask you Paul; in your picture above is that a shadow or is it a tan line where you have been wearing a bikini. Inquiring minds want to know! Ha Ha!
Tom;
So far there have been some great methods to fight this ongoing problem. Your wife’s plan is close to the top 5 that I’ve heard so far. Yes I believe I was topless that day, I can’t remember where I left my Victoria Secret top. Tom, kinda’ scary that you noticed. (LOL)
Hello Paul. A good article and here is my addtion to the words already written. When I first met my wife I of course visited her in Davao. I quickly realized that everyone expected me to provide money for everything-I was on a budget and I could feel the pressure. My second trip I did things differenty. I gave Marlou a large amount of pesos and told her that this was my budget for us while I was visiting-what was left over she could keep for herself. The amount of spending was well-right on budget with an ample amount left over. We don’t yet live in the Philippines but after living here she knows our limites and boundries better than I do. Like any good Filipino wife she can pinch a dollar out of a dime. Here is an interesting story and I am not making this up. She is a coupon clipper extroardinaire. We went to the commisary at Ft.Levenworth and our total bill was 212.00 dollars. Once her coupons were deducted we paid 2.17 for our groceries. I married a smart lady.
Hi Ron;
See, we all figure a way around the problem; I was thinking without our ladies help it would never work. When I ran the Commissary in Puerto Rico I took in very few coupons, and they were easy to get. Being single I had no need, but I still knew they were a good deal. The few ladies that used them would always joke with me about them and how much they saved,
It reminds me of a thread a Filipino posted once on a site I went to. He said that his people should shut up and stop blaming the gov’t for poverty. I honestly didn’t know what to think because I don’t know the whole mechanics of the situation; therefore I can make assumptions, but I cannot judge. Anyways, He stated that it was his own people’s fault. He said many were lazy, and needed to get up and do something instead of pointing fingers while laying down. Your article just reminds me of that.
My girlfriend’s family never has asked mine of anything. Her mom knows I have no job and I am young. My girlfriend, as well, doesn’t ask things. She refuses things rather. Sometimes she pays for me, making it backwards feeling. LOL I know my girlfriend worries about me having money or not. Her parents seem to know my situation. I wonder if the money to the family thing is a cultural thing dealing with tight family bond, or the fact a foreigner is involved. I dunno.
People around here, from what I see, seem to work hard. THere is a guy with his own stand thingy who fixes watches or doorknobs and the such. I can tell he is lowerclass. Its very hot, and I am sure its hot as if heat traps itself in that thing he is in. He sleep on his job (probably self runned) from what I assume lack of costumers. Some street kids here carry bags and work at trying to pick locks to steal and sell as scraps. I understand there is poverty, but I understand I do see some people working hard.
Why do you think OFWs and foreigner spouses deal with this? Is it the fact of nationality or being in another nation ? Or is it the culture of the close family relations?
Hi Jon;
Yes it’s a cultural thing yet there are hardworking people here. And yes it’s the governments fault, as with the government of yours at home, here laws are only passed to aid politician and their friends who are making them rich and the little person be damned. It has been this way since the dawn of history all over the Earth. Those hard working people you spoke of are never afforded the chance to get to the top.
Keeping the wages low, allowing foreign and local companies to have 6 month employment contracts so they don’t have to make their employee full time. There is a small middle class here, and the U.S. of A. has a declineing middlle class. No country can be strong without a middle class, hell the rich won’t pay taxes.
The situation with you and your GF only makes sense; you’re both students depending on the principal support of your parents. Whereas most of us old guys are well established with jobs and pensions, and are seen as “rich”. You someday will get to where we are and if you choose to reside here could experience what we do. Or hopefully this younger generation here will throw out those corrupt people in government and bring this country to its full potential. The same could be said for our U.S. of A. ( Did I ever tell you I worked at the Red & White Store in Goose Creek S.C.?)
Hi Paul, all your guests & your stories had me laughing late into the night. I am relocatingg to the Philippines soon i hope. I think i will just have girlfriends not wives. I am been down that road & it is way to expensive. It might be worse in the islands with all the family trying to volley for your hard earned money. I had a second thought maybe i will just rent. Thanks for a nights entertainment! Scott
Scott;
I was married in the 60’s and swore that was something that one should only be done once. It was like thumping your head with a hammer, it only felt good when you stopped. So I had a very happy single life for many, many years. Now I’m married again and enjoy it as there is nothing left I want to do that I’d need permission for. It works for Gene Simmons from Kiss.
Paul:
My fiancee and I are currently waiting for the visa application to go through its course before she moves to the USA and we are married. At the end of last year my fiancee completed her second three-year contract for employment in Taiwan – she fully understands the concept of working for the things you need and want. During her employment in Taiwan she was able to save enough money to renovate her home, also her mother’s home. Since she is the youngest of eight she apparently inherits the home as well as the responsibility of taking care of the mother (her father is already deceased). Unfortunately, the renovation cost almost all of her savings. Also during the 6 years she was in Taiwan she missed seeing her 8 year old son grow up while her mother took care of him, an apparent necessary sacrifice.
So rather than returning to Taiwan for another 3 year contract, she and I agreed that while we wait for the visa process that I would provide a monthly allowance so she and her son could redevelope their relationship prior to uprooting him to America. The allowance for her, her son and her mother wasn’t very much since they owned the home outright. Well, then things changed.
First, one of her five brothers moved in, who apparently is slightly mentally challenged and can not work or at least will not ever be hired for a job. Then one other brother sadly died and his two children moved in. So now I’m supporting six people all within the family tree, not to mention the preist who must be fed (a.k.a. sponsored) once a month, all the while she is not receiving any assitance from any of my fiancee’s other brothers or sisters for the three recent additions. So I concluded if this is their way then so be it and fortunately my very practical and understanding fiancee is making due with only a small increase in the allowance.
So the point of all this is that I recently drew the line at one recent request – the nieghborhood fiesta. I’m assuming what we would call a street party here in America. My fiancee requested a larger allowance next month to prepare for the neighborhood fiesta, which I assume would include party favors, food, lots more food and drinks.
So as much as I want her to be happy I had to say no. Not just no, but no way. For her, my future step son and even her mother I would pretty much so yes to most anything. Even with suppoting the brother and the deceased brother’s children; well I’m not liking it but living with the situation. However, I just have to draw the line at funding food and drinks for the neigbors, their family and/or friends.
Thankfully, my fiancee fully understood and was not offended by my stance. So at some point we all have to decide when too much is just too much.
Kevin
Hello Kevin;
When it rains it pours! I’ve never heard that the youngest inherits the house as all I’ve ever seen is, that’s when the family fight begins. In my will my two girls get everything if their Mother passes after me. My advice was to sell the house and split the money. But I’ll let them figure it out. When you bring your lady to the states you can forget about ever moving back into the house if you come to live here in the RP. It’s just the way it is, and we’ll never change it.