25 June, and I’m starting the day answering comments here on LiP when around 0530 Mayang brings me a bagel with cream chasse and a cup of coffee. I smile and think to myself, this is just going to be another great day to be living in the Philippines. But one of the comments I received was from a guy who wanted pictures of the New Ole Honda as he was suspect as to if it was a real car or not (I have the same problem on Face Book where people wonder if my Brother Dan is also real, oh believe me he is!) . Now I’m absolutely positive that he was joking with me, but it did strike me as really funny. What if I was sitting at a bar in say Florida, and I’d never been out of the country, and some guy was telling me stories about living in the Philippines Would I really believe him?
I had planned on skipping any stories about the New Ole Honda this week, as far as I know it’s was not going to be done. Then my wife Mayang who has lived here her entire life shocked me when she came in with a second cup of coffee and preceded the conversation with; “Honey Honey, in this culture two words repeated in a row denotes importance. Something like when the Miss Universes contestant from the Philippines a year or two ago said “Major-major” during her interview and the English speaking world went ballistic. Which I thought was stupid as most people that were upset only spoke one language, and she was bi or tri lingual where the average North American’s are not even fluent in their own language. I’m sorry, but it’s true.
So Honey-honey was what I heard and knew to stop what I was doing and afford to her my full attention. Paul, our tag on the broke car (Like I we have another) ended in the number six. Well I grant her that as it does, but here’s where the Honey-honey comes into play, in the Philippines the last number corresponds to the month the tag expires. So 6 = June and 7 = July and 0= October but damn if I know about November or December and how that works, in over twenty years it never came up for me.
But I’m wondering what the deal is and why is it a Honey-honey moment. She explained that our tag will expire and trouble with the LTO will befall us. I smiled and said I’ll just go down to the LTO office and explain the reason as to why I can’t bring the New Ole Honda and renew the tags at this point in time. Sometimes I can be such a simple minded idiot, where in hell do you live Paul, and in what way could it ever be simple?
Mayang quickly pointed the flaw in my logic; there was no way I can pass the smoke belcher test, with no engine in the car, and how will the man rub the engine numbers off the block if the engine block is at the repair shop? She presented a strong argument.
Mayang called her friend at the LTO, and there is a plan for when this type of situation rears its ugly head. You remove both tags and bring that to the Local LTO Office and for the small sum of PHP 400.00 they will store them for you until you can illegally drive there to renew and get your tags back. I think something similar to a “LOST TAG” sign I see all the time but mine would say something like “Ransomed Tag” I also was informed by Boboy at the LTO (I do not make up these names!) that the penalty if I didn’t turn in my tags was 50%. No I never found out 50% of what? It’s just 50% of something, and damned if I’ll take that chance on a Pig in a Polk, my friends, don’t risk it.
We called Lolet at the shop the same day, to explain about the tags, and was informed that the car MIGHT-MIGHT be ready by Friday, Nah their funning me, this is a big joke on the Kano, and I’ll show up on Friday, and they all jump up from behind the New Ole Honda and shout; Surprise, Please Wait”. Well it could happen! And Saturday morning I’ll send this in to Fearless Leader Mindanao Bob, with one or two outcomes, I’m driving the car, or I turned in my tags. PLEASE WAIT! Or something completely different!
Wednesday 26 June at 0925.the “cella” phone rings or chirps and Mayang received a call from Elmer (A Kuya Greg Trained Man). He had heard of our plight and will accompany the car to the LTO and the Smoke Belcher Joint where they insert a rod up your exhaust pipe and read the pollution level of your car. Read this twice before you comment, yes I got away with saying that. So my registration will be renewed TODAY! Oh by the way the car is re-assembled and running. But not ready to be released, as there is a sensor that is missing and “PLEASE WAIT” will be in from Mega Manila soonest. Well that’s progress isn’t it? As far as I can tell or hope, the saga is on the verge of ending, the fat lady has sung, and the last note will be played when the sensor is installed and I pay the bill.
It didn’t happen! Friday morning I received the call from Elmer MIC (Mechanic in Charge) Sir Paul, the sensor has not arrived from Mega Manila, so you may not avail yourself of the car today. But I sensed that. But Saturday for sure you may. I’m thinking does Elmer’s Chrystal Ball; somehow predict the coming of the magic sensor? I think not.
What do you do when faced with a situation like this? Get angry, throw something, and think hateful thoughts about people and things you have no control over? No; you call the shop, and tell the folks that all is fine and we’ll call Monday to check on the car. Then jump on the Mini Bus and go to Pogue Mountain atop the Loren Arms apartment building in Olongapo. Loren had invited me to come and have jumbo polish chili dogs and cocktails to celebrate the return of the Ole New Honda, Well no car, but why would that stop me from good company and a free chili dog? Lorne and Mercer are in the process of building their house on the roof of their building, which had a great view and cool breezes so it’s nice to sit with a cocktail and contemplate ones navel. Well no car, but a pleasant day with good people, what more could I ask for. BTW that chili dog was great!
Saturday morning, I finishing up the sage and I’m preparing to zoom it through the interweb thingy to Fearless Leader Mindanao Bob. I’ve never been in this situation before, but here is my plan: Sunday night/Monday morning as you read this and are still lacking the answer to the burning question; where in the world is the NSA Leaker and Paul’s Honda? I will submit to Bob a short blurb that will finally bring this to a close on Tuesday. If Bob publishes it or not, is wholly up to him, but I’ll be done with this and the Honda will be home, plus I‘ll reveal the total cost in both parts and labor.
I might add that during the writing of this saga, no mechanics were hurt by me, and my voice was never raised nor did one cuss pass my lips. Stay tuned!
“Paul Paul” can you remember how to drive the ol Honda?
John;
Like riding a bike or making love there are things we don’t forget.
Ahh you almost had me. I thought you were going to drive it home.
Take care,
Pete
Pete;
The fat lady is still singing, stay tuned and see what happens.
Paul,
Now that your new old Honda is fixed what will your next saga be lol? Maybe you will decide to sell it and buy a new one. Anyway nothing like celebrating the return with good booze, good dogs and good people. Life is good in the Philippines
PapaDuck;
Have no fear something will come up.;
“nor did one cuss pass my lips”
Paul, we weren’t born yesterday.
Peter, I have never heard Mr Paul utter any curses.
Loren;
We don’t cuss because Mercer and Mayang won’t let us!
Peter;
Tis better to light one candle than curse the darkness… When there is absolutely nothing you can do to control the situation, pop open another beer and laugh about it!
You’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din!
Peter;
Oh the wild charge they made…But after 20 plus years here, you go along with it or foolishly try to fight it.
Paul,
My prediction, due to storm, it will be one more week and another problem 🙂 it won’t end that easy lol
Dirk;
How right you almost were, check my extra post this week and you’ll see.
I will be looking forward to it!!!
I can really recognize all about car repeair. We have had a lot of trouble with our good Mitsubishi. As a matter of fact, problems since we bought it (used car), but here…warranty…i just don’t think there is a filipino word for warranty. Anyway – i guess in a period of 1 year it has been to 3-4 different mechanics, changed parts for a huge amount of Peso. At last i found a mechanic from Sweden here close to us. He found the problem – simple and easy. Now i have a full working car. LTO – well, we started the proces 3 monthys ago, bit still haven’t got that tags. “Sorry sir – we’re out of tags, pls come back in June. June – still no tags. Just wondering when they will print enough. About that smoke test, i really don’t understand it – look around, a lot of vehicles let out more smoke than a middle sized chinese fatory. Well – who cares, it’ still fun living her and i can drive my car.
Axel’
Once you find that one guy, that you can trust, make him your go to guy. That’s what I did after my horror stories from days of yore when I first got her. As for the LTO, well it’s the LTO, enough said! The Jeepney in front of me was belching a black cloud and he passed, mine had to have an adjustment, bit Elmer my Man chic was with me and did it. I love it here too!
You are expecting another “Surprise, Please Wait” — good one. And to the doubting Thomas whether or not the new old Honda exists, I can verify that is the tail pipe the new old Honda getting the exam.
Loren;
I saw the picture of your new gas grill, I pointed that store to your wife and told her that’s where you can get the new coffee pot, and I guess gas grills too!
Like a true serial of a story, you leave us with another cliff hanger Paul, will the sensor arrive from Mega Manila in time or not ? I really enjoyed your description of the exhaust analyzer test LOL. They stopped doing that here, at least in New York State. There are so many sensors on the cars these days that will set off the ” Check Engine ” light, and if that light is on when your car gets its annual inspection it does not pass. Years ago if the check engine light came on when you were driving if you didn’t pull off the road fast and shut the engine off you could have been in for serious problems. Today just about anything sets off that check engine light. More times than not, in my experience, it is the sensors going bad that sets off the Check Engine light than an actual malfunction.
I really must admire your patience Paul which I have come to realize is something essential for enjoying life there in The Philippines. If it were me I think I would have replaced the car with something else by now.
For the reader that doubted the existence of Pauls new old Honda, you can be assured that this car really does exist. A continuing article such as this one just can not be made up.
Bob;
Like the Saturday Matinee when we were kids, Commander Cody always left you hanging, so you had to come back next week. Patience or not wanting to go in debt to buy that new car, I’ve not used credit except (One Visa Card to get me to a stateside hospital if things really go bad) in the last 30 years. My first wife gave me a powerful lesson in that, bless her black heart. So me and the New Ole Honda are now joined at the hip, and I’ve got a brand new engine! Watches the damn thing get stolen now!
Pretty cool …. that the guy went to the shop… to issue you… your tags
Lenny;
Now you understand why that’s the only shop I’ll go to for the New Ole Honda, they are all good folks.
Lenny;
Now you know why no one else works on my car.
Paul – Happy days. A few beers are in order for sure,
Brenton;
That’s when they taste the best!
Paul, a great read as always! 🙂 My wife has an Uncle named Baboy(middle name) and he goes by Boy. I thought they were joking, but they weren’t.
I’m looking forward to your follow up article.
Scott;
My friends nephew (I SAW THE BIRTH CERT.) is named “Tiny Bubbles”, I’ll assume they wanted him to grow up to be a fighter.
Looking to settle down in the Bataan,PI. Still got 10 yrs USN left. Any suggestions?
Vejaz;
Finish your Navy years, apply to Military Sealift Command and become a Civilian Mariner (Merchant Marine). Then buy land on high ground and build a house. Keep sailing for MSC until you can retire again. Remember as a CivMar you can live anyplace you want in the world as they fly you to work and back. I’ve found that sitting on a mountain in Bataan, sipping cold SMB’s is not a bad life at all. Anyway that’s what I did and I’ve no regrets.
The best of luck Shipmate, give a shout next time you’re in the area.