Oh brother are you really jealous?

Well, I’ve been meaning to write this article for a long time now. I’ve been hearing lots of expats when they get together all they talk (tsismis) about was the other expats that live here. I felt that if they say that the Pinoys have the crab mentality, so do a lot of the expats. I think they are more. Some are even vicious. Some of them are back biters (I know, not all of them). If they think that another expat is successful, then it ticks them off and they get so jealous.

They will then spread rumors and say untrue stuff. Good thing in the Philippines you could be in jail for slander. Most of these expats that I am talking about they claimed they had no money but almost everyday they eat out and they will be going bar hopping every night and getting drunk. How can they have no money when all they do is travel and explore?  And also how can they pay for hookers? But when they meet up with others at the end of the day the bitterness kicks in and say bad stuff  about other expats.

I’ve seen a lot too that they think they are way better than the local people about anything. They might be in some aspect, maybe they are more wiser and worldly. But the local also knows better how to live here comfortably of what they can have. But oh dear you’ve heard also how stupid the expats act sometimes here, that they make themselves look like a fool. I’ve been seeing some expats like that too.

Many Expats are green with envy

Many Expats are green with envy

We had this friend who came here a few years ago. Bob really helped this fellow, answered his calls and texts. He would even be at the house for long hours of the day to talk to Bob. In some nights for almost a year he would call Bob up, he wants to talk to Bob because he said  he really was depressed and might be going insane. Of course we tried to be as helpful as we can for him, even though its already late at night we let him come to our house and we talked to him until the wee hours of the night. We don’t mind because we want to help him.

He needed help for his stay here and also where to go for the bank, I showed him what to do and where to go. Bob helped him out on something about the internet. He just had lots of questions on that department, and Bob was really willing to help him. Later when we saw that he was whining and complaining, we told him that maybe this might not be the perfect place for him. But he still wants to stay here. Still we  continue on helping him. Later we found out that he was talking behind our back, as if he felt that our help is not good enough. Really just reading on the stuff he’s writing I could tell and it showed that he is really a big SOB. I don’t care for him anymore.

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He claimed to be a devoted Christian. A true follower of God would not do the stuff he did. He just a jealous kind of guy and so bitter about life. How could he be happy with others that he himself is not happy. He wanted to earn money here but because of his laziness he didn’t make any. He was blogging and Bob help him out of the stuff that might be helpful for him to blog. He still continues on blogging nonsense and it shows now his immaturity. If we meet up again I’m going to tell him to strive hard in life instead of just so jealous of the works of others. His bitterness will never get him anywhere. He should just stop whining and griping. Be happy in life. If he can’t be happy here just go home to the place where you came from. Really I wanted to say more to him but I have to refrain myself though.

We also had this friend a few years back. We were still new here in Davao at that time too. He was renting a house here and at first he was okay. He was telling us that he was jealous of Bob and I been married for a long time. We didn’t know at first of the life that he wanted to have. He just wants to have fun here, not really looking for a good wife… Few months later of being our friend he then was telling us all the rendezvous he was having. He had a few girls in his apartment and he was so proud in saying the multiple girls he had in one night. I thought he was just joking because he was over the age I thought. But then another friend confirmed of the guys activity. One day we saw him and we had lunch with him and he was just so proud that he was having sex with his helper. After hearing from other people of the guys over enjoyment here we decided not to be friends with him anymore. We don’t want to get involved with his over enjoyment here. I am not sure though if he still living here. I hope he went home to where he came from. He was even so proud in telling to other expats here about him traveling to  Mexico before for multiple sex he said.

Be careful also when talking to some expats, some words just meant different to them (language barrier i guess). A few years back Bob just said the words “I’m going to be totally and brutally honest to you”. The guy that Bob was talking to, he thought that bob would hit him, because of the word brutally. He meant physical then. Wow what a word made a difference. We were caught off guard on that and tried to be careful in using that word to other foreign friends then. Or at least asked them about it.

I know that it’s going to be so difficult in adjusting to the life of the place that you are not accustomed to, but please don’t use others for that. Try to be happy here and try to blend in with the locals. As we always said try to learn even just the basic language of where you live. The locals will then be happy that you tried. Please avoid making comments or making gossip. Making up stories about someone can bring you to jail here. And everyone knows that jail is not going to be a good place for you here. We all know that the jail here were so totally different from the West. No privileges for the prisoners here. No TV and no gym here. I’m not even sure if our jails here have a library. So be very careful!

Instead of being jealous of others, try to make yourself busy with good stuff. Try to help out the poor instead. Give food to the homeless, give up the few beers a night. It will make you happy later seeing those smile of the kids!

“Jealousy” try to make it more fun in the Philippines then. We have plenty of those here….

Mabuhay!

Post Author: Feyma (315 Posts)

Feyma Martin is a Columnist here on the Live in the Philippines Web Magazine, she is the wife of site Publisher, Bob Martin. Feyma is originally from the Philippines, but went to the USA for 10 years after marrying Bob in 1990. Bob & Feyma moved to the Philippines to live permanently in 2000.


Comments

  1. mike henebry says

    Good article Feyma. I am willing to bet that the guy who had a problem with Bob using the term “brutally honest” was British. I remember when an English friend of mine and I were in our local pub in Oxford, England in the early 1970s and two Americans walked in a joined us for a few drinks. After a few minutes my English friend got up and said he remembered that he had to go home early. I saw him a few days later and he said that he was worried that one of the “yanks” was going to hit him. The two Americans were just being ‘typical’ Americans – a little loud talking and profane. But, I sat talking with them for several hours and listened to how they made their money to afford to take a trip around the entiire world, and I did not feel the least bit treatened (and I am all of 5 feet 3 inches tall and weigh about 125 Lbs).

    I also am beginning to agree with Bob that being around expats in the Philippines is not always pleasurable. At first I felt kind of sorry for myself that there are no expats or Western people in my village or in the general area where we built our house. But, I am enjoying my time with the local community. I just need to work in learning Bicolano.

    • says

      Hi mike henebry – Nope, sorry Mike the guy’s not a British. But he is somewhere from Europe. I think living in a different country just try to blend in with the local people instead. You more likely to accept whats happening around you. Then also you get used to the accent of the local and them to you, and later both parties will understand each other. If you’re living in Bicol area, definitely try to learn even just the basic language there. It will be better for you at the end.

      Good luck to you and thank you so much for stopping by!

  2. says

    I’ve learned that I don’t necessarily need friends that are the same make and model as I am. I look for likable and notable character traits in everyone, regardless of their point of origin. Every tree that bears fruit will always have some bad fruit on it, and in that regard, everyone should be judged independently of each other. My wife has met some filipina’s here in the states that she will have nothing to do with. It’s a character thing that holds no racial or ethnic bounds.

    • says

      Hi RandyL – For sure. I’m sure you want to be friends with the people that wanted to be friends with you too and don’t back bite you. Problem is, some of this people wants to be friends because they want to get something, after getting what they wanted they will bite the heads off of the person that’s helping them. It’s just ridiculous and insane. In short a lot of them are just plain users.

      Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here.

      Have a nice day!

    • Brian roninwolf on facebook says

      Totally agree with this post. My wife has pinoys here she rather not be around theres 2 I rather not also. Theres good and bad in all people. I think the Philippines can bring out the good in some and the worse in others. Like was mentioned the fellow having many sexual encounters. He never had that oppurtunity here whereas there many females want to be with him. I’m sure it gets old after awhile like other things. I’d rather live there, BUT I’m not always sure that best for us. Sometimes I think Alaska in the woods too, ha ha. I know I loved being there but at the end when the money was almost gone and had seen at the time everything it was getting old. Would I rather be there sometimes, when my sinus’s go crazy and I get my dissing spells from the 5 plates in my head from a car accident. The stress on my body here from it from my back to my shoulders. I spent 2 weeks there had a full massage on Paradise Island and was good for months. I was more relaxed, walked everywhere, almost everyone gave me a smile and wave. I felt like a rock star !!!! Each person and place have good things and bad things about them. My friend Andy is there right now meeting his filipinia lady friend. So you might see him retirethere in a few too, haha

  3. Ron LaFleur says

    Feyma you make a comment about some expats saying they don’t have any money. That might just be a reaction to what so many have written on other sites about not letting other expats know you have money or they will try to get some of it or flaunt it to the local population and they might take some of it. In my opinion you have a variety of expats that come there and they fall into two basic groups. ( I judge none of their choices by the way) One group comes to party and have a good time and the other group comes to assimilate into the culture and to work towards developing a good life. You and Bob obviously fall into the latter group and the other group comes and goes with the tide. One of the interesting things I observed has been how expats seem to ignore each other. I never have understoond that. Perhaps someone can provide me some ideas on your forum. Keep it up and have fun Feyma. Enjoy life.

    • says

      Hi Ron – We really know people that says they don’t have money and truly they don’t. They were just eating rice and noodles. We felt sorry for them because that’s not the norm for them to eat. They are our friends. So we gave them some food. They might be better now financially I hope though.

      I agree with you on the two categories you are saying about what expats we have here. Yep, none of us wants to judge any people here, but have to write what’s happening and going on here. I have heard and seen a lot here. To be honest I don’t really care what other people do with their lives, as long as we are not included. The problem is some of those expats that belongs to the first categories you are talking about were the one that’s so bitter here and talks bad about others. Really it ticks me off sometimes.

      I guess I have to observe more to answers that question that you just gave.

      Don’t worry Ron we do enjoy our life here. We would not be here if we don’t though. Thank you always for your comment and sharing your thoughts here on LIP. Have a great day and God bless!

  4. lolo56 says

    @ Felma, thanks to share, but what you wrote about can fit anywhere in the world..lol…I will just tell you what my parents used to tell me when i was young..

    1) Don’t forget son, when pointing one finger to someone look at your hand there are 3 fingers pointing at you….

    2) Son, before you want to say anything bad about someone make sure you also have 3 good things to say about this person, if not then be quiet..

    I am 56 and all my life i pratice that and it works….and i also told the same to my 6 children…

    If someone succed in life i am happy for this person. If someone has a bad luck in life if i can help i do. If someone is bad to me then i pray for this person and i am not shy to tell this person that i pray for him or her… So when he or she is going back home he or she is probably telling her or himself…i give him shit but he is praying for me……

    That is the way i am and it makes my day…and tonight before i go to bed i pray for you…We all need peace inside…

    have a good day….lucky you you have the heat and the sun…i am jalous…

    • says

      Hi lolo56 – I’m pretty sure most of us got the same advice from our parents. I got same with my parents too. But human nature that when kick we kick back. It’s been going on for a long time that I ignored it. Now’s the time for me to kicked them back I guess. You know what I mean? I’m just so annoyed and tired of those people using us. My patience wears off sometimes. I have to restore them back.

      Lots of time Bob spent a lot of hours in a day talking to them. We even fed them. Bob don’t charge them because he wanted to help them.

      Thank you for the prayers and thank you for stopping by here. Hey, don’t be jealous the plane comes to the Philippines a few times a day. ;-)

      Cheers!

  5. Jimmy says

    Feyma after 14 years you can imagine I have run into just about every type here. If there is one thing I have learned is to stop being judgmental. Many expats come here because they are LOSERS and here they can do pretty much what they want. Many come here with significant issues like drinking and drugging problems that got them into lots of trouble back in their home countries. Or Abuse of women or worse even pedophilia. I’ve met them all. That is the kind of people places like the Philippines attracts. I tend to be cordial to everyone I meet and if they do something to offend me or otherwise I just drop them. I don’t keep count or dwell on it. And on a positive note, I have made friends with people I never would have looked at or associated with back because of my own stupid prejudice about one thing or another. As for the Slander and Libel law I disagree with you 1000% percent on that. In most countries people only make comments that can they can back up unless spoken out of anger. In the Philippines even if you can back it up you can still get sued or possibly even hurt or killed. I once lived in Davao (fortunately no more) and I met a couple of people that seemed jealous of Bob. One guy had some feud going with him. I told them why waste their times on things like this. I said in the overall scheme of things Bob is irrelevant as were they. All Bob is trying to do is make a living. He has rules for his site and if you want to be on his site then play by his rules. If not then LEAVE. But people get fixated on the dumbest things for the dumbest reasons. I say ignore them and move on. No sense getting stressed.

    • says

      Hi Jimmy – Same here, we’ve been living here in the Philippines for close to 13 years now. We saw and met and mingle some of the people that come’s from other places in the world. Some we cared a lot, some it’s okay if we saw them and some that we just don’t care too much. I think at times we try to not be judgmental but instead choosy on who we will deal with. We want friends that will not bite us at the end. I hope you know what I mean?

      Honestly I don’t really care that much who they are and what they want to do here, as long as we are not involve with it. When expats now tell us their problems, we are so careful on who to help. We would rather help out the less fortunate people here.

      Well, the law here are really strict on that slander thing. Just try not to be in trouble here so that you will not get hurt or killed. How long have you been living here in Davao? Did you like it here? Just curious though!.

      I’m pretty sure those people that you knew here in Davao that were talking bad about Bob, for sure they were help before. Wanting advice and they do the opposite of what the advice was. In short they want to do what they want to do in the first place, why asked help and don’t follow. They are the one that whines and bitter. They really are good at that too.

      Regarding rules on Lip, yes we all have to follow. Bob has guidelines. If they don’t want to read the Lip site its okay. We did not put guns on their heads. The only thing that LIP writers were trying to do was wanting to help. They are just so jealous because Bob knows how to make the LIP going. Some of them make a blog like LIP, but it did not succeed. Why blame others for the unsuccessful life they have here. Wouldn’t they have to strive harder instead?

      You know why LIP was born? Because before when we moved here we can’t find any advice or something like that on the net. Plus the internet was new at that time. Imagine it was still dial up at that time, no wifi yet… No blogs or anything like that at that time too. People that wanting to move nowadays has lots of info to read now on line.

      Anyway I pray for good life for them too. Thank you for stopping by!

      Have a good day!

      • Jimmy says

        Yes we agree on all points it seems. I stayed in Davao for about nine months and honestly didn’t like it. I have gone back from time to time for business reasons and yes they have Abreeza, Damosa and a new monstrous SM in the works but frankly for me it is still too busy, too polluted, too old looking and ugly, and please don’t take this as an affront to Davanos but I find the people to be extremely unattractive. I much prefer the Visayas where the people (especially women) are much more attractive and in general more sophisticated as far as that can go here. I also feel the various cities and towns in the Visayas are more modernized and cleaner. There are a slew of other reasons but best not to beat a dead horse, etc……But that is what makes the World go around and Davao is your home and I respect your reasons for being there.

        • says

          Jimmy – It shocked me when you said Davao is polluted. Been living here for almost 10 years and didn’t see it like that. We must have different eyesight then. Hmmm… the unattractive comment is just unacceptable to me. Did you know that there are lots of Mindanoans in Cebu who study and live there now. And we have lots of the Mindanaoans that had Visayan(from Cebu too) decent. It could be that somebody from Mindanao particularly from Davao find you to be unattractive guy and rejects you? That’s why you’re acting like that. Honestly I’m from Gensan, you are right Davao is my home now.

          Try not to insult women all over Mindanao even other places. I’m pretty sure guys that were married to Davaonas were so offended by your comment.

  6. Paul Thompson says

    Feyma:
    I think we have all met that type of person, first they don’t want advice, they want you to do it for them. Plus remember as long as they are talking about you, they are leaving a weak person alone. When I find that someone is talking about me I think to myself; “Wow I must be special”, and like a ducks back, I let what they say run off on to the ground. If they are supporting me and paying my bills, then what they say has worth, but otherwise they hold no value in my life. Don’t waste your time on them.

    • says

      Hi Paul – For sure Paul. Honestly I heard about some rumors a long time ago. I just leave them alone and let them be. But my patience wears off too. The thing that really ticks me off when they come to the house and we fed them and wants advice and no charge for that and at the end they back bite us. Man, that really pisses me off big time though.

      I guess I’m just trying also to make others be aware of who to help out. Back biters are common in every country. Just trust your instinct who to trust and deal I guess.

      Thank you for your good advice Paul. Highly appreciated.

    • says

      Hi Corina – I’ve been living back here for almost 13 years now. Heard and seen too many. With what I said to others on my comment “we don’t get involve with other peoples lives as long as we are not and to be involve”. But if you are talking false stuff against me or my family, at first I will be quiet but just don’t abuse the quietness though. My patience is wearing thin then. I hope you got my point though…

      Good day to you!

  7. John Leick says

    Glad you wrote that, nice job!

    Let me draw a little analogy to a similar situation here. A very good friend of mine “immigrated” to Florida like so many Northerners. Well, he is pulling up his tent stakes and getting out. He is tired of all the nasty people with all sorts of issues. So many have this dream that if they leave their s**t life behind they will find greener pastures. I would guess that there is a fair amount of this going on with expats. They can’t adapt or survive here, or have major issues such that they cannot find loving relationships. Of course not all expats, just a higher percentage, and that is what gives credence to this common theme here on LiP.

    • says

      Hi John Leick – Thank you. I’m glad you like what I post.

      Hopefully your friend really find the happiness that he was wanting here in the Philippines. It’s good to follow your dreams, but you have to work hard for it to succeed.

      Good to see you here again. Thank you for sharing.

      Cheers!

  8. peterjoy says

    a girl a good posting i love it and yes u get one in every place u go that one that ask for help but dont need it as in his own mind he will go his own way no matter how and what u do for him ppl like that u canot help as for one he cnaot hel him self in the first place sham on him he will just make a fool out off his silly self for get him and ppl like him the best thing u can do for him is take him out side and give him a good kick in the bum then just then may be he will under stand where is is going and do it right god bless keep up the good work u and bob are do lovely work helpng ppl down there and i love the work u are doing u are allways on my mind and in my pray for u so take good care ok……..peter martin tassie

    • says

      Hi peterjoy – Thank you so much for the uplift. I really appreciate a lot. I think I did try to kicked back. I’ve been hearing the abuse of words and untrue stuff from others far too long now. My patience wears thin though. Human nature…

      Like what I said to this people stop being jealous. Try to do something with the less fortunate people in their area. It’s better for them and the world then. The whining and griping will get them nowhere.

      Hey, always good to see you here mate. God bless!

  9. sergio borges says

    Yes, only one expat what I knew in the RP tried to place me in a series of problems. first he presented himself as a serious person and complained about the immense quantity of scammers in the filiipinas. Trying to continue our “friendship”, offered me opportunities like:
    the purchase of property in spite of not being married in the RP and he could set everything right with his known authorities.
    He introduced to me a woman and explained me that she is married but I might marry with her at the office of a known authority and that this marriage would have value.
    to open business in the name of his woman.
    he bothered me in all the forms to go in a place that is totally out of my routine, the type of place what Im not frequent and there came with offers of dohan and chimei and etc….
    invited me to have lunch with his family and in the end asked me to pay the full bill because its cheap.
    it was dificult to get rid of him and his offers of good business. In the end he paticipated in an unsucessfull scam against me in the cross of regalado to cortez avenue, and, in the last contact, asked pathetically a padala…
    how come!!!?????

    • says

      Hi sergio borges – Wow, that’s something. Did your supposed friend get the message that you don’t want him on your life anymore? I hope he did. He must wanted you in trouble here. Hooking up with a married woman will really get you in trouble here. If the husband killed you and his wife, really he would not be in trouble though. it would be justice for the him. I hope that they are not doing what they did to you to others too.

      Good thing you had a good mind to see what’s going on. I’m glad you did not lost a lot of money with your friend.

      Thank you for dropping by here. Keep reading and sharing your thoughts.

      Have a good day!

  10. Lenny says

    Good article Feyma, I just don’t hang with people my own age most of myfriends are in their 20′s or 30′s just the way I am probably because of just what you wrote I just stay cool and happy don’t like sitting around drinking cool ones and talking with older guys that I havenothing in common with….However there are exceptions like Paul here and Bob here anytime I would sit with them

    • says

      Hi Lenny – You hang out with people that you’re comfortable and happy to be with. I can’t speak for Paul & Bob, but I think they will hang out with you if given the chance.

      Good to see you here again. Have a good weekend ahead!

  11. HarryTheHorse says

    How very shallow of Bob and yourself cutting friendships because of one’s private life. That a person sleeps around should not be the basis of deciding whether to be friends with a person or not. I can tell you now if you brought that logic to a western country, you would have no friends at all. Alot of people in western countries have multiple partners and quite frankly it is none of anybody’s business but the person concerned. We are not living in the 1800s and everybody is entitled to enjoy an intimate relationship or relationships without judgemental people like yourselves. Perhaps unlike the west there are financial transactions involved in alot more cases here but it is the oldest profession in the book and goes on in every country. It is not for you or i to to cast judgement. “Judge not lest you be judged”.

    • says

      Harry – I think that really you misinterpreted what Feyma said. We have plenty of friends who “sleep around,” but the one individual whom she mentioned (the one that we chose not to be friends with anymore), was very crude, and we just decided that we did not choose to be friends with him any longer. He brought little to the friendship anyway, it was more a matter that he wanted to be friends with us for his own benefit, but not a two way street. Feyma never said “we don’t want to be friends with those who sleep around.”

      Anyway, every person – you, me, and Feyma included – gets to choose what type of people they want to be friends with. Nobody is forced to be friends with a person who’s lifestyle they don’t care for. If you knew of a person who was a pedophile, would you be friends with the person after finding out that he was abusing children? Maybe you would, but I would not fault you if you cut off the friendship. It’s a personal choice, and I don’t see why you would fault me or my wife for deciding what type of people we wish to spend our time with.

      • Neal in RI says

        John
        The name Harry the Horse rings a bell. I could be wrong but I think I stumbled across a website of his years ago that Is so geared toward sex tourism that it is sickening.

    • says

      Harry, I believe Fema is relating more in principle to the Golden Rule (“do onto others…”) including trust and honesty issues. I must agree with her that being tread upon is something that gets really old and tiring.

    • Bruce Michels says

      Harry,
      In friendships it’s not about quantity it’s about quality. If a person does not share the same morales and values as you do what is there that keeps them together. Nothing they are together for other reasons them true friendship maybe personal gain, envy or retaliation.
      A man who takes pride in raising his family and loves his marraige has nothing in common with a person who just wants to drink, whore and destroy other peoples reputations.
      Yet most men of good character will hold out an olive branch to anyone in need in order to help that person reach their goals. Sometimes it works but more times then not the man the who held out the olivie branch usually ends up with egg on his face. So eventually they quit helping.
      Remember just because everyone else is doing it doen’t make it right. It just makes them followers.

    • says

      Hi HarryTheHorse – Honestly we don’t care how many and who the person slept with. The thing that we cared about when our kids overheard the talking in our house. At that time we had two 3 year old kids (our son and nephew) who likes to hang out at Bob office to chat with him. Then that guy were talking stuff like that. Just unacceptable for us. Well if that kind of guy you want to be friends with? Good for you. It’s your choice to make, we are not forcing you to chose who you want to be friends with.

      We made our choice who we want to be friends with. Our decisions to chose friends that we like who shared the same value that we like that we can pass along to our kids later. That’s the most important thing for us. I don’t force you or anyone here to join in with our purpose in life.

      Good luck to you!

    • Bruce Michels says

      Harry I looked up your sight and to me you are no more than a pimp. I know a front when I see one. I’ve been working law enforcment for 20yrs and your establishment is no more than a back door sex ring. Your sight advertises nothing but booze,sex and a good time for all. You even give out awards to those who patronize your establishment. All you do is use these Filipinas and disgrace their names and culture for your own personal gain.
      Remember you may not answer to anyone right now but one day you will answer to someone much higher. But you probably don’t care because you you don’t believe in the almighty either.

      • HarryTheHorse says

        Bruce don’t worry, you will not be featuring in my tourist of the month anytime soon. Attitudes like yours and others expressed in this forum is the very reason why there are so many expats living in Angeles City. We did not come here to put up with snobbish and judgemental American attitudes so take that way of thinking back to your home country. We expats can do without your kind here. As for my establishments, how dare you portray them as a “back door sex ring”. If you bothered to look properly on my website, you will notice that my establishment provides accomodation and a five star restaurant so quit with the holier than thou attitude. Be very careful your post is tantamount to slander and defamation. I make no profit by displaying pics of filipinas who are more than willing to pose for the camera. I also bear no judgement of foreigners or in other words adults regarding what they do with other consenting adults in their spare time or on vacation and neither should you.

        • John Miele says

          Since you did not post using your real name, it is not slander. Unless you can point to the republic acts where your trademark is located, then lots a luck. So, cry and moan all you want jackass

        • David Aaron says

          5 star restaurant? Wow I must look up my Michelin guide again.

          ” I make no profit by displaying pics of filipinas” Crap! Your purpose is to attract patrons to your establishment so you ARE profiting from them. While I won’t go as far as accusing you of being a pimp you are un questionably using these girls for your own ends. Yes, it is up to each person to make a moral judgment as to their position on your business practices. Personally I don’t know how you live with yourself.

      • John Miele says

        He is a pimp… A sex tourist catering to other sex tourists…. And he has the nerve to imply that you slander him! Aw, poor baby! Boo Hoo… You said mean things about him.

        This from a guy who doesn’t even have the balls to use his real name. His own words speak volumes about who he is.

    • jonathan says

      Harry the Horse,

      Confucius says “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are” and “Birds of the same feathers flock together”.

  12. Bruce Michels says

    Feyma,
    This article is so true and hits home with me. I retired from the navy and next year will retire from my job as a correction officer here in Jacksonville Fl. I have dealt with the best of the best and the worst of the worst and all inbetween. I believe I can read people pretty well.
    I have held out that olive branch to help people like you and Bob do and yes I have ended up with egg on my face many times. That was my nature but after eating to much egg I quit helping others.
    I stay to my family and a few high quality friends.
    When we move next year to the Philippines I’m not going to run out and embrace any expat I see American or not. They have to meet a high standard and I hold dear, The same goes for the Filipinos. Although I have more filipino friends her in the States them I do Americans. I believe staying true to myself and my Asawa is the most important thing I can do. I will enjoy living in the Philippines again and with friends I choose to be.
    Great post!!

    • says

      Hi Bruce Michels – It brought back some old memories for you. Really we learned our lesson from experiences, and it made us more mature and stronger in facing the future.

      Good luck to your move here in the PI next year. Be prepared for the challenges ahead.

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and comments. Highly appreciated.

      Have a great day!

  13. Mark G. says

    Feyma and Bob,
    People will take advantage of you if you let them no matter what part of the world you live in. You guys are nicer than most and it’s not unusual for people to read that as a sign of weakness. Obviously you are not weak people. You can associate with whomever you like and you need offer no excuses why you intend to do so. There’s no reason you need to keep people in your life who have no good intentions and from whom no good will ever come. Personally I appreciate all the help and advice Bob (and Paul T. and John M. and you) have given me over the last couple of years. You folks have more experience in the Philippines than I. I hope you guys realize what a great service you provide to the uninitiated. Where else could one learn so much about the Philippines basically free of charge? On a lighter note I certainly hope that ‘Harry the Horse’ listed above is not my friend from Angeles City with a website of the same name. His attitude doesn’t hit me as such. Could using someone else’s well known handle be mis-representation at the very least? I’ll just hope and pray it’s not Jim. You guys keep up the good work and never mind the narrow minded people you may encounter along the road of life. Ingat,
    Mark G.

    • says

      Hi Mark G. – Got your point. I guess its a human nature to help out when seeing other people needs help. Got the message now though. Too many of that happening, got the lesson later then. I’m glad you find the site to be helpful to you. I can see that you really appreciates a lot of the people that help you here. Thank you for recognizing our efforts too. Honestly its really a hard work for Bob. But I know that he enjoys helping other people though.

      Hopefully the Harrythehorse that your friend is not the guy that was commenting above. good luck to you. But sadly I had an inkling that its him though. Cross your finger. :-)

      Good to see you here again Mark.

      Have a good weekend!

  14. Keyser says

    You know, this article and others of this ilk on this website make me wonder. Are you really here to help people understand and integrate into life in the PI or just using the site as a soapbox for your own personal feelings?

    The US has been a melting pot since it’s inception. Over the past 10 years there has been a HUGE influx of emigrants from all over the world. Each bringing their culture with them. Every shape, size, color, national origin and religion are represented. In the city where I live, you will find sections of town where street signs are in Chinese they have become so ingrained in our society. I live with them, work with them and socialize with them and you know what, they all complain about things here, even though those chose to move to the US. It is all part of the assimilation into our society, merging their culture with ours. Never have I nor would I tell them to their face to GO HOME IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT HERE. It is petty, cheap and only shows your own lack of tolerance to thise different from you. This seems to be the theme on this site as this is the second article in less than a month with the same title. One from you, a Filipina and the other from John. If you are trying to provide insight to the readership of this site about integrating into Filipino society, telling people to go home is hardly encouraging. How would you like it if while living in the US someone came up to you and told you to go home if you don’t like it?

    I know that this is not the intent of this article, nor the message you intended to convey, but that’s the way I take it every time someone makes this comment.

    • Mike says

      Keyser,
      It is not my intention to “stir the pot”, but I have to take exception to some of your message. I would disagree with you that the USA welcomes and accepts immigrants with open arms and an acceptance of their culture. Where I live for example, it is common to hear “If the Mexicans don’t like it here, they should go home”. A statement that you will hear from almost everyone is “when you move here, you should adapt and accept “our” way of doing things”. U.S. history shows that almost every major group that came to this country faced discrimination: Poles, Irish, Mexican, Puerto Rico, Asians, etc. Many Americans are still not comfortable around people who do not have white skin.

      I am also confused with your statement “I know that this is not the intent of this article, nor the message you intended to convey, but that’s the way I take it every time someone makes this comment.” If you know that is not the intent, why do you take it that way?

      Michael

      I read that Feyma is saying “If you cannot adapt, you will not be happy. If you are not happy, it would probably be better for everyone if you went home. The worst thing for everyone is to stay here and complain.” Good advice, even if it may sting a little.

  15. Bruce Michels says

    Keyser,
    I read your statment a few time just to make sure I understood where you are coming from. Your trying to compare the US as a melting pot of culturalism and acceptance of all regardless if they assimulate and except our culture or not. To some articles on this sight that really hit hard at expats that either have a difficult time assimulating into the Filipino culture or refuse to. I agree not all articles written on this sight and many other sights are pleasing to the taste. But they don’t have to be reality is reality not fantasy.
    The US is not the Philippines and vise versa. The US and it’s laws have harmed our culture by trying to be politically correct and not to hurt anyones feelings or belief or culture. The Us does not enforce laws to have people assimulate into our culture by having the learn english, understanding our constitution and laws, and respecting to rights of others. They are given a life of freedom and all they want to do is change to laws and culture to accomidate them and their culture and beliefs. Thats why the US is divided not United anymore.
    The Philippines ( and many other countries for that matter) do not share the same beliefs and go and change their laws to accomidate other cultures regardless from where they come. If expates want to come and live in their country they do so under the presumption that they will follow their laws and work on assimilating into there culture. They don’t change because your here.
    That’s were these LIP articles come into play. Some articles are about everyday life and the trials and tribulations expates go through in their daily lives in the Philippines. They are light humor and enjoyable to read. Others are informative and show us how to go about to get visas, services and understand the laws of the Philippines and assimulate into the Filipino culture. All these are here to help people and keep them excited about coming to the Philippines.
    Then there are some that touch more on the serious question on why do you want to live there and will you be able to adapt and make friends. These are the articles that will strike at the very nerves of people. Some expates adapt quit well and learn the culture. They meet quality friends and live happy lives. Other come here under the presumption that the Philippines is their adult playground and anything goes. They don’t want to assimulate into the Filipino culture they want the Filipinos to serve them as if the Filipino was subserviant to them.
    While others are here because of either finances or romance and the exceptation of living like a king on a paupers paycheck with a young woman by their side.
    These people quickley find out that that is not reality at all and end up hating the Philippines and themselves and everyone around them. But they are stuck and and have no recourse but to stay.
    So yes these articles do have value. If they can just get one person to sit down and think and really be honest with themself about living in the Philippines or why are they really there in the first place. If that person understands why they might stay or they might go home to a place where they are happy it’s there choice. Then these articles have done their job. But people don’t need to come around and complain about the Philippines, brag about personale conquests or how you would change things. But most of all being deceitful and envious of other peoples success or happines.
    Remember the truth can be a brutal thing and people don’t like the truth.

  16. says

    Hi Feyma,
    Having a successful site like LIP I’m sure could lend itself to some people being jealous of you and Bob. Many I’m sure will underestimate the time consuming work and energy that must be involved in running all the successful enterprises that you both keep afloat on a daily basis. People are drawn to you both, and that has made you popular and gives you an advantage over other competitors.
    Running a niche business like yours along with regular duties though, must revolve around dealing with many people interested in all things Philippines, especially Mindanao, and they are your “bread and butter” customers. A certain amount of patience and sometimes hand-holding must be involved in your on-line and personal contact business, and that comes with the territory I guess. Along with the average appropriate questions and interested and interesting people that you must come in contact with, you probably have to deal with some people just wanting to pick your brain, put “the touch” on you, or some angry or jealous people that might take advantage of your good nature. Along with that must come the putting up with the many odd ducks that have settled there, or want to.
    It seems that the people that you’re angry about are the ones that have really taken advantage, Jealosy and bitterness are strong emotions that can really take over a big part of a person’s life sometimes.
    Individuals comparing themselves to others is not really a productive thing to do either I think, as we’re all different, with different mindsets, desires and backgrounds, so to draw any conclusions or comparisons is a waste of time. Not that people won’t do that though.
    So when you run a business like yours, dealing with a lot of personalities is a given. Kindness should not be mistaken for weakness though, so you both have a right to carefully pick the people that are going to be putting your efforts into or considering your friends. Queenie

    • Mars Z. says

      Bruce, some people “cannot handle the truth”, remember the movie? Lies or untruth if repeated often becomes their reality.

      Mars

    • says

      Hi queeniebee – For sure. Bob worked a lot of hours a day for the this site alone. He always answers every email that goes to him. Believed me he has way moooore email than I do. He always tells me to answers my emails and comments if I could right away. Bob had the LIP site for almost 7 years now. We had other sites that he runs for more than 15 years now too. Bob was one of the first guys to promote the Philippines on the internet when the net started. Bob wants the site to be family friendly. That anybody can read young and old.

      Truly we worked hard to make the sites work because that’s how we make our living. We strive hard to be good on what we do. I’ve been told by a friend a long time ago that being popular comes with a price sometimes. People get jealous and said some untrue stuff just to make themselves being talked about too. But, do they have to be so mean? Its ridiculous and hurtful sometimes though. Gosh, we met a lot of different people here with different personality, but enjoyed meeting them.

      I think I truly agree on what you wrote here. Always good to see you here. Thank you so much for the comment. I really appreciate very much Queenie.

      Have a good Sunday morning!

  17. mike henebry says

    I checked out the “Harry the Horse” web site that was mentioned in this series of posts. It is hilarious! Harry apparently is spoofing the ‘sex tourism’ web sites with his ‘tourist of the month’ and ‘I would if I could..’ (however, I will admit that some of the featured young ladies were quite attractive). It seeems like Harry is wasting his time on his extensive, monthly web magazine – he should lend his ‘talent’ to ‘Saturday Night Live’ or at least be featured on a ’60 Minutes’ expose.

    • HarryTheHorse says

      Again no-where in my site am i promoting the sex industry. You are right in saying that the girls are very attractive. That’s the advantage of having a Filipina compared to the stuck up western women that us expats and tourists have left behind. I’d like to say to those of you picking on tourists in Angeles City, how much does your marriage cost you comapared to a couple of nights of fun each week in Angeles City? It seems like those “losers” are not the stupud, degenerative drunkards you guys make them out to be. For the record my names not Harry

      • John Miele says

        Right. Not promoting the sex industry. You guys really are a piece of work. Please stay in Angeles… I may not be good for your health were we to bump into each other. You are truly a piece of shit Harry, Jim, or whatever that sow you called mama chose to name you.

  18. jonathan says

    Harry the Horse got his website earning a lot of hits because of his publicity here hahahahah

  19. Mark G. says

    Jim (Harry the Horse) really is a great guy. He’s retired US Air Force married to a Filipina. His place of business is in Angeles City and we all know what the main business is there. I’m sure he’s seen it all over the years. He works hard to keep everything on the up and up and isn’t afraid to call a spade a spade. He promotes the Philippines and Angeles City but he’s not afraid to take on the establishment there. He was president of the local businessmens council, working closely with the city and business owners to keep a lid on things. I guess he’s always had a live and let live attitude which kind of goes with the territory. From the tone of your article it’s clear to see you are at your wits end with some folks. I think he misunderstood where you are coming from.

  20. Mark G. says

    Of course we are assuming it’s the real Harry the Horse and not just someone using his handle.

  21. Buddy Love says

    LMAO Who’s pissed off HarryTheHorse!!! I heard he went back to the states for cancer treatment

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