One of the good things about riding jeepney, you can definitely hear different and interesting stories about life and to even sounding gossipy. LOL. Well, on one of my ride on the jeepney. I heard some interesting conversation between 3 ladies. That’s one thing about riding jeepney you will see people from different walks of life. I’ve seen from well to-do people to the the poor people. You can see many students that will ride jeepneys from grade school to college students. I enjoyed hearing them talks about anything. I also enjoyed watching the toddlers that talks nonstop. LOL But my post it’s not about the people that rides the jeepneys.
On one of my rides a week or so ago from near our house to the other part of the city, I heard an interesting story (as if I’m kinda eavesdropping, the story sounds interesting though). We usually ride jeepneys or taxi now whenever we go to the other side of the city. On the jeepney I was riding a few passengers already were riding ahead of me, I think around 8 or 9 passengers all together including the driver. Next to me to my left were 2 older ladies (one might be like 70’s and the other one might be like 50’s of age). I think they’re related and used to live near each other before, but I think the older one lived in a different barangay now (I just noticed the way the conversation was going, that’s why I said they lived apart). Definitely the younger lady across from the older lady was the daughter. I heard her address the oldest lady as Mama.
It was an interesting ride. The 50’s lady told the older lady that the neighbor they have is marrying someone from the middle east. The way I understand it, the lady that’s marrying someone from the middle east lives near the 50’s lady. But the older lady knows the lady that soon to-be-the bride. She said that the lady that’s going to marry has 3 growing kids already. The way they described it, the kids I’m guessing probably in high school and college. The talking got interesting when the 50’s lady said that “The soon to be bride will marry her soon to-be-groom, but asked him to give P50k to each of her 3 kids first”. They keep going on and on about it and kinda say some bad stuff about the lady that she’s just after the money. They said that they’re worried about the safety of the lady whenever she will be going to live in the middle east later. Hearing them talking most of the passengers just smile.
What do you guys think? Do you think it’s bad for the bride to-be to ask money for her kids from the groom-to-be? Do you think it was demeaning to ask that money for her kids future?
Problem is we don’t know the circumstances of the bride-to-be. It’s hard to pass judgement though. The way I understand from those ladies the groom-to-be is more than willing to give the money. I think he is even willing to buy a house for the kids when the mother lives with him to the middle east.
I’m sure you heard similar stories like these. Feel free to share the story and what’s your take on it. I highly appreciate your input.
Not really ‘demeaning’ in the context of Asia and the Middle East. Perhaps the money asked for was a form of dowry. Anyway, you do hear lots of interesting stories during such rides…
Hi Gerardo – Yeah, we do have dowry here. That’s the norm for our indigenous people here. I have few nephews that’s been married to our native people (Bla’an and from the Muslim tribe, I think Tausug. Not sure) in our town. The family of girl were asking some money and some horse and cows or something like that.
Thank you for your comment. Have a great day!
Mrs Feyma,
Without knowing the full story he maybe marrying the wrong Filipina. But again who knows. He could have already promised to give the kids money. I would also be leery of loving in the Middle East also.
Hi PapaDuck – I had that same thinking while listening to those ladies, but then again like what I said before we don’t really know the bride-to-be and her story. It’s so hard to say what I think when I don’t know her.
*** I would also be leery of loving in the Middle East also. *** —– I hear what you’re saying PapaDuck. Something for all ladies to think about.
Always good to see you here. Take care!
Hi Feyma,
What the ladies were talking about is called a “Dowry”, or at least a variation of that tradition: A Dowry is usually defined as the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband or his family in marriage. Most common in cultures that are strongly patrilineal and that expect women to reside with or near their husband’s family (patrilocality), dowries have a long history in Europe, South Asia, Africa, and other parts of the world.
You do have some interesting jeepneys there in Davao City.
Hi Richard – Well, I didn’t think of it as dowry at first since the lady is not from any indigenous tribe of Mindanao. But then again with the guy being from the middle east maybe it could be like that. Who knows really. Lol
I’m just hoping for the best for the lady and her soon to be husband.
Thank you for stopping by here. I really appreciate your comment!
Great Post. My Filipina wife said “Doesn’t the bride to be have any pride.” It is so wrong for the woman to ask the man for money. Once the kids are on the gravy train the begging for money will never stop.
This obviously isn’t a marriage built on love but someone seeking easy money. I bet the woman will never see a dime. Especially if the man has a brain.
Rusty
Hi Rusty – Thank you! I can see what your wife were saying.
*** Once the kids are on the gravy train the begging for money will never stop. *** — I’m hoping that the mom did not start the obvious unending cycle here in the Philippines. The family that’s left behind mostly will not seek employment here, since some members of the family works anyway. Crossing our fingers. 🙂
I can understand your last sentiments there. Hoping for the best of the lady.
Good to see you here. I really appreciate your input. Have a pleasant day!
I was in Starbucks sipping coffee and smoking a cigarette and i overheard a conversation between a middle-eastern man and a Filipino (probably a lawyer); they were talking in English and they were very loud.
To summarize their very long discussion, the middle-eastern man was trying to buy a Pinay wife and bring her to wherever he lives; i clearly understood that the Pinay girl would move to the middle-east to try to support her poor rural family, while the rich middle-eastern man just wanted to buy an obedient slave.
I won’t get into politics, this is not the right place to do it; i just wonder why doesn’t the rich middle-eastern man plan to move to the Philippines to live with his lovely and young Pinay.
I felt like punching both of them in the nose very hard because of the really sick level of their business transaction but i was a foreigner guest in a foreign country and i didn’t feel like dealing with the PNP; i wonder what will happen to that Pinay girl in the middle-east.
LB I totally agree with your assessment of the situation. Sad to say but I think the young girl does not understand what the life waiting for her in the middle east will be like. Everyone please pray for her safety if she moves there.
Just a thought but doesn’t this amount to human trafficking?
They guy basically wants to buy a wife and take her back home and is making a contract for it. I think, had I been there, that I would have been tempted to report these guys, take a few photos and attempt to record the conversation.
It is easy to say so, of course, when you are not there though!
I suppose that the lawyer makes the transaction in a way that it’s 100% legal; he probably gets paid for some kind of consultancy.
Some money will end in the poor Pinay girl’s family and everybody is happy, until the girl is eventually abused in her new country.
We read so many horror stories on this subject.
Hi LB – Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you didn’t do something to those people. They could really accused you of anything especially you don’t know them. You end up in jail for life. It’s not worth losing your cool over something you just overheard.
Problem here most of the time, the person(Pinay lady) wants to do something to improve the life of her family here. Almost always the people that she really made the sacrifices with don’t even appreciate what she’s done for them. Sadly it’s really the other unending cycles here in the Philippines.
Thank you so much for stopping by. Have a great day!
it sure seems like the lady wants the best for her family. Is it really worth the price she’ll pay. No, it isn’t.
A know a Filipina who said she’d rather return to the squatter area she lived. Why? Because the situations she faced in her marriage were horrible.
Rusty
Actually what it is called is bride price not dowry. Dowries go with the bride in order to set up house typically with the in-laws. Bride price is paid when the female contributes to her family’s income and by her leaving the family has to replace her income. It is common in Polynesia and other areas of Southeast Asia. In fact my father-in-law paid a bride price for my wife’s mother shortly after WWII in Northern Mindanao and they were just provincial not indigenous. It was called dote. In many cultures that practice bride price women are more highly valued than in cultures with dowries. The women often perform a valuable service for their family. Some of the Polynesian societies base wealth on the number of and health of pigs that you own and it is the wife that takes care of the pigs while the husband is out hunting and fishing. So good wives are highly valued since they have a direct impact on how wealthy you are.
As to this particular situation. The woman might be a significant contributor to her children’s income or support and knowing that they will not follow her to the Middle East so she wants the bride price to get them a start without her ongoing contribution.
Hi James – I think I can understand the dowry giving here for our indigenous people, I know they still practice that. But the way I understand the conversations of those ladies the bride-to-be, she’s not belongs to our native tribes here.
*** As to this particular situation. The woman might be a significant contributor to her children’s income or support and knowing that they will not follow her to the Middle East so she wants the bride price to get them a start without her ongoing contribution. *** — It more likely.
Good to see you here. Thanks for the comment.
Have a pleasant day!
It is very difficult to make a judgment on hearsay. But I am going to take the side of the Pinay. If I am going to leave my children and live far away from them, I am going to make sure that my children are left with some money for their subsistence and education. P50K is not a lot of money – that’s only a little over US$1,000.
I doubt very much that she’s thinking of a dowry. Any mother would not just leave their children without making sure they have some provision. Because who knows what will happen after she moves to the Middle East. That’s too far away for her to come to their rescue if some emergency happens.
And I would do the same thing if I don’t have money of my own. One has to do what needs to be done and am glad she knows her priority.
Different cultures. Different priorities.
Rusty
Hi Lou – Good thought and thank you for sharing. I’m pretty sure lots of Pinay will agree with you too.
I honestly hoping for the best and happiness of the bride-to-be.
Always good to see you here. Take care!
Yes, it sounds good having someone pay 50K for each childs well being. But is it really? Nope? The guy will expect something in return.
Bottom Line: Big mistake. I could go on but why?
Rusty
I must say that I pity the woman marrying a man from the Middle East, especially if she is required to move to a place governed by Shirea sp? Law. I’ve been told “Maid’s Stories” from women who worked in Saudi. Horror stories. The poor woman will be at the total mercy of the man’s (loosely speaking) family and their customs and laws. She is offering herself as a “sacricial lamb” in my opinion. She just does not have enough experience to protect herself. Yes, I pity her. It sounds more like entrapment, certainly “a deal”, and the poor woman will have little or no protection once she is on his turf! I have lived in the PI since 1992, and I’ve seen so very much to feel sorry about here. When I first stood in the streets of Manila, I literally shed tears! I had a practice of handing out pesos… but soon found that when I ran out, I would get semi-mobbed. “Where’s mine?” I had to stop doing that. After that I came upon situations where I could be helpful, like taking a sick and dying child to a doctor and getting her curative medicines. Things like that. But, one cannot save the world, though so much is pitiful to see going on. After awhile, the ex-pat becomes a bit callous, otherwise he could not stand to see all the suffering that goes on in the Philippines.
But, all in all at this point, I’d rather live HERE than in the decline, sadly, of America. Here an American can feel more FREE than in his own home country! And I’m not the only one who says the same!
Ditto
Hi Richard – Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It’s a good reading for our ladies that reads here.
I really appreciate your comment. Thanks for stopping by here.
Have a good day!
After almost 30 years with my Cebuana I can say that I learned much about P.I. Meeting and convincing her to marry me has resulted in wonderful times with her. I certainly don’t deserve her but I’m glad she said yes.
Concerning the comments about Filipinas marrying middle eastern men; bad mistake unless the girl has been raised Muslim in P.I.
Even at that my observations would be for Filipinas to not be swayed into that arrangement.
Filipinos are very polite in public and do not want to offend anyone, that is just one of their many great qualities, the other is their beautiful Asian features. ?
But getting back to the topic and the fact that as an American who doesn’t mind offending when it needs to be done; Filipinas will have nothing but trouble when marrying a middle eastern man. Why? One word, ISLAM. For you who I offend, too bad, but let’s just be honest. A Muslim man knows that when he moved back to his country he is back in Muslim territory and will revert to that immediately. The problem for the delicate Filipina is finding that Muslim men are allowed more than one wife, beating a wife is common, her conversion to Islam is mandatory, and anything she wants to do must be allowed by her husband. One more thing, she should not think that the Muslim family will accept her, she will always be an outsider.
If there are any middle eastern men who read this you know what I’m saying is correct.
My advice; do not marry a Muslim if you were not raised in that belief or culture.
Hi John – Thank you for sharing here. Something for our ladies to think about.
Again thank you for stopping by here and dropping a comment here. Highly appreciated!
It would be a hige mistake for her to marry a man from the middle east under those circumstances. Marrying someone from the States is tough enough. Even if they are the same religion with the same principles/beliefs.