Would acts like these bother you?

A few days ago while reading and browsing something in the internet here at our office, my niece who was just sitting next to me who also browsing on her computer on the web, came across an article on the net about a famous politician here in the Philippines. The guy who’s been really famous and been seen a lot on many big events here in the country, has been living with a teenager (a 14 year old girl). When she first mentioned to me about what that politician did, I told my niece “you were kidding right?” She said no, it’s really on the news. Why I said she’s kidding because at that time when the politician supposed to be with that girl, he was living-in with a woman who happened to be from the school that I used to go to. They were still together when he was with the teenager. I think he also had his legal wife when he was with these 2 ladies.

Just Sayin'

Just Sayin’

So why it bothered me, I’ve been hearing the brouhaha when foreigners get a younger lady (I mean an 18 year old lady, and the guy might be over 50 years old or something) to be his girlfriend. I don’t judge them of what they are doing, as long as they are happily in-love. I mean the two of them. As long as the guy is not blinded by love and not ending up with nothing. It goes with any guys here (Filipinos or not). If they are in-love why not. But not with the 14 year old though. For me that’s that’s just too sickening. As if he was sleeping with the same age as his granddaughter. You know what I mean?

My niece continued on reading the article and hearing from it, the girl went to the politician asking for help for her to finish up her studies. Her family was poor then (I’m sure not after the politicians helped). Not really sure what kind of help shes asking, maybe just like a scholarship or something like that. I saw the picture of the girl on the web, she really is a stunning one. I don’t think they mentioned on the article on how long after she asked the politician to help her that they became lovers. It mentioned that they have kids now too. I think they said she’s now on her mid 20′s and the politician I think if I remember his age is just a little over 70 years old.

Honestly I am not trying to make an argument here, I just want something for us to think about. I never heard anything like any big deal or big discussion in the media over the incident with the politician. But if the foreigner would do the act, you will see them discussing the issue over and over either TV or radio or some other place. Is it in our culture here to accept if it is in the same race? Or we just so acceptable for these kind of actions here because seeing men here have multiple partners? Are we just not easy to accept if the guy is not from the Philippines? It is a mind puzzling thing for me. Both of them are not acceptable to me, I mean the multiple partners and the sleeping with the teenager. Been hearing on gossip (blind items) about some of the politicians here with multiple girls on the side. I just didn’t realize though that some of them would go for teenagers though. Hmmm… Really interesting to think about it since people in this country, more than 70% I think were Catholics. Oh well, talking about Catholics, I’ve heard of a priests having lady on the side (that’s another story for me to blog here soon).

What do you think? I would be happy to hear of what you think.

Chocolates at WowPhilippines

Cheers!

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Post Author: Feyma (312 Posts)

Feyma Martin is a Columnist here on the Live in the Philippines Web Magazine, she is the wife of site Publisher, Bob Martin. Feyma is originally from the Philippines, but went to the USA for 10 years after marrying Bob in 1990. Bob & Feyma moved to the Philippines to live permanently in 2000.


Comments

  1. Gary Wigle says

    A man that old with a girl that young? Kinda like shooting pool with a rope. :-P Doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.

      • ian says

        I am surprised to hear you say that there a “lot” of expats doing exactly the same thing. In fact in 4 years of living here I have never heard of even one expat living with a 14 year old . It is my understanding that it doesnt happen because it is very illegal. But i am only familiar with Davao and Cebu- where is it that you are referring to that all these 14 year olds are living with foreigners ?? Have you reported them all to the police? I know someone in the NBI – maybe he can arrange to meet with you and get all the details of all these foreigners. In fact they are committing a crime in their own country so possibly we can get the FBI involved also [ if they are American ]

        • says

          In, just because you have not heard of something does not mean that it does not happen. I personally know of more than one such incident. One in Davao and more than one in Cebu. Authorities are aware too. Several expats in Cebu are even in jail for such incidents in Cebu.a

        • says

          Ian – I mislead you i did not mean 14 year olds but 18 year old well I think they are you see this all the time in the major cities of the Philippines.
          Regards.
          Jim.

  2. says

    HI Gary Wigle – Yep, so true. I agree with you it just doesn’t make a lot of sense. They might think that they are something to have a teen girlfriend.

    Good to see you again here. Have a good weekend ahead!

  3. AmericanLola says

    Yes, they bother me. I don’t think this is anything new, however. Ever since I’ve been here (24 years) I’ve heard of older men taking advantage of girls with no other resources; ‘sponsoring’ them in beauty contest, giving ‘scholarships,’ and so on. Where are the parents in these situation? Burning a candle, thanking god for this great ‘opportunity’ for their child?! What are the parents thinking who gladly send their daughters to be japayukis, knowing it is prostitution, and giving them a hero’s welcome with they come home with a lot of expensive gifts…

    It seems that some very important things (what God thinks, a girl’s innocence, how a girl will view herself, her children’s future, and so on) are for sale, and for not much money. I have a friend whose mother told her, “Go to the internet cafe and find a foreign husband! If you marry a Filipino I will not speak to you!!” It was all about money… for the mother. So, my question is, where are the parents, who should be protecting these girls? How valuable is an education paid for by becoming a kabit? How valuable is the house built by a daughter’s prostitution? Shouldn’t the parents of that girl say to her, “No, you are worth a thousand times more that what he can pay! Some things are worth more than schooling. No.”

    • says

      Hi AmericanLola – Yep, what you describes I’ve heard that too and saw some. It’s really hard to swallow the thoughts sometimes that the parents were the one pushing their kids to do these kind of act. I know somebody that pushes her girls to work while going to school. She never asked where did they get the money that they gave her. She never bothered to asked her girls what kind of job they have when every late at night different car would take them home. For her as long as they hand her the money, what they did just didn’t matter to her.

      Talking about the internet, mom’s even accompany their daughters to the cafe and she knows that sometimes the daughter show off some flesh. but then again they just look away as long as in a few days they will get the money in the bank or Western Union. Really sad.

      I guess at the end because of greed, people will do anything to have the big dollars in the bank and the material things that will satisfy their eyes.

      Good to see you again here AmericanLola. Have a good weekend ahead!

  4. Jim Hannah says

    There comes a point when an older guy needs to look in the mirror and say “no” don’t you think. Not that I’m ageist, I have had a number of younger girlfriends; one was 18 when I was 35, though she was a very mature eighteen if you know what I mean, and for neither of us was it anything other than just having a good time travelling and laughing about life. But 14? You just need to get a grip and say NO!

    • says

      HI Jim Hannah – I’ve seen 18 years old who are more mature in thinking than other older people. You are lucky to have found the right one for you.

      Gosh, we have two 15 years old in our house and I can say that they are still not mature enough to think about life. I could never imagine our girl having a husband and baby at that age. I mean she decides a lot of stuff, but at times we also guide her on what to do in life. That age they still needs guidance from the parents.

      YEP, BIG NO, NO TO MARRYING TEENS!

      Thank you for your nice comment. Have a great day!

  5. says

    It’s ‘ok’ as long as the guy is rich or powerful. Look at Hugh Hefner. It all comes down to money. I don’t judge anybody, and I believe people find love.. but I really don’t think a rich teenage girl, or one with love from her parents, would be looking for a much older man in the first place. It’s a symptom of poverty.

    • Dave says

      There was an online poll taken early last year here in the Philippines.

      They asked “What would you rather have, a rich ugly man or a handsome poor man?” Close to 60% of them responded “Ugly Rich Man”

      BTW: In the news Aug 2nd, a 81 year old Filipino male married a 24 yr old Filipina.

    • says

      Hi Stacey – Really sad, that the girls find Hugh Hefner and his young bribe to be their real model. To think as if Hugh was changing partners as if he was just changing pajamas.

      The Filipino values are already drifting. More parents pushing their kids to be on the net looking for guys to be married or get money with.

      God Bless!

  6. Scott Fortune says

    Isn’t that illegal in the Philippines? If it is illegal, and it’s true, then why doesn’t the law enforcement agencies prosecute this man? I’m sure there’s no time limit on statutory rape. And if there are children, they could prove it through DNA matches, age of child vs. age of mother, etc. It’s wrong, plain and simple. She’s nothing more than a child, being abused.

    • says

      Hi Scott Fortune – Welcome to the Philippines…. Honestly the sad part, the guy was even interviewed by the famous talk show host here. It seems okay to her when she found out. It shocked her for a few seconds and she continue on the interview as if no big deal. I think it would have been different if its foreigner that did that. I thing she might make a big deal out of it. I am just guessing. Maybe she might not. Hopefully they will be fair to the foreigner if ever too. I’m definitely not in favor of older guys dating teens. But I am just saying that her reaction to that politician and the foreigner should be the same.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate very much!

  7. Lenny says

    I got married when I was 18 to my wife when she was 14 1/2..of course she did not look her age, and she was intelligent, the only reason we did that… was.. her parents tried to break us up, we had already been together 1 year, she was my first…Anyway we stayed together 35 years had alot of children untill she passed away 10 years ago.. I stayed pretty much to myself a couple of years had a couple of girlfriends but just did not care for them, after a long time with one woman it seems you want a replica of sorts and that is hard to find..However I did find a girl and she is much younger than me here in the Philipphines and we have been together 7 years…I knew from the start she would be the one..Only Talking by phone everyday etc… for 1 year….I sold everything without even meeting her in person and came to her…I feel that if a Man is a Man he can make correct decisions…But for a Man you describe in your article here, he is not what I would call a class act…He has 3 women, society has taught us different ..He needed to be that Man I talked about and walked away at the start…But you do mention she is still with him and has children ..evidently she must love him…????….I don’t know the complete story,,, but it was wrong of him… to do that to her at such an early age given his age at the time….

    • says

      HI Lenny – I’m glad that it worked out for you even you guys were married young. I’m sorry to hear that she passed away.

      I’m glad you found love again for the second time around. I hope for the best for you and your wife. You must have like living here? Since you already lived here for 7 years now. I’m happy for you.

      Have a great and fun life.

  8. messtime says

    I have been told that having one wife/one husband is the preferred correct way for marriage. Also, that marriage should be between one man and one woman (i do not know if polygamy is moral or not, according to the Bible, – being married to multiple wifes or husbands). Any sexual relations with another person outside of your married partner is considered ‘Adultery’ by some authorities. Having a ‘mistress’ or another woman on the side is adultery. It is not immoral for a married couple to have a wide age spread difference: For example it is a moral relationship for a 70 year old man to marry a 14 year old girl, may not be a good idea, but still moral. As an example, it is immoral for a 70 year old man to have unmarried sexual relations with another closer age woman or any age woman. The term ‘marriage’ is key. Age makes no difference morally. I have noticed through the years in the United States older couples telling me that the wife was 15 years old when they got married. In the older days it was more common for younger girls to get married while still 14 or 15 years old, and i believe a lot of very good marriages resulted from these unions. It is even possible that in the USA, girls as young as 12 were allowed to get married depending on the circumstances, i am talking about like in the 1800′s. It is not immoral for a couple to get married for ‘practical’ reasons (marriage of convenience), like for a better life or sexual fulfillment. Arranged marriages are not immoral. Getting legally married is the key, the age difference or type of relationship does not define the morality of the relationship.

    • says

      Hi messtime – I think we already know that in a marriage it consist of man and woman. I don’t have problems when an older guy married a younger one just not like a teen girl.

      All you’re saying is true. It’s moral for them to be married. But the politician that we are talking about were not legally married. I think he was still married to the first wife. Also I was saying that if a Filipino guy do that kind of stuff I think people are more acceptable. BUT, if the foreigner would do the same, I think they make a big deal out of it.

      I’m sure the old days some people were married young and some parents even arranged it. That’s the old days though. I think we are more free now who we chose to be married with.

      Thank you for your comment. God bless!

  9. Mimi_dearest says

    Hmmmmm. Just throwing the following out there:

    1. The Blessed Virgin Mary is believed by some to have been 15 years old when she gave birth to Jesus. That means she was pregnant at 14 years of age.
    2. In the Philippines, muslim Filipinos are allowed four wives under the law. They have to divorce one wife to take a fifth. Catholic Filipinos are not so lucky.
    3. Gandhi was married to his wife at 12. His wife was 11.
    4. Both my grandmothers were married off at 12 before the Spanish-American War of 1898.
    5. My paternal grandmother was born to a very rich Spaniard (an ‘insulares’ and a magistrate) who had no male issue. During the Spanish occupation of the Philippines, only males of Spanish descent (including mestizos) were permitted to be educated in Spanish. This meant only male Spaniards knew the law, which was written in Spanish. Male ‘indios’ and all females regardless of race and fortune were out of luck. My great grandfather was afraid his daughters (who stood to inherit a great deal of property) would be taken advantaged of by the men they married. So to protect them, he taught his daughters to read and write in Spanish. He also betrothed my grandmother at birth to his best friend, who was in his early thirties at the time of the betrothal.
    6. My maternal grandmother had a similar story. But unlike my paternal grandmother, she was ‘indio’ and dirt poor. She was married off to a sixty-year old man with property.

    Needless to say, both women had lovers on the side. My mother was educated in English in the public school system set-up by the Americans. She became a lawyer and married for love at the age of 24. She told me not to marry a Filipino. “Marry an American,” she said. “At least you can divorce him.”

    Hey, sometimes you have to do what you got to do. ;-)

    • says

      Hi Mimi_dearest – Are we just accepting the Filipinos that do that act? Why are they making a big deal if its foreigners that do that? Are Catholics just not so acceptable? It’s something to think about.

      I’m pretty sure you are not too proud of your grandmothers who had lovers on the side? You had some family thing going there…

      >>>She told me not to marry a Filipino. “Marry an American,” she said. “At least you can divorce him.”<<<<…. Follow your heart. Hope you will make the right choice…

      Good luck to you!!!

      • Mimi_dearest says

        Dear Feyma,

        At 12 years of age, my grandmothers had no choice. These were “arranged marriages”, rather common back then during the Spanish colonial period. Now, it’s considered statutory rape and pedophilia.

        Now the “lovers on the side” were a problem. Especially since death was usually the penalty for adultery back then (and still is for the muslims). Later, adultery became a crime that carried a penalty of two years of imprisonment. Now, I believe adultery is not considered a crime anymore. Just a basis for annulling a marriage.

        For my Spanish grandmother, it was not a big problem. Her father was a magistrate of the courts and a rich, powerful man. When her adulteries were discovered, her husband transferred all his properties to her and left (never to be heard from again).

        My maternal grandmother, on the other hand, did not come from a rich family. And, lucky for her, her adulteries were not discovered before her husband died. But practically on the same day her husband died, she and my grandfather left town to marry and pretty much scandalized the whole family. Good thing the Second World War broke out. It helped everyone forget because there were more important things to worry about.

        The idea of marrying for love is a western idea and was actually introduced by the Americans in the Philippines. Unfortunately, while Filipinos liked the idea of romantic love, they neglected to allow for divorce in the making of their laws (except, of course, for muslim men. Muslim women cannot divorce.)

        My mother belonged to the first generation of Filipinos under the Americans. Her marriage to my father was a mixed marriage. My parents were not raised in the same culture or language or even on the same food. My father’s family was of Spanish descent. My mother’s family was ‘Indio’. Their marriage was the first mixed marriage on both sides. And both sides of the family objected.

        My mother’s father tried to stop the marriage. My grandfather said to her (in Tagalog, of course) that he did not have the money to protect her in the marriage (‘at iba ang ugali nila’). The marriage was a disaster.

        I was sent abroad to study when I was 18. My father did not want me to return to the Philippines because of Martial Law. My mother assumed I (and my two other sisters who were already abroad) were probably going to end up marrying Americans. She did not want us to marry Filipinos because, as a lawyer, she knew there is no divorce in the Philippines. She did not want us to be in the same predicament she found herself in — a bad marriage and no money of her own. She told me to keep separate bank accounts, which I did not do. But my ex-husband was a fair man.

        I married an American. We divorced after 10 years of marriage because he did not want children. And frankly, I had my own money and no kids. I did not have to stay in the marriage if I did not want to. My older sister also married an American and is still married to the same man after 32 years. They have two kids. My younger sister also married an American (unfortunately in the Philippines.) She needed an annulment from the Philippine government and the Catholic Church AND a divorce from Washington, DC. Like me, she is childless. My brother married a Filipina in the Philippines, but not in the Catholic Church. He only needed his marriage to be annulled by the Philippine government. His second marriage (also to a Filipina) is doing better. He has four kids — one by his first wife and three by his second. Not surprisingly, my youngest brother is not married.

        Mixed marriages are difficult — even for Filipinos. And in a country of 7,100 islands, 65 basic languages and 300 dialects, most Filipino marriages will be mixed.

        I’ve been divorced now over 15 years. I don’t find having lovers a problem. However, marriage would be a problem. Or to put it bluntly, protecting my assets in a marriage would be a problem especially here in the Philippines. And it would be better for me to marry an American rather than a Filipino because at least he cannot take my properties in the Philippines away from me if we split. Foreigners cannot own property in the Philippines.

        But I realize that as Filipinas go, I’m very lucky. But I refuse to stand in judgement of any Filipina who must marry for money. It is still a man’s world out there. And if a woman wasn’t born to a rich father, she will have to find a rich husband. If she’s lucky, he might even be a good man. If she’s really lucky, he might even be a good lover. But hey, that might be pushing it.

        • says

          Jim.
          Hi Mimi_dearest – Well said and if more women had the guts like you to come out and say it as it is then maybe the Philippines would be less attractive a hunting ground for the less than sincere predators that stalk your shores in search of a gullible women.
          Regards.
          Jim.

        • says

          Jim.
          Hi Mimi_dearest – Well said and if more women had the guts like you to come out and say it as it is then maybe the Philippines would be less attractive a hunting ground for the less than sincere predators that stalk your shores in search of gullible women.
          Regards.
          Jim.

        • says

          HI Mimi_dearest – Wow, what a life story you had there. You could write a telenovela (soap opera) for that. Very interesting.

          Thank you so much for sharing here. Have a good weekend!

  10. Jamie says

    So, Mimi_dearest, what I am hearing is that what is good for the goose, is good for the gander (or vice-versa). The cougar movement is alive and well. My two brothers have both married woment more than ten years older than theirselves.

    Your stories of your grandmothers’ histories demonstrates that true partnership commitment is often difficult with marriage at such a young age. How did you become aware of your gradmothers’ indescretions? Was it common knowledge within your family? I wonder what effect this had on their children.

    • Mimi_dearest says

      Dear Jamie,

      My mother told me the story. It was probably common knowledge in my father’s family, but I did not speak Spanish. I was raised in English because it was my mother’s and my father’s only common language. I suspect my mother discovered it in the course of her investigations into my father’s assets. She wanted to sue for a separation of the conjugal partnership. When she found the titles to the ancestral properties (which were written in Spanish and my mother had to learn Spanish as a lawyer), they were all in the name of my father’s older sister. Apparently, my grandmother’s husband transferred all his properties to his daughter. My father was not yet born at the time. My mother was told her mother-in-law was a widow.

      There is just too much drama in this family. I can write a novel.

  11. says

    Hi Feyma- The longer I stay in the Philippines I’m neither shocked or surprised by what goes on here. I now ask myself who am I to judge anyone for whatever they do as whatever I think or say will not make one iota of difference.
    Regards.
    Jim.

    • RandyL says

      Feyma, Jim ~ This is one example of why I have taken up Libertarian views during the later part of my life. I’ve traveled a lot during my lifetime, including living in and traveling throughout the Western Pacific, and have seen so many things that would make most Conservative’s heads spin. IMO, things will not change, nor can one person make a difference in changing most things they disagree with. Greed always runs deep and hypocrisy runs deeper, regardless of generation or locale. You can only live your life within the morals you’ve adopted as your own. In some places, some things are just overlooked a little more. In the Philippines they just say bahala na (whatever will be, will be). :)

    • says

      Hi Jim – Been hearing and seeing lots of it here. To be totally honest, I don’t really care what other people do with their lives. For me as long as it would not affect me and my family I don’t really give a big deal about it.

      Have a good weekend there in Talakag Jim!

  12. says

    Hello Feyma

    Firstly I would like to say that there are alot of so called Christians in this world. Christians on Sunday only and then the mask only goes back on if a Priest or church official is present. These people are only fooling themselves.

    Secondly, I married my 19 year old wife in Davao while I was 45. 3 months after our marriage she moved to Canada. It has been 11 years now, our girls are now 4 and 10 years old. We are still happily married and love one another very much. My wife is the best thing that ever happened to me.
    So I would like to say that things can workout between 2 people. 14 though is way too young. When I met my wife I was lead to believe she was older but that is no excuse or made a difference in the end.
    I did travel to Davao 4 times before we were married.

    We do get starres from people in the mall time to time. Once a woman and man were walking by us and she had a scoll on her face looking at us. Her husband with her back turned looked at me and gave me a thumbs up.

    We do not let things like this bother us. As I told my wife, they do not pay our bills or lay in our bed. By the way we are Christians day in and day out.

    Don Russell

    • says

      That’s a nice story, Don. I bet she still looks a lot younger then 29, and turns a lot of heads! Lucky you could get here to Canada in only 3 months in those days.

      • says

        Stacey, thankyou.

        You are correct my wife still looks younger than 29.
        I had applyed for her moving to Canada 4 months before we were married. I did have a hard time of it. Going to Manila a few times. Alot of praying and pushing on my end payed off.
        By the way my wife is still a pure Filippino, shoes and purses galor…….Cinnamon helps with the stinky fish. Still cannot say sheets though it’s still shits…He He.

        One thing I did make sure of is when something ever happens to me that they are well taken care of finacially. This is one thing that most men should be able to do if having kids and marrying a younger woman.
        Don R.

    • Mimi_dearest says

      I wouldn’t let the stares bother me. The age difference between my sister and my American brother-in-law is only two years. But many Americans would mistake my sister for the baby-sitter. While this made my sister uncomfortable, my poor brother-in-law was forced into coloring his mustache and his hair to look younger. Then people started to mistake her daughter for a sister…

    • says

      Hi Don R. – I’ve known people that married same age as you guys. Same with you they still stay married for a long time. To be honest, I don’t care how old people when get married. I have problems when a politicians/high up businessman married a younger lady and it’s not a big deal, but then when a foreigner married a younger one and they made a big deal out of it. I think just want a fair treatment.

      Thank you so much for the comment. Have a wonderful day!

      • says

        Hello Feyma,

        I do agree with you….I find in the Philippines that alot of people here use there power to rule over others. Be it the Immigration, politician, banker or even alot of ordinary Filippinos coming back from other countries ……People tend to forget where they came from very quickly……

        I find it nice that Filippino people look up to me sometimes but not when it comes ahead of anyone else…Such as putting me ahead of people waiting for a while..I am no better and no lower than anyone else in this world……..People forget to love people and use material things .Instead we use people and love material things…….These high and mighty fellows will fall someday and won’t know how to handle it when it comes.

        God Bless
        Don R.

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