A few days ago I got a surprise text from my sister that a member of our family got pregnant. That sad part on this is the girl, she’s less than a year from graduating college. She didn’t even bother to informe her parents before the beginning of the enrollment that she will not be going back to school. Instead she let them spend a lot of money for the school tuition and uniforms. I know she’s really scared in telling her parents, but she should also think that the parents are in deep trouble with money just for her to continue. I’m pretty sure the parents borrowed money before enrollment starts. Well, she should have known the consequences.
I guess they tried to drop all of her subjects, but now, the school told her that they will not give any refund to the money that they paid the school. She was studying in a nice university, so the tuition is not cheap. The guy, he is also a student, a classmate of hers. The family doesn’t want that they will get married because as if both are not ready. As far as I know only the mom wanted them to get married. I guess the boyfriend said to the family that he is not yet ready to get married at this time. He wants to graduate first and find a job. For a lot of the sibling and the Dad they don’t want to force the guy into marriage, they want that after the baby’s born, let the girl go back to college and see if she still wants to marry the guy. They are both young and jobless to begin with.
I am really shocked with the generation now. A lot of the students now get pregnant, it seems. Just like our niece. We sent her to the best school here in Davao. Two years later in college she decided to move out to have a lot of freedom. We talked her into not moving out just finish school and she can move out after. At the end she decided to move out and a year later she had baby. I found out now that all of them in her circle of friends got pregnant out of wedlock. It is sad but I think they think its the trend nowadays, to have baby. They think it’s fun. I can see now that my niece was just played upon by that guy. He doesn’t really want to marry her, but she believes in what he said. We know its a bunch of lies. We just don’t want to get involved in it anymore, its her life. The same thing with the member of the family now. We don’t get involved, just that feeling sorry for the parents who work hard for their kids to finish up school and end up not finishing up.
Lucky for this girl that got pregnant now, most of her siblings finished up college and have job. The thing is, are they willing enough to sacrifice later for her to go back to school? They might already be getting married and have family of their own. Then she will end up not a graduate of college, and get a low paying job. As you know here it is hard to get a job if you are not a college graduate. Gosh, it’s a dilemma here continuously. Really I hope that the youngsters nowadays will get lesson that to have a baby is very expensive.
Hi Feyma,
I just read in the papers that a high school in the eastern US has 17 girls all pregnant. It seems they are all friends and made a pact to each have a baby and raise them together. They thought it would be FUN. Their parents are horrified. And I would think and ashamed that it made CNN news.
Kids are kids no matter where they are from. They just don't think . Sadly they are too selfish and self centered to care about the consequences for those around them.
I know that your heart is hurting for her and her family.
G'day Feyna…
It's true..now a days the new generation doesn't think of the consequences and neither to be responsible for their own action.. 🙄 😐 …sometimes even exceed to the expectation that they are gonna be supported of the family anyway…
They happend to forgot the first rule…To say NO NO right from the start..to be carefull…To look around and see for themself what others had gone through..no need to have the same case as others..just by observing ..and some common sense…it will add to their maturity level of understanding what is their responsibility for themself is all about …
Anyway hopefully..to what happened to her it won't gonna be a hindrance for her to move on..learn from it..and move on…. ➡ ➡ the key word is to move on….it's there..it happened…face it and do something about it….my advice would be for her to go back to school if given another chance..that is a good start… 😉
Hi Feyma 😐 …its a sad news. Even my friend here in Sydney asked me, why is it in the Philippines most of the time, the guy doesnt marry her unless she got pregnant.Its sad. Most of i know in the Philippines is like this situation now. Even my cousin got pregnant and the guy dont want anything to do with the baby. Just playing around. It made me sick.I guess it wont get better soon…its getting worst. I heard alot of the same situation as this. Its not good.. 🙁
Have a nice day…regards to your family 😐
Berlin from Sydney
Hi Tyleen -Yeah I saw that in the CNN News a few weeks ago. It was a shocking announcements of those girls. Oh yeah they just thought if they all got pregnant its just cool. They didn't realize though that when the baby comes out the hard work and sacrifices that they have to do. I would be horrified too if I was one of the parent of those girls. The teenagers are really something nowadays.
I really do hope that all the girls in my family really gets a lesson from all this!
Thank you so much for dropping by!
HI Jocelyn – I know we have to wonder what would happen to some of the teenagers now? As if they don't know how to be responsible nowadays. The sad part they could end giving up the kid because of hard life.
I hope she can move on. Hopefully the family will always be there to support though. Gosh, it's going to be a tough road ahead of here. I hope she would be strong for her baby's sake.
Thank you so much for stopping by!
Hi Berlin Austin – It is a sad situation. The thing that bothers me they already know that life is tough but still they go out and have fun and get pregnant. They think that its okay. They still didn't realize the big responsibility ahead when they have baby. I think the situation with your cousin is the same as with my family member. The guy doesn't really want to get involve at the moment. My family has to wait I think when he is ready. Gosh, he didn't think that before they did something. I don't know, what the world we are in…
Hope your cousin did learn a lot with her situation now? Thank you for sharing and take care and God Bless!
hello feyma,
The thing is the world is telling them (the teenagers) that it's okay to engage in premarital sex but they didn't know that the world also lied to them about the consequences of their actions.
Sometimes we learned our lesson the hard way…
God bless you and more power to LIP…
Hello again Feyma…its sad for the baby. The thing that shocked me about my cousin is a school teacher. She should have known better. They they will know how tough it is when the baby comes.Thats when they realized it. I feel for the baby though.
Hey this is cool site..i been reading this blog of yours and Bob for about 3 yrs now. I enjoyed it. I find this interesting blog. Keep well and keep us inform whats happening in Davao. Cant wait to get there for holiday next year.
Regards
Berlin 😐
Hi Feyma
missed your post for a few days but read it now and also all the responsible comments and i hope i don't upset people BUT
since coming here (only lived here for 6 months) and;
1. Knowing how family oriented the philippines is and;
2. knowing how strong the influence is here of the catholic church and of course other religions but basically the catholic church
i have been surprised (very surprised) by the numbers of either unwanted pregnancies, or children born where the father doesn't want to know the responsibilities of his actions
in the west i thought this was the erosion of traditional values, sorry to say this also may be the case here
just some observations thats all
kamusta feyma
i have kind of the same situation in philippines.but the differance is that my mother in law is pregnant by this guy who says he has lots of land and lots of money.i guess he is just a big story teller because im still the one to pay all for everything.if she depended on his money to eat she would have starved to death months ago.i told my fiancee in the beginning when her mom first met this guy that actions speak louder then words.my fiancee told me of wonderful storys this guy was telling them.utopia in the gardens of heaven.mabe im a skeptic but i have heard all this before from scam artist.i warned my fiancee not to believe everything he said.im afraid to say i was right.i guess now im faced with paying all hospital costs and clothing and im sure vitamins and milk.i allready have an entire family depending on me and draining all my funds.i love them all dearly and dont mind helping but i never expected or agreed to supporting and sending them all to collage.sometimes paradise can be very much the oppasite.
salamat feyma
I guess this is an old story, isn't it? In a way, the fact that it's an old story is directly related to my point actually. I think we all have to accept, whether we like it or not, we now live in a modern world in the 21st Century, and boys and girls have sex. And why shouldn't they, it's quite enjoyable isn't it? In many ways, the culture in the Philippines regarding sexual freedom today reminds me of life in the UK and probably also the US in the 1940's. (From books and TV etc. I might add, I'm not old enough to remember the 1940's 😆 ) Anyway, it will move on, and sexual freedom will become more acceptable. But along with that freedom, comes responsibility, and one should take responsibility for one's own actions, whether male or female. The problem is that the current culture imposes guilt on a girl who perhaps goes on the contraceptive pill "just in case", and therefore she will have a certain reservation about doing so. (What if Mom or Dad found out??????) Of course the guys should be carrying a male contraceptive if he doesn't want to become a father yet, but clearly that isn't working out either. So, my point is that the culture needs to (and inevitably will) change, but it is at least in part responsible for problems like this. After all, each generation seems to think that it invented sex, but I suspect that my Grandparents did it in their day too.After all, it's human nature, and that can't be controlled by religion or culture, much as they might insist on trying.
I do feel sorry for this girl in this situation though, there will be tough times ahead, but you know, my Mother once used a very true phrase: "Each new Baby brings it's own love into the world when it's born, regardless of any other circumstances".
Hi Feyma,
You're post reminded me of my own lifestory. I eloped with my childhood friend when I was 16 (huh)..Nevery listened to anyone, not even my own mom. My family were all upset. I was taking up nursing at that time ( about 15 years ago). We were the same age, but he was still in high school. imagine how my parents reacted to that? They tried to get me back, moved to Manila but then found my way back in Davao again after 1 month. I lived with him at his parent's house. We could not get married yet because both of us are minors. we had out first child when I was 19, second child at 21, We got married after 6 years. we are still happily married up to this day ( in God's grace )..But there's something that I truly fear about. My daughter is already a teenager, and your post just scared me so much…As a mother ( now I understand how my mother felt ), I only want what's best for my children. I hope my daughter will not turn out to be just like me. ..
Hi Ringgay – I can't agree you more. No sense of responsibility anymore. At the end the little one is the one that suffer.
Thank you so much for dropping by! Take care!
Hi Berlin Austin – Thats the hard thing seeing the little one suffer. As we know nowadays everything is expensive. Gosh, how would they manage to feed the baby?
I'm glad you like our site. Hope to see you when you come to Davao on your next vacation.
Thanks again for stopping by!
Hi Rick B – Don't worry a lot of people observed that too.
It really shocked me too now that the teenagers just think its okay to engaged in premarital sex. Lots of this teenagers are studying in Catholic school. I wonder if is it because too many places for them to hang out now? Like a lot of this girls they are staying in a boarding house, some will sneak out to be with the boyfriend and end up drinking too much. Next time they know it they are already in the motel.
Gosh, What a world! 🙁
Hi Ron W – I think its just human nature that we are so gullible. My goodness you really had a big dilemma there. I don't know what to say, just that they are not your responsibility. I am sorry, but you might really have to tell them to get a life and be responsible.
Honestly they will never learn if you always take care of them. Let them be responsible for once.
Good luck to you!
Hi Jim Hannah – You got that right. Everything you said is true. Do you think the youngsters acting like this because of the environment there in? The peer pressure. For them I think It's cool to have sex a lot. For the boys collecting how many girls does he has in bed with? For the girls the popular kid in school she will sleep with? It's just like a contest for them. Not thinking of what the consequences of their actions.
Really at the end the baby will be the one end up suffering especially if both the boy and girl are not ready to be a parent. Mostly the grandparents end up taking care of the baby.
Anyway, thank you so much for stopping by!
Hi Feyma, excellent article. I hope YOUR LAST SENTENCE will be read my many young girls. We just heard from a 15 years old FIlipina getting pregnant… The "father' disappeared… 🙄
If I had a dollar for every single mum I have spoken to in the Pines, i would be a millionare. Unfortunately this situation will continue for many years to come. Early education by the parents and the schools will slow the problem down.
May I add, if the couple got married first the single mum problem will umm nearly disappear lol
Hi Klaus – Thank you very much. Wow, 15 years old thats really young to be a mom though. I can't imagine how is she going to handle the baby. You know what I mean? As if the pregnant girls now are getting younger and younger. How sad.
Hey how are you guys doing? How's Rose and Mutti?
Hi Peter Mystakas – I agree with you early education really is the solution. The only thing in our culture we hardly talk about sex education in the house with the parents. I think the school now starts teaching as early as fourth grade. It's good. Still wonder why lots of girls get pregnant, not sure if they are just curious and didn't think of the outcome.
Not sure if they are really ready to get married. It might be better not to get married though. Just try staying together if it work out then get married.
I know in a Christian way they should be married. Hopefully both parties are mature enough to take the responsibilities.
Thank you so much for dropping by!
I wonder if mankind will ever accept that sex is a wonderful experience especially for young adults. It should not be discouraged it should be expected and precautions need to be taken to prevent unwanted circumstances from occuring. Sex is too awsome an experience for the young in particular. Stop the insanity of denying them the right and just teach protection and to enjoy life. It makes sense to me.
As a Father of 5 grown children, three of whom are daughters, I understand the pain of this family. On my first visit to RP I spent time with a family that adopts children of the city in Tacloban City, Leyte Province that dont have parents living with them. I saw a small girl about 8 – 10 and asked what happened to her parents. Well they told me the mother works in Davao as a Domestic, and that her Father was a Missionary, and so I asked in what country, they said he was a missionary in the city of Tacloban! That he NEVER helps to pay for the support of this girl his daughter. One of the problems, in my small viewpoint, is that the Fathers dont have to pay to support the child, they get a free card to just go forward with their life.And all the pressure is on the girl or the girls parents to pay for the child. It takes two to make the baby so two should be responsible to pay for the expense of raising the child. Maybe if there were punishment for failure to do this there would be less Fathers that walk away from responiblity….. only to make more babies.
Hi Feyma,
Lets have a reality check here young girls have been getting pregant out of wedlock for thousands of years. In the middle east a young girl got pregant her life was cut short as it bought dishoner to the family, this tradition still happens to this and the parents are never charged with murder. A lot of other countries had this practise as well and some still do.
In many western countries pregant young women where hidden until the babies were born, then babies where taken away from the young mothers and were adopted out. This was still happening up to the 1960's in Australia. So this is not a new thing that is happening, the trouble is a vast majority of people respond to what is happening today and what has happened in the past.
Sex education is a great when taught properly, meaning what the young teenagers understand, meaning the do and don't, the consiquences of there actions and not the scientific way which will put them to sleep. The parents need to take some responsibility in helping to educate and so does the church which I know has big influence on Philippine life. All though a priest who cannot have sex educating young people to abstain from sex till they are married does not have much credabilty. I would be me telling Tiger Woods how to play golf and I would be lucky to hit the ball of the tee.
The last thing you ever tell a teenager "IN MY DAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE DID NOT DO SUCH THINGS" because he or she knows that is not the truth for vast majority of adults.
I feel sorry for the young girl for four reasons: 1. There is no government policy to make the boy responsible for his actions, meaning when goes to work he does not have to provide child support.
2. The government does not provide any form unmarried mothers finanical support.
3. The sigma attached to having a baby out of wedlock in the Philippines
4. The extra finanical burdon placed on her parents
To put all teenager into the same catagory is not fair on this generation of young people. It is not the domain of the young make mistakes as many older people many,many of them as well.
Have a good day
Steven
Hi Feyma, yes it does surprise me that so many young girls get pregnant in such a predominant Catholic society but I suppose it does happen the world over.
The UK apparently has the highest number of unmarried mothers in all of Europe, some reasons given by the girls have been so mercenary to be unbelievable, some get pregnant to obtain a house to be independent. (In the UK girls with babies are given priority to obtain shelter) although I'm sure they are in the minority
. Most get pregnant for the usual reasons… they didn't think that it would happen to them… or it was in the heat of the moment, both of which I can understand. In the UK children get sex education starting at 10 years old, not only in the mechanics but also in the consequences. Local churches have youth groups where they discuss openly the good reasons for avoiding getting pregnant until you are either married or at least actually want and are ready to have and look after a child.
I would like to comment on Steven's comments above, if this is out of order please feel free to delete this or even slap me on the wrist 🙂
Steven, in your 3rd paragraph you say “taught properly" suggesting that they don't in the Phils, that may be true.. I don't know. But here in the Uk the children are "taught properly" but alas it still happens as mentioned above.
You say on one hand that the church should take some responsibility then on the other you say that they would have no credibility to do so. I think your analogy with Tiger Woods is a poor one; priests abstain (most of the time) so therefore they wouldn't try to improve sexual performance as the Woods analogy suggests; as you say they would probably try to suggest abstinence. The real analogy with Woods would be for you to suggest that he abstain from playing golf…. not teaching him HOW to play !!
Your 2 points regarding government intervention is true but hardly surprising in a 3rd world country where there is very little help given to anyone. The stigma of being an unmarried mother in the Phils obviously doesn't worry many these days; I don't think that it is such a big issue for many today.
I don't think anyone has suggested ALL teenagers, as of course it is only a percentage but it does SEEM to be more and more common as each year passes in most societies.
Respectfully…my 2c worth
Hi John – Thank you for your comment. If you are okay that your kids are active when their young? Well, good for you. But to a lot of parents that I know they really are not yet ready for their youngster to have sex at the young age. I think they still wanted their kids to have self discipline. I think any parents will think whats best for their kids.
Hi Sharon – I'm sorry I missed your comment there. Really , you are lucky you had a happy ending there. As you know now lots of the girls they end up separating and a messy relationship.
Good luck with your daughter.
Hi Joseph Avery- Yeah thats one thing they should have here in the Philippines a law that makes the other party pay their share in raising the baby. Hopefully it will change soon.
Thank you so much for dropping by!
Hi Steven – Oh yeah it's been happening for ages. Our only hope is that the youngster will realize the hard life of raising a baby. The strain of having to raise a baby nowadays and not a graduate in college is really hard here in the Philippines. Every ad you see in the paper for job it's always college graduate.
Honestly they are now teaching sex education starting at fourth grade, Not sure if they got curious and tried it. My main concern really is how would this teenager raise a baby without hard life. Job opportunity in the Philippines is low.
Thank you for your comment and thank you too for dropping by!
Hi Gerry – Yeah it a worldwide problems. The only thing I am afraid of here in the Philippines their is no financial aid from the government. Unlike in the States and I'm sure in the UK the teen mom will have some support from the government if ever. Here in the Philippines no one will give except for the family member. I really wish and hope its a wake up call for this kids. Life is so much hard nowadays. Everything is so expensive, how can they survive then.
Thank you so much for dropping by!
Sorry Fema, I thought we were talking about late teen to college age young adults having sex. They are physically ready and it seems impossible for them to resist because of their raging hormones.Thanks!
Hi John – In the Philippines, there are only 10 years of schooling, so college starts at the age of 16.
Hello Fem,
I was enjoying reading your blod til i stumbled on this topic. Its scarry to think but every parent must be vigilant about this. I am in deep though as I have a young lady now.
Miss you fem, will find time to see you when Im in davao. Mayong and kids are doing fine amidst the economic crisis we are facing 😥
Extend regards to Bob and kids
Hi almaCelesthia – I know what you mean. I think nowadays we have to be so watchful with our darling daughter.
Hey let us know when you come visit Davao again. We love to see you and Mario and the kids. Bob told me that he gave you our cell number. Please text or call me when your here in Davao. Is Mario still working in Manila?
Thanks for stopping by our site. You take care and God bless!