I was just remembering a friend that died a few years ago now. He was dear to me and Bob because his half brother really is so close and the best friend of Bob here, that they treat each other like true brothers. He is so close that I felt that I had 2 husbands. LOL. The kids were also so close to him.
Well, the half brother he’s a half Filipino and half American, his name was Omar. He was born and grew up in the States. Never been to the Philippines. He was just not interested to visit nor live here. But when the really best friend of Bob moved here, the half brother then decided to pay a visit to the home place of his mom. At that time when he came for a visit to his half brother he was like 19 or 20. The half brother that’s the best friend of Bob, he’s like 52 or 53 at that time.
He decided to continue his studies for college here. I accompanied him to check out some colleges around here. He then decided to study in Ateneo de Davao University. I can’t remember the course he was gonna take up. Anyway, I’m really like a mom to him. He always hangs out at our house or he goes out with us every time Bob and I and his brother will go somewhere. Really whenever he goes alone he’s always calling me and let me talk to the people that he is dealing with or either he is buying from or asking questions. In short people don’t really get when he’s talking. They think he’s accent is a bit too much for them. So I’m the life line or the call a friend kind of thing. LOL.
Weeks after he arrives here, we were asking him if he could see himself marrying a Filipina later? He quickly replied to me “Nah, I’m not really into dark hair ladies, I want to marry a blond lady” we were bursting into laughter. He was so strong into marrying blond ladies. So I dare him, I told to him that we will make a bet for Php 100,000 that he will be married to a Filipina lady by the end of that year. I said to him “If you’re not married to a Pinay by the end of the year then you will get the hundred thousand pesos”. He came like April or May of that year. So he agreed, we had a handshake in-front of his half brother and Bob. He thought he can really hold himself and he thinks he’s so strong of his desire to be marrying a blond lady. Well, let me tell you just less than a month of our handshake, he went to visit the birthplace of his mom. My goodness just few days there, he was already calling and texting me “Feyma I’m in love with a very beautiful girl”. I teased him I said is she blond? He told me hell no. We were laughing. He came back to Davao and my goodness all he ever talked about was about that girl.
So I told him, I think I’m going to be a hundred thousand pesos richer pretty soon here. Few weeks after his visit to his mom’s hometown, his parents sends money for him to come home to America because the girl he was in love with was a distant relatives of the mom. The mom and the parents of the girl was just against the relationship. So he went back to the States and joined the army then. He served for I think 2 years and got injured while serving. He died later of a motorcycle accident in his hometown. To you my friend, thank you for serving and I missed your laughter. So long!
I was just making an example of my friend. Too many expats I’ve met through the years that say they would not get involved right away here with a woman. They came here a single man hoping to have a good retirement and meet a woman later. They will be telling me that oh, “ladies will be far from my mind at the moment”. Then few weeks of being here we found out they got involved with a lady already. Ladies already moving in to the expat’s house. To be honest you can’t blame the lady too. She wants to better her life too. Knowing the expats will give her the security. She did not put gun on the head of the expat. It’s the expats choice. I just hope that its the right head that will think for the expat. It happens a lot most of their savings were wipe out in the short time being with the lady. I mean less that 2 months more than half a million pesos were wipe out from the guy. It’s a concerned to me sometimes, especially if the person that was con was a true friend of ours. It bothers me. But what can we do the guy was so in love with the girl. I hope the girl was also madly in love with the guy. I guess the saying applies to most of these expats “love is blind”. Lucky for other expats that I know, they had money, even they were con to many times they survived because they had so much money saved before coming here. But for others its really unfortunate.
I will just say good luck to those expats that would allow and continued themselves to be conned.
Happy Holidays Everyone!!!
There is a fine line between a con and a situation where two people are in a relationship and one or both is not good at managing money.
That’s for sure Dave. At the end, when the expat had no money left, lesson learned for him. Hopefully anyway. 🙂
Happy Holidays!
Feyma, very touching story. Sorry for the loss of your close friend. Also words of wisdom as well. Thanks.
Thank you John. Hey, It’s just a friendly reminder to anyone wants to retire here in the Philippines.
Good to see you here.
Happy Holidays to you and your family!
Hello Feyma’s,
Are you a realtor as I would like to put together a major business venture with you of possible. I have international partners who want to invest in Mindanao.
Please advise so we can schedule a meeting in Davao. Is there a swanky resort which my guest could stay at? They live to golf and carouse.
Look forward to your reply soon. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years. I am a Christian. Are they welcomed in Muslim Mindanao?
Greg
Hi Greg – Thank you for commenting here. I will email you privately about some of your questions.
Happy Holidays to you too and your family!
Feyma’s,
I never received your email. My clients are waiting for my reply. Why the wait. We are all Christians and are worried about the Muslim brood. Please advise us if it is safe to travel to Davao.
Looks as you and your family have lived there a long time and know the ins and outs of the city there. We’re having big storms here. How’s your weather. Waiting for now.
Greg
Davao is the safest city in the Philippines. There is no need to fear visiting Davao.
sad story rip Omar , but i agree. who needs a blond
Hi Michael – Thank you.
*** but i agree. who needs a blond *** — Absolutely. LOL. Hey, everyone has preference, but Omar can’t handle being with beautiful girls, no matter what color the hair of the girl’s had. Ha ha ha…
Good to see you here.
Happy Holidays to you!
your sentence “hope they think with the right head” is right. one of THE main attractions of the Philippines is the Filipina. Cant help but love them, but make sure it is with the right head, and that is not a joke.
Hi William – Thank you for the nice comment. True, that comment it’s not intended to be a joke too. Thanks for understanding. I’m not trying to be smarty pants here. Just a big reminder for everyone (especially single man and gullible) wanting to retire and live here.
Happy Holidays to you and your family!
Hi Feyma
Good article. I have a wife with blonde hair, that’s not a common sight in Dumaguete. I’m living the dream. Lol.
I have heard so many stories of foreigners in Dumaguete being conned, it’s really a common story. If a foreigner is new in the Philippines I tell them this “If you want to meet and marry a girl here, then for your own sake discriminate and search for a quality middle or upper class Filipina, they aren’t as willing to accept you because they don’t need your money but if you marry into a low socio economic family then expect to be the family support because that’s the way it works here”.
When my older brother first visited, he said he had no interest in girls but like your friend he was caught by filipina beauty. Lol.
He met a girl that immediately displayed terrible behaviour. She was doing all sorts of crazy stuff for money. I told him to get rid of her and if he wanted to meet a reasonable Filipina then get a referral from one of his friends wives.
He did just that and asked his friends wife if she knew any good single ladies, next night he had a date and their first baby was born 3 months ago. My brother is now with a nice lady that is from a nice family.
If my brother didn’t ditch the first girl then 100% it would have been a bad ending because of the very nature of the girl.
Hi Brenton,
Sorry to jump in on your comment. I know it was address toward Feyma, but you stroke a nerve. I would have agreed with the first part of your statement,but then you had to go with a quality Filipina from a middle or upperclass family stuff and ticked me off. You can tell if a lady has quality by visiting there family. You can tell if they are quality by if they are willing to have sex with you before marriage. You can tell if they are quality if they ask for money. Having money does not make you a good person and being poor does not make you bad.
I read comments on this site about a Filipina from a good family and what is meant is that the parents have money. I will take my wife who’s father was a poor fisherman with 9 kids over some girl from a good family where the father is a seaman with a girl in every port and is never home any day.
Hi Jay
The context I was using the word discriminate “To notice and understand that one thing is different from another thing : to recognize a difference between things”
You said “Having money does not make you a good person and being poor does not make you bad.”. You are 100% correct, I don’t disagree.
However if a foreigner happens to marry a girl from a family who can’t feed or look after their own basic needs, which is quite a large percentage of Philippine families. Even if your wife is quality, because you are family now, it is expected that you support and contribute financially. A foreigner needs to become comfortable in being the financial support for the family.
Everyone discriminates, Filipinas especially when they seek to meet foreigners. Many lower socio economic girls in Dumaguete target foreigners, just like the first girl my brother met, she was a real piece of work. If he married her it would have been a train wreck of a relationship for sure. Discriminating to find the right partner is smart in any country but even more important in the Philippines, there are many more factors than finances to consider but based on social structure in the Philippines, finances is important.
Money won’t make a person better quality in any sense but there is financial factors at play when you marry a Filipina from a poor family. I didn’t make it this way, it just is what it is. If a foreigner is happy to be the lifeline to a poor family, then find a girl who is lower socio economic for sure, otherwise discriminate.
Filipino friends say “When you marry a Filipina, you marry the whole family and the more money you have, the bigger the family becomes”. Filipinos know how it works but many foreigners are more naive, that’s why so many get caught as Feyma suggests.
Hi Brenton,
Thanks for explaining and expanding on your thoughts! My wife has 4 brothers and 4 sisters. She is the second youngest and all her siblings were adults when I came into the picture. Her poorest two siblings have never asked us for a centavo. Her brothers and sisters have families except for one who is single about my age and works construction 6 days a week. They pretty much take care of their own families. We sometimes get asked for assistance, but there has been no expressed or implied expectation of us taking care of them. We do help Mama, who is a 75 year old widow and sometimes help other relatives, but we are not a lifeline except to Mama.
Another reality of Filipino society is that the more affluent families tend to have one parent absent due to work. I gave the example of a seaman who is only rarely home. Others may be OFW’s who spend years abroad working to take care of their families back in the Philippines. As you said when choosing a wife one should discriminate and I did. I married a very special woman who was raised by both parents, shows respect for herself and others, does not drink or smoke, attended church and saved herself for marriage. Not all of what I said could be said about me. My wife did not trick me into marrying her, I tricked her into marrying me. If she had known of some of the things I had done in the past she would not have married me even though I was a “rich” American and she was a poor Filipina.
Anyway thanks for expanding on your points and I understand and respect your opinion!
Merry Christmas!
Hi Feyma
I have recently experienced the loss of a loved one. My Dad died on Sunday 7 December after a short battle with liver cancer, he was 86. Fortunately I was able to come back to NZ and help my sister care for him in his final weeks. We did not want him to die in a hospital or hospice, so we cared for him in my sisters house.
Funeral this Saturday. Looking on the bright side, I will be able to return to the country I love, and possibly never go back to NZ again.
Regards
Murray
Hi Feyma ,,, My aunt always told me ” love isn’t always blind” its ” Deaf and Dumb ” as well ,,, 🙂 Regards Russ
This to Jay,
I agree with Brenton about being cautious who to marry. You are one of the luckiest husband to have met a very good girl. I am a Filipina who is married to an American. I am blessed with a very good job that can support myself and a family without my Americano husband. My achievements were due to my own hard work and sacrifice. A man and a woman has to use their common sense every time they choose a partner. A Filipina has to be very cautious also what kind of man she will marry, not judging the color of his skin and the depth of his pocket. The warning of Feyma should also be applicable as warning to all Filipinas wishing to marry a foreigner …. There are lots of WACKO, lazy and abusive foreigners who go to the Philippines to marry a Filipina to their advantage. I have heard horror stories about this matter.
Hi Dine,
I am glad I have what I have in life not what I deserve!
I think you are very correct in your warning to Filipinas seeking foreign husbands. When I confess that I was not a good man and that if my wife would not have married me if she knew more about me. I do not mean that I was a truly evil person like a pedophile, a rapist or a murder, but I suspect some of the foreigners who seek a relationship with a lady from the Philippines are predators.
Feyma, it’s often not an issue of being “conned”.
One can have a legal wife and many kids, but when the wife thinks that 1 minus 1 = infinite money, and refuses to understand simple grade 1 arithmetic given her college education and prior work as a bookkeeper, it’s only a matter of time before there’s a huge and increasing problem. How does it help when years later the wife finally says “I’m learning”, when there’s no money left or to be borrowed anymore to buy bigas let alone pay for frivolous unnecessary things like rent, water, and electricity, food for the kids and baby, plus of course the salaries and food for all her katulong and her ever-increasing utang as it hits you new every few days.
Put it this way, invest your entire life savings including all your “retirement capital” (now no chance of any pension ever) into land purchases and then all that goes with agriculture. Trust your wife that millions will flow back *montlhy* starting with first harvest. Then start borrowing to subsidize. Then borrow more monthly to pay suppliers, then pay the large ongoing overdue pawnshop interest your wife surprises you with, and then more large new debts every few weeks. Rescue various relatives, medical and legal; not cheap! Pay the attorney again this time to deal with the gangster now showing up at your gate with 3 heavily armed rent-a-cops and fake military to “arrest” (translation: kidnap) your wife. Deal with all that today and tomorrow your wife will have yet another surprise and challenge for you, guaranteed. Don’t forget, kids are hungry and the new baby is crying. Never mind that YOU work day and night but are hungry as you listen to your newborn cry, your wife LOVES you, she said so the last time you saw her; she’ll be home in a few days with your next challenge.
This an *honest* well-meaning Pinoy wife for life with many children with you. That’s the absolute best of the good, what more those who ‘con’ as you mention?
Feyma,
A heart felt read. Thank you for sharing. I’m very sorry of the loss your family endured. Sounds like quite a man!!
As far as the black haired vs blonde hair thing? I’ll take a filipina over any woman – anywhere! But that’s my own personal preference.
God Bless and Merry Christmas!
Bill
What a warm read!
I must admit and thank anyone who post questions and answers. My interesting questions concern social media like Facebook. Over the past several month I have received request for money from Filipinas who I have never meet before besides just chatting. Is this normal? Also so many single parent Filipinas without health insurance. Are there ways to help them? I ask these questions because I am divorced, and my daughter graduates from colleges this summer, plus retiring from the military also. I plan on using my education benefits for college in Manila, so will I encounter the same thing of Filipinas asking for money instead of simple friendship?
Not judging anyone customs or belief just asking questions, I have been to Philippines for military business and to vacations and I love the place, so I am just not sure how I should respond in person.
Thank you for your time!