I have a friend that I knew in the States since the beginning the time that I lived there. She’s a little bit older than me. She was also a little ahead of me maybe like half a year to be in the States. Her husband is quite older than her, he has kids from his previous marriage.
At first, my friend was accepted by one of the husband’s kids. The husband, ever since my friend went to the States, he is kind of sickly already. My friend was the one tending to their farm. They had like over 80 acres of land. With that land she needs to have people to help her. So lots of time she hire people to help her. Her husband sometimes would even get jealous of my friend and some of the workers. He would say that she had an affair with the worker or something.
The son of the husband just lived like a few meters away from them, my friend would ask him if he could help her in the farm. He will just say that he would but never showed up. But he would ask his dad for money after the harvest. The thing is the dad would always give, my friend will not say a word because it’s his son.
Lately, my friend can’t take it anymore she told her husband to stop giving since they don’t have much money and he didn’t earn to have that money anyway. Well, the son is now starting to accuse my friend of poisoning his dad. The husband now is getting very ill, and he was just hospitalized and my friend was investigated while he was in the hospital. The doctors can’t find any trace of poison, so now the son was telling the dad that my friend has somebody with her. I believe my friend when she said she didn’t have anybody. She told me that she just don’t have any desire to have somebody while shes married. The son was just trying to get my friend in trouble so that they (him and his siblings) will get the money from the land after their dad will pass away. Very sad, but my friend is depressed right now over this accusation. A few days ago when I talked to her she told me that she really wants to leave the husband now. She’s just tired of his attitude because he is now believing the son. A lot of her friends now, I’m one of them were not calling her that much because the husband would be screaming at her while shes on the phone talking. Honestly it’s annoying when I talked to her and the hubby would asked whose that your talking? Is it one of your boyfriends? I really hope that the husband will remember how my friend took good care of him when all his kids and family abandoned him. She’s the only person who stood at his side and helped him in the farm.
To you friend please stay safe and don’t trust the son. Don’t forget to ask help from our friends there. I’ll call you again soon. Take care always! God will be there for you!
Hi Feyma, there are two sides of the story of course but I think your friend should start talking to a lawyer. Her situatiion looks like is untenable. That's an abusive relationship.
She should cut it clean now while her husband is still alive. Make the break legally clean, hence, the lawyer.
She should move out of state and start a new life…and most of all find true love.
Life's too short and America is such a big country and has immense choices.
Hi Feyma
This story just shows that life married to foreigners is not as easy as most Filipino girls who have no experience think here, in fact i would say it is the same degree of difficulty if you are married to a foreigner or a local, you get good and bad marriages, this one seems doomed, sorry for that and sorry for your friend
Hi Dr. Sponk Long – She told me when I talked to her that she made an appointment on seeing the lawyer in the next few days.
Hopefully she will retire here in the Philippines later to heal.
Hi rick b – Oh yeah it happens here too. She just belongs to a bad one right now. I do hope that it would get better soon before something bad happen to her. She's really a nice lady.
Its really unfortunate to what happen to my friend.
I hate to be negative but she should have divorced him a LONG TIME AGO!
Hi Feyma,
Wow! How awful to hear that somebody had to go through such agony. I find it hard to believe that a Filipina would have the heart to poison anybody -it's just not in our blood, I don't think.
I hope she'll find a way to get a fair compensation when she does decide to live the marriage. It sounds like her stepson is not going to lit up against her. I would say, start jotting down the number of hours a day multiplied it with the years she's been a caretaker to his father. Perhaps, she'll be "heard" by the stepson. Also, in case she needs to present it in court. A small savings for herself, deducted from her services would also be a good idea now, for security purposes. Better yet, if she earned it outside of the family business -it would be safer against any accusations.
Sadly, emotions will not work anymore, in this case. There comes a time that marriage must be approached like a business – but in a civilized manner. As a Filipina, we need to hold our pride and vitues.
Send my emphathy,
Marcelina
The other day I was at the hospital with a friend, waiting for an ultrasound. A lady came in with her husband. She looked about 30-35 and he was 75-80 in a wheelchair. She did not look happy and her husband did not look like he was particularly kind or grateful to her either. In my mind, he had married a care-giver for his later years. I felt sorry for her.
As I watched them, I wondered if he had been married before and if his adult children had approved this marriage. Did they think this lady was just waiting for his (their) money? And why should she not hope for something after all the care she gave him? Had he provided for her after his death? Would his other children fight her for it? They are probably glad they don't have to worry about carrying for their dad when he is old, but when he dies, will they be kind to the woman who took such good care of their father?
Feyma, my heart goes out to your friend. I think she should move out and let the son figure out how to run things himself, and getting a lawyer would be a good idea too. She may end up with less than she should but if she has her health and a chance to do something different, that's still good. If she stays, it will all just get worse.
Hi AmericanLola – It really struck me when you said that the kids were probably happy that somebody else would take care of their Dad in his old age, but that when it came time for the money to be distributed they would be first in line. I had never thought about that before, but I believe that you are spot on with that assessment. What a shame.
Hi Feyma,Sad scenario,and i agree with Cheryll Ann #5.I also entirely agree with Dr Sponk Long#1.I feel the man in question has big problems with his jealousy,but should be fair with all concerned,he should have the intelligence to leave egual ammounts to those concerned in his will.Greed always rears its ugly head in these situations.The greed of money appears to be the route of all evil.American Lola #7 very interesting observation,and i'm sure some selfish people in this world are guilty of this.
The jealousy problem again?
Have a look at Migs recent article on it
Hi Cheryll Ann – That's what the advice of one of our friend before to her. I really hope she will though.
Hi MarcelinaWW – I will tell her to read about you guys advice to her. I hope that the lawyer can really get something from the husband. I think no matter what race they are if they have the heart to care they would not think of poisoning any human being.
Thank you for the thought!
Hi AmericanLola – You got that right that the kids was just happy that somebody's taking care with the sickly dad. But as soon as he died they want to get everything.
She told me that shes going to see her lawyer within this week. I hope the lawyer can get something if she wants to leave now. Luckily she didn't have kid with this guy.
I feel sorry for her Feyma, I hope she'll get a good attorney to help with this ordeal. Then she can come back to Phil. and retire happily.
Hi CHAS – Thank you for your concern. I really hope for the best for my friend. I will let her go to some friends that both me and her know and read all you guys message for her. She doesn't have internet access in her house. It's a different story again if I said more on this matter.
Anyway thank you.
Hi Don – Thank you. Thats what I told her to do after all this problem be solve, she should just retire here in the Philippines and enjoy life. I hope she will do it.