Arranged Marriage?

A few months back I was introduced to a lady who happened to be looking for work. She was brought here by my former laundry lady. Pat was her name and she’s been with us for awhile now. I wrote about her before here on LIP. She seems happy here now.

Anyway, like 2 moths ago one day she brought along with her a young lady. Pat knows that we were looking for another helper. She told me that this young girl (her name is Ezel) just quit from another job like 2 weeks before. I asked her why did she quit? She told me the reason and that’s another story to tell here. I interviewed the girl and she seemed like a nice lady and willing to work. Little did I know she already brought along with her her clothes.

So its a lucky day for her that day because I accepted her. She is still working for us until now. I asked her if she is really willing to work? Because I don’t want to train you and then in a few months you will quit. She told me that she wants to work. I ask Ezel once in awhile what does she thinks of us and working here for us? She said she likes it. I asked Pat sometimes what does Ezel think about her job here? Pat said that she likes it. We’ll see what happens.

Ezel happens to be the neice of Pat’s husband. They are not that close because the husband of Pat left the province at a young age and lived here in Davao ever since.

Last week I was in the kitchen cooking and Ezel and Pat were there helping me. I was just chit chatting with them and asking Ezel what do her parents think that she’s here and her family is still in Agusan? It’s a bit far and they can’t really see each other regularly. She told me that her parents were happy for here to be in the city.

She said for one I was already arranged to be married to somebody in the province by my grandmother. And that her parents didn’t want her to marry the guy but can’t argue the grandmother. My mouth just dropped and said “what“? She told me again. I told her I said I’m not trying to be rude or anything or insulting you, your family do you have blood  of our native people here in the Philippines, you know the natives in your area? If they are then, I could understand her being hooked up with the guys at a young age but when she said NO, it shocked me.

With our natives here thats just the norm to be hooked up to be married to somebody the parents like when your young. But Ezel had no blood for native and be hooked up just buffle me. Ezel told me that her mom was arranged by her grandmother to be married to her dad. She said her parents are okay, but she could tell that her mom had the unhappiness sometimes. The mom wanted to finish school first and enjoy life but didn’t have the time to do it because she got married at an early age before 18. Ezel had 9 siblings and 2 other siblings from the side (I think you know what I mean). They are not happy with it but just accept it.

Last week the grandfather of Ezel died and the family wants her to come home for the funeral. At first Ezel was thinking of going to attend the funeral. As you know here it will take awhile for the dead person to be buried because lots of paperwork to do before the burial. I told Ezel to let me know what she decide so that I can arrange for Pat to come to our house early everyday while Ezel was gone. 2 days before the funeral Ezel informed me that she’s not going to attend the funeral. I asked her why because I could tell she also had the desires to go. She told me that if I go there the guy that my grandmother arranged me to be married too might be there. My grandmother might hook me up again and she’s afraid she can’t say no to the grandmother.  Ezel just told me that she will just send her paycheck to her mom and her mom will give it to her grandmother.

Just thinking about it while I was watching Ezel sometimes working in the house how could anybody force this young girl to get married. She’s not even so mature yet to decide about anything. She’s so shy and so innocent. She still has a lot to learn about life. Like sometimes here at the house just simple things amazes here because its new to her. Just like during Christmas its her first time to received  a few gifts for Christmas and stockings from Santa. It’s really nice seeing her the amazement was there. It’s priceless. On her previous employer they are not allowed to be with the employer when gift giving. They were sent home. They are not even allowed to eat with the employers during dinner time. During birthday party to any of us here at the house all of us will sit down including them for dinner. They are also included in the party. She told my nieces that she really learned a lot here and she’s happy with it. My kids teaches her some trick on the games or they showed her some video on YouTube or something and it really brought smile to her face. Watching Ezel with my niece, it makes me sad because she had no freedom to decide for herself and my niece on the other hand can decide what she wants to do with her life even though my niece don’t have very much money too. I was brought up poor but my parents never decide for any of us kids who we want to marry. It just makes me sad for her.

Honestly I am hoping that we here at the house can influence and show Ezel that in life she doesn’t need to follow the command of anybody especially when it come to heart matters. For her to enjoy and embrace life. I hope that she will stand up for herself later. I know that its a long process for her to learn but I know she can do it. I hope also that she won’t give up on the pressure of her grandmother. I have lots of hope for Ezel.

Cheers!