I am an American. I grew up in the United States of America. I don’t apologize for that, I am proud of it, in fact. Even though I live in the Philippines, it does not mean that I am no longer an American. I am not a Filipino. No matter what I do, no matter how long I live here, no matter how many Filipino cultural events I encounter, I will never be Filipino. I don’t want to be Filipino.
Hold on! For a lot of people who read that last line, “I don’t want to be Filipino,” you may be thinking that is a slam or an insult to Filipinos. Not at all! I have nothing against Filipinos, nothing at all. If I were against Filipino people, why would I live here? Why would I have spent more than 18 years married to a Filipino? So, no, I am not anti-Filipino, I just don’t strive to become Filipino. Nor should I, in my opinion.
Why am I saying these things today? Well, mostly, it stems from a comment left on this blog last week. When I wrote an article entitled “More socialization” and explained about attending a Filipino birthday party, and how it gave my kids a nice opportunity to socialize with local kids here in Davao, and how I was able to socialize with people of a number of different cultures, a comment was left which kind of surprised me.
Sidney, a European gentleman whom I believe lives in the Metro Manila area said:
Hi Bob,
As you know I am quite critical of what I read and see and I am quite surprised by what you wrote…
You are already so long in the Philippines and I would have expected that you and your kids would be fully integrated in this country by now.
Filipinos of all backgrounds (all social classes) are so hospitable that I can’t think how it is possible to not minglle with the local population (poor and rich).
So this post leaves me puzzled….
Sidney’s comment kind of stuck in my mind for a day or more and made me do some critical thinking (not critical of Sidney, critical in terms of serious thinking about what he said and how it relates to my life). With all of my thinking, it all came back to a statement that I have said to others many times over recent years, and how I started out this column:
I am not Filipino, and no matter how hard I would try, I will never be Filipino.
It is that simple for me. I do consider myself integrated into Philippine society – for the most part. But, I am a foreigner, and as such, I hold on to some of my own culture and feelings. I think this is natural. Even if I go to 100 Birthday parties in the Philippines, they will still be outside my box to some extent, and I will revel in the activity, and learn from such activities as much as I can.
Another thing that I would like to say, and for Sidney to consider is that on this site, my target audience is people who have a desire to live in the Philippines, like Sidney and I do. The vast majority of my readers have not lived here before, and thus do not have the level of understanding about things here that Sidney and I have. Thus, even if an event is already something I am accustomed to, I try to write about it in a way that will bring a new experience to my readers, and help give them an understanding of what to expect if and when they live here too. Frankly, if I refrained from writing about things that are not “new” to me because of my time here, the site would be pretty empty, and I would rarely be able to write anything. But, I feel like I do a good job of relating information about living in the Philippines in a way that readers, even if they have never even been here before, can read, understand, and get ideas from that would benefit them in any future move to the Philippines.
I could have just responded further to Sidney’s comment with these additional thoughts. However, I felt that this is important information that I want others to read, and it can easily be missed by many readers if it gets buried in the comments.
So, my honest appeal to everybody is that you should always be who you are. If you want to make changes in who you are, that is OK, but make yourself into an “improved version” of yourself, not into a different person altogether. Don’t ever throw away your past experiences and identity, if you do that the people around you will also lose out on the insight that you can offer because of who you are.
Hi Bob,interesting post,it reminded me of an old adage,"If a dog is born in a stable its still a dog,not a horse",regards Chas.
Hi chasdv- I never heard that adage before, but it sure sounds to be spot on! 😆
As I have said before, I learn as much from the comments here as from any of the articles 😉 I really enjoyed the stable analogy …
I think that's one of the things I perceive people who are thinking about living in another country sometimes have a problem with. In almost all cases, Americans livingin the Philippines, or Australians or brits or you name the country are not living here to become Filipinos … snd indeed even if we wanted to we never could.
We're living here becuase, among many other reasons we're happy with the interplay and contrasts between the Filipino culture and our own. If that difference didn't exist, I'd likely go somewhere else, because I'd quite literally get bored. I am "in the country but not of it".
I also don't chose, for myself, to live in enclave type communities of fellow Americans. Not enough contrast or interest there to suit me … but it works well for some folks.
Hi Dave- Yeah, I also loved Chas' stable analogy, it was a new one for me, but exactly what I was thinking of when I wrote the article.
I lived in an "enclave" like you mentioned for about a year, and I didn't really care for it.
My observation is that a lot of expats live in thePhilippines or other third world countries largely for economic reasons. To be honest I have considered retiring in the Philippines, Bali or Thailand and when I have examined my own thinking the much lower cost of living is a major factor! How often on forums do you see the question .. could I live on $200 per month or whatever?
Perhaps this is one of the reasons that expats gather together in enclaves because they don't really want to be part of the filipino society.
In Australia we have immigrants from many countries – nearly all of them migrate for economic reasons to improve their opportunities and many shun our society and stick to their enclaves. We had senior italian neighbours for example who had been here for 30 years and spoke no english. Now we have middle eastern migrants who only marry within their own group, want their own separate schools, islamic churches, shops etc.. Clearly they seek the economic benefits of the country but don't want to be part of our society.
My question is … how many expats would remain in the Philippines and how many prospective expats would even consider going there if the cost of living was identical to the US, Australia or wherever?
Hi Michael- In my case, I did not move here for the lower cost of living. Of course, it is an advantage, but not the reason why I moved here.
Regarding the "enclave" communities, they are MUCH more expensive than normal places in the Philippines. I would say that it probably costs about 3 times as much to live in such a community. Because of this, I would doubt that a person who moves here for lower cost of living would choose to live in one of those areas.
For me, if a person doesn't want to mix with Filipinos, they really should not move here.
Over the last couple of years, a lot of the aspects of living in the Philippines have become more expensive (especially with currency exchange rates), somewhat eliminating the "cost advantage" – but a lot of expats chose to stay here anyway. Certainly, the cost advantage still exists, but is nowhere near what it was when I first moved here.
Just my thoughts…
i will live in the philippines when i retire i told my wife who is from mati i love the country and the people it will be about 15 more years but i will be there. yes i love the usa with all my heart.
Hi larry davis- Congrats on pursuing your dream! A lot can happen in 15 years, but I hope that all works out for you!
Bob,
I agree with the parts about getting to know filipinos and their culture. Learning the aspects of culture is a never ending trainging. But as I have found and write about in my blog is how I really enjoy most filipinos I meet and get to know.
I have met some really wonderful people here.
Hi Bruce- Yes, this is very true. I have met some super people here. A nice thing about such people is that they are also the people who can teach you even more about the culture of the Philippines too!
Bob,
Yes so true. I was joking at the director at Field of Dreams Boys home yesterday about being homeless. Just joking, but she offered me the quest room there.
The hospitality of alot of filipinos is so wonderful
Hi Bruce- It is amazing how generous people here can be, even though they have so little. Makes you think that Americans could learn a thing or two…
Maayong Hapon Bob
Reading this article made me think about how my wife has adapted to the States. While my Filipina wife mingles with Americans and dose just fine she still prefers her Filipino parties. And the Filipino parties carry many items from the Philippines to the US such as there Karaoke and not only the types of food but also the quantity . You know I would not have it any other way. I married my wife because she is a Filipina and while I want her to get her American citizenship I do not want her to become Americanized. That is right, I will gladly put up with her being on Filipino time where ever we go. 😉
Hi Larry- Interesting comment, and it opens up some thoughts in my mind. What you describe is so similar to our experience when Feyma was in the States. You know what, though? When Feyma was in the States, I always made sure that she had access to Filipino things. She never had a meal where rice was not available to her. She had Filipino friends. She had Filipino parties to attend, etc. After we moved to the Philippines, Feyma took that role from me. She always makes sure that I have access to American things. A day doesn't go by that she does not offer to cook American foods and such.
Hi Bob,
Your last sentence in today's blog says it all – learn from each other!
Hi John in Austria- Thank you, I appreciate your kind thoughts. I do truly believe that.
Hi Bob – Emy & I love and respect our pinoy & pinay neighbors and friends for who they are and they, in turn, love and respect us for who we are. Ya can't ask for more than that, and expecting more is foolish.
And we don't want you to be anything or anyone but Bob! 😉
Hi Paul- Nice comment, Paul. thanks!
Hi Bob, very interesting article – but nothing new for me. Hold on, don't misunderstand me: we are feeling the same. I got also got a lot of wonderful friends here, and I never came here because of the low costs of living. There have been a lot of other personally reasons – some are really sad, but I won't like to publish them here. I tried myself very much to "survive" here and "adopt many things" – as my wife also did (or must do!?) during her 16 years stay in Germany. Important is: I never loose my identity – and I am still proud to be a German. Even living in the Philippines and loving this country and its people… As many said before: there is nowhere a paradise on earth…
Hi Klaus- I am happy for you that things have worked out well, and you've been able to maintain your identity too. Good luck!
Hi Bob enjoyed the article today, personally I moved here one because my wife has spent the last 30 years in the uk and we decided it was time for us to return to her roots so to speak and secondly because I fell in love with the country and the people, you made a comment about the friendliness and generosity of the filipinos, I beleive a lot of western countries could learn from them.
finally got my gravatar to work
Hi andyp- I agree with you wholeheartedly! We could all learn some of this stuff from the Philippines. Of course, there are things that each of our countries excels in, so we could all probably teach too! 😆
Hi andyp- Congrats on the Gravatar, Andy! Looks good.
Hi Bob,
Just like your other articles this one also made me feel to share my thought. In my own opinion, if you’ve learned and adapted the way of life in your host country it simply means that you’ve adjusted in many ways. But this does not mean you’re already what the locals are and certainly you’ll never become one of them but they simply become part of you. It surely has an effect or a change on how you weigh or look at things but your sense of being would remain the same wherever you came from. You can’t really be when you’re not but it is now in your advantage that you’ve broadened your horizon and you know how things are done in this part of the world. Trying to disconnect from our original roots and even our personal beliefs would curtail us to discover what other things that lies ahead. Whether you feel Filipinized, Americanized, etc. what really matters most is when you feel accepted, safe/secure, and get along well with the community you live in. Cheers.
Hi Teng- Thank you for your thought provoking comment. I must admit that in many areas, I am very Filipinized. I see it in myself all the time. Things that would not be acceptable to most Americans, and would have been outside my box a decade ago are not readily accepted. So, you are right on track with your comments. Of course, I will always be an American, but as you said, my thoughts and decision making process has been modified to an extent by living away from my country of birth.
Take care, Teng!
Hi Bob – You havent heard from me in a while as I have been on extended vacation at Biliran Island in Eastern Visayas.
While I'm holidaying there, I do not watch television or read newspapers or even use the internet cafes ( and boy are they popping up all over the place ), I enjoy a wonderful holiday with all my relatives and friends in tropical paradise.
Even though I love my time in R.P, I still dont think I will ever move there permanently as a relatively small island like Biliran just doesnt have the facilities and amenities I would want. and I dont think I would want to live in another part of R.P.
I guess I will have to settle for spending a month or two per year in R.P, which is what suits me, but each person has there own reasons and desires to live where they live and live the lifestyle they live. I also consider myself lucky to be married to a beautiful Filipina no matter where I am.
Hi Anthony- Nice to have you back! I understand what you are saying. Especially living on a small island, it can really lead to "island fever" if you know what I mean.
You are so correct that we each have our own needs and desires, no doubt on that one! And if we are able to follow our dreams, all the better for each of us!
Hi Bob- I think what you say is quite right ,its similar to the saying about taking the person out of their country but not the country out of the person.
Heritage, culture and national identity are very important componants of a persons make up and should never be lost or watered down where ever they may reside present or future. That doesn't mean to say that you cannot integrate within the society or country you choose to live in.
Regards.
Jim.
A good one Bob , but I will always be an American no matter where i go ..I don't want to be a Filipino ..too white for that …need to paint me brown ..hee hee …my wife likes my white skin an so do i ..Yes she makes sure i have food to eat too eggs an toast a cup of milo for breakfast I'm not a rice eater but i do like alot of Philippine cuisine..don't like "leg of woman" ..unless it is real hee hee ..Be Your Self Bob ..Phil R.
As always Bob, I could identify AND ENJOY your article. But I am exactly your opposite.
I was born in the Philippines, grew up there until I was 21. Then I immigrated to US to pursue graduate studies in 1960 and have raised a family here in the States! I have completely integrated with life here in the states, if you read my blog above and titled " Life in US from 1960 to the Present "( series of six entries). BUT i AM THE EXACT opposite
I WILL NEVER BE AN AMERICAN. WHEN I DIE MY ASHES WILL BE SCATTERED IN THE GARDENS OF CHATEAU DU MER
Hi Jim- Yes, as I said, I do feel that I am integrated into Philippine society. However, even fully integrated, there can still be cultural events that are new to you, or different than the norm for you.
Hi Phil R.- Thanks for the comment. It's breakfast time here right now… hmm… that eggs, toast and milo don't sound half bad! 😆
Hi David B Katague- When it comes to death, I am like you, I want my ashes to be scattered here in Mindanao. It is the place that I love most in the world. Maybe in Bukidnon somewhere.
Hi Bob- I am a Filipino residing here in Australia for more than 21 years now. Even though I've lived here in Australia for many years, I am still a Filipino by heart. When I visited the Philippines in 2007, I've noticed to myself, that I have been 'Australianised' in some ways. Like the Philippines, Australia has a multi-cultural society, that promotes freedom of choice; and whoever wishes to give their allegiance to Australia, are welcome to do so.
Hi Joseph – Congratulations! I am happy that life is working out well for you in Australia!