I was talking to an old friend. We were trying to reminisce our good memories of our lives when we used to live in the States. We’ve known each other during our time of getting the visa days in Manila. We’ve met there at the US Embassy office over 22 years ago now. We really became good friends ever since then. Reminiscing the waiting at the early hours for the US Embassy office to finally open, wanting to be the first in line. Ha ha ha.. No matter how early me and my sister went there we usually be on the 5th or so in line. But oh well, still happy to be one of the first few people that will enter the place.
What a chaotic place that was when it opened. We had a joke before that when entering the embassy, it felt like entering the public market here in the Philippines. Too noisy. Lol. I’m pretty sure they might be controlled better now, since some of the other transactions were done online. One sample alone was the getting of the visa. During our time we had to go back to the embassy a few days after the interview and get the visa ourselves. Nowadays, they will just mail it to you directly to the address you’ve provided for them to be sent to. More convenient and no hassles of waiting outside the gate and inside the office.
My friend was telling me about her experience in the area where she’s living now. Her and her Pinay friends were so divided just because of gossip and jealousy. My friend, she’s successful talking about financially and her family life. She just had better life than some of the Pinays there in her area. Well, some of her jealous friend spread rumors that’s not even true about her, she just didn’t do anything because she told me that she had better things to do than to think about those jealous girls. That’s the better approach to that I think, just leave it and later the issue will just die down. That’s what I would do too if I were in her shoes. Most of the gossip girls just don’t have something to do in life other than watch other people’s lives. They might be imitating the soap opera or the teleserye on TFC.
I saw a lot of it here too. It’s just not the Filipinos do that kind of thing, I saw and heard expats too. It’s just human nature to get jealous of the success of others. Some know how to control their jealousy, some just plain anger and jealousy that they can’t sleep without destroying other people. It’s just so crazy to think, but it happens. Some were even killing just over jealousy and gossip. It’s just not worth it. The “Crab mentality” is really present not just in the Philippines but all over the world.
Just like my friend was telling me, she was just letting someone borrow something from her. Then she forgot that the other friend had it for a long time. When time for her to use it, she remembered that the friend had it. She then asked the stuff that was borrowed to be returned. The friend was furious because the friend claimed she own the stuff since she had it for a long time. WOW, the friend had the guts to be mad and to think she’s the one that borrowed something. I can’t believed it that my friend was punished for being nice and trying to help out.
At the end she was blamed that its her fault that the friendship was falling apart. No friendship would fall apart if the friend just return the stuff and just say thank you and sorry that it was not return right away and friendship would flourish. Instead the friend just spread rumors and gossip and she even involved other friends. Even her kids she involved them too, which is really ridiculous and crazy for me.
Living with jealousy and anger will not get her life better. My friend is wishing for a happy and peace of mind for her friend. That she should live life to the fullest instead of bitterness.
Mabuhay!
Hi Femya – A good friend once said that all people look at your success in one of two ways.
1 – They are excited by your success.
2 – They are threatened/intimidated by your success.
He said unfortunately a lot of people you meet will be threatened not excited by the success of others. A human thing for sure.
Hi Brenton – I totally agree with what your friend said. Totally it’s a human nature. So sad though that people can’t really be happy with the success of others.
Always good to see you here again. Have a great day!
Feyma,
Here is a quote from Tony Soprano that you should remember when people get that way.
“Who cares about shit people say that they don’t have the balls to say to you face!”
His point is don’t let those people bring you down or spend the energy. My wife’s sister is constantly in the rumor in the Philippines and Hong Kong where friends, cousins and aunts have created stories that she came to America as a slave, sex slave and other things. The truth is she has fantastic husband who takes very good care of her as well as helps her family.
She was so upset when she found out what people were saying, and would not stop crying, when I shared that quote with her she laughed, thought about and started to make phone calls to the people in the rumor mill.
I am going to start a rumor now, that will create jealousy.
Bob and Feyma are very kind people who give back and help people…. Oh wait, that’s the truth. Have a good day:-)
Hi Dirk – That’s a good quote. Thank you for sharing. I understanding what your wife felt hearing rumors that weren’t true. I’m glad she’s wise now and listening to the quote you’ve given her.
Ha ha ha,,, I like that rumor you’ve started about Bob and I. :-)…LOL..
Thank you for your thoughts. Have a wonderful day!
Years ago in Florida I was managing an ABC Liquor store, a lady was buying lotto tickets and when her wallet was open I saw a picture of an old dear friend, who I had not seen in over twenty years. I spoke to the lady and asked her how Hugh was doing, to which she was shocked. So one month later after my friend got to Florida he came to see me, and handed me $ 500.00 that I had lent him low those many years ago and had forgot all about. As I had been transferred out of the country and we had lost touch.
But the point is, our friendship had lasted all those years and it had bothered him that he had not repaid the dept. I didn’t want or need the money but took it as it was important to him. Another twenty years have passed and we stay in contact still. He’s doing very well now, and I’m happy that he is. Why, because he’s a friend.
So tell your friend to lose those people from her life, and keep the real ones close to her that’s what I did..
HI Paul – Wow, what a small world. Really, friendship will be tarnished if money’s involve in it. Look at your friend he just owed you 500 bucks and he just vanished. I’m glad that you rekindle the friendship and continue on again. Happy for you guys.
*** So tell your friend to lose those people from her life, and keep the real ones close to her that’s what I did.*** —I will pass along what you said to my friend. Thank you for that Paul.
Have a great day!
Feyma;
It was I who vanished via a Navy transfer of Duty Station, not my friend.
I have found that many people have difficulties with their friends and acquaintances success. I’ve witnessed it many times, and have at times, wished I had the success of some of my friends. But, then I look at the sacrifices they made for that success, and it usually meant loss of time with family. To me, my friends and family meant more than a career ladder. Though, in my later years I look back and wonder how things might have been had I taken a different path.
I also have seen and been involved in the gossip and rumors that people find to be so fun or interesting. I don’t know if they don’t see the damage it does to friendships, or simply don’t care. I wish that things were different, but we are all so imperfect. Unlike what God intended for us to be. The Garden of Eden forced our paths to be different than what was the original plan. Can you imagine what life would be like on Earth had Eve and Adam not succumbed to temptation?
Just find solace in your family, and your life, and do the best you can do. Your rewards for that will be ten fold by the love of your family, and those that TRULY care about you.
Hi Scott Fortune – Thank you for the good thoughts and nice stories. I really appreciate very much.
It’s not fun for sure to be involve in any gossip. The story could be twisted, even its should not be. It’s just so difficult to be in it.
***Just find solace in your family, and your life, and do the best you can do. Your rewards for that will be ten fold by the love of your family, and those that TRULY care about you.*** — Amen to that!!!
Thank you again for stopping by!
They are everywhere! Whenever I hear something like these or just plainly overhearing them, I would tell myself, “They aren’t busy like me. No time for that sorry. Carry on, carry on.”
Hi Myra Rose Ilisan – Totally agree.
Thanks for dropping by!
A lot of people from my wife’s family are jealous of her because she is living the dream and doing very well in our marriage. As I am an Aussie I am quite happy to tell the gossipers what I think of them. If they can’t hold their tongues they get it back. Them again what do you expect from provincial people? Basically, I tell them to get a job and work hard, If they can’t do that then leave us alone, we are better off without them.
Hi Boss – So did the neighbors, drooling over the success of your wife. As expected I guess.
I think mostly the city folks are the one having the crab mentality thing. They don’t want others to have more of what they have.
*** we are better off without them ***—So agree to that…. I always tell my family that saying and also I said that those gossipers continue on living without us. I don’t care with what those folks say as long as it’s not affecting me and my family. They are not the people that feed me and my family. We never asked them for anything. So I don’t care about them. Life must go on.
Good to see you again here. Have a good weekend!
Hi Feyma,
Nice article as usual. Interesting enough I am actually sometimes jealous of my wife’s family living in the provinces of the Philippines. We are living here in the US and we have a lot more material possessions, but they have more time with the family and less stress. I have to work very hard to support our family.
We are also somewhat jealous of our family there because they have more kids. We felt we had to stop at two because we could not afford to support more here. We love our two boys, but my wife really wanted to have a little girl. She has been watching the neighbor’s kids this week and one of the kids is a little girl and I think she is jealous.
Money is not everything and if it is the most important thing in someones life I don’t care if they are a billionaire I am not jealous of them I pity them.
Jay, I think what you and your wife have is “envy”, rather than “jealousy”, toward your wife’s family in the provinces who have less material possessions but have more time with their family, and the fact that they have more kids and you don’t. You and your wife “envy”, or covet something your relatives have without necessarily bearing grudge or ill will toward them. In my mind, “jealousy” is more of a negative emotion than “envy”.
For me jealousy and envy are both cause by evil. try to be humble and quite so nobody
hates you. its better to mind your own business than to criticize others.
Hi John Reyes,
Yeah, that is how I feel. I don’t have any resentment toward them for the fact that they have more time and I hope that they don’t have resentment toward me for having more money. I don’t think that they do or at least they have given no indication
Hi Jay – Thank you. I really appreciate your thoughts. Hey been there, and we had the same thoughts as you and your wife. Bob and I really were just planning to have 2 kids. Our third was not plan. But we really are happy to have him. We love our boys to death. They are our life.
We were just so bless right now to have 2 girls (our nieces actually) with us. We treated them as our own. I can understand your feelings. Having our 3 boys was really good but we are happy to have the girls with us too. Maybe time to think of retiring here in the PI. I’m sure you can have one of your wife’s niece will live with you guys. You guys can give better future for that girl. I’m pretty sure also that your boys will love and protect your niece.
Always nice to see you here. Have a good one!
Hi Feyma,
I am actually a third child. My parents actually only planned to have two. On retiring to the Philippines, I guess I am jealous of your husbands courage to go there without a pension. When we do make the move we might do something similar with one of our nieces or adopt. One of my wife’s sisters actually used to work at an orphanage. I know there are many children in need of a good home there.
My mother recently told me the story of how her mother, my lola, had moved to Manila from a village in Iloilo to find a better life for her family. They lived in Tondo and worked very hard. Through this hard work my grandmother became very successful because of her entrepreneurial skills. One day they returned to the village to visit and do you think anyone was happy for them? No! They started saying bad things about her and I’m guessing they were jealous of her success.
This is when I really understood the term ‘crab mentality.’
Hi Maria – The sad part about it though, it’s the circle of the family would start the gossip. The never-ending tsismis of all.
Crab mentality is quite universal. I’ve seen foreigners here with that attitudes too. So sad but it’s happening.
Have a good day!
I heard a story many years ago that really shows the destructive power that envy can have on your life. A man finds a magic lamp and the genie tells him he can have a single wish come true. “Choose carefully, the genie says, because your neighbor will receive twice what you yourself will receive.” The man, who was jealous of his neighbor, agonized for several days and finally came to the genie with his request. “Since my neighbor will receive twice what you give me, I want you to put out one of my eyes.”
Hi Mike – Good one. Thanks. 🙂
Have a great weekend!
Gee, was that man perhaps Karl Marx?
Marlyn and I have never really been affected by gossip. I suppose some may have started some long ago, but we don’t give it the dignity of acknowledgement. Neither us, nor anyone in our close circle belong to the local Phil/Am club. Long ago, I asked why. The answer I got was “There’s too much chis mis.”
Some time ago I was working in an office environment. I noticed that certain people would tell me juicy little tidbits about other workers. I would smile & nod and change the subject. I never repeated the tidbits to anyone else. After a while, these folks stopped sharing these things with me. We still talked, but they didn’t bother sharing the gossip with me. My theory is, that gossipers won’t waste time on one who doesn’t feed the mill.
Take care,
Pete
Pete, Phil/Am clubs are a favorite place where Pinoys and Pinays try to out-bongga one another. LOL
Hi John Reyes – Ha ha ha, a good place for super “Pabonggahan”. They’re the best on that. LOL
Nice to see you here again John. Have a great day!
Hi Cordillera Cowboy/Pete – Good for you guys for not attending Fil-Am group. My goodness, we just attended one BBQ party. Bob and I promised to not ever be on that group ever again.
***Some time ago I was working in an office environment. I noticed that certain people would tell me juicy little tidbits about other workers. I would smile & nod and change the subject. I never repeated the tidbits to anyone else. After a while, these folks stopped sharing these things with me. We still talked, but they didn’t bother sharing the gossip with me. My theory is, that gossipers won’t waste time on one who doesn’t feed the mill.***— Good that you ignored it. Nothing good comes out of it anyway.
Thank you for your comment. Happy to see you here again. Have a pleasant day!
Have you also noticed, the more the gossip is passed on the more the story changes, lol.
In a catholic majority country, is time once in a while one of the ten commandments are taught from the old testament – “do not covet what belongs to your neihbor”. If people start applying that a bit in their lives, they will find a bit more success in their own lives. God does not bless those who covet someone else’s success/material wealth or their spouse. Simple as that. People need to stand on their own two feet and achieve things, rather than get envious about others who have more. That “I am entitled to your money and success, not you”, attitude is the very reason that holds philippines down from achieving its full potential.
Well said priestly cat !
HI priestly cat – Good quote from the bible. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and comments here. Highly appreciated.
Have a good weekend!
It amazes me that a country with religion at it’s fore, gossips so much.
I believe somewhere in the Bible it states something to the effect that “Gossip is the work of the Devils tongue” !
Hi Chas – Good observation. Plenty of devil’s tongue/ jealous people here and other part of the world.
Take care. Have a wonderful day!