I was talking to a friend tonight. She called me up since we haven’t seen each other for quite awhile. Both of us were just so busy lately. Also since my cell phone I lost all of my contact numbers.. I thank God for FB and email, I am still in contact with some people even though I don’t have their number.
Anyway, she was telling me that whenever her daughter and son-in-law visit the Philippine again, she wants us to get together. Her daughter lives now in the US. She married a law enforcement officer from the mid-west in the USA if I remember. I sometimes corresponds with her daughter especially if her mom comes over to visit us.
My friend mentioned that her daughter will not be bringing that many gifts (fondly called pasalubong here). The daughter is a bit worried because she has so many friends to see but not much time to see them. My friend told her daughter that, she would rather have her and son-in-law here than the pasalubong. The daughter will not be staying long here since the husband just allowed short vacation (less than 2 weeks). The daughter said that they will not be going places, she just wants to hang out at their house and be with her mom and dad and her siblings. I told my friend that I understand those sentiments.
I’m telling my friend that when I used to visit here with Bob and kids, I usually just stay with my Papa & Mama at the house. My dad was so sickly. The whole 3 weeks that we took our vacation here, during daytime me and Chris stayed at the house. Bob and my siblings would go to town to buy stuff needed and our groceries. We paid big money for our fare not to hang out with other people but with my parents. To be honest, I was happy that we let Chris stay a lot at my parents house. It really made my dad happy. Few months after my dad saw Chris, my dad passed away. Next visit same thing me and the kids stayed with my mom, hang out with her. Even sometimes Bob went to see friends we stayed behind.
Anyway, my friend’s daughter is kind of worried that her friends might get upset/hurt that they will not be getting any pasalubong. They’re trying to save some money for something too that’s important to them. I told my friend to tell her daughter that “if she really has true friends with gifts or without they should be happy seeing her and the husband”. My friend said too that she’s telling her daughter that they will just buy little things from here to give. My friend didn’t really care that lots of people here likes the product that come from abroad. I said if it’s given, be happy with it.
I also told my friend if your daughter really is worried, another options for her daughter to do would be slowly buy stuff now and send balikbayan boxes almost the time they come here and just store at her parents house and they will open it when they arrive. The daughter will be coming for a visit before Thanksgiving in the States this year. So they still have time to send balikbayan boxes then.
Really Bob, our kids and I will be happy seeing the daughter of our friend and her son-in-law. I saw her daughter when we were just new here from the States. Really that was over 10 years ago already.
I wish her luck. Now it seems that many who have friends/relatives go to the US do expect gifts and hold grudges when not received. And now, its not simple gifts but cell phones, tablets, etc.
its easy for us to say not to buy anything and I hope its different for her, but sounds like she knows what the expectations are and thus concerned.
Yes! seems to be expected! A candy bar or an inexpensive trinket is not good enough anymore. Also, it used to be for the kids only, NOT the adults!
Times and greed have changed!
Hi Heinz – So true. But if the person came here to visit and on the budget, I guess don’t worry about anything then. Just enjoy the family, that’s all that matters. 🙂
Good to see you here again. Have a peasant day!
Hi Don – Yep, expectation does run high nowadays especially. Just like you’ve mentioned above. Those are not cheap.I think just don’t buy if you can’t afford it. Why worry about others when you don’t have the money though.
Thank you for stopping by!
Hi Feyma,
The first thing your friend’s daughter should do is NOT tell anyone she’s coming.Don’t post anything on facebook,twitter, instagram etc.She needs to make sure Nanay & Tatay don’t tell anyone either.That’s the only way she’ll have any control over who she really wants to see and spend time with.The visits of two weeks or less are the best ones.She can drop in on friends and surprise them if she so chooses,rather than endure the non stop procession of friends,distant relatives, and acquaintances, who will all be expecting something and will ultimately waste her time.Get in and get out on her own terms.If she adopts a stealth approach to her return to The Philippines she can enjoy her visit.
Hi bobbyaguho – So agree with you. I think that’s the plan of my friend’s daughter to not inform people. My friend just informing me because they want the husband of her daughter to see Bob and talk about retirement and living here.
Thank you so much for the input and the comment. I really appreciate that.
Have a wonderful day!
On the subject of shipping a box ahead of a visit. We normally do that as well. About 1 month ahead we would ship the box and mark it as DO NOT OPEN etc. Worked great in the past every time
here is the current issue. From California to just the NCR the lead time is now 2 – 3 months! (From San Francisco bay area and Los Angeles)
Why? Several reasons. All west coast ports are in a backlog for in and outbound cargo. When I go to work via the Bay Bridge now I see at least 20 ships everyday anchored in the bay waiting WEEKS to unload. There is a labor dispute here with no end in site.
Also on the Manila side similar issues with cargo movement, but more of a congestion issue and bad planning by the mayor and LTO regarding times allowed for over the road delivery from the port of Manila. That problem has no easy fix either until they relax the new rules etc.
Some ships do port outside of Manila, but many of the containers that haul the boxes must pass via Manila first. Limited exceptions of course. I understand that some companies are shipping direct to Mindanao and Cebu, but its a roll of the dice from this end if they go that way.
Lastly the customs issue for the bonding area in manila delay shipments as well. Our last box took 3 months to Meycauayan Bulacan. it sat in Manila for 35 days waiting for customs clearance of the whole load our box was in.
So I proposed to my event coordinator that we simply travel light this year but stop at DUTY FREE and buy all sorts of goodies with no waiting and no shipping hassles. In most cases you have 3 days once in country to avail of Duty free and all the big points of entry have easy access to DF outside the airports. In fact most of the stuff we haul anyway is available in the DF and many times its the same price or less. Even if it is a bit more its still worth it to avoid hauling hassles. However DF does not import that AMOY that happens when the box is opened!
For those not in the know, that’s the smell of the states trapped in the box when it is first opened that everyone wants a wiff of. Thats a party and pasulubong in and of itself!
Hi Tito Joe – Yep, the arrival of balikbayan box shipment really depend of what part of the USA it’s from, and what part of the Philippines it’s ship to. As always if outside Metro Manila it’s always later than it should. Sometimes the delays are endless. LOL
Yep, a lot of people do like you guys did, ship the box ahead of time and open it when the shipper comes. Everyone will be happy. 🙂
Always good to see you here!
The congestion has eased up and they are using alternative ports like Subic and Batangas City.
Hello Feyma.
Our family has about 3 decades of experience sending and bringing pasalubong to extended family back in the Philippines. Buying inexpensive things in advance and sending them by balikbayan box is the preferred method. Early on there were some squabbles and jealousies, and some rather undignified scrambles for loose items. My Mother-in-law solved that, and we have done the same, by labeling each and every item in the box with the name of the intended recipient. The items are simple. Mostly clothes and kids toys picked up at local flea markets, supplemented with assorted candies. The boxes remain sealed until she, or one of her daughters (all long time OFWs) are present to ensure the distribution is orderly. Anyone who raises a fuss gets less the next time around. The message is clear. Some have caused trouble enough to have been cut off completely. Mother was a respected school teacher in the barangay before she left for the States. She is the kindest and most generous person I have ever met. But when necessary, she will lecture grown men and women as if they are bratty kindergartners.
My wife has promised a tablet or phone to a few young folks, but these have to be earned. The deal is college graduation and certification in the chosen profession. So far, only one has completed that requirement. We intentionally give some people more or better stuff than others. The most productive tenant family gets special consideration, as do loyal and dedicated employees at our boarding house.
I hope your friends daughter keeps in mind that she is the one who earned the money to buy the pasalubong. She should not be bullied by unrealistic expectations. But it may take a few years to get things to settle down.
Take care,
Pete
Hi Pete – A very good and well thought advice you have for my friend’s daughter and to our readers here. I really appreciate you sharing it here. Thank you so much for that.
Have a great day!
My sisters and with my mom (when she was still alive) used to send regularly balikbayan boxes so it’s not a big deal for them not to get anything when we go home. I myself prefer to treat them to an outing – so they will have more memories to treasure. Nowadays many of my extended families and friends have members who are OFWs or are in the US also so they are no longer as disappointed when they don’t get a pasalubong. Or the ones I don’t want to meet or have no time for, I keep quiet. I keep telling them our lives here are very difficult, their lives are much easier as they are all together and could live with less. She should not worry too much about the pasalubong – quality time with her family is what she needs to look forward to.
Hi Lou – The norm then for your mom and sister. That’s good also that you’re treating them for something that they will not forget. Memories last a lifetime. I know what you mean. But somehow people here tend not to understand that the OFW, or people that lives abroad also works hard to make a living. That they don’t have the money tree outside the house that produce dollars. LOL Oh well, hope they will learn later…
Good to see you here. Thank you for stopping by!.
I have seen many people scrimp & save for a visit to their Home in the PH. They go back with new pasalubong made in China or India, as very little is made in the USA. Most of the USA goods can be bought there cheaper especially if you add the freight. After 20 years a cousin went back with boxes of quality used stuff, dishes, cloths, ect. Her brother and sister, both employed teachers from the providence met her in Olongapo (expecting her to give them at least 4 time their transportation costs) and when she presented her gifts they refused them because they weren’t new and then refused to talk to her because she didn’t bring them enough. She was very hurt and will probably never go back. I ended up using the household goods myself in my vacation home there (some of it better than I have here) and the A-hole cousins are not welcome in my house. I have no pasalubong for them. And why is it a lopsided deal? Why can’t the family of the visitor give a little something to the visitor? The problem is the people who max out their credit to return home, act like they have money to burn, then return to the states broke & in debt leaving people there to believe everyone in the USA are rich.
Hi bigp – Wow,that’s totally rude. The ungratefulness really is the problem with people sometimes. You give and they’re not appreciating what you give. They will slap you back and insult you. Is it the new generations now or some people just don’t have good character now. It’s so shameful though.
Good for you that you don’t let that person near you when you visit here. It’s just so sad that too many people don’t appreciate what’s given to them.
That’s one thing my friend’s daughter don’t want to get in debt while visiting here. I applauded her for that. Why indulged others and then they suffer at the end.
Thank you for sharing. Always good seeing you here. Have a great day!