Today, I have another installment in my “Dear Feyma” series which I have been featuring on this site for some time, whenever I have a question from a reader that I feel should be shared with the site readers.
“Dear Feyma, I am Filipina who works in Kuwait for a long time. I came home in the Philippines for 3 months now. I am not sure if I will go back soon. I am thinking of taking care of my 2 kids and want to start a business here. I saved some money for our future. I will help my husband on our small farm.
By the way, I am not writing regarding my problem. I want to share with you of how stupid or no nothing at all (walang kaalam-alam in Tagalog), I saw on TV, they said naive. I saw that you wrote about “A Friendly Advice“. I don’t comment, I’m just an avid reader of your blog. Keep up of what your doing.
The young girl, our neighbor she’s like 20 years old, having a relationship with foreigner. For me, okay lang. I am bothered when the lady takes all the money of the foreigner and spends it for partying and clothes. The foreigner told one of the family member that he don’t have much money, but the lady don’t listen, she continue her partying. Being young so she party and spend the money with not important things.
I read I think from your blog a long time already about foreigners problems with girlfriends here in Pinas? You know, if they know already problems like that happened before why they still give money to the girl?
I hope that foreigners open their eyes. Thank you for reading my email… Maraming Salamat, Elly“
Thank you for writing Elly. To be honest, what you’ve described on your email keeps happening. The problem, the foreigners, no matter how good any blogs in the world were written about be very careful not to be scammed. Some foreigners will never listen, some won’t. We’ve been advising people that emailed and asked us and we even made lots of posts regarding that same topics. They will do what they thought was best for them. Later we found out that they’ve lost almost all their money. Really the best thing for those people would be for them to learn their lesson the hard way. It might be harsh for me to say this. Let them lose all what they have for them to learn. You know what I mean?
Hey, we’ve been advising certain foreigners that we cared about. It’s just a waste, they will say what the lady did to us and at the end he was against us because we said what we think. So for you Elly, if the foreigner wants an advice from you, try not to say anything to him at the end he might blame you because of the advice you gave him. Been there, done that. Been burnt. Not again…
That’s another cycle for the foreigner that’s hard to break. I just hope to some foreigners that they will just accept the loss and move on. Don’t be drinking and be violent here. Being in jail is the last thing a foreigner wants here. I’ve seen the jailhouse in the Philippines: Ain’t pretty you guys.
Thank you again Elly for the email. You open my Dear Feyma again. I appreciate your courage to write. If you ever travel to Kuwait again, have a safe trip there. Good luck to you!
Have a blessed 2015 Everyone!!!
What Elly and you, Feyma write, Is a topic near and dear to my heart. The older foreigner is most of the time lonely and desperate for a life partner and often it is a young woman or girl, that is first to get his attention. While there are a few older women that will scam, they are much less likely to do so than the young woman. Maturity is certainly a big consideration even if ” age is just a number”. My advice to a foreigner wanting co come here to live and find a life partner is to not try the dating sites first. Instead , make the trip and get settled in first. He will find that there are many things He will want or need and his money will go rather without a Girlfriend when he first gets here. He will also discover a long line of ladies hoping to get his attention and marry him. It will give him time to get to know them and their families before he commits himself. It is also easier to see through a woman that is there just for his money. (No Money, No honey Syndrome) Sadly as Elly pointed out Only few will listen and take avise.
Hi Joe – True maturity is really the key. Problem is a lot of those guys wants younger one. Of course what do they expect, a matured mind? Some younger one also had matured mind, but you had to go to the province for those girls.
I’ve seen a bit older foreigners dating younger one and they complained that they felt they’re raising a young daughter. When separated from the young girlfriend after complaining still dating a young one again. So he must be addicted to what he was complaining about. Sigh… Whatever…
Geez, really it just makes my blood boils hearing the whining and going back again. So tiring..
Good to see you here Joe. Have a great day!
I feel sorry for those lonely foreigners, and those pinays taking advantage of them are really pathetic, giving other pinays a bad name.
Hi Vivien – I felt sorry for them too, but it’s also annoying hearing them whined, then they will go back again to the same routine. Sometimes it’s better for them to learn the hard way.
Yep, its embarrassing to see that we are drag also and be labeled as the same as these scumbags. So annoying and yeah so pathetic.
Have a pleasant day!
Really?
I don’t feel sorry for them at all. That knife cuts both ways. Most of the ones crying the loudest are the ones who should be old enough to know better. As Feyma indicated in the article, giving advice, solicited or not, is wasted breath.
Like you, I don’t like the “reputation” it brings, but honestly, an awful lot of these people bring whatever happens to them on themselves.
Let’s say what has to be said. Its about the more physical aspect of the relationship. These older guys dont really think these young girls are attracted, they simply choose to ignore the obvious so they can get the physical.
Cause back home, they wouldn’t behave in this manner, why do so here in the Philippines? Do they expect to buy love?
I think such behaviour is repugnant. I despised it in Australia and feel no different in the Philippines. Its not a secret, and reading any blog on the issue will educate you. They choose it. Its always the guys fault as he made the choice to keep her. She’s doing what’s expected.
As always feyma, you are the bright light that guides us to the safer shores! Thank you for another excellent article!
Hi Victor – Well said… Hey some of those folks thinks they’re the hottest thing alive.
*** As always feyma, you are the bright light that guides us to the safer shores! Thank you for another excellent article! *** — Thank you so much Victor. At least you saw that I’m trying to help out. You know some takes it negatively.
Take care and big hug to the baby. Have a pleasant day!
Hi John – I can see your point. It’s really a mind boggling that those foreigners wants advice and when you give them they will ignore and will do the opposite. Find out too that they will say bad stuff behind your back. So annoying. Hey, done with that advising thing already and just ignore them.
Better that those foreigners learn the hard way. If they ever lose everything, might as well for them to wake up.
It used to bother me when people generalized us all. But now I don’t, since I don’t do what those others did.
Thanks for stopping by. Have a great day!
Feyma;
The young girl must be reminded of fact that all “Gravy Trains” will one day run out of fuel. Yes the young Piney is to blame but the old foreigner is the enabler and cries about it, but still allows it to happen. Both are to blame.
Hi Paul – I agree. Well, the lady thought that the money tree outside keeps bearing the money fruit. LOL. The foreigner was so scared that he would lose the lady, he keeps giving even though he is almost out of money.
Another cycle in the Philippines that just keeps turning. Have a good one Paul!
I do not see FIlipinas get a bad name, because of this, they just want to “live a normal life”. That’s what they see others do on the Internet, Facebook and so on.
Blame the guy, he is the mature and should be able to judge for himself.
Any normal thinking man would not just send money, without knowing for what and how it’s used.
If you are an old man having some kind of relation with a young girl, what do he expect?
Stupid is as stupid does and i just don’t see that it’s the girl who is stupid. She just act according to her age, but the guy does not.
I do not think it is ok, but as said:
What can you expect from a young girl, suddenly being able to do those things she see other young people do.
What should we expect from a mature guy? Maybe jut using his head and experience.
Hi Axel – I see your point. Sometimes too many judgmental people lurking around and just wanting to say something. They didn’t realized their already hurting others.
I think at the end the guy thought that he was so in love and definitely gives everything to the lady that he’s in love with. Then too late for him to realized that it’s not him that the lady was in love with, it’s really his wallet.
I just hope to the many foreigners that they will read and study before coming here. That they should know the girl and the family better before giving everything to her. So that he will not be penniless at the end.
Cheers!
Where an older guy has a much younger girlfriend who just wants to party (which is reasonable to expect a young person to do) then the guy should really put some thought into what he really wants from the relationship. Where a girl is extracting every ounce of cash out of a foreigner you can bet the family is putting extreme pressure on her to do so. My advice guys, think with the right head.
Hi Murray – Good advice. Thanks for that.
*** Where a girl is extracting every ounce of cash out of a foreigner you can bet the family is putting extreme pressure on her to do so.*** — True, I’ve heard foreigners say that to us. Like we say to the foreigner, “if she’s not the one you want to spend your life with end it now before both of them gets really heartbroken”. Others listened.
*** My advice guys, think with the right head. *** — Hopefully… LOL
Have a nice day!
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My advice guys, think with the right head.
This is not just a problem here. It happens in every place in the world. A person looking for a relationship needs to take care and remember to look with mind and heart before jumping in. Take the time to know the person and if something does not feel right step back and never open the purse in hopes to find love, that leads in a different direction. I got lucky with my wife but it took time and effort for us both, we talked and got to know each other for over a year and a half, became friends then met and another 9 months before we were married. And I have never been happier as I have been over these 6+ years and I know I am lucky.
Hi Luke – I totally agree with what you said. Honestly we told some foreigners of what you just said. In our face they will say they agree, but later we find out he did the opposite. It’s just annoying to me, why asked us and waste our time if you will just do what you want. Later found out he is having trouble financially. Frustrating…
*** I got lucky with my wife but it took time and effort for us both, we talked and got to know each other for over a year and a half, became friends then met and another 9 months before we were married. And I have never been happier as I have been over these 6+ years and I know I am lucky.*** —— Good for you. It really pays off when you don’t just jump into the relationship right away.
To those foreigners If planning to live here for good and single, why rush into the relationship. Try to take time to know the person and the family. It’s so much better to wait a bit to really know each other.
Thank you so much for the heads up Luke. Highly appreciated. Have a great day!
Hi Feyma –
The one screaming indicator that tells me whether a young Pinay is genuinely interested in an older foreigner not because of his money is her appearance in public, her manner of dress, and demeanor. This is strictly opinion, of course, but is based on what I have observed during a 3-week vacation in the Philippines recently.
Next to our table at the Harbor View the night we dined there was a middle-aged Korean and a beautiful, young Pinay. The well-dressed Korean was obviously a respected figure in the Korean community, perhaps a successful businessman even, as no less than 5 Korean couples stopped at their table, bowed and exchange pleasantries with the couple. The diners at Harbor View that night were overwhelmingly Korean, btw.
The Pinay was dressed in jeans, a simple blouse, and sweater draped over her shoulders. Her jeans, I observed, was not the skin-tight, low-wasted variety that is so popular among youthful Pinays. Her shining black hair was simply brushed back, and she wore no make-up. But, her manner of dress and appearance were not the only screaming indicator for me that she was not a scam artist. It was her demeanor that sealed the deal in my mind. I observed no exaggerated display of affection on the part of the Pinay, like leaning on his shoulder or feeding him spoonfuls of the bulalo soup. None of that. They spoke in subdued tones throughout the dinner. In Tagalog! That’s why I knew theirs wasn’t a business relationship.
On the other hand – It was Christmas eve, and Robinson’s mall in Ermita, just a couple of blocks from our hotel was packed with shoppers. My wife and I were just passing the time at Starbucks there, observing Philippine life when another older Korean – young Pinay couple attracted my attention. The Korean looked pathetic, following a few steps behind a dominant-appearing young Pinay as if he was a dog on a leash. She was wearing a tight, short dress up to here that when I pointed my Sony camcorder surreptitiously at her, the camera simply shut off in censorship mode. LOL She was bent over peering at some gifts on display, so you can imagine the image she herself displayed at that particular time. The Korean silently stood by, his fat wallet already in his hands.
Oh, by the way. Of all the older foreigner – young Pinay couples I saw in malls through out Manila, Makati, Pasay, the Fort and Quezon city, the overwhelming majority of foreigners was either Korean or Middle Eastern men. I hardly saw Americans and Europeans.
Hi John – You got a good point there. That’s one thing we observed nowadays with the younger one with the older foreigner husband. The young one would almost always wear like a 5 inches length of the short shorts or a really tight short dress and 5-6 inches high heels ( like what you said when they bend down the camcorder do the censorship mode. LOL). When observing the people that saw that kind of scene the married people and the conservative single girls really had the sour face. But the single guys and I’m sure even the married men were so happy seeing the girl like that (maybe for them “good sight seeing… ha ha ha”). Is it just a trend nowadays? When Bob and I married, I didn’t see girls wearing that kind of dress and short shorts like they have now. Oh well…
Lots of Koreans here in Davao too. So with other foreigners from Europe, USA, and other Asian countries too.
Good to see you here again. Have a wonderful day!
Well said, Luke!
Well said, Luke!
To men seeking a wife in the Philippines some advice. Take it or leave it.
If you hear no money no honey then it is time to runny or if you can’t resist it hit it and quit it, because once you are married you will be giving up the money whether or not you get the honey!
Hi Jay – True… Thank you so much for the advice and the comment.
Nice to see you here again. Have a great day!
Hi feyma , some people never learn and won’t learn until it’s to late, I’m with John Miele on this
One they are old enough to know better ,so I don’t feel sorry for them some of them lose everything ,
Who can you blame if you can’t spot a scam at their age you never will ,there’s plenty of good woman
In the Philippines just open your eyes and use commen sense . Derek in pasig.
I Have to Agree Derek and John
Too many people confuse love with lust!
Hi Derek – Well said. Thank you… Hoping those foreigners will learn though.
Always good to see you here. Have a wonderful day!
Hi Phi!Greetings! I totally agree with everything you said.I am Princess from Phi,happily married to a great guy from the east coast.I believe that experienced is the best teacher.There are plenty of bad Filipina but still foreigner wants to gamble.It’s heartbreaking reading stories about them being scammed by heartless women.All I can say is it’s useless to give advice to someone who doesn’t appreciate it.If you want to be happy with your life,visit the Philippines before you decide to be an ATM machine or better yet hire a detective agency after you left.Plenty of Filipinas are willing to do anything just to have a better life even if it means hurting others.Being kind is good but most women mistaken kindness as a sign of weakness.Imagine yourself being back home,start the petition,send money and end up seeing her pictures with another foreigner?It hurt so bad right?Sadly countless of this happened not only in the Philippines but everywhere.But I still believed there are plenty of good Filipinas out there.Two thumbs up!If you’re hurt,betrayed and broke?move on and learn from it.If you want to be happy?be honest,be yourself,be patient and always stay on guard.Thank you for this wonderful site and hope this foreigners will stop being a Fool and end up being a loser.And to the heartless wish they’ll find a spot in their hearts to stop doing this.Good luck!!!
Hi Princess – Thank you. Good to see you here. Thank you for the good advice. Ha ha ha, been there done that myself. Many foreigners wants advice from us, then you gave them the advice then they will slapped it back in our face because they do the opposite of what we said. So why asked advice in the first place, it’s a waste of time and emotions. Some of them, it’s better for them to learn the hard way. If they lose everything for them to learn, so be it.
Thank you for giving advice and comment here. I really appreciated many women coming forward and give advice here. Highly appreciated.
Have a wonderful day!