Beware the ides of March I commented last week, little did I know that it would jump up and bite me square on the butt. It was Friday the 15th I was puterin’ away as happy as a clam at a New England Clam Bake. Dumb as dirt and just a huntin’ and a peckin’ on my keyboard writing my article for my Fearless Leader Mindanao Bob, the LiP guy. WOW! Now he knows that I always write them at the last minute, as that’s what works for me.
I did notice that my internet was cutting in and out, but I knew that the magical people at Globe were updating the service in my area, so I didn’t give it a second thought. Saturday morning I was uploading pictures for my article to Yahoo when I noticed it only put on one picture and rejected the rest. Mmmm kinda’ odd! Then I went to WordPress to upload my story, and 20 minutes and three tries later it was done. Off to Facebook, now this is where I knew I was up that proverbial creek sans a proper paddle. Nothing, zip, nada, zippo, I’m locked out of the World Wild Web .It was the end of the world as I knew it.
I took my dongle into the other room and hooked it up to my wife’s tablet and it is just putterin’ away. As happy as a kid in my purok with 10 pesos clutched in his or her little hand standing in front of a Sari-Sari (Store). But neigh it just would not work on my dinosaur, many times rebuilt, Puter. Okay now you non-genius with a puter “Paul”, what are you gonna’ do now?
The answer popped in to my head as quick as a bullet fired from a Diane Feinstein’s accursed assault weapon, “Call Joel, my puter guy!” And while I’m off line I’ll go to my epub books and make sure they all have covers and have been converted to the correct format, while I’m there I might as well put them in order from the first to the last order they were published in. Yes I’m a tad anal retentive. But now I can read all my favorite authors in order, all twelve hundred books.
Sunday morning, Jayden and his mother are off to church. I’m having coffee in the kitchen with my darling Mayang, and Joel the puter guy is at the door. I go outside and Moto-San my large white Japanese Spitz lifts his leg and pee’s on Joel’s shoe. Something the dog has never done before. I now get the feeling that my internet days of surfing the World Wide Web are doomed.
Puter guy still shaking his foot, to dry it off, said; “Tito Paul, I think I know the problem.” With his foot fairly dry he goes into the deep dark bowels and dark recesses of my puter, hunting a little beast called “Mal-Ware” Please don’t even ask, as I was clueless as to what he meant. He found some hiding and exterminated them as they tried to run and hide.
But alas still no connection to the inter-web thingy, so with his head hung down, and a dejected look glued to his face the Mighty Joel the puter guy, crashed and burned in utter defeat. A sadder sight I’ve never seen! On his way out Moto-San the wonder dog, tried that leg lifting trick once more, I should have let him.
Monday morning, I take the New Old Honda to Mark’s Air/Con shop in Olongapo for its summertime A/C tune-up. While in the “Big PO” I went over to Globe Office to see what cock-bull story I’d receive from them. The ladies test and poke and prod my dongle. (Not a word, not one single comment will I accept concerning that statement, I’m warning you!) It is fine, humming along, can’t find anything wrong with it at all. Since it worked well on Mayang’s tablet and Ymir Thea’s I-Phone I believed them. But for P. 2,800.00 I could purchase the newest dongle which made my 7 month dongle obsolete this month. Remember the term “State of the Art, means soon to be replaced by something newer and better”
Tuesday, at home on the mountain suffering from Facebook withdrawal and knowing that one or two readers of my article are going unanswered. I think to myself, it must be my puter that is at fault; maybe if Joel reformatted my C-Drive it would solve my problem. But! He can’t make it up to the mountain for a couple of days. Live with it Paul. (I think his shoe is still wet)
Wednesday morning, all my e-books are updated, so why am I even sitting in front of my stand alone non puting’ puter’ looking at nothing Now that is plum dumb but I think I was yearning for those glorious days of yesteryear when I was online. I took a sip of coffee and looked at the wire that connected my dongle to my puter and thought; “Could it be?) And then in a last ditch, Hail Mary pass, I hooked the dongle to a new wire and, bells rang, a Celestial choir sang with Heavenly voices. Lights flashed, buzzers sounded and Paul was re-connected to the world once more. A wire, a stinkin’ wire was the cause of my five day banishment from the WEB. I took the wire outside and was walking to a trash fire that was burning up the street, thinking I be rid of this processed wire forever. Before I tossed it on to the flames of hell, a little girl gestured to me that she wanted the wire. I smiled and gave it to her thinking; “I wonder why she wanted that?” Then she started skipping rope (Wire?) and seemed, well, as pleased as the other kid in front of the Sari-sari with the 10 pesos. The USB fittings on both ends made a great handle.
I logged on to LiP, and took care to answer all comments on last week’s article, then jumped into Face Book and found that I was not missed at all, well my brother Dan, and my shipmate Randy did inquire as to my whereabouts and wondered if I’d left them anything in my will. Randy did post a very funny picture and comment that I’ve included here.
I can’t remember the exact verbiage to this quote or even who said it, so I’ll paraphrase; “Sometimes it is the simple answer, which solves the problem.”