Live in the Philippines

Live in the Philippines helps expats with visas, moving and other services regarding the Philippines.

Facebook follies

Expats / by

Yesterday when I woke up I had a friend request on Facebook from a fellow named Jeremy Lay.  I am pretty open to accepting anybody who wants to be my friend, so I accepted his invitation to FB friendship.  Because of my public profile from this website and some of my other sites, a lot of people want to be my friend on Facebook.  People who enjoy reading my articles here and such.  So, I don’t necessarily know all the people who want to befriend me, but that’s not an issue for me.  Really, it gives me a chance to make a new friend and develop that into a true friendship in many instances.

So, I approved Jeremy’s friendship request without a second thought, and went on about my day.

Later in the day, I got an e-mail notifying me that Jeremy had written on my Facebook Wall.  I went and checked it out, and this is what Jeremy said (all of the mis-spellings are his, I am quoting it verbatim):

Your weard you got a Asian fetish? I got to watch who I add to my list your white dude get some American freinds are you part of a mail order bride click? your face book weards me out wow weard  –  Jeremy Jay

Hmm.  Really?  Yes, for sure the vast majority of my Facebook friends are Filipinos.  Duh… I live in the Philippines.  Wouldn’t it be natural that most of my friends and people I know would be also from the Philippines?

So, to answer Jeremy’s questions:

  1. No, I do not have an “Asian fetish.”  I am indeed married to an Asian woman and have been for nearly 22 years.  I don’t consider it a fetish.
  2. Yes, I am white, and I do have American friends.  I didn’t realize that white people should be required to have white friends.
  3. No, I am not part of any “mail order bride click.”  Is Jeremy part of a “white supremacy clique?”
  4. Jeremy, I am sorry if I “weird” you out… you are the one who requested to be friends, not me!

Ah, the joys of meeting new “friends” on Facebook!

Reader Interactions

Comments

    • Actually, I didn’t get the chance to delete him, Viviene! After posting his rant, he deleted me! Ha ha… so I didn’t get the satisfaction!

      Yeah, I have heard all of the slurs against Lin. At least he also has gotten a lot of praise, though. It is quite shameful, though, some of the things that have been said about him.

      • I’ve just read your article, late though but I would still like to add two Americans that I met here in the Philippines last year: The guy from New York couldn’t spell the word Christmas. The American woman from San Diego couldn’t get the right spelling of the word friend. I was shocked!

  7. There will always be racism in this world. As stupid as it is we can not escape it. Sad to see it is still goes on. Mobile Alabama is still the worst in the USA. Really it is a shameful part of our history that should have never happened. There are groups out there that won’t let anyone forget it. Which I also believe also fuels the fire in racism, which is even more shameful and harmful. I would delete Jeremy only cuz no matter what you say He will find fault in your words. I also think He would do his very best to bring your sites down.

  9. I got the joy of experiencing racism from a co-worker. I told her of my engagement to a Filipina and got the following response.

    “I’m ashamed of you! Those asian women will marry anyone. They’ll marry pigs that should never be married!”

    I thanked her for calling me a pig and walked away.

    Could it be attitudes like that that cause white American males to marry Filipinas? hmmmmm, let me think on that…YES!!!!!

  10. You said it right. And thumbs up for keeping your cool and showing that guy you’re totally normal and he isn’t. No to racism anywhere of any kind.

  11. I’ve never been personally slammed on fb but have deleted a lot of WEARD people. The great thing about fb is I can practice my own style of censorship as I see fit and not get in trouble for it. I’ve seen some pretty raunchy, nasty, and racist stuff and then you get the drama types with all their family problems and prescription drug usage. Just too much information! I used to grow my “friends” base for business and networking purposes and now I can say I’m deleting more than I’m adding. A net negative growth. Funny, how everything seems to come full circle.

    • Hi Randy – I have more than 3,000 friends on FB, and I must say that I have had very few problems like this, so I don’t really get bothered much by it.

      • Bob,
        Unfortunately its just ignorance and being uneducated. Also alot of people see it as a threat to them and are jealous. Sad to say racism will not totally disappear. Educating people is the best way to do it though. Take care and have a nice day.

  12. Funny you posted this today. I just got home a few minutes ago and run into a racist group in he little town of Berea KY. About 15 minute from my home…. They are calling it a Rebel Run……they are driving through the college there just to put fuel on the fire…..makes me sick

  15. Oh well, I wanted to leave this comment on your blog but I already have 2 posts there, and seeing the comments there made me remember about one incident years ago in America. I was working for a Connecticut newspaper and was into advertising. I heard a co-worker talking to my client referring to me, ” Oh she can’t speak English because she’s from the other world.” So, I confronted her and asked, “Oh really, I can’t speak English? FYI, is this English you’re hearing? From my world, we speak so many languages. I speak 5. How about you? How many languages do you speak ? ” She just looked at me with a raised eyebrow, stomped her feet, and walked away. By the way, she was then 22 years old.

  30. it doesn’t surprise me he deleted you. coz that’s what cowards do. talk tough then run. and its usaully the dumb ones like him that join those hate groups coz misery loves company. toghether they blame other’s for there irresponsible lives.

  33. Bob
    I have had some odd facebook request from what appear to be Filipina women.
    I kind of check out who they have as mutual friends before I friend them, and usually don’t.
    Call me paranoid but sometimes these people that want to friend you just want to be nosy and check out your pictures not really a problem because everybody loves pictures. Pretty much I limit my facebook friends to family, friends, some of the people I have friended are expats there in RP that I have interacted with on the net and I don’t mind them checking out my pics because I also like to check out pics of Americans living in the RP to get a feel for the lifestyle.

    • Hi Neal – Yeah, I understand you on that. For me, in my case, it’s more about business, networking and marketing to add more friends. It helps me drive more traffic to my websites, and helps me make my income, so if I limited my friends to only family and close “real” friends, that would have a big impact on the income I make.

  36. Bob
    I totally understand the more traffic the more tolls.
    Glad you liked my new FB Pic. 5 days and counting down!!

  38. It’s not as bad as it used to be, and I’m grateful for that. I think for many of us with Filipina wives/families, what we experience more frequently is more akin to “culturism” than racism, since what the perpetrators of this experience usually “complain” about seems to have less to do with physical or racial characteristics and more to do with cultural stereotypes. Whatever the case, though, ignorance is definitely the common denominator.

    • Hi Shawn – When the guy says “you’re white, you should get more white friends…” that’s pure and simple racism in my book. Nothing cultural about it.

      • No disagreement at all regarding the particular situation you described – Jeremy’s comments were clearly racist and ignorant to the core. He’s just a dumb kid projecting his own discomfort upon you, it seems to me.

        I was speaking more generally of experiences I and others I know have more commonly had here in the States. What my wife endures over here is most often culturally-driven, i.e. she greatly outperforms her kano co-workers on the job and they tend to lash out with attitudes and comments regarding her culture rather than her skin color or other physical attributes.

        • Hi Shawn – Yes, I agree that many situations are cultural differences. And, the opposite here in the Philippines for people like me, where it is us Americans and other foreigners who have the cultural difference compared to the general population.

  39. “Thank you Jaydj. I agree, racism should end, unfortunately we will likely always have racism in our world, though.” so true, in any country

  40. The dumbing-down of the USA is just about complete… We will soon be entering the age of Idiocracy… All part of the reason for my escape plan…

  42. Just goes to show you, even a monkey can operate a computer.

    I think there are a fair amount of people that get their pleasure writing comments like this all over the internet.

    I made a comment on an article about the earthquake here in the Philippines, and was called a pervert….traitor…etc..for living here. I made a comment back….I was ashamed to be an American, and was happily married. Americans have to be the most ignorant people on earth, when it comes to other cultures and countries.

    Oh well….my rant for the day…..

  43. Bob – Yes, the ugliness of racism is alive and well. Thankfully, enlightened people like us and the countless others outnumber those knuckleheads. My personal encounters with that crowd have been few. You can only imagine the “comments” I’ve received over the years of a black man dating interracially. I can say that such comments only strengthen me and don’t deter me. The acceptance of people beyond race and culture makes one a most intellectual and respected person.

  44. Thanks for sharing that Bob. I wonder what “Stone Age” part of the US he’s from. I love the freedoms we are granted here in the US but I sure dislike some of the “vomit” we are forced to accept as a “right”. I wish the founding fathers had called it “The Bill of Responsibilities” and First on the list should have been “Wake Up”. I hope you used the “Report” button 🙂

  45. There will always be a few that are ignorant. I spent 20 years in a marriage to a Filipina here in the US, and I can honestly say we never encountered racism. However, I have been single now for six years and I can tell you many white women do not like that I am attracted to Asian women.

    And by the way, this last episode of House had him receiving $30,000 to marry this Ukrainian mail order bride, just hilarious!

    • I had an offer of $10,000 to marry a Chinese woman. I took it as a joke, but not sure if the person offering was joking. LOL

      • Hi Henry, probably was not a joke. A guy that I knew from work was offered $20,000 to marry a family member of a Vietnamese family for two tear till she got her green card. This is one reason marriage is scrutinized so much when applying for a green card. I told him you need to stay clear of that because there are large fines and jail time involved if caught.

      • It’s rarely up front and in your face. Behind your back is where and when most of the comments are bantered about. While bowling in a league one year, I caught a another team member, who we knew, doing a chinese style bow with hands together and elbows out (for effects I guess), behind my filipino teammates back while he was bowing. It’s not always obvious.

  47. The voice of ignorance rears its ugly head once again! I have noticed that poor education and racism seem to go hand in hand. Wonder if this guy would be so racist if he was traped in a burning building and the fireman that was saving him was of another race? I bet he wouldn’t be saying I’ll wait for a white fireman. Thanks for sharing this Bob and I love the responce!

  48. Ha ha. Some people have no love for themself, if they would do or say stuff like that. Love has no color. And being a human being is what everone needs to focus on, thats what is wrong with our world now. When we bleed it is all red!!!!!!! And for him to make that comment about mail order bride only shows his childness. And for some to say they marry pigs, come on now, well they didnt marry you so they must not be that desperate!!!! Some people need to get a life and grow up.

  49. Hi Bob, There is not so much racism in Canada, or at least I have not come across it at all. Maybe it is the multiculturalism stance of the federal government – we are all Canadians with different backgrounds!

    Me, I’ve got less than 24 hours and I am on my way back to Luzon with my girlfriend. She will be visiting for 3 weeks, and I will be staying indefinitely. (more in Fb later) Looking forward to some warmer weather. This hovering around zero with snow falling is not to my liking!

  55. Hi Bob!

    Maybe he thought you was a skinhead because of your hairstyle. Hee hee Joke! He sounds like a fine example of the Aryan Nation with his advanced writing skills.

  57. Hi, Bob!

    Unfortunately, racism is becoming a ubiquitous reality. There’s even racism in world football, and we can find a whole lot of racist crap in the comments section on Yahoo News! When the news of the flash floods disaster in Mindanao came up last year in Yahoo News, there were a lot of comments saying that the people who perished deserved such fate because they were either poor or were “monkeys”. And whenever there’s news about the Philippines in Yahoo, oftentimes readers refer to Filipinas as “whores” or “poontangs”. These were actual comments (and yes, almost all were from U.S. readers, as their locations are indicated). Sad reality indeed.

    And what’s even sadder is that even the younger generation of Americans (not all of course, well at least I hope) seems to have some racist feelings as well. I had a former high school friend who immigrated to the U.S. several years ago, and he said, an 8-yr old kid once approached him and asked him what country he was from. My HS friend told him: “I’m American.” To this the kid replied back: “Are you joking? You’re not white!”

  58. This Jeremy guy is not a native English speaker…He thinks white people are bad and must have evil motives…

    Racism exists in every country and culture…it is surely not a uniquely American problem..

      • That can’t be possible with writing like that! But if you know who he is, then I guess you know who he is! Or, maybe he is using fake pics/info on his profile. One never knows! Oh man!

          • I would be thoroughly embarrassed to be a native English speaker and write like that. I guess some people just do not value communication skills all that much.

            • I would be embarrassed to write like that whether I was a native English speaker, or had learned the language as an additional language.

              • And it’s getting worse according to survey amongst these new generation-GEN AO (Generation Always On), affected by these aversion to using text messaging and relying mostly on computers to research answers instead of learning–instant gratification.

                Currently watching the storm and tornado wrecking havoc in the Southeast and going towards Mid-Atlantic. Lots of death and property damages in AL, OH, IN, TN and moving east. Will be in our area by around mid-night….few hours from now.

                Mars

        • I’ve seen my American bosses in the USA wrote the way like that Jeremy guy. They used to ask me for the correct spelling too.

    • I’m not so sure. You should see the competition for illiteracy in the U.S. today. Even many college grads cannot write or spell correctly.

  59. Hi Bob- I usually find these type of people (racists), to be uneducated and close minded. i don’t respect them as they are most often disrespectful. Jeremy is just one of them…

  60. Maayong Gabii Bob,

    There will always be people like this guy in the world. According to this guy, I guess that I have an Asian fetish (not) because I’m married to an Asian woman. I sure do wish that people would quit stereotyping others just because of the way they choose live. I think that they need to check there own back yard before jumping to conclusions.

    • Maayong buntag, Greg! Kumusta ka ba?

      I really agree with you. Just because a person has an Asian wife, it does not mean that he has a fetish! Sheesh!

      Thanks for your comment.

  61. bob,

    stupid like him is what destroying the world, and we will never run out of stupid people. now, i wonder, where do they manufacture stupid people?? lolz..

  62. Hi bob i think you guys call these people rednecks or something along those lines ,we justr call them racist pigs take the pillowcase of your head you coward .

    • Hi chris – I am not sure if I would equate redneck and racist.. yeah, maybe a lot of rednecks are racists, but I don’t think all are. Hard for me to decide if the two are one and the same or not!

  63. Bob,

    AHH the phrase “Asian fetish” what a compliment to all of us who are either married or in a serious relationship with a Filipina. From a person who problably has never been out of the states let alone his home town.
    The way I understand the meaning of fetish acccoring to Webster’s is as follows.
    1. an object believed to have magical power 2. an object of unreasoning devotion
    or concern 3. an object whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification.
    Well than I guess he is right I have a Filipina (asian) festish. Been having it for 32 years as of 25 feb 2012. My Asawa is the center of my world and I would do anything for her. And I’m more in love with her now than when we first meet.
    But the part about Mail order bride made me laugh apparently he has a fetish for trying to get a woman by any means possible. And my guess is that he couldn’t get a date with any home town girl. Even if you dressed him in a 500.00 suit and hung a stack of 100 dollar bills around his neck. 🙂
    So he’s stuck in a box and can’t see over the edge his problem not ours.