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Family asking for money

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Living here for awhile now I hear a lot of my family members asking for money. The people that really have asked me were the people that are not even close to me.  Honestly, I told them that the only close family that Bob and I would really support would be my Mom.  At that time my Mom was staying with my sister. Even all my siblings knew before we came here that I will not be supporting anybody, unless I had some extra money.  I told them to not be expecting money from me. I will help if I can. They know I meant it too.

Right now Bob and I are sending 8 kids to school, 5 of them are nieces and nephews.  Sometimes, some members of my family still want some financial support.  They still don’t understand that Bob and I have a lot of people to support and lots of bills to pay.  Like a few weeks ago somebody in my family was asking us if we could pay her college ring.  Of course I said no. She can graduate without a ring anyway.  This coming June I am sure a lot of my family members and friends will text or call me to ask if they can borrow money for enrollment.  It’s hard, but I have to say no for that. I can’t afford to send them all to school.

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This is one thing that I like about living a distance away from my family. If they live too near, it is so difficult seeing them struggle in life.  But I have to be tough and not baby them all, for them to learn.  My Mom is here with me anyway. I don’t worry anymore.

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Feyma

Feyma Martin is a Columnist here on the Live in the Philippines Web Magazine, she is the wife of site Publisher, Bob Martin. Feyma is originally from the Philippines, but went to the USA for 10 years after marrying Bob in 1990. Bob & Feyma moved to the Philippines to live permanently in 2000.

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ken
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ken

hi feyma… i remember my fiances relatives asking for money when i came to davao to visit. my fiance knows i dont have much. so when they would ask she would tell them….. i have my honey but no money. 🙂 also since i am planning to move there next november we did make a buisness investment we bought a cow from her uncle..but thats different coz we r investing money not just giving it away…but by buying the cow it helped her uncles family and will provide future money for both her uncle and our future family.

joe wilson
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joe wilson

no, you just opened the gate, and the begging will never end.

feyma
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Hi Ken,
Good that your fiances family have an idea now that you are not giving in. But expect more asking when time you move here.
Good that you already started having business here. Good luck to you and your fiance.

Feyma

Elisa
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Elisa

Hi Feyma, I'm sorry to make an off-topic comment, but could you make a blog post about appropriate dress for female travelers? I will be spending almost 2 months in a rural area by Lake Sebu, and while I have been to the Philippines before, I have never been to Mindanao let alone a rural area. Thanks!

Crystal
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Crystal

Why do you want go there. That place is red zone, because it’s filled with Muslims extremist. Mindanao is not wise place. That part of the Philippines is the Middle East of the Philippines. They have different laws and rules. You’re putting yourself in danger going there.

You would have to dress very conservatively. Cover your hair, wear long pants and top. It’s very Islam.

Alf Smith
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Alf Smith

Ahhhhhh this brings back memories of the the first visit to Mati … my wifes ancestoral home …… 50,000 ps + …. ive never been anywhere in my life where you were invited somewhere and you were expected to pay …. Needless to say …. it didnt happen again …. thing is …. the family don't like being told no do they? It's caused us many problems over time … the answer ive found is to tell them "I wont give you money but i'll give you a days work ….. they tend to leave very quickly …. I learned… Read more »

Merly F
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Merly F

Hi Feyma, I have the same experience too. I am married to an American man and living here in the US for 3 years now. I and my husband are doing okay financially and we agreed to send money back home every month for my parents, the thing that I don't undertand now are my siblings who always expect us to help them financially too. They always come up with any reasons for us to send money. I have told them many times that we can't support another 2 families (my sister and bother) but they still ask/borrow money. I… Read more »

kiarizona
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kiarizona

Hi, Merly-Nobody will think you are a selfish sister. Help is not a regular(monthly) thing. Save your generosity for bigger needs and emergencies coz that's when they appreciate you most. I'm just not sure how you explained to them how things should be, but the way I do it, I'm finding success. And please don't feel miserable just because your family wants money from you. It's really ok to say NO sometimes but when you say it, leave them hope that -in matters of life and death emergencies, they can count on you. I pretty much have an idea how… Read more »

Merly F
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Merly F

thanks kiarizona! what you said really works in my end.

Yadni
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Yadni

Hi Feyma! I hope I can meet you one day when we visit Gensan, where I was born and raised, and where majority of my relatives are. I am living here in the US for 8 yrs. now. Regarding money issues with relatives, that is so true. But I did indirectly mention it to my family, even before I arrived here in the US, for my family to realize that I am not here to support them. I think I’m lucky also, at least, for my immediate family members that they get it. And like you, they are aware, that… Read more »

feyma
Guest

Hi Yadni- We are in the same boat. Like you my distant relatives are the one bugging me about money. It's annoying. Anyway, I tell them right away that we don't have money. Hope to see you sometime next year when you visit GenSan then. We will make chikka about our life then. We have so much to talk about. 😉

zois
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zois

Hi feyma this my problem relatives of my wife I am skirt nobody ask me about money nothing antil now because I visit philippines only 4 times i don't understand the custom of philippines.my wife she is from san juan nearly vigan and I am thinking where to stay and I live with my wife. one day come one philipino man neighbor of the house in san juan and help us to delivery one big table in garden after I give him drink 2 beer and I look him is like crazy only 2 beer drink and for me it… Read more »

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