September 12th came and off to hospital I went to complete my next and I hope last required surgery. So much preparation, I only wish I could have been part of it, I found out that my wonderful wife, Mrs. Thompson AKA Mayang has been packing for a week like we were going to Florida to visit our grandson. She went to the market and bought me 6 pair of Hospital Shorts, now these I could have used months ago as my old ones are wearing out. I guess it took an “Occasion” to get new ones.
The first time to hospital last March was unplanned and caught her unprepared. And that never happens twice, but since a high percentage of LiP readers have a Filipina spouse I’m preaching to the Choir, as you already know what I’m talking about.
The March visit she found that there were items that were required that we didn’t have. I was zonked in intensive care and of course wasn’t able to provide her with smart-alecky answers like; “Honey, we only live 25 minutes from the hospital”, or my classic; “The Bay Point (No “E” at the end) mall is across the way or a five minute walk”.
But this time we are prepared, Hot Water Dispenser, pillows (She said the hospital issue pillows are small and thin) the entourage has been notified, the marching orders issued. Remember I’m not involved in any part of this, I’m just the patience.
My surgeon and I (Read that as Mayang) had a meeting Monday last to schedule everything. Now if you remember, this year was the first time in my life (69 years) that I’d spent a night in hospital, the nursing staff, the doctors and I all learned a very important thing. Paul goes bat shit crazy if he wakes up with a tube up his nose. My hand will slide towards it and rip it out as soon as I locate it. I never knew this was a “Thing” with me, but I guess it is. The doctor was laughing as I had set the nursing staff into frenzy every time I did it. My excuse is I was affected by drugs! Hey who knew this was an item? I think I told you this before? But being old gives me the right to repeat myself.
The other thing was I was told to stop taking my medicine for hypertension? Hey Doc, want a good laugh? Two years ago you gave me a script with blood pressure and cholesterol medicine on it; I was to take the blood pressure forever and the cholesterol medicine for 30 days. Guess what, I renewed the cholesterol prescription by mistake and not the one for hypertension. My friend’s wife Mercy at lunch one day asked Mayang which pill I took for high blood and then corrected us as I was taking the wrong pill for a year. But my cholesterol count was absolutely great! And since I wasn’t affected by hypertension I haven’t been taking anything for two years. Lecture was forthcoming about not informing one’s doctor, a quick Mea Culpa was offered then we laughed.
Paul was pulled aside and informed that I am one lucky Kano to be sitting in his office discussing a September operation, because unbeknownst to me I expired twice in March and was drug back and set right, albeit I did spend two months in intensive care, or La-La land, I had lost the ability to speak, not a word could I utter, which as a story teller and talker drove me crazy. The first words I said at the end were; “There you son of a bitch, you’ll talk again!” Who knew anger was such a positive motivator? My doctors Mr. and Mrs. Manzo, sent me home as there was nothing more a hospital could do for me, and being with your family was always the best medicine for most of us. Things I didn’t like…A colostomy bag, can I try and explain the joy of that? But we did it, and once more I understand the love my wife must have for me. I reported to the Doctor’s twice a week until I was told; “Paul you are doing great, and when your weight hits 150 pounds we’ll put all your bits back where they belong and the bag will disappear.
After I heard about March and my close call I knew why they never told me, and was pleased with their decision. I waltzed in September fat dumb and happy, paid the ₱15,000.00 for the (One time use circular stapler) and an extra ₱10,000.00 to hire the expert to assist my surgeon in its use. In full disclosure, I now am temporality wearing a diaper, Okay I know I can DEPEND on some good jokes over that. One of the few things I had planned to omit but my last day (Monday) in the hospital my wife was talking to the wife of my old boss from MSC ship’s days of yore, he was not only my boss but a dear friend. He has colon cancer and refuses to have the surgery; it is the same as I had except I didn’t have the cancer. I am driving to his house after my appointment this week and get into his face and tell him what I went through and that he would be crazy not to have it done as he will be cancer free once the colon is removed, then we can sit under the palm tree and lie about how comfortable diapers are! I’ll respect whatever decision he makes because that is what friends do, I just hope he’ll listen to my opinion a little bit before he makes up his mind as I’ll present him with my “Full Discloser”. “Shipmate: It just wasn’t that bad, when the alternative is plugged into the situation!”